


I'll Let Him Tell It

by FancifulFollies



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Other, Slow Build, Slow Burn, and anxiety attacks, everyone is a mess, some depictions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 20:00:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 220,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9253997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulFollies/pseuds/FancifulFollies
Summary: Based off ofthis post





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go guys. A new day, a new fic. 
> 
> I don't have a set schedule for this one, but those of you who have followed me through the journey of any of my other fics, you know my updates will either come in a few days, a week, or at the most, two weeks.
> 
> Each chapter will alternate between Alex's POV and Aaron's POV. Originally the fake dating was going to be the main focus, and it will later on, but it will take a little bit to get there. But don't worry, it will happen. 
> 
> This is gonna be a long one, and I hope you are as excited as I am!

_Room 213: Alexander Hamilton and Jonathan Bellamy_

Alex stares at the tidy scrawl of his name, written across a piece of paper on the door in front of him, and he feels a strange sense of satisfaction settle in his chest. That’s _his_ name taped haphazardly onto the door of _his_ dorm room. And not just any dorm room, it’s his _first_ dorm room, one that he deserves, one that he’s worked hard for.

He’d gotten to America at the awkward age of twelve, gripping his mother’s hand tightly as they walked through the crowded streets. Everything had looked so different than Nevis had looked, with tall buildings and fast moving cars. The size alone was mind blowing. Alex hadn’t been sure at first if New York was a good different, but then his mother had gotten sick two years later, and then Alex had been left alone in the city. It was a bad different.

The family that took him in after that was nice enough, giving him a cramped room in their house to call his own. But it was his, only his, so Alex was content. The Livingston’s did their best with him, tried to welcome him. He knows that now, but as soon as Alex stepped over their threshold as a fourteen-year-old kid, he was ready to leave. He was ready to _do_ something.

High school had been hard. More than hard, really. Alex was smart, smarter than everyone in his school, and he knew it, but maybe that was where his problems first started. The other kids didn’t like him. His foster sister, Kitty, had done her best to help him, but Alex’s mouth always got carried away without his permission, and more often than not he finished the day with a bruised cheek or a split lip.

His teachers weren’t always fond of him either. He had a loud mouth and pretty much zero self control, which didn’t mix well with the rules. The teachers were always moving him to the back of the classroom where they thought he wouldn’t be able to see the board, thinking that would stop him from correcting them or shouting out answers.

It didn’t.

But that didn’t mean his teachers were impressed with him or his intelligence, because they weren’t. Not at all, actually. At conferences, Alex always had to sit through lecture after lecture of his teachers saying that Alex didn’t do well on papers or tests because he didn’t follow instructions. He got carried away with his own thoughts, not following the prompts. Alex tried to argue that what he wrote was still technically correct, but his arguments always fell on deaf ears.

The result was that he ended up having to repeat his sophomore year, not getting the grades that he needed in order to move on to junior year. The worst part of that were all of the kids knowing he failed a grade, the taunts and the snickers he would endure as he walked down the hall. But all of that just made Alex work harder.

He’d put all he had into his junior and senior year of high school, applying to be in every club and staying up late to study every night. He did his best to follow the rules of assignments, only write what was necessary. He’d applied to fifteen different colleges, and when he got the acceptance letter from Princeton along with a merit-based scholarship, well, he may or may not have cried.

All of his work had finally paid off.

Alex lets his eyes trail over the name next to his on the piece of paper. Jonathan Bellamy. He’d looked him up as soon as he’d found out Jonathan would be his roommate. Had found his Facebook page and taken in the profile picture of a far too happy looking boy with his arms slung around two people that Alex assumed are his mother and father.

Upon further research, Alex found out that Jonathan had grown up in China, in a city called Yiyang, in Hunan. From what he could find, Alex now knew that Jonathan had moved to America at the age of seven. They were both immigrants.

But the real interesting part was that Jonathan was going to be a sophomore at Princeton this year. Alex isn’t sure how he lucked out, getting put with a sophomore, but it made him excited, made him feel like it will be easier to fit in.

He hates the fact that he’s a nineteen year-old freshman, turning twenty in January. He hates the fact that he could be taunted for it here, too, just like in high school. He hates the fact that he’s already behind, already needing to make up lost ground. He wants to graduate by twenty-two, wants to, no, _needs_ to, catch up. And he will. No matter what.

Alex takes a deep breath and hefts his duffle bag over his shoulder, slipping the key into the lock and pushing the door to his room open with a determined smile.

He steps inside, taking in the two single beds, one of which already has sheets thrown over it in such a neat and tidy way that Alex almost rolls his eyes. He really hopes his roommate isn’t a neat freak; there’s nothing worse than a neat freak, except maybe a complete slob. Before he can consider more ways his roommate could end up being his worst nightmare, there is the sound of someone sliding their own key into the lock, causing Alex to turn around in the direction of the door.

“Oh!” The person, Jonathan Bellamy, Alex reminds himself, stepping in exclaims, a smile spreading across their face when they spot Alex. Too cheery, Alex immediately thinks to himself. No way this guy is actually _that_ happy to see him. Nobody ever is. He steps further into the room, allowing Alex to get a better look at the person he’ll be living with for the next nine months.

He’s tall, annoyingly tall, almost entirely all legs, and Alex automatically finds himself straightening his back in an attempt to make himself look taller. He lets his eyes move higher, taking in the dark hair that is shaved thinner on the sides and the wide smile that is still being directed at him. Alex steps forward and shoves out his hand in greeting, realizing he should probably introduce himself.

“Alexander Hamilton,” he says, wondering if he needs to say more. He settles for a small smile when his brain can’t come up with anything else.

“Jonathan Bellamy, but everyone calls me Bellamy, so feel free to use that.” Bellamy continues to smile, but he releases Alex’s hand and goes over to his bed, plopping down onto it with a satisfied sigh. “You’re a freshman, right?”

“Oh,” Alex fidgets and tries to cover the movement up by picking at the hem of his shirt. His plan had been to possibly avoid having to mention that he’s a freshman, knowing it will lead to him having to admit his age at some point. He doesn’t want people already thinking that he won’t be able to keep up. But then he figures Bellamy must have looked him up as well once he found out they’d be roommates. “Yeah, I am. Sorry.” Alex isn’t quite sure why he’s apologizing, but it sounded good in his head.

“No worries,” Bellamy says with a short laugh. “I’m an RA, one of our responsibilities is to take in students when housing is too crowded. Oh, I know,” Bellamy grins, clueing Alex into the fact that he had seen the grimace pass over his face, “bad luck getting stuck with the RA, right? Don’t worry, if you ever end up doing something you shouldn’t be in the dorm, just give me a heads up and I’ll conveniently disappear for a few hours. I’m not looking for reasons to have to shit on everyone’s fun.”

Alex snorts at that, bending down to put his duffle bag onto his bed, figuring he should start unpacking his stuff at some point. But he pauses and looks over at Bellamy, who is watching him with polite interest, like he knows Alex wants to say something. “Uh,” Alex starts eloquently, rubbing at the back of his neck. He knows that Bellamy _must_ know he’s nineteen; he has his birthday on Facebook. Maybe he should start lying about his birthday. “So, uh, you probably looked me up on Facebook,” he pauses as Bellamy nods. “And you know I’m nineteen. But could you keep the whole failing a year thing between us? I mean, obviously professors might know or whatever, but, I just don’t want that to be the first thing people know about me.”

“Sure,” Bellamy says after a brief pause, shrugging his shoulders. “That’s your business. But just so you know, getting to college late is pretty common, it’s not something you should be embarrassed about. A lot of people will probably just assume you took a gap year. And if you ever have any questions about anything, you can ask me. I don’t mind helping you out." 

“Thanks,” Alex mumbles, putting his attention back on his duffle bag and starting to pull out his clothes. He doesn’t need help. He got here on his own, and he’ll continue to be fine on his own.

He throws some of his clothes into his closet, not bothering to hang any of them up yet. When he turns back around, Bellamy is still sitting on his bed, and Alex sighs, knowing that he should be doing the whole get-to-know-your-roommate thing. “Uh, so…what are you majoring in?”

“Ecology and evolutionary biology,” Bellamy chirps back immediately, throwing another grin at Alex. “Took me forever to choose, though. I declared at the end of last semester. What about you? Any ideas?”

“Probably politics,” Alex answers with a shrug, although he knows that’s definitely what he’s going to do. “And maybe a double with sociology. Might do some sort of minor, too.”

“You should meet my friend Aaron,” Bellamy starts with another one of his friendly smiles. Alex is realizing that he smiles a lot. “He’s majoring in politics, too. No offense, but I think you guys are crazy for loving those subjects that much.”

“I like being crazy,” Alex jokes back, starting to feel a little more at ease with Bellamy. He’s nice. And talkative. Alex likes that. “I’ve always liked politics, it’s important.” He shoves his now empty duffle bag under his bed before looking back at Bellamy. “Listen, how important are these orientation events I’m supposed to go to?” Technically as a new student, he’s required to go to all of the freshman orientation activities, and they sound…well, less than thrilling.

Bellamy snorts. “Not that important, trust me. Unless you really need the whole don’t do drugs and have safe sex talk. Although they will be handing out free pens and t-shirts.”

“Tempting, but I think I’m good,” Alex answers, and he smiles when Bellamy lets out a laugh.

“I have a whole drawer of those pens if you end up wanting any, I-“ Bellamy cuts off when the sound of his phone vibrating fills the room. He fishes it out of his pocket and reads whatever text was sent to him, typing out a quick reply. “Sorry, my friend just finished moving in.” He glances up at Alex. “Want to come meet him?”

“Oh,” Alex shifts on his feet. He probably should meet a few people. He had planned to just walk around campus saying hello to random people, but this is probably a better alternative. “You don’t mind?”

“Of course not!” Bellamy bounds off the bed, looking, if possible, more excited than before. “In fact, you can come eat with us, we’re meeting a bunch of people for lunch. You’ll love them all, I promise. The Schuyler sisters are great, and then there’s Hercules Mulligan-“ Bellamy’s voice goes a little softer on that name “-Laurens, and Laf, and then I already mentioned my friend Aaron Burr, and-”

“Whoa, wait,” Alex splutters, holding a hand out to stop the stream of words still coming from Bellamy’s mouth. “Aaron Burr? As in-”

“ _The_ Aaron Burr? Yeah,” Bellamy smiles, “that one. But I’m warning you now, if you call him the prodigy of Princeton College to his face, prepare for one of the scariest glares you will ever receive in your life. It will make you feel like God is about to smite you. Or honestly, God smiting you might be better than Aaron's glare." 

Alex barely registers what Bellamy is saying, because holy shit, he’s going to meet _Aaron Burr_.

He’d read about Aaron Burr when he had still been in high school. It was a rag to riches story minus the rags cause, well, the Burr family is technically already rich, so the metaphor doesn’t really work at all. But that doesn’t matter. What _does_ matter is that Aaron Burr had flown through high school, applied to college his junior year, and gotten into Princeton at the age of seventeen. The guy _is_ a prodigy.

“If you’re done freaking out,” Bellamy breaks into Alex’s thoughts, the amusement clear in his voice, “then we can head over to Aaron’s dorm.” He motions towards the door, and Alex grabs his phone and crams it into his pocket, following Bellamy out.

“You’re gonna love Aaron,” Bellamy tells him as they get outside. “I’ve known him for years. And the rest of the group is amazing, too. Everyone is nice, if not a little overwhelming at first. When I met Angelica for the first time, she made me arm wrestle with her.”

“Why?”

Bellamy shrugs. “I still don’t know, I just went along with it.”

“Huh,” is all Alex says for a moment, feeling a little more intimidated at the aspect of meeting all of these people. “How did you meet Aaron?”

“We grew up by each other,” Bellamy answers, waving at someone as they pass a group of students. “Neighbors. We didn’t really talk till middle school, we used to spy on each other.”

“Spy on each other?”

“His bedroom window faced mine, right? And we’d always see each other, and soon it became a game.” Bellamy shrugs and then lets out a short laugh. “I think he tried to communicate with me through morse code using his window blinds, but I could never figure it out.”

Alex laughs at that, figuring that’s something only a kid genius would try to do. He’s excited to meet Aaron, excited to see the person that inspired him so much in real life and not just through a high school picture copied into a newspaper.

When they reach the dorm building and the door to Aaron’s room opens, however, Alex can’t help but be a little surprised by the person on the other side. Hearing that Aaron is best friends with Bellamy, well, Alex had been expecting someone a little more animated, a little more…bouncy. And Aaron seems to be anything _but_ bouncy.

He’s dressed in dark jeans and a button down, his hair shaved close to his head, and his face seems to be set in a permanent look of disappointment. There are bags under his eyes, and Alex wonders why he looks so exhausted. But then he remembers this is Aaron Burr, the guy has probably already started memorizing all of his textbooks. Shit, should he have started reading his textbooks already?

“Aaron!” Bellamy practically shouts beside Alex, and he pushes past him to throw his arms around Aaron, whose face grows a little less tired and a little more amused as his friend hugs him tightly. “I missed you!”

“You saw me a month ago, Bell,” Aaron answers with a roll of his eyes, and he pushes Bellamy away with a small smile. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“Long enough,” Bellamy shoots back with a pout. He keeps his arms around Aaron’s shoulders and turns to smile at Alex, who feels nerves settle into his stomach when Aaron’s eyes land on him as well. “Aaron, this is Alexander Hamilton, my new roommate.”

Alex thanks the gods that Bellamy didn’t mention he was a freshman, worried that he would have to then tell Aaron Burr that he’d gotten in late. He’s going to avoid that conversation at all costs, especially with Aaron. He shoves his hand out for the second time that day, forcing it to not shake as he makes eye contact with Aaron. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Aaron answers smoothly, giving Alex’s hand one firm shake before letting it go. Then he just stares, saying nothing, and Alex feels his nerves starting to bubble under his skin. Should he say something else? What had Bellamy told him before? About not saying a certain something to Aaron? Fuck, he can’t remember what it was.

“Uh,” Alex glances over at Bellamy, who is giving him a strange look, and curses mentally again. Why is he acting so weird? “So…this is your room?”

“Yes,” Aaron answers slowly, like he’s not quite sure what the question was, and Alex wants to melt into the floor. But then Aaron takes a small step back, pulling Bellamy with him, and gestures for Alex to go inside. “It’s not much.”

“Please, “ Bellamy snorts as they all step in. “You have a single as a sophomore, that’s more than ‘much.’ I’d kill for a single.” He pauses here and looks over at Alex. “I mean, not literally. Aaron is just really lucky.”

“Comes with being a prodigy, I guess,” Alex says, but then he feels more than sees Aaron tense up where he’s standing beside Bellamy. Oops. Alex flicks his eyes over to Aaron to see him staring back with his jaw clenched, and behind him, Bellamy is waving his hands wildly in warning. Shit. “That’s…not what I meant.”

“What did you mean, then?”

“Just…I’ve read about you!” Alex blurts out, knowing it’s not really an answer. He cringes when all Aaron does in response is raise his eyebrows. “I…I mean, I know about you, how you were valedictorian and got in here early and everything. It was all, you know,” Alex waves his hand in the air, “impressive, or whatever.”

“Okay,” Aaron says eventually, his voice sounding a little colder than before. He looks at Alex for a beat longer and then turns to start collecting some of his things. As Aaron glances at his phone, Alex takes the opportunity to observe him a little more.

The guy is clearly serious, a no-nonsense kind of person, and Alex guesses he really shouldn’t be surprised by that. If the guy is as smart as everyone says, he probably doesn’t have time to mess around. But still, a simple thank you after Alex had called him impressive would have been nice. He had just been trying to make conversation. Plus it’s true, he is impressive. Too impressive. Alex hates impressive people, especially when they’re _too_ impressive.

“Are we doing lunch?” Aaron asks, still staring down at his phone, but his hands and fingers are motionless. He glances up at Bellamy, not Alex, when neither of them respond.

“Yep. Herc is already waiting for us outside, and we’ll meet everyone else there.” Bellamy gives another little bounce of excitement and then heads over to the door, making an impatient noise when Aaron doesn’t immediately follow.

Aaron puts his phone in his pocket and steps outside with Bellamy, and when Alex falls into step next to them, Aaron gives him a sidelong glance. “You’re coming?” He doesn’t sound particularly excited, and Alex tries not to feel disappointed. Maybe meeting your heroes isn’t always the best thing.

“I am,” he finally manages to say, thinking in his mind that Aaron’s social skills aren’t as impressive as the rest of him. “Bellamy invited me, said your group of friends are a pretty interesting crowd. My interest was peaked. Hope it’s okay for me to tag along.”

Aaron shrugs. “I don’t care. Most of them are Bell’s friends, not mine. You’ll fit right in.” He speeds his steps up a little, and Alex is left behind to think if those words were meant to be an insult or not. Based on their interactions so far, he’s thinking definitely an insult.

They step outside of the dorm, and Bellamy instantly scurries over to an even taller person waiting by the wall, who must be the Hercules he keeps mentioning. Before Bellamy reaches Hercules, he pauses and seems to resist from pulling the guy into what Alex presumes was going to be another big hug. Instead, Bellamy rubs at the back of his own neck and smiles up at Hercules, who reaches a hand out to ruffle Bellamy’s hair.

“Herc,” Aaron says in greeting, giving the guy the smallest of smiles. “You’re dressed down today.”

“Wasn’t feeling it,” Hercules says with a shrug, glancing down at his t-shirt and sweat pants. “But just wait for the first day of classes, you’ll be eating your words.” He winks at Aaron, and then turns his attention to Alex. “You don’t look familiar.”

“Oh, uh, probably not,” Alex says with a short cough. “Alexander Hamilton.”

“Hercules Mulligan.”

“Nice to meet you, man.” As Alex says the words, Hercules’ smile falters a little, but then he brings it back full force and holds a hand out for Alex to shake.

“I prefer they/them pronouns,” Hercules says, their voice a little softer, and Alex feels his face flush but he gives Hercules’ hand a small squeeze.

“I’ll remember that.”

“Alexander Hamilton…almost a better name than mine,” Hercules jokes, and Alex feels a smile spreading across his face as they let of each other’s hands. Finally, a sense of humor. “C’mon, let’s get moving, I’m starving.” They turn and start to walk, looking back with a smile when Bellamy moves forward to trot beside them, speaking rapidly about something that Alex can’t make out, but he sees Hercules laugh.

The two of them walk ahead, leaving Alex and Aaron a little farther behind, and Alex almost considers jogging in order to catch up to Bellamy and Hercules. From the expression on Aaron’s face, he must be thinking the same thing.

“So,” Alex starts after a moment, “Bellamy told me you’re majoring in politics?”

“That’s the plan,” Aaron answers, sounding disinterested already. He pulls out his phone, clicking the home button, and letting out a small huff of breath when there are no notifications. “I’m doubling with religion as well. I’m surprised you didn’t read about that."

“Oh, ha,” Alex responds weakly, feeling his cheeks heat up without his permission. “That’s uh, yeah, good one.” He bites his tongue when Aaron glances over at him with one eyebrow raised. “Listen, I didn’t mean for that to sound creepy, or to freak you out. I just, you know, didn’t have the best time getting into college and there was just a newspaper with your face on it one day.” He pauses when Aaron’s eyebrow gets higher on his forehead, but then decides that he might as well finish the story. “And you know, I read the newspaper, obviously, and your life is just kind of similar to mine.”

“Is it?”

“Yep.” Alex gives a small shrug. “I’m an orphan, too. And, uh,” Alex pauses again when Aaron’s face goes strangely blank, his grip tightening on his phone, “you know, we both have…brown eyes.”

Aaron actually stops walking at that, staring at Alex with his brows furrowed now, like he really doesn’t understand the words that are coming out of his mouth, which, Alex thinks, he can’t really blame Aaron for. “Our eyes are the same?” Aaron asks after a moment, the corners of his mouth almost looking like they’re about to curve upwards.

“Sure,” Alex says, smiling himself, relieved that Aaron doesn’t seem too angry. “I mean, probably. I don’t look at mine often, but yeah. Anyway, I really want to major in politics, too. Do you like the major?”

“It’s fine,” Aaron answers, his lips back to being in a thin line. He starts to walk again, and Alex sighs but follows. This is not going well. “The professors are all intelligent, the course-work is a lot, but it’s worth it, I suppose.”

“You suppose?” Alex asks, confused as to why Aaron sounds like he couldn’t care less about the topic he’s majoring in. He’s opening his mouth to ask more when Aaron jumps about a half a foot into the air, his phone vibrating in his hand as the screen lights up with an unknown caller.

“Hello?” Aaron says into the phone, sounding far too excited about an unknown caller. “Hello?” He repeats, and Alex thinks he hears the robotic sound of an automated message, and a second later Aaron is scowling as he hangs up.

“Not who you were expecting?”

“No,” Aaron answers shortly, and he shoves his phone back into his pocket. When he proceeds to glare at the sidewalk as they continue to make their way to the restaurant, Alex figures that’s a sign that any conversation is now over.

So Alex chews at his lower lips as they walk, occasionally glancing over at Aaron, who looks like someone just told him that his puppy had died. Alex almost asks him what’s wrong, but then Aaron scowls down at the sidewalk, anger flashing over his features, and Alex looks away, deciding to keep his mouth shut.

They walk in an uncomfortable silence, and Alex does his best to not look over at Aaron too often. He’s so different than Alex thought he would be, not as talkative or as, well, as helpful as Alex had imagined. He definitely doesn’t seem like a people person.

They make it to the restaurant in the next few minutes, and Alex quickly reaches a hand out to open the door, thankful that there will be other people besides him and Aaron inside.

“Hey,” a hand wraps around his upper-arm, pulling him back, and Alex turns in surprise to see Aaron looking down at him with a small crease between his eyebrows. “I’m…sorry.” He looks away from Alex and then down at his shoes. “About your parents.”

“O-oh,” Alex stutters, not sure what he expected Aaron to say, but it wasn’t that. “Uh, thanks. I mean…I’m sorry, too. I mean, about yours. And mine too! But the sorry was for you, I-“ He cuts off when Aaron releases his arm with a small sigh, looking exasperated. “Rambling, sorry. It’s kind of my thing.”

“Like I said,” Aaron says dryly, moving around Alex, “you’ll fit right in with everyone else.” The door of the restaurant closes behind Aaron with a click, and Alex lets out a soft huff before following him inside.

He follows Aaron as he walks over to Bellamy and Hercules, who are standing over by the hostess’s stand. Hercules spots Alex and waves him over.

“Everyone else is already here,” they say as the hostess shows them to the table. “It’s kind of a big crowd, but everyone is nicer than they seem, I promise. There they are.” Hercules points to a table, and Alex lets his eyes roam over the group assembled at it.

There are two guys on one side of the table, one with his hair pulled back in a curly looking bun, mouth moving rapidly as he speaks, gesturing with his hand. The other guy’s hair is hanging down around his shoulders, also curly, and his face is spotted with freckles. His eyes land on the girl beside them, watching the man talking with a soft smile and amused eyes. Beside her, there is another guy with big hair who is inspecting his own fingernails, apparently ignoring whatever conversation is happening next to him, not even looking up when the girl on his other side nudges him with her elbow.

“Hey!” Bellamy shouts, and Alex jumps at the exclamation, annoying the amused huff that Aaron gives behind him. “Hey! Welcome back!” Bellamy rushes over to the group, sitting across from the two guys and already engaging them in conversation. Hercules sits beside Bellamy, and Aaron climbs into the seat across from the nail-inspecting guy, who gives Aaron a confidential looking smirk.

Alex hesitates before sliding into the booth next to freckles, giving him a small smile as everyone greets each other. Alex can’t help but feel left out and awkward for a few moments, but then Bellamy is shushing everyone and gesturing over at Alex. Here we go.

“This is my roommate, Alexander Hamilton. Alex, this is everyone.” He smiles at the people around the table, and points to freckles. “That’s John Laurens, and next to him is Gil, but he prefers Lafayette-” curly bun waves a hand. “-next to him is Peggy Schuyler. That’s her sister, Angelica. And next to her is Thomas Jefferson.”

“Hey,” Alex manages, nodding at everyone, his eyes lingering on John, who is grinning widely at him. “It’s uh, nice to meet you.”

“Isn’t it?” The guy, Jefferson, says with a smug look. “I suppose it is.”

“Shut up, Thomas,” Angelica shoots back with a roll of her eyes. “Ignore him,” she says to Alex, “you’ll learn it’s the best way to shut him up.” She averts her eyes from Jefferson’s pout and gives Alex a smile.

“Where’s Eliza?” Aaron asks before Alex can respond to Angelica, and she looks over at Aaron next.

“She’s abroad this year, remember?” She stops and looks back over at Alex and starts to explain. “Eliza is my other sister, she's a sophomore. You’ll probably meet her at some point.” Then she goes back to talking to Aaron, and Alex shifts in his seat, unsure of who to talk to.

“Alexander,” Lafayette says from beside John, a slight accent discernable in his voice, “you are a freshman, yes? Where are you coming from?”

“Oh, uh, New York,” Alex answers, hoping he can get away with not commenting on Lafayette’s first question. “Moved there when I was twelve.”

“That’s cool,” John interjects before Lafayette can speak. He shifts in his seat so he can look at Alex easier. “I’ve only been to New York a few times, even though we’re so close. And what’s your major? I swear I haven’t seen you around before. And I would definitely remember if I had, I mean, with a face like that I-“

“John, do not tease him!”

“Not teasing,” John says to Lafayette, but he’s still staring at Alex, and he gives a small wink. “Definitely one hundred percent serious."

Alex feels his face flush, and he prays it doesn’t show. “I haven’t declared, but probably politics and sociology. What about you two?

“Public relations!” Lafayette answers with excitement, clearly enjoying his major. “It is fascinating."

“Culinary,” John answers next, taking Alex by surprise. “Yeah, I know. No one ever expects it, although I don’t know why.”

“Tell him your plan,” the girl, Peggy, says from the other side of Lafayette, and everyone groans around the table.

“Please,” Jefferson says, “we have heard this so many times. Spare us.”

“The plan,” John starts, ignoring the other chorus of groans that starts up, “is to graduate with a culinary degree, maybe do another few years of school, just to make sure my skills are up to par, and then,” he pauses and holds his hands out in excitement, “I apply to work at a pizza place.”

“A pizza place?” Alex repeats slowly, not understanding. He glances over at Peggy, who is biting her lip in a clear attempt to keep herself from laughing. He looks back at John, who is also smiling. “I don’t get it.”

“I work my way up to the top,” John continues, “and then I own the place, right? It’s like I’m the _father_ of the business, you could say. Now come on, don’t you get it?”

“I-“

“You could say they would call me,” John pauses again, his smile growing wider, “Papa John.”

More groans echo through the room, but Peggy, Lafayette, and John are all laughing. After a moment, Alex joins in, shaking his head at how much effort John must have to go through whenever he wants to tell the joke.

“That makes no sense,” Jefferson says from his seat. “There is already a Papa John’s, you couldn’t have your own.”

“Yes, I can. And I will.”

“That’s not even funny,” Alex says, despite the smile on his face. He glances over at Aaron to see if he’s laughing, still curious as to what the guy’s sense of humor is, but Aaron’s eyes are back on his cell phone. Alex notices that Jefferson is watching Aaron as well. Interesting.

“You laughed,” John says with a chuckle, drawing Alex’s attention back to him. “No need to hide it, I know I’m funny.”

Alex laughs again, and he finds that he feels weirdly comfortable with everyone at the table. Well, everyone minus Jefferson and grumpy Aaron at the other end. But everyone else? They all seem cool. As the food arrives at the table (everyone had ordered appetizers before Alex arrived) and they all begin to eat, Alex learns more about everyone.

Peggy is a freshman, too, and is planning on majoring in computer science and French, which prompts an excited yell from Lafayette. Angelica is majoring in journalism, Jefferson is doubling with architecture and politics, and Herc is majoring in comparative literature, with a focus on Chinese culture.

“You are doing politics, yes?” Lafayette asks, pointing his fork at Alex. “You will make fast friends with Thomas and little Burr, then.”

Alex chokes at the nickname for Aaron, trying to hide his laughter behind his napkin, but Aaron’s unamused eyes are already on him, so Alex brings the napkin down and tries to compose himself. “Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, that would be…cool.”

“Aaron would be a better tutor than me,” Jefferson says with a shrug, not looking at Alex, but at Aaron. “He really knows his stuff. He’s nicer than me, too.” Jefferson smiles when Aaron lets out a snort, and he gives Aaron a small wink when their eyes meet, his smile turning into a smirk. “Plus, he’s got a more gentle touch.”

“Thomas.” Aaron sounds exasperated, or maybe that’s just what he always sounds like, Alex isn’t sure.

“It’s true.”

“Would you just-“ Aaron cuts off when his phone vibrates loudly on the table, and his hand shoots out to grab it, the same excitement Alex had seen before flashing across his face. And again, the excitement fades to disappointment, but then concern replaces it, and Aaron starts tapping out a response to whoever texted him. “I have to go and see Maria.” He stands up, looking flustered. “Sorry to cut the reunion short, but I-“ he looks down at his phone again. “Sorry. I’ll see you all later.”

They all watch as Aaron rushes out, and Alex doesn’t miss the concern that is on Jefferson’s face as well. He can’t help but think that Jefferson and Aaron are a strange pair to be friends.

“Is he always so,” Alex struggles to find the right word, “weird?”

“Yes,” John says at the same time Bellamy says “No.”

“He does seem more worked up than usual,” Angelica says, looking back down at her food. “But he’s always like that at the beginning of a new semester. John, do you know what this is?” She holds up an herb that’s on the top of her pasta.

While John leans over to examine it, Alex stares at Aaron’s empty seat, worrying at his lower lip. The guy _definitely_ isn’t what he had been expecting, but then again, Alex isn’t even sure what he was expecting. Someone a little more welcoming, definitely. A little more excited about what they’re doing. But Aaron just seems…not excited. About anything. He’s-

“Alex?”

Alex jumps and turns to Hercules, who he realizes has been calling his name a few times. “What?”

“You want to go out with us tonight?” Hercules asks, looking amused. “We’re all gonna go finish unpacking and then meet up later.”

“Oh!” Alex looks around at everyone and grins. “Yeah, yeah definitely. Thanks.”

They all finish eating, and after a few moments of all of them grumbling about who will pay Aaron’s part of the check, Jefferson throws down more of his own money before flouncing out of the restaurant ahead of the rest of them.

Alexander walks out with John, Hercules, and Lafayette, feeling strangely at ease with the trio, and wondering at his luck of finding such a welcoming group of friends. Sure, he’s still disappointed that Aaron doesn’t seem interested in getting to know him, but win some, lose some.

Besides, Alex doubts he’ll even see the guy that much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two, here we goooooo
> 
> Slight warning for brief descriptions of emotionally manipulative relationships. Nothing too in depth, though.
> 
> Enjoy x

Aaron scurries out of the restaurant as fast as he can, feeling like his lungs expand as soon as he gets outside into the fresh air.

He keeps up a quick pace, wanting to get to Maria quickly, but also wanting to escape the tense atmosphere that had started to descend on him at the restaurant. Half of him thinks that he’s over-reacting, but the other half of him can’t help but feel on edge. It’s the first time in months he’s been surrounded by so many people, and he felt like he was on display the entire time. Thomas’s teasing combined with the way everyone had glanced at Aaron like they knew that - no. They don’t know. He’s just being paranoid.

Aaron gives himself a small shake and looks back down at his phone, reading the text Maria had sent him a few minutes ago.

_SOS get your cute ass to the café. Emergency. Not kidding._

Aaron reads and re-reads the text, speeding his steps up even more as he does. He’d wanted an excuse to leave the lunch, but he hadn’t wanted it to be for whatever this is. Sure, Maria has a tendency to be overdramatic, but Aaron still can’t help but be worried, and his heart is beating strangely in his chest as he makes his way to the café that Maria works at. What if something _did_ happen?

The text hadn’t sounded particularly urgent, but Aaron still finds himself half jogging up the steps that lead to the café. He pushes the door open and looks around, immediately spotting Maria next to one of the tables, pen in hand as she takes the orders of the people seated there. She’s giving them a smile and putting her pen and pad of paper into her apron, and then reaching up to tuck a curl behind her ear as she starts to move away. Then her eyes flick over to the door, and she makes her way over to Aaron, her excited expression calming some of Aaron’s nerves.

“Aaron!” She’s suddenly right in front of him, and Aaron only has a brief moment to prepare himself before Maria is throwing her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug that smashes his face uncomfortably against her shoulder. She pulls away a few seconds later and, much to his dismay, pinches his cheek. “I’ve missed this face.”

“Good to see you, too,” Aaron says with a small chuckle, smacking her hand away. Then he remembers why he’s even there. “Hey,” he gives her a more serious look and lowers his voice. “What’s going on? What was that text about?”

“Oh, that. I moved out of James’s apartment,” Maria tells him with a shrug. “He - oh fuck!” She digs into the pocket of her apron, not noticing the offended looks some of the customers give her at her language. “I need to put this order in, hold on. Go sit there,” she gestures vaguely at one of the empty tables by the window. “It’s almost my break, I’ll get Madison to cover for me and then I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Aaron opens his mouth to say something, but Maria is already shuffling away, so he can either remain standing awkwardly in the middle of the café, or pick a table to sit and wait at.

Once he’s sitting down, Aaron lets the news wash over him. In all honesty, he’s not surprised. Maria and James have had a rocky relationship as long as Aaron has known them, and Maria has told him enough stories in private to know it hadn’t been a great relationship even before Aaron knew them.

“I’m back,” Maria’s chipper voice breaks into his thoughts, and she sits down beside him and shoves a drink at him. “I hope you like vanilla lattes. Now, what are your thoughts?”

“My thoughts?”

“On me leaving James.” Maria props her elbow up onto the table and rests her chin in her hand, looking at Aaron with an expectant expression. “Was it a good decision? I need some input, and you give the best.”

Aaron takes a sip of his drink as he thinks about his answer, not exactly sure how Maria wants him to respond. “Well…are you happy?”

“Yep.” Maria pops the ‘p’ at the end of the word, and smiles at Aaron as if to prove her answer. “Never been happier.”

“Then I think it’s good,” Aaron says honestly, picking at the lid of his cup. “If you feel good, then it was a good choice.”

Maria makes a thoughtful noise at that, her eyes narrowing slightly like she doesn't believe him before she turns her head to peer out of the window. She sighs softly before letting her eyes move back to Aaron. “It wasn’t a planned thing, you know. It just sort of happened. I didn’t plan on leaving. I just…did.”

“Is there…did something happen?” Aaron asks, noticing how Maria’s adams apple bobs as she swallows thickly. Aaron shifts in his seat “Did he do s-”

“He didn’t do anything,” Maria cuts in, sitting up straighter and letting both of her hands rest on the table. “I mean…nothing out of the usual. You know how he is.”

Aaron raises an eyebrow at that, taking another sip of his coffee to avoid having to comment. He does know how James is, but he usually tries to refrain from telling Maria how he feels about her boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend.

“No need to hold back your opinions now,” Maria tells him with a wave of her hand and a laugh, like she knows exactly what Aaron is thinking. “It’s not like I don’t know how you feel about him. Cause I do, I just chose to ignore it.”

“Thanks,” Aaron says dryly, but then he takes a deep breath and lets it back out slowly. “I just…I never thought he was the greatest guy. But you seemed happy with him so I tried not to get involved. But I mean, he was kind of…” Aaron pauses as he searches for the right word.

“An asshole?” Maria provides.

“I was going to go with unsupportive,” Aaron says with a short laugh, and Maria snorts. “But he was also kind of an asshole.”

“Unsupportive is a good word for him though.” Maria nods and then holds up both of her hands. “James Reynolds; An Unsupportive Asshole, a soon-to-be-released novel by Maria Lewis.”

“Five out of five stars,” Aaron adds with another smile, “a must-read for all ages.”

Maria gives Aaron an appreciative grin, and then leans back in her chair with a small sigh. Her fingers tap against the table, and Aaron waits, knowing that she is building up the courage to tell him exactly what happens. “I just…it’s been two years since I started estrogen, right?” She waits for Aaron to nod, and then she continues. “And I feel _good_. I’ve built a good life here, have a community that cares about me, a steady job, a major that I love. I wanted to throw a party to celebrate how good everything has been going for me, but James thought it was a stupid idea. And I just…I don’t know why that was the breaking point, but it was. So I decided to break up with him.”

“A justified choice,” Aaron tells her softly, and Maria shrugs, blinking her eyes rapidly. Aaron breathes out slowly again, trying to think through the words in his head before saying them. He reaches one of his hands across the table, palm up, and smiles when Maria places her hand in his. “Listen to me, Maria. I’ve told you this, and I’ll keep telling you this, even if you choose to ignore it; he does not deserve you. You’re one of my best friends, so I don’t think anyone deserves you. I know how important it was for you to have someone who cared about you, but he…” Aaron bites at the inside of his cheek and then sighs again, “but he-”

“Didn’t?” Maria finishes, and she gives Aaron’s hand a squeeze when he opens his mouth, quietly cutting him off before he can speak. “I wish it was that simple. He did care about me, but just not the way I needed.” Maria sniffs, raising her free hand to wipe at one of her eyes, her eyeliner smudging slightly. “But you’re right, this is good.” Maria gives him a shaky smile, squeezing his hand one more time before pulling hers back and wiping at her eyes one more time. “Now, you’ll rarely ever hear me say this, but enough about _me_. Tell me about _you_ , how was your summer?”

Aaron tenses in his chair, hesitating a moment before giving a small, tight shrug. “It was…fine.” He shrugs again when Maria raises an eyebrow at his purposefully less than descriptive answer. “Nothing special, I guess.” He rubs his palm against his jeans. “I got a job at a bookstore, saved up some money.”

“Oh!” Maria’s lips part in surprise, but then she’s leaning over the table and looking at Aaron with wide eyes. “Aaron, that’s great! And…and your uncle was…he let you?”

Aaron gives another noncommittal shrug, shifting his gaze away from Maria’s, taking a moment to stare out of the window.

It’s not exactly a secret that Aaron and his uncle don’t get along. Their relationship isn’t one full of loud, explosive fights, but it isn’t exactly full of hugs either. Sure, his uncle took him in after his grandparents passed away…after his parents passed away…but that’s about as far as the favors went. In fact, his uncle seems to think that Aaron is the one who owes _him_ favors.

His uncle is controlling, to say the least, saying that everything he does, he does for Aaron. And maybe that’s true, Aaron really doesn’t know, but it doesn’t feel true. Aaron can’t even spend money without getting his uncle’s permission first.

After his grandparents and parents passed, Aaron’s uncle became the property owner of all of their belongings, and the money his parents left him won’t be Aaron’s to touch until he’s twenty-one. So, for now, he has to trust his uncle. But three years is a long time to wait.

He has no control over his finances despite being a legal adult. He’d still been a minor upon entering college, so his uncle acted as a co-owner to open a bank account for him. But once he’d turned eighteen, his uncle had still insisted on having a joint account so he could monitor Aaron’s finances, saying it’s what his parents would want. He claims he’s just watching over Aaron, making sure he doesn’t make poor decisions.

His uncle claims that he’s handling all of Aaron’s affairs because it’s what his parents would want, and Aaron really has no choice but to agree; he’d been two years old when his parents passed, so he has no idea what they would or wouldn’t want. His uncle is the only person who can tell him that, who can tell Aaron stories about his mom and dad, tell him how his dad had been a preacher, how his mom had been a politician, how they had been the perfect team. Those stories are all Aaron has.

But sometimes the stories aren’t enough to convince him.

So Aaron had gotten a job over the summer, told his uncle he was doing an internship, when he was really working part time at a used bookstore. He managed to convince his boss to pay him under the table without too much arguing so that the money wouldn’t show up in his bank account. He hid away money in his room until he had built up a substantial amount. There had been some guilt at going behind his uncle’s back, especially since he pays for Aaron’s college tuition with no complaints, but when Aaron went out for the first time and bought some books he’d been wanting for years with his own money, all of that guilt had disappeared.

“He was fine with it,” Aaron murmurs eventually, keeping his eyes away from Maria. He takes a deep breath before looking back at her, only to see the skepticism written all over her face. Only her, Thomas, and Bellamy know the full extent of his life back at home, so she has a good reason to look doubtful. “He was. It was fine.”

“Okay,” Maria holds up a hand in surrender. “And Sally? How is she?”

Aaron feels his hand twitch on his thigh, and he tries to shut his mind down before the thoughts can start to bombard him. He pushes the memory of an empty room and a hastily written letter outside of his thoughts. He keeps his face blank. “She’s fine, too.”

Maria looks like she wants to ask him something, wants to push the topic further, but at the last minute, she gives a small shrug and leans back in her chair. Then she gasps, and Aaron looks closer at her, seeing a strange expression starting to come over her face. “Oh my god. I left James…”

“You did,” Aaron agrees slowly, wondering if the weight of the decision is finally starting to hit Maria. Is she already regretting it? But then she looks at him and laughs weakly.

“I…I don’t have a place to stay, I-”

“You’ll stay with me,” Aaron cuts in immediately, waving aside Maria’s protests. “I have a single, it’s not a big deal. We’ll get you a blow up mattress, and I’ll help you move whatever you need from the apartment.”

“It’s only temporary,” Maria assures him, but relief is quickly filling her eyes. “Thank you, Aaron, I mean it. This is…thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Aaron says gently, giving Maria a smile. He really doesn’t mind. It might be better for him to have someone staying with him. “Just text me later today when you’re ready to start moving stuff. I -” Aaron cuts off when he notices someone standing beside them, and he turns to see one of Maria's coworkers, James Madison, standing there.

"Sorry to interrupt," Madison says softly, turning his eyes to Maria, "but my shift is almost over."

"Oh, gosh, sorry. I lost track of time." Maria stands up and gives Aaron an apologetic look. "You sure it's okay if I stay with you?"

"Yes," Aaron responds firmly, standing up as well. "Really. As long as you don't snore, we're good." He smiles when Maria laughs at that, and even lets her pull him into another hug. She squeezes him tightly, resting her chin on his head as she does. Then she steps back and gives him one last smile before going back to work, leaving Aaron and Madison together. 

"You ready for the semester to start?" Aaron asks after a brief moment of silence, figuring he should say something, especially since Madison is just standing there staring at him. It's making him uncomfortable. "You're a junior, right?"

"I am," Madison says with a small nod, answering both questions with that response. He starts to untie his apron, still staring at Aaron. "How are you feeling about it?"

Aaron shrugs. "I'm ready, I guess." He shifts on his feet when Madison doesn't say anything. "Well, I should get going. I have some books to buy at the bookstore, so..." He trails off, taking a step back.

"Sure. See you around. And tell Thomas I say hi."

Aaron stumbles a little when Madison says that, wondering if he imagines the small, angry look Madison gives him before turning around and walking away. Aaron didn't even know that Madison knew Thomas, and can't even begin to wonder what the exchange they just had means. So instead of thinking about it, Aaron just turns and pushes the door of the cafe open.

Once he’s outside, Aaron feels some of the forced calm inside of him start to crumble, but he pushes forward, focusing on his feet moving on the sidewalk. Left foot. Right foot. Repeat. The rhythm of it makes Aaron relax, and he continues to count his steps as he makes his way to the campus bookstore. He just needs a few things, it shouldn’t take long, and then he can set up his room for Maria. It will be cramped, but it will work.

Aaron makes it to the bookstore in the next couple of minutes, breathing out a small sigh of relief when he walks in. He knows the freak out about the upcoming semester will hit him at some point, probably some time later that evening, but for now, he’s calm. He enjoys getting the supplies he needs for classes, loves picking out journals and highlighters. Sticky notes are his favorite. He buys them in bulk at the beginning of each semester.

Aaron is browsing the shelves, walking between them when he almost runs into someone. He takes a step back, opening his mouth to apologize, but then he takes in the brown eyes and the messy, dark hair, and he clicks his mouth shut.

It’s the boy from before, Adam, or Alex, or something. The one Bell had introduced him to. Now he’s looking up at Aaron in surprise, a binder clasped in each of his hands, one of which he waves awkwardly when Aaron continues to only stare.

“Hey, uh, Aaron,” he stammers out.

“Hamilton,” Aaron says, managing to remember his last name. Hamilton flinches a little at the use of his last name, but Aaron finds that he doesn’t really care. He knows he’s being rude, hell, he knows he’s being mean, but he can’t help it. He’s too tired to care. And it seems like ever since he met Hamilton, his day had gone down hill.

All Aaron had wanted was to talk to Bellamy, to make his best friend sit down in his room with him and just let everything out. He wanted, no, needed, to tell someone about the summer, about what had happened, but then Bellamy had shown up with this kid who didn’t seem to know when to keep his mouth shut.

“Right, yeah,” Hamilton mutters, appearing to give himself a small shake. “Uh, looking for textbooks?” He gives a small smile when Aaron nods. “Same. John told me I should go today, cause everyone usually waits until tomorrow.”

“Good advice.”

“Ha, yeah,” Hamilton licks his lips and shifts on his feet. “I, uhm…” He trails off, and Aaron has to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes, but Hamilton still seems to notice because he winces. “Sorry, I just…I know you think I’m annoying, or whatever, but you’re just kind of intimidating and I’m, uh…I’m actually really nervous because I’m a freshman and I was worried about people finding out so I-“

“How do those two things connect?” Aaron finds himself asking before he can stop himself. When Hamilton just stares at him in confusion, Aaron sighs. “You being a freshman and me apparently being intimidating? Why do those two combined make you nervous?”

“Well…cause…cause it’s you!”

“It’s me,” Aaron says slowly, still trying to piece the information together. “Yes, that’s true. I am me.”

“No,” Hamilton laughs, sounding surprised. “I mean, yes, true. That was funny. But I mean…” Hamilton pauses and shifts on his feet again, swinging his arms back and forth, the binders he’s still holding flapping at his sides. “I mean, I already told you that I…that I read about you when I was in high school and I, you know, found you inspiring and all that so I just…I’m...I’m nineteen and I thought that you would judge me for getting into college a year late or…or something.” Hamilton finishes his speech with a shrug, and looks away, but not before Aaron spots that faint blush covering his face.

“Honestly,” Aaron starts after a moment, “I couldn’t care less about when you get into college. I actually couldn’t care less if you even went to college.” He allows a small smile to form on his lips when Hamilton looks up at him again, almost looking insulted. “Everybody has their own pace. You’re here now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Hamilton breathes out, looking immensely relieved, and Aaron is suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to get out of the bookstore before any hugging begins, but then Hamilton just shoots him a grin. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” Aaron says, taking a small step back. But then he hesitates, and he looks back at the binders Hamilton is holding. “Go with that one,” Aaron points to the one in his right hand, “they’re sturdier, and last longer.”

“Oh,” Hamilton looks down at the binders like he’d forgotten what he’d been holding. “Right. Yeah, okay, cool. Thanks!”

Aaron holds back a laugh at how excited Hamilton sounds, and him a brief nod before turning on his heel to finish his shopping. It doesn’t take him long to find the textbooks he needs, and he brings them over to the check-out. Once they’re bought, Aaron takes a quick picture of them to send to his uncle in order to show what he used the money for. He’s about to leave when he notices Hamilton checking out as well. Something, Aaron has no idea what, makes him pause, deciding to wait for Hamilton so they can walk out together.

“I bought five of the binders,” Hamilton tells him happily as they walk out of the bookstore. “Just in case I lose one or break one.”

“Good plan.”

“Was that sarcasm?” Hamilton asks, peering over at Aaron. “I can’t tell. You’re too good at it, if it was sarcasm.”

“Uh, I-“

“You should come out with us tonight!” Hamilton actually stops walking as he says that, and starts nodding his head vigorously without Aaron ever responding. “Yeah, it will be fun! John, Laf, and Herc invited me out and then we’re gonna go back to one of their rooms! You should come!”

“Oh, uh, I don’t-“

“Come on, what else are you gonna be doing?”

Aaron silently comes up with a list of ten different things he’d rather be doing, but then he remembers he has a legitimate excuse. “I can’t. A friend of mine has to stay in my room for a few weeks, so I have to get back and fix things up there.”

“Oh.” Hamilton actually sounds disappointed, and Aaron can’t help but find that strange. They barely even know each other. “Well, next time, then.” He starts walking again, falling into step with Aaron. “I really like them though, all your friends. They’re cool.”

Aaron nods in response, not bothering to say he likes them as well, hence his friendships with them, and goes to pull out his phone. He unlocks it and checks his messages, refreshing them a few times before shoving it back into his pocket. When he looks back over at Hamilton, he notices how he’s staring at the pocket his phone just went into.

“What?” Aaron asks.

“Oh,” Hamilton looks up, looking a little guilty at having been caught staring. But he just shrugs. “You just…you’re kind of obsessed with your phone.”

“Am I?” Aaron asks distantly, speeding his steps up a little bit.

“I mean, okay, not obsessed,” Hamilton corrects himself, speeding up as well, “you just check it a lot. You got a girlfriend or something?”

“No.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Also a no.” Aaron sighs and looks over at Hamilton, who is looking back at him with interest. This kid really isn’t going to let it go. “I’m just…waiting for a call.”

“Sure,” Hamilton responds, like he knows that Aaron is holding back. It had been a pretty lame excuse. “Well, I’m going left here.” He gestures at the road in front of them. “I’ll…see you around?”

“Sure.” Aaron says, not wanting to make any promises.

“Okay.” Hamilton grins at him and waves a hand, the plastic bag swinging from his wrist. “See ya, Burr.”

Aaron watches him walk away from a moment before resuming walking, shaking his head as he does. The kid is weird, that’s for sure. But he’s persistent too, observant. He’d even seemed to catch on to what was going on between him and Thomas over lunch, which is just another thing Aaron doesn’t want to think about at the moment.

He walks a little faster, trying to clear his mind, but he can’t stop thinking about some of the things that Hamilton had said. He’d looked up to Aaron, found him inspiring, had been so worried about Aaron judging him. Aaron is used to people coming up to him, either to congratulate him or to test him. Contrary to what a lot of people like Hamilton think, getting into college early isn’t always the best thing.

He’d been a seventeen year old freshman, had looked like a sixteen year old, hence getting him the nickname “little Burr”, which he’ll never forgive Lafayette for, and there had been a lot of taunting from the older students. Upperclassmen already see freshman as children, and the fact that Aaron was seventeen only made that worse. People hadn’t wanted to talk to him much, after they got the whole child-prodigy conversation out of the way. They lost interest quickly. And throughout his first semester, Aaron had glumly realized that college might end up being worse than high school.

In high school, kids had ostracized Aaron as well. He was the weird kid in high school, the one with the dead parents, and that combined with his intelligence had made the other kids wary of him, not too sure how to treat him. So Aaron kept his head down, focused on his work and on his studying. His only close friend had been Bellamy, but that had been fine. That was all he needed.

Bellamy remained his closest friend once they moved on to college. Then he’d met the rest of the group, mainly due to the fact that Bellamy had met Herc, and Herc had introduced them to their friends.

Lafayette had been intimidating at first, loud and expressive and pulling Aaron into hugs he necessarily didn’t want. Laurens had been fine, kind and welcoming with a brash sense of humor Aaron has gotten somewhat used to. He’d met Maria through them too, had started tagging along with her to the LGBTQ+ club meetings and finding a space there that he felt comfortable in.

The rest of the group, the Schuyler sisters, were almost more intimidating than Lafayette. They were closer than any sisters Aaron had ever seen, Angelica proud and stubborn, Eliza soft but sure of herself, and from what he knows of Peggy so far, she’s surprisingly funny and wild when she wants to be. But Aaron is close with them, and despite his many rants about his group of friends, he knows he’s lucky he has them.

Aaron slides his key into his lock, stepping in depositing his bag onto his bed before sitting down, trying to refrain from just collapsing completely onto it. He knows he has to set the room up for Maria, but he’s exhausted from the day already. He’s about to just close his eyes and let himself fall asleep when there’s a knock at his door.

Aaron groans, debating whether or not to just ignore the knock and pretend he’s not there, but then there is another knock, louder this time, so Aaron pushes himself off the bed and goes over to the door, pulling it open and having a split second to take in Bellamy’s smiling face before he’s being pulled into a hug.

“Surprise!” Bellamy says, squeezing Aaron tightly. “We barely got to see each other so here I am!” He lets go of Aaron and beams down at him. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Aaron wheezes out, rubbing at his chest. All of his friends hug way too much. He pulls Bellamy in and closes the door before turning back to his friend. “How was the rest of lunch?”

“Fun,” Bellamy says with a smile as he plops down onto Aaron’s bed. “It was nice to see everyone again.”

“Especially Herc, huh?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Bellamy says evenly, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. But then he smiles. “Is it really that obvious?”

“Pretty sure people within a hundred foot radius can tell how much you two are into each other,” Aaron tells him with a laugh, sitting down at his desk. “We’re all just waiting for you to officially ask them out.”

Bellamy sighs and lies down on his back. “Maybe I’ll get the courage in the next ten years or so.”

“Coward,” Aaron teases. “I better get an invite to the wedding.”

“You’ll be best man.” Bellamy says, sounding offended that Aaron doesn’t already know that. He turns on his side so he can look at Aaron better. “How’s Maria? Was everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Aaron answers with a sigh. “She broke up with James, needs a place to stay, so I offered my room for a few weeks.”

“You’re a good friend,” Bellamy says, smiling when Aaron just shrugs. “You are. Are you going to need help moving all of her stuff over here? I can drive you both to the apartment tomorrow if you need me to.”

“That would be helpful, thanks.” Aaron leans back in his chair and sighs, feeling more tired than before. “I need to go out and buy her a mattress at some point before tonight.”

“Mmm,” Bellamy scoots to one side of the bed and then pats the empty space beside him. “Nap first. You look tired.”

Aaron looks over at him with his eyebrows raised. “You just want to take a nap, don’t you?”

“I always want to take a nap.”

Aaron snorts, but he stands up and walks over to the bed, crawling beside Bellamy and lying down on his back, opening his arms for Bellamy to cuddle up next to him. “I still don’t understand how you can nap at any time, any place.”

“It’s a talent,” Bellamy mumbles, his voice already making it sound like he’s half asleep. “Remember that one time I was sleeping over and Sally was reading one of her screenplays out loud and I fell asleep? She hit me with a pillow and chased me around the house for ten minutes.” Bellamy chuckles and moves closer, throwing an arm over Aaron’s stomach.

Aaron tilts his face away from Bellamy, swallowing thickly as that memory resurfaces. Sally had always been writing screenplays when they were growing up, loving to create stories and characters and acting out scenes. She was good at it, too, bringing stories to life.

Aaron swallows again, starting to feel like the room is getting smaller. Everything that happened over the summer is starting to come back to him, clouding his mind. He needs to tell someone. He shifts on the bed, turning to Bellamy and already opening his mouth, but when he looks over, Bellamy’s eyes are closed, and his mouth is open as he breathes in and out slowly, already fast asleep.

Aaron shuts his mouth, smiling despite the disappointment settling deep in his chest. He’ll tell Bellamy later.

He’s thinks he sleeps on and off for the next hour or so, waking up at one point with Bellamy curled around him, face buried in Aaron’s neck. Aaron is about to disentangle himself to go out and buy a mattress when his phone vibrates in his pocket.

Heart beating fast, Aaron digs into his pocket for his phone, bringing it up to his ear after noticing it’s an unknown number. “Hello?” He waits a few moments for a response, closing his eyes when none comes. “Hello?” He tries again, holding his breath. But there’s still silence, and after a moment longer, Aaron curses and ends the call, throwing his phone onto the edge of the bed, watching it bounce on the mattress.

_“You’re kind of obsessed with your phone.”_

Hamilton’s words ring through Aaron’s head, and even after he gives himself a small shake, they’re still there, floating in his mind, yelling at him.

Aaron knows he’s being obvious, knows it must be clear to his friends that he’s acting strangely. Obviously he is if even Hamilton, a person he hasn’t even known for a day, can tell something is up. But Aaron can’t stop it, he can’t act normal, not about this. His mind goes back to the letter he’d found over the summer, the normally tidy scrawl Sally uses blurred and shaky. That letter from two months ago was the last time he had heard from Sally. Aaron sighs and pulls Bellamy closer.

Hamilton would be obsessed with his phone, too, if his sister had run away over the summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuunnnn
> 
> Special shout out to @hollaatmetho13 on tumblr for talking to me and helping me form the plot for the Maria storyline (of the whole fic, not just this chapter, I love you, Kel.)
> 
> SO WHAT DID YOU THINK? Poor Aaron, am I right? Poor everybody, tbh. But I promise things will get a little more cheery in the next chapter, which will be up probably some time next weekend.
> 
> As always, thank you so so much for reading, the response to this fic so far has been amazing and I appreciate it a lot. Kudos are always loved, and comments are the fuel to my motivation. Leave em here or come over to tumblr and talk to me there fanciful-follies Thanks, everyone! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! :D
> 
> We're still getting to know the characters and set the foundation of the story, so the plot is moving a little slow, but this chapter is a fun, lighthearted one for the most part, so I hope you guys enjoy it!

“How much stuff should I bring with me for the first day of classes?”

Alex directs the question at Bellamy, who is currently sprawled out across his bed, his feet dangling off the edge as he ignores the stack of books and notebooks beside him that he had just finished unpacking.

“Probably just a planner and a notebook,” Bellamy says, turning his head to look at Alex. “Your professors would email you if they wanted you to bring anything else.”

“Right.” Alex looks around at all of his materials, checking things off in his head, and then doing it again. “I think I have everything. Do I need more than one pen? Probably not, right? Or-”

“Alex.” Bellamy sits up on the bed and gives him a knowing smile, which makes Alex turn away with a scowl. “Hey…try not to stress out. I know that’s not exactly great advice, but freaking out about it isn’t going to make things easier. Just…try not to think about it. Weren’t you going out tonight? That will distract you!”

“I passed on dinner,” Alex grumbles, trying to be grateful for Bellamy’s advice, but not stressing out isn’t exactly in his personality. “I felt like I had too much to do. But I’m going to meet them all over at Herc and Laf’s place later.” He had hung out with all of them the night before, but had woken up feeling too stressed to see them again until he felt prepared for classes tomorrow.

“That’ll be fun. Want me to drop you off? Or-“ Bellamy cuts off and actually slaps a hand to his forehead. “Actually, no, I can’t, I have to help Aaron with something and I need my car.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Alex says with a chuckle when he sees how guilty Bellamy looks. The guy freaks out so easily. “I’ll walk, it’s not a big deal.”

Silence falls between them again, Bellamy lying back down and Alex triple checking that he has all the supplies he’ll need. But then Alex’s thoughts start going to Aaron without him really realizing it. The guy had been surprisingly nice to Alex in the bookstore. Or maybe nice isn’t exactly the right word, but it was _close_ to nice. It had caught Alex by surprise. He’d definitely been starting to think that Aaron was just one giant, stuck up asshole, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe.

“How long have you known Aaron?” Alex asks before he can second-guess his choice to bring him up.

“Oh man, years.” Bellamy sits up again. “Like I said, middle school was when we first met, or at least first started talking, so fifth or sixth grade. I’ll have to find pictures of us from back then. He had an afro and I had these huge glasses.”

“Was he always so…serious?”

“No,” Bellamy answers, shrugging. “But then, I don’t see him as serious _now_. Maybe it’s just because I’ve known him for a long time, but he’s actually one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. He makes me laugh all the time.”

“Huh,” is all Alex says for a moment, trying to imagine Aaron being funny. Maybe Bellamy just laughs at anything. He seems like that kind of person. “You really don’t think he’s super serious all the time?”

“No. I mean, he’s focused, but…” Bellamy trails off, looking at Alex a little more closely as he chews at his bottom lip. He seems to be deciding on what to say. “Aaron is…high school wasn’t easy for him. People didn’t exactly love him for the whole kid genius thing. He got teased a lot, so he doesn’t exactly bloom into a social flower right away when he meets new people.”

“Oh.” Alex looks away from Bellamy, feeling a little guilty for prying so much. Maybe that’s why Aaron had been so tense when Alex had referred to him as a prodigy. Oh god, had he thought that Alex had been about to tease him? “Shit,” Alex mutters to himself, suddenly feeling like a complete idiot. He looks back at Bellamy, who is staring at him with raised eyebrows. “Does he hate me?”

“Aaron?” Bellamy asks, looking surprised, then he laughs. “Well, you did call him a prodigy when I specifically told you not to, but I don’t think he _hates_ you.” Bellamy laughs again when Alex winces at the reminder. “Don’t worry about it, he’ll forget about it at some point. Do you want me to ask him what he thinks of you?”

“Oh, no!” Alex blurts out, waving his hand in what he hopes is a casually dismissive manner, even though he know he’s waving his hand far too frantically for it to be taken as casual. “That’s fine.” He _really_ doesn’t want to know the answer, because he’s pretty sure it won’t be good. “I was just wondering.”

“Okay,” Bellamy says slowly, giving Alex a weird look before flopping back down on the bed. A few minutes pass, and then Bellamy shifts on the mattress, turning his head so he can look at Alex again. “So you’re going to Herc’s place?”

“Yep.”

“Herc is nice,” Bellamy sighs, and Alex holds back a snort at the dreamy look that immediately lights up Bellamy’s face. “Don’t you think they’re nice?”

“They seem nice,” Alex agrees, and then decides to humor Bellamy. “Funny, too.”

“Yes! They’re so funny.” Bellamy grins up at the ceiling. “Herc was one of the first friends I made here. They’re doing comparative literature with a focus on Chinese, and that’s just…that’s nice. I helped them with a lot of the Chinese when they needed help translating.” Bellamy trails off, still smiling. “I promised Herc I would take them there one day.”

“That sounds nice,” Alex says, wanting to laugh at the even dreamier look Bellamy is now giving the ceiling. It’s clear the guy is completely head over heels for Herc. Alex wonders when they’ll actually get together. A few weeks is his guess, based on the dopey smile that is still on Bellamy’s face.

Alex finishes getting all of his stuff ready, stacking his books neatly on his desk and packing his backpack with the materials he’ll need for his first day of classes. As he zips his bag closed, Alex feels his nerves starting to crawl over him. He turns to look at Bellamy, wanting to ask for more advice, but he sees that the other man has fallen asleep, his mouth open as he breathes in and out deeply.

Alex snorts and shakes his head, digging into his pocket for his phone. He finds John’s name in his phone and starts to type out a message.

_< << You guys done with dinner yet? I was about to start heading over to Herc and Laf’s place._

Alex is about to put his phone back in his pocket, not expecting an answer right away, but then his phone vibrates with John’s response.

_> >> COME NOW_

_> >> That sounded weirdly sexual and I didn’t mean it like that. But yeah, come now. We’re all here._

Alex snorts again and texts that he’s on his way, pulling the directions up on his phone before leaving the room.

He still can’t help but think it strange how easily he seems to fit in with this group of people. No one has ever clicked with him as fast, and Alex has barely known them for a full two days. But he feels like he’s known them all for years, especially John. When he’d told them all earlier that day that he had to skip out on dinner, John had sent him about fifty crying emojis, and it had lifted Alex’s spirits a lot.

He finally feels wanted.

He gets to Herc’s and Laf’s place in about fifteen minutes, which isn’t too bad of a walk. He’s barely knocked once when the door is being flung open, and then Alex suddenly has an armful of John, his curly hair tickling Alex’s face as he hugs him and then pulls him inside.

“Alex is here,” John shouts as he pulls away from Alex, keeping one arm around his shoulders as he pulls Alex further inside the apartment, giving Alex no other option but to follow him. There’s the faint response from further inside, one that sounds like Lafayette. “Peggy is here, too,” John tells Alex. “The place we went to dinner for sucked, so we’re ordering pizza. You have any requests?”

“Uh, no,” Alex says, feeling a little overwhelmed at the attention. He’s greeted by Herc, Laf, and Peggy as they step into the living room.

“Good, an easy man to please.” John gives him a wink before going over to Laf, who is on the phone, and relays the information that Alex doesn’t care what’s on the pizza.

“Hey, man,” Herc calls from their spot on the couch. “Busy day?”

“Sort of,” Alex says with a shrug, sitting on one of the chairs. “You know, just getting stuff together.”

“I usually just leave it all till the morning,” Herc answers with a shrug of their own. “Just throw all my shit into my backpack and hope I brought what I need. It’s more exciting that way.”

Alex laughs, but his mind is whirling with the various disasters that could occur from doing that. Before he can worry too much or say anything in response, John and Laf are making their way over to them, and John sits on the arm of the chair Alex is in, shooting him another small wink that makes Alex blush. He’s starting to realize he blushes a lot around John.

“The pizza will be here in half an hour,” Laf informs them with a sad tone. Then he lies on the ground with a groan and throws an arm over his eyes. “I will starve.”

“Dramatic.” Peggy snorts, sitting on the other end of the couch and letting her feet rest on Lafayette’s stomach. “Go eat a snack or something.”

“No,” Lafayette shoots back, a pout forming on his lips. “A snack will not satisfy me. And there is not even any alcohol.”

“It’s the first night before classes, Laf.” Herc argues, nudging Lafayette with one of their feet. “I will not be responsible for sending you to class with a hangover.”

Lafayette pouts even more and raises his arm slightly so he can glare at Herc. “And I thought we were best friends, but clearly I am wrong. I cannot wait until I am twenty-one, I will buy all of my own alcohol, and you will not be able to stop me.”

“At least you just have to wait a few more months,” John cuts in from beside Alex. “I have to wait a whole fucking year. Y’all will be my suppliers though, right?”

“No.”

“Fuck off, Herc.” John laughs and turns to peer down at Alex. “Don’t worry, I’ll have your back once I’m twenty-one.”

“I, uh,” Alex pauses and clears his throat. He still hasn’t told them all that he’s nineteen. It’s now or never. “I’ll actually be twenty-one next year, too. I turn twenty this January, so…” He trails off, waiting to hear everyone’s reaction. He can feel his palms sweating, and he has to stop himself from standing up and bolting.

“Shit,” John says eventually. “All your friends will love you, man.”

“They’ll love him anyway, John,” Peggy pipes in from her spot on the couch, giving Alex a small smile, which he returns gratefully. She moves her feet off of Lafayette’s stomach and makes her way over to the kitchen. “I’m getting snacks if anyone wants any.”

“Chips!” Lafayette calls out, lifting his arm again so he can watch Peggy move around the kitchen, and Alex only has a brief moment to register how no one seems to care that he’s nineteen before Peggy is returning, causing a smile to light up Laf’s face. “Goddess,” Lafayette says when she stands next to him, sitting up so he can take the bag of chips from her. “A true divinity.”

“Shut the fuck up, Gil.”

“You wound me.”

“Are they always like this?” Alex whispers to John, who lets out a small chuckle, watching his friends with a fond look.

“So far they have been,” he states, gazing over at Lafayette and Peggy. “Laf is a drama queen, which I’m sure you’ve already noticed. Peggy’s sister, Eliza, the one you haven’t met yet, introduced Peggy to all of us last year when she came to visit. Her and Laf became pretty fast friends.”

Alex nods at the descriptions, suddenly feeling a little out of place. Everyone else is already so close with one another. What if he can’t catch up? But before Alex can start to worry anymore, he suddenly has a lap full of John. He yelps a little at the movement, and then John is smiling up at him.

“Don’t worry, I have a feeling you and me will be pretty fast friends, too.”

“Do not scare him away, John,” Laf says, still sitting on the floor. “I like Alex too much to see him run away from us in fear.”

“I think he would have run by now,” Herc adds with a snort, looking at Alex. “He already survived one meal with us and willingly came over here. He’s stuck with us now.”

Alex lets a smile spread over his face at those words, most of his nerves starting to slide away at the simple comment. He doesn’t push John off until the pizza comes, and even then John sits right next to him on the floor, their shoulders brushing occasionally as they eat.

It’s nice.

He enjoys himself so much that all thoughts of classes completely disappear from his mind. All of them are so nice, and of course Lafayette demonstrating his handstand skills by effectively crashing into one of their tables is a good distraction as well. Even when things start to get a little heated when they play a round of Monopoly, Alex finds that he’s having more fun than he’s had in years.

The activity starts to die down a little after that, and Alex finds himself sprawled out on the couch on his stomach, while Peggy lies on the floor. Herc and Lafayette are attempting to fix the broken table from earlier, and John is rummaging around in the kitchen for more snacks.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Peggy asks, rolling onto her back so she can look up at Alex. “About starting classes?”

Alex shrugs at first, but then he gives a small nod. There’s no point in lying. “I guess.” He pokes at the couch, and then sighs. “I just don’t really know what to expect, I guess.”

“Angelica told me to not expect anything,” Peggy says with a soft laugh. “She said expecting things will just ruin my first official day. But I’m not sure how to _not_ expect things.”

“Maybe you can just expect the worst things, and then the day will seem amazing by comparison.”

“I like that,” Peggy says with a smile. “Like maybe I’ll go to the wrong class.”

“Or trip in front of everyone.”

“Or fall asleep and get woken up by the professor just so they can kick me out.” Peggy starts to laugh, and Alex smiles down at her, his stomach fluttering with nerves. But he’s glad someone else is nervous, too. It helps “It can’t be that bad.”

“I hope not,” Alex murmurs, trying not to sigh too loudly.

“What freshman seminar are you taking?”

“Science, Technology, and Public Policy,” Alex answers, lifting his head up. “It sounds really interesting, and I-”

“Oh please,” John’s voice interjects, and Alex and Peggy both look over to see him walking back over to them. “My freshman seminar was on the art of seduction and flirting in literature. I don’t think anything can beat that.”

“Well apparently you didn’t learn much,” Herc cuts in from the other side of the room with a smirk, “seeing as you haven’t dated someone for over a year.”

Alex and Peggy laugh loudly at that, while John simply flips Herc off before going over to the couch and sitting on Alex’s back, causing him to wheeze.

“Just because _you’re_ impervious to my charms doesn’t mean everyone else is,” John says, wriggling around on top of Alex. “I am very charming.”

“Agree to disagree, my friend,” Laf says with a smile, nodding at the two of them. “But if you’re flirting style is to kill the one you love by suffocating them, I’d say you are doing a good job of that.”

John jumps up at the words, launching himself at Lafayette and wrestling playfully with him while Herc yells at them to avoid the furniture.

They goof off for another hour or so longer, Herc finally kicking them out when the table gets broken for a second time after Lafayette attempts to jump into Peggy’s arms. Alex leaves with John, both of them laughing loudly as Herc yells at Lafayette from inside.

“You sure you aren’t going to run away in fear from all of us?” John asks as they start to walk. “Any sane person would have left after the table got broken for the first time. Are you a sane person?”

“Apparently not,” Alex says with a small chuckle. “I’m just more intrigued than ever. I’ve got to stick around to see what happens.”

“I like you, Alexander Hamilton,” John tells him, knocking their shoulders together. He smiles widely when Alex ducks his head. “I think you fit right in with all of us, which isn’t an easy thing to do. Jefferson has been trying for years.”

Alex snorts at that. “How did Jefferson even start hanging out with you guys?” He’s really not sure how Jefferson fits in with this group of people. “He seems…not like the rest of you.”

“Well, he’s friends with Angelica, so he had an immediate in to the group,” John tells him with a shrug. “And then him and Aaron got close, and once you’re friends with two people in the group you’re pretty much there to stay. Him and Laf hang out a lot, too.”

“Interesting,” Alex mumbles. He knows that he doesn’t exactly know Jefferson that much, but he just seems like a sort of pretentious person. Plus he hadn’t seemed very fond of Alex, which didn’t do much for him in Alex’s mind. And his relationship with Aaron just seems weird.

John brings him out of his thoughts by nudging him, and then gestures to the right. “I’m this way. I’ll see you tomorrow though, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Alex breathes out, his stomach feeling like it’s doing flips. “Yeah, tomorrow sounds good.”

“Awesome,” John says with a grin. “Good luck tomorrow, don’t freak out too much!”

Alex give him a weak smile, trying not to let his nerves show. He waves at John as they walk their separate ways.

John is nice, _more_ than nice. And he’s attractive; Alex would have to be an idiot to not see that. But he can’t tell if he’s just naturally flirty or actually being serious when he’s winking at Alex and throwing an arm around him like it’s the most comfortable thing in the world.

Alex ponders the situation for a little bit, but then he reaches his dorm, and for some reason, something keeps him from going inside. If he goes inside, he’ll have to go to sleep. And once he goes to sleep, he’ll have to wake up and go to class. Alex isn’t too keen on that happening at the moment.

He starts to pace instead, running a hand through his hair and thinking back to his and Peggy’s conversation from earlier. What if something bad does happen tomorrow? What if he does or says something embarrassing, or gets kicked out of school somehow? What if-

“What are you doing?”

The voice causes Alex to jump, and he lets out a high-pitched yelp as he spins around, his hands half raised into fists as he does. When his eyes land on an unimpressed Aaron, Alex quickly drops his hands and rubs at the back of his neck. “Oh, it’s you.”

“It’s me,” Aaron agrees, still looking vaguely unimpressed. Alex is starting to wonder if that’s just how his face naturally falls. But then something in Aaron’s expression flickers, and he takes a step closer. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Okay?” Alex waves a hand in the air and laughs, or at least, he hopes it sounds like a laugh. His ears feel clogged. “I’m great. I’m fine. I’m…yeah.”

Aaron shifts on his feet, looking at Alex a beat longer before lifting his shoulders in a shrug. “Well, okay then.” He turns around and takes a few steps away from Alex, but then he pauses, and Alex watches as Aaron’s shoulders rise like he’s taking a deep breath. Then he’s turning around again to face him. “The first day of class is always intimidating,” he starts, and Alex feels a jolt of surprise run through him. Is Aaron Burr trying to comfort him? “Everybody is always nervous, even if they’re acting like they’re not.”

“Is it that obvious?” Alex asks, feeling self-conscious. “That I’m nervous?”

“The pacing and talking to yourself kind of gave it away.”

Alex laughs at that. “Yeah, it’s a habit I can’t seem to shake. Hopefully Bellamy won’t get too annoyed with me.”

“He talks in his sleep, so I’d say it’s a fair trade.” Aaron takes a step closer, looking at Alex with a thoughtful expression. “Sometimes you can even have full conversations with him. One time I got him to recite the opening scene of the first Harry Potter movie with me. It’s very entertaining. You should try it.”

“Oh, sure.” Alex can’t help but still feel surprised at how easily Aaron is talking with him, and how much. It’s the most words he’s heard the guy string together, especially directed at him. “I, uh, I’ll try it, thanks. Maybe I can get him through the rest of the movie.”

Aaron laughs at that, or at least he almost does. It’s more like a soft exhale of breath, the corners of his lips turning up. But Alex counts it as a laugh, so he smiles in return.

They stand there in silence after that, and Alex picks at his shirtsleeve with his fingers, eyes flicking away from Aaron and then back, noticing how he’s still watching him calmly, like he’s waiting. So Alex takes a deep breath. “D-do you, uh, do you still get nervous about classes?”

“Every semester,” Aaron says casually, shrugging his shoulders smoothly. Alex is about to ask him what he does to calm down, but Aaron holds up a hand to stop him from speaking, and for some reason, Alex lets himself fall silent. “I’ve done all the stuff they always recommend to calm down. Breathing exercises, listening to music, I even tried coloring once. None of it helped.”

“Maybe you had the wrong coloring book,” Alex tries, smiling again when Aaron shoots him a look that is half exasperation, half amusement. “But _nothing_ helped?”

“Maybe for a little. But as soon as I’d stop, try to sleep, I’d just start freaking out again.”

“So what?” Alex shifts on his feet and feels more of his nerves coming back. “I just resign myself to a sleepless night? That’s your advice?”

“My advice,” Aaron starts slowly, “is to just let yourself be nervous.”

Alex has to physically stop himself from looking at Aaron like he’s a crazy person. “That’s…kind of really shitty advice.”

“You’re gonna doubt the advice of a prodigy?” Aaron says the words with a teasing tone, but Alex feels a flash of guilt inside him, remembering what Bellamy had said earlier about Aaron being teased when he was a kid. “I know it sounds weird, but trust me. If you freak out about being nervous, you’ll just get more nervous. Just…let yourself freak out. Pace, talk to yourself, whatever.”

“Okay,” Alex says after a moment, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Sure. Freak out. I can do that, I’m good at that, really good at freaking out.”

“Then you’ve got the makings of a prodigy in you.”

Alex laughs at the word this time, gaze locking on Aaron’s as they both smile. Then a loud noise followed by the voices of other people around them pulls Alex out of the moment, and he looks around to see other students heading back to their dorms. He hadn’t realized how late it was.

“I should go,” Aaron says softly, already starting to walk away.

“Wait,” Alex calls out, knowing that there is something else he needs to say. “I, uh,” he watches as Aaron turns back to him with a questioning glance. “I’m sorry about calling you a prodigy. I-I mean, not that you aren’t, cause-I mean, I just…” He forces himself to stop and take a breath. “I just…I wasn’t making fun of you, when I said it.”

Aaron stares at him after that, not saying anything for long moments that seem like hours to

Alex. He’s starting to worry that he’s said something else wrong but then Aaron nods slowly.

“I know you weren’t.” His voice is low, almost a whisper. He takes a step back. “I’ll see you around, Alexander.”

“See ya,” Alex murmurs back, feeling another wave of fluttering in his stomach, but he's not sure if it's because he's nervous, or because of some other reason. He watches Aaron walk away for a moment before huffing out a short laugh and turning around to head back to his own dorm.

When he walks in, Bellamy is still asleep, so Alex does his best to be quiet as he gets ready for bed. As he’s brushing his teeth, staring at his reflection in the mirror, Alex starts to think that maybe his first impression of Aaron had been wrong.

Aaron is definitely nice, or at least he is when he wants to be. They aren’t even friends and the guy had taken the time to stop and ask Alex if he was okay, which is something that Alex has to appreciate, cause to be honest, Alex probably wouldn’t think to do that for someone he barely knew. Plus the advice Aaron gave him was actually good.

He's got a nice laugh, too.

Alex finishes up in the bathroom and then crawls into bed, flopping face first onto his mattress. He can still feel some nerves right underneath his skin, but he just swallows and takes a deep breath, trying to let himself feel comfortable with being nervous. If it works for Aaron, it will work for him. Alex is determined.

Bellamy shifts on his bed, mumbling something Alex can’t make out, and this causes Alex to remember what Aaron had said.

“Bellamy,” Alex breathes out, stifling a laugh behind his blanket when Bellamy just groans in response. Then he takes a steadying breath, and searches his mind for how the first Harry Potter movie starts. “I should have known that you would be here, Professor McGonagall.” He holds his breath as he waits.

“Good evening, Professor Dumbledore,” Bellamy mutters back, causing Alex to snort into his pillow.

This is going to be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading!!!! College has officially started back up for me, but I'm hoping I can keep the updates coming weekly. Kudos and comments fuel my motivation, so if you like the story, please let me know by leaving some here, or at my tumblr, @fanciful-follies.
> 
> Stay tuned for the next update, where we learn a little more about what happened with Sally, and what's going on with Aaron and Thomas.
> 
> Thanks again! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter for your reading enjoyment! :D

Two hours.

That’s how much sleep Aaron managed to get last night. Two hours. Maybe less, but he’s rounding up in an attempt to trick himself into thinking that he’s better rested. He should have known taking a nine am class would bite him in the ass, but it had been the only time that his religion class had been offered.

It also didn’t help that Aaron hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Sally all night.

He’d been close with his sister for as long as he can remember. They’d been so young when their parents passed; Aaron just a little over three years old, Sally closing in on five. They had clung to each other after that, both of them too young to take in the full weight of what had happened until years later.

They had been passed off to their grandparents, spent a year in their home, getting used to a new environment. But then that home had collapsed as well, and Aaron had Sally were handed off to another relative, their uncle, Timothy Burr, their mother’s brother.

Aaron knows he’s lucky, knows it could have been worse. They could have been put into foster care, him and Sally could have been parted. It could have been worse, but it still wasn’t ideal.

Their uncle was strict with their education, monitoring their homework and limiting the time they spent doing other things. There were punishments for mistakes, and Aaron found himself studying hours on end in order to avoid as many punishments as he could. His uncle always said he was doing it for their parents, to make their parents proud, so Aaron accepted that as fact. He started to study for his parents.

He wasn’t born a natural genius, but he made himself into one.

Sometimes it felt like Sally was the only person Aaron could talk to. No one liked him at school until he met Bellamy, no one talked to him. But Sally was always there. Always. She picked him up from school, they walked home together, made meals together, sat up late at night after their uncle had gone to bed and read stories together.

Sally struggled with their uncle more than Aaron ever did. They clashed, had loud fights that caused Aaron to throw blankets over his head at night in an attempt to block it out. Then, some hours later, Sally would open his door, slip under the blanket with him and fall asleep beside him, face streaked with tears.

They grew up being each other’s support system. No matter what happened, Aaron has always known that Sally was going to be there for him. Or at least that’s what he had thought.

He can still remember that day so well, like it had just happened instead of at the beginning of the summer. He remembers Sally saying she wasn’t going back to college, that she was done following their uncle’s rules and done going down a path she didn’t want. He remembers his uncle yelling back at her, telling her that she was being ungrateful, that he’s doing what’s best for her and for their family.

Sally hadn’t come to talk to Aaron later that night, hadn’t opened his door. She had gone to her room, and Aaron had fallen into a fretful night of sleep. When he woke up the next morning, the house was quiet, the kind of quiet that follows some awful event, where the silence seems to cling to the walls and seep into everything.

Aaron had crawled out of bed, had knocked on Sally’s door before walking into her room, his eyes landing on her empty bed and the strange tidiness of her room. There were no clothes on the ground, none in her closet, and then a hand had closed around Aaron’s heart, squeezing.

He went back to his room, saw the letter on his floor that he had missed. He had picked it up, the hand squeezing even tighter as he started to read the words on the paper. Sally had left, packed her things and left. She’d had enough; she refused to go down a path their uncle had created. She was leaving, wouldn’t go too far, but she couldn’t tell Aaron where she was, because she knew their uncle would ask, would try to contact her, and she didn’t want to put Aaron in a difficult position. So Sally was gone.

And he hadn’t heard from her in over two months.

Aaron gets dressed mechanically, not really paying attention to what he’s putting on. He tries to be as quiet as he can, with Maria still asleep on the air mattress beside his bed. Surprisingly, he doesn’t feel nervous for the first day of classes. He feels empty. Like he’s floating.

He debates skipping breakfast, but he peers over at the clock and sees that he has a good forty-five minutes before class, and eating sounds better than just sitting in his room, staring at a wall. So Aaron double checks his backpack and slings it over his shoulder before stepping out of his room and then out of the building, taking in the flurry of students making their way around campus.

He makes it to the dining hall in about ten minutes, barely stepping through the doors before a surprised ‘oh’ comes from his left, and Aaron turns to see a rather flustered looking Alexander Hamilton staring at him.

“Aaron,” he grabs onto his shirtsleeve and gives a tug, surprising Aaron so much with the gesture that he doesn’t push Alexander away. “It’s so crowded in here. Do you want to sit with me?” He doesn’t even let Aaron answer, just tugs him over to a table and sits him down, grinning at him. “I took your advice, by the way.”

“My advice?” Aaron can’t remember what he’s talking about, and he’s still registering the fact that Alexander had basically ambushed him.

“About just letting myself be nervous. It worked, actually. I slept for like, eight hours last night.”

“Oh.” Aaron rubs at his eyes with his knuckles. “That’s…that’s good. I’m glad.”

“Bellamy also talks a lot when he sleeps,” Alexander continues, “like a lot. It’s kind of hilarious. But once I got him going he didn’t really stop, which I guess I had coming. Anyway, I have a ten am today, what about you?”

“Nine am,” Aaron grunts out, blinking his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. He can’t fall asleep on the first day. He glances over at Alexander, who is watching him with a small crease between his eyebrows. Aaron just shrugs. “Probably not the best planning on my part.”

“Didn’t get a lot of sleep?”

“No,” Aaron says with a chuckle, rubbing at his eyes again. “About two hours, I think.” He looks up again when Alexander remains silent, and sees the slight concern on his face, which surprises Aaron. “I’ll be fine, I’ve gone with less.”

“Stay here,” Alexander tells him, standing up quickly and walking away before Aaron can stop him. He returns moments, or maybe it’s minutes, later with coffee in one hand, and a small muffin in the other. “Here, eat. I realized I kind of grabbed you before you could get food.”

Aaron accepts the food and drink, still feeling slightly in shock. He barely knows this guy. “Thank you.” He watches as Alexander sits back down, shrugging off the thanks. Aaron takes a sip of the coffee, picks up the muffin, and then clears his throat. He should probably make some small talk. “So, what classes do you have today?”

“I’ve got intro to sociology at ten, and then my required freshman course, technology and public policy,” Alexander says, ticking the classes off with his fingers. “Then tomorrow I have political theory and American society and politics.”

“At two?” Aaron asks, stopping mid chew. “With Washington?”

“Yeah.” Alexander leans over the table a little, his eyes lighting up. “Do you have it, too?” When Aaron nods, Alexander grins. “Great. You can help me out. I looked at ratemyprofessor.com last night, apparently Washington is a hard ass. People fail out of his classes all the time.”

“Great,” Aaron mumbles, his stomach churning uncomfortably. That’s not something he wants to hear.

“Hey, don’t worry. I can help you out, if you want.”

Aaron doesn’t respond to that, knowing Alexander means well in everything he’s saying. Aaron just usually prefers eating alone before a class, needing time to wake up, time to prepare himself for the day. And now that they’re talking about classes, Aaron can feel nerves starting to creep over him.

“Am I annoying you?” Alexander asks bluntly, causing Aaron to choke a little on the muffin, but Alexander just grins at him. “I am, aren’t I? Sorry.”

“It’s…fine,” Aaron responds after a moment. “I’m just…not a morning person.”

“Huh,” Alexander says, sounding amused. “I did not picture you hating mornings.” The words barely leave him before his face turns red, a slight panicked look entering his eyes. “I-I mean, not that I picture you doing things, cause I don’t! I’m not that weird, I swear, I just-” Alexander cuts off with a frown when Aaron starts to chuckle, muffling the sound behind his hand.

“Alexander, it’s fine. I know what you meant.”

“Right,” Alexander says, still looking a little embarrassed. “Well, I should go.” Alexander stands up again, shooting Aaron another grin. “I’ll see you tomorrow though, yeah?” He nods and picks up his stuff, throwing Aaron a small wave as he walks away, a bounce to his step.

Aaron watches him go, thinking in his mind that Alexander seems like he’s going to adjust pretty well to being at Princeton. He finishes his coffee and muffin, not entirely sure why there is still a smile on his face. Feeling a little bit better, he heads to class.

Everything is pretty uneventful. Syllabus week usually is. Aaron introduces himself, they go over the semester’s schedule, and they get a short introduction on the topics of the class. Somehow he manages to stay awake throughout both classes, although he wouldn’t exactly say that he paid attention very well.

Aaron is leaving his last class when he hears a voice calling his name, and he turns to see Bellamy trotting over to him. Good, maybe they can get lunch together, and Aaron can finally talk to him about everything.

“How were your classes?” Bellamy asks once he reaches Aaron, slinging an arm easily around his shoulders. “Were they fun?”

“I don’t know about fun,” Aaron answers with a laugh. “But they were good.” He apologizes to a student they run into, neither of them willing to remove an arm from the other’s shoulders. “How were yours?”

“Fun!” Bellamy answers, and Aaron rolls his eyes. Only Bellamy would love his classes so much. It’s just his personality. “They-” Bellamy cuts off suddenly, and Aaron looks over to see him staring wide eyed at something in front of them, a blush spreading across his face.

Aaron follows his eyes to see Hercules standing a few feet in front of them, talking to Angelica. He snorts when he realizes why Bellamy is staring the way he is. Hercules is dressed in dark leggings and a v-neck, the outfit showing of their muscles. When their eyes move over to Bellamy, Aaron notices the glittery eyeliner on their eyelids.

Aaron hears Bellamy breathe out sharply, and then he’s dislodging himself from Aaron and practically running over to Hercules.

Aaron rolls his eyes but chuckles under his breath before following. Once he catches up, Bellamy is already mid sentence, and Hercules is listing with a small smile on their face. Aaron meets Angelica’s eyes over Hercules’s shoulder, and they both roll their eyes.

Everyone in their friend group is beyond used to seeing Hercules and Bellamy flirt.

“I was just going to get lunch,” Hercules says, trailing off and giving Bellamy a significant look.

“I’ll come!” Bellamy blurts out immediately, his eyes lighting up. “Yeah, yeah I don’t have anything to do today. Let’s…yeah, we should eat.”

Hercules grins widely and then reaches out to take some of the books Bellamy is carrying, and then the two of them are walking away, smiling at each other and sneaking small glances.

“They’re getting married,” Angelica says, watching them. “Like, as soon as they graduate. I’m calling it now.”

“They need to actually start dating first.”

“True.” Angelica turns and smiles at Aaron. “Do you want to get something to eat?”

“Can’t,” Aaron responds, despite his grumbling stomach. He pushes the disappointment of not being able to talk to Bellamy away. “Maybe later, though.” There’s a slow pressure building behind his eyes, and Aaron doesn’t feel like sitting in a crowded dining hall anymore. “I’ve got some stuff to do. I’ll see you later.” He turns and walks away before Angelica can respond.

He needs to de-stress. And he knows the perfect place.

When he reaches his destination, Aaron knocks on the apartment door in front of him, trying not to fidget too much as he waits. A few seconds later, the door swings open, and Aaron rolls his eyes at the smug smile that greets him.

“Couldn’t even go a day, huh?” Thomas asks, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms. “I’m flattered.”

“Shut up, Thomas.” Aaron pushes past him and sets his bag on the floor, only turning back around when he hears the door click shut. “From what I remember, you were the one starting things as soon as we were getting lunch that first day.” He rolls his eyes again when he sees that Thomas is still smiling. “I hate you sometimes.”

Thomas’s smile grows a little softer at the words. “No, you don’t, but good effort.” He steps closer to Aaron, flicking his eyes across his face, inspecting him in a way that makes Aaron shift on his feet. “Bad first day?”

“Just the usual,” Aaron answers with a shrug. Thomas can be too observant sometimes “Long. Tiring.”

“And your summer? I never got the chance to ask.”

“Got a job.” Aaron looks down at his hands and shrugs again. “I told my uncle that I had an internship at a law firm a few blocks away, but I was working at a bookstore instead.”

“And you had to lie about it why?”

“You know why,” Aaron says with a scowl, turning away from Thomas and sitting on the edge of his bed, already getting his shoes off. “He thinks making my own money is a waste of time, that I’ll get my inheritance soon enough, and should focus on getting my foot in the door.”

“I’m guessing he’s still making you ask his permission for money?” Thomas asks, and he sits down gently beside Aaron, letting out a slow exhale when Aaron nods his head. “You know,” Thomas starts, “he does that because-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Aaron cuts in quickly, because he really doesn’t. That’s not what he came here for. He glares at Thomas when the man lets out a low chuckle.

“Right.” He laughs again. “You wanting to talk would be more shocking than you choosing to work a customer service job.” Thomas shifts on the bed, and his eyes lock on Aaron. He seems to be considering something, and he lets out a small sigh. “ Stubborn as always. Okay then, take off your shirt.”

Aaron snorts at the abruptness, but his hands automatically go to the hem of his shirt, and he lifts the fabric off in a quick motion. When they first started this, he used to feel self conscious in front of Thomas, but now it’s almost second nature to him.

It had been at the end of his second semester that they had started this. Him and Thomas had already been friends, paths crossing more than occasionally, the banter between them always laced with something else, something that made Aaron’s skin prickle. He’s not blind, he can see that Thomas is attractive, and there’s a strange feeling of comfort with him, so it almost seemed natural that they would start sleeping together.

Although sleeping together might not be the best word. Fucking is more fitting. Aaron will go to Thomas when he’s stressed, and Thomas will go to Aaron whenever he’s feeling particularly horny, which is more often than not. It’s a no strings attached situation, not affecting their friendship in the slightest. And despite what a lot of people think, Thomas is nice.

Thomas’s fingers brushing over the front of his pants brings Aaron’s mind back to the proceedings about to happen. He lifts his eyes to Thomas’s face, taking in the way his eyes are a little darker than before. “Okay?” Thomas asks, smiling a little when Aaron nods. “Lay back.” He climbs over Aaron as he lays back on the bed, settling on top of his thighs, his hands trailing down his chest.

Aaron hums at the sensation, and brings his hands up so he can tug at Thomas’s shirt, causing the man to shift back so he can pull his own shirt off. He bends over Aaron as soon as the shirt hits the floor, using a hand to tilt Aaron’s chin up and then leaning in to attach his lips to the skin under Aaron’s jaw.

A soft sight escapes Aaron, and he lets his eyes flutter shut, his hands moving to rest on Thomas’s shoulders as he nips at the sensitive area of Aaron’s neck. They’ve done this enough times to know what the other likes, and Aaron appreciates that. There’s no awkwardness between them. It’s comfortable, and it’s good with Thomas. More than good, if he’s being honest.

Aaron arches slightly when Thomas’s tongue flicks out across his skin, causing their hips to meet, and Aaron can feel that Thomas is half-hard against his lower stomach. Thomas breathes out heavily against his neck at the movement, and then his hands are moving down, coming to rest at the front of Aaron’s pants again.

“What do you want?” Thomas asks lowly, his breath tickling the side of Aaron’s face. He gets Aaron’s jeans open, and his hand slips inside, wrapping around Aaron and starting to stroke him to full hardness.

“This,” Aaron breathes out, opening his eyes so he can focus on getting Thomas out of his jeans next. His fingers fumble with the zipper as Thomas continues to stroke him, squeezing occasionally. “Shit, that’s-” Aaron cuts off as he manages to push Thomas’s jeans and boxers partly down his thighs, his cock springing free. Aaron reaches for it, and Thomas’s hips jerk into the feeling.

“Wait,” Thomas murmurs, letting go of Aaron and pulling away. He climbs off the bed momentarily, shucking his pants and boxers off completely before sitting at the top of the bed, his back against the headboard. “Take your pants off, c’mon.” He watches Aaron strip shamelessly, his hand on his cock as he does.

Aaron gets the rest of his clothes off and then shuffles over to Thomas, letting him arrange Aaron on top of his thighs. Even with the extra height, Thomas is still taller, and Aaron’s face is only level with Thomas’s jaw, which he leans forward to press his lips to, enjoying the feeling of the light scratch of stubble. He hears Thomas scrambling around in his bedside table, and then his hand is back on Aaron, slicker this time.

“Good?” Thomas asks, his voice sounding strained, and all Aaron can do is nod in response as sparks of pleasure start to shoot through him. Thomas presses the lube into Aaron’s hand, and he gets some out of the bottle before tossing it aside, wrapping his hand around Thomas again. “Fuck,” Thomas gasps, his head tilting back as Aaron starts to move his hand. “Yeah, keep going.”

They continue to jerk each other off, small gasps and moans filtering through the air as they do. Aaron can feel his orgasm building low in his stomach, feeling his skin growing warmer and warmer. Thomas’s hand starts to move faster, and when he thumbs over the head of his cock, Aaron jolts and lets a moan escape his mouth.

“Yeah, c’mon, Aaron,” Thomas encourages, his other hand smoothing up his thigh and squeezing. “I’ve got you. Let go. You always look so good when you do, c’mon.”

Aaron squeezes his eyes shut, knowing that what Thomas is saying are just words. He’s never seen Aaron’s face when he comes, they just don’t do that. It would feel too intimate. So Aaron buries his face in Thomas’s neck, his hips thrusting slightly into Thomas’s hand, and he lets himself go with a soft cry.

Thomas strokes him through it, murmuring words that Aaron can’t hear over the rush in his ears. Then that hand is gone, and Aaron slumps against Thomas, his head resting on his warm shoulder. He can feel Thomas moving, realizes that he’s getting himself off, and knows he should move to help. But he’s too slow, and Thomas comes onto his own stomach with a shuddering groan.

They stay like that for a moment, both of them breathing heavily, but then Thomas shoves at Aaron, mumbling something about his legs falling asleep, and stands up to go clean himself off.

Aaron groans, but he stands up as well, going into the kitchen to wash off with a paper towel. Then he grabs for his boxers and pants, pulling them back on quickly. He’s got one leg into his pants when Thomas emerges from the bathroom, pants on but torso bare. He waves at the bathroom behind him.

“You’re welcome to use it,” he says, snorting when Aaron stares at him with wide eyes. “You know, to shower? That’s a thing people do after sex sometimes.”

“No thanks,” Aaron mutters. He doesn’t like to stay after they mess around, prefers to escape as soon as possible. “Homework.”

Thomas hums disbelievingly, but he just raises his eyebrows at Aaron and bends down to pick up his shirt, tossing at Aaron. “You haven’t changed at all, Aaron.”

“Neither have you,” Aaron says, his voice muffled by his shirt as he pulls it over his head. He pulls his shoes on and grabs his bag, only turning back once he’s at the door. He peers back at Thomas, who is lounging on the bed. “Thanks,” Aaron manages to get out, pausing in front of the door, and feeling awkward for some reason.

But Thomas just smiles at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little. “Anytime.” His voice has a slight teasing lilt to it, and it makes Aaron laugh softly. Thomas is one of a kind.

“Hey,” Aaron starts, remembering something. “Do you know a James Madison?”

“Yes,” Thomas answers slowly, tilting his head to the side. “He goes here, we’ve had some classes together.”

“He also works at the same coffee shop as Maria,” Aaron adds, clearing his throat when all Thomas does is nod. “Well, I ran into him there. He told me to tell you hello, and...and he looked kind of mad at me?”

“Oh.” Thomas looks awkward at that for some reason, shifting a little on the bed. “I’m sure it wasn’t you. I go in there a lot and make him listen to all of my complaints about life, which you know I have many.” Thomas pauses and grins apologetically. “He was probably annoyed at me.”

“Right.” Aaron stares at Thomas, not really sure if he believes him. It had been such a strange interaction.

“Are you okay?”

“Hm?” Aaron gives himself a small shake, and sees Thomas looking back at him with some concern. Aaron puts a smile on his face. “Yeah, yeah. Like I said, long day.” He hesitates a moment longer, wavering on a decision to stay, to talk to Thomas longer, to tell him everything. But Aaron just gives himself another shake and slips out the door.

The walk back to the dorm passes by quickly, Aaron too lost in his own thoughts to really pay attention to his surroundings. He doesn’t even register the loud music coming from inside his room until he’s pushing the door open.

As soon as he steps in, Maria rushes over to greet him with a wide smile.

“Hi!” She shouts over the music, waving a bottle of windex at him. “I hope you had a good first day! I cleaned your room!”

Aaron shuts the door and leans against it, taking a deep breath in through his nose as he looks around the room. It’s clear Maria cleaned. His desk is spotless, which worries him momentarily, knowing that he probably won’t be able to find a few of his things. But then he looks back at Maria, who is still smiling, and he hitches a matching smile of his own onto his face.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I don’t mind,” Maria tells him, lowering the music a little. “I only had one class, and Madison took my shift at work, so I had free time. I also bought a wall flower cause your room has a weird smell. And I might buy some curtains for the window, the sun gets really bright in here.”

Aaron just keeps smiling at Maria, knowing that if he opens his mouth he’ll end up saying something rude. He just likes his room the way it is. But he’s sharing it with Maria know, so it’s fine. It’s fine.

“So you had a good first day?” Maria asks once Aaron sits down onto his bed with a huff. “Classes were good? You had fun?”

“Yeah,” Aaron sighs, lying down on his bed. He has to admit that the day did go better than he originally thought it would. His mind goes to Thomas first, and he focuses on how relaxed his body feels. But then his mind suddenly goes to Alexander, and how surprisingly nice he’d been. Aaron rolls over onto his side to give Maria another small smile. “I had fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Alexander are doing a pretty good job of not being assholes to each other. We'll see how long it lasts.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! :) Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave them here or come talk to me @ fanciful-follies on tumblr! Thanks again! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! An early-ish update.
> 
> Got a few people to give shout outs too on this one. One of y'all requested a modern day version of Farmer's Refuted, so I did my best. And then also S/O to @hollaatmetho13 on tumblr for discussing an art project she did and allowing me to use it as inspo for what Maria does in this chapter.
> 
> Anyway, read and enjoy! x

When he wakes up on Tuesday morning, Alex practically jumps out of bed.

His first day of classes had been good, better than good. Amazing, really. His classes seem like they’ll be interesting, which is good, since he really has to focus on keeping his grades up for his scholarship. And he’d managed not to embarrass himself, which is always a plus. Although people _had_ looked at him strangely when he’d taken five minutes to introduce himself at the beginning of one of his classes. But what can he say? There’s a lot to talk about. And today has barely even started, but Alex is more than excited.

He has a class with Aaron today.

Over the years, he’d built up an idea of what Aaron would be like in class. He pictures him as focused, hand shooting up in the air at every question, answering them all with a calm, even voice. He’d tried to model himself after that made up image in his mind, answering questions in high school as calmly as he could. But it never seemed to work; he’d get too excited, start going off on tangents, and his teachers would always cut him off before he got to the point.

So far college hasn’t been like that; his professors let him talk, and other students even add onto his points and agree with him, which is something Alex definitely isn’t used to. He loves it.

He dresses quickly, whistling as he does. Bellamy has an early class on Tuesday’s, so Alex doesn’t have to worry about being quiet, which he appreciated. He grabs all of his supplies, feeling considerably less stressed than yesterday, and then walks out the door, practically overflowing with excitement.

His first class goes by quickly, nothing too extraordinary happening. His professor seems intelligent enough, and Alex is at least interested in the subject. But he can’t stop his eyes from glancing at the clock, the anticipation of his next class distracting him so much that he’s having trouble paying attention to anything that is happening.

When it’s time for his second class, Alex almost jogs to the room, pushing the door open and walking in, eyes immediately landing on Aaron, who is seated in the middle row of desks, looking up in surprise when the door bangs open. But then his face settles into an expression of his usual exasperation when he sees that it’s Alex.

Alex beams at him and waves, trotting over to take one of the seats beside Aaron. “Hey!” He's happy to see that Aaron doesn't look as tired as yesterday when Alex had run into him at the dining hall. He'd been seriously concerned that Aaron was going to pass out, and there's no way he's strong enough to carry Aaron to the wellness center. 

“Hey,” Aaron responds, not even sounding half as excited as Alex, but Alex doesn’t take offense, finally starting to understand that that’s just how Aaron sounds. “You seem excited.” His voice is dry, but Alex thinks he can hear a teasing tone in it.

“I am,” Alex says with a smile, wriggling a little in his seat. “Are you trying to say that you aren’t excited to have a class with me?”

“I’ll let you know after it’s over,” Aaron tells him, looking away from Alex and down at his notes, shifting a little and then sighing. “Stop looking at me, Alexander. It’s freaking me out.”

“Sorry,” Alex says, but his eyes stay on Aaron, who is now scribbling the date onto the corner of his notebook page. He has nice handwriting. “So you haven’t ever had Professor Washington before?”

Aaron shakes his head, and then sighs again as he looks back over at Alex. “No, but I’ve heard he’s really good. Intimidating, though.”

“Intimidating?” Alex asks, his chest tightening with nerves for a moment. “Intimidating how?”

Aaron shrugs. “It’s just what I’ve heard.” He peers at Alex closely for a moment before moving his eyes back to his notebook again. “It’ll be fine. He’s also known as one of the most approachable professors to those he respects, so you’ll be fine.”

Alex blinks at Aaron, trying to take in the fact that he thinks Aaron just complimented him. “Huh,” Alex murmurs softly to himself, wondering what has shifted between them to cause Aaron to be so nice. It’s kind of weird, if Alex is being honest. Are they friends now? That would be nice. But before Alex can think about it too much, the door of the classroom is opening, and a tall, broad man is stepping inside.

Alex knows immediately that it’s Professor Washington. He does have a sort of intimidating air about him, but he also smiles at the students who are already seated, which calms some of Alex’s nerves. At least the guy smiles; that must be a good sign.

A few more minutes go by, and Alex turns to talk more to Aaron, but he’s looking down at his phone, a small frown on his face, so Alex bites back his words and forces himself to keep quiet. He only has to wait a few more moments for Professor Washington to clear his throat and steps forward.

“Hello, everyone,” he starts in a deep voice. “I am Professor Washington. I’m sure you’ve all heard quite a bit about me, and I will tell you that most of it is true.” He pauses here, and Alex snorts softly. “This class will not be easy, but if you keep up, you’ll do just fine. Now.” Washington claps his hands together and grins. “Introductions. Tell me your name, your grade, your major if you know it, and what you plan to do with that major in the future.”

Washington points at a random student, and the introductions begin.

When it’s Aaron’s turn to introduce himself, Alex notices how his grip tightens around his pencil, and his shoulders tense. “I’m Aaron,” he begins softly, and Alex also notices how he leaves out his last name. “I’m a sophomore, doubling in politics and religion.” He stops there, and Washington looks at him for a moment to see if he’s going to add more, but then turns his eyes to Alex, who sits up a little straighter in his seat.

“I’m Alexander Hamilton,” he begins quickly. “I’m a freshman and I plan to double major in politics and sociology, and possibly minor in history. My future plans are to keep involved with politics and possibly go into public policy where I can start to make some changes.”

“Ambitious,” Washington comments with a smile, and Alex smiles back, feeling like he’s done something right. “I can’t wait to see what you contribute to the class, Alexander.” Then he moves to the next student, leaving Alex grinning widely at his seat.

Class goes by pretty quickly, and Alex finds himself on the edge of his seat for most of the period. Professor Washington is extremely intelligent, and his lecture style is captivating. Alex doesn’t even find himself looking at the clock once. He does look at Aaron, though.

He’s much more quiet in class than Alex expected. He keeps his eyes down at his notes, which he takes a lot of, but he never participates. It’s strange. Alex thinks that he sometimes sees Aaron writing down the answer to a question before anyone vocalizes it. He’s tempted to ask Aaron about it, but he’s getting to know Aaron well enough to know that would probably be a bad idea.

“Washington seems cool,” Alex says as him and Aaron both pack up their stuff once Washington dismisses them. When all Aaron does is nod, Alex moves onto another topic. “Do you know where the LGBTQA meetings are held? Bellamy told me about them and I thought I would check them out.”

“I can show you,” Aaron says, shoving his notebook into his backpack. “I’m going, too, so you can just come with me.”

“Oh, awesome!” Alex grins widely at Aaron, who just stares back for a moment, like he’s having trouble understanding Alex’s enthusiasm, but then he’s slinging his backpack over his shoulders and walking over to the door, waiting for Alex to catch up before walking out.

They walk in silence for a little bit, but Alex is thrumming with excitement from the class. He loves when he feels like he’s going to do well in a specific class. His first two days of college are going so much better than he ever thought they would. He feels like he’s on top of the world.

“Do you want to get dinner?” Alex asks Aaron, noticing the brief flicker of surprises that passes over his face. “What? Is that a weird question?” He didn’t think it would be weird. Friends get dinner together, right?

“No, it isn’t weird, I just-” Aaron cuts off, looking away and shrugging. Alex doesn’t think he’s going to say anything else when he suddenly takes a deep breath. “I just thought that you’d be disappointed after having a class with me.”

“Disappointed?” Alex repeats, still not understanding even when Aaron gives a jerky nod. But then something clicks, and Alex remembers Bellamy talking about how much Aaron struggled to connect with people over the whole prodigy thing, and Alex figures that most people must expect a lot from Aaron in class. Alex realizes that _he_ was one of those people. So he shrugs casually, not wanting to upset Aaron. “Why would I be disappointed?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron says slowly, looking back at him.

“Well, I don’t know either. So, dinner? Want to get some with me?”

“Yes,” Aaron responds, a little faster this time. His eyes roam over Alex’s face, which makes Alex flush a little, but then Aaron gives him a small smile. “Dinner sounds good.”

“Awesome!” Alex bounces a little, which makes Aaron rolls his eyes. “Anyway, how is life? How’s the unexpected roommate situation working out?”

“It’s fine.”

“You hate it,” Alex says with a snort, seeing how Aaron winces at the statement. “Oh man, you _really_ hate it, don’t you?”

“It’s just…” Aaron pauses, seeming to struggle to find the right words. “Difficult.” He scowls when Alex cackles beside him. “Maria is great, really. She’s one of my best friends. She’s just, well, a lot to handle, sometimes.” He shrugs. “You’ll see what I mean, you’ll probably see her at the meeting.”

Alex laughs again as they walk into the meeting, waving at John and Lafayette, who are already there and seated beside Angelica and Peggy. Aaron moves away from him to go sit next to Bellamy and Jefferson, who smirks at Aaron as he approaches. Alex hesitates a moment before taking the seat on Aaron’s other side, trying not to take it personally when Aaron turns to talk to Jefferson instead of him.

“Welcome back, everyone,” Herc says from the front of the room, giving everyone a wide smile. “And welcome new members. I wish we had time during this meeting to get to know everyone and have our usual set up, but I’ve got some commitments to get to, so we’re gonna cut things a little short this week. But don’t worry, next week will be regular, and there will be cupcakes.” Herc pauses when Bellamy lets out a whoop of excitement, and gives him a fond look before continuing. “I’ve got one major thing to talk about, but first I’m going to let Maria come up here to make a suggestion.”

Alex watches as a tall woman steps to the front of the room, smiling as she waves at everyone with both hands and blows a kiss in Aaron’s direction. He hasn’t even heard her talk yet, but Alex thinks he understands what Aaron meant.

“Now,” Maria starts, bouncing on her heels, “I know transgender awareness month is like, two months away, but I had an idea, and it will take some time to execute it. I thought it would be fun for anyone who identifies as trans, and only if you want to, to get their portrait drawn, by me,” Maria points to herself with a smile, “and we can hang up the portraits around campus and add our own little bios to them. Give me your thoughts.”

“I’d do it,” someone pipes up from the back, and Maria claps her hands together when another person nods in the front of the room.

“Great!” Her smile grows wider and she takes out a piece of paper. “I’ll leave this on the desk, and anyone who wants to volunteer can sign their name and leave me their email or cell number. We’ll schedule times to meet so I can draw you.” Maria does a little skip back to her seat in front of Lafayette, who leans forward and asks if she’d consider doing a similar thing for asexual awareness, but Alex misses Maria’s answer as Herc clears their throat.

“Sounds good,” Herc says, standing back up. “Now,” Herc looks back down at the list in their hands, frowning a little. “Onto something a little more serious. As most of you know, last year a lot of complaints started coming our way cause we weren’t opening our weekly meetings to straight, cisgender allies. Most of us,” Herc looks around the room, “came to the conclusion that we would continue on that path for the protection of those of us who aren’t out yet or feel uncomfortable. However,” Herc sighs, “complaints are still coming, saying we’re discriminating against people.”

“Oh my God,” Alex mutters with a roll of his eyes. He looks over at Aaron to see him looking annoyed as well. Next to him, Laf mutters something to John that makes them both laugh.

“Those people could be questioning their sexuality,” Peggy chirps, shrugging her shoulders. “They could be looking for a space to explore that.”

“That’s a good point,” Herc answers, sighing again and rubbing at their chin. “And of course we want this to be a space that is open to anyone who needs it, but-”

“But some people here aren’t out,” Angelica interjects, repeating Herc’s statement from earlier. “So we can’t just open this space up to everyone all the time. I like how it’s set up. We advertise at the beginning of the year, have a booth at the club fair for people to get on our contact list, and we send out emails for when meetings are. If just anyone comes, it won’t be a safe space for us.”

There are murmurs of agreement at Angelica’s words, and Alex finds himself nodding. Beside him, Aaron shifts in his seat, and raises a tentative hand.

“What about people who miss those fairs, or don’t hear about us? And they need a place to come to?”

“They’ll find us,” Lafayette says confidently. “You know the saying, birds of a feather-”

“- stay gay together,” John finishes, and him and Lafayette snicker and high five.

“Most of the officers are out,” Herc says, tapping a finger against their cheek and ignoring Lafayette and John. They look at Aaron. “We have our contact information up on the school’s website for the club, so people are able to find us that way.” They take a deep breath. “I do think it’s the best idea to keep this a safe space, but we’re gonna get a lot of shit for it.”

“We should do a protest,” Alex says, and a few heads turn towards him. He can feel excitement bubbling under his skin already. “Not like, a crazy one, but just a protest to show why this space needs to remain the way it is. Allies are always welcome to come to events or show support other ways. We clearly aren’t be discriminatory, and we need to make people understand that.”

“A protest is a bad idea,” a kid in front of Alex says with a frown. “It’ll make us look bad.”

“No it won’t,” Alex shoots back, crossing his arms. “It’ll show that we care about our members and their safety.”

“No,” the kid continues, glaring at Alex. “It will cause chaos. It’ll bring more attention to the issue, which is not the solution. We shouldn’t make it a big deal.”

“Sam brings up a good point,” Herc says slowly, looking around the room. “We do need to decide how to handle the situation.”

“Just let it drop,” the kid, Sam, continues. “If we start pushing, people will just get more angry.”

“Straight, cis people are always looking for something to be angry about,” Alex says, smirking when a few other people snicker around him. “They’re gonna get angry no matter what we do. If we have a protest, we can explain why we need this space, and get the administration on our side.”

“Or we push the administration away by being too outspoken,” Sam counters back.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Alex says, feeling his anger starting to unfurl. He feels a pair of eyes on him, and turns slightly to see Aaron looking at him, a frown on his face. What’s wrong with him? “No one is going to help us except for us. So we need to do something. Just because you’re a coward doesn’t mean-”

“Alexander.” Aaron’s voice is soft, barely even a whisper, but Alex hears it, and he pauses mid-sentence, glancing over at Aaron. “Just drop it, let him be.”

“No,” Alex says loudly, standing up from his seat, causing Aaron to clench his jaw and look away from him. “I won’t drop it. This is important.” He makes his way to the front of the room, and Herc raises an eyebrow but gestures for Alex to stand beside them. “This isn’t going to go away, we all know that. So we should do something about it. Make a case, take a stand. We’ll get more support that way. If we stay silent, people won’t understand the issue.”

“I agree with Alex,” John shouts from his seat, winking at him and making Alex grin. “And he’s right, it doesn’t have to be this big, angry protest. We’ll just educate people about the issue.”

“I’m in,” Laf agrees, giving two thumbs up. “I think it will be fun.”

There are a few more murmurs of agreement around the room, and then Herc starts to nod. “Okay,” they say. “We won’t make a decision now, but this will definitely be a topic of discussion at our next meeting. Thanks, Alex.”

Alex grins even wider and goes back to his seat, his stomach twisting a little at the angry look Aaron gives him as he does. But he just gives Aaron a smug look and turns away, knowing that he was right to say what he did. He doesn’t regret any of it.

“That Sam guy is a piece of work,” Alex mumbles as he walks out of the meeting with John at his side.

“Aw, he’s a good guy,” John says, but he laughs when Alex gives him a disbelieving look. “Okay, he’s kind of annoying. But cut him some slack, he didn’t even stand a chance going toe-to-toe with you.” He nudges shoulders with Alex. “You kicked ass. I was very impressed.”

“Thanks.” Alex ducks his head, hoping John doesn’t notice that faint blush he can feel warming his face. Then John is throwing an arm around his shoulders, causing Alex’s heart to flutter.

“Want to get dinner?”

“Oh.” Alex turns slightly in John’s grasp, the question making him remember something. He looks around, eyes finding Aaron easily, the man watching him and John from a distance with a frown before he’s turning away. “Yeah, I do. I invited Burr earlier, let me go…” He trails off, stepping away from John and trotting over to Aaron.

“Hamilton.” Aaron’s voice is tight, and Alex feels something inside him deflate.

“Hey, uh…” Alex rubs at the back of his neck and smiles, looking down at the ground when Aaron doesn’t return the gesture. “Did, uh, did you still want to get dinner?”

“I’m busy,” Aaron says shortly, dismissing the invitation immediately. “Homework.”

“Oh, right.” Alex shifts on his feet, wavering between wanting to call out Aaron on his lie and just letting it go. He’d accepted the invitation earlier, and they hadn’t been assigned any homework from their class together. “Well…”

“Why did you do it?” Aaron asks suddenly, looking angry again.

“Do what?”

“Call out Sam like that.” Aaron looks at him with narrowed eyes. “He was just giving his opinion, you didn’t have to attack him.”

Alex bristles, caught off guard by all of the sudden questions. “I didn’t attack him, I just disagreed with him. I’m allowed to do that.”

“Yeah, and he’s allowed to disagree with you,” Aaron takes a step forward, but Alex holds his ground despite the nerves and uncertainty building inside of him. “And he didn’t feel the need to personally attack you, like you did to him.”

“I-”

“He was just letting everyone know what he was comfortable with, what made him feel safe, and you,” Aaron jabs out a finger, “told him he was an idiot for that. And it was a really shitty thing to do.”

“I-” Alex splutters, searching his mind for words he can use to defend himself, but Aaron just pulls his hand back and turns on his heel, walking away before Alex even has the chance. Instead he just stands there, feeling like he just got hit with a truck and watching in disbelief as Aaron disappears into the crowd of people walking around campus.

“I take it he’s not coming?” John’s voice asks from behind him, and Alex grits his teeth as he turns around, giving a small shake of his head. “Well, can’t say I’m surprised. He looked like something crawled up his ass and died during the meeting.”

Alex laughs at that, giving John a weak but grateful smile. “I guess we all have bad days.”

“Burr more than others,” John tells him with a shrug, slinging an arm back over Alex’s shoulders as they start to walk. “He can be real moody sometimes. When we first met I swore he hated me, took me like three months to finally have a conversation lasting more than five minutes with him.”

“I still don’t get how he’s friends with you guys,” Alex says. “He doesn’t really seem to fit in.”

“Well, like I said, him and Bellamy are practically attached at the hip. Bellamy met Herc, and then dragged Aaron to a dinner with us. Him and Jefferson clicked pretty fast, and Laf took a liking to him. Then him and Maria got really close, and the rest is history. We’re all best pals.”

“Hm,” is all Alex says for a moment. Then he turns to looks closer at John. ‘Is something going on with him and Jefferson?”

“What do you mean?” John asks, peering sideways at Alex.

“I don’t know, they’re just…always looking at each other.” He bites at his lip when all John does is shrug. He’s sure there’s something going on there. And why the fuck does it bother him? Why does he care so much about what Aaron does? Hell, why does he care so much about what Aaron thinks of what _he_ does? It’s stupid.

“You okay over there?” John asks with a laugh, squeezing Alex’s shoulder, his hand brushing briefly over Alex’s skin. “You’re very deep in thought, and it doesn’t look pleasant.”

“I’m fine,” Alex mutters. “Aaron is just a fucking mystery to me.”

“As he is to us all,” John says seriously, and then he laughs again. “Seriously man, don’t even go down that road. Aaron is moody, okay? And he’s quiet, so not a good combo. He can go days not talking to you, can make you think y’all aren’t friends anymore, and then suddenly he’s asking to hang out. It’s what he does. You’ll get used to it. Now,” John lets go of Alex and pulls open dining hall doors. “Let’s move onto a better subject, like me.”

Alex chuckles, feeling a little bad to have been talking about Aaron for so long. “I think I like the sound of that topic.”

“Oh, Alexander Hamilton, I knew you’d be a smooth talker.”

Alex smiles at John, trying to not feel too disappointed that Aaron isn’t there with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the LGBTQA club at my college faced a similar thing last semester and it was just very complicated and frustrating so I'm sorry if it felt complicated and frustrating to read. 
> 
> ANYWAY I warned y'all that Alex and Aaron being friendly with each other wouldn't last long. Now, how long will it take them to fix it? Or will Alex just mess up even more? Stay tuned to find out. The next update will have more Jefferson/Aaron ft. complicated feelings, and more Maria!!!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies. :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, surprise, another early update! It's Burr's birthday so I figured why not, plus I have a bunch of work piling up that I should be focusing on instead of this!
> 
> There's some brief smut towards the beginning, just so you know.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! x

The semester is starting to go by quickly, and it’s already the end of September before Aaron knows it.

Classes are going fine, all things considered. He’s keeping his grades up, and the work hasn’t been overwhelming. Everything homework-wise has been going pretty steady. Aaron’s main source of stress is his one class with Alexander.

It’s been awkward ever since their argument about the protest. Alexander doesn’t say hi to him anymore when he sits down, and Aaron just stares determinedly at the board for the rest of class, ignoring the way that Alexander’s eyes flick to him occasionally, and ignoring the way his stomach twists when Alexander gets up and leaves as soon as Washington dismisses them. He tries to not let it bother him.

If Alexander isn’t going to talk to him, then he isn’t going to try either.

Aaron doesn’t regret what he said, and still feels like he was right. Sure the club might have sided with Alexander at the next meeting, setting a time and date for the protest, but Aaron still thinks it isn’t a great idea. There are so many different ways that it could go wrong, and it makes Aaron nervous. And beyond that, Alexander had just been so mean to Sam for no reason. He'd attacked him in front of his friends, in a space that was supposed to be helpful to them. It wasn't right.

To add onto all of that, Maria has been living with him for a whole month now, and things are going downhill. It’s not that she’s a bad roommate, she’s actually a great one, considering everything, but it’s just not working, and they’re both starting to feel the stress from the situation.

Their sleep schedules are different, Maria staying up late sketching while Aaron attempts to block out the noise and the light with his pillow, usually to no avail. And Aaron wakes up early, doing his best not to stumble or trip over Maria as she sleeps. The room is cramped, to say the least, not meant to hold two people and all of their things.

Aaron knows she doesn’t mean to, but Maria has also taken over most of the space of the room, her paintings and drawings scattered across the floor. There have been times when she’s gotten angry, saying that there isn’t enough room for her, or accusing Aaron of stepping on one of her works, which makes Aaron snap back at her, saying she wouldn’t even have a place to stay if it weren’t for him. And of course that never goes over well.

Stress is starting to build, and Aaron needs a release.

And maybe that’s why he finds himself bent over Thomas’s bed, three fingers stretching him open while he grips the sheets tightly, sweating, and trying to keep from gasping out loud. He won’t give Thomas the satisfaction.

“Long day?” Thomas asks from behind him, and Aaron groans, because Thomas _would_ try to start a conversation at this exact moment.

“You are not about to ask me how my day was while your fingers are in my ass.”

“Well, to be fair, I did try to ask when you first got here, but you just barged in and basically sat on my hand.”

“Are you complaining?” Aaron asks with a smile, and Thomas chuckles.

“Not at all.”

“Then keep go-” Aaron cuts off with a sharp intake of breath as Thomas curls his fingers inside of him, causing Aaron to jerk his hips back, searching for that feeling again. He hears Thomas huff out an amused laugh, and then those fingers are moving again, and Aaron can feel his arms shaking.

“Are you good?” Thomas breathes out a few moments later, and Aaron nods his head, not trusting himself to speak. Thomas removes his fingers slowly, and Aaron listens as Thomas gets a condom before slicking himself up. Then there is a pressure at Aaron’s entrance, and Thomas squeezes his shoulder as he starts to push in.

“Fuck,” Aaron pants, trying to push back to speed things up, but Thomas’s other hand comes up to grip his hip, keeping him still. “You go so damn slow sometimes.”

“Well you are so damn impatient _all_ the time,” Thomas shoots back, and Aaron smiles at how tight his voice sounds. “Jesus,” Thomas groans out the word, and then Aaron feels Thomas’s hips pressed against him, and he wiggles his own hips, savoring the feeling of being full.

“Move,” Aaron murmurs, wondering if he should tack on a ‘please’ to appease Thomas, but apparently the man is just as impatient as Aaron, because he starts to roll his hips slowly, grinding into Aaron.

“God.” Thomas’s voice is wobbly, and Aaron wants to laugh, but then Thomas pulls out and pushes back in quickly, making him choke on his inhale, silencing him. “It’s been too long since we’ve done this.”

Aaron just hums in response, needing more. He pushes back against Thomas, humming again in satisfaction when Thomas doesn’t stop him this time. He moves his hand off of Aaron’s shoulder and gets both hands on Aaron’s hips, his palms smooth against his skin as he pulls Aaron back further.

They find a rhythm, not going particularly fast, but Thomas is deep inside of him, and Aaron squeezes his eyes shut as a soft moan escapes him. He hears Thomas breathe out sharply, his grip tightening on Aaron’s hips just a little, but Aaron makes an encouraging sound. He wants Thomas to do the work, to make Aaron forget about everything else.

“Can you-” Aaron has to pause at how breathless his voice sounds, feeling overwhelmed. He licks his lips and tries again. “Thomas, just…more.” His arms almost buckle when Thomas’s fingers dig into his skin, pulling Aaron back, the sound of skin against skin growing a little louder in the room.

The bed is rocking with their movements, and Thomas is breathing heavily behind him. All of the noise just makes Aaron start to float, losing himself in how good everything feels. His cock is heavy between his legs, and he reaches down to stroke himself a few times, whimpering when sparks fly up and down his spine, making his toes curl.

“You sound so good, Aaron,” Thomas tells him, thrusting a little faster when Aaron moans in response. “I love when you get loud.” He thrusts into Aaron hard a few times, and the noise Aaron lets out makes Thomas groan. He starts to speed up a little, making Aaron see stars behind his eyelids. He lets go of himself so he can reach behind him to grab Thomas’s hip in an attempt to pull him closer. Thomas growls at the movement, and then he’s moving his hands, hauling Aaron up until his back is pressed against Thomas’s chest.

Thomas loops an arm under one of Aaron’s, pressing it across Aaron’s chest to keep him steady while his other arms wraps around Aaron’s waist. Then Thomas is moving again, rolling his hips. The angle is deeper now, and Aaron can’t do anything but grab at Thomas’s arms that are around him, letting all of the sensations flow over him.

“Feel good?” Thomas pants in his ear, letting out a short laugh when all Aaron can do in response is groan. “Forgot how good this was,” Thomas continues. “You’re just so-” Thomas cuts himself off with a low sound, pulling Aaron closer and pressing his lips to Aaron's neck.

Aaron moves one of his hands back to his cock, stroking it rapidly to keep in time with Thomas’s thrusts. His knees are sore from kneeling, but Thomas is hitting his prostate with each movement, and Aaron can feel heat building in his stomach. He can hear himself gasping, letting out soft cries and moans, but he doesn’t care. Everything is warm, everything feels so good, everything-

“Fuck!” Aaron practically shouts, his hips jerking into his fist and then back onto Thomas. “Thomas, Thomas. I’m gonna-” Aaron jerks himself fast, crying out louder than he wants to when Thomas moves deeper into him, making the lights go bright in front of Aaron’s eyes, his whole body shuddering as he comes onto his hand and the sheets.

Aaron keeps pumping his fist, riding out his orgasm. He’s floating, his skin warm and tingling and he can feel his muscles relaxing. He becomes aware of lips pressing against his neck again, of Thomas murmuring gentle words into his skin, of Thomas’s hips pressing against him two more times before stilling, a moan vibrating against Aaron’s shoulder as Thomas comes into the condom.

Then Aaron is being maneuvered, warm hands moving him away from the wet spot on the bed before letting him go so he can slump against the mattress. Aaron tries to hum out a thanks, but he feels a sudden tiredness seeping into him, his eyes drooping shut, and the sheets feel soft against his back.

He can vaguely hear Thomas shuffling around the room, the sound of water, and then there is a washcloth against Aaron’s stomach, moving gently over his now soft dick. Aaron cracks an eye open at that, taking in Thomas’s still flushed face. He almost asks Thomas what he’s doing, the moment feeling strangely intimate, but then Thomas is moving away to dispose of the washcloth. When he re-enters the room, his signature smirk is on his face.

“Shut up,” Aaron grunts out, bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes and doing his best to ignore Thomas.

“Knew I could turn you into a screamer,” Thomas says as he approaches the bed, his smirk growing wider when Aaron rolls his eyes. He tosses a bottle of water onto the bed, and Aaron sits up to take a drink from it, suddenly aware of the fact that both of them are still naked.

“I should go,” Aaron says, swinging his legs off the bed and grabbing his boxers off the floor. He slips them on, wincing a little, and when he goes to grab his pants, he looks up to see Thomas staring at him with a weird expression. “What?”

“Stay.” Thomas says the world slowly, like he’s testing out how it tastes on his tongue. “You can stay, if you want.”

“Stay…” Aaron repeats, his pants just hanging in his hand. They never do this. They don’t stay after they fuck, they don’t talk. Aaron just throws his clothes back on and leaves immediately. Aaron opens his mouth to refuse, but Thomas holds up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t make it weird,” he says, like he knew exactly what was going through Aaron’s head. “It’s late, you’re tired, and I’m too lazy to get in my car and drive you back to your dorm.” Thomas pauses and he smirks again, his eyes roaming up and down Aaron’s body. “And I don’t think you’re up to walking back based off of that limp I gave you.”

“Fuck off,” Aaron grumbles, but then he shifts on his feet, his eyes flicking over Thomas’s face, taking in the hesitant expression. He rarely sees that expression on Thomas’s face. “Fine,” Aaron huffs out, looking away when Thomas looks relieved. “I’ll stay. But you better put your pants back on. And we are not cuddling.”

“Deal,” Thomas says with a grin, digging in his dresser for a pair of sweatpants. He pauses a moment before tossing another pair over at Aaron. “They’ll be big on you, but you can wear them.”

Aaron slips them on, rolling his eyes at how they hang off of him. “You are ridiculously tall.”

“And ridiculously handsome,” Thomas says back, laughing when Aaron doesn’t comment. Then he walks over to the bed, gathering the comforter into is arms, and Aaron feels his face grow warm when he remembers that he came onto it just moments ago. “I’m gonna put these with the laundry,” Thomas says over his shoulder. “I’ll leave you alone for a bit so you can freak out about this.”

Aaron scowls at the floor as Thomas walks out, annoyed that Thomas can read him so easily. He glances over at the bed, knowing he should feel weird about the fact that him and Thomas are both about to sleep on it together. But that’s the thing; Aaron _doesn’t_ feel weird about it.

And _that’s_ what’s making him feel uncomfortable.

When he started this whole thing with Thomas, they both wanted a no strings attached arrangement. They get each other off, see each other in classes, and that’s it. But then they actually started becoming friends, and of course that’s making this whole thing more complicated. Aaron feels comfortable with Thomas, enjoys being around him. But that freaks him out. What if-

“Do you need more time?” Thomas’s voice interjects into his thoughts, and Aaron jumps and spins, noticing Thomas leaning in the doorway of the bedroom with a new blanket draped over his arms. “Listen, I can drive you back if you really-”

“No,” Aaron says quickly. “No…that’s…I’ll stay. Thank you.” He wants to wince at how formal he sounds, but Thomas just shrugs and walks over to the bed.

He hops onto it, patting the space beside him. “Come on, then. I promise I’m a great cuddler.”

“Thought we weren’t cuddling,” Aaron mumbles, but he crawls onto the bed anyway and flops down on his stomach, exhaustion starting to settle in his limbs and behind his eyes.

“No promises,” Thomas teases, lying down on his back and turning his head so he can look at Aaron. “You know me, can’t keep my hands to myself. Plus it seemed like you really enjoyed that earlier, when you were-”

Aaron pulls the pillow out from under his head, swinging it at Thomas and cutting him off quickly. Thomas shrieks at the impact, glaring at Aaron as he moves the pillow off of his face. But Aaron just snorts and takes the pillow back, wedging it between them. “You better not snore.”

“Again, no promises.”

Aaron chuckles, letting his eyes droop shut as sleep starts to creep over him. He hears Thomas shifting on the bed, and then feels a blanket being pulled over him, but before Aaron can really register that, he’s slipping into sleep, his mind going blissfully blank.

His dreams are fractured, moving from one to the next with rapid succession, causing Aaron to not remember the details, everything hazy behind his eyelids. But then a dream becomes more focused, and Aaron recognizes his hallway at home, even though there are details that are slightly different. But he knows it’s his home

He watches from his own eyes as one of the doors in the hall creaks open, sees Sally slipping out of her room. He wants to call out, wants to say something, but in the dream he is frozen, a bystander.

Sally pulls a letter from her pocket, slips it under Aaron’s door. He tries to move his feet when Sally walks closer to where he is watching, but he can’t. Sally walks past, and Aaron only gets a brief glance of her face before the dream is shifting.

He sees Sally sleeping on the streets, sees her freezing cold in some alley, sees her running from something, her eyes darker than they are in real life, fear clear in them. Aaron wants to grab onto her and hold her, to never let her go, but his dream is keeping him frozen, giving him no control of what happens. He can only watch as Sally shouts something that is muffled, unintelligible, and then she’s making eye contact with Aaron, and that’s when he feels himself jerk awake.

Aaron tenses as soon as he regains consciousness, his heart pounding in his chest. His first realization is that he’s not in his bed, not in his room. His next realization is that he is pressed up against someone, his face buried into the crook of their neck. Aaron lets out a few steadying breaths, trying to calm down, and that’s when he feels a familiar hand running up and down his back.

Thomas.

Aaron relaxes a little when he remembers where he is, and who he is with. His dream is already starting to slip away, Sally’s face fading, and sleep is creeping back over him, pulling him under. Aaron doesn’t even have time to freak about the fact that the pillow between him and Thomas has somehow disappeared, or the fact that he’s wrapped around Thomas, or the fact that Thomas is still running a hand soothingly over his skin, humming softly under his breath. Aaron is asleep before he can think about any of it.

-

When he wakes up in the morning, Aaron is surprised at how well rested he feels.

His mind feels clear, his body warm and relaxed, and he’s even forgotten his nightmare, the details fuzzy. He stretches on the bed, smothering a yawn with the back of his hand as he does. His hand lands on the other side of the bed, the sheets cold. Aaron sits up with another yawn and looks around, noticing that Thomas is nowhere in sight. Then, the sound of clanging reaches his ears, and Aaron snorts as he hops out of bed.

He pulls his own clothes back on, cursing under his breath when his arm briefly gets caught in his shirt. Finally, Aaron follows the sound of more clanging and muffled swearing until he finds Thomas in the kitchen, plucking a piece of burnt toast out of the toaster and throwing it on a plate. He looks up when Aaron enters, frustration written across his face.

“We’re going out for breakfast,” Thomas tells him, tossing the toast into the trashcan with a sigh. “And then I’m buying a new toaster.”

“Pretty sure it’s not the toasters fault,” Aaron says, ducking when Thomas throws a crumpled up napkin in his direction. “You don’t need to take me to breakfast,” Aaron continues once he’s straightened up. “I was just going to head back and-”

“Shut up, we’re going to breakfast.” Thomas walks around the counter, still only dressed in sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He grabs the keys off of the table and turns to Aaron with an expectant look. “Unless you’d rather have dorm food?”

“No,” Aaron answers with a short laugh. “Going out is good. But I can’t-”

“It’s on me,” Thomas cuts in before Aaron can finish, waving one of his hands in the air. “I did kind of force you to stay overnight anyway. So I’ll pay. Come on, let’s go.”

“You’re going out like that?”

“Like what? What’s wrong with the way I look?”

“It’s very casual.” Aaron bites his lip at the glare Thomas sends his way, trying not to smile. Thomas is always so dressed up, seeing him in casual clothing is weird. “I’ve never seen you so…laid back.”

“Well you’ve never seen me on the weekend in the comfort of my own home,” Thomas says, ushering Aaron out the door. “It’s Saturday, the day of rest. I can wear sweatpants if I want to.”

“Pretty sure Sunday is the day of rest,” Aaron corrects, walking fast to keep up with Thomas’s long strides.

“Then I’m pre-resting to prepare.” Thomas opens the passenger side door of his car, and raises his eyebrows at Aaron. “Now shut up and get in the car, and don’t touch the radio.”

Going out to breakfast apparently means going to the café that Maria works at. Thomas basically pushes Aaron towards a table and then goes up to the counter. Aaron recognizes James Madison as the one working the register, and feels discomfort settle in his stomach, remembering his last encounter with James.

James’s eyes flick to Aaron’s, and he says something to Thomas that makes Thomas scrunch his face up before turning away, a faint look of embarrassment on his face. But then James is handing him a coffee and a paper bag of food, saying something else before turning away, and then Thomas heads over to the table.

“I hope you like scones,” he says as he sits across from Aaron. He pushes the coffee towards him as well. “And here’s your caffeine in a cup.” His tone is disapproving, but Aaron takes a long sip of the coffee anyway. He knows Thomas hates coffee, but that won’t stop Aaron from drinking it.

“Thanks,” he murmurs, bouncing his leg against the chair. It’s weird, spending this much time with Thomas. He feels like he’s just waiting for things to get awkward. “So, w-”

“What’s going on with you?” Thomas asks the question firmly, like he’s certain that something is going on. He looks at Aaron with a stern glance, and rolls his eyes when Aaron tries to feign confusion even though his heart is pounding. “Don’t be an idiot, cause I’m not an idiot. Something is up with you. So what is it?”

“Nothing.” Aaron picks at the scone in front of him and looks down at the table. He’s not ready for this conversation. “I’m f-”

“If you say fine, I will die right here, in this chair.” Thomas kicks at Aaron’s leg under the table, making him look back up so he can see Thomas looking back at him with concern. “Aaron, just tell me. You’ve been…distracted, ever since the start of the semester.”

Aaron lets out a weak chuckle, knowing that Thomas is being lenient in his word choice. Aaron has been more than distracted, they both know it. Aaron tries to ignore the way his heart is pounding in his chest, and takes a deep breath. He should just tell Thomas the truth, tell him about Sally. Maybe he could help, or at least give Aaron advice on what to do. He should tell him, he should-

“It’s Maria,” Aaron blurts out, his courage failing him. He swallows slowly when Thomas looks at him in surprise. “She’s, uh, she’s been living with me since the start of the semester. Her boyfriend kicked her out and I let her move into my dorm with me.”

“Okay,” Thomas starts slowly, a hand rubbing over his chin. “But why-”

“It’s not working out,” Aaron interrupts, not wanting Thomas to ask too many questions. “The space isn’t big enough, and we’re kind of driving each other crazy. But she can’t afford her own place, and I’m not going to kick her out.”

“So she needs place to stay?” Thomas rubs at his chin again. He peers closely at Aaron, like he doesn’t quite believe this is all to the story, but then he sighs and puts both hands back down on the table. “My apartment is big enough.”

Aaron can’t stop the snort that escapes him, and he waves a hand in the air when Thomas gives him an offended look. “No, that’s-it’s nice of you to offer, but I don’t think that would work.” He sighs when Thomas continues to look offended. “You would want to pay all the rent still, Maria would hate that. And no offense but you’re pretty stuck in your ways, it’d be too controlling for her.”

“I am not controlling.”

“You have specific cups for water. You yelled at me for five minutes once when I didn’t take my shoes off right away. You wake up at the crack of dawn every day. You get mad if a piece of furniture is slightly out of place. Do I need to continue?”

Thomas huffs out an annoyed breath and his face takes on a look of defeat, but that expression quickly turns into one of contemplation. “Okay, well what about Herc and Lafayette’s place? Would that work for Maria?”

“Maybe.” Aaron wonders why he hadn’t thought of that. That could actually be a really good fit. “She doesn’t know them super well, but they get along.”

“And the rent would be split three ways,” Thomas adds, starting to look a little smug. “It’s perfect.”

Aaron only hums in response at first, but Thomas looks even more smug, probably knowing that Aaron knows it is the perfect solution. “Okay, okay. It’s a good idea. I’ll have to talk to Maria about it first, and then I’ll talk to Herc and Laf.”

“You know Herc will say yes, they love Maria. And Lafayette and Maria are pretty similar, they’ll get along.”

“Herc might not want both of them in one place,” Aaron says with a smile, imagining the various disasters that could occur and all the ways Hercules could be driven mad. “But I’ll ask.”

“Good.” Thomas stares at him a little harder, his head tilting to the side as he observes him. “You sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”

“Yep.” Aaron gives Thomas a tight smile, taking another sip of his coffee. He wasn’t ready for this conversation to come up. He isn’t prepared to talk about it, hasn’t had the time to build the courage to talk about Sally. The setting isn’t right either; he can’t do this in public. He can feel panic settling inside him. “I should really get going now.”

“Sure.” Thomas still looks like he wants to ask Aaron more questions, but he doesn’t stop him from standing up, which Aaron is grateful for. “You want me to drive you?”

“No, I’ll walk.”

“Well,” Thomas leans back in his chair. “Then I’ll stay here, and I’ll see you in class.” His eyes flick to the counter, where James is wiping at the surface.

“You got some complaining about life to do?”

“Something like that,” Thomas says, smiling. He gestures with a hand for Aaron to leave. “Go, talk to Maria. Text me with any other life problems, and I’ll only charge you half my usual rate for some of my great advice.”

“Bye, Thomas,” Aaron mutters with a roll of his eyes. But he only makes it a few steps before Thomas calls his name, causing him to turn back and see Thomas looking at him with a weirdly hopeful expression.

"Could, uh, could we do this again sometime? Get breakfast?"

"Oh." Aaron shifts on his feet, a strange swooping sensation flowing through his stomach. "Yeah, that would...sure. I would...that would be good."

"Okay," Thomas says, giving a short nod. Then he just stares, so Aaron clears his throat and turns away again, heading over to the door and pushing it open so he can step outside.

He walks back to his dorm a little slower than usual, trying to practice the conversation he’s going to have with Maria in his head. He doesn’t want her to think that he’s kicking her out, because he’s not. If she wants to stay with him, he’s more than happy to let her. For the sake of their friendship, however, he thinks they both know that they can’t continue to live together.

Aaron takes a deep breath once he reaches his door, unlocking it and stepping inside to see Maria sitting cross-legged on the floor, a pencil between her teeth as she outlines a sketch with another pencil in her hand. She looks up when he walks in, letting the pencil drop from her mouth.

“Hey,” she says, smiling. “Have fun last night?” She wiggles her eyebrows, laughing at Aaron when he turns away in embarrassment. He knows that she’s caught on to what him and Thomas have been doing. “I’m only teasing. Come, sit down, tell me about your day.”

“I got coffee with Thomas,” Aaron starts slowly, laughing at Maria’s surprised expression. “Well, I drank coffee, he just watched me drink it. He, uh, he gave me some advice.”

“Like, sex advice?” Maria asks, her brows furrowing, and Aaron chokes a little.

“No!” He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, moving to go and sit on his bed. “No, not that kind of advice. I, well,” Aaron pauses, taking another deep breath before looking at Maria. “I talked to him about you and me living together.”

Maria tenses for a moment, but then she gives Aaron a small smile. “Oh.” Her voice is soft, but she stands up and sits next to him on the bed. “I see.”

“It’s not that I’m angry with you,” Aaron says quickly, suddenly in a rush to explain. “Maria, you know that I care about you, and I’m happy to have you here, but-”

“But we’re driving each other crazy? Yeah.” Maria laughs when Aaron winces, nudging him with one of her shoulders. “Aaron, I get it. You’re not the only one who hasn’t been one hundred percent happy with the situation.” She sighs, and then shrugs. “So, what’s the plan?”

“You know Herc and Laf’s apartment?”

“They’d let me live with them?” Maria asks, her eyes going wide. “There would be so much space!” Her excited tone is causing Aaron to feel a little less guilty, and he smiles at her as she claps her hands together. “That would be so great!”

“We’ll still have to talk to them,” Aaron tells her. “But I’m almost positive they’ll say yes. So, if you’re really okay with it, then-”

“It’s perfect,” Maria says, interrupting him and placing a hand over one of his. “Really, Aaron. That will be perfect. Well, almost perfect.” She winks at him when he looks at her in confusion. “Would be better if you were still my roomie, but Herc and Laf will have to do.”

Aaron can't stop the smile that spreads across his face, and he nudges Maria back with his shoulder. “Thanks.”

They sit in silence for a little bit, Maria’s hand still on his. Aaron can feel himself growing tired again, even though it’s barely even the afternoon. He’s just been so stressed lately. He knows most of it is because of Sally, but he’s felt worse than usual. He doesn't know what it is. 

“You okay?” Maria asks him quietly, giving his hand a small squeeze.

“Mhm.” Aaron turns to smile at her, wondering how many times he’ll have to tell that lie. “Just stressed out.”

“Any particular reason?” Maria asks, and then she makes a thoughtful sound when Aaron shrugs at the question. “I think I know the reason.”

“You do?” Aaron asks, knowing that it’s impossible for Maria to know.

“It’s because of Alexander.” She says this so confidently that Aaron doesn’t respond right away, his mind trying to figure out how she came to that conclusion. His face must show some of his surprise, because Maria chuckles. “Ever since you two had that fight at the meeting, you’ve been stressed. Well, _more_ stressed. You’re always kind of stressed.”

“You think it’s because of Alexander?” Aaron really doesn’t think that’s true. It can’t be. That doesn’t even make sense. At all. But he’ll humor Maria. “Why would that be true?”

“No one is happy when they’re fighting with a friend.”

“Me and Alexander are not friends.” Aaron glares at Maria when she laughs. “We aren’t! I barely even know him! That’s just…ridiculous.”

“Then why has Alexander been all mopey, too?” Maria asks, throwing him a superior look. “Angelica told me how he’s been whining about you ignoring him in class. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you complaining to me about the same thing.”

Aaron grumbles under his breath, but doesn’t argue. It’s true. He’d complained to Maria a few times about Alexander not talking to him anymore. Sure, he’s the one who yelled at Alexander after the meeting, but he deserved it. But maybe he’d been a _little_ too harsh. It had just annoyed him, seeing how Alexander barely even let Sam speak or give his opinion. And then Alexander had just marched out of the meeting practically glued to Laurens's side, laughing and looking like he was on top of the world. It had just made Aaron so angry.

“You’re both so stubborn,” Maria says with a small laugh. “Just say hi to him in class, he’ll start talking your ear off immediately.”

“Maybe,” Aaron says eventually, even though he knows she’s right. Or at least he hopes she is. He sighs and squeezes Maria's hand. “Yeah. I’ll try.” He doesn’t want to admit that he’s worried Alexander will keep ignoring him anyway. He gives Maria a small smile. “What am I going to do without you?”

“Oh, please,” Maria tosses a strand of her hair over her shoulder. “Just because I’m moving out doesn’t mean you won’t be seeing my cute face every day. I’m coming to visit you, and will definitely be sleeping over once a week. I need my Aaron Burr time. I’ll go crazy without it.”

“Good,” Aaron says back, laughing when Maria leans over to kiss him on the cheek.

And even though they both have work to do, even though they should start packing up Maria’s things, the two of them remain sitting side by side on the bed, their fingers intertwined, and Aaron starts to relax, starts to feel a little more like himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter, so I hope you guys enjoyed reading it!!!! 
> 
> Will Aaron and Alexander finally talk things out? WHO KNOWS.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation, so please please leave some here or at my tumblr @ fanciful-follies! Thanks again! :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long, life has been punching me in the face lately, but here's another chapter!
> 
> Enjoy x

The semester continues to pass quickly, and before Alex knows it, midterms are just around the corner.

The stress on campus is almost a tangible feeling, the air seeming heavy with it. The library is always over-crowded, students cramming around tables and looking exhausted with circles under their eyes. Everyone seems to be one assignment away from snapping completely. If this is how midterms are, Alex doesn’t even want to think about what finals week will be like.

He locks himself in his room for the most part, putting in his headphones and copying his notes down again and again until he feels like the information is permanently written in his mind, until he sees the words against his eyelids when he sleeps. He knows his stress is starting to get to Bellamy, who spends more and more time out of the room. Alex knows he should feel guilty, but, well, it’s nice to have the room to himself to work in. Plus he’s got a scholarship to maintain; he can’t let his grades drop. He can't lose focus.

The only thing that Alex willingly welcomes as a distraction is the safe spaces protest.

At one of the more recent LGBTQA meeting, a majority of the members decided that a protest would be a good idea, which caused Alex to practically explode with excitement. He finds protests thrilling. Everyone coming together in one spot to stand up for something they care about, it’s exhilarating. There's nothing to else like it. And compared to most protests, this one is going to be pretty low-key. They’ll have some posters and signs, and a couple of booths and pamphlets to hand out to people who want to know more about the issue. It's going to be very straightforward.

So yeah, Alex is excited, and he’s definitely still happy that he spoke up during the meeting. But there has been a downside to all of this; Aaron hasn’t talked to him since.

Alex knows they haven’t talked that much anyway, but it’s still weird. Aaron barely even _looks_ at him anymore. The guy just lets his eyes pass over Alex whenever they pass each other on campus. Even in their class together he doesn’t say anything. When Washington asks them to discuss something with the person beside them, Aaron turns the other way. And every time, Alex feels disappointment and some other emotion settle deep in his chest. He hates it.

There was one day last week where Aaron had kind of twitched in Alex’s general direction, a weird noise coming from his throat, but when Alex had turned to look at him fully, an eyebrow raised in surprise, Aaron had shut his mouth quickly and brushed past him, still not saying a word. Alex had thought that Aaron was trying to say something, but clearly he'd been wrong

So Alex is confused, to say the least. He has no idea how to fix whatever happened between him and Aaron, and his friends seem to be getting exasperated with how much he’s complaining about it. He’s stopped bringing up Aaron completely around John, who had gotten visibly annoyed after the sixth or seventh time. It’s not that Alex _misses_ Aaron, cause he doesn’t. No way. He’s just frustrated. That’s all.

But the day of the protest arrives, and Alex pushes all thoughts of Aaron away, and focuses on the task at hand.

Alex walks to the protest with John, which is taking place in outside the dining hall, thankful for the fact that _he’s_ still talking him at least. John has become his closest friend over the past few weeks, and Alex isn’t sure what he’d do if John started ignoring him, too. They practically spend every moment together. Herc and Laf tease them constantly about it, and Alex tries to not let their joking around make him blush too much.

He’s not really even sure what the teasing means. It’s probably just Herc and Laf being jerks, trying to get a rise out of Alex. Cause there’s no way it means that John actually…actually what? Likes him? No, there’s just no way. No one has ever had a crush on Alex. He wouldn’t even know what to do if that happened.

But then again, John does willingly hang out with Alex a lot. And sure, he seems to always be finding reasons to touch Alex, whether it’s a spontaneous hug or an arm thrown over his shoulders, but that doesn’t mean _anything_. John is probably like that with everyone. That has to be it.

“John, Alex!” A voice calls their names, and Alex turns to see Peggy trotting over to them with a grin. “You’re here!”

“Of course we are,” John says with a loud laugh, drawing Alex’s attention back to his face. It’s a nice face. “This whole thing was Alex’s idea.” He throws an impressed glance at Alex, which causes his stomach to flutter. “Good turnout so far?”

“Pretty good,” Peggy answers as they weave through the crowd. “A lot of people have showed support. I mean, we’ve had the occasional asshole, but that’s to be expected.”

“Did any of the administration show up?” Alex asks, looking around and attempting to convince himself that he’s not searching for Aaron. He’s hoping he’ll still turn up. Maybe even apologize and admit that Alex was right all along. “Cause that was kind of the whole goal.”

“I’ve seen a couple professors.”

“Nice.” Alex smiles at Peggy and John, feeling excitement bubble under his skin. He knew that this would be a good idea. “I knew this would work,” he voices out loud. “And a lot of people from the club came?”

“Almost everyone,” Peggy responds as they reach one of the booths Hercules is at with Bellamy. “Some people didn’t feel comfortable with it, so not exactly everyone.”

“So not Aaron?” Alex asks before he can stop himself, unable to keep the disappointment out of his tone. He feels a pair of eyes on him and turns slightly to see Bellamy staring at him with narrowed eyes, to which Alex just raises his eyebrows. “What?”

“Don’t judge him for not coming,” Bellamy tells him stiffly and with a little bit of judgment, a tone Alex doesn't usually hear from him. “He’s allowed to have a different opinion.” He says the words with such firmness and conviction that Alex feels himself flush a little bit, and Hercules stares at Bellamy with a small smile before nodding.

“He’s right,” Hercules says to Alex in their soft voice. “We can’t get mad at people for not coming. This is a tricky issue.”

“I guess,” Alex says, still feeling unconvinced. He hears John snort behind him, and turns to see him rolling his eyes.

“C’mon,” he says to Alex, grabbing his hand. “Let’s go hold some signs and yell at people. I can tell that’s what you’re itching to do.” Then he’s tugging Alex away as Herc shouts at them to not actually yell at anyone, causing both of them to snicker.

Despite Hercules' warning, they do a little bit of yelling anyway, which does attract some attention. Alex can’t deny that listening to John rant about their issue and educate people on the topic is immensely attractive. John is a passionate speaker. And Alex doesn’t miss the way that John smiles at him when he does the same thing. It’s all very overwhelming.

At some point, Alex feels John’s hand slip into his own again, and he turns his head to look at John, who is staring down at him with a wide smile. He gestures with his head for them to move away from the crowd a little, and Alex lets himself be led over to the side and away from most of the crowd.

“What?” Alex asks, a little breathless from his last rant, and for some reason his question makes John laugh and shake his head.

“You’re something else, Alexander Hamilton.” John squeezes his hand and steps a little closer to him, causing Alexander’s heart to pound in his chest. “You’re amazing. I’ve…I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

“O-oh,” Alex stutters back in response, not knowing what to say to that. John is still staring at him, and Alex feels like his head is spinning. “I…uh, thank you?” Fuck. Why do words always fail him at the most important moments?

“You’re welcome,” John says with a small laugh, taking another small step forward. His eyes roam over Alex’s face, his expression hesitant, but then he brings his free hand up to cup Alex’s cheek gently. “Is it…is it okay if I…” his eyes flick to Alex’s lips, and Alex swears his heart almost stops.

“Yes,” Alex breathes out, really hoping that his voice didn’t come out as high pitched as it just sounded in his head. “Yeah, I…you can, uh…” He trails off, too nervous to actually say what he wants to, but then John is huffing out a short laugh and leaning down to close the small distance still left between them.

The kiss isn’t what Alex expected, but then again, he doesn’t even know _what_ he expected. He’s only kissed one other person before, and he’s not sure that counted as a first kiss, since it had been a dare for the other person.

John’s lips are warm, slightly chapped, but Alex leans into the kiss anyway, unsure of what to do with his free hand. He clenches it nervously at his side, and then eventually brings it up to rest on John’s hip, more as a way to steady himself, since his head is still spinning.

John breaks away for a moment, but then he’s tilting his head and pressing his lips to Alex’s again, the kiss a little deeper, and Alex can’t stop the small sigh that escapes him. He’s nervous, beyond nervous, so worried about not doing this right, but John’s lips are moving against his in such a confident way that Alex is more than happy to let him take the lead. He’s about to move away again when Alex moves onto his tiptoes, chasing John’s lips and smiling at the surprised noise John makes.

John moves his hand to the back of Alex’s neck, his fingers trailing over the skin, and Alex shudders, slipping his hand to John’s back and trying to pull him closer. There’s something wet sliding against Alex’s lower lip, and when his brain finally registers that it’s John’s tongue, his knees almost give out. He parts his lips, his whole body vibrating, wanting to reciprocate, wanting-

“Well, this is an interesting way to protest.”

Alex jumps away from John and immediately feels embarrassment flood through him, because he knows that voice. Even though it’s been weeks since he’s heard it directed towards him, he knows that voice.

“Aaron,” Alex croaks out, cursing silently at how hoarse his voice sounds. He tucks a piece of hair behind his ear with shaky fingers and clears his throat a couple of times. “Uh.” He fidgets, feeling uncomfortable under Aaron’s stare, which slowly moves over to John.

“Hey, Burr,” John says, sounding completely casual and wiggling his fingers at Aaron. “So, you decided to show up, huh?”

“I did,” Aaron confirms, his jaw looking strangely tight. He doesn’t look at Alex again. “I figured I would see how everything was going. And I have to say I wasn’t expecting this.” His eyes slide to Alex again, and even though he’s smiling, Alex thinks he can detect a tightness to his smile, and an angry look in his eyes.

“Yeah, well.” John just shrugs and winks at Alex, who tries to smile back despite the embarrassment still clawing at him. “You know me, I like to be dramatic, I like to shock people.”

“Are you,” Alex starts and then stops, clearing his throat again before continuing. “Are you sticking around?” His question gets no response except for Aaron raising his eyebrows, looking between him and John. “Not-not to watch us! But, you know,” Alex waves his hand in the air and feels his face get warm. “I meant are you going to help out?”

“I can’t,” Aaron says shortly, and Alex feels disappointment replace his embarrassment. But then Aaron takes a deep breath, like whatever he’s about to say is going to be painful. “Thomas and I are going to do some studying later, with Hercules and Bellamy, too. In the library around eight.” He stops and nods at both of them. “You’re both welcome to join, if you want.”

“Yeah,” Alex says quickly. “Yes. We’ll come.” He realizes he just spoke for John, but he can’t find it in him to care, not when Aaron is actually talking to him again. Even if it is extremely awkward.

Aaron stares at him for another brief moment before nodding again and then turning around to disappear back into the crowd.

Alex watches his retreating form for as long as possible, his mind whirling. That was definitely an awkward conversation, but hey, at least Aaron talked to him, right? Sure, it definitely could have been under better circumstances, but whatever. And he came to the protest. That has to mean something.

“Alex?” John’s voice is quiet, but it makes Alex jump all the same, turning to look up at John, who is looking back at him with a slightly nervous expression. “You okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

“What just happened, uh…” John gestures between the two of them. “Was that…okay?”

“Oh.” Alex feels his face flush, his throat going a little dry. Right. The kiss. Him and John kissed. How does he feel about that? “I…yeah, it was…it was okay.”

“Just okay? Or…”

“I don’t…” Alex pauses and licks his lips, feeling a little frustrated with himself. He doesn't know how to react. Everything is happening too fast. “It wasn’t bad. I mean, of course it wasn't, it’s you, so I mean…” He pauses when John gives him a happy smile. “I’m just…overwhelmed, I guess.”

“Okay,” John says slowly, and then he nods. “Okay. I get that. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“Me? I’m not freaked out!” Alex argues, despite how totally freaked out he feels. He just doesn’t want John to know that. “I am completely un-freaked out, trust me.”

John laughs at that, shaking his head and giving Alex a fond look. “You’re an awful liar.” He reaches out to squeeze Alex’s shoulder. “Listen, I actually have to go. I probably can’t make it to studying tonight but…but maybe we can meet up tomorrow? After you’ve freaked out properly?”

“Sure,” Alex says, smiling up at him. “That…that sounds good.”

John squeezes his shoulder one more time before letting go and walking away, looking over his shoulder to wave at Alex as he disappears into the crowd.

Alex bites his lip once John is gone and looks down at his feet, so many different emotions swirling through him. Holy shit. He kissed _John_. And he liked it. And it seemed like John liked it, too. _Shit_. Does that mean they’re dating? Are they boyfriends? Alex isn’t sure if he’s ready for that.

Yeah, John is amazing. Nice, funny, smart, incredibly attractive. He’s practically perfect, and Alex would be a complete idiot to pass that opportunity up. But also…also what? What’s getting in the way?

Alex sighs in frustration and starts to walk through the crowd as well, needing to get back to his dorm to grab his things before going to the library. He knows that he’ll need to figure all of this out later, but for now, he’s just going to focus on the fact that Aaron wants to talk to him again.

When Alex walks into the library later that night, it takes him a moment to find his group of friends. But then he turns a corner and sees Herc and Bellamy side by side at a table, with Angelica, Peggy, and Lafayette on the other side. Alex waves and steps forward to join them before stopping, his body going tense when he spots Aaron sprawled out on a couch near the wall with his legs in Jefferson’s lap, looking extremely comfortable.

Alex gives himself a small shake, not sure why that shocked him so much, and goes to sit beside Hercules. When he sets his things down, Aaron turns to look at him, giving him a smile before looking back at his books and shooting Jefferson an exasperated look when the man tries to tickle his calf.

Alex looks away and starts to get his things out.

“So the protest was a success, I hear,” Angelica says, twirling her pen between her fingers. “Wish I hadn’t had that meeting with my advisor. But I’m glad it went well.”

“It definitely went better than I thought,” Hercules chimes in, their palm facing up as Bellamy tries to draw on it with a sharpie. “It was fun, too. A lot of people were supportive.”

Alex glances over at Aaron, hoping he’s overhearing the conversation. He wants Aaron to know that he made a good choice in pushing the protest, in convincing people to do it. But Aaron is laughing at something Jefferson just said, and Alex scowls before moving his attention back to his books.

He manages to keep his eyes on his notes for about thirty seconds before looking back over at Aaron, who is smiling at Jefferson as he gestures with his hands, clearly in the middle of some story. Alex doesn’t know why he can’t look away, but then Aaron chuckles before his own eyes move to Alex, causing him to jerk slightly in his chair. He looks quickly back at his notes and tries to focus again.

“Alexander,” Aaron’s voice suddenly comes from beside him, and Alex turns to see him bringing a chair up to the table, Jefferson following suit. “Do you want to work on Washington’s assignment with us? Thomas has the class, too, just at a different time.”

“I guess,” Alex mumbles, not really wanting to have to talk to Jefferson. Or be anywhere near him. The man seems to realize Alex’s reluctance, because he smirks and scoots his chair even closer, taking out a notebook and their textbook. “I haven’t looked over it much yet.”

“That’s fine,” Aaron says, clicking his pen and setting his phone on the table. “Thomas and I looked it over a little last night. It doesn’t seem too bad.”

Alex just hums, tearing his eyes away from Jefferson’s arm, which is draped around the back of Aaron’s chair. He ignores the comment about them working on it last night. He doesn’t want to think about Aaron and Jefferson at night, ever. It irritates him, for some reason. “It’s two short essays and a long essay, right?”

“Two long essays,” Jefferson informs him with a roll of his eyes. “Do you ever pay attention? Or only when it’s convenient?”

“Shut up,” Alex mutters, ignoring Angelica’s amused laugh. “I just got it mixed up.” Alex doesn’t know why, but a bad mood is suddenly creeping over him. He wants to leave, but knows he’d have to give a good excuse, which he doesn’t have at the moment. His eyes move back to Jefferson, noticing the way his fingers are playing with the fabric of Aaron’s shirt near his neck.

“It’s fine,” Aaron says, leaning into Jefferson’s touch, almost like he can't help it. “I’ve noticed you’ve been distracted lately.”

“What do you mean?”

Aaron shrugs. “You haven’t been paying attention. Washington gave this big lecture on what he wanted for this homework, lasted like ten minutes. You were staring at the floor the whole time.”

“Well I’m surprised you noticed,” Alex snaps, “since you haven’t even bothered to look in my direction for weeks.”

“Well, damn.” Jefferson chuckles and raises his eyebrows at Alex. “Someone is a whore for attention.”

“Fuck off, Jefferson.” Alex shifts in his seat and glares at Aaron, who is still looking at him with an annoying expression of calm. “Aaron knows it’s true. He’s just mad that the protest happened. He’s mad he was wrong.”

“I wasn’t wrong,” Aaron retorts stiffly. “I never said it shouldn’t happen. I said that what Sam said was true, and that you were an asshole for yelling at him like you did.”

“You were wrong,” Alex grumbles, glancing around at the rest of the group to see everyone staring. He can’t let Aaron win this argument.

“I really wasn’t.”

“But you were! It was the right thing to stand up for our space.” Alex runs a hand through his hair, feeling his pulse start to pick up like it always does when he’s arguing with someone. “You’re so used to getting your way, and you’re pissed people sided with me.”

“Too bad that isn’t true at all,” Aaron says, leaning back in his chair, Jefferson’s arm coming to rest across his shoulders. “You’re only mad because you know that _I’m_ right. You know that what you said was rude. You feel guilty.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Except I don’t.”

“Except you d-”

“Oh my _god!”_ Alex practically shouts, his last thread of patience snapping. “I'm starting to understand why you suck at making friends, Burr; you're so goddamn annoying that nobody can stand to stick around you long enough!"

The words are barely out of Alex's mouth before Aaron is shooting up out of his chair, his hip hitting the edge of the table. But Aaron barely seems to notice, his eyes wide as he stares down at Alex. He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. Then he’s looking around at everyone with a panicked look, grabbing his phone from the table before rushing out of the library.

Silence falls after that, and Alex can already feel the regret and guilt building inside of him. _Shit._ He looks around at the rest of his friends, seeing how some of them are pointedly not meeting his gaze, and how the rest of them are looking at him in shock. When Alex meet’s Jefferson’s gaze, the man’s face is lined with anger.

“You’re an asshole, Hamilton.” He stands up slowly, gathering his things, and all Alex can do is watch as Jefferson slings his backpack over his shoulder, stooping down to grab Aaron's as well. Then he's walking away, leaving the library as he goes to follow Aaron. And now Alex can’t even argue with him, because it’s true.

He is an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k e s
> 
> Alex has made a big mistake
> 
> I'll be doing my best to keep the updates coming weekly or every other week. This week is gonna be busy for me though, cause I have some papers, midterms, and some interviews. (plus my birthday is Monday woooo!)
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation, so leave them here or come visit me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies! :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! Sorry for the longer than usual wait, but ta daaaaa here is a new angsty chapter for y'all!
> 
> Enjoy x

_“I'm starting to understand why you suck at making friends, Burr; you're so goddamn annoying that nobody can stand to stick around you long enough!"_

Alexander’s words crash around in Aaron’s head as he races back to his room. He can still feel everyone’s eyes on him, still hear everyone’s silence, and it’s crushing him. Is that really how everyone feels? Is that what everyone thinks of him? Has he really tricked himself for years into thinking that he has friends?

His hands shake as he unlocks the door to his room, and he slips in quickly, leaning heavily against the door once he’s inside. More silence greets him, and Aaron can only laugh, the sound bouncing harshly off the walls. He passes his hands over his eyes, not noticing that he’s sliding down the door until he’s sitting on the floor.

_"You're so goddamn annoying that nobody can stand to stick around you long enough!"_

Aaron lets his head lean back, hitting the door with a dull thump. He repeats the motion, letting Alexander’s words repeat over and over again as he tries to drown them out with the noise of his skull against the door. But it doesn’t work, he can still hear them, and his hands start to shake again where they are resting on his thighs.

Is this why Sally left? Because she couldn’t stand him? Is it all his fault?

He reaches into his pocket for his phone, unlocking it and going into his calls. He clicks on the most recent unknown number that had tried to call him a few days earlier. But silence had just greeted him on the other end, as it always does. Aaron hits the number again anyway, raising the phone to his ear and trying to even out his breathing. He needs to hear Sally’s voice, he needs to talk to her. He needs to know why she left.

No one answers.

A strangled cry leaves Aaron’s throat, the noise not even sounding like it comes from him. He throws his phone across the room, listening to it clatter against the floor. He hates this, he hates all of it. He hates himself, he-

“Aaron?” A familiar voice calls out, followed by a quick succession of knocks against his door. “It’s Thomas. Aaron, are you in there?”

Aaron puts his face in his hands and tries again to take in a few calming breaths. He knows he’ll have to open the door, or Thomas will just keep knocking. So he pushes himself off of the floor and reaches out to pull the door open. He barely has it open a crack before Thomas is pushing his way in. He takes one look at Aaron and then pulls him into a bone-crushing hug.

Aaron’s arms are squished against Thomas’s chest, and he pushes at him in a half-hearted attempt to get him to pull away, feeling a little claustrophobic. “Thomas, I’m-”

“Hamilton is a jackass,” Thomas says in a rush, pushing Aaron away so he can look down at him, hands moving to grip Aaron’s shoulders. “He sucks and has no fashion sense and I hate him.” He gives Aaron a firm shake. “Don’t listen to anything he says. I’m serious. Nothing that comes out of his mouth is true.”

“Yeah.” Aaron gives Thomas a small smile and steps away, still feeling shaky and cold. “He’s honest though, you have to give him that.” He moves over to his bed to sit, staring down at his hands to check if they’re shaking like the rest of him. “At least I know how he feels, right? That's...that's good.”

“Aaron…” Thomas walks over to him before sitting down beside him on the bed, the mattress moving with his weight. “Maybe I’m biased, but I’m pretty sure Hamilton’s opinion on you is not the one you should be concerned about. He...doesn't care about you, not like-not like the rest of us.” Thomas peers over at him, his eyes shining with a strange light, like maybe he wants to say more, but is unsure of what exactly to say. He looks at Aaron a moment longer before jumping up. “Comfy pajamas.”

“What?” Aaron blinks up at him.

“That’s what you need.” Thomas walks over to Aaron’s closet and starts to rummage around inside. “Comfy pajamas make everything better. And tea.” Thomas tosses sweat pants over at Aaron and then rubs his hands together. “Do you have tea in this tiny, sad place?”

Aaron grunts out an affirmative, caught between wanting Thomas to leave and wanting him to stay. But the man is already bustling over where Aaron keeps his electric kettle, picking up several different tea bags to inspect. So Aaron sighs and starts to unzip his pants, changing them out for his sweatpants.

He moves back over to the bed, sitting cross-legged on his mattress and letting his head drop back into his hands again.

He knows that he should be grateful for Thomas coming over, that it means he cares about Aaron, but everything is so jumbled in his head. He feels like he’s just a burden to Thomas, that Thomas probably doesn’t even want to be here comforting him. According to Alexander, no one wants to be around him, right?

He still doesn’t even understand _why_ Alexander said what he did. What had pushed him so much to snap at him like that? It was the first time they had even spoken to each other in a long time, and Aaron was genuinely trying to reach out to fix things based off of the advice Maria had given him. Sure, he took a longer time than planned to put that advice into action, but he’d been so nervous. Nervous that Alexander would reject whatever he did and not be interested in being friends anymore.

And apparently he’d been right.

Aaron really thought that he was doing the right thing. Hell, he even went to that stupid protest to find Alexander in an attempt to extend some sort of truce between them. Then he’d found him kissing Laurens and had almost turned right around and left. But he had paused, had asked himself why that even mattered? Alexander can kiss whoever the hell he wants to, Aaron doesn’t care.

And Alexander had seemed excited that Aaron was talking to him again, had practically pounced on the invitation to study at the library later. So Aaron has no idea what happened between then and Alexander yelling at him. Maybe he just really doesn’t like Aaron.Maybe no one does. Maybe Alexander's right. 

Aaron exhales slowly through his nose and lays back on the bed, his arms flopping down at his sides as he stares up at the ceiling.

“Aaron?” Thomas’s voice is close again, and Aaron moves his eyes to see the man sitting slowly on the bed near him. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, don’t.” He reaches out to put a hand on top of Aaron’s knee, squeezing gently, and Aaron closes his eyes, trying to calm himself down. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Does everyone actually hate me?” Aaron whispers, opening eyes again when he hears Thomas shifting on the bed to see him leaning over Aaron, one hand on either side of his body, bracketing him in. It’s nice. It’s grounding.

“No,” Thomas murmurs, looking angry again. “None of us hate you, Aaron. None of us dislike you, not even on your bad days. We’re your friends. We...we care about you, Aaron.”

“So you like me?”

Thomas’s face changes at the question, turning soft. He smiles down at Aaron and opens his mouth to respond, but then his expression changes again. Aaron almost thinks he looks sad. His eyes flick over Aaron’s face, searching for something. He bends a little closer. “Yes, I like you,” he murmurs, breath ghosting over Aaron’s lips.

Aaron looks up at him, blinking slowly, and they both just stare at each other for a few moments. Something has shifted in the room, and Aaron isn’t sure what, but then Thomas glances down at Aaron’s mouth. _Oh._ Aaron watches as Thomas leans in closer, looking back up at Aaron before his eyes flutter shut, and Aaron mirrors the movement moments later.

The first press of their lips together is soft, brief, barely even a kiss. But the second is more firm, Thomas’s lips warm against his own. Aaron sighs into the kiss, his lips parting, and Thomas moves a hand to cup Aaron’s face, and Aaron can feel his fingers shaking slightly against his cheek. Aaron brings his hands up to tangle his fingers in Thomas’s shirt, his mind starting to register what’s happening. They’re kissing. Him and Thomas. They’ve seen each other naked, have fucked each other countless times, but they’ve never done this, kissed.

Neither of them ever explicitly said that there would be no kissing in their arrangement, it just didn’t happen. Aaron had never felt particularly inclined to kiss Thomas, and he had assumed that Thomas must have felt the same since he never made any attempt to kiss Aaron. But now that they are kissing, Aaron is starting to wonder why they never have. It's nice.

Thomas deepens the kiss as Aaron’s mind whirls, the sensation of a beard scratching against his skin in a strangely pleasant way. Thomas’s tongue trails over his lower lip, and Aaron pulls him closer, feeling Thomas’s thighs press against his own. His hands are still on Thomas’s chest, and he can feel him breathing in and out quickly as the kiss becomes more frantic.

But then Thomas makes a noise low in his throat, and pulls back a little, kissing Aaron with closed lips and his hand moves to his neck, fingers running over the skin in a soothing motion. He presses one more deep kiss to his lips before pulling back, and when Aaron opens his eyes, he sees that Thomas’s are still closed, his lips parted slightly. When he finally opens them, he looks a little dazed, and he stares down at Aaron, breathing in and out slowly.

“Sorry,” he murmurs eventually, his voice hoarse.

“It’s fine,” Aaron whispers back, his lips tingling. He licks his lower lip, and Thomas continues to stare down at him for a beat longer before pushing himself back, clearing his throat.

“Do you, uh,” Thomas clears his throat again, not looking at him. “Sorry. I-I was making you tea. I forgot.” He lets out a short laugh. “I’ll…go get it now. You still want it?”

“Sure.” Aaron says, his voice still coming out as a whispers. He watches from the bed as Thomas stands up, walking over to where the electric kettle is. While Thomas’s back is to him, Aaron takes a moment to run his hands over his face, pressing them over his eyes as he tries to think.

He’s not sure what just happened between them. You’d think after having sex that kissing wouldn’t be a big deal, but it feels like something has just changed between them, and Aaron doesn’t know what it is. He lets his hands slide back off his face, sitting up slowly on the bed and looking up to see Thomas still turned away from him, his shoulders looking tense.

But then the electric kettle is whistling, and Thomas moves, pouring the water into a mug and dropping a tea bag in. When he finally turns around, his usual smile is on his face, and he walks over to the bed, handing Aaron the mug.

“We all care about you, Aaron,” Thomas starts, repeating the phrase he'd said earlier. He stares down at his hands. “And Hamilton is the kind of person who lets his mouth run away with words he probably doesn’t mean. That, or he’s just an asshole. Either way, what he said wasn’t true. You have friends, whether you want them or not.”

Aaron allows himself to smile at that, nodding his head when Thomas turns to look at him. Feeling unable to speak in that moment, Aaron takes a sip of his tea, letting warm liquid run down his throat. He doesn’t interrupt the silence that falls, and neither does Thomas. They sit side by side as Aaron drinks his tea, more and more thoughts building inside his head until he sighs.

“I just…” Aaron pauses, running his thumbs over the warm mug in his hands. “I…” He swallows and tries to take a deep breath. He wants to tell Thomas about Sally, wants to explain why Alexander’s words hurt so much. But he can’t. “I don’t know,” he finishes lamely, blinking his eyes rapidly and keeping his gaze down.

“It’s okay,” Thomas says, his voice soft. He reaches out to take the mug from Aaron’s hands, placing it on the desk next to them. “You need a fuzzy blanket.”

“I-what?” Aaron looks up as Thomas stands, glancing around them room. He laughs when Thomas sighs, apparently upset at the lack of fuzzy blankets. “Sorry, I don’t have one.”

“Then this will have to do,” Thomas says as he bends down to pick up the afghan on the floor beside the bed. He tosses it at Aaron before walking back over. “Wrap yourself up in it, go on. It’s the perfect cure to any kind of sadness.”

“Is it?” Aaron wraps the blanket around his shoulders, humoring Thomas. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Well, you’re doing it wrong,” Thomas tells him, taking the blanket and re-arranging it until it’s resting on him like a hooded cape. Thomas pulls it back from his face a little so Aaron can actually see. “It would work better if it was fuzzy.” He smirks. “You look adorable.”

“Shut up,” Aaron mumbles, but he can’t stop the smile that tugs at his lips. Thomas is good at cheering him up. “You’re ridiculous.”

Thomas just shrugs, still smirking, but then his smile drops a little, and he shifts on his feet. “Do you want me to go? It’s late.”

Aaron pulls the blanket tighter around him, chewing at the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t want to be alone, not right now, but he doesn’t want to annoy Thomas. “If you want to.”

“Aaron…”

“Fine. I want you to stay. So...so just sit your ass down and stop smirking.”

Thomas laughs loudly at that, throwing his head back before sitting beside Aaron. “There’s the snark I’ve been looking for. You gonna refuse my cuddling this time?”

Aaron just grumbles at that, situating himself on the bed until he’s comfortable and glaring at Thomas as he lays down beside him. Thomas reaches out and pinches his arm before laughing again and pulling Aaron close, not even asking before pressing himself to Aaron and rubbing slowly at his back.

Aaron presses his face to Thomas’s chest, wondering if he’ll even be able to sleep. But in the next couple of minutes, his eyes are already getting heavy. He can feel himself drifting to sleep, Thomas’s hand still rubbing small circles onto his back. “You’re a good friend,” Aaron murmurs, and he thinks he feels Thomas stiffen for a moment before relaxing again.

“So are you,” he says back, his hand stopping its movements. “Go to sleep, Aaron.”

Aaron doesn’t have enough energy to argue back, so he nestles closer to Thomas and sighs once before allowing himself to relax and fall asleep.

-

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, the blanket is still wrapped around him, but he’s alone in the bed, and he takes a moment to stretch his limbs before sitting up and rubbing at his eyes.

“Good, you’re awake,” Thomas voice comes from the side of the room, and Aaron turns to see him sitting at his desk, dark circles clear under his eyes. “I was going to leave earlier but then I figured it would be weird to just up and go, so here I am.” He gives a small laugh that’s clearly forced before standing up. “So I’m just gonna head out.”

“Thomas, wait,” Aaron rubs harder at his eyes, trying to wake himself up. He moves to the edge of the bed so he can swing his legs over the mattress. “You can stay. Or we can go get breakfast and-”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Thomas says quickly, shifting on his feet when Aaron gives him a bewildered look. What is he talking about? “I just, I think I should go.”

Aaron watches from the bed as Thomas starts to walk over to the door, grabbing his backpack from the floor. His hand is on the doorknob, and Aaron finds himself standing up. “Wait.” He bites his lip as Thomas turns around, not meeting his eyes. “Are…did I do something wrong?”

“Did you do something wrong?” Thomas repeats, and he laughs weakly, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes for a moment. “No, no you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Thomas, I don’t-”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Oh,” Aaron says, shock running through him at the words. He hadn’t been expecting that. “I…why not?”

“Because I-” Thomas cuts off, looking frustrated, and he steps away from the door so he can turn fully to look at Aaron. They lock eyes, and Thomas takes a deep breath through his nose. “Because it was the wrong moment to do it.” He stops again and takes another breath. “I like you, Aaron. And not as friends. I _like_ you.”

Aaron feels like the floor has been ripped from underneath him, and he isn’t sure if he actually sways on his feet or if it’s just his imagination. He’s going over every moment he’s spent with Thomas, thinking if there had been signs of this. His mind latches onto their most recent times spent together, Thomas inviting him to spend the nights and getting breakfast the morning after, and he feels something click. He’s such an idiot.

“You…” Aaron swallows, his throat dry. “You like me.”

Thomas nods slowly, his eyes still locked on Aaron’s. “Yeah.”

Aaron blinks, taking in Thomas’s worried look, and the nerves that are written there. He knows he’s waiting for a response, but Aaron doesn’t know what to say, or even what to think. This news is hitting him like a train, and his mind is spinning. He just never attached any physical forms of comfort involving Thomas with something romantic. “I…I don’t...I-”

“Please don’t-” Thomas holds up a hand, a pained smile curling on his lips. “You don’t need to say anything. I already know.” His eyes slide over Aaron’s face, and then he reaches behind him, fumbling a moment until his hand lands on the doorknob.

“Thomas,” Aaron says softly, walking over to him, wanting to talk about this, but he freezes when Thomas shakes his head, pressing back against the door with a panicked look.

“Please, Aaron,” Thomas pleads, and Aaron feels his chest tighten when he hears Thomas’s voice break on his name. “Don’t tell me, okay? Just…I know, but don’t tell me. I…” He trails off, wiping at his eyes and choking out a short laugh. “I don’t need to hear it.”

Aaron stands there, shock and guilt hitting him over and over. He’s never seen Thomas cry, not once in the year and a half he’s known him. But now he’s standing in his own room, frozen to the spot as Thomas covers his face, taking in quick breaths. He doesn’t know what to do. But then Thomas is pulling the door open.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas says, his voice wobbly. “I shouldn’t have…I’ll see you later.” And then he’s rushing out before Aaron can stop him, the door closing behind him with a bang that makes Aaron jump.

And then there is silence, a deafening silence, and Aaron feels like his whole body is numb. He can’t take in what just happened. He needs time to stop, or to re-wind, he needs something to happen so he can understand what Thomas just said.

Nothing is making sense.

Aaron spins and shuffles over to the bed, panicking for a moment when he can’t find his phone. But then he remembers, and his hands are shaking a little as he picks up his phone from the floor and quickly dials a number he’s known by heart for years. He holds the phone up to his ear and tries to calm his breathing as it rings.

Bellamy will know what to do.

“Hello? Aaron, are you okay? I called you like a hundred times last night and left you voicemails and-”

“Can you come over?” Aaron asks before Bellamy can finish talking. “Just…I need you to come over.” He holds his breath as silence is Bellamy’s only response for a few moments.

“I’ll be there in five minutes.”

True to his word, Bellamy’s frantic knock is echoing through the room five minutes later, and Aaron darts over to the door to open it, pulling Bellamy in immediately and throwing his arms around him. Bellamy doesn’t even ask any questions before wrapping his own arms around Aaron, squeezing him tightly.

“I locked Alex out last night,” Bellamy says after a few moments, his breath tickling the side of Aaron’s temple. “Like, I barricaded the door. I mean, obviously that wasn’t the smartest idea cause I could have just locked the door, but I was so mad so I just grabbed all his stuff, like his desk and his bed and his books and piled it all in front of the door so he couldn’t get in.” Bellamy laughs a little, rubbing a hand up and down Aaron’s back. “Then he texted me asking why he couldn’t get in and I sent him a picture.”

“Bellamy,” Aaron breathes out, laughing despite the confusion still swirling inside of him. “Why would you do that?”

“He should be happy that’s all I did,” Bellamy says, sounding more serious. He pulls back and puts his hands on Aaron’s shoulders so he can look down at him. “With what he said to you, he should be happy that I didn’t throw all his shit out of the window. Although that might have been better, since _I_ ended up having to climb out the window. No way was I about to move all of his stuff away from the door. Although now I'm not sure how I'll get back in. Anyway." Bellamy laughs again and then grows quiet. "I still can't believe what he said.

“I don’t want to talk about what he said.” Aaron steps out of Bellamy’s grip and goes back over to the bed, sitting down with a sigh. He looks over at Bellamy to see him staring back in confusion. “Thomas came over last night.”

“Okay,” Bellamy says slowly. “I mean, I figured. He followed you almost immediately.”

Aaron swallows and nods before looking down at his hands. “Yeah. He, uh, well we were talking. He was trying to calm me down, and he did, but then-then we, well we…” Aaron swallows again. “We kissed.”

Bellamy observes him for a moment, not saying anything, but then he takes a deep breath and walks over to sit beside Aaron on the bed. He opens his mouth and pauses, like he's still taking in the information and figuring out what to say. “And…did you want to kiss him?”

“I…I didn’t _not_ want to. I just never thought about it, not even…before.”

“Before?”

“Before. When we were, when me and him were, uh, you know…” Aaron glances at Bellamy helplessly, hoping he’ll fill in the blanks without Aaron having to say it. He chuckles when Bellamy’s eyes grow wide. “Yeah.” Then Aaron yelps loudly when Bellamy slaps his arm. “What the hell?”

“You didn’t tell me you were sleeping with Thomas!” Bellamy practically shrieks. He hits Aaron again and then runs a hand through his hair. “Oh man, this explains so much. Wow, I am blind. I’m an idiot, a big idiot. Holy shit.”

“Is it that surprising?” Aaron asks, rubbing at his arm. “We weren’t necessarily discreet about it.”

“You know how oblivious I am with stuff like that,” Bellamy says, waving a hand in the air. “That’s why it’s taking me a million years to decide if Herc likes me or not.”

“They do, they totally d-”

“Nope! This isn’t about me.” Bellamy crosses his legs on the bed, turning to face Aaron completely. “Okay, so, you kissed. You and Thomas. So. What’s the problem?”

“He…got upset, afterwards. He seemed to regret it, and then in the morning he…” Aaron chews the inside of his cheek and shrugs. “He kind of freaked out. He…told me he liked me, and then he left before I had time to process any of it.” Aaron shrugs again and starts to pick at his bedsheets. “And I still haven’t processed it. I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you like him?” Bellamy asks simply, like it’s that easy. “Don’t over analyze it, Aaron. Just…do you like him that way? Do you want to date him?” He sighs when all Aaron does is shrug his shoulders for a third time. “I’m not saying you did anything wrong, cause you didn’t, but…”

“But what?”

“So you’re saying you never thought of him in that way? Until he kissed you and said he liked you?”

“I guess,” Aaron mumbles, starting to see where Bellamy is going. “So you think I offended him?”

“Not exactly,” Bellamy starts slowly, smiling a little. “Thomas is offended like twenty times a day, so that wouldn’t be shocking. But…it seems like he’s had this crush for a while, so he was probably just…a little hurt you hadn’t thought of it. And now he’s probably beating himself up over the idea of ruining the, uh, little agreement you two had going for awhile.”

Aaron nods, knowing that Bellamy is right. Bellamy is always right. Aaron had been so caught up in his own head that he never considered what Thomas might be thinking. But then again, Thomas had never said anything. Aaron isn’t sure what he would have done if Thomas had asked earlier, or had admitted to having feelings for him. Aaron just…never saw him that way. He's not sure if he does see him that way even now.

“He’s one of my closest friends,” Aaron whispers after a while. “I don’t want him to hate me.”

Bellamy reaches out to take Aaron’s hand. “He does not hate you. I promise. He’s probably just going to need a little space.”

Aaron nods, his throat feeling tight. He doesn’t want space from his friends, especially not right now. Maybe it’s selfish, but he wants his friends to distract him from everything else going on. But maybe that’s why everyone gets annoyed with him, maybe he’s too clingy, too much of a burden.

“Hey.” Bellamy reaches out and takes Aaron’s hand. “Let’s just relax the rest of the day, yeah?” He tugs Aaron over to the bed and reaches for Aaron’s laptop on his desk, opening it and typing in his password. “It’s a Gilmore Girls day.”

Aaron snorts, but he doesn’t resist when Bellamy pulls him down and arranges them so they are side by side with their backs against the headboard, Aaron’s laptop resting on Bellamy’s legs. The episode starts to play, and Aaron tries his best to relax.

When he looks over at Bellamy a few minutes later his head is tilted slightly to the side, his mouth hanging open as he breathes in and out slowly. Aaron chuckles, envying how easily Bellamy can fall asleep. He reaches over for his phone, meaning to take a picture, but pauses when he remembers that Bellamy had said he’d called Aaron a bunch of times the previous night and left voicemails.

Aaron goes to his missed calls, scrolling past all of the ones from Bellamy, and his heart stops for a moment when he sees that an unknown number tried to call him in the middle of the night. He hits the number quickly, bringing his phone up to his ear and praying that finally, finally, Sally will answer on the other end.

But she doesn’t.

It just rings and rings, and Aaron feels his stomach drop and his hand start to shake. Why doesn’t she answer? Why won’t she just fucking talk to him? Why did she leave in the first place? Is it really because of Aaron? Was he such a burden to her that she couldn’t even tell him where she was going? Did she want to leave him behind that much?

Aaron tosses his phone back onto the ground, curling around Bellamy and trying to regain his breath, which had suddenly become shaky and rapid. He clings to Bellamy’s shirt, almost shaking him awake before pausing.

What if telling Bellamy everything goes badly? What if it’s too much for Bellamy to handle? What if Aaron breaks down when he tells Bellamy about Sally, and Bellamy becomes too overwhelmed? It’s a lot to take in, Aaron knows that. He doesn’t want Bellamy to freak out. He already lost Thomas, he can’t lose Bellamy, too. He won’t be a burden to him. He won’t. So he loosens his grip on Bellamy’s shirt, and closes his eyes.

He’ll make sure Bellamy sticks around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k e s. poor aaron. poor thomas. POOR EVERYONE.
> 
> Sorry if the ending was a little rushed, but I was overwhelmed by a need to get this chapter done. I hope you guys liked it! Next update will probably be next weekend once all my midterms are done!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave them here or come talk to me on tumblr @fanciful-follies!
> 
> Thanks!!! :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long-ish wait, but I am now officially on Spring Break!!!! Hopefully chapters will start coming a little faster! 
> 
> Hope you like this one!

For the past week or so, Alex has had the same, constant mantra running through his mind;

_Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot._

It happens every time he’s with his friends, and he catches one of them, usually Angelica, Laf, or Maria, giving him a strange look. It happens every time he finds himself locked out of his own dorm room. It happens every time Alex goes to Washington’s class, and sees Aaron’s empty seat beside his.

He’d had no idea that what he said to Aaron in the library that night would explode into this huge thing he feels like he has no control over. He really hadn’t meant for the words to come out so harsh, or for them to affect Aaron as much as they are seeming to. But this isn’t the first time Alex’s mouth has gotten him into trouble, so he really shouldn’t be surprised.

There had been countless times throughout middle school and high school, hell, sometimes even elementary school, where Alex had gotten into arguments with not only his peers, but his teachers as well. He’d even badmouthed his art teacher in sixth grade when she told him he wasn’t following the instructions. But in Alex’s defense, it was a sixth grade art class, who the fuck follows the instructions? Isn’t art supposed to be about free expression?

Anyway, Alex should really be used to saying things he doesn’t necessarily mean, or things that he should at least say only in his mind, and not out loud. But apparently his mouth doesn’t enjoy listening to his brain.

Of course the route any normal person would take would be to apologize. But Alex is bad at apologies, they never come out the way he wants them to. He usually ends up making a bad joke in order to hide his awkwardness, or it just comes across insincere and makes things worse. Plus he really doesn’t even know Aaron, and it’s already been like five days since everything happened and now Alex has waited too long and it will just be weird to apologize, so honestly the only thing to do now is just wait for it all to pass over.

Plus Alex just feels really bad, and he _really_ doesn’t want to face how upset he’s made Aaron.

So Alex’s plan is just to pretend that nothing happened. He ignores Aaron’s empty seat in classes, definitely _not_ wondering if Aaron has gone so far as to drop the class, and he works hard during every conversation with his friends to not mention Aaron’s name. 

It’s all going well until he walks into the library to work with Angelica and Laf and stops short of the table when he sees the two of them standing with their arms crossed over their chests.

“Uh,” Alex starts, already starting to turn around, mind screaming _abort abort abort_ at him, but Lafayette steps forward with a glare that stops Alex immediately.

“It is time for us to talk,” Lafayette starts, pulling a chair out for Alex, “about Aaron. Sit.”

“Listen, I already-”

“I said sit,” Lafayette cuts in sharply. “Not speak.”

“We’re not going to bite your head off,” Angelica tells Alex with a roll of her eyes, sitting down as well. “We just want to talk to you.”

“Feels like I’m about to be attacked,” Alex grumbles, but he sits in the chair that Lafayette had pulled out, squirming under his and Angelica’s eyes. “I already feel bad enough, okay? It just slipped out and I didn’t mean it and-”

“It doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean it,” Lafayette cuts in again, leaning forward in his own chair. “What matters is that you said it. And not only did you say it, you made it seem like we _all_ said it.”

“What do you-”

“You made it seem like we all hate being around Aaron,” Angelica says, giving him a cold look. “You made it seem like none of us want to be friends with him. You,” Angelica jabs a finger at him, “didn’t think before you spoke.”

Alex can’t help but let out a weak laugh. “Well, I do have a habit of that.” He tries to smile, but Lafayette and Angelica clearly aren’t amused. Right. Alex switches gears “I know I messed up, and I’m sorry.” He bites at his lips, starting to get frustrated at how much this is blowing up in his face. “You have to admit he overreacted.”

“Did he?” Angelica asks with an arched brow. “How would you react if someone implied that all of your friends don’t actually like you?”

“I…” Alex pauses and huffs out an angry breath. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t believe it! Aaron barely even knows me why would he believe what I say?”

“Because _we_ know you,” Lafayette answers simply. “You have been spending a lot of time with us, yes? A lot of time with us without Aaron present. So now he is thinking we are talking about him with you. Alex,” Lafayette sighs, “we know you did not mean it, but you did it. And I think…I think you do not understand Aaron very well.”

“Don’t understand him?” Alex isn’t exactly sure what there is to understand. The guy seems pretty straightforward. Uptight. Can’t take a joke. Runs fast.

“You don’t,” Angelica says, agreeing with Lafayette. “Which is weird, because you two are freakily similar in some ways.” She holds up a hand as soon as Alex opens his mouth to argue. “Aaron cares a lot about what people think about him, and he already gets enough shit at home. You already know what he’s lost.” Angelica pauses and glances over at Lafayette before looking back at Alex. “He doesn’t need to worry about losing his friends, too.”

Her statement makes Alex wince. He hadn’t thought about it like that. “I’m sorry,” Alex says again, hoping there is more weight behind the words this time. Because he means it.

“I am glad you’re sorry,” Lafayette murmurs with a slight incline of his head. He glances at Angelica, and they seem to have a silent conversation before Lafayette nods again, looking back at Alex. “And now you need to tell Aaron that.”

“B-but,” Alex stammers, feeling his nerves spike up. “I-he’ll kill me!”

“Don’t overreact,” Angelica tells him with another roll of her eyes. “I mean, it’ll definitely be awkward, and I wouldn’t accept any amount of money to swap places with you,” she grins at him and shrugs. “But it won’t be that bad.”

“Great,” Alex mumbles, sinking lower into his seat. He glares at his friends as they stand up. “Hey! I thought we were studying?”

“Nope,” Lafayette says with a chuckle. “That was just a part of our evil plan to get you here. We finished all of our work already.” He gives Alex a small wave as him and Angelica walk out of the library, looking far too smug for Alex's liking.

 

Well shit.

He knows that they're right, that he has to talk to Aaron and fix everything, but God, he's nervous. He's not good with people when they hate him, or at least not people he admires. If Alex doesn't like someone, he couldn't care less what they think of him, but Aaron? Well, Alex kind of cares a lot about what he thinks. He doesn't understand exactly _why_ , but he knows it's true.

Alex stands up and hefts his backpack over his shoulder and starts the walk back to his dorm, going over various speeches he could give to Aaron in an attempt to apologize, but none of them end well in his head. He has no idea how to apologize for what he did. He doesn't even know Aaron well enough to know what kind of apology he'd want. Would he react well to a hug? Probably not. A gift? Alex wouldn't even know where to start with that. He's fucked.

He reaches his dorm and sends up a silent thank you when he's able to unlock his door and step inside without anything blocking his way. At least Bellamy seems to be calming down. He sets his bag down on his bed before sitting down, tugging at his hair as he tries to come up with some sort of plan. 

There’s a short, quick knock at the door, and Alex goes to answer it without really even thinking. He’s still lost in his own thoughts when he opens the door, staring at the other person blankly for a few moments before realizing that it’s Aaron. Alex only has a second to see Aaron’s eyes flash in surprise before he’s shutting his face down and starting to turn on his heel to leave.

“Wait!” Alex reaches out and grabs Aarons arm, pulling him inside the room and ignoring Aaron’s startled yell. He can't let this opportunity pass. “Wait, just…” Alex shuts the door and turns to look at Aaron, who is staring at him with a forced calm, but Alex notices the way his hands are clenched at his sides. “I want to talk to you.”

“I’m not interested,” Aaron says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I came to see Bellamy, but he’s not here, so I’d appreciate it if you’d let me leave.”

“No,” Alex shoots back, mirroring Aaron and crossing his own arms despite the way his heart is pounding with nerves. “I want to talk to you about what I said at the library.”

“Well I don’t want to hear it.”

“Well too bad!” Alex lifts a hand to run it through his hair, huffing out an angry breath when Aaron looks away from him with a disinterested expression. “Just…” Alex swallows before continuing, feeling like this is his last chance to get through to Aaron. “Just listen to me, okay? Just…give me like, five minutes to explain. That’s all I need. You can even set a timer if you want to! If I’m not done in five minutes then you can walk right out of here!”

Aaron stares at him after that, not saying anything. His jaw twitches once, and then he’s giving a terse nod. “Fine. Five minutes.”

“I didn’t mean what I said!” Alex blurts out immediately, and then he swallows and reminds himself to slow down. He can't mess this up. “Or, well, I didn’t think about it, about how it would come across or how it would affect you.” He pauses here, Aaron still looking at him with an unimpressed gaze. Why is this so difficult? “I mean, I know it was a shitty thing to say, and I said it with an intent to make you upset, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I…” Alex shifts on his feet and sighs, not knowing how to say what he wants to say. And Aaron’s glare really isn’t helping the situation. “I know what I said was mean, but I-” Alex cuts off suddenly, caught off guard by the sound of voices growing nearer.

Him and Aaron both turn to look at the door when the sound of a key sliding into the look reaches them, and Alex listens to Bellamy laughing along with a lower laugh responding moments later. Panic hitting him, Alex grabs Aaron by the arm and pulls him over to where his closet stands, dragging him inside and then sliding the door closed once he steps in as well.

“What the hell?” Aaron hisses in the dark, and Alex waves a hand in response, meaning to signal to Aaron to be quiet. Then he remembers that they are standing in the dark.

“Be quiet!” Alex whispers, blinking his eyes rapidly in an attempt to get them to adjust to the darkness faster. His heart is beating hard in his chest, and he strains his ears in order to listen to the sound of Bellamy and the other person stepping into the room.

“I can’t believe you dragged me into a closet,” Aaron murmurs, his voice much closer than Alex expected. “Why did you want to hide?”

“Bellamy and I aren’t exactly on the best of terms,” Alex whispers back, doing his best to not knock any pieces of clothing down. “So I panicked. I figured he’d kick me out or something.” He turns his head to where he thinks Aaron is standing. “He used my own stuff to barricade the door, you know.”

“I know,” Aaron says, sounding like he’s holding back a laugh.

“Shut up,” Alex mutters, and yeah, he definitely hears Aaron chuckle. But then the door slams shut and both of them grow quiet as Bellamy’s voice gets louder.

“-and then I climbed out the window. It was pretty great. I’ve discovered that I’m great at climbing out of things.”

“Wish I could have seen that,” the other voice says, and Alex realizes that it’s Herc. Aaron seems to realize too, because Alex hears some shuffling from the other side of the closet, and can just make out Aaron pressing his ear to the door to hear better.

“Oh gosh, no.” Bellamy laughs nervously. “That would have been embarrassing.”

“Why?”

“Well, just, j-just cause, well,” Bellamy splutters for a few more seconds before apparently pulling himself together enough to continue. “Because you’re you and then I would have been embarrassed because…because…do you want a poptart?”

Aaron groans when Bellamy asks the questions, and Alex reaches out blindly, his hand smacking what he thinks is Aaron’s shoulder in reminder to be quiet. But of course that makes Aaron jump, causing even more noise.

“Oh, sure.” Herc sounds confused, but Alex gives them props for going along with Bellamy’s very random train of though. “Shit, you’ve got like, ten different flavors.”

“I made the mistake of telling my mom that I like poptarts, and she sends me a ton of them every month.”

“That’s sweet,” Herc says, and Alex hears the sound of a poptart opening. “Whenever my mom sends care packages, they usually just have some protein bars and an inspirational quote inside.”

“Well, you’re welcome to share my poptarts anytime.”

Alex rolls his eyes, really just needing Bellamy and Herc to take their awkward flirting somewhere else. It’s way too cramped in this closet and he can still feel Aaron’s glare, even in the dim lighting.

“So,” Herc starts, “you said Alex wouldn’t be back for awhile?”

“Probably not,” Bellamy answers. “He hasn’t been around much lately since the…well, since the incident.”

“How is Aaron doing?”

“He’s…well…he's okay.” Bellamy pauses there, and Alex feels the awkwardness level within the closet rise by about a hundred degrees. He keeps his eyes on the door, not wanting to look over at Aaron. He prays that Bellamy won’t say anything else, but then he hears him sigh. “It just really affected him, and I’m not really sure why? Like, it was mean, obviously, but I don’t know. I feel like I’m missing something. I haven’t seen Aaron this low in a long time.”

Alex feels a stab of guilt run through him, and he can’t stop himself from looking at Aaron, whose head is bent. His shoulders are hunched as well, as if making himself as small as possible will make him disappear. Alex almost says something, but then he remembers they’re supposed to be as quiet as possible, so he clenches his jaw.

“He’ll be okay,” Herc murmurs. “He’s got you.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean it,” Herc continues. “I’ve never seen someone be as good of a friend as you are. You’re…amazing.”

“D-do you really think so?”

“I really do.”

“You’re amazing too,” Bellamy says, his voice shaky, and Alex really has to stop himself from sighing. These two move at a glacial place, they really need to just-

“Alexander,” Aaron’s voice surprises him again, and Alex turns slightly to see Aaron closer to him than before, a look of panic on his face. “I can not hide in a closet and listen to my childhood best friend make out with their crush for the first time.”

“You really think they’re about to make out?” Alex asks, interest hitting him. “Dude, that would be so great. They are so in love, like it’s about time and-” He cuts off with a small squeak as he feels Aaron’s hand sliding across his hip, his fingers pushing the fabric of his shirt up slightly. His mind shorts out, not understanding what’s happening until Aaron’s hand dips into his back pocket, pulling his phone out.

The light from the screen brightens the closet, but Alex hopes not enough for Aaron to see the blush that Alex knows is on his face. He keeps quiet as Aaron uses his phone, fingers flying across the screen. Moments later, Alex hears a phone buzz.

“Oh,” Bellamy says loudly. “Sorry. It’s uh, it’s Alex. He says he’s heading back here now.”

“Oh,” Herc echoes, sounding disappointed. “Well, I can go. I’ll see you around.”

“Do you want to go get food?” Bellamy practically shouts, and Alex winces for him. The guy is way too enthusiastic. It's painful. “I-I mean, I know we just ate poptarts, but they aren’t exactly nutritious so we probably also need to eat something more substantial. So if you want to go out for lunch...I-I just, I mean, food is good for you and I care about your health. When was your last doctors appointment, cause-”

“Bell?”

“Yeah?”

“I’d love to get lunch.”

“Oh,” Bellamy says, sounding immensely relieved. “Good. Okay. Yes. I’ll…let’s go. Now. Yeah.”

Alex breathes a sigh of relief when he hears Bellamy and Herc shuffle out of the room, the door clicking shut behind them. In the next moment, Aaron is sliding the closet door open and stepping out, and Alex follows.

They both stand there in silence for a while, Aaron not looking at him, and Alex feels so many different emotions hit him at once. He feels incredibly guilty, especially after hearing what Bellamy said about Aaron being low lately, and then he feels panicked, worried that he won’t be able to express how bad he feels. How could he be such an asshole? Especially to Aaron? He's so...so...

“I’m sorry,” Alex blurts out, throwing caution to the wind and deciding to just get everything out as quickly as possible. He watches as Aaron’s eyes move to his face. “I’m really, _really_ sorry, Aaron. I know that doesn’t mean much but I really didn’t think about what I said and it was so shitty and I wish I could take it back!” He pauses to take in a breath, not able to decipher the strange look that is passing over Aaron’s face. But he keeps going. “I get it if you’re mad and if you can’t ever forgive me and we can’t be friends anymore, but I’m sorry and I would really like to still be friends and get to know you better and I – why are you laughing at me?”

Aaron puts a hand over his mouth to try to muffle the sound, but Alex already heard it. He glares at Aaron as he continues to chuckle, not really getting why this situation is funny. He’d been trying so hard to apologize and now Aaron is laughing at him? What the hell?

“I’m-I’m sorry,” Aaron breathes out over a laugh. “It’s just..you…” He points at Alex’s head. “You have a sock on you, and it’s…” He starts laughing again and steps forward, reaching out a hand. Alex watches with embarrassment as Aaron’s fingers brush over his hair for a moment before coming back down, holding out a gray sock to show Alex. “Got it.”

“Great,” Alex mumbles, feeling ridiculous. “Well, this did not go as planned at all.”

“The sock part? Or the whole pushing me into a closet part?”

“Both.” Alex shifts on his feet and looks at the ground, not sure of what else to say. He's not sure if he can form anymore coherent sentences. “Uhm, so. Do I need to repeat what I said before the sock incident, or…”

“I think I got it the first time,” Aaron murmurs, and when Alex looks back up at him, Aaron is smiling, so he takes that as a good sign. A really good sign, actually, since Aaron rarely smiles. “And I do forgive you. It wasn’t…it wasn’t that big of a deal, what you said. I’m fine.”

“It was a big deal,” Alex mutters back, despite a slight inclination to just agree. But he knows that’s not fair. “I was being an asshole. You can be angry with me if you want to.”

“I’m not, not anymore. And it’s just…” Aaron is the one who shifts on his feet now, looking away. “It’s a sensitive topic, and I’m…I’m dealing with…with some stuff right now that-“ He cuts off, shaking his head and Alex sees his jaw twitch.

“You don’t need to tell me,” Alex says softly, remembering what Angelica told him about how home life is for Aaron. He figures it must be something related to that. “But…but if you ever want to, ah, you can. I’m…kind of an awful listener but...” Alex shrugs, smiling when Aaron huffs out a small laugh as he looks back at him. “I could try.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Right. Good. So,” Alex rocks back on his heels. “We’re friends again?”

“Were we friends before?” Aaron asks the question softly, and Alex feels his face flush, thinking that Aaron is rejecting the offer, but then Alex sees the genuinely curious look on Aaron’s face.

“I…I thought we were.”

“It never seemed like you really liked me that much.”

“Me? Not like you?” Alex is practically spluttering at that. “I basically stalked you before getting here! I read about you, remember? I was so nervous meeting you the first time that I completely fucked up my first impression! I asked you a million questions and sat next to you in class! I got you a fucking muffin, Burr!”

Aaron is smiling again, clearly enjoying all of this way too much. “And all of that adds up to friendship?”

“Yes!” Alex throws his hands up in exasperation. “Meanwhile, you ignored me most of the time or glared at me and always looked annoyed.”

“That’s just my face.”

“Well it’s a stupid face.” Alex slaps a hand over his mouth after the words come out. “Wait, no. Not like a bad face! You don’t have a bad face, you have a very nice face, I just-“ Alex stops himself before he can embarrass himself any further, wondering how many times he can make Aaron laugh at him it one day. “Forget it.”

Aaron is looking suddenly pleased, and he grins at Alex. “Okay. Friends. We’re friends.”

“Should we hug it out?”

“Don’t push your luck,” Aaron tells him with a snort. “Why don’t we study later?” He starts heading to the door. “Around seven?”

“Yeah.” Alex watches as Aaron nods and pulls open the door. Before he can leave, Alex remembers something. “Oh, hey! Uh, so, since we’re friends, could you do me a favor?” He waits until Aaron nods to continue. “So, as you know, Bellamy has been locking me out, and while I deserve it, I also would really appreciate being able to sleep in my own bed and not at Peggy’s dorm. Her floor is not comfortable.”

“You’ve been sleeping at Peggy’s place?” Aaron asks, not giving Alex an answer. He looks confused and weirdly...relieved? Alex can't tell. “Not…not at Laurens' place?”

Alex feels his stomach twist, remembering the last time Aaron had seen him and John together. When they’d been kissing. “Oh. Uh, no. I, uhm, no.”

“I thought you two would be dating by now.”

“Nope,” Alex says, hoping he sounds casual.

He hasn’t seen much of John since they kissed. It’s not because he’s embarrassed, or because he doesn’t like John, he just…doesn’t know how he feels. The kiss was nice, he knows that despite not having much to compare it to. And John is nice. But he doesn’t know what the kiss meant. Should they be dating? Or does John go around kissing a bunch of people? He hasn’t said anything about it either, and Alex doesn’t want to be the one to bring it up. So he doesn't.

“I’ll tell Bellamy to lay off,” Aaron says, breaking Alex out of his thoughts. “He’s actually terrible at holding grudges, so don’t worry too much about it. I’ll tell him we talked.”

“Thanks.” Alex watches as Aaron takes out his phone, staring at the screen a moment, his eyebrows furrowed before his fingers start to tap out a message. “Still getting those random calls from people?” Alex asks, mainly to keep conversation going.

“Weekly,” Aaron responds, his voice tight. But then he looks up at Alex with a small smile. “So studying around seven? We can work on Washington’s assignment that’s due Monday.”

“You don’t need to catch up at all? You’ve missed like a whole week.”

“I’ve kept up,” Aaron says, smiling a little wider. “I am a prodigy after all.”

Alex snorts, finally feeling as if him and Aaron are really back to the way they were before all of this. Kind of friends. But it’s still enough to make Alex’s chest feel warm. “Right. Seven works. And, uhm,” Alex pauses, second guessing the question he was about to ask. But Aaron is looking at him with an expectant look. “Will anyone else be coming?”

“Anyone else?”

“Jefferson?” Alex clarifies, hoping his voice sounds casual.

“I don’t think Thomas will be joining us,” Aaron says, his face falling back to it’s usually brooding and unamused expression. “He’s been busy lately.”

“It always seemed like you two were-”

“We’re not.”

“Right.” Alex rocks back on his feet, worried that he’s made Aaron upset. But then Aaron takes a deep breath and rubs at the back of his neck before offering up another smile.

“Well, I’ll see you later.”

Alex nods, leaning against the doorframe and watching as Aaron walks away. He feels a million times better now that him and Aaron have fixed things between them. Aaron even seemed mildly excited to be hanging out together later. Alone, too. Without Jefferson. Alex can’t help but be grateful for that, although he’s not entirely sure why. Why does that make him so happy?

It’s only once he closes the door and leans against it that he realizes he’s smiling, that he realizes his stomach is fluttering strangely, that he realizes his heart is beating rapidly in his chest, that he realizes...fuck.

He has a crush on Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally gets there, lol. Although remember, this is slow burn. It's gonna be awhile before these two figure things out at the same time.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation. Leave them here or come talk to me on tumblr @fanciful-follies! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a mainly fluffy chapter for your reading pleasure

After the third time Aaron catches Thomas’s eye on campus only to watch the other man scurry away with a slightly panicked look, he starts to understand that this is just how things are between them now. They don’t speak. They ignore each other.

Fine. That’s fine.

Maria tells him that she sees a lot of Thomas at her work, that he’s constantly taking up two tables and talking to Madison for hours on end. But Aaron stops asking her if she sees Thomas after a while, almost positive that he must be talking to Madison about him…about them…whatever _they_ were. Or weren’t. He doesn't want to know.

All things considered, Aaron has been having a better time lately anyway, so at least he has good things to take his mind off of Thomas. Sure, he catches himself walking over to Thomas’s apartment or picking up his phone to text him a couple of times over the next week or so, but he’s starting to get used to the Thomas shaped hole in his life.

Or at least that what he tells himself.

And strangely, less Thomas has somehow led to _more_ Alexander. They see each other almost every day, although Aaron had taken steps to avoid Alexander for two days after Alexander had followed through on a dare from Lafayette to put hot sauce in Aaron’s coffee. Aaron only agreed to come back to breakfasts after he heard that Peggy put pepper into Alexander’s cereal and recorded the reaction.

Aaron has the video saved on his phone.

He’d never admit it, but Aaron is happy that him and Alexander made up. He still thinks they weren’t exactly _friends_ before the whole library incident, but they’re definitely walking towards that kind of relationship now. They’re learning more about each other, becoming closer.

And Aaron isn’t sure if he just didn’t notice it before, but Alexander stares at him a lot.

He notices the most during their one class together. He’ll be sitting there taking notes when his neck sort of tingles, and he’ll look over and catch Alexander staring at him intently, his pen usually in his mouth or his head tilted to the side. Aaron always raises his eyebrows in a silent question, but Alexander always just shakes his head and moves his eyes back to Washington.

Aaron isn’t sure what to make of it.

He’s also not sure what to make of whatever is going on between Laurens and Alexander. Not that it’s his business, but it’s hard to not be curious. The two of them seem as close as ever, always joking around and slinging arms over shoulders, so it’s clear that any awkwardness that might have happened after their kiss is now gone. Or at least they’re doing a good job of hiding it.

All Aaron knows is that they’re still not dating. He’d asked Herc, who always seems to know what’s going on between people relationship wise, and they said that Laurens and Alexander are just good friends. So, that’s that. He’s not even sure why he cares so much.

He’s gotten so used to seeing Alexander and spending time with him, that when Aaron walks into class and sees that Alexander’s chair is empty, he feels a slight feeling of disappointment settle into his chest. He sits down, eyes flicking to the clock and watching the last few minutes before class officially starts ticking away.

The class period goes by much slower without Alexander there.

The rest of the day goes slowly as well, and Aaron finds himself in a mood where he doesn’t feel like working. He lazes around instead, reading a book and ignoring an incoming call that he knows will just result in silence. Eventually he forces himself to gather his work and head to the library, the street lights glowing as he walks across campus in the dark.

He heads to the second floor, determined to find a quiet place to get his work done in two hours tops. But as he walks past a few occupied tables, he stops when he notices a familiar face.

“Bell?”

Bellamy, who had looked as though he was about to fall asleep, jerks his head up at the sound of Aaron’s voice. “Whoizzit?” He mumbles, blinking his eyes and looking around. When he notices Aaron, he smiles before breaking out into a yawn. “Hey, Aaron.”

“Sleeping in the library now?” Aaron asks with a grin, sliding into the chair across from Bellamy. "That's new."

“Well, you know me, I can sleep anywhere.”

Aaron snorts as he starts to pull his textbook out, and that’s when he notices that Bellamy doesn’t have any of his own homework out on the table. “Are you even working? Why don’t you just go back to your dorm to sleep? You clearly need it.”

“Alex is sick,” Bellamy says, rubbing at his neck. “So I’ve been camping out here. Work is piling up so I really can’t afford to catch whatever he has.”

“Is it bad?” Aaron asks, surprised by the concern he feels. He just knows how much it can suck to get sick when things are busy. Especially your freshman year of college.

Bellamy shrugs. “Not sure. He refuses to go to the doctor. But he has this really nasty cough and barely leaves his bed. I swear I tried to help him, but you know how sick people freak me out.” Bellamy is looking guilty already, but Aaron just waves a hand at him.

“I’m not judging you.” He looks down at his textbook, not actually reading anything. Another yawn from Bellamy draws Aaron’s eyes back up, taking in the bags under his friend’s eyes. “Bell, just go sleep.”

“These tables aren’t comfortable,” Bellamy whines back.

“So go sleep somewhere else.”

“Like where?”

“Herc’s place,” Aaron says causally, attempting to keep a straight face when Bellamy’s eyes go wide and his cheeks grow pink. “They would be more than happy to let you stay over for a few days.”

“H-Herc’s place?” Bellamy stutters, looking like someone just slapped him in the face. “I-I can’t do that! No. No way. Don’t be ridiculous. That’s _ridiculous_.” Bellamy leans back in his chair and runs a hand over his eyes. “I can’t ask them that. Besides, Maria is staying there now. Where would I sleep?”

Aaron’s only response is to smirk and raise his eyebrows suggestively, which causes Bellamy to let out a strange squeaking sound.

“Shut up,” he blurts out before Aaron can actually say anything. “No. Don’t even say it. I can’t sleep in their bed with them!” Bellamy hisses the last sentence, his eyes getting even wider. “I would _die_.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Aaron says, holding back a laugh by reminding himself that Bellamy is probably feeling actual terror at the prospect of sleeping next to their crush. “Bellamy, just ask. You know they’d say yes.”

“But…but what if they don’t?” Bellamy chews at his lower lip and shakes his head. “If they say no, I’d die. So either way, this ends with my death.”

“Bellamy, come o-”

“I can’t,” Bellamy groans, leaning forward and covering his face with his hands. He peeks out at Aaron between his fingers. “I like Herc so much.”

“I know you do.”

“Do you think they like me?”

“Yes.”

Bellamy takes a deep breath and slowly lowers his hands. “Should I call them?” He’s already reaching into his pocket as he asks the question, and puts his phone down onto the table, staring at it like it’s going to explode.

“Do you want me to call for you?” Aaron asks with a laugh. “I can do an impression of you, if you want.”

“Don’t you dare,” Bellamy says, snatching the phone off the table. Then he lets out a soft chuckle. “If it was with anyone else, I’d say yes, but…” Bellamy takes another deep breath. “Okay. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna call.”

“I’ll alert the media,” Aaron says dryly, smiling to himself when Bellamy nods, clearly not taking in his words. He watches with amusement as Bellamy slowly dials Herc’s number, bringing the phone up to his ear.

“HERC!”

The yell makes Aaron jump, his pen clattering onto the table. He shoots a glare at Bellamy, whose face is now a shade pinker. Aaron raises his eyebrows and makes a lowering motion with his hand.

“Sorry,” Bellamy whispers, realizing he may have been a little over-enthusiastic. “Sorry,” he repeats again, a little louder. “I uh, this is Bellamy, as I’m sure you know, cause you have my number and caller ID. Right. Anyway, hi.”

Aaron shifts in his seat, wanting so much to roll his eyes, but he holds himself back in an attempt to be encouraging to Bellamy. So instead he gives him a small thumbs up. At least he said hi, that’s a start.

“So, anyway,” Bellamy continues. “Alex is sick and it’s kind of gross, like, whew, I won’t give details, but it’s bad. A-and well, I mean, I was hoping that maybe, if it’s okay, you can totally say no, uhm, but could I possible stay at your place?” His voice goes very high pitched at the end, and Aaron can’t stop the wince that passes over his face, which does not go unnoticed by Bellamy. “Oh, is that weird? That’s weird. I’m sorry, just forget it actually, I-”

Aaron watches in silence as Bellamy cuts off, Herc’s voice reaching his ears. Bellamy’s face goes through a quick succession of different expressions, ending with a slightly nauseous look. Aaron can’t tell if that’s good or not.

“Okay,” Bellamy breathes out. “Yes. Good. I’ll be there soon, then.”

“Nice,” Aaron mouths at Bellamy, giving him another thumbs up.

“I just have to head to my place to grab some pajamas and-“ Bellamy cuts off again, his jaw dropping open. “I can borrow some of yours? O-okay, yes. That would be amaz-uh, adequate, I mean. Okay. See you soon.” He hangs up and looks at Aaron with a dumb struck expression.

“Told you they’d say yes,” Aaron says smugly, leaning back in his chair and laughing at Bellamy’s expression. “Are you okay? Do I need to take you to the hospital?”

“I’m great,” Bellamy croaks out, standing up quickly and grabbing his backpack. “I-I’ve gotta go, like right now. I’m sleeping at _Herc’s_ place. Okay. Yeah. I’ll see you later.” Bellamy starts to walk away, but then freezes and spins around, rushing over to throw his arms around Aaron briefly. “Thank you,” he whispers, and then lets him go and practically sprints out of the library, leaving Aaron smiling at the table.

The next day, Aaron is restless.

He keeps thinking about Alexander. He keeps thinking about how much it sucks to be sick, and how much it sucks to be sick in a dorm room with scarce resources. He’s almost positive that there’s no way Alexander made his way across campus to get food. He also keeps thinking back to when he’d gotten sick freshman year, and how he had never felt worse in his life during an illness.

Aaron hesitates a moment before pulling out his phone to text Maria.

_< << Are you busy right now?_

Her response comes seconds later.

_> >> Never busy for you. What’s up?_

_< << How do you make soup?_

_> >> Oh honey. That’s so sad._

_< << Answer the question._

Aaron waits for Maria’s response, the three dots floating on his phone screen.

_> >> I will make you the best goddamn soup you have ever had the luxury of putting in your mouth. Come over in an hour and I’ll have it ready. And before you ask, no, it is not a big deal, and no, you can’t come over and help. This is a delicate process that I can’t have you messing up._

Aaron laughs at that, and types out his thanks.

An hour later, he’s knocking on the apartment door, jumping a little when the door swings open to show Maria standing there in an apron with a Tupperware container full of what Aaron assumes must be soup.

“This is the best soup you will ever taste,” Maria tells him, shoving the container into his hands. “You might even die from how good it is.”

“Well that would be unfortunate,” Aaron starts, “seeing as I’m hoping it will make someone feel better. Alexander,” Aaron explains when Maria looks confused. “He’s sick. So I figured I’d-”

“You are so cute.” Maria reaches out and pinches his cheek. “Like, you’re actually the cutest.”

“Is Bellamy here?” Aaron asks, smacking Maria’s hand away. “I need his dorm key so I can get in.”

“Oh, he’s here.” Maria steps back and ushers Aaron in. “He hasn’t left Herc’s room all day.” Maria wiggles her eyebrows and laughs.

“Finally,” Aaron says. He steps further inside and looks around at the apartment “So you like living here? It’s all been going well?”

“It’s perfect,” Maria assures him. “Herc and Laf are both surprisingly neat and they’re both easy to live with, even if Laf does have some interesting habits.”

“Please don’t expand on that,” Aaron says with a grimace, turning to head towards Herc’s room. But the door swings open before he can even take one step, and Bellamy emerges in slightly oversized pajamas, his hair messy and a sleepy smile on his face. When he sees Maria and Aaron, he freezes.

“Oh, uh-”

“Nice,” Aaron tells him with a smile, snickering when Bellamy blushes. “I need your dorm key.” He laughs again when Bellamy spins and rushes back into the room, and he can hear him and Herc talking before he comes back out, his key in his hand which he tosses to Aaron. He’s turning around to leave again when Maria calls his name.

“Nice hickey,” she says, pointing to Bellamy’s neck, laughing loudly when Bellamy slaps a hand over the mark.

“It’s not a-a hickey! I-I fell!” He shouts the words at them, turning very red and then fleeing, slamming Herc’s door behind him.

“They’re going to be a great couple,” Maria says with a smile, clapping her hands together and bouncing up and down. “This is exciting.”

“Only took them over a year,” Aaron adds, laughing when Maria glares at him for ruining the moment. “Thanks again for the soup. I should head over and give it to Alexander.”

“Why are you going through all this trouble?”

Aaron shrugs at the question, not exactly sure himself. “I don’t know. I just…” He pauses and shrugs again. “We just got to being, well, sort of friends, so I figured it would be nice. And I don’t want him to-” Aaron stops again, realizing what’s driving him to do all this.

He doesn’t want another Thomas incident.

He doesn’t want Alexander to think he doesn’t care. He knows it’s crazy, cause him and Alexander aren’t the greatest of friends, have only known each other for a few months, but everything that happened with Thomas shook Aaron up. He doesn’t want another friend to hate him.

“It is nice,” Maria says softly, giving Aaron a knowing smile like she can read his mind. “He’ll really appreciate it.”

“Yeah. Well, I should go. I’ll see you later.” Aaron gives Maria a quick hug before stepping out of the apartment.

He feels a little nervous now, worried that he might be overstepping. What if Alexander things it’s weird how nice Aaron is being? Aaron will be the first to admit that he hasn’t always been the nicest person to Alexander, especially when they first met, so what if Alexander thinks he’s just putting on an act? Aaron knows that he wasn’t in the best place when he first met Alexander, that he was acting off, but Alexander doesn’t know that.

But before Aaron can talk himself out of it, he’s in front of Alexander’s dorm. So he takes a deep breath and goes in, walking up the one flight of stairs until he’s in front of Alexander and Bellamy’s door. He knocks gently before sliding the key in. “Alexander? It’s Aaron.”

“Aaron?” Alexander’s voice is stuffy and hoarse, and when he disentangles himself from the blankets surrounding him on the bed, Aaron can see how red his eyes are. “What...what are you doing here?”

Aaron holds up the container as he steps in and shuts the door. “Soup. Bellamy told me you were sick, and I figured you hadn’t eaten much lately.”

“Soup,” Alexander rasps out, sitting up with a groan. He reaches his hands out and makes a grabby motion with them, and Aaron can’t stop himself from chuckling a little. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m dying.”

“You’re fine,” Aaron tells him, looking around. “Do you have a bowl or something I can put it in?”

“Don’t need one.” He gestures for Aaron to come closer, and practically whines when Aaron hands him the container and spoon. “Oh man, soup. Soup is-” Alexander cuts off with a sneeze, groaning again before popping the lid off the container and getting a spoonful to bring up to his lips. “I’m dead and in heaven.”

Aaron just rolls his eyes and looks around the room again, taking in its state of dishevelment. When he takes a closer look at Alexander, he notices how pale he is and how out of it he looks. He kind of does look like he's dying. “You take any medicine lately?”

“I don’t know, what time is it?” Alexander blinks up at him groggily.

“2:15.”

“It’s been about twelve hours,” Alexander says around a mouthful of soup. “Fuck, this is _good_ , like I don’t even care that I’m burning my mouth off. Hey.” He looks up at Aaron, covering his mouth as he coughs for a few moments. “You should go, don’t want to get you sick.”

“I’m a prodigy, I can’t get sick.” Aaron smirks when Alexander glares at him. “Where’s your medicine at?” He huffs out a breath when Alexander just waves his hand around vaguely, clearly not feel well enough to give details. Aaron wants to be annoyed, but he reminds himself that Alexander is sick.

So he looks around the room a little more, moving things off the floor with his foot until he comes across a pack of Nyquil. He grabs Alexander’s water bottle off of his desk and walks back over to the bed.

“You’re like an angel,” Alexander murmurs, blinking up at Aaron again and smiling a dopey smile. He sets the soup down and takes both things from Aaron. “I hate swallowing pills. I’ll just die instead. Why are you making me do this?”

“Just be quiet and take them.” Aaron rubs at his forehead, realizing with slight amusement that sick Alexander might just be more of a handful than healthy Alexander. “You should sleep. You look like you need it.”

“I’ve been sleeping for _years_ ,” Alexander complains, but he swallows two pills and flops down onto his bed. “I hate sleeping.” He looks at Aaron and smiles. “Hey, you’re nice.”

“Go to sleep.”

“You’re _nice_ ,” Alexander repeats, coughing a little before smiling again. “Like…you’re totally nice. But it’s a secret nice. You’re undercover nice.”

“Thank you,” Aaron says, feeling a smile tug at his own lips. He knows most of this is just Alexander’s sickness talking, but it’s still very amusing. He’s tempted to get him to talk more, but he can tell by the way Alexander’s eyelids are fluttering that he’s about to fall asleep. “Text me if you need anything else.”

Alexander mumbles something incoherent, sighing when Aaron raises his eyebrows, like it’s his fault that he can’t understand Alexander’s mumbling. Alexander clears his throat and tries again. “I said, read my textbook to me.”

“What?” Aaron still isn’t sure if he heard him correctly.

“I can’t fall asleep in complete silence,” Alexander explains, yawning and pulling a blanket over his body. “You…gotta read to me.”

“And you want it to be our textbook from Washington’s class?” Aaron asks, already walking over to Alexander’s desk and grabbing the book before sitting down. “I guess it will put you to sleep.”

“Aaron Burr has jokes,” Alexander chuckles, coughing into his pillow. He shifts around on the bed for a moment, and then waves a hand in the air. “Now read.”

Aaron rolls his eyes but does as he’s told. He only gets through about three and a half pages before Alexander’s snores are filling the room. So he closes the book softly and stands, placing it back down and looking around.

He’s not exactly sure what to do now. He could just leave, but he’s not sure if Alexander would think that was rude. But Aaron also doesn’t know how long Alexander is going to be sleeping. Judging by his snores, he’s completely out of it already. Aaron lets out a slow breath, and then shrugs to himself. He’ll just stay and do his homework. If more than an hour goes by and Alexander is still asleep, Aaron will go. He just doesn’t want to leave if he ends up needing something.

He works for about forty-five minutes before he hears the sound of the mattress squeaking, and then there is a strange sound that sounds faintly like a squeal coming from the direction of Alexander’s bed.

Aaron looks up from his book to see Alexander peeking out at him from his covers, his eyes wide. He watches as Alexander bolts up in his bed, keeping his covers around him as he continues to stare, his eyes blinking rapidly.

“Holy shit, are you actually here?” He croaks out eventually. “Are you actually in my bedroom watching me sleep?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Aaron asks, closing his book and turning to look at Alexander fully. “Of course I’m here. And don't say it like that, you make it sound creepier than it is.”

“I thought I hallucinated the first time,” Alexander says, looking pale. “I thought I was having a fever dream, holy _shit_.”

“You thought you were having a fever dream about me bringing you soup? That’s weird. You couldn’t make it more interesting?”

Alexander’s face flushes at Aaron’s words, causing Aaron to raise his eyebrows at the reaction, but Alexander just glares at him and pulls his blanket around him tightly. “Why are you here?”

“Bellamy told me you were sick,” Aaron says simply with a shrug. “And that you weren’t going to the doctor’s. So I just…I don’t know. I thought I’d stop by.” He pauses and then grins at Alexander. “And seeing as you repeatedly told me you were dying, I think I made the right decision.”

“Shut up,” Alexander groans, leaning against his headboard and closing his eyes. “Nothing I said while I was feverish can be used against me.”

“Like how you told me I was undercover nice? And that I was an angel? And-”

“Stop speaking immediately,” Alexander says quickly, his eyes flying open and his face turning even more pink. “I didn’t know what I was saying. You are not an angel. You are the devil.”

Aaron laughs at that, making Alexander glare at him, although Aaron thinks he can see a small smile on his lips before he raises his hands to rub at his face. Aaron stands to put his things away, and when he looks back up, Alexander is staring at him again with a strange expression.

“What?”

“I can’t believe you made me soup,” Alexander mumbles, shaking his head. “Like, who does that? That’s so fucking nice. I hate you.”

“Technically I didn’t make it,” Aaron says, amused at how Alexander is still acting strange because of how he’s feeling. “Maria did, I suck at cooking.”

“Ha!” Alexander shouts suddenly, sitting up a little straighter and pointing a finger at Aaron. “Finally, a flaw. Aaron Burr can’t cook.”

Aaron snorts at that. “You’re ridiculous. I have flaws.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Aaron looks at Alexander for a moment, and then sighs as he sits back down. “I can’t play football. I tried out in high school and broke my arm within ten minutes.”

“Wait wh-”

“I also hate math. I mean, I’m okay at it, but honestly I cried doing my math homework every night in middle school.” Aaron pauses there, wanting to laugh at Alexander’s shocked expression. But he keeps going. “I’m also not very good at video games. I never got to play them much as a kid, so I never got the hang of them.”

“Are you seriously telling me all the things you can’t do?”

“Now I’ve never tried snowboarding,” Aaron continues, ignoring Alexander’s question. “But I have a feeling I wouldn’t be very good at it if I did try. My balance isn’t very good.”

Alexander laughs at that, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth as he starts to cough. But when he recovers, he’s still smiling. “You’re weird, Burr.”

“Another flaw.”

“We have that in common though,” Alexander says, grinning. “I don’t think I could snowboard either.”

“I’ll add that to our list of similarities, right next to us having brown eyes.”

Alexander laughs again, and Aaron can’t help but feel a little pleased about that. He likes that he can make Alexander laugh. He has a nice laugh, too. His nose scrunches up whenever he laughs, which honestly is pretty c-

“I should shower,” Alexander says, breaking Aaron out of his thoughts. He realizes he’d been staring at Alexander that whole time, and that Alexander’s cheeks are pink again, and he’s looking down at his hands. “I feel better, so I should probably drag myself out of bed and be a person.

“Sure.” Aaron clears his throat and grabs his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. He nods at Alexander and starts walking over to the door, but he stops and turns back when Alexander calls his name.

“Uh,” Alexander scratches the back of his head. “I was just wondering what you’re doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Oh.” Aaron had forgotten about Thanksgiving. They go on break for a few days next week. “Going home.” He should call his uncle to talk about when he’ll pick Aaron up. Fuck. He really doesn’t want to go home. “What are you doing?”

“Going to the Schuyler’s place with Laf and John.”

“Sounds fun,” Aaron tells him with a smile, feeling a twinge of jealousy.

“You should come, too,” Alexander blurts out. “It will be a good time. You could even cook some bad food for us. It’ll be great.”

“I wish I could,” Aaron tells him honestly, but then looks down at the ground. “I don’t think my uncle would let me, though.”

“Oh. Will it just be you and your uncle?”

Aaron’s hand twitches at his side at the question, and he closes his eyes briefly. “Yeah, just me and my uncle.” It will be his first Thanksgiving without Sally there. “Just the two of us.” He’s not sure if he can do this, go home and be there without Sally.

“Well, you should FaceTime us or something,” Alexander says, standing up and stretching. “Laf promised that he would do a one man show of Titanic while we’re there, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to miss that.”

“Yeah, sure.” Aaron gives him a tight smile and pulls the door open, stepping out.

“Aaron.” Alexander’s voice stops him again. “I, uh, thanks. For stopping by.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’d hug you or something,” Alexander says with an awkward laugh. “But I haven’t showered in like two days, so.”

“Another time then,” Aaron chuckling when Alexander makes a strange squeaking sound at that. “I’ll see you around, Alexander.” He shuts the door, feeling a smile on his face, and takes a deep breath as he starts to make his way back to his dorm.

He’s happy that he ended up going to see Alexander. Despite everything that’s happened between them, Aaron can honestly admit that he enjoys spending time with him. He’s weird, definitely weird, but he’s funny. And Aaron feels comfortable around him. All that talk about how nice Alexander thinks he is had lifted Aaron’s spirits. A lot of people don’t think that about him. A lot of people don't bother to try and get to know Aaron.

But Alexander seems different, he seems interested, and he makes Aaron happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 chapters down and...well...a lot more to go.
> 
> Things are looking up for these two. Or at least that's how it seems. The next two updates will be a little shorter than usual, but will feature both Aaron and Alexander's thanksgiving experiences. And, just as a warning, things will be a litttttllleee angsty again. And then get real angsty. And THEN that fake dating tag will come into play.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! So leave them here or come talk to me @fanciful-follies on tumblr! :D P.S. I might write a little one-shot from Bellamy's POV about his exciting night at Herc's place, so check out my tumblr if you want to see it!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boop. Here's another chapter. Also I lied, there isn't really any angst in this one, I'm moving back the angst till next week lol. So enjoy another pretty feel-good chapter that features a very confused crush-ridden Alex.

The Schuyler’s house is huge.

Like, not normal huge, but ridiculous huge. Huge as in you could fit twenty families inside and still have too much space. Huge as in Alex is pretty sure that he’s going to get lost trying to find the bathroom and will be attempting to find another person for days and be in danger of going hungry.

Then again, every bedroom probably has a bathroom attached to it, so that scenario won’t even happen.

“Your house is huge,” Alex tells Peggy, dragging his duffle bag behind him as they all walk inside. “Like…damn. Do you have fifty other siblings I don’t know about?” That’s the only explanation he would accept for a house being this big.

Peggy laughs as she shrugs her coat off. “Nope, just the three of us.”

“Not even any pets?”

“Dad is allergic,” Angelica answers from further inside the house.

“To all pets?” Another voice asks, and Alex turns slightly to see John stepping inside, winking at Alex as he walks past him. “Sounds fake. Lets go get y’all a puppy. Your dad wouldn’t even notice.”

“Oh, yes!” Lafayette claps his hands together as the door shuts behind him. “I love dogs. I plan to have at least three when I am older. Perhaps four if my house will permit it.”

“Have a house like this, and you can have a hundred dogs,” Alex teases as they all make their way into what he assumes is the main room. “Are your parents even here?”

“Nope.” Peggy flops down on the couch, punching Lafayette in the arm when he sits beside her and attempts to lay across her legs. “They’re vacationing.”

“Rich people,” Alex mutters as he sits on one of the chairs, sinking into the soft material of it. He hears John snort at his comment, and feels his stomach do a little flip, but he ignores it. Instead he yawns and stretches his legs out in front of him. “I’m so fucking tired. I hate long car rides.”

“Wouldn’t have been so long if Laf didn’t make us stop every ten minutes,” John points out, stretching his arms above his head, and Alex looks away when he catches himself staring at the portion of John’s stomach that appears as his t-shirt is raised up.

“I am not sorry,” Laf tells all of them from his spot on the couch. “I do not like being in a car, and I need to get out every now and then to stretch my legs.”

“Every now and then is not every ten minutes.”

“Shut up.”

“You also made us stop at every food place we passed.”

“I was hungry,” Laf says with a shrug, inspecting his fingernails. “We are here now, yes? So it does not matter.”

“We could have been here two hours earlier,” Angelica argues, kicking at Laf’s legs as she walks past him. “When we drive back, you’re sitting in the backseat and we’re only stopping twice, or I will make you hitchhike back.”

“Cruel woman. I thought we were all friends?”

Alex yawns again, missing Angelica’s response and choosing to look around. He has to admit it’s a nice house, but still, way too big. He hates when a space is too big, he feels like he shouldn’t walk around or touch anything. And he’s positive that if he broke anything in this house it would cost more than he could ever hope to have to replace it.

“Alex?”

“Huh?” He jumps a little in his chair at the sound of Peggy’s voice, and notices all of his friends staring at him. “Sorry, what?”

“We were all thinking about just calling it a night,” Peggy says, laughing a little. “And I’m guessing from how tired you look, you probably feel the same.”

“What about my Titanic re-enactment?” Lafayette asks with a small pout. “I have been practicing for weeks.”

“Man, that would last hours,” John groans. “No way in hell can I stay awake for that.”

“I highly doubt you’re better than DiCaprio,” Alex adds, standing up and rubbing at his eyes. “I could barely get through him doing it, which means I definitely can’t stay awake for yours. Going to sleep, on the other hand, sounds like heaven.”

“C’mon.” Angelica stands up as well. “I’ll show you guys where you’re sleeping.” They all head up one of the staircases, and Alex swears by the time they reach the next floor that he’s just run a marathon. He won’t have to exercise for years. “You and John can sleep here.” Angelica pauses in the hallway and gestures to one of the rooms. “There’s only one bed, but it’s big enough that you won’t be able to tell.”

“We’re sharing rooms?” Alex asks, hoping his voice didn’t shake as much as he thinks it just did. “But this house is huge!” He also doesn’t want to mention that the idea of sharing a bed with John is making his heart pound.

“Well, technically only you and John are,” Angelica answers with a shrug. “Peggy and I are sleeping in our rooms, Laf gets one, and then Eliza would be pissed if we let one of you sleep in her room without asking, so.”

“C’mon, it’ll be fun,” John says, nudging Alex’s shoulder with his. “When was the last time you had a sleepover? I’ll braid your hair if you’re nice.”

Alex tries to laugh, but he feels nerves tighten his chest. He hasn’t spent any time alone with John in awhile. They had kind of just silently agreed to pretend like their kiss never happened. And now there’s the whole extra thing of Alex realizing he has a crush on Aaron. He hasn’t told anyone, and he isn’t sure _how_ to tell anyone, especially John, who he still feels…well, _something_ , for. It’s all very confusing.

“No funny business,” Angelica teases them, walking away to show Lafayette where he’s sleeping.

Alex knows his face is red, he can feel his cheeks getting warmer and warmer, but he tries to play it cool as he walks into the room with John following behind him. “They weren’t kidding about the bed,” Alex says in an attempt to break some of the tension.

“No shit,” John chuckles, dumping his bag on top of it. “I’ll change in the bathroom.” He nods at the door on the opposite wall before grabbing his pajamas and walking in, closing the door with a click behind him.

Alex changes into his own pajamas while he’s gone, giving himself a mental pep talk as he does. He can do this. He can share a room with John. They’re still friends after all. It’s a weird kind of friendship, sure, but it could be worse. It’s going to be fine. He hopes.

He’s just so _confused_.

He likes Aaron, he knows that, or at least he thinks he knows that. He’s never had a crush, not really, he’s still not sure if what he felt, or still feels, for John is a crush. Being around both of them makes is stomach flip, but Alex can’t tell if it’s in the same way. He could just feel nervous around John because he doesn’t know where they stand, and what if his nerves around Aaron are just because the guy still intimidates him a little? He has no idea.

Alex gives himself a small shake and sits on the bed, pulling out his phone. He opens his messages, his thumb hesitating over Aaron’s name a moment before clicking it and looking at their recent conversation. A simple text from Alex telling Aaron to have a good holiday. He’d sent it yesterday. Aaron still hasn’t responded.

“You like him, don’t you?”

John’s voice causes Alex to leap up from the bed, his phone falling out of his hand and onto the mattress.

“I-I-what?” Alex snatches his phone from the bed and locks it, holding it to his chest and shaking his head so fast his hair flips in front of his eyes. “I have no idea what you mean. Who? Like who? I mean, I don’t like anybody so that doesn’t really even ma-”

“You like Aaron,” John cuts in, smiling when Alex just stares at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to say. “I mean, it’s kind of obvious. You get all weird when he’s around. Your voice gets all squeaky.”

“It does not,” Alex shoots back, feeling offended for a moment. Then he realizes what they’re talking about, the reality of it crashing down on him. He realizes _who_ he’s talking about it with. Alex groans and sits down on the bed, putting his head in his hands. This is the worst, the absolute worst.

“Alex.” John says his name in such a knowing and understanding way that Alex feels himself flush, hunching his shoulders and trying to laugh his nerves away. “Hey.” The mattress dips and a hand comes to rest on Alex’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I’m not gonna tell anybody.”

“That’s-that’s not what…” Alex shakes his head and laughs again. “Aren’t you mad at me?” He chokes the question out, his throat tight. This is it. This is where John gets upset with him, where he explodes and leaves and says they can’t be friends anymore.

“Mad?” John asks, and Alex turns on the bed to see him looking genuinely confused. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Well, we…we kissed, and I…I don’t want you to think that I was leading you on or…or I don’t know, that I was being an asshole.” Alex bites at his lip and looks down at the mattress. “I’m…I like you and we’re friends and I think you’re attractive and I-I mean, I-” Alex cuts off, not even understanding his own words.

“Alex.” John smiles at him, his expression understanding. “I know all of that already, especially the part where you said I’m attractive.” His smile grows when that gets a genuine laugh out of Alex. “I think the same about you. And I like you, a lot, I won’t lie, but…” John pauses and shrugs. “I’m not good at relationships. I don’t like them that much, there is a lot expected. They freak me out. So you liking Aaron and wanting to date him isn’t causing my world to crash and burn too much.”

“Oh.” Alex picks at the bedsheets and chews at his lip, his nerves lessening just a little bit. But then his brain registers the last part of John’s sentence, and his stomach flips. “I just, I-I don’t know if I want to _date_ Aaron, either. It’s…I just have a crush. I don’t know. It’s not gonna happen anyway.”

“He’s crazy if he doesn’t feel the same way,” John tells him, nudging him with his hand. “I mean, he willingly hangs out with you, and for Aaron that’s basically the equivalent of him being in love.”

“Shut up,” Alex mumbles, but he feels a smile form on his lips. This is good, he realizes. It’s good that John is okay talking about this. He takes a deep breath and shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve never dated anyone, so I don’t know if I’d be good at it. Hell, I basically have zero experience. You…you were kind of my first kiss.”

John is silent for a moment, staring at Alex with a thoughtful look. Then he smiles and winks. “Well, let me tell you, you’re a natural.” He laughs when Alex ducks his head in embarrassment. “I’m serious! It was a good kiss.”

“Thanks,” Alex mutters, trying to get his rapidly beating pulse under control. He peers up at John, who is still smiling softly at him, and Alex feels his stomach flip again. Dammit. Why does this keep happening? “I-I just don’t know what…or-or who…I don’t-”

“Alex, hey, it’s fine.” John scoots closer to him on the bed. “Crushes suck, that’s why I avidly try to avoid them. And I’m not expecting anything from you, but if I can help you figure this out, I’ll do my best.”

“You could just like, knock me out or something,” Alex jokes, smiling when John lets out a laugh. “Then I don’t have to deal with any of this.”

“I don’t know about that,” John chuckles, but then he bites at his lip, tilting his head to the side as he looks at Alex with thoughtful eyes. “I could, uh, I could kiss you, though.”

“What?”

“Kiss you.” John says it so casually that Alex has to blink at him a few times, trying to get his mind to catch up with what he’s hearing. “It, well, it might help clear some things up.”

“I-how?”

“Well,” John scratches the back of his neck and lets out a short laugh. “Okay, hear me out. You don’t know who you like, right? Me or Aaron? That’s what has you so freaked out, right?”

“Well, yeah, I-”

“And sometimes, kissing can help with that. It won’t be as spontaneous as our first kiss, so you can pause and think about it. And if you don’t like kissing me, that’s fine, too. We can make it a casual thing. That’s what Aaron and Thomas were doing. Thought they were good at hiding it, but everyone knew. Thomas basically eye-fucked Aaron every time they were in the same area. You must have noticed.”

Alex can only splutter in response. Sure, he saw all the looks and the touches, but he never thought they were hooking up. At least not all the time. He never thought that they were meeting up behind closed doors, kissing and taking off clothes and-

Alex slaps a hand over his eyes. He didn’t mean to start imagining Aaron doing all that. He definitely did not mean to. Even if it is a nice image, even if-

“I don’t understand,” Alex blurts out, lowering his hand so he can look at John, who’s staring back with a slight expression of concern. “So you…you want to kiss me? But…do you like me? You know, like me like me?”

John laughs at that, his expression turning fond. “I do like you, Alex. But I’m not sure if I want to date you.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Do you like me?”

“Of course.”

“Do you want to date me?”

“I don’t know,” Alex says slowly, feeling his mind start to catch up to what John is offering. “But I’m…attracted to you, I guess.”

“Thanks,” John says with a chuckle, his shoulders shaking as he does. “I know this is weird, and I’m not trying to freak you out. I just…things have been weird between us since we kissed, and believe it or not, I’m trying to remedy that. I just…we’re both clearly attracted to each other, although dating might not be the intent. I just…I thought we could try more kissing?” John is starting to look unsure and a little embarrassed. “Just to see if…if you like it? This all sounds really creepy, doesn’t it?”

“No,” Alex says quickly, reaching out and taking one of his hands. “It’s actually…I might be interested.”

“We can stop any time,” John says in a rush. “This isn’t like a…an all the time thing. I just…I like you, and I want to be friends, and I also want to kiss you? I’m doing such a bad job explaining this, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“I just…” John swallows and shrugs one shoulder. “I guess I just don’t know where we stand? You seem confused, and I am too, and I…” He trails off, but Alex nods, starting to understand.

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course!” John squeezes his hand, and then lets out a soft laugh. “Now that I’ve made things exceptionally awkward, should we try to sleep?”

Alex laughs, too, nodding again as they both climb under the covers. Silence falls, but it’s not awkward. It’s actually more comfortable than he’s felt around John in awhile. He’s glad they talked. And he will think about what John said.

Suddenly, something else John said pops into Alex’s head, making him shift on the bed.

“How obvious am I?” Alex asks into the dark. “About having a crush on Aaron? I mean…do you think he…”

“Aaron wouldn’t know if someone had a crush on him if they got down on one knee and proposed,” John says, his voice a little muffled. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe until you decide to tell him.”

Alex tugs at the blanket, a whole other wave of emotion and confusion hitting him. Will he ever tell Aaron? How would he even go about doing that? Just blurt out, hey, Aaron, I have a big stupid crush on you? That sounds pretty awful, but then again, he’s been blurting stuff out at Aaron since they met. Maybe Aaron secretly likes that about him. Sighing, Alex rolls over onto his stomach and buries his face into the pillow, hoping the lack of oxygen will distract him from everything else going on in his brain.

-

Alex wakes up the next morning to the sound of distant yelling and cursing coming from somewhere else in the house. He jerks up from the bed, throwing the covers off and looking around in panic, noticing first that John isn’t there, and second that it’s already noon.

He pushes himself out of bed, feeling a little disoriented as he opens his door and follows the noise until coming across the rest of his friends huddled around the something dark and smoky on the kitchen counter.

“What the fuck is that?” Alex asks, pushing between Peggy and Angelica, who are wearing matching expression of disgust. “Are we supposed to eat that? I mean, I’m not a cook, but...ew.”

“I destroyed it,” Lafayette practically wails. “I wanted to make the turkey, but look at it! I have ruined our holiday!”

“We could just order some food,” Peggy says, rolling her eyes when John slaps a hand to his chest, looking offended. “What?”

“Y’all are crazy. Order pre-made food, when me, a famous culinary chef in training, is gracing you with his presence?”

“You want to make everything by yourself?”

“No.”

“Then take-out it is,” Peggy says, grabbing the burnt turkey with a pair of oven mitts and dumping it into the trashcan. “Okay, what does everyone want?”

They end up ordering an assortment of food; Chinese, Thai, a couple of pizzas, and John even went out and brought back a couple pre-made pies, promising to bake them all one from scratch later to show how good their Thanksgiving _could_ have been if they weren’t all so lacking in culinary knowledge, which causes Angelica to toss a pillow at him.

Everyone cheers when Angelica breaks out a few bottles of wine after everyone has gotten through round one of food. She tells them firmly that if anyone throws up on the carpet, she’ll make them sleep outside.

Alex has only gotten through his first glass when Lafayette stands up on the couch, his arms spread out wide. Alex groans, leaning back against John’s legs, who’s sitting in the chair behind him. John pats his head sympathetically, both of them knowing what’s coming next.

“I’m flying!” Lafayette calls, flapping his arms a little for emphasis. “Jack, I’m flying!”

“Oh my god,” Alex mutters, and then he can’t help but laugh as Peggy climbs up onto the couch behind Lafayette, curling her arms around his waist.

“I’m king of the world!” Peggy calls out, much to Lafayette’s amusement. She laughs loudly when Lafayette turns, tackling Peggy onto the couch and causing both of them to end up on the floor in a tangle of limbs.

“A beautiful performance,” Angelica calls out, raising her glass of wine in one hand, and snapping a picture of Lafayette and Peggy with her phone in the other. When she sees Alex’s questioning glance, she smiles and scoots over to him. “I promised Hercules that I’d keep them updated on every stupid thing Lafayette does.”

“Nice,” Alex says with a chuckle, taking another sip from his glass. “What did Herc end up doing for break?”

Angelica wiggles her eyebrows. “Stayed with Bellamy on campus. Those two are going to be inseparable now that they finally got together.”

“I should get some of the credit,” Alex says, leaning further against John’s legs. “I mean, if I hadn’t gotten sick, none of it would have happened. They both owe me.” Alex winces when John bumps his fist against the top of his head. “Hey!”

“They would have gotten there eventually,” John says from behind him. “Don’t give yourself too much credit. They were both seconds away from jumping each other’s bones every time they were in the same room.”

“Besides,” Angelica adds in, “I’m pretty sure Aaron is the one who finally convinced Bellamy to make a move.”

“Well, I guess Burr is smoother than I thought,” John murmurs, his fingers nudging Alex’s back in a not so subtle gesture. “Burr must be a dating expert.” His fingers move again, trailing up Alex’s neck and making him shiver.

John has been glancing at him all night, a worried expression mixed with excitement on his face. Alex knows he’s waiting for an answer, waiting to know what Alex wants to do. But the problem is, Alex still has no idea.

Is it bad to try and kiss John when Alex thinks he likes Aaron? But what if he does like John, and he just lets that opportunity slip by? Their first kiss was kind of rushed, getting interrupted by Aaron himself, so maybe Alex hadn’t given it enough thought. But to be fair, everything with Aaron had happened right after. And then Aaron had forgiven him and made him soup and had been so _nice_ …

“I’m going to get the pie,” Peggy yells, breaking Alex from his thoughts. He looks up to see her standing over him, a hand held out in his direction. “Alex, can you help me?” She pulls him up after he nods, practically dragging him into the kitchen before spinning back around to look at him. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? I-yeah…fine.”

“Well, you looked like you were about to throw up.” Peggy gets one of the pies out and opens a cupboard, coming back with a pile of plates. “And you heard what Angelica said.” She pauses and looks back at Alex, clearly waiting for him to say something.

“I’m…” He pauses, not sure if he should try to explain the thoughts running through his mind. “Have you…” Alex licks his lips, trying to figure out how to phrase his question as Peggy starts to cut the pie. “Uh, have you ever liked two people at once?”

Peggy places a piece of pie onto a plate and then stops what she’s doing, looking over at Alex with a slightly startled expression. “What?”

“N-not that I do,” Alex blurts out, not wanting Peggy to think he’s talking about himself. “I uh, I mean hypothetically. How…how do you tell when you like someone?

“Well,” Peggy starts, looking more amused now, “hypothetically it’s different for everyone. But I guess usual signs are nerves, your stomach feeling funny, wanting to be around that person all the time.”

Alex bites at his lip. He feels all of those with both John and Aaron. “What if…what if hypothetically I feel like that around two different people?”

“People can date more than one person,” Peggy tells him with a slight shrug. “You could do that.” She glances over at Alex and winks. “Hypothetically, of course.”

Alex isn’t sure he wants to do that. Plus he’s pretty positive that Aaron and John don’t exactly get along, so that could be messy. “I don’t know if I’d be into that, at least not…not with these two people. Hypothetically.”

“You could try kissing them both?” Peggy offers, licking a piece of pie off of her thumb. “That works for some people, too.”

“And that’s not weird? Kissing them both?”

“I’m not saying you should all have a threesome,” Peggy tells him with a laugh. “Just…I don’t know, you might feel more connected with one of them over the other. Or find that you think of the other while kissing one of them. Or you might even feel nothing, and have to spend time with both of them more to figure it all out. Some people don’t even like kissing, that’s okay, too.”

“So…” Alex takes a deep breath and rocks back onto his heels. “So it wouldn’t be weird if I hypothetically accepted an offer to casually kiss one of them to see if I like it while also wanting to make sure I stay friends with that person if I don’t?”

Peggy looks at Alex, her eyes narrowed. A few seconds go by, and then her face breaks out into a knowing smile that makes Alex blush. “Ah. Well. If you talk everything through before hand, then I don’t see anything wrong with it. And if you trust the other person.”

Alex nods, knowing immediately that he trusts John. And they did talk about it, so…so maybe Alex will do it. Maybe he’ll see what it’s like, kissing John again. Maybe it will help clear out the jumbled mess in his brain concerning him and Aaron. Maybe he'll even discover that he likes kissing John a lot, and will want to see where that leads. “Thanks, Peggy.” He starts to walk back out, stopping when Peggy calls his name.

“John is nice,” she tells him with a smile. “He would never get mad at you, for anything. So, if you want to kiss him, then I would go for it.” She grabs a plate from the counter and walks past Alex, looking back at him over her shoulder. “Hypothetically, of course.”

Alex snorts as she walks back to the living room, and he takes a deep breath before grabbing two plates from the counter and following her back out. He catches John’s eye as he walks over to him, handing him one of the plates in his hands.

“Thanks,” John murmurs, his eyes tracking Alex as he sits back down on the floor, this time facing John.

Alex eats his pie in silence, too lost in his own head to feel like joining in everyone else’s conversation. He does keep looking at John though, his stomach fluttering and flipping for what feels like the hundredth time that week. He needs to try and understand his own head, his own thoughts.

So about a half an hour later, Alex is standing up and stretching. “I think I’m gonna head to bed,” He announces, glancing at John and doing his best to give him a subtle look that means he should follow. “I’m wiped.”

“Aw,” Lafayette pouts. “We did not even give thanks!”

“I’m thankful for sleep,” Alex says sarcastically, flipping Lafayette off when he pouts even more. “I’ll see you all tomorrow.” He looks back at John, who is staring intently back. Alex raises an eyebrow and tilts his head just slightly as he starts to walk. When he hears John tell everyone that he’s tired as well, Alex grins, slowing down a little so John can catch up.

They’re silent on the way up to the room, but Alex feels his body thrumming with excitement and nerves. Finally, they make it to their room.

“Could we…could we try it?” Alex asks as soon as the door closes, turning to face John.

“Try what?”

“Kissing.” Alex says the word quickly, feeling his face grow warm at just the thought of it. “I…I just want to try it tonight. And tonight might be the only time. I just…I want to try, and if you’re interested, then-”

“I am,” John cuts in, stepping closer to Alex, his face looking completely sure. “And I’m not expecting anything, I promise. We can stop at any time. But I like you, and you’re hot.” He laughs when Alex lets out a small squeak. “You are. So kissing you isn’t exactly something you need to convince me on.”

Alex tries to say something else, but his mouth opens and nothing comes out. He feels his stomach flutter as John steps forward, his eyes darting down to Alex’s lips. His hand nudges Alex’s chin up, and Alex breathes out slowly, his eyes closing as he leans in closer to John.

The first press of their lips is soft, but Alex’s skin tingles anyway, and he moves his hands up to rest on John’s chest, tangling his fingers into his shirt and pulling him a little closer. John hums and obliges, kissing him harder, his hands moving down to Alex’s hips.

Alex jumps when he feels John’s teeth on his lip, the sharpness of it surprising him. He feels John start to pull away, but Alex wraps his arms around John’s neck, keeping him in place, wanting to keep the kiss going. John laughs softly against his mouth, but nips at his lower lip again before kissing him more, their lips sliding against each other and making Alex’s mind go fuzzy.

He wonders what Aaron would be like if they kissed. Would his lips be softer than John’s? Where would he put his hands? On Alex’s cheeks? His hips? Or would he be more daring? Would he slide his hands lower until-

“Do you want to lay down?” John murmurs against his lips, hands tightening a little on Alex’s hips. “Just to be more comfortable, won’t do more than you want.”

“Okay,” Alex breathes out, allowing John to push him down, feeling his breath catch as John crawls over him.

They kiss again, and it’s more heated this time, both of them breathing heavily as hands clutch at skin and clothing. Alex’s hands are on John’s back, sliding under his shirt, and he gasps when John’s tongue darts out, sliding over his lip before slipping into his mouth. Alex moans softly at the sensation, shivering a little when John repeats the motion, his tongue meeting Alex’s and curling around it.

He’s not sure how long they kiss, but at some point, Alex’s mind starts to wander. He starts to imagine that a different pair of lips are on his, that different hands are tangled in his hair and a different voice is murmuring soft words into his ear. Alex gasps, his eyes squeezing shut a little more as his fantasy becomes more clear, as that imaginary person presses their body down onto his.

Alex can’t stop himself from arching slightly off the bed, and that causes his hips to meet John’s, both of them gasping. They’re both hard. John’s hips push Alex’s back down, grinding against him as his mouth slides down to Alex’s jaw, his warm breath coming out in sharp puffs. Then there’s a pair of teeth against Alex’s neck, biting, and Alex moans so loudly that he immediately feels his face heat up.

“Fuck,” John grits out, twisting his hips in a way that has Alex seeing stars. He sinks his teeth into Alex’s neck again, moaning when Alex jolts at the sensation, digging his fingers into John’s back and his jaw dropping open, a whine escaping his lips. John’s hips move down again, their erections rubbing against each other through the fabric of their jeans.

Alex’s mind is still running wild, and that person’s face behind his eyelids is becoming more and more clear. Alex can see their eyes, their lips and their smile, and he knows he’s imagining Aaron. He wants it to be Aaron. Fuck, he likes Aaron.

That thought causes a pang of guilt to run through Alex, his body losing some of its heat. He wonders if John can feel it, because a moment later he’s pulling away and looking down at Alex with furrowed brows, and his own slightly guilty expression.

“Alex? Are you…”

“Maybe we should…slow down?” Alex bites at his lip as John pushes off of him slightly and Alex takes in a few deep breaths, moving his hands off of John’s back and letting them flop back down on the mattress. He hadn’t realized how fast they were going, how heated things had gotten, how much he had let his imagination get away. “Sorry,” he whispers.

“Don’t apologize,” John says with a chuckle, pressing a quick kiss to Alex’s mouth before pushing himself back entirely and lying down beside Alex on the bed. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, and Alex wonders if his is doing the same.

But, strangely, he feels calmer, more grounded. Kissing John is nice, but the fact that he was getting riled up because he was thinking of Aaron while making out with a considerably attractive guy makes Alex sure. He gave it a shot with John, but…

“I’m…not sure if we should do this,” Alex says slowly, doing his best to think what he wants to say out in his head. He doesn’t want to offend John. “I mean, I liked it and all, but I…” Alex swallows before finishing his sentence, his stomach fluttering, “I like Aaron.” He feels his face get warm as he says the words, and Alex really wishes that didn’t happen so easily. “It just wouldn’t be a good idea. I don't want to...to lead you on, or whatever. I...I don't think it would be fair for any of us.”

“Okay,” John says back, nodding up at the ceiling like he understands completely. Alex waits for more, but John stays silent.

“Okay? That’s…you’re all good?”

“I told you we could stop whenever you wanted to.” John turns his head, smiling at Alex, his face still a little flushed. “I like kissing you, but if you’re sure, then you’re sure. That’s fine. Really. So stop freaking out and come lay down with me. We’ll watch TV.”

Alex lets John rearrange them so his back is to John’s chest, and they open Netflix on John’s laptop, opening some cooking show. Halfway through the episode, John’s fingers are in his hair, braiding the strands together like he had promised earlier, and Alex feels more relaxed than he has the entire break.

“So,” John starts quietly. “Are you going to tell Aaron?”

“That we made out? Probably not.”

“No, idiot.” John tugs on his hair, laughing. “That you like him?”

Alex squirms on the mattress and chews at the inside of his cheek before taking a deep breath. “I don’t know. It’s not…we don’t really even know each other yet. I don’t want to freak him out.” Alex continues to chew at his cheek, and John makes a thoughtful noise, not responding. “Do…what do you think I should do?”

“I think,” John starts, putting a hairband around the braid in Alex’s hair, “that you should take your time. Figure out what you want, and spend some time with Aaron.” He squeezes Alex’s shoulder before leaning back against the headboard. “And try not to freak out too much.”

“Okay,” Alex breathes out, moving to the other side of the bed and flopping down onto his side. “I can do that. I can keep my freak outs to a minimum.” He closes his eyes in an attempt to calm down and prove to himself that he can keep himself from freaking out.

He does feel a lot better, but now he’s just thinking about Aaron, and that definitely isn’t keeping a freak out at bay. He wants to just go and tell Aaron right when he gets back to college that he likes him, he’s never been good at waiting before. Slow and steady isn’t his style. But he also doesn’t want to mess anything up with Aaron. When the two of them hadn’t been speaking, well, that definitely was not a fun time.

Alex sighs and tugs the covers tighter around him. This was a weird day. His lips are still tingling a little from the kiss, and he brings a hand up to run his fingers over his mouth. He can hear John breathing beside him, and Alex feels a sudden rush of affection flow through him.

“Hey, John?”

“Mm?”

“Thanks for…for everything.”

“Anytime.”

-

The next morning is quiet, everyone tired from the previous night and choosing to lounge around the house in various areas.

Alex is grateful when there is no awkwardness between him and John when they both wake up. Alex’s stomach still flips a little when John winks at him as he slides into the bathroom to shower, but it’s from happiness now, happiness that they’re still friends, happiness that John still wants to be around him.

He showers slowly once John is finished, only stepping out of the bathroom once the tips of his fingers are starting to wrinkle. He keeps his pajamas on as he walks into the kitchen, grinning when he sees a pot of coffee already made. He’s on his second cup, curled up on the couch, when his phone vibrates in the pocket of his sweatpants..

Alex pulls out his phone, looking down and feeling his heart leap when he sees that Aaron finally texted back.

_> >> Happy Holidays to you, too._

Alex can’t help but laugh, fondness building in his chest. Aaron would be formal over text, and take days to respond. Alex smiles as he taps out his response.

_< << Only took you three days to respond. My holiday is technically over now, but it was good, so thanks. How was yours?_

_> >> You’re welcome. And probably quieter than yours._

_< << Oh, you’re right on that. I have so many ways to blackmail everyone._

_> >> Tell me everything._

Alex smiles even wider as he starts to text Aaron about Lafayette’s cooking disaster, thinking to himself that this break could not have gone any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to think for so long about how Alex would figure out his feelings about John, which are super complicated cause of his crush on Aaron, and of course the solution that eventually came to me was that Alex would make out with John to see if he likes it, lol. But, poor kid, all he could think about while doing it was Aaron.
> 
> ALSO what do y'all think? Does John not have any feelings for Alex? Can he really just be that chill? WHO KNOWS, BUT STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation! Leave them here or come talk to me on tumblr @fanciful-follies! :D Thanks again!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaannnddd the angst is back
> 
> Enjoy x

The car ride back to his home is silent.

His uncle puts on the radio, and Aaron stares out the window. He watches the buildings and the trees zoom past, but his eyes aren’t really focused on them. Instead he’s focusing on calming himself down, on preparing himself for the next few days. It’s only three days. Three days of being home without Sally, of being in a home where she used to be. He can do it.

But when he steps over his threshold, and the door closes behind him and his uncle, Aaron thinks that there’s no way he can do this.

The house already seems like it’s closing in, like the silence is going to swallow him up or the walls will collapse in on him. Aaron looks around, trying to convince himself that he’s not waiting for Sally to jump out and surprise him, to tell him that she’s back for good, that it was all just a misunderstanding.

But she doesn’t.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?” His uncle’s question causes Aaron to jump a little, and he turns to look at him as he shakes his head no. “Well, you can put your stuff away in your room. Then come back out so we can talk.”

Aaron drags his things to his room, doing his best to avoid looking at the closed door of Sally’s room. But he can’t help it, he does look, his eyes roaming over the wood and his hand twitches at his side. He knows if he opens it she won’t be there, so he keeps walking until he reaches his own room.

He places his bags on his bed, looking around and noting that everything is in the same spot he left it at the end of the summer. His books are neatly stacked on his desk, his dresser drawer is still slightly open, and there’s a comic book laying open on the floor. Aaron chuckles when he sees the comic book, remembering how much Sally used to tease him about his obsession with comics and superheroes. She used to tell him that his superpower was boring people to death.

Aaron feels his smile slip a little, a burning feeling building in his throat. He blinks his eyes as he turns away from the comic book, a shaky exhale leaving him. It hasn’t even been five minutes and he’s already losing control. He takes a few deep breaths before straightening up and heading back into the kitchen, his uncle already sitting at the table.

“How is school?” He asks immediately as Aaron sits down across from him, his chin resting on his hands. “How are your grades? I’m hoping me getting you that single is keeping you more focused.”

“School is good,” Aaron says, picking at the seam of his jeans under the table. He doesn’t dare tell his uncle that he hates having a single, that he wishes he could have roomed with Bellamy like they had planned last year. But his uncle didn’t want him to have any distractions. “I’ve…I’ve got mostly A’s.”

“Mostly?”

“A minus in my politics class.” Aaron swallows. “There were a few days where I was sick, so I missed some.”

“A minus,” his uncle repeats, leaning back in his chair and fixing Aaron with a disappointed glance. “Well, you’ve got time to bring that up. You’ll have to work a little harder during your finals, but if you’re your parent’s son, then you should have no trouble.”

“Yes, sir.” Aaron swallows again, his throat feeling tight. “I’ll do better. I can talk to the professor and…and get some pointers in the right direction. I’ll catch up.”

“I’m sure you will.”

The conversation pauses there, and Aaron does his best not to twitch or fidget too much – he always used to get into trouble for that when he was younger. He wracks his brain for something to say, for something to talk about, but he comes up with nothing. Sally always used to be the one to fill the silences. She was so much better at it than he ever was.

It doesn’t help that Aaron doesn’t know his uncle, not really. He’d raised Aaron and Sally for basically their entire lives, but it had never felt like a parent-child relationship. His uncle is strict, more of a mentor than a parental figure. Aaron knows that his uncle never expected to have to take care of two children, and that he’s lucky him and Sally had a place to go that was better than other alternatives. And even though Aaron can’t handle his own finances, or spend money freely, he knows he’s lucky to have money. He should be grateful that his uncle is paying for college.

“Have you heard from Sally?”

The question jolts Aaron out of his thoughts, and his eyes fly up to his uncle’s, trying to gauge what is about to happen. His uncle looks politely interested, not like he’s trying to get Aaron to confess anything. “I…no. Nothing.”

“Nothing at all?”

“No,” Aaron murmurs, shaking his head. “I…I get calls, sometimes, from numbers I don’t know. But…I answer and there’s never anyone on the other end.”

His uncle sighs and stands, going over to the fridge and taking something off of it before returning, dropping it onto the table. “I got a letter a few weeks back,” he says, “and when I went to the address, it was some apartment, but she wasn’t there anymore.”

Aaron stares at the letter, Sally’s handwriting staring back at him. He swallows a few times before reaching out, the paper crinkling a little as his hand shakes.

_Uncle Tim,_

_I’m only writing this to let you know I’m fine, that I left of my own free will, and that I have no interest in coming back to your house, cause that’s what it has always been, your house. You never made space for me and Aaron. There was only space when we followed your rules, but it was a cramped space, one that left us no room to grow or thrive._

_You probably think I’m ungrateful, and maybe I am, but I’m happier now. Sure, I’m a college drop out, I’m living on almost nothing and working crappy jobs, but they’re crappy jobs I got to choose, and soon I’ll be even more free to pursue what I want. My 21st birthday is only a few months away, and I’ll get my inheritance. And I promise you that once I do, you won’t be seeing me ever again._

_You raised me and Aaron on the belief that if we don’t follow a certain path, we’d be a disappointment to our parents, that we wouldn’t get anywhere in life. I let that dictate so much of my childhood, but not anymore._

_Don’t bother asking Aaron where I am, he doesn’t know, and he never will. Don’t tell him about this letter, either. He doesn’t need to know about any of this._

_\- Sally_

Aaron re-reads those last few lines over and over, his eyes burning at the edges. _Don’t tell him about this letter…he doesn’t need to know about any of this._ Why doesn’t she want him to know? Why doesn’t she contact him? Why doesn’t she care?

“Well,” Aaron starts, clearing his throat and setting the letter back down. “At least we know she’s okay.” He’s trying to see the good parts, trying to feel comfort in the fact that this letter is proof that Sally is okay.

His uncle grunts in response, picking the letter up and putting it back on the fridge. He sighs again, his back still to Aaron. “You know the rules I put in place are for your well-being, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Aaron responds automatically, despite his actual disbelief. He doesn’t know why his uncle does anything, not really. He only can control their finances until they’re twenty-one. After college, Aaron doesn’t plan to come to his uncle for anything. But twenty-one is a long time away. He won’t be twenty-one until halfway through his senior year of college. By then it’ll be too late for Aaron to make any of his own decisions concerning his future. “I know that, sir.”

“Good.” His uncle turns to face him, his lips in a thin line. “Sally has chosen to go down her on path, despite everything I’ve given her, despite what her parents would have wanted. It was rash and ungrateful, what she did. If she contacts you, I want to know.”

Aaron nods, his lip twitching at his second lie. He won’t ever tell his uncle if Sally contacts him. Although it seems like that chances of that are pretty unlikely anyway. Sally doesn’t want him to know anything.

“You know,” his uncle continues, his voice suddenly shifting to something more cheerful. “Thanksgiving was your mother’s favorite holiday.”

“It was?” Aaron perks up a little at that, and sees his uncle start to smile. “Why?”

“The food. She couldn’t care less about the holiday itself, but lord, did she love cooking the food. She made this sweet potato casserole that everyone loved. She’d put brown sugar and pecans in it…there was never any leftovers for that.”

Aaron smiles, leaning forward in his chair and trying to picture his mom in his head. He wishes he could remember a Thanksgiving with her, but he’d been so young. He can’t remember anything.

“Speaking of Thanksgiving….” His uncle lets out a short sigh. “I won’t be able to make anything. I’ll be working pretty late tomorrow, so you’ll have to fend for yourself.”

Aaron feels a strange twinge of disappointment deep in his chest. He won’t pretend that he’s close with his uncle, but spending Thanksgiving alone isn’t exactly something Aaron had been expecting. It was hard enough doing it every year with Sally and his uncle, the small gathering just nudging the fact that his parents aren’t there into his mind, but this is going to be even worse.

“That’s fine,” Aaron hears himself say, his voice sounding distant to his own ears. He pushes himself up from the table and tries to give his uncle a weak smile. “I’m pretty tired, so…I think I’m going to sleep, if that’s okay.”

His uncle waves him off, and Aaron makes his escape, letting his door shut softly behind him before he raises his hands to cover his face, taking in long, deep breaths. He allows himself a few short moments to relax before forcing his hands back down and beginning to undress, climbing under the covers of the bed once he’s done.

But despite the heaviness surrounding his eyes and the lethargic feeling in his limbs, sleep doesn’t come to him.

Aaron should be used to it by now, these kinds of restless nights, but they used to be different. Everything was different when Sally was around.

She always seemed to know when Aaron was having a bad night. She would slip into his room and bounce on top of the mattress, poking at Aaron until he emerged from under the covers with a scowl. But she would just pinch his cheeks and tickle his sides until he finally cracked a smile.

Then she would get under the covers, too, and launch into some story that’s been floating around in her mind. She always included a superhero just for Aaron, but she should make their superpower something ridiculous, like having the ability to fit twenty Pringles into their mouth at once. Sally’s stories were weird and over the top, but they made Aaron laugh, made him get out of his own head for a while. Even thinking about them is starting to relax his mind.

Aaron breathes in and out slowly, counting each breath in his head, until he feels the noise in his brain grow quiet, finally allowing him to drift off to sleep.

-

Aaron wakes up the next morning feeling like he didn’t sleep at all.

But luckily, with the knowledge that his uncle has already gone to work, Aaron can take his time waking up.

He checks his calls, seeing there haven’t been any new ones. Then he goes to instagram, snorting at the picture Maria put up of her and her co-workers at the bakery captioned “Got a seven hour shift…fuck capitalism, I want pie.”

He keeps scrolling, eyes flitting over the various pictures until he pauses, his stomach lurching when he sees Thomas’s most recent photo. It’s of him and Madison, and they’re both in Thomas’s apartment, Aaron recognizes the kitchen. Half of Thomas’s face is in the picture, while Madison stands in the back wearing an apron and an unimpressed expression. The caption reads, “Told him to wear a kiss the chef apron, but he refused. Still might do it, anyway.”

Aaron stares and stares, his mind going wild with its attempts to understand how he feels about the picture. He wants Thomas to be happy, of course he does, but…Madison? The same Madison who glares at Aaron and seems to hate him? Does that mean Thomas hates him? Does he just hand out with Madison and talk about how much Aaron sucks?

Aaron shuts off his phone, passing a hand over his eyes. He knows part of the reason he’s upset is because it’s been so long since Thomas has so much as looked at him. Aaron tries to ignore it, to understand how Thomas is feeling, but it hurts. It hurts not having Thomas in his life when he took up so much of it.

Aaron’s phone buzzes, cutting into his thoughts, and he lifts it back up to see a text from Bellamy that is mostly made up of exclamation points and different heart emojis. Despite how part of his mind is still on Thomas, Aaron smiles at the text and starts to tap out a response.

_< << I take it you’re having a good time with Herc?_

_> >> YOU HAVE NO IDEA. THEY ARE THE B E S T_

Aaron chuckles. He knew once Bellamy and Herc actually got together they would never shut up about each other.

_< << Well then go talk to them and stop wasting time on me_

Bellamy responds with more heart emojis, and Aaron just snorts, going back to the rest of his messages. He sees that there’s one from Alexander wishing him a happy holiday, and that reminds him that today is actually Thanksgiving.

Sitting up, Aaron sighs and looks around his room. Since he’ll be spending the day alone, he doesn’t technically need to do anything. But he also doesn’t want to just sit around. He could attempt to make something, even though his cooking skills are lacking. But at the thought of cooking, the conversation from last night with his uncle pops into his head.

Sweet potato casserole.

Aaron swings his legs over the edge of the mattress, suddenly getting excited. He could buy ingredients to make sweet potato casserole, just like his mother did every Thanksgiving. It can’t be that hard, and there’s a grocery store that’s about a ten minute walk from his house. He still has some money left over from the summer, and there’s nothing better to spend it on.

He quickly dresses before grabbing a coat and heading outside, excitement still bubbling under his skin. He doesn’t know why he didn’t think of this before. He knows so little about his parents, but craves the stories his uncle tells like nothing else. He’s always searching for any way he can connect with his mother and father.

The ingredients he needs are simply enough. Milk, sweet potatoes, pecans, brown sugar, butter, eggs, flour…Aaron walks up and down the aisles of the grocery store, pushing the cart slowly as he checks his phone every now and then to make sure he isn’t forgetting anything. It doesn’t take long, and soon he’s in the checkout aisle, waiting patiently for the person in front of him to finish.

Aaron’s eyes roam over the various things that are laid out in the checkout line in order to tempt people to buy them last minute; chapstick, gum, a box of buttons with various sayings on them, chocolate bars, and other strange knick-knacks. He starts to go through the pile buttons to pass the time, snorting softly when he comes across one that says, _“You have a right to your opinion, and I have a right to tell you how fucking stupid it is.”_

Aaron snorts again, a little louder this time, when Alexander immediately comes to mind as he reads it. He doesn’t even hesitate before he grabs the button and adds it to the things he’s piled up onto the conveyor belt, deciding that he’ll give it to Alexander once he gets back to school.

Aaron gets back home in the next fifteen minutes or so, and he drops the bags of ingredients onto the table before heading into the bathroom, deciding to take a shower before doing anything else. Plus, with his uncle gone, Aaron can take as much time showering as he wants. He loves long showers, but his uncle always gets made when he takes more than ten minutes.

He considers just lazing around until it’s the late afternoon, but Aaron finds that whenever he isn’t doing anything, his mind goes back to Sally, back to her letter and her absence, so he starts to make the sweet potato casserole even though it’s barely past noon.

Around forty-five minutes later, Aaron has his nose pressed against the oven door, waiting for the timer to go off. He has no idea if he made it right, but it definitely smells good. He wishes he had something to compare it to, but there is no memory in his mind of how his mother used to make it.

The timer goes off, and Aaron puts on a pair of oven mitts before pulling the casserole out, having to remind himself that it’s too hot to eat immediately. It looks good, and Aaron can feel more excitement flowing through him. This is what he would have had every year if his mother were still alive.

He lasts about fifteen minutes before deciding that the food is cooled down enough. He grabs a plate and starts to pile some of it on, and then goes to sit at the table. He keeps his eyes on the food in front of him, not wanting to look up and see the empty seats around him. He pokes his fork into the casserole and lifts it to his mouth, the flavors breaking across his tongue.

It’s good, really good. It could be better, of course, Aaron has never cooked much, but he thinks for a first attempt it’s adequate. He finishes his first serving pretty quickly, some of the excitement from earlier turning to a soft simmer before seeming to leave him completely. He lifts his eyes, taking in his empty surroundings.

He wishes he were with his friends. He wishes he would have been able to stay on campus, because there at least he could visit Maria, or Bellamy and Herc. Hell, even spending a weekend with Laf, Laurens, and Alexander seems nice in comparison to this.

Aaron pushes the thoughts away and stands up to get another serving, taking it into his room this time so he doesn’t have to sit at the table. But somehow, eating alone in his room is even worse. It’s still so empty.

He misses Sally.

-

The next day goes by slowly.

Aaron locks himself in his room for most of it, telling his uncle that he’s got some homework to do, knowing that’s the best way to get his uncle to leave him alone.

At one point he remembers that Alexander had texted him a few days ago, and Aaron finally decides to respond.

The conversation is a good distraction, and Aaron finds that he’s actually pretty amused with how Alexander tells stories through text. Apparently Lafayette had made them all watch him do his Titanic re-enactment after all, making them all crowd into the bathroom so he could do the climactic drowning scene in the bathtub. He’d almost flooded the bathroom.

For some reason Alexander seems reluctant to go into detail on what else he's been doing over break, but Aaron figures it's probably just because not much has been going on. They text back and forth throughout the day, and Aaron finds that he's actually having a good time talking to Alexander. Not that he thought he wouldn't, they have been getting closer, but Alexander just isn't the usual person Aaron feels comfortable with. He's loud and abrasive at times, but he's also funny. And nice. So Aaron keeps talking to him. 

That night, Aaron is unable to sleep again. He’s restless, tossing and turning and not able to keep his mind on one thing. He sighs as he turns over onto his back, his hand reaching out blindly for his phone.

He messes around on it for a couple of minutes, and when he gets a picture from Alex showing Angelica upturning a game of checkers she’d been playing with Laurens, Aaron only hesitates a moment before clicking on Alexander’s contact, hitting the call button. It rings once before Alexander is answering, his voice a little breathless.

“Aaron Burr!”

“Hey,” Aaron says, his lips quirking up and how enthusiastic Alexander sounds, even over the phone. He hears a loud crash and muffled yells from the other end. “I hope this isn’t a bad time?”

“No!” Alexander half-yells. “No, it’s – John, shut _up_ – not a bad time at all! Just let me…” Alexander trails off, and Aaron thinks he hears Laurens yell something, but he can’t make it out. Then suddenly it’s quieter on Alexander’s end. “Sorry," Alexander tells him, "you know how they get. But I’m good now. How are you?”

“I’m good,” Aaron says, picking at the bed sheets. He hadn’t really thought about what he would say to Alexander when he called, and now he can’t think of anything. But luckily for him, Alexander talks enough for the both of them.

“That’s good. Things have been crazy here. I mean, yesterday was chill, mainly because Laf was hung over and didn’t speak to anyone all day. But he’s definitely recovered for today and has been in rare form. Peggy had to lock him in the bathroom at one point, I’m pretty sure he broke the door though, which Angelica is not happy about. Do you know how big the Schuyler’s house is? Like, it’s huge. Ridiculously huge. Anyway, I’ll shut up now.”

“You’re fine,” Aaron says, failing to bite back a laugh. “I’ve only had my uncle to talk to the past few days, so…you’re fine.” He doesn’t want to admit how nice it is to hear Alexander’s voice, or anyone’s voice, for that matter. Alexander talks so much it’s easy for Aaron to get distracted about everything else.

“Admit it,” Alexander continues, “you miss me. Like…you actually _called_ me.”

“Am I not supposed to call my friends?”

“But you called _me_ ,” Alexander repeats, and Aaron things he can hear the smile in his voice. “So I mean, yeah, we’re friends. Wow, who would have thought? Me and Aaron Burr are friends. Pals. Buddies. Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton, the closest-”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Aaron interrupts, rolling his eyes even though Alexander can’t see the motion.

“But that’s what I do best,” Alexander responds with a loud laugh. He pauses briefly before continuing. “Well, I’m not afraid to admit that I missed you.” He pauses again. “I mean, unless that’s weird to you. If it’s weird then I take it back. I don’t miss you at all.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Is it weird?”

“No?” Aaron lets out short laugh, unsure of what he's supposed to say. “It’s…fine.”

“Fine,” Alexander echoes his words. “Well, yeah, that was definitely reassuring. What kind of friend are you, saying it’s only fine when I admit to missing you? Worst friend ever.”

“I got you a present,” Aaron tells him, shrugging as he remembers the button he’d bought. “So, I think I’m a pretty good friend.” He waits for Alexander to say something back, but all he hears is silence. “Alexander?”

“You...” Alexander’s voice is soft in Aaron’s ear, and he clears his throat before continuing. “You got me a present?”

“A small one. Like, don’t expect something ama-”

“You’re ridiculous,” Alexander says, cutting him off, his voice a little higher pitched. “Like I said…undercover nice. Although it’s becoming less undercover.”

Aaron smiles, not sure why his chest fills with such a warm feeling at those words. He can count the number of times he’s been called nice on one hand.

A comfortable silence falls after that, and Aaron feels the tension that had been building inside him all break slowly crumbling piece by piece. A slight beep from his phone makes him jump, and he pulls his phone away to see that his battery is at five percent.

“My phone’s about to die,” Aaron tells Alexander a moment later. “So I should probably go.” He doesn't want to hang up, but he doesn't feel like grabbing his charger either. He can feel himself growing tired. But he is tempted to keep talking to Alexander. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed other people. "Sorry."

“Right, the classic 'my phone is dying' trick. You can hang up, it’s cool. I won’t be sad. I’ve been hurt before.”

“Are you ever serious?” Aaron asks, laughing loudly before remembering that his uncle is asleep.

“No,” Alexander responds, sounding pleased with himself, like he’d been trying to make Aaron laugh. “It’s not my style. Are you ever _not_ serious?

“I guess you’ll have to find out,” Aaron teases, his phone beeping again, reminding him that he needs to charge it. “I’m hanging up on you now.” He hears Alexander start to respond, but he hangs up before he can finish, smirking a little as he imagines Alexander’s offended expression at not being able to finish speaking.

Feeling considerably better, Aaron rolls over onto his stomach, his phone beside him, and lets out a content sigh.

He’s asleep within five minutes.

-

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, the first thing he does is plug in his phone since he’d forgotten after talking to Alexander. He goes to the bathroom as he waits for his phone to turn back on, and splashes some water onto his face to help himself wake up. When he walks back to his room and picks up his phone, he feels his stomach drop.

He has a voicemail.

Aaron stares at it for a few minutes, his heart pounding so hard he feels like his chest is going to collapse. He moves his finger towards it, clicking it quickly before bringing his phone up to his ear. He holds his breath and tries to stay calm.

But when he hears Sally’s voice, he can’t help but let out a shaky breath.

“Happy Thanksgiving little bro. Or well, Happy day after Thanksgiving, I never was good with dates. I remember that year I bought a cake for your birthday a day early.” Sally laughs, her voice crackly on the other end. Aaron pushes his phone closer to his ear, not wanting to miss anything she says. “Sorry I’ve been sort of missing in action, but you know, desperate times.” She pauses there, and Aaron has to put a hand over his mouth to muffle how heavily he’s breathing, keeping his tears back. “I, uh, I know you probably aren’t happy with me right now, but I need you to trust me. I don’t know how much Uncle Tim has told you, or how much you’ve figured out, but just trust me. I’m gonna come back, I promise. Sorry about all the missed calls, too, I uh,” Sally cuts off and laughs again. “I chicken out most of the time.” There’s a long pause after that, but then Sally speaks again after clearing her throat. “Anyway, I hope you’re good, Aaron. I want you to be good…I hope you know that.”

The voicemail ends there, but Aaron keeps the phone pressed to his ear for long moments after. There has to be more than that, there _has_ to be. But there isn’t. Sally says nothing else.

There is so much going on in his mind that Aaron can’t even move. His head is spinning, his hands shaking. His heart is pounding with hundreds of different emotions. But the biggest emotion inside of him is anger. He’s so _angry_.

Aaron hits the callback button before he can convince himself to wait, unsure if the ringing in his ears is from the phone or his own mind. Moments later, he gets the message telling him that Sally’s inbox is full, making it impossible to leave her a voicemail. That robotic voice instructing Aaron to alert the owner of the phone he’s attempting to call that their inbox is full is enough to make the anger inside him burst.

He hurls his phone across the room, barely paying it any attention as it clatters to the floor. Aaron curls in on himself, biting his tongue until he tastes the coppery tang of blood in his mouth.

Why is this happening? Why is Sally blocking him out like this? Why won’t she talk to him? What did he do wrong? He doesn’t understand any of it, and he hates not understanding. But what can he do? He doesn’t _understand_.

He doesn’t understand how this time last year he still had Sally, still had a family. He still had Thomas, too. But now everything feels like it’s falling apart and Aaron doesn’t know what happened. But he does know he wants it to stop. He _needs_ it to.

He looks over at his phone, a strange desire filling him up. He hopes his phone is broken. He hopes that he’ll never be able to look and see if he has any missed calls ever again. He’s so tired of all of it, especially since now he knows that Sally doesn’t even _want_ to tell him anything. So what’s the point?

Aaron pulls the covers over his head, blocking everything else out. He feels like his whole body is shaking, but he can’t tell if that’s in his mind or not. He knows what could help, or at least what might help. He knows he should have done it a long time ago, maybe as soon as everything started happening. He’s just so scared of what will happen when he does. What if it changes nothing? What if saying it all out loud just makes it worse? But he should try. He needs to at least _try_.

He needs to tell someone about Sally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Aaron does tell someone, but not the person he intends, and not in the way he planned.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave them here or come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another chapter.
> 
> Warnings for dealing with problems in bad way, and, as usual, angst.

Alex is more than excited to be back on campus.

He tells a nosy John that his level of excitement has nothing to do with the fact that he’s going to see Aaron again, but John’s smirk seems to hint that he doesn’t believe one word coming out of Alex’s mouth. Which is fair, seeing as Alex doesn’t believe his own mouth, either.

“So are you going to ask him out?” John asks as they eat breakfast before class their first day back. He’s looking at Alex with a knowing smile, like he can already guess what Alex is going to say in response. That asshole.

“I can’t just run up to him and announce that I have a huge crush,” Alex mutters, feeling his face heat up at just the idea of doing that. “And like…what if he says no? That’s awkward. I don’t know.” Alex fiddles with his spoon, glancing at his uneaten bowl of cereal. “What do you think I should do?”

“I don’t know if I can exactly give great advice in the dating department.” John shrugs and leans back in his chair, but he fixes Alex with a thoughtful glance. “Just ask him out this weekend! Herc, Laf, and Maria all want to throw a party, have him go with you. I don’t know, aren’t there supposed to be signs or something when someone likes you? Look for the signs.”

“The signs,” Alex echoes, scrunching up his nose as he thinks. Have there been any signs? He’s not really sure what a sign from Aaron would be, he’s so different from everyone else. Just looking at Alex could be a sign. “Aaron isn’t exactly the most expressive person.”

“Well, then I guess you’ll just have to ask him.”

Alex scowls at that, really not wanting to have to straight out ask Aaron if he wants to go on a date. He doesn’t know what he’d do if Aaron says no. “Just…Aaron is so put together and knows what he’s doing and everything. Life is going good for him, ya know? What would he want with me?”

“True.”

“Shut up.”

“Alex.” John laughs and shakes his head, an amused glint in his eyes. “Burr isn’t as unapproachable as you make him out to be in your head. You’re gonna see him in class, right? So just start talking about break and then ask him to the party this weekend. If he says yes, that’s a sign.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” John takes a spoonful of his own cereal before waving his spoon in the air, flinging droplets of milk onto the table. “Burr doesn’t like parties that much, doesn’t drink often cause he doesn’t like it. So if he says yes, then he’s only saying yes to spend time with you. That’s a sign.” John sets his spoon down, looking impressed with himself.

But Alex just purses his lips, not sure if John’s logic makes sense. What if Aaron is just in a partying mood? Although Alex is having trouble imagining Aaron having fun at a party, especially one being thrown by Laf and Maria. “I’ll think about it.”

-

When Alex walks into the classroom, Aaron isn’t there yet, so he tries to contain his nerves and excitement as he takes his seat. He’s just got his notebook out when he glances up and sees Aaron heading over, and Alex swears his heart flips over in his chest. He’s opening his mouth to greet Aaron, but then he gets closer, and Alex notices how tired he looks.

His movements are slow and choppy, like he has to think hard about what he’s doing. There are bags under his eyes, too, and when he smiles over at Alex, it doesn’t reach his eyes and all Alex can see is the tightness of his jaw and the exhaustion clear in ever line of his face.

“How was break?” Alex finally makes himself ask, waiting for Aaron’s response as he starts to get his own things out of his backpack. “You look tired. Too much partying?”

“I got back late,” Aaron says, apparently not picking up on Alex’s sarcasm. He stares down at his hands for a moment as he finishes getting his things out. Then he flicks his eyes over to Alex. “How was your break?”

“Well, you know about most of it. Nothing too exciting. Although Laf did threaten to pee in Angelica’s car because she told him we weren’t stopping at all on the way back to campus. We had to have an emergency exit off the highway.”

Aaron laughs at that. It’s a soft laugh, but his smile is a little brighter, so Alex allows for a feeling of happiness fill him up. He likes making Aaron laugh.

“Oh.” Aaron leans down suddenly, digging around in his backpack for something. “Before I forget. I promised you a present.” He straightens up again and then holds his hand out to Alex, dropping something smooth and round into his palm. “Like I said, nothing big.”

Alex looks down at the object in his hand, reading the letters that spell out,  _You have a right to your opinion, and I have a right to tell you how fucking stupid it is_. “Wow. I feel like I should be offended, but…this is true, so.” He pins the button to the front of his shirt, looking up to smile at Aaron, who is slowly starting to smile back, replacing the hesitant expression that had been on his face as he watched Alex look at the button.

“I just figured people should have a warning before talking to you, just in case they want to save themselves.”

“Fuck you,” Alex says, but he laughs and shakes his head fondly, fingers smoothing over the front of the button. He knows he’s smiling widely, probably too wide, but he can’t help it. Aaron got him a _gift_. He saw the button and thought of him. That has to be a sign, right?

Alex continues to stare at Aaron even after he looks away, even after Washington steps in and starts asking everyone how their breaks were before jumping straight into a lecture. Aaron is just so…everything Alex isn’t. He’s calm, put together, sure of everything that he’s doing. Alex has tried to be like that, but he just can’t. And he’s so drawn to Aaron because of how he handles things and how he never seems unsure. He’s confident, and Alex likes that. He wants to be more confident. He admires that about Aaron.

Alex chews on his pen as he remembers what John said about inviting Aaron out to the party. It would be a good idea. They still haven’t really hung out that much together, and time is limited since finals will be coming up soon. But how should he ask Aaron? Should he just ask? And should he ask Aaron to go with him specifically? Or is it too soon to try and go on a date? Alex has no idea, he’s no good at stuff like this.

Apparently his mind is so distracted by the idea of going on a date with Aaron that he doesn’t notice how long he’s not paying attention to the lecture, because before he knows it, Washington is dismissing them and Alex looks up to see Aaron already standing, looking down at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“You planning on sitting there for the rest of the day?”

Alex jumps up and starts to throw his things into his backpack. “Sorry, got distracted.”

“I could tell.”

“I-what?” Alex is panicking, thinking that Aaron had caught him staring, but Aaron just rolls his eyes.

“Calm down, Alexander. Everyone falls asleep during a lecture every now and then. Although it was impressive how long you were staring off into space. And you were starting to drool.”

“I think you need one of these buttons, too,” Alex mumbles, slinging his backpack on and scowling when Aaron chuckles at the comment. “Seriously, I’m gonna buy you one. We’ll have matching buttons.” He follows Aaron out of the classroom, still scowling, but then, as Aaron starts to walk a different way, Alex gives himself a small shake, reminding himself he still needs to ask. “Aaron, wait!”

Aaron turns at the sound of his name, and stops walking in order to allow Alex to catch up with him. “What?”

“I…” Alex pauses and licks his lips, trying to get the courage to ask Aaron, and then the words just start tumbling out. “Uhm, I don’t know if you know about this already, and have already decided not to go, but, uh, Laf and Maria are planning to throw this party on Friday, and Herc said they don’t mind, and you know, they’ve already started inviting a bunch of people and well, I’m going, and so naturally I’m just wondering if you’re going? Cause, you know, it would be fun and I just thought we could hang out there?” Alex swallows, noticing the weird way Aaron is looking at him. “I-I mean, we can hang out with other people, too! You know, with everyone! You and me can hang out with everyone there! Or…or not. Whatever. Bellamy will be there, too, and you know Bellamy, so.”

Aaron continues to stare, and he shifts on his feet and glances away for a moment. “I’m not that fun at parties,” he says slowly, looking back at Alex and shrugging. “I don’t like to drink that much, either. I get...weird, when I do.”

“Do you get crazy?” Alex jokes, smiling when Aaron rolls his eyes. “I mean, it’s fine. I don’t drink that much either. I just thought it might be fun.” He stops there and waits for Aaron to answer, chewing at his lower lip as Aaron seems to be thinking hard. The silence seems to stretch on for eternities, and Alex can feel his heart pounding.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” Alex grins and claps his hands together before he can worry about how over-enthusiastic that must seem. “Awesome! Okay, cool. Well, I’ll see you there then. I mean, I’ll see you earlier, too, like in class and whatnot. Okay. Right. I’m gonna leave now.”

“See you later,” Aaron says, giving Alex a weird look, but Alex sees the smile forming on his face before he turns around and starts to walk in the opposite direction.

As Alex starts walking to his next class, he knows that there's probably a new bounce to his step, but he doesn't care enough to feel self-conscious. All he cares about is that Aaron said yes to going to a party with him. That has to be sign that he's somewhat interested.

It has to be. 

-

Alex gets to the party early. He’d made a promise to Herc that he’d help set things up, and when he gets there, he sees that Peggy and Angelica are there as well.

“I see you got roped into helping out, too,” Peggy says when Alex goes over to her, grabbing a bag of chips to pour into a bowl. “I’m not usually super into big parties, but Laf seems so excited, I couldn’t say no.”

“I don’t think anyone can say no to Lafayette,” Alex points out, and they both look over to see Laf covered in streamers as he attempts to hang some up on the walls, singing at the top of his lungs as he does. “I tried to tell him I wanted to get work done before the party and couldn’t help with the set up, and I swear he was one second away from crying.”

“He told me he taught himself to cry on command” Peggy says in a whisper, and they both duck their heads as they laugh. “Are you excited for the party?”

“Sure,” Alex responds, trying to sound casual despite how excited really is. “It’ll be fun. Plus there will be a lot of people I like coming, so.”

“Everyone’s coming,” another voice cuts in, and Alex turns to see Maria flouncing over to them. “You haven’t experienced a party until you’ve been to one of mine.” She slings an arm around Peggy’s shoulders and grab a chip to eat. “I heard you even convinced Aaron to come.” She nods at Alex as she munches on the chip. “Impressive.”

“It wasn’t that hard,” Alex answers with a shrug, but he can feel himself smiling. “It’s not like he’d say yes if he really didn’t want to.”

“Please,” Maria snorts. “Aaron is the biggest pushover in the world. You could convince him to sell his soul to the devil if you tried hard enough.”

“I doubt that.”

“How long have you known Aaron?” Maria asks, taking another chip. “Trust me, that boy is a sweetheart, but that can bite him in the ass. He does things he doesn’t want to all the time because he’s too worried people will get upset with him if he says no.”

“He always seems so sure of himself,” Peggy says, and Alex points at her and nods his agreement.

“Right?” Alex takes a chip as well, leaning on the counter. “Like, he’s ridiculously put together.”

“Are y’all forgetting the library incident?” Maria asks, and Alex feels his face heat up as she fixes him with a glare. “One bad thing and he freaked. Aaron puts up a good act of being put together, I’ll give him that. But don’t assume that his life is perfect or that he has it easy.” She takes one last chip before wiggling her fingers at them in wave, walking over to Lafayette to help.

“She scares me,” Alex murmurs, and Peggy puts a hand to her mouth to hide her laugh. Alex smiles, too, but his mind is also stuck on what Maria said. Does he really not know Aaron that well? He feels like he does, he feels like he knows Aaron pretty well. He has to know him. He likes him, for fucks sake, how could he not know him?

The rest of the set up goes pretty quickly, and soon people are arriving, and about an hour later, Alex finds himself smushed into a corner of the room with John, Peggy, and Lafayette, all of them yelling over the music. Alex is cracking up at something John said when he feels a hand drop onto his shoulder, and he turns to see Aaron standing there.

He’s dressed in dark jeans and a button down, and to be honest, Alex feels like he might pass out, and he’s pretty sure that feeling has nothing to do with the amount of alcohol he’s had.

“Hey!” Alex shouts to Aaron, pulling him into a hug before he can think about it. But he pulls back quickly and runs a hand through his hair. “You came!”

“I said I would,” Aaron yells back, giving him a small smile, but Alex notices those same dark circles under his eyes from earlier this week. “I didn’t think it would be this crowded,” he continues, looking around and fidgeting slightly.

“Apparently Lafayette and Maria know everyone on campus,” Alex says, laughing as Aaron nods. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Washington showed up.”

“That’s an image I never wanted to think about,” Aaron says dryly, still looking around. Alex notices one of his hands rubbing over his jeans, his fingers tapping against his leg. “Hey, do you know if Bellamy is here yet?”

“Oh.” Alex looks around, not sure if he is. He also can’t help but feel a small stab of disappointment at the fact that Aaron already wants to go hang out with someone else. “I think I saw him with Herc earlier, as usual. They seemed…preoccupied, if you know what I mean.”

Aaron nods, looking disappointed himself. His fingers continue to tap against his leg, and his shoulders rise and fall heavily. “Right. I wanted to talk to him, but, well, I won’t bother him if he’s busy.” He looks back at Alex, his expression tight despite his second attempt at a smile. “I’m gonna go grab a drink.” He pushes past Alex before he can say anything else, and Alex watches him disappear into the crowd.

“You just gonna let your man walk away?” John teases from behind him, cackling when Alex spins around to punch him in the arm. “You should follow him,” he says, rubbing at his shoulder and still smiling.

But Alex only shrugs. “I don’t know, he seems weird tonight.”

“Aaron Burr? Weird? Ya don’t say.”

“Shut up, John.” Alex sticks his tongue out, and this time John is the one punching him in the arm. “I don’t know. He just seemed distracted. He wanted to talk to Bellamy.”

“Alex.” John slings an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. “You’re thinking too much. Drink more, and come have fun with me.” He grins and pulls Alex into the middle of the room where people are dancing in a tight clump. “C’mon, just for a little. Then I’ll help you find Aaron.”

Alex thinks he should say no, he should go find Aaron now, but then John is smiling widely at him, his face a little flushed, and all Alex can do is roll his eyes before allowing John to pull him even further into the clump of dancing bodies.

He’s not sure how long he dances; time is weird when you’re drunk. But eventually he’s pulling away from John, miming with his hands that he needs a break and some water. John nods and waves him away before turning to the boy beside him, pulling him into Alex’s now vacated spot.

Alex turns slowly, attempting to push through the crowds of people and find the kitchen. He weaves in and out, stepping on a few toes along the way, but eventually he makes it into a small clearing.

And that’s when he spots Aaron.

He’s sitting slumped in a chair near the corner of the room, a red cup in his hand, three others empty on the floor near his feet. His eyes are glassy and unfocused, staring at a spot on the carpet. Alex can see his lips moving, as if he’s speaking, but there’s no one around him listening.

Alex looks around the room, a strange sort of apprehension building up inside of them. He sees Bellamy a few feet away, but he’s caught up in talking to Herc and won’t even look away from their face. Alex watches a little longer, hoping Bellamy will at least glance up and see Aaron, but he doesn’t. Alex shifts his gaze, trying to spot anyone who is close to Aaron. But he sees no one. He doesn’t think Jefferson even came to this thing. Alex isn’t sure where the rest of their friends got to, either. The room is crowded, and Alex isn’t exactly sober enough to focus on finding them.

Instead he makes his way over to Aaron, going over in his head how Aaron had told him about how he hates getting drunk, how he hates letting himself slip out of control. So Alex stumbles over to Aaron and sits on the table in front of the chair, waiting until Aaron looks up to smile at him.

“How ya doin, Burr?” Alex asks, nudging Aaron with a foot. “Havin a good time? Looks like you are.” He nods at all the drinks around Aaron’s feet, his smile slipping a little when Aaron blinks up at him with a strangely blank face. “Aaron?”

“I’m…” Aaron’s voice is hoarse, like he hasn’t used it in a while. But he clears his throat. “Sorry, I’m fine. Just...” He raises his cup to his mouth, but Alex reaches out and wraps his fingers around Aaron’s wrist, stopping him.

“Maybe you’ve had enough,” Alex says gently, taking the cup from Aaron’s grasp with his other hand and setting it on the floor. He looks back up when Aaron jerks his wrist out of Alex’s grip. “Aaron…”

“I told you I wasn’t fun at parties,” Aaron mumbles, sounding angry and attempting to stand, but Alex pushes him back into the chair. Aaron sighs, already giving up and allowing Alex to keep in in the chair. He looks up at Alex, his head tilting to the side as he inspects his face. “Am I disappointing you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I,” Aaron points to himself, “disappointing you?” He points to Alex after that, a weird smile spreading across his face. “I disappoint everybody. It’s only a matter of time. Just ask _her_ , she thinks so, too.”

“Okay,” Alex says slowly, not knowing what's happening and deciding that he should get Aaron out of here. “Do you want to go h-”

“Where’s my phone?” Aaron asks, suddenly sounding panicked. He manages to stand up this time, swaying dangerously, and Alex leaps towards him in order to steady him, but Aaron pushes him away. “My phone…I need my phone!” He starts going into his pockets, and Alex watches, not knowing what to do, as Aaron pulls his phone out with shaking hands. “No calls...no calls.” Aaron starts to laugh, but the sound makes Alex’s stomach twist. "Why would there be, right? She never calls."

“Aaron, hey…” He reaches out, trying to get Aaron’s attention. He’s still not sure what’s happening, but he’s pretty sure it isn’t good. He notices the large crack going down Aaron’s phone screen as he reaches out for him. “Aaron, just sit back down.”

“No!” Aaron half-yells, stepping back from Alex and looking at him with wide eyes. “Just…leave me alone. That’s what everyone else does anyway.” Aaron laughs again, rubbing a hand over his eyes before looking back down at his phone. “That’s what she does all the time. She doesn’t care.” He steps closer to Alex after that, stumbling a little as he reaches his hands out to grip the front of Alex’s shirt. “Why doesn’t she care? Why doesn’t she-” He cuts off with a small groan, ducking his head and resting it against Alex’s shoulder.

Alex brings his hands up to grip Aaron’s arms, doing his best to keep him steady. He knows for sure now that he has absolutely no idea what is going on, and he really wishes he hadn’t had any of those drinks earlier. He looks over Aaron’s shoulders, trying to find someone, but now he doesn’t even see Bellamy anywhere. Trying to think of what to do, he pulls Aaron back a little to see tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Shit,” Alex mutters. “Okay, okay.” He squeezes Aaron’s arms, trying to calm him down with the gesture, but Aaron just groans again in response. “C’mon,” Alex tells him, taking a step back. “Let’s get you somewhere quiet, yeah? Get some water.” He tugs Aaron through the crowds of people, trying to remember where the bathroom is. He finds it a few minutes later and pulls Aaron inside, letting the door close behind them, shutting out some of the noise.

“Where are we?” Aaron asks, pushing himself away from Alex and leaning against the wall.

“The bathroom,” Alex says, trying to stay patient as he fills up a small cup of water from the sink. “At Herc and Laf’s place. That’s where we are, remember?” He turns to face Aaron, whose face is still wet with tears. “Here, drink this.”

“Do you know where she is?” Aaron whispers, ignoring the water Alex is offering and looking at him with pleading eyes. “I keep waiting, but nothing happens. Nothing. She’s nowhere and I-” Aaron puts both of his hands over his face, a choked sob escaping him and causing Alex to hastily put down the cup and walk over to him.

“Aaron, you have to calm down. I don’t understand what you’re talking ab-”

“I don’t know where she _is!_ ” Aaron cries out, his voice cracking. “I-I don’t-” His breath starts coming in short pants, and Alex starts to panic. “G-god, I don’t-I’m…” Aaron groans again, the worst sounding one so far, and Alex grabs his hands and pulls him over to the toilet.

“Are you going to throw up?” He waits for Aaron to answer, but the man just keeps making these painful sounds, his breathing uneven. Alex pushes Aaron to his knees and rubs at his back. “Aaron, please calm down. Take deep breaths.” Alex knows the advice is bad, but he’s pretty sure Aaron isn’t listening anyway. He keeps mumbling to himself, slurred words that Alex can’t understand.

“I miss her so much,” Aaron chokes out suddenly, his hands gripping the edges of the toilet seat. “And I hate it. She left me and I-” He stops again, his body shuddering, and then the sounds of dry heaving reach Alex’s ear.

“Oh god.” Alex stumbles backwards a little, pushing away the desire to run. He can’t leave Aaron, not like this. But he really, really does not like people throwing up. But he takes a deep breath and reaches out a hand to put it on Aaron’s back, trying to soothe him. “Okay, you’re okay.”

Aaron retches again, and Alex can feel his body shaking under his palm. He doesn’t know what to do. This isn’t normal, and he can feel himself starting to panic, which isn’t good. He wracks his brain for a solution, knowing that he needs someone else here, someone who can help Aaron, someone who-

“Jefferson,” Alex practically shouts, moving away from Aaron for a moment so he can dig into his pocket for his phone. It’s only once he’s halfway through typing Jefferson’s name into his contacts lists that he realizes he doesn’t have his number. Why would he? “Aaron, I need your phone.”

Aaron doesn’t make a response, his breathing heavy and quick. He doesn’t even make a sound when Alex dips his hand into his back pocket, slipping his phone out and quickly dialing Jefferson’s number. It rings and rings, and Alex curses when he doesn’t pick up. But he tries again, and on the third ring, Jefferson’s annoyed voice answers.

“Aaron, I can’t talk now, so-”

“It’s not Aaron,” Alex blurts out. “It’s Alex, you need to come to Herc and Laf’s place right now.”

“No,” Jefferson snaps back, sounding angry. “I’m busy. It’s a Friday night, and I can’t come running down to-”

“Something is up with Aaron,” Alex says, interrupting Jefferson again. “He drank a lot, and now-”

“It’s not my fault he got drunk. Just give him some water and let him lie down. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I-”

“JEFFERSON!” Alex’s last shred of patience snaps. “Shut up and fucking _listen_ to me, you idiot! He’s not just drunk, something is wrong with him!” He pauses as Aaron dry heaves again, a loud sob leaving him moments later.

“What’s wrong with him?” Jefferson asks, and Alex can hear concern leaking into his voice. “What do you mean?”

“He was crying before,” Alex starts to explain, putting his free hand back on Aaron’s back. “He keeps talking about some person who left, a girlfriend maybe?" Alex's stomach twists at that thought. "I don't know. But he keeps saying how he doesn’t know where she is and just a bunch of stuff I don’t understand. Listen, I’m not exactly sober and Aaron is freaking out and I’m freaking out and I don’t know how to help him, so you need to get your ass over here!”

There’s silence on the other end, and Alex bites at his lip, trying to think of another way to convince Jefferson when the man sighs into the phone.

“Give me five minutes. I’m actually pretty close.”

“What do I do till you get here?”

“Just stay with him. Try to get him to drink some water, put a cold washcloth on his neck. I’m hanging up now.”

Alex places Aaron’s phone on the counter, looking around for a washcloth to run under the water. Once he finds one and gets it wet, he goes back to Aaron. When he places it onto the back of his neck, Aaron jumps at the contact and turns his head to blink over at Alex, like he had momentarily forgotten Alex was there.

“Were you talking to her?” Aaron asks, hiccuping over his words. “Did you find her?”

“No,” Alex answers, still not knowing who Aaron is talking about. “That was Jefferson, he’s coming over. He’s gonna help you.”

Aaron turns away, more tears slipping down his cheeks. “Thomas. Thomas h-hates me. I messed up and he hates me. He disappeared. Everyone disappears.” He pauses there, taking in a few deep breaths through his nose. “I don’t feel good.”

“No shit,” Alex mutters, but he presses the washcloth harder against Aaron’s skin. “You’ll feel better soon, you just need to-” Alex cuts off when Aaron lurches forward, finally emptying some of the alcohol in his system into the toilet. And of course, that’s when Jefferson walks in.

“Jesus Christ,” Jefferson breathes out, closing the door and striding over. He pushes Alex out of the way, his nose scrunching up, but he kneels beside Aaron and starts to rub a hand up and down his back. “Aaron, you idiot.”

Alex opens his mouth to tell Jefferson that might not be the most encouraging thing for Aaron to hear right now, but then the man is looking up at Alex, his expression full of worry. “Has he said anything else?”

“Not really, he just-”

“Do you know where she is?” Aaron slurs up at Jefferson. “Did you find her? I can’t find her.”

“Find who, Aaron?” Jefferson murmurs gently, bending closer to Aaron.

“Sally,” Aaron whispers back, shivering a little. “Sally. I can’t find Sally. She left, and I can’t find her. It’s my fault and I-I c-can’t-“ Aaron lurches forward again, throwing up more of the contents inside of him.

Jefferson continues to rub at Aaron’s back, but Alex can see how tight his jaw is, and how tense the rest of his body is. Alex is about to ask what Aaron is talking about, who Sally is, but once again, Jefferson starts speaking first.

“You should go,” he tells Alex, not even looking at him. “Go back to the party, or go home. I can handle this.”

“But-”

“Hamilton, get out.” Jefferson turns his gaze to his, looking serious. “I can only handle one drunk person at a time, okay? I’m gonna get him cleaned up, and let him sleep at my apartment. He’ll be fine. So get out.”

Alex hesitates, not wanting to leave, wanting to understand evrything, but then Jefferson is standing up, looming over him with an angry expression. He grabs Alex by the shoulders and steers him towards the door. “Hey! Let go!”

“Don’t tell anyone about what Aaron said,” Jefferson instructs him, not listening to his request. “He wouldn’t want them finding out like that.”

“But I don’t even know what he-”

Before Alex can finish his sentence, Jefferson pushes him out of the bathroom, and slams the door shut. Alex knocks a few times, but the door remains closed, so he scowls and makes his retreat, bumping into John as soon as he turns the corner.

“Ooo,” John croons, smirking at him. “Coming back from one of the bedrooms? Did you find Aaron?”

Alex shakes his head, unable to even force a smile on his face. He’s starting to feel a little woozy, and a pain is building in his stomach, which is not a great companion for the building stupidity he’s also starting to feel.

“Alex?”

“Sorry,” Alex manages to say. “I, uh, I just realized that…” He pauses and shakes his head, not wanting to explain everything to John. He doesn’t want to explain that he messed up, that he, as always, was trying to make things go too fast. He doesn't want to explain how he had no idea how to help Aaron, that he had to call Jefferson, a guy he hates and a guy Aaron hasn't seen in weeks, to help. He doesn't want to explain that Maria was right, and that he was wrong.

He doesn’t know Aaron at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that probably didn't go down the way that Aaron wanted it to.
> 
> As for Alex, that also probably wasn't how he imagined the party to go lol. He's realizing that oops, he's still idolizing Aaron and creating an image of him that isn't the //real// Aaron. He also feels awful that he couldn't help him, and that he didn't realize something was wrong.
> 
> Next week, Aaron finally explains everything.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! :D Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation. Leave them here, or at my tumblr @ fanciful-follies or, if you want, send comments to both places.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, but it's the end of the angst for a little while, so I had to pack a lot in.
> 
> Enjoy! x

Aaron is drunk. Really drunk. But he registers vaguely in his mind that it must be a good thing that he at least knows he’s drunk. It means he’s not completely wasted.

God, he hasn’t been drunk in so long. Aaron grips the edges of the toilet he’s still leaning over as he thinks back to the last time. Maybe early freshman year was the last time. Him and Bellamy had gotten drunk together. The memory is blurry in his mind, but he remembers they danced together. Aaron laughs a little at the thought, and he thinks he hears someone sigh behind him.

He turns his head, even that small motion making him dizzy. There’s definitely someone there with him, but they’re blurry, which Aaron is frustrated at. Why are they blurry? They’re just a big, purple blur.

“Who’re you?” Aaron asks the blur, upset that his tongue doesn’t form the words like he wants. His mouth tastes bad, too. The blur shifts forward and puts a warm hand on the back of Aaron’s neck, turning him back towards the toilet.

“Someone who will be very upset if you throw up on them,” the blur tells him, sounding annoyed, which Aaron thinks is dumb. At least they aren’t throwing up. He’s the one who has to worry about that. “God, Aaron, what were you thinking?”

Aaron isn’t sure what the question is referring to, but he shrugs. “I don’t know.” He winces as a sharp pain hits his stomach, and he doubles over, trying to get more of the alcohol out of his system, but nothing happens. It takes Aaron a few moments to realize that the groans in the room are coming from him.

The hand on his neck squeezes again before leaving, and Aaron blinks when a cup of water is suddenly being shoved into his face.

“Small sips,” the blur tells him. “You need some water, Aaron. Drink.”

Aaron brings a hand up, frustrated by how shaky it is. But the blur’s hand stays on the cup, keeping it steady as both of them bring it to Aaron’s lips, tilting it so water runs across Aaron’s tongue and down his throat.

“That’s good,” Aaron hears himself murmur, taking another sip. “I like water.”

“Have some more, then.”

Aaron nods, thinking to himself that the blur has good ideas. They’re smart. They smell good, too. As the thought enters his mind, Aaron hears a chuckle, and he turns his head to narrow his eyes at the blur, which is slowly becoming less blurry the longer he looks at it.

“You’re the kind of drunk who says everything out loud,” the blur smiles, and Aaron blinks at it some more. He knows that smile. “Aaron, more water.” They tip the cup again, and Aaron swallows obediently. “I’m gonna take you home now, okay? We’re gonna-“

“No!” Aaron says quickly, backing away and dropping the cup of water onto the floor with his clumsy movements. “No, no, no.” He shakes his head and wraps his arms around his body. “No.” He won’t go. He doesn’t like that idea.

“Hey, hey.” The blur slowly moves over to him, speaking in a calm voice. “Aaron, what is it?”

“I don’t want to go home,” Aaron whispers, shaking his head harder. “Don’t make me go back. There’s…it’s not…I don’t like it there.”

“Not your home,” the blur say after a moment of silence, their tone slow and soothing. “My home. We’re gonna go to my place. Is that okay?”

Their place. Aaron thinks, unsure of what to say, trying to fit together all the pieces of what’s happening in his mind. “Do I like your home?”

“I think you do,” the blur responds, sounding amused. “Aaron, I don’t want to leave you alone. Will you let me take you to my apartment?”

“Yes,” Aaron says, uncrossing his arms and trying to stand. He sways immediately once he’s on his feet, but strong hands grip his arms, steadying him. Then an arm is wrapping around his waist, pulling him against a firm body. Aaron leans into it, inhaling. This person smells so nice, and they’re warm. They’re familiar. “Thomas,” Aaron murmurs, the body finally connecting with a face in his mind. He nuzzles against him and laughs. “Hi.”

“You are so drunk,” Thomas sighs, but he keeps his arm around him and helps walk Aaron out of the bathroom and back into the noise of the party that’s still going on. Aaron had forgotten about it. “C’mon. Do you have everything?”

Aaron shrugs in response, keeping his eyes closed. There are too many people and too many lights and voices. It’s all too much. He tries to just focus on keeping up with Thomas’s long strides. And then suddenly there is a cool breeze on Aaron’s face, and he opens his eyes to see that they’re outside. He blinks some more, the scenery before him fuzzy and moving in ways it shouldn’t.

“Is this your house?” Aaron slurs, looking up at Thomas just in time to see him rolling his eyes.

“Stop talking,” Thomas tells him, steering him towards his car and arranging Aaron so he’s in the passenger seat. He leans across him to buckle his seatbelt for him before pulling away and getting into the driver’s seat.

Aaron leans his forehead against the window, the glass cool against his skin. The motion of the car is making him feel nauseas again and he tries to get closer to the window, hoping that the coolness of it will make him feel better. It doesn’t.

“Are you going to throw up again?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron moans, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. He claws at the seatbelt, needing it off, but his hands are too uncoordinated.

“Hey, Aaron, stop! Sit still.”

“I want to get out.” Aaron pulls harder at the seatbelt. “I don’t like this. Thomas, I want to get out. I don’t want to be here, I just want to-” Aaron cuts off when he feels a hand take one of his, and that’s when he realizes that he’s crying.

He looks over at Thomas, who is peeking at him from the corner of his eye as he continues to drive. Aaron moves his eyes down to their connected hands, and for some reason that makes him cry even harder.

The sad thing is, with his mind being so scattered and confused, Aaron isn’t even sure why he’s crying in the first place. He remembers being upset, he remembers drinking to distract himself, remembers talking to someone in the bathroom, telling them things that he can’t remember now. And now he’s in the car with Thomas, clinging to his hand desperately and trying to catch his breath.

“Aaron…” Thomas starts, but Aaron shakes his head, wordlessly cutting him off. He can barely breathe right now, let alone talk things out. So Thomas squeezes his hand and continues to drive in silence while Aaron slowly regains control. By the time Thomas stops the car outside his apartment, Aaron has managed to reduce his crying to the occasional sniffle.

He unlocks his seatbelt immediately and stumbles out of the car, breathing in the fresh air in gulps and doing his best not to double over.

“Am I going to have to carry you inside?” Thomas’s voice asks from behind him, and Aaron slowly faces him, laughing a little at the image of Thomas carrying him bridal style into his apartment.

“I’m fine,” Aaron tells him. “Just...” He motions for Thomas to come closer, getting him to put an arm around his waist again. “Okay, I’m good. Just…don’t let me fall.”

“I won’t.” Thomas pulls him closer, tightening his grip, and then they start to walk. Aaron lets his eyes close again, trusting Thomas and allowing him to lead him inside.

Once they’re inside the apartment, Aaron slowly realizes that he hasn’t been here in a long time, not since the last time him and Thomas hooked up. That realization makes Aaron feel slightly queasy, and he sways in Thomas’s grasp.

Then Thomas pulls back, and Aaron opens his eyes to see the other man looking down at him. “What do you need? Are you till feeling sick? Or do you want something to eat? I could get a shower started for you.”

“Sleep,” Aaron mutters, wanting nothing more than to get under some warm covers and forget about everything. “I just want to sleep.”

“Water first,” Thomas tells him firmly, leading him to the kitchen and sitting him down at the table. “Just one glass, okay? Then you can crash.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, but complies. It’s not like he can say no to Thomas anyway, the guy is too goddamn stubborn. It’s annoying. He hears Thomas chuckle, and Aaron realizes with a twinge of embarrassment that he had been talking out loud again. He doesn’t like being drunk.

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t drink so much,” Thomas tells him gently, suddenly in front of him and holding a glass of water. He pushes it into Aaron’s hand. “Can you drink it yourself this time?”

Aaron scowls but takes the glass, bringing it to his lips and starting to take small sips. Before too long, the whole glass is empty, and Aaron’s mouth doesn’t taste as bad as earlier, and his tongue doesn’t feel as heavy. “Thank you.”

Thomas nods, taking the glass from Aaron and setting it down. Then he’s pulling Aaron back up and leading him into a new room, one with a bed that looks like the comfiest bed Aaron has ever seen.

“You smell,” Thomas says with a soft laugh. “Do you want to borrow some of my clothes?”

Aaron nods, shifting on his feet and watching as Thomas retreats, coming back moments later with some sweatpants and a shirt in his hand. Aaron looks down at them, and then at his own clothing. He blinks a few times, trying to build up the energy to change. But then Thomas chuckles and starts to unbutton Aaron’s shirt for him in quick movements.

Aaron watches him wordlessly, his eyes flicking back to the bed as older memories start to resurface. “Are we going to have sex?”

The hands on his shirt immediately jerk back, and Aaron looks up to see Thomas’s face twisted in an expression of pain. Aaron doesn’t understand the reaction, so he just stands there and waits for Thomas to explain.

“God, Aaron.” Thomas exhales shakily and takes a step back, running a hand over his eyes. “ _No._ I…I wouldn’t…Jesus.”

“Sorry,” Aaron says, still unsure of what he’s apologizing for. He looks back at the bed, and then over at Thomas, who is watching him with wary eyes. Aaron gestures at the bed. “We have sex there, and…” Aaron pauses, searching for the words in his mind. “And we used to do it a lot, but you haven’t talked to me in a while, so I just…I thought since you don’t want to be my friend anymore, that were just going to have sex, and then you would leave again.”

Thomas’s eyes are wide and searching after that, and Aaron shifts where he stands again, feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t mean to make things weird, his brain just isn’t working like it normally does. Aaron is about to try and speak again when Thomas takes a small step towards him, his hand stretching out slowly until it’s on Aaron’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas whispers, looking Aaron in the eyes before flicking his gaze away hurriedly. “I never meant to…to…” Thomas mouths wordlessly for a moment, but then he just shakes his head and slides his hand to Aaron’s back, pulling him into a hug as his other arm also wraps around Aaron.

Aaron leans into the embrace, resting his cheek on Thomas’s shoulder. He’s so tall. And strong. He’s squeezing Aaron tightly, making it almost uncomfortable, but Aaron continues to lean into him anyway, bringing his own arms up to wrap around Thomas, who he thinks he can feel shaking.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas repeats, his voice hushed. He squeezes Aaron one more time before pulling back, just staring down at him for a few moments.

“Hey…” Aaron reaches out and smoothes his hand down Thomas’s chest, meaning to tell him he has nothing to apologize for, but then he takes in the crisp blazer now under his fingers that his drunken mind hadn’t registered before. “You look nice. Why do you look so nice?”

“I always look nice,” Thomas responds with a small smile, but there’s no real effort behind the humor.

“Were you…were you on a date?” Aaron tugs at the blazer and sways a little as he looks back up at Thomas, who is giving him a concerned and wary look. “You were, weren’t you? You,” he pokes Thomas hard in the chest, “were on a date. And I messed it up.” He laughs at that. "As usual, right?"

“Aaron, hey.” Thomas catches his hand and squeezes it. “You didn’t ruin anything.”

“But you had to leave your date to come get me.”

“Yeah,” Thomas agrees, but then he grins. “But the date was going really well, so there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve got another one set up.”

“Oh.”

Thomas looks at Aaron for a moment, his lip between his teeth, but then he lets out a long breath and returns his hands to Aaron’s shirt, quickly pulling it off and handing Aaron the pajamas. “You, uh, you do the rest. I’m going to go change and then I’ll be back.”

Aaron nods, dropping the clothes and undoing his pants. He kicks them off, feeling wobbly but managing to stay upright with some effort. He gets the clean pajamas on and then climbs onto the bed, feeling as if his body is suddenly ten times heavier. He flops onto his stomach and hugs a pillow to his chest, already feeling more comfortable than he has in a while. Anything is better than his dorm bed.

“Glad to see you can still make yourself at home,” Thomas says with a snort, re-entering the room.

Aaron just moans in response, and he feels the bed dip as Thomas climbs on. Aaron scoots in order to give him more room, humming appreciatively when Thomas drapes a blanket over him. “You’re nice.”

“It’s just a blanket, Aaron.”

“Didn’t mean the blanket,’ Aaron mumbles, cracking open an eye to look at Thomas, who is lying on his side, facing him. “I meant everything. Everything you do is nice.”

Thomas hums lowly, his face growing sad suddenly. “I’m not sure about that,” he whispers, rolling onto his back. He picks at the sheet, twisting it in his hands, and Aaron waits, knowing that Thomas is trying to say something. “I didn’t mean to…to leave you. I just…I was embarrassed and…and I ran cause it was easier.”

“That’s okay.” Aaron reaches out slowly and places his hand on Thomas’s arm, drawing his eyes back to his. “It is. It’s okay.” He keeps his eyes on his hand which is still touching Thomas’s arm. “I missed you, though.”

Thomas makes a pained sound in his throat, and he puts his hand on top of Aaron’s. “God, Aaron, I missed you, too. And I’m so sorry.” His eyes look imploringly at Aaron’s. “I didn’t mean for it to seem like I was disappearing or…abandoning you.”

Aaron can’t help but flinch at that, some more memories from earlier that evening resurfacing. He remembers blurting things out about Sally. He had said so much. He knows that Thomas knows, or kind of knows, but he isn't ready. His thoughts are jumbled and his head hurts and he can't do this yet. But he still tries. “I…” That's all he gets out, everything else getting stuck in his throat.

“We can talk in the morning,” Thomas murmurs, shifting on the bed so he’s facing Aaron again. “Don’t think about it now, okay? Just sleep everything off.”

Aaron nods, feeling tears in his eyes again. He thinks that he won’t be able to sleep after everything, but the alcohol still has his mind foggy and his body heavy, so it’s surprisingly easy to just let his eyes close and allow sleep to overtake him.

-

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, his head is pounding, and his throat is dry.

He rolls over onto his back with a loud groan, throwing his arm over his eyes in an attempt to block out any light in the room. Now he remembers why he hates drinking so much. He feels like death.

“Good morning, sunshine,” a cheery voice greets him, and Aaron just groans again, ignoring the laugh he gets for it. “C’mon, I’ve got Advil and coffee for you if you get up.”

Aaron groans one last time before sitting up, kicking blankets off of him as he rubs his eyes. When he finally blinks them open, he sees Thomas standing at the edge of the bed, with coffee and Advil in his hands as he had promised. He hands both things to Aaron, and Aaron quickly swallows the pill as he takes a sip from the cup.

Thomas doesn’t say anything as Aaron continues to drink his coffee sip by sip, and Aaron knows that he’s waiting, waiting for Aaron to be the first one to talk. But Aaron still doesn’t feel like he’s ready. He’s scared of what’s going to happen once he starts, he’s scared of what’s going to come out.

“Aaron,” Thomas says after a few more minutes of silence, his voice gentle and quiet, like he’s talking to a spooked animal. “Listen, I think-”

“I know,” Aaron cuts him off, his voice hoarse. He takes another sip of coffee, wincing as it burns a little going down his throat. He fiddles with the cup a moment longer before setting it down on the bedside table. He rubs his hands on his sweatpants, trying to take a deep breath but failing. “Sally left,” he blurts out, not knowing how else to say it. “She left over the summer and I don’t know where she is.” His words hang in the air, and he waits as Thomas takes them in, his heart pounding.

“She left,” Thomas repeats slowly, watching as Aaron nods. “Why did she-”

“You know how my uncle is,” Aaron says quickly, thankful that he’s told Thomas about his family life before and doesn’t have to repeat it now. “He’s always…always pushing us, and Sally snapped. She just…” Aaron shrugs, everything moving too fast in his mind. “I heard them fight all the time over the summer, more than usual. She didn’t want to go back to college, but my uncle said that she had to, that she owes it to him or some bullshit like that.” Aaron pauses and wraps his arms around himself, squeezing. “And then one day I just woke up and she was gone.”

“And she hasn’t contacted you?”

“She’s tried to, I think.” Aaron looks away from Thomas and down at the carpet. “I’ve…been getting phone calls…” he pauses again, but hears Thomas make an encouraging sound. “No one ever answers when I pick up, though. But…over Thanksgiving I got a voicemail, my phone had died, and…”

“And?”

“And she’s fine,” Aaron finishes, his voice cracking. “She’s fine and she doesn’t want me to know where she is and-and she just fucking left and-”

“Aaron-“

“-and she just left me and I don’t…” Aaron bites his lip as he feels tears burning at the corners of his eyes. “I don’t understand why she did it, and I can’t find her, and I just…what the fuck is _wrong_ with me? What did I do? I don’t-” A sob escapes him before he can finish his sentence, and Aaron hunches over, bringing his hands up to cover his face.

“Okay,” Thomas murmurs, and Aaron can hear him walking over, and then there are arms wrapping around his shoulders and bringing him forward until his face is pressed against Thomas’s chest. “Okay, Aaron, it’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” Aaron chokes out, his voice muffled from being so close to Thomas. “She didn’t tell me where she is or anything and I h-hate it, I…I hate her for doing that and I don’t understand why she-” Aaron’s breath hitches in his throat and he squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t understand why she didn’t take me _with_ her.” He moves his hands to Thomas’s shirt, gripping the fabric tightly. “I don’t want to be here,” he admits in a whisper. “And I don’t want to go home. I don’t have anywhere to go.” He takes in a shuddering breath. “Why didn’t she take me with her?”

Thomas holds him tighter after that, but he doesn’t say anything, which Aaron understands. What is there to say? Thomas can’t answer any of those questions; he’s never even met Sally. But Aaron wishes Thomas knew the answer, he needs an answer. He needs to understand why Sally didn’t think to take Aaron with her. Why did she leave him behind?

Eventually Aaron calms down, his breathing becoming more steady, and he pushes himself away from Thomas, feeling suddenly embarrassed. Thomas must notice the shift, because he kneels down in front of Aaron and puts a hand on Aaron’s cheek, keeping his face towards him.

“Aaron,” Thomas starts, his voice firm. “I don’t have the answers you want. I can’t tell you why Sally did what she did, but I think I can tell you that she didn’t leave _because_ of you. She left because of the situation she was in, that you both are in, and…and maybe she didn’t know how to take you with her, maybe she was worried to take you with her. You said it was all sudden, right? So she didn’t have a plan, and she didn’t want to drag you into all of it.”

“I guess,” Aaron murmurs, despite the uncertainty he still feels. “But I…I’d rather be dragged into it then left here.”

Thomas’s expression looks pained at that, and he swipes a tear from Aaron’s cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I’m sorry you’ve been going through this alone. I should have noticed.”

“You did,” Aaron says with a shrug, sniffling. “You knew I was being weird, I just lied about why. And you…you shouldn’t have to notice, you shouldn’t have to worry about my problems. You should…you should be going on dates and…and be with someone who is good for you, not-” Aaron stops there, not able to finish the sentence, not able to say _‘not someone like me’._

“Hey.” Thomas brings his other hand up to cup the other side of Aaron’s face. “None of that, okay? Anyone would be lucky to have you.” Thomas gives him a small smile. “I know that more than anyone, and I know now that having you as a friend is just as good as anything else.” He leans forward, hesitating a moment before pressing his lips to Aaron’s forehead.

Aaron’s eyes flutter shut at the touch, and he lets out a quick, soft sob before moving and throwing his arms around Thomas’s shoulders, holding him close for a few moments. He knows what Thomas just said is an apology. More than that, it’s a peace offering. It’s Thomas telling him that he’ll be there for Aaron in any way he can.

“Thank you,” Aaron whispers, pulling back and wiping at his eyes. He does feel like a load has been lifted off of him, but he also feels weird, not quite embarrassed, but weird. “I, uhm, can I use your shower? I need to…” He doesn’t want to admit that he just wants to escape everything for a moment and be alone, but Thomas seems to know, because he nods and Aaron jumps to his feet. But before he opens the bathroom door he pauses and turns back to Thomas, who has his phone out. “Thomas?” Aaron starts. “I’m, uh, I’m happy for you, you know, for…for finding James.”

“Oh.” Thomas blinks over at him, looking surprised, but then he smiles. “Thank you.”

Aaron nods before slipping into the bathroom, shutting the door with a long sigh. He strips out of the borrowed clothes and steps into the shower, jumping when he turns the faucet on and cold water hits his skin.

He just lets the water run over him, not really washing himself off as much as just standing under the spray. He does feel better, or at least he thinks he does. There is a sense of relief inside him, relief at knowing he doesn’t have to pretend everything is perfect anymore. Or at least he won’t have to pretend once everyone knows; he has only told Thomas so far.

Aaron groans at the thought, not sure that he can have that conversation multiple times, or tell everyone at once. It all seems too intimidating, too exposed. Aaron doesn’t want to break down in front of everyone. He didn’t even want to break down in front of Thomas or – _shit._

Aaron brings his hands up to turn off the shower, his mind racing again. He’d forgotten that Alexander had been the first to find him at the party, that he had probably said things to Alexander about Sally, too. Aaron groans again, embarrassment flowing through him sharply. Alexander must think he’s a mess.

Aaron steps out of the shower and grabs a towel, rubbing his skin dry as he thinks. He’s not sure what the next step is. Does he tell more people, or ask Thomas to just keep it between them and hope Alexander forgets? Panic is starting to settle in. Aaron isn’t sure how anyone else will react. He does know that he doesn’t want a constant flow of questions or pity from any of his friends. He just wants to move on, if he can at all.

When he walks back out into the bedroom, Aaron’s opening his mouth to say something to Thomas when a yelp escapes him instead as something smashes against him, stealing his breath away and crushing his body in a hug.

“Bellamy?” Aaron croaks out once he’s gotten over the initial shock. His friend pulls back, his face streaked with tears. “What are you-”

“Thomas called me,” Bellamy tells him, putting his hands on Aaron’s shoulders. “Or, well, I called him last night after Alex found me and told me that something happened, and Thomas called me back just a few minutes ago and he told me everything and then I got in my car and now I’m here and he left to give us some privacy and time to talk…and…” Bellamy trails off and wraps Aaron in another bone-crushing hug. “I’m so _sorry._ ”

Aaron sighs as he puts his arms around Bellamy in return, wanting to be mad at Thomas for telling him, but knowing deep down that this is good. It’s good Bellamy knows. Aaron is tired of keeping everything a secret. And he's grateful Thomas took the initiative so he didn't have to, knowing that he might never have unless pushed.

“You don’t need to tell me all of it again,” Bellamy murmurs, releasing Aaron of that fear as well. “Thomas filled me in, but I…” He pulls back to look down at Aaron, his expression turning guilty. “Aaron, I’m so sorry I didn’t notice something was wrong, I’m so stupid and selfish and-”

“Bellamy,” Aaron groans, not wanting to have this conversation again either. “This isn’t your fault! This isn’t anyone’s fault but mine, okay? _I_ didn’t tell anyone.”

“I’m your best friend,” Bellamy argues, looking upset. “I’m your best friend, and it’s part of my job to know these things. Aaron.” Bellamy shakes him a little, his eyes watery. “You can always talk to me, you know that, right? Always. About anything. If you murder someone you can tell me and I won’t fucking care because you’re my _best_ friend. I’d do anything for you. Anything.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Aaron says with a smile, but there’s a lump rising in his throat, and he can feel his own eyes watering. He takes in a shuddering breath. “Can we…can we just…not talk about it right now? I’m…just-”

“That’s fine,” Bellamy interrupts, and Aaron can already see his mind working through other topics to talk about. “Thomas said we could hang out here as long as we want. I think he thought that you would be too upset to leave, but little did he know my amazing cheering up capabilities. We can go somewhere, if you want though? Like shopping, that cheers people up. Or we could do laser tag? I feel like there’s totally a laser tag place around here, or-”

“Bellamy,” Aaron cuts in with a laugh, slapping his friend on the shoulder in order to get him to stop the endless flow of words. “I’m fine staying here for a little.”

“Okay!” Bellamy agrees cheerfully, bounding over to the bed and beckoning Aaron over. “We’ll stay here then. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Thomas’s place. I mean, I know you have, obviously because-oh! I didn’t mean that in a judgmental way, it’s cool that you guys had a casual thing and-hey! Oh man, you guys didn’t…” Bellamy gestures to the bed, looking like he’s about to get off of it, and Aaron laughs.

“Calm down, Bell.” Aaron climbs onto the bed and sits cross-legged on top. “We didn’t sleep together. We haven’t in a while.” Aaron hesitates a moment before shrugging in what he hopes is a casual manner. “He’s dating Madison now.”

“Oh.” Bellamy leans back onto the bed, his eyebrows raised. “Interesting. That’s an odd couple.”

Aaron shrugs again, still not sure what he thinks of the relationship. But that’s honestly another topic he wants to avoid. “What are you going to do for winter break?” He asks Bellamy, hoping that will lead to a better discussion.

“OH!” Bellamy shouts as he sits up, making Aaron jump. “I’m gonna stay here with Herc for the first week or so, and then I’m going back home. Herc and I are gonna have like, our own little Christmas party.” Bellamy’s face grows red at that, but he smiles brightly at Aaron. “I’m excited. Hey!” His face lights up and he leans towards Aaron. “You should stay, too! We can all have a little party together!"

“I don’t know,” Aaron mumbles, picking at the bed sheets. “I don’t know if my uncle would let me. It costs money to stay over break and then he’d think I’m just messing around and-”

“Screw your uncle,” Bellamy snaps, his expression turning dark immediately. “I’m serious, Aaron. What do you want to do? Do you want to go home, or do you want to stay here?”

Aaron swallows, his nerves bubbling under his skin. “Here,” he admits. “But my uncle-“

“I’ll deal with your uncle,” Bellamy tells him firmly. “He’s always liked me, and I’ll take care of it. I’ll tell him I’m staying here all of break, and that I want you to stay with me and help me plan out my future or some shit like that. I’ll tell him you want my help getting ahead for next semester, he’ll eat that up real fast. Just trust me.”

Aaron nods, although he’s not sure if his uncle will fall for that or not. It’s possible. Aaron just knows he’ll try anything if it means not having to spend a month back home without Sally. He barely lasted a week last time. He knows he'd go crazy if he went back.

“Hey, Aaron?” Bellamy voice is soft and tentative, and when Aaron glances over at him, his eyes are watery again. “Can I just…is Sally...is she okay?”

Aaron nods again, his throat tight. “Yeah,” he breathes out, trying to give Bellamy a reassuring smile. He’d forgotten that Bellamy grew up with Sally, too, that he must be worried about her. “She’s…safe. She sounded happy when she left a voicemail.”

Bellamy’s expression flickers, going from relieved to confused, and then to angry in a matter of seconds. He opens his mouth to say something, but then he catches Aaron’s eyes and closes his mouth, expression going guilty again. “Okay. That’s…that’s good.”

Aaron knows Bellamy wants to say more, to ask more, but he stays silent, and Aaron gives him a grateful smile. He knows he’ll need to tell Bellamy more later, he owes it to both of them, but for now, he just wants to sit with his best friend and make ridiculous winter break plans.

-

Things get a little better after that day.

Aaron asks Bellamy if he’d be willing to tell the rest of their friends, feeling too awkward to do it himself. At first he’s ashamed to ask Bellamy, feeling like a coward, but Bellamy quickly agrees, and Aaron’s chest gets a little less tight knowing he won't have to do it. Maybe he’s being selfish, but he can’t help it. He thinks that he deserves to be a selfish during this.

It’s Sunday night when there’s a soft knock at the door, and Aaron goes to answer it immediately, thinking that it’s Bellamy. But he has a moment of surprise when he sees Alexander standing there, his hands shoved into his pockets.

“Hey,” Aaron says, regaining his senses. He clears his throat, remembering the last time they had seen each other, remembering that Bellamy must have told him everything, too, since Alexander is a part of their friend group now. Aaron wonders if that’s why Alexander is here, to ask more questions. “Uhm-”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing,” Alexander blurts out, and then he winces. “I mean, not…Bellamy mentioned that we shouldn’t ask you about it, or-“ Alexander cuts off and curses under his breath, looking frustrated. “I know I just mentioned it but I…I don’t know.” Alexander hunches his shoulders and looks down at the ground. “I just wanted to see you, or whatever.”

“Oh.” Aaron isn’t sure what to say. He hasn’t seen anyone else besides Bellamy and Thomas after his secret came out. He’d wanted a few days to collect his thoughts and to steel himself for being around his friends now that they all know everything. He hadn’t expected Alexander to be the first person he saw. But he's kind of glad he's the first one. “I’m fine,” he says slowly, smiling a little when Alexander looks back up at him. “Did…did you want to come in?”

“I don’t want to bother you,” Alexander says in a rush, his face flushing for some reason. “I…” He pauses again and swallows before shaking his head and laughing. “I don’t know. I just wanted to see you.” He looks at Aaron for a beat, his eyes roaming over his face, and then he looks away quickly. “And now I have, and I’m being weird and I’m sorry. So I’ll just…” Alexander points behind him, and starts to turn.

“Wait,” Aaron calls, stepping forward, needing to say something. “I…I wanted to say thank you.”

“Thank you?”

“For helping me at the party,” Aaron clarifies, pushing past the embarrassment he feels at the memory. “I’m…just thanks, for finding me and…and for calling Thomas.”

Alexander just shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “It was clear I wasn’t going to be much help, so I knew I needed to get someone else there. I was pretty much useless.”

“You did help,” Aaron tells him firmly, needing to get that across for some reason. “I’m glad it was you.” The words surprise him, but he finds that they’re true. He is glad Alexander was the one who found him first. He trusts Alexander. “I mean, imagine if it had been Lafayette,” Aaron continues in a light tone, wanting to move past the weirdness of his realization. “Who knows what he would have done.”

Alexander laughs at that, his expression becoming amused. “A mystery better left unsolved, I think.” He gives Aaron another small smile, taking a step back. But then he pauses, and looks at Aaron more seriously. “I, uh, I don’t know how much you remember from that night, but…”

Aaron bites at his lip as Alexander pauses, worried about what he’s about to say. What had he done? “I…not too much, I guess. Bits and pieces. Why?”

“You…” Alexander sighs and rubs at the back of his neck. “You just…said something weird, about...you wanted to know if…I don’t know, if what you were going through was disappointing to me or something?” Alexander stops there and just stares, like he thinks Aaron will clear up the strangeness of that idea. 

“Oh.” Aaron rocks back on his heels, unsure of what to say. He doesn’t remember saying that. But he thinks he does remember Alexander looking down at him with some sort of weird expression in his eyes, one that had caused Aaron to panic in the moment. “I don’t-”

“I just wanted to tell you that you didn’t,” Alexander tells him quickly. “You didn’t disappoint me or…or whatever. I’m…what happened didn’t change anything, or at least not that.”

“So it changed something?”

“Just…” Alexander shifts on his feet, and then he laughs, his cheeks flushing a little more. “You don’t need to worry about it. I just wanted to let you know that I never meant for you to feel like you had to worry about disappointing me. You shouldn’t care about that.”

Aaron nods slowly, not sure if he understand this conversation completely. He watches Alexander in silence for a moment, and then he notices Alexander is wearing the button he got him over break, and he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his lips. “Well, I do care,” he says softly, noting with amusement how that seems to surprise Alexander. “We’re friends, right? I care about your opinion of me.”

“Oh,” Alexander squeaks out, his own smile breaking across his face before he looks away, looking strangely satisfied. “Well…it’s…it’s a good opinion, so, yeah, you still don’t need to worry.”

"I'm glad," Aaron murmurs, surprised again at the immense relief he feels at Alexander's words. "Well, I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Yeah," Alexander breathes out, still smiling. "I'll see you in class."

Aaron watches his retreating figure for a few moments before closing the door and leaning against it. He hadn't been sure how Alexander would react to everything since he had just met Aaron a few months ago. Aaron thought that maybe he would just distance himself, not wanting to get involved, but instead he was the first person to come check on Aaron which is...

Which is what?

Not weird, exactly, that's not what Aaron feels. Just...unexpected? Everything about Alexander is unexpected, though, Aaron thinks to himself with a smile. It was unexpected that Alexander is the one who got to Aaron first at the party. It was unexpected that he knew what to do, who to call. It was unexpected that he cares so much about what Aaron thinks, about what Aaron thinks _he_ thinks about Aaron. Why had Alexander wanted to clear that up so much?

Aaron sighs as he walks over to his bed, flopping down onto it and not caring that it's only nine pm. He's tired. He's been tired for so long. He's not sure how things are going to turn out, but he feels for the first time in a long time that it'll all be a little easier now.

The last thing in Aaron's head before falling asleep is the image of Alexander standing there in his doorway, that ridiculous button pinned onto his shirt as he fumbles through his words, a blush on his cheeks. Aaron isn't sure why that image makes him smile, but he falls asleep with a warmth in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F I N A L L Y Aaron told everyone and is getting some of the love and help he deserves. Tune in next week for finals freakouts ft. Alexander and a surprise decision about winter break shenanigans. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation! Leave them here or at my tumblr @fanciful-follies!
> 
> :D


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO. Finally. Another chapter. Sorry for the lateness of this one.
> 
> I also remember someone telling me the Princeton has finals after the holidays? But...I didn't like that with my story lol so they are before winter break.
> 
> Enjoy! x

It’s finals week.

Or as Alex likes to call it, how many "freak outs can he have in such a small amount of time?" week. His highest number was five freak outs. And that was just in high school. He’s expecting at least double that for his first semester of college. And of course now he’s pre-freaking out about his incoming freak outs. So all in all, he’s freaking out.

“How do I even study?” Alex asks Peggy, who has her face shoved into one of her textbooks. They had gotten to the library about two hours ago, but Alex had barely gotten anything done. He’s feeling too antsy. He'd tried studying with John earlier, but they had both just joked around and gotten distracted. “Like, do I just re-read my notes? I mean, I’m not a math major so I can’t like…do practice problems or anything.” Alex taps his pencil against the table, twisting a strand of hair around his finger as he thinks. “But then my eyes get all watery if I read too much, so re-reading my notes is really tiring. And like…what if I read the _wrong_ notes? Then I just wasted valuable study time. Or what if-“

“Alex.” Peggy slams her book down, making him jump and stop his stream of questions. “Listen.” Peggy takes a deep breath and turns towards him in her chair. “You’re freaking out. I get it. I am, too, okay? I promise. Finals are scary, but you’re gonna do fine. Great, probably. Don’t you have straight A’s?”

“I guess,” Alex grumbles, not bothering to tell her that if he fails all his finals his straight A’s won’t help him. His grade point average could still plummet, which means he can say goodbye to his scholarship.

He needs to keep a 3.5, and while sure that sounds completely doable and not at all hard, it’s causing panic to rise up inside of him. Throw in a two or three B's and he’ll be pretty close to a 3.5 or below. He can’t let that happen, he _can’t_. There’s no way he can pay the tuition without the help from his scholarship. And he's worked so hard to get here, to get into this college, he can't let that opportunity slip by because he didn't study enough.

“I just don’t want to screw up,” Alex murmurs, twisting his hands together. He takes in a long, shaky breath. “I don’t want to _be_ a screw up.”

Peggy gives him a sympathetic look and reaches out to take one of his hands, squeezing it gently. “Hey, you are a lot of things, Alexander Hamilton. But a screw up? Definitely not.” She winks at him before growing serious. “Seriously, Alex, you’re gonna be fine. This week is gonna suck, but you’ll get through it.”

“Yeah,” Alex says with a sigh, taking his hand back so he can run it through his hair. “Yeah, I will. Thanks, Pegs.” He smiles at her, but once she turns back to her book, his smile slips.

He just doesn’t feel ready for any of this. He feels like he’s going to mess up. He can’t shake the feeling that his entire educational career is hanging on this finals week. If he fails his classes, not only will his scholarship be threatened, but he’ll have to take the classes again at some point to make up the credits. And if he has to do that, then that pushes his graduation back, meaning he’ll be even further behind than he already is. What if he doesn’t graduate until he’s like…thirty?

“Peggy,” Alex whispers, feeling his eyes grow wide. “What if I don’t graduate until I’m thirty?” He watches as Peggy’s shoulders rise and fall in a slow sigh. Then she glares at him from behind her book.

“If you don’t let me study, I will personally make sure you _never_ graduate from this school.”

Alex pouts, but he stays silent, allowing Peggy to return to her own studying. He knows he's being annoying, but he can't help it. He tries to focus on his notes, but his handwriting is illegible in some parts, and this causes frustration to start to bubble under his skin. After about ten more minutes, Alex scowls and shoves his notes into his backpack before standing up.

“I’ll see you later,” Alex grumbles out to Peggy, and then he leaves the library, trying to refrain from running. He doesn’t want to look like he’s freaking out to everyone else. He needs to calm down.

But not even the walk back to his dorm calms his nerves. Usually the long walk and the fresh air will distract him or make his mind and muscles relax. But this time the wind is too sharp against his skin, and the yells and voices of people clearly not studying just make him more frustrated. Maybe being back in his room will make him feel better.

“I’m freaking out,” Alex announces as he walks into his room, throwing his bag onto his bed before flinging himself down next to it. That’s when he looks up at the bed across from his, expecting to see Bellamy staring back with a sympathetic expression, but instead it’s Aaron, looking up from his phone with a slightly startled expression.

“Oh,” Alex says, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as he scrambles into an upright position. “Sorry, I-I thought you were Bellamy. But you’re not, clearly, cause you’re you.” He curses himself silently after that. Why is he always so stupid around Aaron?

Aaron opens his mouth to say something, but then he just lets out a short laugh instead and shakes his head. “You’re something else, Alexander.”

“Thanks,” Alex mutters, not feeling like that was exactly a compliment. He fidgets on his bed for a moment before unzipping his backpack and pulling his notes back out, determined to study this time. But he only makes it around five minutes before he’s crumpling the paper in his hands as anger and anxiousness start to overwhelm him. “Is Bellamy coming back soon?” Alex asks, really needing him here. Bellamy has such a calming personality. He balances well with Alex.

“He didn’t really say,” Aaron answers with a shrug of his shoulders. “He just told me to wait here for him.”

Alex nods. Aaron has been in their room a lot lately. Alex is pretty sure it has to do with everything that came out about Aaron’s family. Now Bellamy is making sure that he always has Aaron in sight in case he needs something. Aaron acts like it’s annoying, but Alex always sees the small smile on his face whenever Bellamy isn’t looking at him or is taking a momentary break from showering him with affection.

Alex has done his best not to probe into whatever is going on with Aaron. He knows the barest of details from Bellamy told them all in hushed tones a few days ago. He knows Aaron’s sister is gone and that for some reason she isn’t telling Aaron where she is, which seems like a pretty shitty thing to do, but Alex is trying not to comment on all of it. He’s avoided talking to Aaron about it entirely, especially since he usually says something stupid around Aaron when it _isn’t_ a sensitive topic. Plus Aaron has seemed happier lately, and Alex doesn't want to mess that up.

He’s just trying to take things a little slower with Aaron. He knows from their conversation a little bit ago that Aaron was grateful for everything Alex did for him at the party, but Alex still can’t shake the feeling that he should have been able to do more, he should have noticed more, he should have seen that Aaron wasn’t just some role model Alex had created in his mind with nothing affecting him. Alex can just be so self-absorbed sometimes. He wants to get to know Aaron, the real Aaron. He’s just a little lost as to how to go about that.

“Do you need him for something?” Aaron asks, breaking Alex out of his thoughts. “Bellamy? I could call him for you?”

“No,” Alex says quickly, not wanting to make it seem like his issue is that urgent. “No, I’m just…” Alex gestures at the notes that are scattered across his bed, sighing as he does.

“Freaking out about finals?” Aaron finishes, giving Alex a sympathetic look when he nods. “Yeah. I get it.”

“Yeah,” Alex mutters, crossing his legs on his mattress as he starts to pick at the seam of his jeans. He knows that everyone else is dealing with the stress of finals week, too, but for some reason he just feels like he’s stressing out more, or in a different way, or in the wrong way, if that’s even possible. He doesn’t know how to explain it. But he doesn’t like it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aaron asks lightly, and when Alex looks over at him, he’s staring politely down at his own hands, like he knows the question will make Alex self-conscious. The guy is observant.

Alex shrugs, biting at his lower lip as he lets out a drawn out sigh that brings Aaron’s eyes to his face. “I don’t know,” he says after a brief pause. He doesn’t even know where to start, or _how_ to start. He doesn’t want to complain or sound like a baby, or blabber like he usually does and sound like an idiot. He doesn’t want Aaron to think he’s stupid. But then again, maybe Aaron, the real Aaron, not the intimidating figment Alex has in his mind, wouldn’t ever think that about him.

“Alexander?” Aaron probes when he continues to stay silent, and Alex takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to respond, but then the door is banging open, making both of them jump and turn towards it.

“I have pizza!” Bellamy exclaims has he walks in, balancing two boxes of pizza in his arms. “If I’m going to stay awake and study, I need sustenance! And I know how much pizza you can eat, Aaron, so I figured we’d need at least two and I – oh!” Bellamy trips over his own feet when he spots Alex, depositing the pizzas onto his bed beside Aaron. “Alex! You’re back! Great, you can have some, too!”

“Oh, I, uh…maybe.” Alex blinks at Bellamy as he bounces around the room, grabbing paper plates from one of his shelves. He hadn’t really planned on wasting valuable study time with pizza. Especially not with Bellamy and Aaron. Bellamy is distracting enough as it is, but add Aaron into the mix with his face and his laugh and his everything, and Alex will never get anything done.

“Come on!” Bellamy pushes, smiling over at him. “Herc is gonna come, too! Oh, it can be like a double date!”

Alex lets out a small squeak at that, but Aaron just rolls his eyes and grabs a piece of pizza from the box. “Drop the double date thing, Bell, no one is ever going to go on one with you and Herc.”

“But why?” Bellamy whines, taking a slice as well and squeezing onto the bed beside Aaron with a pout. “We’re fun!

“You are,” Aaron agrees slowly. “But you’re also…you guys are just…” He trails off and glances over at Alex, clearly asking him to help him out with this one.

“You guys are kind…disgustingly cute?” Alex offers, receiving a nod from Aaron and a bigger pout from Bellamy. “Plus you two make out like nobody’s business, no matter where you are.” He grins when Aaron lets out a loud laugh at that, feeling his stomach flutter a little.

“Hey!” Bellamy whines, slapping Aaron on the arm. His face is tinged with pink, and he glares at Alex. “That is not true!”

“It is one hundred percent true,” Aaron says with another laugh, winking at Alex who hopes his second squeak isn’t as loud. “I walked back from class with the two of you and you made out the entire time. That was fifteen minutes back to Herc’s apartment. You two didn’t even stop to breathe. Or to look when crossing the street.”

“I like to live in constant danger,” Bellamy says dryly, his face lighting up when Aaron laughs loudly at that. “See, you like me. Herc likes me. A double date would be perfect, even if you only _kind of_ like Alex!”

“Hey!” Alex says indignantly from his spot on the bed, feeling his cheeks heat up again when Aaron looks at him with an appraising expression. “Aaron got me a button, it’s clear he more than kind of likes me.” He feels his heart leap in his chest at the tease, but he hopes it come across as more casual than it makes him feel.

“That’s true,” Aaron agrees, smiling at Alex for a moment before turning back to Bellamy. “We’re practically engaged, now, after that.”

“So we can go on a double date?”

“No.”

Bellamy groans and flops further onto the bed with a dramatic flail of his arms, almost hitting Aaron with the slice of pizza in his hands. Alex shakes his head with a smile as he stands up, gathering his things and placing them back into his backpack. He should go and study some more, just to get a few more things memorized.

He slings his backpack over his shoulder and steps around Bellamy’s bed, rolling his eyes at Bellamy’s whining voice still trying to convince Aaron to go on a double date. He’s just made it out the door when he hears it open behind him.

“Alexander, hey!”

Alex turns back to see Aaron walking over to him, and he pauses, raising an eyebrow as Aaron gets closer. “Yeah?”

“Come to my room tomorrow to study,” Aaron tells him with a small smile. “We can go over stuff for Washington’s class. I definitely am not prepared for that one.”

“Oh, I-" Alex cuts of and just gapes for a second, the invitation taking him by surprise. Aaron has never invited him over before. “Are…are you sure? I haven’t…I haven’t gotten around to studying for that final yet and I don’t want to slow you down.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want you to come.”

“Right.” Alex nods, laughing a little. He forgets how blunt Aaron can be when he wants to. “Then yeah, sure. That would be awesome. If…if you’re _sure_.”

Aaron just rolls his eyes at that, taking a step back toward the dorm room door. “Come around seven.”

Alex nods again, watching as Aaron disappears back inside the room. And then he turns and starts to walk, a small smile playing on his lips and a warm feeling rising in his chest that he chooses to not look too much into, not right now. He makes it back to the library quickly, spotting Peggy in the same place as before.

He approaches her, noticing that her feet are now resting on his vacated chair. She looks up at him slowly when he pauses by the edge of the table. Alex gives her a sheepish smile. “I’ll be quiet this time, I promise. Please?”

Peggy slowly moves her feet from his chair, allowing him to sit down, and Alex thanks her with a quiet, appreciative glance before taking his notes out, determined to do better this time.

-

The next night, Alex knocks on Aaron’s door a few minutes before seven, feeling just a little nervous at the idea of spending time alone with him. But his anxiousness over finals are overpowering those fluttering nerves, and he’s definitely more focused on getting a good study session out of this meeting than anything else.

The door opens a few seconds later, and Aaron greets him before stepping back to let Alex in. As soon as the door closes, Alex flings his backpack down and starts to rummage through it.

“So,” he starts, “I studied for like…seven hours today already so I definitely think I’m ready to talk this through with you. I mean, I’m definitely still freaking out that Washington said the final will just be one long essay topic about anything we’ve learned this semester. Like how do you prepare for that, right?” Alex straightens up, glancing over at Aaron who is looking back with an amused expression. “What? Why is that funny? Is that not Washington said the final is on? Oh, god, have I been studying for his final all wrong? Have I-“

“Alexander!” Aaron interrupts, laughing a little as he holds up a hand to stop Alex from continuing. “You’re right, don’t worry.” He pauses there and just continues to look at Alex for a few moments, but then he laughs again and walks over to his desk, rummaging around until he turns back with a small box in his hand. “But we aren’t going to study right now.”

“What?” Alex stares at Aaron in confusion. “What do you-“ he cuts off when Aaron waves the box at him, and Alex is able to make out the words on the front that spell out _750 piece puzzle_. “I think I’m hallucinating,” Alex starts slowly. “You want to do a puzzle with me? Why?”

“Do you trust me?”

“I don’t know,” Alex says, narrowing his eyes at Aaron. He's having a hard time processing all of this. “Are you like, trying to get me to fail? Aaron, I really need to study more.”

“I really don’t think you do,” Aaron tells him gently, sitting down on the floor and opening up the puzzle box. “Seven hours of studying is a lot for one day, Alexander. Take a break.”

Alex huffs out an impatient breath at that. “I can’t take a break, okay? I…” Alex grits his teeth and heaves out a frustrated sigh. “Aaron, I have to keep studying. I don’t know _anything_.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Alex groans and allows himself to sit down on the floor so he can glare at Aaron with the full effect. “Seriously, I do not have time to do a stupid…” Alex trails off as he grabs the box. “Oh my god, a stupid dog puzzle! Aaron, c’mon. Be serious.”

“I’m always serious,” Aaron says with a straight face as he holds Alex’s glare with one of his own. “Are you really going to reject the suggestion of a prodigy?”

“Will you ever let that go?”

Aaron laughs at that, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a way that makes Alex tear his eyes away from his face, his own heating up a little. Aaron has a nice laugh. A really nice laugh. “Just…trust me,” Aaron tells him, gesturing at the puzzle pieces scattered in front of them. “I know this looks weird, but it works.”

“Works?”

“It will calm you down.”

“I am perfectly calm,” Alex says stiffly, scowling when Aaron laughs even louder at that. “I’m fine now, I swear! I’m on a roll with studying and I just need to keep going. Washington’s shit is crazy hard and I don’t get it and I really thought you were going to help me out so-“

“I will,” Aaron interrupts, starting to move the puzzle pieces further apart so he can get a better look. “And this is part of me helping.” Aaron looks back up at him and lets out a small sigh. “I get it. It’s your first finals week, I know what comes with that. I get the pressure. Maybe not in the same way you do, but I get it. You’re freaking out.”

It’s not a question, and Alex just shrugs, feeling a little self-conscious. But he doesn’t try to argue with Aaron. Instead he finds his own fingers toying with the puzzle pieces, his eyes roaming over them for edge pieces without him really thinking about it.

“I thought I was going to give myself a heart attack my first finals week,” Aaron continues, his voice soft. “Either from how much stress I was putting myself through or from the amount of coffee I was drinking. I worked every hour of the day and barely slept from how much was going on in my mind at night.”

Alex swallows thickly at that, thinking about the very few hours he’s actually managed to sleep over the past few days. Maybe Aaron actually has a point with all of this. “So, what? I’m just supposed to do a puzzle and then I’ll magically pass my finals?”

“No,” Aaron says with an exasperated sigh. “It just…it helped me calm down last year, having something mindless to do but also with an end goal, and…and I know it’s weird, or whatever, but I just…I thought it might help you.” Aaron goes quiet after that, and when Alex glances up at him, he’s looking a little stiff and uncomfortable.

“I’ll try it,” Alex tells him quickly, realizing what this is. Aaron is sharing something personal, even if it’s something small, but he’s reaching out. He’s sharing something with Alex, and Alex is just being an asshole in return, as usual. “I…just not too much time, okay?”

“Okay,” Aaron agrees with a smile, perking back up as his hands continue to sift through the pieces. “I usually sort them by shape.”

Alex nods, and then they’re both separating the pieces into small piles. As time passes, Alex is surprised to find that his mind does start to relax. The repetitive motion of separating the pieces is mindless, but he still has to focus enough to not let his mind wander to other things. It’s nice.

“Thanks,” Alex mutters after more time goes by. “This…yeah, this helped.”

Aaron just hums at his statement, his eyes focused on the corner of the puzzle he’s starting to assemble with a determination that makes Alex smile. “I’m glad,” Aaron says after a moment, looking up at him. “I needed it, too, so thanks for humoring me.” He gives Alex a quick smile. “Washington’s final has been kicking my ass, too. I was looking over our notes from the first couple of weeks, and I couldn’t remember writing any of them.”

“Right!” Alex exclaims, fitting two pieces together. “Like, I vaguely remember Washington talking about the concepts and theories, but then I was totally blanking on the examples he gave.” He’s glad he’s not the only one who had forgotten a lot of things from class.

“I asked some people who took his class before what to study, and they all said that he’ll definitely ask a broad question that could literally cover anything from class. And he’ll want us to use at least three theories in our essay.”

Alex nods at the information, letting out a victorious noise when he fits a few more pieces of the puzzle together. Then he leans back and bites at his lower lips as he starts to think. “At least three theories…that shouldn’t be too bad. We’ve learned like ten.”

They start to discuss each theory, going back and forth and filling in the blanks where one of them forgot vital information. Then they move onto court cases Washington discussed in class, talking about how each case relates to one or a few of the theories or the different laws that were put into play. Alex is surprised at how much he remembers. All of the information is flowing back into his brain, and he can feel himself getting more and more excited as he recites it to Aaron and connects it to other things they learned in class.

“I think you’re going to do fine on the final,” Aaron murmurs to him after a while. “I might even wager that you’ll do more than fine. _Maybe._ ”

“Gee, thanks,” Alex says sarcastically, snorting when Aaron just smiles and shrugs. “Shit.” Alex glances down at the puzzle, seeing how much of it they’ve gotten done. Almost half. Alex can definitely make out a golden retriever and a husky starting to appear in the upper left corner. “How long have we been working on this?”

“Almost two hours.”

“Shit,” Alex says again, laughing a little at how ridiculous this is. “I can’t believe I talked about Washington’s class while doing a puppy puzzle.” He pulls out his phone to check the time, groaning when he sees a text from Bellamy. “Great, Bellamy invited Herc over for the night. He figured I’d be here studying all night.”

“Stay,” Aaron says, making Alex squeak and almost drop his phone.

“W-what?”

“Stay,” Aaron says again with another shrug, confirming that Alex hadn't misheard him the first time. “I can only offer you the floor, but you’re more than welcome to stay.”

“Oh.” Alex opens and closes his mouth a few times, praying that his face isn’t as red as it feels. “O-okay, yeah. Are you s-“ Alex stops his question as Aaron glares at him, smiling at him instead. “Thanks.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Aaron hides a yawn behind his hand, his eyes closing for a moment before he blinks a few times. “I might crash soon. I really haven’t been getting that much sleep. And I’m gonna be out of it tomorrow if I don’t get at least six hours.”

“That’s fine,” Alex tells him in a rush, not wanting to inconvenience Aaron at all. “You can totally pass out. I’ll just…study by phone light, or something.”

Aaron snorts at that, but he stands up and stretches, a small moan leaving him that definitely makes Alex flush, but he keeps his face down towards the puzzle so Aaron won’t notice. “You can keep the light on, it won’t bother me. And here,” Aaron tosses a pillow and a blanket onto the ground. “You can use those whenever you decide to go to sleep.”

Alex nods his thanks, not looking up as he hears the sound of fabric hitting the ground. Then the sound of sheets being pulled back reaches him, and then he hears the mattress creaking. It’s only once the room goes silent that Alex allows his eyes to move up, taking in the Aaron-shaped lump on top of the bed. He can’t believe that this is happening.

Aaron Burr is letting him sleep in his room. Aaron Burr is letting him sleep in his room after doing a puppy puzzle with him for over two hours. Life is a very, very strange thing. But it’s good, too.

Alex works on the puzzle for a little bit longer, but then he feels his eyes growing heavier, and the puzzle pieces are starting to become blurry in front of him. He pushes himself to his feet and goes over to the light switch, flicking it off before stumbling back over to his spot on the floor, grabbing the pillow and blanket Aaron had thrown down for him.

Yawning and rubbing at his eyes with a closed fist, Alex stretches out onto the floor and lets out a long sigh. He does feel better. He doesn’t want to admit to Aaron how much doing this helped, but it did. A lot.

Alex falls asleep much faster than he has been, but his dreams don’t seem to have caught the message that he’s no longer stressed. He dreams over and over again that he’s late to his finals. Either he oversleeps or his feet just won’t work, or the hallway just gets longer and longer and Alex can’t reach the room his final is in. Eventually Alex jolts awake, sitting up and breathing heavily as he blinks the dream away.

Swearing under his breath, Alex rubs a hand over his eyes and flicks the blanket off of him, suddenly feeling much too warm. He swears again and fumbles around for his phone, groaning when he sees that it’s three in the morning. Positive that he won’t be able to fall back asleep, Alex turns his phone flashlight on and scoots over to the puzzle, deciding that he might as well work on it more since he has nothing better to do. Plus he needs a distraction, knowing that trying to study right now would not be a good idea.

He works on it for about ten minutes when he hears the sound of someone rustling under the sheets, and he looks over to see Aaron sitting up, rubbing at his eyes as he squints down at Alex.

“Sorry,” Alex says, guilt flooding through him immediately. “I didn’t mean to wake you up but I had this crazy dream where my feet weren’t working and then the hallway was never ending and I-I’m sorry.”

“’S fine,” Aaron slurs, scooting to the edge of the bed and then down onto the ground, much to Alex's surprise. He gives Alex a tired smile once he's settled. “We can work on the puzzle some more.”

Alex stares at him a moment before nodding, the guilt in his chest being replaced by some other emotion. They work in silence, and Alex is focused completely on the puzzle. So when he looks up some time later to see Aaron slumped against the side of his bed, fast asleep, he can’t help but laugh softly.

Alex knows he’s talked about it before, embarrassingly so, but Aaron is nice. Alex still has no idea what they’re relationship is, but he knows he likes spending time with Aaron, and it’s starting to seem like Aaron enjoys spending time with him on some level. It-

The sound of something vibrating in the room stops Alex’s stream of thoughts.

He blinks a few times and looks around, trying to find the source. His own phone is facing up with the screen dark, but then he spots Aaron’s phone on the bed, the screen lighting up with an incoming call.

“Aaron,” Alex murmurs, hoping that will be enough to wake him up. “Aaron, hey, your phone!” He nudges Aaron gently with his hand, but the other man just groans and swats his hand away. Alex tries again, but Aaron is completely out.

He hesitates before standing up and grabbing the phone off of the mattress, picking it up just in case it’s something important.

“Hello?” Alex says, chewing at his lip when no one responds. “Hello?” He tries again. When there’s still no response, Alex goes to hang up, but then something stops him. What if it’s Aaron’s sister? What if this is one of her weird phone calls? “Is this Sally?” Alex pauses again, but no one says anything on the other end. Should he say something? He should say something. “Listen, if this is Aaron’s sister, then…then you should really call Aaron when it isn’t three in the morning so he can talk to you, cause he really wants to talk to you. I don’t know you, and I’m just getting to know Aaron, but I can tell how much this is affecting him and I just…” Alex swallows, not wanting to overstep more than he probably already has. “I think you need to talk to your brother.” He nods to himself, going to hang up again when he brings the phone back to his mouth quickly. “And if this isn’t Sally I’m sorry and please ignore all of that. Thanks.”

Finally hanging up, Alex tosses the phone back onto the mattress with a sigh. He peers down at Aaron, who is still sleeping soundly with his back against his bed, his mouth hanging open slightly. Alex huffs out a small breath before going over to him and nudging him hard, laughing softly when he falls completely onto the floor, still not waking up. Alex shoves the pillow under his head and throws the blanket on top of Aaron before climbing onto the mattress.

Maybe it was weird for him to answer the phone, or to give his opinion, but Alex can't help it. Now that he knows why Aaron can be so moody or put out, he just wants to help. Aaron seems happier, or at least on the way to being happier. It just sucks that he can't even call his sister and ask her why she did everything that she did. Alex knows how frustrating it can be to not know something.

Alex yawns and rolls over onto his stomach, his eyes growing heavy once again. When sleep overcomes him this time, Alex manages to stay asleep, no dreams coming to him.

-

Alex wakes up the next morning to a pillow being thrown at his face.

“Fuck,” Alex groans, moving the pillow off of him and ignoring Aaron’s laugh from somewhere else in the room. “What the hell, Aaron?”

“Sorry,” Aaron says, not sounding even the tiniest bit sorry. “But I promised Maria I would get brunch with her soon.”

“Brunch,” Alex mutters, finally opening his eyes so he can glare at Aaron. “How pretentious. _Brunch_.”

“If it’s so pretentious then I won’t invite you.”

“Hey!”

“Then get your ass up and moving,” Aaron instructs with another laugh. “If we’re late we won’t hear the end of it. And I’d really rather start my day off on a good note. Also you're an awful guest, you stole my bed.”

Alex sits up on the mattress, shrugging his shoulders. "You fell asleep on the floor and there's no way I could pick you up, so." He stretches his arms above his head and yawns loudly. "I swear I tried waking you up, but you were out. Like...completely out. Out as in I could have been kidnapped and you wouldn't have even noticed."

"How tragic," Aaron says, throwing some things into his backpack and not even looking at Alex. "We can study afterwards, if you want to."

Alex hums out an affirmative as he stands, doing his best to smooth out the wrinkles in his clothes. He grabs his phone off of the floor and then pauses, suddenly remembering the phone call he answered last night. He glances over at Aaron, who is humming under his breath, and decides there's no point in mentioning it. Whoever called hadn't said anything, anyway. It probably wasn't even Sally.

So Alex gathers up his things and waits for Aaron to finish, his stomach growling a little. Brunch actually sounds like a great idea, now that he thinks about it. A few minutes later, Aaron is slinging his backpack onto his shoulders with a grin, still humming under his breath. He starts to walk towards the door and then pauses with a weird expression on his face, and that's when Alex realizes he's just been staring at him for the past few seconds.

"What?" Aaron asks, letting out a short laugh.

“You just..." Alex shifts on his feet. "You seem...happier," he finishes, voicing what he had come to think last night. He watches Aaron and bites at his lip when he doesn't respond, hoping the comment didn't make Aaron uncomfortable. “Or just…I don’t know, better.” He clears his throat. "Sorry, you don't need to talk about it."

Aaron shrugs, looking away. “I don't mind. I feel….lighter? I guess?” He looks back at Alex and shrugs again. “Things are a little easier. I like that I don’t have to hide it anymore. I like…I like that if I’m upset or not having a good day that I don’t need to pretend that I’m not, or…or explain it or make an excuse.”

Alex nods and then takes a deep breath. “I’m…happy, that you’re doing better. I’m…yeah.” He clears his throat again, feeling a blush spread across his face. 

“Thank you,” Aaron says softly, his lips quirking up just a little. Then he lets out chuckle, an amused look in his eyes. “It also helps that I don’t have to go home for winter break, that took away a lot of stress.” Aaron shakes his head with a fond expression. “Bellamy called my uncle and convinced him to let me stay. Have you ever witnessed Bellamy bullshit his way into someone’s good graces?”

“I haven’t had that privilege yet.”

“It’s something,” Aaron tells him with a wide smile. “We’re both gonna stay at the apartment with Herc and Maria. What are you doing for break?”

Alex opens his mouth to respond, but then he pauses. He had figured he’d just go home. John had invited him to spend it in South Carolina with him, but Alex wasn’t sure how he felt about that. But going home doesn’t exactly sound fun either. “I…I don’t know,” Alex starts slowly. He glances closer at Aaron and swallows, an idea starting to form in his mind. “Would…do you think that…or I-I don’t…” He trails off under Aaron’s gaze, feeling unsure of what he wants to ask.

“Am I supposed to be able to answer whatever you just tried to say?” Aaron asks, looking slightly bewildered.

Alex takes a deep breath before trying again. “I was going to ask if…if you think I could stay with you guys, too?” He says the second half of the sentence in a rush, his voice growing a little higher pitched towards the end thanks to his nerves. “I just…I don’t really want to go home and I’ve never really spent Christmas with friends or…or whatever.” Alex cuts off there, feeling self-conscious and more than a little stupid at blurting out so much. “Never mind.” Alex steps forward and tries to reach for the doorknob, needing to move past this awkward moment.

“What? No.” Aaron reaches out and grabs his arm, stopping him before he can run away. “I mean, yeah! You should stay. There’s room in the apartment still.” Aaron drops his hand and smiles. “Plus Maria will be working a lot over break, so you can help me not be a third wheel to Bellamy and Herc.”

“And you…you wouldn’t mind me butting in? And like…you’re cool if I hang out with you guys?”

“You don’t need my permission,” Aaron tells him, rolling his eyes when Alex continues to look unsure. “Alexander, no, I don’t mind. You’re part of the group. We’re friends.” Aaron gestures between them, and Alex can’t stop the grin that spreads across his face. “What? You thought we weren’t? I’m pretty sure we’ve gone over this before.”

“It’s nice to hear you say it,” Alex says smugly, laughing when Aaron just rolls his eyes again.

“You saw me drunk off my ass, and I still invited you over to my room. So yeah, I’d say we’re friends.”

“Friends,” Alex repeats, the word sending a thrill through him. He likes that. “Me and Aaron Burr. The dynamic duo.”

“Do not refer to us as that,” Aaron tells him firmly, opening the door and stepping into the hallway, not waiting to see if Alex is following him.

“The trusty two?”

“No.”

“The tight two, then.” Alex laughs when he hears Aaron sigh loudly in front of him as he trots to catch up. “Oh, okay, I got it. The perky pair!”

“ _Alexander._ ”

“Bosom buddies?”

“You are uninvited to brunch.”

Alex scoffs at that, cackling when Aaron starts to walk faster in an attempt to get away from him. But Alex just picks up his own pace, keeping in stride with Aaron and continuing his stream of suggestions despite Aaron’s groans of protest.

This is definitely a great start to their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was very strange writing Aaron happy. He's definitely feeling a lot better in this chapter. We'll see how long it lasts. Will he survive a whole break with Alex without snapping at him? Probably not. Also Alex is trying so hard to be a good friend and I'll give him props for that.
> 
> I'll try to get the next update out as fast as I can, but things are getting busy on my end and I am a very busy bee who needs sleep. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! So leave them here or at my tumblr @ fanciful-follies! Thanks again! :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. Here it is. The Christmas chapter. So much happens in this one y'all, I hope you're ready

Aaron barely even knocks once before the door in front of him swing opens, a beaming Lafayette standing on the other side.

“Little Burr!” Lafayette exclaims, ignoring the scowl that he’s met with and swooping down to bring Aaron into a hug. Aaron allows it for about five seconds before pulling away, securing his bag on his back which had started to slip.

“Hey, Laf.”

“Come in, come in!” Lafayette ushers him inside, shutting the door before putting both of his hands on Aaron’s shoulders. “It makes me so happy that you are staying here over the holidays! It makes me want to stay and have fun with you all, but I haven’t been home in so long.” Lafayette sighs and steps away from Aaron. “Such a difficult choice.”

Aaron hums at that, rolling his eyes when Lafayette turns away. He’s always a little too dramatic for Aaron’s taste. But he did offer his room up for Aaron, so he supposes he should be grateful.

Aaron had been planning to just stay in his single over break, meeting up with friends whenever he felt like it. But then this new plan had come up, staying at Herc, Laf and Maria’s place. Aaron thinks Bellamy definitely had something to do with it, even if he denies it. But Aaron is positive that his friend didn’t want him holed up alone in his room over break. So now here he is, sharing an apartment with Maria, Bellamy, Herc, and-

Another knock at the door makes Aaron pause in his thoughts, turning when Lafayette bounds over to it and opens it with another exclamation of excitement. “Alexander! You have arrived!”

Aaron greets Alexander with a small smile as he steps inside, the smile getting a little wider when the usual blush spreads across Alexander’s face when their eyes meet. The guy gets flustered so easily. Aaron finds it amusing.

“Hey,” Alexander says, slapping Lafayette on the arm and then nodding in Aaron’s direction. “Thanks again for letting me stay, Laf,” he continues. “This will definitely beat staying in my dorm room.”

“I’m afraid one of you will have to take the couch,” Lafayette tells them with a glum frown. “I promise it is more comfy than it looks. Bellamy will be staying in Hercules’ room of course, but then Maria is in the second room, leaving only one left. Unless the two of you would not mind sharing a bed?”

Aaron bites at the inside of his cheek, not wanting to show the discomfort that idea brings. He has nothing against Alexander, they’re friends, that’s been established, but he’s never been big on sharing a bed with someone unless they’re very close. He usually can’t even fall asleep if someone he isn’t close with is in the same bed as him. Some of what he’s thinking must show on his face, because when Aaron glances over at Alexander, his face is even more red than before, and his eyes are cast down towards the floor.

“I don’t mind taking the couch,” Alexander says quickly, eyes darting up to Aaron’s. “It’s fine. You can have the bedroom.”

Aaron shrugs a shoulder in response. “If you’re sure, then-“ He cuts off when a flash of disappointment goes across Alexander’s face. “What?”

“You were supposed to do the thing,” Alexander tells him, waving a hand between them. “You know…I offer to take the couch…then you refuse and say you’ll take the couch, then I reluctantly agree even though I’m secretly relieved at being able to have the bedroom.”

“Why would I do that?” Aaron asks flatly. “You offered. You shouldn’t have offered if you didn’t want the couch.”

Alexander opens his mouth again, probably to argue with him, as usual, but Lafayette reaches out and ruffles Alexander’s hair, the motion cutting off his words before they can begin. “You are always so funny, Alexander. But little Burr is correct. You offered. So the couch is yours! But I will show you where the pillows and blankets are so you can make it just as comfy as a bed!” Lafayette grabs Alexander by the arm and starts to pull him further into the house.

Alexander is grumbling under his breath as Lafayette tugs at him, narrowing his eyes when he sees the smirk that Aaron knows is on his face. “Shut up, _little Burr_ ,” Alexander whispers as he passes him, laughing when Aaron’s smirk shifts into a scowl.

Aaron rolls his eyes once Alexander and Lafayette are gone, wondering if he made a mistake in accepting the invitation to stay in the apartment. Sure it will be nice to be in a bigger space and not have to walk to the dining halls for food, but it’ll also be a little cramped.

He’s good friends with Bellamy and Maria, and Herc is nice, and Alexander is, well, Alexander, and Aaron just doesn’t know how they’re all going to mix. He’s not sure how long he’ll be able to last being constantly around four other people for an entire month. He’s not sure how long his friends will last being constantly around _him_ for an entire month.

It’s not exactly a secret that Aaron has trouble making new friends. He’s slow to open up, and people always have a weird reaction of thinking he doesn’t like them just because he doesn’t sing their praises all the time. But that’s just how he is.

“Someone’s looking glum,” a voice says from being him, and Aaron turns to see Maria stepping out of the hallway and over to him. “What? Already having second thoughts?”

Aaron shrugs a shoulder. “Not exactly. Just gearing myself up, I guess.”

“C’mon.” Maria slings an arm around his shoulders. “It’s gonna be fun, all of us holed up in here for the holidays. What could _possibly_ go wrong?” She snickers at Aaron’s responding frown. “At least I’ll get to escape to my job.”

“You still have to work?”

“Gotta work to live,” Maria tells him with a sigh. “It gets crazy busy during this time. But the tips are usually pretty great, so. Win some, lose some.” She moves in front of Aaron and places both of her hands on his shoulders, inspecting him with a firm look. “Hey, we’re gonna have fun. Repeat that. We’re gonna have fun!”

Aaron takes in a slow breath, forcing himself to not roll his eyes. “We’re gonna have fun,” he repeats in a flat tone, which makes Maria roll _her_ eyes.

“Good enough!” Maria tells him with a grin. “Just wait, Bellamy and I have great plans for tonight.”

Those great plans turn out to be eating more pizza than should be humanly possible and watching the Harry Potter marathon on ABC, which Aaron should have known would happen if Bellamy was the one involved in the plans.

“This is the best,” Bellamy exclaims from where he is lying on his stomach on the floor, propped up on his elbows with a determined look as he paints Hercules’ thumbnail with blue nail polish. “I _love_ that we’re all here together!”

“Don’t self combust,” Alexander says with a laugh from his spot on the ground, wincing when Maria tugs at his hair a little too hard, working the strands into braids. “We’re friends, Bellamy, this isn’t that out of the ordinary.”

Aaron chuckles when Bellamy continues to look like all of them hanging out is the best thing in the world, and Maria, who’s next to him on the couch, peers over at him with a smile. “It is nice,” Aaron says after a moment, shifting in his spot when everyone looks over at him. “I...it’s nice.” He says it a little more defensively this time, finding it weird that everyone seems so surprised that he said it.

But then Bellamy beams at him, ignoring Hercules’ huff of frustration when the nail polish gets all over their hand due to Bellamy not paying attention. And Alexander just hums, pulling Aaron’s attention towards him. He’s turned around, glancing over his shoulder and giving Aaron a thoughtful look, but then his lips curve up into a smile.

“All right, it’s nice,” Alexander agrees. Then he looks around at all of them. “But not nice enough for me to feel bad about kicking you all out of my bedroom.” He gestures at the couch with a slight frown. “I’m tired and y’all need to get your butts off of my wonderful bed.”

-

Bellamy and Maria seemed to have planned more than just one night of festivities, because the next couple of days consist of a never-ending list of things for them to do.

Bellamy gets them all outside under the impression that there is a dog stuck in the snow, and Aaron is glancing around trying to spot it when a snowball hits the back of his head followed by a gleeful laugh from Bellamy. Aaron barely turns around before a second snowball hits his chest, Hercules ducking behind a tree in an attempt to make it seem like it wasn’t them.

It becomes a blur of chaos after that.

About half an hour later, Aaron is stumbling back inside with a laugh, starting to strip off his soaked-through outerwear along with the rest of his friends. His hands are basically numb from not having worn gloves, but he’s better off than Alexander, who hadn’t had gloves or a hat. By the time they’re all changed into warm, dry clothing, Alexander is still rubbing at his ears and grumbling about feeling like an icicle.

Later on in the week, Hercules drags them all outside with a demand that they need to build the biggest snowman known to humanity. They all dress warmer this time, Alexander with about five layers on that Aaron finds immensely amusing, even more so when Alexander glares at him from beneath two hats and a large scarf.

The snowman takes all day, Bellamy even getting onto Hercules’ shoulders at one point. Maria makes Aaron get on her shoulders, claiming he weighs less and that she’s stronger, but it still ends with Aaron flat on his back in the snow and Maria leaning over him, apologizing profusely while Alexander laughs in the background.

Later that night they are all spread out across the floor, cups of hot cocoa in their hands and blankets wrapped around their shoulders.

“Now this,” Alexander starts with a sigh, “this is nice.” He takes a sip from his cup and hums happily, lowering the cup and licking at the whipped cream that sticks to his lip. “I want to pour this on my body.”

“Please don’t,” Maria says with a short laugh. “That would not end well.”

“Obviously I’m not _actually_ going to pour this on my body,” Alexander shoots back with a roll of his eyes. “I’m not an idiot.”

Aaron snickers at that. “Says the guy with whipped cream all over his face.” He laughs again when Alexander glares at him, wiping at his mouth but missing the whipped cream entirely. “Here,” Aaron murmurs, leaning over a little and swiping quickly over Alexander’s upper lip, catching the rest of the whipped cream with his thumb.

It’s only once he’s pulled back that he sees how red Alexander’s face is, but then he’s ducking and taking another sip from his hot chocolate. “T-thanks,” he stutters out after he swallows, voice squeaking a little on the word.

“Ugh, there is so much love in this room,” Maria groans, and Aaron turns to look over at Bellamy and Hercules, figuring she means them, and sees the two curled up against each other, Hercules’ hand running through Bellamy’s hair.

“Shut up,” Bellamy mumbles, practically asleep. He hums when Hercules starts to stand, carrying Bellamy in their arms like he weighs nothing. “So strong,” Bellamy coos, nuzzling Hercules’ shoulder with a dopey smile.

“I’m gonna take him to bed,” Hercules whispers, their expression fond as they shake their head. “Goodnight, guys.”

“I’m gonna head to bed, too,” Maria says, standing with a yawn as Hercules and Bellamy disappear down the hall. “You two go crazy.” She throws a wink over her shoulder as she leaves, leaving Aaron and Alexander alone on the floor.

They’re both silent, Alexander fiddling with his cup and avoiding eye contact, leaving Aaron to wonder why his face is still so flushed. Maybe he’s still cold. “Do you want the bed?” Aaron asks after a moment, raising his eyebrows when Alexander’s reaction is just a confused look. “I can take the couch, if you want. You haven’t been sleeping, right?”

“I-“ Alexander cuts off, his brows furrowed. “How did you-“

“I see the light on,” Aaron says with a shrug. “Whenever I go to the bathroom, the light out here is on.”

Alexander chews at his lip and gives a shrug of his own. “My brain just has trouble turning off after I’ve been stressed for a while. Plus I totally screwed up my sleeping schedule during finals week.” He gives Aaron a small smile. “I’m good here, but thanks.”

“And this isn’t another thing where you secretly want the bed but don’t want to say, so I should insist you take it again?”

Alexander laughs at that, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little bit, drawing Aaron's attention to them. “No, I mean it this time. I’m really good with the couch. The cushions have already started molding to the shape of my body.”

“Nice,” Aaron chuckles as he stands, stretching his arms above his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Goodnight,” Alexander tells him.

Aaron nods at him as he heads for the hallway, looking back over his shoulder briefly before he leaves the room. The last thing he sees is Alexander running his fingers over his upper lip, a small smile on his face.

-

The next day, Bellamy drags them all out to find a Christmas tree.

“It’s not Christmas without a tree,” Bellamy tells them in a sing-song voice. “It doesn’t have to be big, but we need a tree. Like…it’s fucking Christmas! We need a tree!”

“Pretty sure it’s not socially acceptable to say ‘fucking Christmas’,” Alexander points out from where he’s looking at a sad, brown tree. “Like…it’s Jesus’ birthday. He wouldn’t want you to swear.”

“He’s got a point,” Hercules points out, throwing an arm around Bellamy’s shoulder. “You definitely just offended Jesus.”

“He’ll get over it,” Bellamy says crisply, glancing around at all the trees. “Should we send Maria some pictures? It sucks that she had to pick up someone’s shift for today.”

“I don’t think she’ll mind,” Aaron says, not bothering to tell Bellamy that Maria picked up the late shift on purpose. She has a strange aversion to Christmas trees, doesn’t like the way they smell or something.

“There’s so many to choose from!” Bellamy exclaims. “I love Christmas trees. As a kid we’d only have a plastic one,” he says this to Hercules. “Christmas isn’t as big in Hunan as it is here, so when we first moved I never really celebrated it. But I think it’s fun. Aaron’s family used to invite us over all the time for a big dinner.” He grins over at Aaron.

“What about this one!” Alexander calls out from a few feet away, standing next to a rather small tree. But it’s a deep green and doesn’t have many bare spots. “It’ll fit into the space pretty easily, and it’s not huge so we don’t need to spend like, five years decorating it.”

“It’s perfect!” Bellamy beams at all of them, and Hercules starts to wave down one of the workers.

Later that night, they’re all crowded around the small tree, covering it in different colors of paper chains, paper flowers, and paper lanterns that Bellamy had taught them all how to make earlier in the day.

It doesn’t take long for them to finish, and even Maria, who had gotten back towards the tail end, even admits that it looks pretty good.

“It’s perfect,” Hercules says, echoing Bellamy’s statement from earlier, receiving a kiss on their cheek from Bellamy for the words. “Should we all turn in for the night?”

Aaron nods, grateful that everyone else is feeling just as tired as he is. There had been a growing pressure behind his eyes for most of the day. He hopes that sleep will fix that, and wants nothing more than to just collapse onto his bed and sleep for hours.

When the next morning arrives, however, that same pressure is still there, worse than before.

He’s snappier than usual with his friends, starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the constant stream of talking and the constant planning going on around him. He can tell that his friends notice from the side eyes they give him and the several concerned glances. But all of that just makes Aaron more upset. He doesn't need them to worry about him. He needs to escape and have some time to himself.

Aaron starts following Maria to work over the next few days, escaping to the café and just reading or messing around on his laptop. It feels good to have a few hours to himself. But then Alexander starts asking to come, and Aaron doesn’t want to be rude, so he just says yes, hoping Alexander will pick up on his tone and change his min. But he doesn't.

And Alexander is loud, more than loud. He talks nonstop, and seems to only be able to keep himself occupied for a few minutes before he’s rattling off some story to Aaron or asking him questions or just being annoying overall. Aaron doesn’t know how to tell him to leave him alone in a nice way, but he can feel his anger rising.

“Going to the café again?” Alexander asks him one morning, catching Aaron by surprise as he puts his shoes on by the front door.

“Yep,” Aaron says tersely. He’d hoped that he would be able to slip out without Alexander noticing. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“I’ll come with you!” Alexander trots over to him with a smile, starting to get his own shoes on.

“Alexander,” Aaron starts weakly, needing to tell him that he needs to be alone. “I-“

“We’re all out of coffee so this is perfect timing,” Alexander says, apparently not hearing Aaron’s attempt at speaking. “I could really use something good. Do you think Maria can like, give me a special deal since we’re friends? There should be a deal for friends. Maybe I can suggest it, maybe-“

“Alexander!” Aaron says again, his tone sharper than he means it to be, but it gets Alexander’s attention, the other man stopping and looking up at Aaron with wide eyes. “I don’t want you to come!” Aaron continues, clenching his jaw. “I just want some peace and quiet and that’s impossible with you because you never shut up!”

Alexander blinks at him a few times, and Aaron feels angry at the guilt that starts to slip into his chest. He hates feeling guilty. “Oh,” Alexander says, his voice quiet. “Right. Sorry. I’ll just…” He trails off but then turns away with stiff shoulders, shuffling down the hall quickly with both of his shoes still untied.

Aaron swears under his breath, feeling like a complete asshole now. He gets his own shoes off and goes to his room, not feeling like going out anymore. He slams his door and grabs a book off of the bedside table before crawling onto the mattress.

He didn’t mean to snap, it just happened. He’s been feeling weird and restless and angry with all of his friends lately. Part of it is from the constant hanging out with everyone, but most of it is just because Aaron can’t stop thinking about Sally.

He’s never spent a Christmas without her, and he can’t stop himself from noticing her absence. They have their own little traditions for Christmas, like making their own stockings and having a competition to see who can hang up ornaments the fastest. There's this hill by their house that they always used to go sledding down, too. Aaron just misses all of it.

A knock at his door a little while later makes Aaron jump, and he hesitates a moment as he thinks. He’s tempted to pretend like he’s asleep, but then he sighs. “Come in,” he calls out, figuring he should let whoever is on the other side know that he’s alive. He expects it to be Bellamy, so when Alexander peeks around the corner of the door, Aaron feels his eyebrows quirk up in surprise.

“Hey,” Alexander says, giving half of a wave as he steps inside. He shifts on his feet a little, hands stuffed in his pockets as his eyes flick back and forth between Aaron and the floor. “We, uh, we were all thinking of heading out to lunch soon, if you want to come?”

“I’ll pass,” Aaron mutters, looking back down at the book in his hands. He’s not sure the last time he turned the page, or what sentence he was on before Alexander came in, but that doesn’t really matter. He’s not exactly reading the book so much as just staring at the pages, letting the words blur in front of him.

The door clicks shut, drawing Aaron’s attention back up, and another flash of surprise hits him when he sees Alexander still standing there, chewing at his lip as he looks at Aaron, his hands clutched in front of him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Aaron asks, trying to keep his voice even.

“Whatever crawled up your ass and is making you act like such a dick.”

Aaron slams his book shut at that, his jaw clenching as anger mixed with another spark of guilt hits him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grits out, setting the book on to the mattress and swinging his legs over the edge, facing Alexander. “Can you just get out?”

“No.” Alexander’s response is firm, even if his eyes do look a little wary. He twists his hands in front of him a few times before walking over to Aaron and slowly sitting beside him on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks again, softer this time, and Aaron feels himself slump forward.

“I don’t know,” he murmurs eventually, rubbing at his eyes with a sigh. He takes in a deep breath, trying to get his mind to stop being so fuzzy. “I’m just…” Aaron keeps his head bowed as he lets out his breath slowly. “I just can’t stop thinking about how different this is.”

“How different what is?”

“This,” Aaron repeats, laughing a little as he gestures at the room around them. “Just…all of it…being here for Christmas.”

“You don’t want to be here?” Alexander asks slowly, and when Aaron peers over at him, he’s looking a little crestfallen.

“It’s not…” Aaron cuts himself off with a frustrated huff, not knowing how to explain. “I’m happy to be here, I’m having fun and I’m glad I’m not home alone or just sitting in my dorm but I…I can’t stop comparing it to other holidays, to holidays that I…when…”

“When Sally was there?” Alexander finishes for him, his voice gentle. He lets out a slow breath when Aaron nods. He looks at Aaron for a few moments before sighing. “I’m shit at giving advice," he starts with a little laugh, "and I’m even shittier and making people feel better, but I’m really sorry, if that means anything.”

“You don’t have anything apologize for,” Aaron grumbles, sniffling a little. “You’ve all been nice and I’ve just been a giant asshole.”

“No you haven’t. And none of us are thinking that.” Alexander nudges Aaron’s knee with his own. “You don’t need to apologize either, we all understand. It’s fine.”

“But I am sorry,” Aaron starts, eyes locking on Alexander’s for a moment. “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier, for saying what I did. It wasn’t…I was just mad and I-“

“It’s fine,” Alexander assures him, smiling a little. “I know better than anyone that the stuff that comes out of your mouth when you’re mad isn’t true, or the nicest. I get it, Aaron.”

“Yeah.”

They both fall silent after that, and Aaron allows himself a few minutes to try and click his feelings back into place, to get out of the weird haze that has him acting so moody. It helped, talking to Alexander, but Aaron still feels a weird tension in his jaw, a tingling in his shoulders and back, all of it combining and making him feel like he wants to jump out of his skin in anger or nervousness.

“Is it still a no on lunch?” Alexander asks a little bit later, pulling Aaron out of his thoughts and causing him to sit up a little straighter on the bed as he thinks.

“I think I’m still going to pass,” Aaron starts slowly, peering over at Alexander. “But if…if you wanted to do something, I’d be down. I’m just…not feeling hanging around everyone right now.”

“Okay!” Alexander responds brightly, actually clapping his hands together in excitement and making Aaron smile, just a little. “There are so many options. We’ve already done all of the traditional shit, so no more reasons to suffer in the snow. I’m useless at baking, and I know Bellamy wants to make cookies all together tonight, so that’s out. What about shopping?” Alexander asks, tapping a finger against his chin. Then he turns and smiles at Aaron. “Did you get me a Christmas present yet?”

Aaron knows Alexander is just teasing, but he feels his chest seize at the question. “I…’ Aaron pauses and licks his lips, trying to swallow down the sudden panic in his throat. “I can’t actually…my uncle controls all of our money and I can’t…I can’t actually spend any without-“

A hand on his knee makes Aaron cut off, and when he looks up, Alexander is still smiling, but it’s gentler now, and his eyes look a little sad. “Hey, it was a joke. I’m sorry. You don’t need to explain if you don’t want to.”

Aaron nods jerkily at that, trying to smile and move past the moment. Why can’t his life just be fucking normal for once? Why can’t he just react like a normal person? “I wouldn’t even know what to get you,” Aaron says, trying to tease Alexander back. “Maybe a shirt with the same phrase as that button?”

Alexander chuckles, nudging Aaron again. “Then what? A matching hat for my birthday?” He grins when Aaron snorts in response. Then Alexander is sitting up straight, looking like a light just went off in his brain. “I’ve got the perfect idea,” he says, looking way too excited and honestly making Aaron a little worried. “Build-A-Bear.”

“Excuse me?” Aaron definitely isn’t following this.

“We need to go to Build-A-Bear,” Alexander breathes out, his eyes growing wide. He jumps off of the bed. “I’m turning twenty this year, right? Which, okay, I’ll freak out about when it actually happens, but I always wanted to go to Build-A-Bear as a kid but we never could, but I promised I would go for my twentieth birthday and we need to go right now.”

“But it’s not your birthday,” Aaron argues, not sure if this sounds like a fun plan or not. “And I told you I can’t pay for-“

“I’ll pay,” Alexander tells him quickly, already waving aside Aaron’s protestation. “It’s not a big deal. I won’t pay for your bear, just for mine! I want you to come and make a bear with me, Aaron. That is my Christmas gift and my birthday gift from you, so you _have_ to say yes.”

Aaron opens and closes his mouth a few times, feeling a little like he just got slapped in the face. Alexander moves so fast sometimes, jumping from one topic to another even if they have no connection at all.

“I bought you a gift,” Alexander tells him. “So it’s only fair.”

Aaron scoffs. “I didn’t ask for a gift so that really-“

“No one _asks_ for a Christmas gift, Aaron, it’s _implied_.”

“ _You’re_ asking for one right now!” Aaron points out, but Alexander just shrugs, a wide smile starting to spread over his face as he rocks back and forth on his heels. “No,” Aaron says firmly, crossing his arms. “I am not going to Build-A-Bear on Christmas Eve. That’s ridiculous.” He keeps his arms crossed as Alexander worries at his lower lip, his eyes narrowed. Then his eyes turn softer, growing wide and eager, and Aaron doesn’t look away fast enough to evade the puppy dog eyes that Alexander shoots in his direction.

About twenty minutes later, Aaron is following Alexander around the Build-A-Bear store, grumbling under his breath and rolling his eyes whenever Alexander lets out an excited sound. “This is ridiculous,” Aaron whines for probably the tenth time since they’ve gotten there, but he doesn’t care. It is ridiculous.

“The only ridiculous thing is the fact that you aren’t having a blast,” Alexander tells him, picking up a bear and inspecting it. “This is like, heaven. There are so many options! But I think…” Alexander picks up a bear with brown, fuzzy fur. “I think I found the perfect one.” He holds the bear up beside Aaron, nodding in apparent satisfaction.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure there’s a resemblance,” Alexander says, laughing when Aaron doesn’t get it. He pulls the bear down and turns it so Aaron can look at it. “He looks like you!”

Aaron inspects the bear, noticing with slight annoyance that the bear looks like it’s frowning disapprovingly. “You are a child.” When Alexander just laughs at that, eyes crinkling, Aaron realizes that his own face is twisted into the same expression of the bear at this very moment. “Shut up.”

Alexander just smiles even wider, trailing around the shop for clothes for the bear, eventually settling on a dark purple sweater and jeans before he’s walking over to the next section, where a woman with a rather frightening smile is waiting for them.

Aaron tries to follow what happens next, the woman handing Alexander a red plastic heart and instructing him to say something into it while pressing it down so it will record. Then they’ll put the heart into the bear so it repeats the phrase whenever he hugs it. Alexander’s face is a mask of concentration as he thinks, but then he just turns to Aaron and holds out the heart.

“Say something,” Alexander tells him. He stares at Aaron expectantly, waiting, and Aaron just stares back and groans gently. 

“This is so stupid.”

“Perfect!” Alexander exclaims, bringing the heart closer to him and pressing down on it, Aaron’s recorded voice playing back to them. Alexander throws his head back as he laughs, and even Aaron can’t stop the small smile that pulls at his lips. “Oh, this is the best present ever.”

Aaron waits at the door as Alexander pays for the bear, eventually trotting over to him with the bear now secure inside a cardboard box. Alexander smiles the whole way back to the apartment, his good mood slowly seeping into Aaron, and by the time they walk inside, both of them are laughing whenever Alexander squeezes the bear, Aaron’s “this is so stupid” sounding tinny and strange through the bear.

“My very own Aaron Burr bear,” Alexander says with a chuckle. Then he stops in his tracks, turning to Aaron with wide eyes. “It’s a Burr-bear.”

“Oh my god” Aaron says over a laugh, hanging up his coat with an amused roll of his eyes. “You really are ridiculous.”

“You like it.”

“I do,” Aaron agrees with another laugh. “Which means there must be something wrong with me.” He smiles over at Alexander, noticing the flush that is spreading across his cheeks. He opens his mouth to say something, but then footsteps are approaching, and Aaron turns to see Bellamy bounding over to the both of them.

“You’re back!” He throws his arms around Aaron’s neck, squeezing him tightly before releasing him and then throwing his arms around Alexander as well, and Aaron sees the quick flash of surprise that passes over Alexander’s face at the warm greeting.

“Don’t suffocate him, Bell,” Aaron says with a light chuckle, grinning at his friend when he sticks his tongue out at Aaron.

“We were all waiting for you. We’re starting the cookies, if you want to help. And we need help figuring out a movie to watch. Herc and I are voting for Rudolph, but Maria wants to watch Home Alone.”

Aaron wrinkles his nose at both options, not really wanting to watch either movie. He glances over at Alexander, who is also looking disinterested in the movies. “What about something else?” Aaron asks, searching his mind for a suggestion.

“My…” Alexander pauses and then clears his throat. “My mom and I used to watch Lilo and Stitch every Christmas Eve.” He murmurs it quietly, his eyes darting between Aaron, Bellamy, and the floor. “But we don’t have to watch it,” he says quickly, eyes a little wide. “We can just-“

“Let’s watch it,” Aaron cuts in, sensing both Alexander’s desire for those memories and his nervousness that no one else will want to do it. “It’s a good movie. I haven’t seen it in a while, either.”

Alexander throws him a grateful look as Bellamy nods, and then they all move into the living room, piling on the couch as Herc sets up the movie.

Even though Aaron drifts in and out of sleep throughout it, he still enjoys it. The sounds of the movie mixed with his friends’ laughs combined with the soft light coming from the Christmas tree in the corner of the room makes Aaron feel warm and relaxed.

Maybe this isn’t such a bad Christmas after all.

-

Christmas morning starts with the sound of Bellamy yelling ‘Merry fucking Christmas’ up and down the hallway before bursting into Aaron’s room and tackling him.

Minutes later, Aaron is being dragged out of bed by an enthusiastic Bellamy and greeting the rest of his friends, also looking tired and disgruntled, with a small wave. They all crowd around the tree, which now has a small assemblage of gifts around it, and Maria, wearing a Santa hat, starts handing them out.

Aaron had asked all of his friends to not get him anything, since he couldn’t return the gesture, but of course all of them had decided not to do that. He opens a small gift from Maria, revealing a new journal inside.

Next is Bellamy’s gift, which ends up being a sweater with Bellamy's face on it, with the stitching 'This is my best friend' underneath it. Hercules howls with laughter as Bellamy forces Aaron to put it on, and Aaron is pretty sure he hears Maria take a picture of him with her phone.

Last is Alexander’s gift, a small, square shaped gift wrapped haphazardly in green wrapping paper. Aaron grabs for it, Maria taking a break from her Santa duties for a quick bathroom break, and tears it off. He blinks a few times, taking in one thousand piece cat puzzle that he’s now holding in his hands.

He peers up at Alexander, who is watching him with a slightly nervous smile. “Figured you’d need one for next finals,” he says, shrugging. “And obviously it just made sense this one should be a cat puzzle.”

“Obviously,” Aaron says back, but he grins and looks down at the puzzle, feeling strangely giddy over such a simply gift. “Thank you,” he murmurs after a moment, setting it beside the rest of his pile. The corners of his mouth are still pulling up into a smile when Maria comes back, calling Aaron’s name.

“Your phone is ringing in you room,” she tells him calmly before sitting back on the ground, grabbing another present to toss at Hercules.

Everyone is quiet suddenly, and Aaron can feel his heart starting to pound. He catches Bellamy’s eye, and his friend gives him a small, encouraging nod before turning back to Hercules, kissing them on the cheek and prompting them to open their present.

Aaron pushes himself off the ground quickly, stumbling a little as he stands and practically sprints to his room. Sally did call on the last holiday, so it makes sense she would call now, right? But it might not be her. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up like he always does. But when he grabs his phone and sees and unknown number flashing across the screen, Aaron can’t stop his hands from shaking.

“Hello?” He half-whispers into the phone, his voice unsteady. There’s a beat of silence, but then-

“Aaron?”

He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to take a deep breath. “Sally?” He asks, just to make sure, just to be one hundred percent certain that this is really happening.

“Hey, baby bro,” she says back, and Aaron can already feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “Merry Christmas. I didn’t wake you up, did I? I know you always sleep till like, noon on Christmas.”

Aaron gives a watery chuckle at that, remembering how much that used to annoy Sally when they were kids. “No, no, I’ve been awake. We were all opening presents.”

“All? Who’re you with?”

“I stayed on campus with some friends.”

Sally whistles on the other end. “Shit. How did you manage that? Didn’t uncle Tim-“

“Bellamy convinced him,” Aaron cuts in before Sally can finish, and he hears her laugh loudly.

“Course he did. Bellamy could convince a dog to fly if he smiled at it enough.”

Aaron chuckles softly, but then silence falls, thick with unsaid things, and Aaron moves to sit on the bed. He takes a fistful of sheets in one hand, twisting it as he tries to think of what to say, of what to ask.

“Are you…” He pauses there and clears his throat. “Are you doing o-“

“I’m fine,” Sally says quickly, cutting him off. “Really. You don’t need to worry.”

“Oh, okay,” Aaron responds with a harsh laugh. “Right. I don’t need to worry. Great, that’s great to know, thanks for telling me.”

“Aaron-“

“What the fuck, Sally?” Aaron asks, hearing his own voice crack a little. “What happened? Where are you? Why did it take you so long to finally just talk to me? And why didn’t you tell me about any of this? You just left and didn’t leave me anything besides that stupid note and after that there was just…just _nothing_!” He knows his voice has been rising, and he’s sure his friends can hear him, but he doesn’t care. He’s waited long enough to ask these questions. “Why did you leave?”

Sally takes in a deep breath before responding, and it comes across crackly through the phone. “That was a lot of questions all at once, and you’re gonna hate my answer, but…it’s complicated, Aaron.” She sighs loudly when Aaron just laughs. “It is! And I…of course you’re mad at me, I get it. You should be. But I’m doing this for y-“

“Don’t,” Aaron snaps. “Do _not_ say this is for me. I didn’t ask you to do this, and I would never have asked you. I would have wanted to c-“

“Come with me?” Sally finishes for him. “Exactly. That’s why I didn’t tell you!” She sounds angry now, which just makes Aaron even more angry. “I knew that’s what you would want, and I wasn’t going to let that happen! And I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you more than that, Aaron. The less you know the better.”

“Why?”

“Because then uncle Tim can’t try to get stuff out of you!” Sally hisses, like it’s the most obvious thing. “If you knew where I was or why I left and all that shit then he would try to make you tell him. And he’d have ways to do it. All he has to do is threaten to not pay for something and that’s it!”

Aaron knows that Sally is right, and he hates it. He hates all of this. He grits his teeth. “You still should have told me,” he says finally, his voice wobbly. “You should have told me you were gonna go, and you should have let me know sooner than this that you were okay.”

“Aaron,” Sally whispers his name, and he thinks he can hear her voice shaking, too. “I know I didn’t do this the right way, I know I screwed up, but I’m trying, okay? I know it doesn’t make sense yet but I’m doing this for both of us. And I’m gonna come back.” She says the last sentence firmly. “I promise. I just need more time. But then I’ll be back and I’ll never leave again and we’re gonna live in the same goddamn house together until we’re ninety and you’ll get so sick of me.”

Aaron lets out a watery chuckle, wiping at his eyes. “Okay,” he murmurs, most of the fight evaporating from inside him. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Sally echoes. She’s quiet after that, they both are, but then Sally laughs. “The friends you’re with right now, is the angry one with you?”

Aaron furrows his brows at the question. “The angry one?”

“The one who yelled at me,” Sally continues, making Aaron’s confusion grow. “I called you a little bit ago in the middle of the night, probably around finals time for you, and someone else answered. I was going to hang up but then he said my name, and next thing I know he’s yelling at me about being a shitty sister and that I should call you.”

Aaron wracks his brain, trying to make sense of what Sally is telling him. Who was he with during finals? Bellamy, but he would have told Aaron, and he doubts that Bellamy would have yelled at Sally. He spent a lot of time studying by himself, although there was that one night where he and-

“Alexander,” Aaron breathes out, all of it finally connecting.

“Alexander?” Sally asks. “Who’s that? Is he hot? He sounded kind of hot.”

“He’s…” Aaron pauses, wondering if he should actually answer that question. How would he answer that question? Aaron gives himself a small shake. That’s not important right now. “He’s just one of my friends.”

“Well I approve,” Sally says with a chuckle. “He really let me have it.” There’s a slight pause. “He said you weren’t doing well.” It’s not phrased as a question.

“I’m fine,” Aaron says automatically before he can really even think about it, his mind still on Alexander. “I’m…better,” he corrects after a moment. “I’m doing better.”

Sally hums on the other end, like she wants to push the topic, but she doesn’t. “Okay,” she says instead. “I’ll…I’ll try to call more often, okay? I promise. I’m sorry it took me so long, I’m sorry that it took someone I don’t even know yelling at me. It’s just…after you left me that voicemail, I was scared to call you. I thought you hated me…you don’t, do you?”

“No,” Aaron tells her softly. “I don’t hate you. I’m mad at you, though...and I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Sally murmurs, and Aaron swallows around the lump rising in throat. “I should go,” Sally says with a sigh. “I love you, Aaron.”

“Love you, too,” Aaron manages to get out. “I’ll talk to you soon?”

“Yeah. Merry Christmas little bro.”

“Merry Christmas,” Aaron says back, and then the call disconnects, and there is only silence on the other end. He sits on his bed for a few more minutes, trying to go over everything that just happened.

Sally is okay. She’s really okay. She sounded happy, which is good. And she apologized. Aaron just wishes she would explain everything. He hates not knowing. He hates not know what his sister is doing of where she is. But he trusts her. He has to.

He pushes himself off the bed, figuring he should go back out and celebrate with his friends. He knows that they all probably know who was calling, that much is clear from the way they reacted. Aaron opens the door but he barely steps out of it before he’s bumping into someone. He pulls back and takes in a stuttering Alexander.

“S-sorry,” Alexander says. “I, uh, was just going to the bathroom to, you know, use it and...well…to be honest, Bellamy sent me to spy on you and make sure that you’re okay.”

“I am,” Aaron says slowly, remembering another thing that Sally told him, the thing about Alexander. He glances at Alexander, inspecting him before shrugging “Sally called me.”

“Oh!” Alexander straightens up at that, a hesitant smile spreading across his lips. “Is that…good?”

Aaron nods. “Yeah. She sounded good. She uh, well, she told me she tried calling me during finals, and that…and that you answered and sort of yelled at her. I’m not mad,” Aaron assures him quickly, seeing the panic in Alexander’s eyes. “I’m just…you know. It’s just that-“

“I should have told you,” Alex blurts out before Aaron can finish, his hands clenched at his sides as he takes a noticeable deep breath. “I just, I don’t know. I panicked that you would get mad at me and I was also sleep deprived and not making the best decisions overall but I should have told you and I’m sorry and I totally get it if you hate me.” He pants a little after that, like the words took a lot of effort to get out.

Aaron stares at him for a few moments, eyes trailing over his face, which is still lined with panic. “It’s really okay,” he murmurs, trying to give Alexander a reassuring smile. And it is. “I don’t hate you. Just in the future, you know,” Aaron shrugs again. “Just tell me, please.”

Alexander nods frantically at that, still looking a little worried. But Aaron just keeps smiling, trying to let him know he isn’t mad. It’s sweet, really, in a strange way, that Alexander felt the need to defend Aaron. It’s nice, actually, really nice. Aaron looks at Alexander a little closer, the way his teeth are biting at his lip, and the low blush on his cheeks, but mainly the concern in his eyes that is making Aaron’s chest feel warm.

Before he can feel awkward about it or convince himself not to, Aaron surges forward, wrapping his arms around Alexander and pulling him into a hug. He thinks he hears Alexander squeak at the initial contact, his body stiff against Aaron’s, making him think that he had miscalculated their boundaries, but a moment later, Alexander is relaxing against Aaron, moving his own arms around his waist slowly.

They stay like that, just hugging each other, and Aaron wonders if Alexander's heart is really pounding that hard against his chest or if he's just imagining it. Aaron still isn’t sure why he did it, hug Alexander, but he'll just blames the overall holiday spirit. The thought makes Aaron chuckle. “Merry fucking Christmas,” he murmurs, and he thinks he feels Alexander’s shoulders moving in laughter as well.

Alexander’s arms tighten around him momentarily before he responds, his palms flat against Aaron’s back, warm and grounding. “Merry fucking Christmas, Aaron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild ride from start to finish.
> 
> Next week, New Years Eve festivities.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation, so leave them here or over at my tumblr @ fanciful-follies! :D


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, but here! another chapter full of fluff and alex pining.

“I never want to see snow again,” Alex mutters as he steps back inside, his teeth chattering. “Never. No, even never would be too soon. Like, fuck, I can’t feel any part of my body right now. Everything is numb.”

Aaron steps in behind him, stomping his boots onto the doormat, pieces of snow flying everywhere. “Apparently you can feel your mouth,” he says, looking over at Alex with a quirked eyebrow. “Because that has not stopped moving for the last hour.”

Alex scowls at that, wanting to respond, but he bites his tongue and hangs up his jacket instead, shaking his head so his hair whips around his face in an attempt to get the snow out of it.

They had just spent the last hour shoveling Maria’s car out of the driveway so she could get to work. And not only was it basically negative a hundred degrees outside, but the snow was also heavy as fuck, and Alex is pretty sure his arms might fall off, too. “I’m gonna die.”

Aaron doesn’t respond to that, choosing to roll his eyes instead, which makes Alex roll his right back. Aaron sighs as he toes off his shoes. “It’s not even that cold, Alexander. Bellamy and Hercules are still outside building another snowman.”

“That’s because they’re fucking penguins,” Alex mumbles. “Ridiculous.” He raises his hands to blow on them, hoping the warm air will de-dumb them. It would suck if his hands fell off.

“Do you want some hot chocolate?” Aaron asks, heading to the kitchen. “Or do you want to warm yourself back up by complaining?”

“Hot chocolate,” Alex whimpers, trotting after Aaron, his wet socks squishing against the floor. “I want like, five cups of hot chocolate. No, I _need_ five cups. Or I’ll die. Can your insides freeze?” Alex asks as Aaron starts to heat up some water. “Like…is that possible? Can they freeze before your outsides freeze? Aaron,” Alex says seriously, “I think my insides are frozen.”

“Oh my god,” Aaron groans, but Alex can see his mouth curving up into a smile. “I’ll give you ten cups if you promise to just be quiet.”

“No promises,” Alex quips back, grinning. He watches as Aaron stares back, his smile getting wider before he turns away with a soft huff of breath that Alex counts as a laugh. He’s slowly getting better and making Aaron laugh.

It’s been a few days since Christmas. A few days since the _incident_ ; the hug that had Alex floating on air. He’s gaped at Aaron for most of the day after they hugged, so much so that Maria had given him an empty bowl, much to his confusion, until she leaned close and whispered, “For when you start drooling.”

Alex had made sure to stop staring so much after that.

He doesn’t even know where to start with Aaron. He doesn’t know if he should throw all caution to the wind and just admit to liking him, or if he should wait it out, test the waters. But Alex isn’t good at all that slow crap. He wants to just dive right in. He wants Aaron. He wants to kiss Aaron.

But sometimes he catches Aaron with a tight, pained expression on his face, either staring at his phone or just staring at a spot on the ground. In those moments, Alex has to remind himself that Aaron probably isn’t thinking about liking anyone, that he has no idea about Alex’s stupid crush because he has more important things to deal with.

“Here.”

Aaron’s voice breaks into Alex’s thoughts, and then there is a mug of hot chocolate being shoved into his hands. “Thanks,” Alex says, taking a sip and then cursing. “Fuck, that’s hot.”

“Seriously?” Aaron asks dryly, picking up his own cup as he gives Alex a disbelieving look. “Too hot? You were just saying that your insides were frozen.”

“Well now they’re on fire.” Alex moves over to the fridge and grabs the whipped cream from inside, spraying a generous amount into his cup.

“Why don’t you just spray it directly into your mouth?”

“Fuck off,” Alex shoots back with a laugh, putting even more into his cup just to spite Aaron. Then he hesitates, glancing over at Aaron who is watching him in amusement. He moves his hand holding the whipped cream quickly, pressing down to spray some directly onto Aaron’s face.

Aaron yelps, swatting a hand out to push Alex away as he starts to laugh. “What the hell?” Aaron asks, but then he’s laughing, too, wiping at his face with his sleeve. “That’s the thanks I get for making you hot chocolate?”

“That’s the thanks you get for being mean to me.”

“I thought you thought I was nice?” Aaron teases, still wiping at his face. “Undercover nice. Isn’t that what you said?”

Alex snorts, glad that his face doesn’t flush at the reminder. “Well you’re also an asshole.”

Aaron shrugs. “Takes one to know one,” he murmurs, but he flashes a quick grin in Alex’s direction. He finally lowers his hand, but there’s still a line of whipped cream on his cheek.

“You, uh…” Alex trails off, scratching at the back of his neck before laughing nervously. He gestures at Aaron’s face. “You still…” Alex laughs again and rocks forward on his heels, wiping at Aaron’s cheek with his thumb. Of course that’s when he meets Aaron’s eyes, dark and brown and so fucking _nice_. Alex feels his face heat up and he jerks his hand back. “Got it,” he squeaks.

There’s a long beat of silence, Alex staring determinedly at the floor and praying that maybe it will just open up and swallow him. But instead the door bangs open, Bellamy and Hercules’ laughter bouncing off the walls as they stumble into the kitchen covered in snow.

“Perfect,” Hercules breathes out, nodding at the mugs in Aaron and Alex’s hands. “Is there more water left?” They kick their shoes off before treading into the kitchen and picking up the kettle. “Bell, you want some?”

Bellamy hums out an affirmative, and it’s only once he walks into the kitchen as well that Alex finally lifts his gaze back up, thankful that he finds Aaron smiling at Bellamy and not staring at Alex like he’s a weirdo.

A little while later they’re all crowding onto the couch, Bellamy practically on Hercules’s lap, flipping through the channels on TV. Alex tries not to focus on the press of Aaron’s thigh against his own.

“Chopped!” Bellamy chirps from his spot, putting a hand on Hercules’s arm to stop them from changing the channel. “I love Chopped. I used to have a huge crush on Ted Allen.”

“You’re kidding,” Alex says with a snort, swearing when Bellamy kicks him in response.

“Should I be jealous?” Hercules asks, smiling when Bellamy kisses them on the cheek. “I mean, I get it. He’s got a little something.”

Aaron groans beside Alex. “Please do not start planning your threesome in front of us.” He shakes his head when Bellamy and Hercules only laugh, then turns slightly to share a smile with Alex, who smiles back before turning his attention back to the TV.

They get about halfway through the episode when Alex starts to feel his toes going cold. He peers over at Bellamy, who is wrapped tightly around Hercules, his face buried into the crook of their neck. He glances over at Aaron next, who has a blanket thrown around his shoulders.

“Is it just me,” Alex starts, “or does it feel fucking freezing in here?”

“It’s not just you,” Hercules says, pushing Bellamy off of them gently. They stand up and walk over to the thermostat, inspecting it for a moment before their broad shoulders rise and fall in a deep sigh. “I think something’s wrong with the heating.”

Alex almost whimpers at that. “This is my worst nightmare.”

“Shut up,” Aaron tells him, standing up as well and throwing the blanket down into Alex’s lap. He walks over to Hercules and looks at the thermostat, too. “Do we call someone?”

Hercules nods, already pulling out their phone and stepping into the hallway as they start to talk to someone on the other end. They come back a few moments later and shrug. “Heating’s out. Apparently it’s happening to a lot of the apartments on this side. But they said it should be fixed sometime tonight.”

“Tonight?” Alex croaks out. “As in a few hours?” He’s going to turn into an icicle. “We’ll freeze.”

Hercules shoots him an exasperated look. “It’ll be fine. It just means we’ll need more blankets. We’ve got some in the closet.” They retreat back into the hallway, and Bellamy bounces off the couch to follow, murmuring something Alex can’t hear.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Aaron tells him as soon as Alex opens his mouth to complain some more. “It won’t be that bad.” He pulls out his phone. “I’m gonna let Maria know, and then we can help Herc get everything they need.”

The rest of the day goes by slowly, all of them playing board games wrapped in layers of clothing and blankets to try and stay warm. And Alex supposes it isn’t that bad, but then night falls, and the heat is _still_ out. Everyone heads to their respective bedrooms at some point, figuring they’ll just go to sleep and wake up to a warm house in the morning.

But Alex can’t sleep, not when the couch is right in front of a large window, the cold air seeping through and making it even more freezing inside. He thinks he can even see his breath puffing out in front of him.

There’s no way he’s going to last all night.

He has four options. He can stay and suffer all night on the couch, which obviously is his last option. Alex can already feel his feet going numb. The second option is crawling into the already overcrowded bed that Hercules and Bellamy share, but that isn’t sounding great either. Then there’s Maria. Alex is sure that she’d let him share the bed, but he also doesn’t know her well, so it would be awkward. So really, the only other option is to ask Aaron.

He sits up and swings his legs over the couch, wiggling his toes inside of his socks as he takes a deep breath. The worst thing that could happen is Aaron says no. He’ll say no, and then Alex will die of embarrassment. But he could say yes, which means warmth and sleep.

“Fuck it,” Alex grits out, standing up and keeping a blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he starts to walk over to the hallway, blinking his eyes rapidly in the dark.

He finds Aaron’s door and knocks softly, pushing it open before slipping inside. He can just make out Aaron’s outline under the pile of covers. “Aaron,” he whispers, tiptoeing a little closer to the bed. “My toes are frozen, can I sleep in here?” Alex waits, but Aaron still doesn’t move, clearly in a deep sleep. “Aaron.” Alex reaches out and shoves at his shoulders, sighing when all he gets in response is a short grumble.

Alex glances around the room. Maybe he should just sleep on the floor? But that might be weird to wake up to for Aaron. Plus the floor does not look comfortable. Alex sighs again and then shoves harder at Aaron’s shoulder. “ _Aaron!_ ”

Aaron lets out a long groan, flipping over onto his back. “What?”

“Can I sleep in here?” Alex asks, squinting in the dark to see Aaron squinting right back at him. “The window is right behind the couch and I have like five blankets but it’s so cold. I promise I’m not a bed hog and I don’t snore and if the heat comes back on I’ll leave, but please, please, _please_ let me sleep in here. You’ll be my hero.”

Aaron blinks at him once, twice, and then he groans again before scooting over and flipping the bedsheets down, giving Alex room to crawl in, which he does quickly.

His spot on the bed is already warm from where Aaron had been, and Alex wants to whimper from how nice it feels. He shifts around for a few moments, trying to find the best position. Once he’s settled, however, it gives him time to realize that he’s sharing a bed with _Aaron Burr_.

Alex can hear him breathing in and out slowly, and there’s only about a foot of space between them. He could reach out and just-

“If I wake up at any point in the night,” Aaron starts, his voice hoarse with sleep “and you’re cuddling me, I will push you off of the bed.”

Alex snorts. “My hero,” he coos, but he rolls over so he isn’t facing Aaron, his heart pounding a little when he hears Aaron chuckle in response. Why is his laugh always so nice? Even when he's half-asleep?

It takes a while, but Alex manages to calm down enough to let his eyes slip shut, breathing in and out slowly a few times before he feels sleep start to overtake him.

-

When Alex wakes up the next morning, his face is pressed against something warm and firm, and he hums in contentment, snuggling closer. He’s warm, really warm. The heat must be back on. Another hum reaches Alex’s ear when he moves again, but it’s not his own. Alex freezes his movements and snaps his eyes open, remembering where he is, and realizing what that warm and firm thing in front of him is.

Alex shifts back a little, blinking at Aaron’s back and feeling his face flush as he realizes that’s what he’d been cuddling up against. At least his arms are still at his own sides, so really it can’t be counted as cuddling. And he really needs to stop thinking about cuddling with Aaron because-

Alex pauses his thoughts as Aaron starts to move, shoulders rising and falling in a deep sigh, legs stretching out under the covers. Alex scoots back even more as Aaron starts to turn over, and then suddenly they’re staring at each other, Aaron’s eyes going wide.

“Uh, hey.” Alex wiggles the fingers of one of his hands, heart racing as Aaron just continues to stare. Does he not remember Alex coming in? “I didn’t just come in uninvited,” Alex continues. “You remember me asking to sleep here, right?”

Aaron stares for a beat longer, but then he nods slowly. “Yeah, yeah I do.” He clears his throat. “Sorry, I just forgot for a second, because…”

“Because what?”

“I slept really well,” Aaron says, sounding confused, maybe even a little surprised. He hides a yawn behind his hand, and then he’s blinking at Alex again, his brows furrowed. “Were you cuddling with me?”

“No,” Alex squeaks out, scrambling back even more and almost falling off the bed as a result. He straightens up, glaring at Aaron who is now laughing at him. “Shut up. The bed is small and _your_ back was pressed against _my_ face, okay? It wasn’t cuddling.”

“If you say so,” Aaron tells him, still smiling. He raises his hands above his head and stretches. “You have crazy bed hair, by the way.”

Ale feels his face heat up, and he grumbles at Aaron before getting up and heading towards the door. He needs to get out of here before things start to feel even more weirdly domestic. He pulls the door open and hurries out of the room, not really paying attention, which of course causes him to run right into someone.

“Shit,” Alex grunts, looking up to see Maria staring down at him in surprise. “Oh, hi.”

“Hi.” Maria stares at him, her eyes flicking to the door he just came out of before going back to his face. “Did you sleep with Aaron?” Her eyebrows rise in surprise when Alex nods, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. “Was it good?”

“I-what?” Alex looks up at her, wondering what she means, but then it hits him, and he’s scrambling backwards, his mouth opening and closing. “No! No, t-that’s not what I…we didn’t _sleep_ together, we just slept in the same bed. Oh my god.” Alex buries his face in his hands and groans. “Jesus.”

“Sorry,” Maria says, sounding so causal that Alex glances back up at her to see her smiling. “I mean, it’s not that crazy of a thought. You two have got tension. You-“

“Please don’t,” Alex murmurs, holding up a hand to stop her from continuing. “I really…I don’t want to…” He doesn’t want to even _think_ about any of that right now. He just woke up in his crush’s bed, the world is fuzzy with sleep, and he almost had a heart attack. “I need coffee.” He pushes past Maria and heads to the kitchen, hoping that she won’t push the topic anymore.

By the time he’s on his third cup, Aaron and Bellamy have joined him as well, both of them bickering about something that Alex can’t focus on because he’s too busy making sure that he doesn’t stare at Aaron too much. But then Maria is bursting into the kitchen, dragging Hercules along with her.

“We’re going shopping,” she announces to the room, waving her purse around with her free hand, the contents inside jingling.

“I don’t want to go shopping,” Aaron says back, looking dismayed, but Maria just laughs.

“Not all of us. Just me and Herc. Bonding time.”

Bellamy looks a little put out at that, but Aaron sags in relief, and Alex just shrugs. He’s never been big on shopping, but he doesn’t hate it either. He can usually find some store to browse around in for a few hours. “Have fun,” he tells Hercules as Maria continues to drag them over to the door, an expression of half reluctance and half amusement on their face. Then the door is clicking shut, and it’s just the three of them.

Aaron sets his coffee mug down on the table. “I might just do some reading today,” he says, fingers playing across the rim of the mug. “Hang out alone for a bit.”

“Are you sure?” Bellamy asks, peering at Aaron in concern. “We could all just chill? Watch something and be lazy together?”

“I’m sure,” Aaron tells him gently. Then he reaches out and ruffles Bellamy’s hair as he stands. He nods at Alex before heading for the hallway, the sound of his door closing reaching them a few seconds later.

Just the two of them.

“You’re not gonna ditch me, too, are you?” Bellamy asks, and Alex chuckles.

“Nah. We can watch something, get more of your boyfriend Ted Allen up on the screen.” He laughs again when Bellamy beams at him, jumping up and heading over to the couch.

They get an episode of Chopped up and running, but Bellamy keeps shifting in his seat, chewing at his nails and sighing. After a few more minutes of this, Alex mutes the TV and glances over at Bellamy.

“What’s going on?”

Bellamy shrugs, his fingers tapping nervously against his lips. “Do you think Aaron is doing okay?”

“What? Do you want to go check on him?”

“No.” Bellamy waves his hands in the air and then sighs again. “No…I mean, do you think he’s doing okay in general?”

Oh. Alex considers the question, running all of the moments he’s spent with Aaron over the break in his mind. “I think,” he starts slowly, “that he is doing okay. Not great…but I think he’s okay…yeah.”

“I want him to be doing great,” Bellamy mumbles, slumping against the couch and staring at the floor. “I hate this,” he spits out suddenly, making Alex jump. “I hate what he’s dealing with, and how he’s dealing with it, and just all of it. It all sucks, and I _hate_ it.”

Alex stares at Bellamy in shock, hesitating a moment before scooting closer to him. “Hey.” He nudges Bellamy with his knee. “I know it’s not exactly a great situation, but everyone is doing their best.” He rolls his eyes when Bellamy just snorts. “They are, aren’t they?”

“I don’t know.” Bellamy runs a hand over his face, and Alex looks closer at him, noticing for the first time how tired he looks. “I’ve just been trying so hard to make sure he’s happy, to make sure he's having fun, but I don’t know if it’s working. He barely says anything. He doesn’t _look_ happy.” Bellamy’s lower lip trembles just a bit, and Alex takes a deep breath. He’s no good at this sort of thing.

“Listen,” he starts anyway. “Aaron is in a shitty situation, and it takes a lot of energy for him to deal with it. He gets in his own head a lot, and worries a lot. But I think you bring him out of his head.” Alex pauses when Bellamy makes a disbelieving noise. “You do! Bellamy, I have never seen Aaron smile so much as when he’s with you. You’re his best friend. That’s all you need to be for him.”

Bellamy smiles at that, his expression going a little softer. “Thanks.”

“It’ll just take time,” Alex tells him firmly, hoping that it’s true. “And sometimes all we can do is watch Chopped and get lost in Ted Allen’s dreamy eyes.

Bellamy groans. “I never should have told all of you about that.” But he smiles as Alex laughs and unmutes the TV. A few minutes later, Bellamy is slowly starting to drift asleep. But he reaches out to touch Alex’s knee, getting his attention again. “Hey,” he murmurs. “You make Aaron happy, too, you know.”

Alex blinks down at him, the words taking a moment to register in his mind. “You think so?”

“Yeah,” Bellamy says. “You make him laugh. Aaron is himself around you. He likes you.”

Alex smiles at that, stomach fluttering a little. He’s sure Bellamy means Aaron likes him as a friend, not anything more, but still, it’s a nice thought.

-

New Year’s Eve arrives quickly, taking Alex by surprise.

He’s used to not really celebrating it; he’d always thought it was sort of a dumb tradition, everyone getting drunk and crowding around a TV, screaming at a gigantic ball as it drops. But everyone else in the apartment seems strangely excited for it, even Aaron.

So Alex just goes along with it, helping set up decorations and giving his input on what they’ll eat. Bellamy and Hercules are planning on going out for the night, but him, Maria, and Aaron all choose to stay in, which Alex is grateful for. No way is he going outside for hours upon hours just to freeze his ass off.

Hercules and Bellamy head out around eight, both of them vibrating with excitement. So Aaron, Maria, and Alex all crowd around the TV, Maria bringing out a bottle of wine for all three of them to split along with the pizza they ordered.

Alex peers over at Aaron as Maria pours him a glass. “You sure you’re good to drink?” He asks in a low voice, remembering what happened the last time Aaron drank. It isn’t exactly something Alex likes to think about.

“I’m fine,” Aaron assures him. “Really. I’m in a better place, and I won’t have so much. I promise.”

Alex nods slowly, figuring that he can’t do anything but believe Aaron. At least he's here to keep an eye on him from the very beginning. So they all drink and eat way too much pizza. Then Maria breaks out Clue, and Alex actually thinks that he’s better at the game when he’s tipsy, cause he figures out everything in like ten minutes. So of course Maria and Aaron accuse him of cheating, and they make him play three more times. He wins every round.

A few hours later, all of their phones chime with a text message from Hercules, showing a picture of them and Bellamy kissing in the snow.

“Why are they so goddamn cute?” Maria asks with a slight groan. “Like…it’s ridiculous. I want to be in a relationship. It’s been years.”

“You broke up with James at the end of the summer,” Aaron tells her with a small smile, but Alex can see some concern there, too. “What? You can’t actually miss him?”

“Not _him_ exactly.” Maria sighs and rubs at her wine glass where some of her lipstick is sticking to the surface. “I miss having someone who just…understood me, right? Like…obviously James wasn’t the best, at all, but…I didn’t have to explain anything to him or worry about what he thought, to an extent. He _knew_ me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’re done, I’m glad I ended it, but…”

“It just takes time,” Aaron murmurs, and Alex hums as he takes a sip from his glass. He doesn’t know who James is, and he really doesn’t know Maria, so he’s not sure if he should jump in. “You’ll find someone. Someone better than him.”

Maria snorts and waves a dismissive hand in the air. “Maybe by some miracle I do find someone, but finding them is the _easy_ part. Sure we flirt, exchange numbers, go on a couple dates, but then I have to make a decision. At some point they’re going to want to see the goods.” Maria gestures at herself. “So I tell them, even though it’s none of their fucking business, really, that I started HRT in high school. And sure, some people are just fucking _decent_ people and don’t care. But eight of out of ten times that weirds people out. They don’t get it, they get nervous and twitchy and then they’re running out the door.” Maria takes a long drink from her glass and shrugs.

Alex shifts, unsure of what to say, but then Aaron is setting his glass down and scooting over to Maria, kissing her cheek before throwing his arms around her. “We’re gonna talk more about this later, but right now…” He pulls back and looks at Maria. “I’ll marry you, how does that sound? Make all those assholes see what they’re missing.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Maria says with a chuckle, patting Aaron’s cheek. “I’d love to be Mrs. Burr some day.” Maria peers over at Alex and grins with a hint of mischief in her eyes. “Wouldn’t you, Alex?”

He splutters into his drink, coughing violently for a moment before glaring at Maria. “No,” he grumbles, but Maria and Aaron just laugh. “Shut up.”

“Give us something to talk about then,” Maria says teasingly. “When was the last hot date you went on?”

Alex looks down at the contents of his glass, considers ‘accidentally’ spilling it so he has an excuse to leave and avoid this question, but instead he just sighs, the noise sounding dramatic even to his own ears. “Never,” he says eventually, shrugging in what he hopes is a casual way. “I just…you know, I wasn’t exactly Mr. Popular in high school. People thought I was too…loud.” Alex knows ‘loud’ isn’t the right word, but his mind can’t, or doesn’t want to, find it.

“That’s fine,” Aaron says. “It is!” He says louder after Alex scoffs. “I only dated once before coming to college, if you can call sneaking into dirty school bathrooms to make out dating.” He laughs when Maria elbows him in the stomach. “I went to an all boys private high school, which I mean,” Aaron shrugs, smile growing wider, “that was fine with me, but there weren’t a lot of places to openly kiss your boyfriend.”

“So it was a boyfriend,” Alex points out, jealousy flaring inside of him before he can stop it. “You had a boyfriend.”

“I guess. I mean, he was nice, we got ice cream a few times, kissed, but…” Aaron trails off, smile slipping a little. “Honestly I had more of a relationship with Thomas than I did with the guy from high school.”

“What’s Thomas doing for the holidays, anyway?” Maria asks, clearly not noticing the way that Aaron’s posture has stiffened. “You two made up didn’t you?”

“I guess,” Aaron responds flatly. “I mean, he helped me after that night. But I don’t know. Everything’s different.” He pauses to take a drink. “I’m guessing he’s spending the holiday with James.”

“Madison?” Maria asks, and Alex sees the amusement flit across her face. “Of course they’d be together. Whenever Madison talks, which is rarely, it’s about Thomas. That’s cute.”

Alex keeps his eyes on Aaron, watching his face fall just a little more. Alex shifts forward, the contents of his glass sloshing around, but then he blurts out. “John was my first kiss.” He licks his lips as Maria and Aaron both turn to stare at him. “Like…ever, basically. He was my first kiss.”

“Oh.” Maria leans back against the couch, her attention off of Aaron now. “Nice. Was it nice?”

Alex nods. “Sure. I mean, yeah. It was nice.” He grins into his glass as he takes another drink. “Second time was better.” He chuckles as Maria whistles, and chances a peek over at Aaron, who is watching him with interest. “We made out over Thanksgiving break.” He looks closer at Aaron, whose eyebrows had flown up at the last statement.

“Why isn’t he here?” He asks, clearing his throat. “Or why aren't you with him? I mean, are you two…”

“No,” Alex murmurs. “We’re not dating. We’re not really…we’re just friends.” He rolls his eyes when Maria snorts. “We _are_. I mean, I thought maybe, but…” He shrugs. “It just didn’t feel right with him.” Alex forces his eyes not to go over to Aaron.

“Well,” Maria says with a sigh, smiling at the two of them. “Aren’t we a cheery group? Bunch of single, horny college kids.”

Aaron throws his head back to laugh, and Alex feels a smile tug at his own lips. He’s glad he met Maria. She’s funny. And blunt. It’s strange how close her and Aaron are, but Alex supposes they’re sort of similar, in a weird way. Kind of like him and Aaron.

“You’re always horny,” Aaron tells Maria once he’s stopped laughing.

“Can’t argue with that,” Maria shoots back, and then she’s sitting up straighter, her eyes on the TV, which is starting the thirty second countdown. “Hey! It’s almost midnight. Hey…” Maria’s eyes light up, and she turns to grin at them. “Since we’re a bunch of lonely and horny kids, we should kiss each other!”

“What?” Alex squeaks out as Aaron just laughs again.

“We should kiss,” Maria repeats, saying it casually as if it isn’t making Alex have a minor heart attack. “Everyone on the TV is about to be kissing, and we know wherever Bellamy and Hercules are, they’ll be kissing. So let’s kiss! Spread the love! I love you guys, I don’t mind. It’ll be a friendship kiss.”

“You’re insane,” Aaron says, but he’s smiling at Maria, and then he’s laughing as she takes his face in her hands and kisses him right on the mouth. “Maria! You're so-” He’s cut off again with another kiss, Maria making exaggerated smacking sounds. “Insane,” Aaron says again when she pulls away.

“Alex?” Maria asks, ignoring Aaron and looking at him instead. “May we share a New Year’s kiss?”

Alex blinks at her, but then he shrugs. “Why the fuck not?”

“Why the fuck not!” Maria cheers, scooting over to him and throwing her arms around his neck. She presses her lips to his, kissing him with intent and Alex is almost knocked over by the force of it. Maria pulls away with a laugh, pinching one of Alex’s cheeks. “I get why John wanted to kiss you so much. Alright, Aaron’s turn!”

Alex feels his breath catch as he looks over at Aaron behind Maria’s shoulder. He’s rolling his eyes, but already starting to come over to Alex. Maria moves to give him room, and starts to chant ‘kiss, kiss, kiss!’ from her spot, the words adding to the rushing sound in Alex’s ears. Then, Aaron is right in front of him.

“This okay?” Aaron murmurs, drawing back a little to look at Alex. “We don’t have to.”

Alex parts his lips, meaning to say something, but he’s so distracted by Aaron’s face being so close to his own. He can see some of Maria’s lipstick smudged on Aaron’s mouth. Alex knows that he should say no, that he likes Aaron, that this will just complicate things, but he wants it, too. And it’s just casual for Aaron, no feelings attached, so…

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “It’s fine. I mean, if you want to, but if-“ Alex stops speaking the moment a pair of lips are on his own, the rest of his words crashing to a halt, breaking apart on the tip of his tongue, and then scattering around the room in the gasp that leaves him. Alex has thought about kissing Aaron a lot, more than he would ever admit. But he never thought it would be like this.

The kiss is soft, lips closed but warm, a gentle pressure. Alex leans into it just a fraction, inhaling shakily through his nose, and forcing himself not to put his hands anywhere. He digs his fingers into the carpet. He’s always heard that everything is supposed to vanish when you kiss the person you like. But everything is amplified. Aaron is all around him. Alex can feel and hear everything, every breath and every movement of their lips. Everything is Aaron, and it’s-

“HAPPY NEW YEARS!” Maria shouts from behind them, and Alex jerks away, away from Aaron, and away from the kiss, his face immediately heating up, his heart threatening to break out of his chest.

He kissed Aaron. He, Alexander Hamilton, just kissed Aaron Burr.

“ _I’m_ insane,” Alex breathes out, ignoring the weird look that Aaron gives him. “I’ve completely lost it. I’m in an alternate reality.” He continues to mutter under his breath, but his words get drowned out by Maria turning up the volume of the TV, still cheering.

Alex turns his attention to the screen, watching as balloons confetti rains down on the crowds of people, most of them kissing someone or laughing and clapping. It’s basically a mirror image of what is going on in Alex’s body.

“Nice,” Maria says finally, giving the TV a satisfied nod. “Well, I’m beat.” She stands up and yawns loudly. “Man, it’s the same every New Year’s. Soon as it’s midnight, I want to pass out. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” She blows them each a kiss before heading to her bedroom.

“I’m like…weirdly wide awake,” Alex says after a brief silence, his body feeling electrified. “Do you, uh, want to watch something?” He doesn't want Aaron to leave yet. For some reason it would feel weird to kiss and then just part ways.

“Yeah.” Aaron stands up. “Want some water?” He smiles when Alex nods, disappearing into the kitchen for a moment before returning with two cups. He hands one to Alex and then sits beside him.

Alex is just flipping through the channels, trying to find something, when he feels Aaron’s head on his shoulders. Jumping a little, Alex turns and looks down to see Aaron leaning on him. “You okay?” He smiles when Aaron just hums. “You’re not drunk, are you?”

“No,” Aaron says with a small laugh. “Haven’t been drunk for a while, just a little tipsy. You?”

“I’m good.” Alex continues to flip through the channels, stomach fluttering as Aaron nuzzles his shoulder. Apparently he’s cuddly when he’s drunk, which is kind of hilarious to Alex. He never pictured Aaron as being cuddly, or at least not comfortable enough to cuddle with him. But then he remembers what Bellamy had told him.

_“Aaron is himself around you. He likes you.”_

“Hey, Aaron,” Alex starts, remembering everything else that Bellamy had said. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” Aaron murmurs back. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Sally.”

Aaron hums again, softer this time. Then he sighs, shifting until he’s on his back, head in Alex’s lap as he stares up at him. “What about Sally?”

Alex chews at his lip as he thinks. This is a sensitive topic, and he knows one wrong word or facial expression could make Aaron upset. “Just…the phone call,” he says slowly. “You never really said anything about it, which is…you know, I get it. You don’t have to tell us anything, but…was it a bad phone call?”

Aaron takes a deep breath, chest rising and falling. “It wasn’t bad, I guess. I mean, she’s safe but…” Aaron pauses, and then lets out a short huff of laughter, but his eyes are dark. “But I still don’t know anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“She won’t tell me anything,” Aaron continues, sounding angry. “She just…she tells me she’s doing it for me, for both of us, and that she loves me and wishes things were different but…but I don’t know. I don’t want her to be gone. And I still don’t know how to contact her, or when she’ll call next, or where she is. And I hate it.”

“Do you believe her?” Alex asks gently. “Do you believe that what she’s doing is for both of you?”

“I guess. It makes it easier if I believe her. But I don’t know. I just…” Aaron trails off, and Alex sees his jaw clench. “It was also easier when we were together. I don’t like dealing with all of this by myself.”

Alex nods, even though he doesn’t understand. He’s always dealt with things by himself, almost prefers it that way. People trying to help usually just messes things up. “You know you don’t have to deal with all of this by yourself though, right?”

Aaron grimaces, tilting his head away. “I don’t want to complain about it all the time. No one wants to hear about it. It makes them uncomfortable.”

“How do you know that?” Alex asks, raising his eyebrows. “Aaron.” He waits until Aaron is looking at him again before continuing. “No one is asking about it because we’re worried talking about it will upset you. And maybe that’s bad, maybe we should be taking initiative, but we’re all kind of…floundering.”

“I am, too,” Aaron says with a short laugh.

“So we’re floundering together, then.”

“Yeah,” Aaron murmurs, his lips twitching just a bit. “I guess we are.”

Alex smiles down at him, and then they both turn to the TV, watching whatever random channel Alex landed on. It doesn’t take long for both of them to fall asleep, Aaron’s head still resting in Alex’s lap.

-

The rest of break goes by quickly, and before Alex knows it, the day to move back into the dorms is upon him.

Aaron walks halfway with him before veering off in another direction, giving Alex a small smile before disappearing into the crowds of students also moving back. Alex watches him walk away for a few seconds, a swirl of complicated emotions inside him.

Spending break with Aaron had been interesting, to say the least. They’d gotten closer, but Alex isn’t sure how good of a thing that is. And that kiss…Alex sighs as he shifts his bag onto his other shoulder. That kiss had messed with him. He’d known that it would be stupid to do, but he also can’t regret it. He just wishes he could tell Aaron how he feels. He just-

“Oh!” A voice cries out right as Alex feels his shoulder collide with another person.

He staggers back, rubbing at his shoulder as he looks to see a girl crouching down to pick up the box that had fallen out of her arms when Alex ran into her.

“Shit, sorry.” Alex bends down, too, grabbing some of the books that had spilled. He straightens up to put them in the box, which is back in the girl’s grip. “Wasn’t paying attention.”

“That’s okay.” She gives him a small smile, and Alex can’t help but think that she looks strangely familiar. “I was rushing. I planned to be done moving back in an hour ago. I don’t like being behind schedule, makes me restless.”

“I feel it,” Alex says with a chuckle. He peers closer at the girl, taking in her dark hair and bright smile. “I’m Alex, by the way.”

“Eliza.”

“Schuyler?” Alex asks, her face clicking in his mind. “I’ve seen pictures of you!”

“I-I’m sorry?” Eliza asks, her eyes widening, and Alex mentally slaps himself for sounding so creepy.

“Sorry, not in a stalker way,” he rushes to explain. “I stayed at your house for Thanksgiving, with your sisters and a few other people when you were abroad. There were pictures of you there. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh.” Eliza laughs, her expression changing to amusement. “Well, that’s certainly less weird than what was coming across.” She grins when Alex chuckles, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “And you're Alexander Hamilton, right? I’ve heard a lot about you, too. Interesting things.”

Alex groans. “Great.”

“Don’t worry,” Eliza tells him. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to fix the reputation my sisters have given you.” She shifts the box again, and seems to be looking at something behind Alex. “Listen," she glances back at him, "it was really nice to meet you, and I’d love to keep talking, but this box is really heavy, and I’ve got people helping me move in, so.”

“Right, right.” Alex rubs at the back of his neck and steps out of her way. “Sorry. I’ll, uh, see you around.” He gives her a small wave as she walks away, watching as she makes her way over to a tall girl with brown, curly hair who is standing a few feet away, watching them. She takes the box from Eliza, both of them smiling, and then they’re walking towards one of the buildings.

Making it back to his building takes longer than Alex remembers, but finally he’s there, unlocking his door and slipping inside. He collapses on his bed with a grunt, wriggling around until he’s comfortable, which takes a while. He hates the dorm beds. They’re stiff and weird and stupid. Alex huffs in frustration and rolls onto his back, feeling weirdly empty. His room is so quiet. Was it always this quiet? He flops onto his stomach and tries to punch his pillow into a more comfortable shape. But nothing is working. He’s restless and tired and uncomfortable.

He can’t help but think that his bed would be much nicer if Aaron were in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick S/O to Kel for helping me/talking to me about Maria's character. You're a champ.
> 
> THEY KISSED. Figured 17 chapters was about time. Though who knows how long it'll be till the next one???
> 
> ALSO ELIZA. AND THEODOSIA. THEY ARE HERE. THEY ARE COMING. Double date, t-minus two chapters (I think I may have promised next chapter, but I want Aaron to meet Theo first and for the date to be in Alex's POV, so).
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies. :D


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient for me to update.
> 
> This chapter is setting up a few more things we need to get through before the real fun begins.
> 
> Enjoy! x

Getting settled after break takes longer than Aaron is used to. Usually he’s ready to dive right back into classes. Usually Aaron can’t wake for break to end. But this time is different.

And he doesn’t know why.

It had been nicer than he thought it would, to be around his friends all of winter break. He can’t even imagine what it would have been like to go home for a month, to sit in his home, suffocating in the silence and in his uncle’s endless, probing questions. He’s glad that instead he’d been surrounding by Bellamy’s enthusiasm, even if it was overwhelming at times. And being around Maria was always an interesting experience, but Herc’s calmness had been a nice balance to it all. And Alexander…

Sometimes Aaron still doesn’t know what to make of Alexander. One minute he’s practically smothering Aaron with attention, but the next he’s pulling away, becoming suddenly distant with a strange expression on his face that Aaron can never understand. It makes Aaron think that he’s doing something wrong.

Maybe they just aren’t as close as Aaron thought they were.

But Alexander had been the one to come check on him, multiple times. And somehow, much to Aaron’s surprise, he’d done it in a way that hadn’t made Aaron feel crazy or more upset. Thinking back on it, being dragged to a Build-A-Bear shouldn’t have cheered Aaron up, but somehow it did. And Alexander was the one to talk to him about Sally, to get _him_ to talk about Sally, which is no easy feat. 

Aaron feels like him and Alexander are close, that they’re friends. But there are just strange, small moments where something feels off. Alexander is always surprising him. And confusing him. And Aaron just doesn’t know what he’s missing, what he isn’t understanding.

Aaron sighs as he goes through his backpack, double-checking to make sure that he has everything he needs. He only has one class, so at least it’ll be a short day. Plus it’s a 10am, which is good. He didn’t have to wake up early or rush to get ready. He likes being able to take his time.

His class is some public policy class, he can’t remember the title. But Professor Montgomery is teaching it, someone who Aaron has only heard good things about. He hopes all that talk is true. It’s probably a bad habit to get into, only taking a class because of the professor, but Aaron had felt limited in the classes he could take for his majors. None of them had looked particularly interesting.

Aaron gets to the classroom about ten minutes early, wanting to make sure he could get a good seat. He takes one in the front, over near the windows, and then starts pulling out some of his things, a notebook and a folder in case they get more papers than just the syllabus. He reaches in for a pen next, panicking when he doesn’t find one right away.

He’s still digging around in his bag when he feels more than hears someone else approaching him, but he keeps searching anyway. There has to be a pen in there somewhere, there’s no way that he left without one, not on the first day, there has to-

“Need a pen?” A voice asks, and Aaron looks up to meet the eyes of a girl standing in front of him, a sympathetic smile on her face and a pen in her hand, which she extends towards Aaron. “Don’t worry,” she continues, laughing and drawing Aaron’s attention to her lips, which are shaded with a deep purple color that compliments her smooth, brown complexion. “One time I forgot my entire backpack on the first day. I tried to play it off like I just didn’t care, like I did it on purpose, but I kind of wanted to cry.”

Aaron laughs at that, surprised at the easy manner in which she’s talking to him. He reaches out to take the pen. “Thanks. Not as bad as forgetting my backpack, but there were definitely tears coming, so, thanks.” _You already said that_ , Aaron tells himself, feeling stupid, but the girl just laughs again.

“I brought a few extras for today, cause I know there will be some others who forgot, and I know how much Professor Montgomery loves teaching an entire lesson the first day.”

“You’ve had Montgomery before?” Aaron asks, watching as the girl nods, the tight curls of her afro bouncing slightly around her face.

“Last semester. I’m actually the TA for this class.” Theodosia pauses there to smile and wave at someone else who just walked in before turning back to Aaron. “I’m majoring in African American Studies, with a focus in Race and Public Policies, so that’s why I took this class. It’s good. Montgomery is good. You’ll like it.”

Aaron nods, wondering if that’s true. He’s never exactly been crazy passionate about his classes, but maybe this class might change that. It’s certainly off to a good start. He looks up when the door opens again, a man walking in who Aaron assumes is the professor.

“I should go,” Theodosia says, gesturing over to the professor with a smile that makes Aaron smile right back, surprised at how at ease _he_ feels talking to her. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” Aaron murmurs as Theodosia walks away, engaging the professor in conversation. He watches her for a few more seconds before turning his attention back to his things, clicking the pen Theodosia had given him and writing the title of the class on the first notebook page.

Class gets started a few minutes later, everyone introducing themselves and going through the whole icebreaker process, which Aaron hates. Then the syllabus is handed out, and Aaron is happy to see that there are no group projects lined up, just some papers and exams, even the pop quizzes don’t bother him too much. He’s always been good at pop quizzes.

The rest of the class is pretty routine. Montgomery seems nice enough, animated and clearly likes the topic. But Aaron finds himself struggling to pay attention anyway. His eyes keep going back to Theodosia, his stomach doing a few, strange flips whenever she catches him looking, sending small smiles in his direction.

Montgomery ends class about five minutes early, and Aaron slowly puts his stuff away as everyone else clamors out of their seats and bounds out of the room as fast as they can. But Aaron loiters a bit, glancing over at Theodosia, thinking he’ll give her back her pen and then try to talk to her a bit more. Theodosia, however, is deep in conversation with Montgomery, both of them looking at copies of the syllabus, so Aaron puts his backpack on and makes his way out of the room, figuring he’ll just talk to her next class.

He’s about halfway across campus when Aaron realizes where his feet are taking him.

To Thomas’s.

He pauses in his tracks. He always used to go visit Thomas after classes. And sure, it was usually for a mutual orgasm, but they'd also hang out sometimes. Talk. Trade stories back and forth. He misses that. A lot. He misses Thomas.

Aaron realizes that he hasn’t talked to Thomas since _that_ night, since the night he told him everything. They’d sort of made up, but that night is kind of a blur to Aaron, and the next morning had been a lot of emotion, tears and nerves spilling from him in waves. Aaron wants to believe they’re friends again, but he’s not sure.

His phone vibrating in his pocket breaks him from his thoughts, and he unlocks it to see a text from Alexander, asking him to lunch. Aaron stares at the text, chewing at the inside of his cheek as he thinks. He taps out a quick response, declining but rain checking for dinner, and then he pulls up Thomas’s contact.

_< << Can we get lunch? Or just coffee? I want to catch up._

He goes with ‘I want catch up’ instead of ‘I want to talk to you’, hoping it comes across as less weird. He takes a deep breath as he sends it, nerves bubbling under his skin as those three dots appear under his text moments later.

_> >> I hate coffee_

Aaron rolls his eyes at Thomas’s response. Still the same old asshole.

_< << You can watch me drink coffee and get something else, then._

_> >> How exciting. I’m sold. I’ll meet you at the café in about ten minutes._

Aaron nods at the message, shooting back a confirmation before pocketing his phone and starting to walk.

Aaron gets to the café about fifteen minutes later. He glances around before getting a table for two, figuring that Thomas is running a little late. He hopes Maria will be there, but when footsteps approach the table moments later, Aaron looks up to see James Madison standing there instead, a hesitant expression on his face.

“Uh,” Aaron says blankly, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Hey.” He watches as James just nods in response, looking just less than thrilled at seeing Aaron. “I’m actually waiting for one other person so, uhm, it’s actually-“

“Thomas,” James finishes before Aaron can, nodding again. “I know. He told me.”

“Right. Okay, good. Yeah.” Aaron shifts in his seat, praying that Thomas will walk in and end this conversation. But he’s still nowhere in sight.

“Do you want to order a drink?” James asks, already pulling out a pencil and a notepad from his apron. “Knowing Thomas, he could be anywhere from five to twenty minutes late.”

Aaron laughs at that, feeling at least some of the tension leave as James gives him a wry smile. “Uh, yeah. Just…just a coffee.”

“Cream and sugar?”

Aaron nods, and then James is walking away, giving him a chance to take a couple deep breaths and regain some of his composure. He should have known that there would be a chance James would be here. And now this whole idea is going to be a mess. How is Aaron supposed to talk to Thomas about everything with James hovering around? Maybe he should just leave, make up an excuse to get out of there.

But before Aaron can put that thought into action, James is returning with his coffee, so Aaron just shifts in his chair again and tries his best to look calm. But then James just stands there, staring, and Aaron can feel his palms getting sweaty.

“I’m sorry,” James says suddenly, taking Aaron by complete surprise. He shoves his hands into the pocket of his apron and stares seriously at Aaron. “For being weird whenever you came in last semester. I didn’t mean for it to come across so harsh.”

“That’s fine. Or…I mean, you…it wasn’t harsh. It’s fine.” Aaron says all of this in a rush, hoping that James will notice how uncomfortable he is and drop it. But then James is pulling out a chair and sitting down across from Aaron. “Really, it’s fine. You don’t have to-“

“I didn’t know,” James cuts him off, mouth turned down into a frown. “I didn’t know all the details of everything that was going on. I just assumed that I knew, filled in the blanks myself, which I shouldn’t have.”

Aaron fidgets more in his seat, wondering what details James knows now. “James, really, it’s…it’s okay. I…you probably have every right to not like me, I wasn’t exactly-“

“Had,” James corrects him, one side of his mouth quirking up into a smile. “I didn’t like you, before, but I didn’t _know_ you.”

 _You still don’t_ , Aaron wants to say, but he bites at his tongue and tries to smile back. “Well, thanks.” He fiddles with his coffee cup, tapping his fingers against the rim, but James keeps sitting there, his eyes settled on Aaron’s face in a very unsettling way.

“I just don’t want things to be awkward,” James continues, either completely oblivious to Aaron’s discomfort or just not caring. “Thomas cares about you. I hope we can be friends.”

Aaron swallows slowly, but then he jerks his head down in a nod. “Yeah, that…that would be nice. Sure.” He searches his mind for something else to say when James still doesn’t get up. “And I’m sorry for messing up your guys’s date that one night, I-“ He stops when James waves his hand in the air dismissively.

“No need. That was more important.” He pauses and smiles at Aaron. “Besides, we rescheduled. Things are good, so, no worries.”

“I’m glad,” Aaron says, a little surprised to find how earnestly the words come out. “For you and Thomas. I’m…you’re good for him.” _Better than me_ , he adds silently in his head, but he pushes past that thought. “I don’t know what he told you, and I don’t need to, but I just…” Aaron pauses, struggling to find the right words. “I never meant to…to lead him on, or whatever, or to get in the way for you two. I…I guess I didn’t know, either.”

James stares at him after that, gaze searching, but then he nods in one smooth motion. “Okay,” he says, and then a smile starts to spread across his face. “I guess in a weird way I should thank you. I mean, maybe it’s pathetic, but I looked forward to Thomas coming in every now and then to talk to me about all his problems. Sure, it got annoying, but even now that we’re dating, he still complains about things daily, so, not that different.”

Aaron snorts, not even having to imagine that. “That doesn’t surprise me. He’s an avid complainer. One time I took one of his water bottles without asking, and he tracked me down on campus and started telling me how water bottles are for Wednesday’s and Friday’s when he has classes for four hours, and that I should have used a cup. Like…he complained about it for a week.”

James laughs loudly, and then leans forward on the table. “I can beat that. I left my socks at his place once, taking some of his by accident. I get a phone call with him freaking the fuck out, asking about the socks, and of course I can’t find them and he literally makes me pick him up so we can go shopping to find that exact brand of socks.”

Aaron starts laughing, too, and soon both of them are doubled over the table, gasping for breath, and that’s when the bell on the door jingles, and both of them look up to see Thomas walking over. For some reason that just makes both of them start laughing even harder.

“What’s going on?” Thomas asks, looking almost offended at the fact that him and James are hanging out. “Stop. What’s so funny?”

“Don’t worry about it,” James manages to say through another laugh. He stands up and presses a kiss to Thomas’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.” He turns to Aaron. “You, too, Aaron. And the coffee is on the house.”

Aaron nods his thanks, still biting back his laughter as Thomas takes James’ vacated seat, looking disgruntled. “You’re late,” Aaron tells him, smiling when Thomas glares at him.

“I said _around_ twelve, not _exactly_ twelve. You didn’t have to be so punctual.” Thomas leans back in his chair and taps his long fingers against the table, eyes flicking around the café before settling on Aaron. “So, what is this all about?”

Aaron takes a deep breath. “I, uh, well, I just wanted to say thanks, I guess, for helping me that night.” He pauses there to see if Thomas will see anything, but he just nods, still staring silently. “I really needed help,” Aaron continues. “And I’m glad it was you. Even after everything that-“

“I would have come no matter what,” Thomas interrupts, voice crisp. “Aaron, you could have punched me in the face and I still would have come.”

“Why would I punch you in the face?”

“It was just an example,” Thomas says with a roll of his eyes, but then he sighs and looks closer at Aaron, mouth starting to curve into a smile. “I’m trying to say that you don’t need to do this.” Thomas waves a hand between them. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“I just…I haven’t done a very good job lately of telling people things, so I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, for all that happened.” He picks at his sleeve, feeling weirdly formal saying it, but he does think it needs to be said. “I want us to be fine, I want us to be _more_ than fine. I want to be friends.”

“We are,” Thomas tells him, voice soft. But then he’s smirking, waving his hand in the air again. “All is forgiven,” he announces dramatically, making Aaron snort. “Do we need to do some sort of toast? Make a speech to the entire café?”

“Maybe another time.”

“You’re no fun.”

Aaron ignores that and takes a sip of his coffee. “So you’ll start hanging out with all of us again?” He asks. “You can bring James, too. Everyone would like him.”

Thomas hums, eyes narrowing. “I don’t know how I feel about you two becoming pals. Plus James thinks a majority of our friend group is insufferable, which honestly he isn't wrong about. But I’ll come back. I should have known that you’d all be suffering without me.”

Aaron just raises his eyebrows, figuring it would be best not to respond to that. “Well, I should probably go. I’ve got a shit ton of laundry to do.”

Thomas scrunches up his nose and looks Aaron up and down. “Are you wearing dirty clothes right now?” He scoffs when Aaron just grins, waving his hand in the air as if he could get Aaron to disappear that way. “Please save us all and do your laundry immediately.”

“See you, Thomas,” Aaron tells him with a laugh, smiling when Thomas laughs back. This is good. They’re good.

Aaron steps out of the café in considerably higher spirits. He makes it about five steps before he's almost running into someone. He stumbles back, looking up to apologize to the person when he realizes that it’s Theodosia.

“Oh,” he says, blinking a few times. “Hey!” Was the too enthusiastic?

“Hey,” she says back, smiling brightly when she recognizes him. “Aaron, right?”

He nods, feeling weirdly happy that she remembered. “Yeah. Sorry for running into you.”

“Definitely not the appropriate way to repay me for giving you a pen earlier,” Theodosia jokes, making Aaron laugh. “I mean, I practically saved your life.”

“You did,” Aaron agrees. “I don’t think I’ve written so many notes before in my life.”

Theodosia laughs, too, the sound loud and bright. “I’m glad I could save the day then. But you know,” she looks at him seriously. “I’m gonna need that pen back.”

“Oh!” Aaron exclaims, already starting to take his backpack off. He’s pretty sure the pen is at the very bottom of his backpack, but he can grab it. “Sorry! I shouldn’t have assumed that I could just keep it, that’s-“

“Aaron.” Theodosia says his name with another laugh, and when Aaron looks back up, she’s looking down at him with a fond expression. “I’m kidding.”

Aaron blinks at her, feeling his face heat up. “Right. I knew that.” He straightens up. “I’m usually better at picking up on sarcasm.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Theodosia tells him with a shrug. “I’ve yet to meet someone who can do sarcasm better than me.”

Aaron chuckle, thinking that Alexander could definitely give her a run for her money. “I’ll definitely have to practice learning it then.”

“You should,” Theodosia says, tone serious before breaking into another wide smile. “Well, I’ll see you Wednesday, then? Sorry to cut this short, but I’m meeting someone.” She nods at the café, and smiles as Aaron moves out of her way. “See you, Aaron.”

He waves his goodbye, watching her walk through the door before turning around, a smile still tugging at his own lips.

He does do his laundry when he gets back to the dorm, not quite ready to start doing the reading for his class yet. It takes almost two hours, and when he’s done Aaron flops down onto his bed, feeling content. It had been a good day. First days for him are rarely good, so it’s kind of surprising.

And he can’t stop his mind from going back to Theodosia.

She’s nice. More than nice, really. And she’s pretty, with a bright smile that makes Aaron’s stomach flutter. More than that, she’s easy to talk to. And she doesn’t seem to find Aaron too weird. It’s been a while since he’s been able to talk to someone so easily.

He’s definitely looking forward to seeing her again.

Around six, Aaron gets another text from Alexander, telling him that all of their friends are heading over to the dining hall for dinner, and that Aaron better be there. So Aaron makes sure he has his phone before walking over as well. When he gets there, all of his friends are already there, most of them facing someone Aaron can’t see, talking excitedly.

He spots Thomas sitting at the table as well, James by his side, and he nods to both of them, getting simultaneous nods in return. When he gets closer, Aaron spots Eliza at the center of all the attention, and when they make eye contact, Aaron smiles and waves. He forgot she'd be back this semester. 

“Welcome back,” he tells her, sliding into the spot beside Alexander, who quickly scoots to give Aaron more room. “How was studying abroad?”

“It was amazing,” Eliza tells him with a light laugh. “Feels weird to be back. Good, too, though. I missed everyone.”

“We missed you more.” Angelica tells her sister, throwing an arm around Eliza’s shoulders, laughing when Peggy leans over on Eliza’s other side to press a loud, smacking kiss to Eliza’s cheek. “Like, you’re never allowed to leave for a whole semester ever again.”

“Deal,” Eliza tells both of her sisters, all three of them laughing. Then she turns her attention to Alexander, giving him a smile. “Plus I missed so much! I can only imagine all the fun I miss with Alex joining our group.”

Everyone snickers at that, and Aaron turns to Alexander with a questioning glance.

“John and Lafayette have been telling Eliza stories,” he grumbles, shooting his two friends a glare. “False stories, I should add. Don’t listen to them,” he tells Eliza. “They’re just jealous of all my charms.”

Aaron snorts at that involuntarily, and Alexander glares at him next while everyone else laughs. “You’re very charming,” Aaron tells Alexander, trying to keep a straight face. “Really. Most charming person I know.”

“Shut up,” Alexander says, but there’s a sign of a smile on his lips as he stares at Aaron, shaking his head. “I’m more charming than _you_.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Bellamy cuts in, leaning over the table to join their conversation. “I’ve seen Aaron flirt firsthand. He’s deadly when he wants to be.”

Aaron throws a napkin at Bellamy before turning back to Alexander, noticing that his face seemed a little flushed. “How were your classes?” He asks, trying to change the topic.

“Good.” Alexander sits up a little straighter, an excited light in his eyes. “I had two today. And they were both pretty cool. Lots of papers though. But I think I’ll be okay. If I just make a schedule for myself early I’ll be fine. What about you?”

“Pretty good,” Aaron says with a shrug. “Just one class for me. It was a public policy one.”

“With Montgomery?” Eliza asks, drawing Aaron’s attention to her. “And Theodosia as the TA?”

Aaron turns, facing Eliza a little more, feeling his stomach flutter at the mention of Theodosia’s name. “Yeah! You know Theodosia?”

Eliza nods, her own cheeks growing pink. “I do! I met her over the summer. We-“

“Who’s Theodosia?” Alexander asks, eyes narrowed as his gaze flicks between Eliza and Theodosia.

“I just met her today,” Aaron says. “She’s nice, though.”

“She is!” Eliza agrees, smiling widely. “I-“ She cuts off as Angelica asks her a question Aaron doesn’t catch, and then he’s looking to his side as Alexander nudges him with his elbow.

“Who’s Theodosia?” He asks again.

“I told you. I just met her. She’s the TA for one of my classes.”

“Why does talking about her make your face look like that?” Alexander asks bluntly, his own face serious, Aaron would even say almost disappointed. “You like her.”

Aaron hushes him, peering around at their friends to make sure no one heard that. “Can you be quiet?” He hisses. “I don’t need you to announce it to the whole world.”

“So you do. Like her, I mean.”

Aaron rolls his eyes at the question. But he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t respond because he isn’t sure.

It’s been a long time since Aaron has liked anybody. He’s been so caught up in everything with Sally and his uncle that he never stopped to consider dating someone. But now that things have kind of settled down, well, maybe he should start thinking about it.

He looks at Alexander, who is staring back at him with somewhat of a grim expression that makes Aaron laugh. “Why are you looking at me with a face like _that?_ ” He teases, confused when Alexander looks away so quickly, his shoulders tense.

“My face doesn’t look like anything,” he responds glumly, stabbing at his food with his fork. “I’m just surprised you like someone, that’s all.”

“Well first of all,” Aaron starts, “I never said I did like her. And second of all, why is that weird? I’m allowed to like someone. It’s happened before.” He pauses there, and then shrugs, exhaling slowly. “I mean, it’s been awhile, but it…it might be nice, to date someone.” He shrugs again when Alexander whips his head around to stare at Aaron. “Don’t you think?”

Alexander’s face goes red at the question, and his eyes turn back to his food. “I guess,” he mutters, and then he’s shoving food in his mouth, ending the conversation and leaving Aaron to his own thoughts.

The rest of dinner goes by pretty smoothly, everyone mainly talking to Eliza. Aaron had almost forgotten what is was like to have Eliza with them. She’s kind and funny, a sharp sense of humor that always takes him by surprise. Her and Alexander seem to get a long, which is somewhat of a shock. Aaron can’t think of two people who are more different. But they talk and laugh together throughout dinner, so Aaron turns to Bellamy, talking to him instead.

They all head back to their dorms around seven, and Aaron spends most of the walk going over that conversation he had with Alexander. Would he want to date Theodosia? It seems crazy to even consider it, seeing as he’s only known her for a day. And why had Alexander been so weird about it? Aaron knows that he’s never dated anyone before, so maybe he just finds the whole idea overwhelming.

Aaron is gathering stuff for his classes tomorrow when there’s a knock on his door around eight. Aaron wonders if he forgot that he was meeting with someone, but when he opens it, Alexander is standing there breathlessly, a determined expression on his face.

“Alexander?” Aaron asks, stepping back as Alexander brushes past him. “What is it?” He watches as Alexander turns, looking somewhat pale. “What’s wrong?”

Alexander squares his shoulders as he takes a deep breath, really starting to concern Aaron. “I want to do a double date,” he blurts out, making Aaron’s eyes widen.

“I-“

“Me with Eliza and you with Theodosia,” Alexander continues, clearly not very interested in what Aaron has to say. “The four of us.”

“I...” Aaron blinks at him, feeling a little dumbfounded. Kind of like he just got slapped in the face. “I…I don’t know,” he says slowly, trying to let this all sink in. “I told you I don’t really know Theodosia that well and-“

“That’s what the date is for,” Alexander argues, staring at Aaron with a firm gaze. “Her and Eliza are close, and so are we.” His face flushes a little when he says that, but he keeps talking. “So it won’t be that awkward. And you…you like Theodosia, right?” He asks the question softly.

Aaron sighs, considering the question for what feels like the hundredth time that day. “I think she’s really nice,” he says finally, rolling his eyes when Alexander gives him a look. “And pretty. I don’t _know,_ Alexander. I don’t know her!” He throws his hands up in the air when Alexander continues to just stare at him, looking almost angry. “What do you want me to say?”

“Say yes!” Alexander shoots back. “You’re clearly interested! So this will help you figure out if you like her! And then if you do, and you start to date her, then this will help me get over-“ He cuts off, cheeks getting a little more red, expression growing tight. “Then I can try dating Eliza,” he finishes, looking away from Aaron. “She’s really nice. And she doesn’t seem freaked out or annoyed by me, which is rare. I…I just want to try it. I want to go on a date.”

Aaron sighs again, shaking his head, thinking that all of this is insane. But then Alexander is looking at him with wide eyes, an imploring expression on his face. “Fine,” Aaron hears himself say, confused by the weird expression that flows across Alexander’s face, almost like he’s upset despite being the one to suggest all of this. “I’ll do it,” Aaron continues even though he doesn’t feel particularly confident about any of it. “How are we going to ask?” He feels like he’s already regretting this.

“I’ll do it,” Alexander grumbles, shoulders slumped as he starts to walk back towards the door. “I’m studying with Eliza tomorrow. I’ll let you know what she says.” And then he’s walking out, not even saying goodbye, and leaving Aaron standing there, more than just a little confused.

He has no idea what just happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wait is over, my friends. The reason this fic was started, is about to happen. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR A DOUBLE DATE THAT COULD NOT GO MORE WRONG. Seriously, it's gonna be good.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation, so leave them here or over at my tumblr @fanciful-follies. 
> 
> :D


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? An early chapter? Why, yes it is.
> 
> Enjoy! x

“I look ridiculous,” Alex declares loudly, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

He huffs out a frustrated breath and stares a beat longer before tugging at his sweater, hoping that somehow that will make it look better. It doesn’t. So Alex just sighs before heading over to his bed where his phone is sitting and glares at it.

“You’re supposed to answer me,” Alex says. “That’s the whole point of having you on speakerphone as I get ready.”

“What was I supposed to say?” Aaron’s voice asks, coming across the line with a slight echo. “I can’t see you, Alexander. I can’t comment on what you look like.”

“You’re supposed to say that I look fine!”

“Well, you might not. I don’t want to lie.”

Alex sticks his tongue out at the phone, tugging at his sweater one more time before giving up and sitting down to get his shoes on. “What are you wearing?” He asks, rolling his eyes at Aaron’s responding sigh. “It’s a simple question.”

“I’m wearing pants,” Aaron starts, voice flat, “and a shirt. I might even go crazy and put my shoes on.”

“Well, you know what they say. No shoes no service.”

Aaron actually laughs at that, and Alex feels a smile tugging at his lips. But he pushes it down as he ties his shoelaces, not letting himself think about the flash of happiness that had spread through him at the sound. He needs to stop feeling so proud when he makes Aaron laughs. It’s normal for friends to laugh together.

And that’s what they are. Friends.

“I’ll head over to your place now,” Alex says as he stands up, picking up his phone and turning off speaker as he holds it to his ear. “You’re ready, right?”

Aaron hums. “Why aren’t we picking them up?”

“They just said they’d meet us there.” Alex glances one last time in the mirror before opening his door and stepping out. “I mean, neither of us have a car so it doesn’t really make sense for us to pick them up. Is it okay to just wear a sweater? Like, this place isn’t too fancy is it?”

“It’s a date, Alexander,” Aaron tells him, sounding amused. “Not a wedding.”

“I’m hanging up now. I’ll be there in five.” He hangs up before Aaron can respond and slips his phone into his pocket, taking a few deep breaths as he starts to walk across campus.

Aaron might not think it’s a big deal, going on a date, but it is for Alex. He’s never been on one. Not even when him and John had been having their…whatever it was they had. Alex has no idea what to expect. What if there is some secret rulebook he doesn’t know about? He could mess everything up. He could embarrass himself. He could embarrass himself in front of Eliza and Theodosia. He could embarrass himself in front of _Aaron_.

Deep down, Alex knows he isn’t ready for this date. Eliza is nice, and her and Alex get along. They click. Just not in the way Alex wants. Not in the way Alex feels like he does with Aaron. But Aaron doesn’t feel that way about him, that much is clear.

Alex had felt like such an idiot when Aaron had come to dinner that night, looking more flustered at the mention of Theodosia’s name than Alex has ever seen him look. And Alex had been excited to see him, had missed seeing him whenever he wanted to like he had over break. He thought things might be different after New Year’s, after they kissed. After Aaron had fallen asleep with his head in Alex’s lap.

But nothing had changed.

So Alex needs to at least _try_ to move past all of it. He refuses to just trail after Aaron for months, still harboring his ridiculous crush when Aaron doesn’t even think of him as an option. It hurts. And Alex needs to move on.

He gets to Aaron’s room and knocks on the door, rocking back on his heels as he waits for Aaron to answer. He shoves his hands in his pockets when he realizes that they’re shaking from nerves. But then Aaron is opening the door, and Alex looks him up and down before breaking into a short burst of laughter.

“We match!” He exclaims, gesturing between his and Aaron’s shirts, both of which are a deep red color. “This is great!”

Aaron stares at him for a beat, and then turns around, leaving the door open for Alex to follow him. Then he’s walking over to his closet and rummaging around, making Alex pout.

“What are you doing?”

“Changing.”

“Spoilsport,” Alex grumbles. “C’mon, Aaron, it’s okay that we match. It just proves that I have great fashion sense. Oh! Is that it?” Alex asks, grinning when Aaron glares at him over his shoulder. “You feel like I overshadow you if we match? I promise you still look good.”

“We are not going to match,” Aaron tells him firmly, grabbing a navy blue sweater off a hanger. “We’ll look stupid.”

Alex just laughs again. “I thought this was just a date?” He teases. “Not a wedding, right? So why-“ He stops there, the rest of his words getting caught in his throat as Aaron’s hands go to the hem of his sweater, pulling it over his head in one fluid motion. Then Alex is staring at Aaron’s back, the skin smooth and muscled, and Alex feels his eyes go wide as Aaron turns to face him, the new sweater now clutched in his hands. But Alex is definitely not focused on his hands.

“What?” Aaron asks, looking from Alex to his sweater. “Not a good color?”

Alex opens and closes his mouth a few times, feels like his face is on fire and prays he doesn’t look like a tomato as he trails his eyes up from Aaron’s stomach in an attempt to look him in the eyes. He tries to answer, to say the shirt is fine, more than fine, but all that comes out is a small squeak that just makes his face heat up even more.

Aaron gives him a quizzical look but then pulls the shirt on, smoothing it out with his hands before shrugging. “Well, I’m ready now, if you’re done freaking out or whatever it is you’re currently doing.”

That snaps Alex out of his haze. “I’m fine,” he says quickly, and then he clears his throat and looks away. “I’m fine.”

“You look like you’re about to throw up.”

“I’m fine,” Alex repeats firmly. There’s no way he can actually tell Aaron what he’s freaking out about. He needs to calm down. “Just a little nervous.” He shrugs a shoulder. “You know, first date and everything.”

Aaron stares at him for a long moment before nodding. “You’ll be okay. It’s just dinner.”

“I guess.” Alex shifts on his feet as Aaron grabs his phone from his desk, pocketing it. “I just…” He pauses, and Aaron raises his eyebrows, a silent sign to continue. “Do you think I’m charming?” Alex blurts out, picking at the seam of his pants when Aaron continues to just stare. “I mean, am I…you know…” Alex swallows. “Dateable?”

Aaron’s expression softens a little, or at least Alex thinks it does, hopes it does, and then he’s stepping over to Alex, knocking the back of his hand gently against Alex’s. “Obviously Eliza wouldn’t have said yes if you weren’t.” Aaron smiles when Alex scoffs, moving to open his door. “It’s gonna be fine. But if we don’t hurry up, we’ll be late, and might not even have dates.”

Alex nods and follows Aaron out of the door, his nerves still a little on edge as they start to walk. They’re mostly quiet on the way over, Alex lost in his own thoughts and attempting to keep them from straying to Aaron too much. He has no idea how the night is going to go, he just hopes it isn’t a complete disaster.

They get to the restaurant, some Italian place, around ten minutes later. Eliza and Theodosia aren’t there yet, and the hostess tells them they should expect about a five minute wait before a table clears up.

So Aaron and Alex stand off to the side, and Alex notices Aaron tense a few minutes later.

“What?” Alex asks, turning towards him. “What is it?”

“I just realized I can’t pay,” Aaron says, and Alex can hear the panic in his voice. “You know, my uncle always checks my account activity and I don’t have any cash. I mean, Theodosia might offer but I literally can’t pay and I don’t know if she was planning to or-“

“It’s okay,” Alex cuts in, reaching out with both hands to grip Aaron’s forearms, trying to calm him down. “I’ll spot you the cash.”

“Alexander, I-“

“You can pay me back,” Alex interrupts. “We’ve got two more years of college until you graduate, and if you haven’t paid me back by then, I’ll just hunt you down.” He shrugs, smiling when Aaron huffs out an amused laugh. “Okay?” Alex smoothes his hands down Aaron’s arms, nodding when he finally smiles in return, looking grateful. Then Aaron’s turning, and taking a step back, Alex’s hands falling back at his sides.

“They’re here.”

Alex turns as well, spotting Theodosia and Eliza smiling at them as they walk over. Alex’s heart speeds up a little, but manages to wave and smile back at them, Aaron doing the same beside him.

“Hey,” Alex greets once they’re close enough, smiling a little longer at Eliza, who smiles right back, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“You must be Alex,” Theodosia says, drawing his attention to her. “I’m Theodosia.” She extends a hand for Alex to shake, and he immediately likes her based on how genuinely excited she is to meet him. “Sorry we were late.”

“Theodosia really wanted to do my makeup,” Eliza says with a small laugh, smiling up at the girl beside her. “We don’t get dressed up that often, so she couldn’t resist.”

“You look nice,” Alex tells her. And she does.

“You boys clean up pretty nicely, too,” Theodosia tells them, throwing an arm around Eliza. “We’ve definitely got some competition.”

Alex laughs, feeling more at ease. “You should have seen us before Aaron changed,” Alex jokes, peering over at Aaron, who, for some reason, is watching Theodosia and Eliza closely, a weird expression on his face. “We looked even better.”

“That’s a story I want to hear more of,” Theodosia says, but then the hostess is coming over, telling them that their table is ready before leading them over to it.

There’s an awkward couple of seconds when Alex goes to sit beside Aaron so he can be across from Eliza because Theodosia had tried to take the same seat, looking surprised when Alex went for it. But they laughed it off, and Theodosia makes a joke about wanting to sit close to Eliza anyway before taking the seat beside her.

“I’m so glad they have breadsticks,” Eliza murmurs a few minutes later once they’ve gotten drinks and appetizers. “I love breadsticks. I totally embarrassed Theo one time by just ordering breadsticks and nothing else.”

“Everyone was looking at us and judging!” Theodosia answers with a laugh, turning to shake her head at Aaron and Alex. “She even ordered some to take home.” She smiles over at Eliza with a fond expression.

“When did you two meet?” Alex asks a few beats later, since Aaron seems to be set on being quiet. “Cause you were abroad all last semester, right?” He directs that Eliza, who nods. “So you’ve known each other for a while?”

“Not that long,” Eliza answers. “We met last year. We just ran into each other, literally.” She laughs at that. “I dropped my coffee and Theo offered to buy me another one. And it just evolved from there.”

The conversation halts for a moment as their food arrives, and everyone is occupied as they take a few bites. Alex takes the distraction to peer over at Aaron, who still has a weird look on his face. He meets Alex’s eyes for a moment, and Alex just gives him a questioning glance before turning back to Eliza.

“That’s sort of how me and Aaron met,” he starts, figuring he should keep the conversation going. “Well, sort of. I’m rooming with his friend, and we got introduced that way. Then I insulted Aaron by accident, he glared at me for weeks, and we just really hit it off after that.”

Aaron rolls his eyes as Theodosia and Eliza laugh, and Alex leans back in his chair with a smug smile.

“Aaron seems so sweet!” Theodosia exclaims, throwing a wink in Aaron’s direction that he acknowledges with a smile. “I don’t know if I believe that story.”

“He still hates me.”

“I do not hate you,” Aaron says, his tone exasperated. “Not all the time at least.” He smirks at Alex as he takes a sip from his glass. “It’s just occasionally now.”

“How sweet,” Alex says dryly.

“You two are cute,” Eliza tells them, making Alex turn and blink at her in confusion. Is that weird for her to say? Alex is about to ask her more about herself when his phone buzzes in his pocket, distracting him.

Alex peers down at his pocket, and when he does, he sees Aaron’s phone out in his lap. He looks up, notices Aaron giving him a significant look before turning to Theodosia to ask her a question. But Alex ignores his phone, not wanting to be rude.

“Did you like studying abroad?” Alex asks Eliza, wanting to hear about it.

“I did! It was really great. I mean, it was terrifying at first. I hate flying and was nervous to leave. Like thinking about all of it, how long I’d be gone and everything, I panicked. I almost just didn’t go.”

“I had to face time her through the airport,” Theodosia cuts in, making Eliza duck her head in embarrassment.

Alex chuckles at that, but then his phone vibrates again, and Alex glances over at Aaron, trying to silently tell him to stop. Whatever it is can wait until after the date. But then Aaron steps on his foot and widens his eyes a little, nodding down at his lap. Alex shakes his head.

“Are you two okay?”

“Yes,” Alex says at the same time as Aaron, causing Theodosia and Eliza to stare at them for a long second before going back to their food. “Anyway,” Alex starts, clearing his throat before smiling up at Eliza. “I’m glad you’re back at campus now, cause I- _fuck_!” He hisses in pain and looks down at his hand, where Aaron’s fork is currently stabbing into his skin. “Aaron, what the hell?”

“My hand slipped,” Aaron tells him, moving his fork back onto the table and then his fingers are wrapping around Alex’s wrist as he stands. “We should run your hand under some water. Excuse us,” he says to Eliza and Theodosia, who are staring at both of them in bewilderment as Aaron drags Alex over to the bathroom.

“What the hell?” Alex repeats once the door swings shut behind them, whirling around to face Aaron.

Aaron ignores him and goes over to the sink, still holding onto Alex’s wrist as he shoves it under the faucet before turning the water on, making Alex hiss again as the water hits him.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron says, nodding down at Alex’s hand. “But you were about to embarrass yourself. And you weren’t looking at your phone. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You didn’t have to fucking _stab_ me!” Alex half shouts, tugging his hand out of Aaron’s grip, rubbing at the red skin as he keeps it under the water. “What was so important?” He asks, looking back up at Aaron.

“They’re dating.”

“What?”

“Eliza and Theodosia,” Aaron says slowly. “They’re _dating_.”

Alex stares at him, his mouth hanging open. “No they’re not,” he snorts after a moment, turning the water off and grabbing a paper towel. “There’s no way. We’re on a date with them!”

“A double date,” Aaron says, looking frustrated when Alex still doesn’t get it. “They think this is a double date! As in you and me, with the two of them! They think me and you are dating.”

“What?” Alex splutters in response, not believing what Aaron is saying. There’s just no way. “No, no way,” Alex voices out loud. “That’s just…why would they think that?”

“How did you phrase the question when you asked Eliza about this?”

Alex thinks back to the conversation. “I just asked would her and Theodosia want to do a double date with me and you.” He shrugs, thinking that’s fine, but Aaron just stares at him. “What’s wrong with that!”

“So you didn’t specify that you were asking Eliza, and I was asking Theodosia?”

“No,” Alex responds slowly, starting to feel nervous. “But…it was implied!”

“Alexander,” Aaron sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “They misunderstood. They’re together, and they think we are, and this is just a huge mistake.”

“But I-“

“Did you ask Eliza if she was single?”

“No…”

Aaron throws his hands up in the air. “That’s the first thing you’re supposed to ask!”

“I don’t have the rulebook!” Alex shouts, causing Aaron to give him a weird look. “I’ve never done this, I didn’t know! I thought everything was implied!

Aaron starts to shake his head. “We need to tell them.”

“No!” He grabs the front of Aaron’s shirt. “That will be so embarrassing, no.” He licks his lips and tries to breathe around how fast his heart is beating. “Aaron, I will die if you do that.”

Aaron stares at him, expression unreadable, but then he sighs, and Alex knows he’s won. “Fine. But what do we do?”

“Nothing,” Alex says firmly, taking a step back and releasing Aaron. “We just…say nothing. Maybe they won’t even ask if we’re together. Then we can just…forget this ever happened.”

“They’ll tell our friends.”

“Then we’ll move to another country,” Alex suggests wildly, heading over to the door. “Just trust me, okay? Don’t say anything.” Then he’s walking out, not looking back to see if Aaron is following.

When they reach the table, Alex notices Theodosia’s arm around Eliza’s chair, her fingers playing with her hair, and Alex feels his stomach sink. How could he have been so stupid?

“Sorry about that,” he says as him and Aaron sit back down. “Just a minor injury.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Eliza asks, concern written across her face, but Alex just waves his hand in the air, hoping that will end the conversation. It doesn’t. “Your hand looks swollen!”

“Aaron will pay for the amputation,” Alex retorts in what he hopes is a smooth matter. But Eliza still looks unsure, and Aaron just snorts beside him.

“Alexander is very dramatic,” Aaron says. “You get used to it. Anyway. When did you two start dating?” He peers over at Alex as he asks the question, a smug look on his face as Eliza and Theodosia smile at each other.

Alex scowls.

“Well, we didn’t really admit to liking each other till the end of last year,” Theodosia tells them. “And of course by then Eliza already knew she’d be studying abroad next semester, so we were kind of stuck. We both live far away, and we didn’t want to jump right into long distance.”

“But we also had no plans of seeing other people,” Eliza continues with a chuckle, taking Theodosia’s hand in hers. “So we just…kind of kept options open. We talked a lot over the summer and then whenever we could when I was abroad, and now we’re here!” She looks over at Aaron and Alex with a sudden serious expression. “We haven’t technically made our relationship official yet. My sisters don’t know, so if you guys could-“

“Don’t worry about that,” Alex interjects. “Our lips are sealed.”

“Thanks,” Eliza sighs, looking relaxed. “We’ll definitely tell everyone soon. We just wanted some time to ourselves before my sisters get involved.”

“What about you two?” Theodosia asks, making Alex’s stomach do a small flip. “How long have you been together?”

“Well,” Aaron starts slowly, making Alex panic even more. He leans forward with a sigh. “We should probably tell you that we-“

“Are also very recent!” Alex cuts in, voice a little too loud, making other customers peer over at them. He can feel Aaron looking at him, but he keeps going. “We, well…it kind of happened over winter break. New Year’s Eve.” Alex feel his face flush at that, his mind going to the kiss that they’d shared. He hopes Aaron doesn’t connected the dots.

“Aw, that’s cute!”

“Yeah,” Aaron says from his seat, voice flat. “It sure was.”

Alex shoots a quick glare in his direction, but is quietly thankful that he doesn’t correct Alex or tell Theodosia and Eliza the truth. Alex doesn’t know what he would do if the truth came out. He’d never be able to face Eliza again.

The rest of the dinner goes somewhat smoothly, all things considered. Aaron is sullen and quiet for most of it, but Theodosia and Eliza are animated and talkative, and Alex does his best to nod and seem interested in their conversation despite his mind be miles away, worrying about what the aftermath of this is going to be.

The dinner comes to a close, Alex paying for his and Aaron’s meal, which for some reason makes him laugh while Aaron just stares at him, unamused. Then they’re all standing up, Theodosia and Eliza giving them both quick hugs before thanking them and heading out.

Once they’re gone, Aaron immediately turns and starts to walk outside, Alex trotting to keep up, but somehow, whenever he starts to get into stride with him, Aaron just starts walking faster. Alex thinks that they must look ridiculous.

The walk back is tense and quiet, but Aaron doesn’t tell Alex to go away when he follows Aaron back to his room, slipping in beside him. The door shuts behind them, and Alex takes a deep breath before turning to face Aaron.

“What…was that?” Aaron asks, some of the frustration and anger he’d been holding back leaking into his tone. “Alexander, what was that? What did we just-“

“I’m sorry!” Alex says weakly, wringing his hands. “I didn’t…I didn’t meant for this to happen! I really didn’t! And then at the dinner I just panicked and went along with it cause I didn’t know what to do!”

“We should have told the truth!”

“But the truth is embarrassing,” Alex whines, taking a step towards Aaron when he rolls his eyes. “What? You wanted to tell Theodosia that you were attracted to her and interested in her and that’s why you were there! You wanted to tell her that you wanted to date her, not me?” Alex winces a little at that last part, but he sees uncertainty starting to spread across Aaron’s face.

“It would have been awkward,” Aaron admits. “But now what do we do? They think we’re dating. Me and you!” He says it like it’s a ridiculous thought, and Alex looks away. “How are we going to fix this?”

Alex sighs, his shoulders slumping. “I don’t know,” he admits softly, looking up at Aaron again. “I don’t know.”

Aaron sighs, moving to sit on his bed. “Whatever. Maybe nothing will happen. We’ll just worry about it in the morning.” He rubs a hand over his forehead, and Alex feels an inkling of guilt slip inside his chest.

He nods wordlessly, silence falling between them, but then he laughs, the sound short on sharp in the room. Alex shrugs when Aaron turns to look at him. “I just can’t believe I thought I actually had a date,” he says, laughing again and running a hand over his face.

“Alexander…”

“Forget it,” Alex tells him, not really wanting to talk about it. “Can I…can I sleep here?”

“I don’t-“

“Bellamy will ask me all about dinner,” Alex continues, not wanting to beg but certainly not completely averse to it. “Please. I can’t deal with that. I’ll sleep on the floor. I just…I can’t go back right now.”

Aaron sighs again but then tosses a pillow at Alex, and Alex hugs it to his chest and nods his thanks. He moves to a spot out of the way and plops down, exhaustion already settling in despite it not even being nine yet. Constant embarrassment is apparently tiring.

Neither of them say much as they get ready to sleep, and Aaron shuts the lights off without a word. Alex wishes his mind would shut off as easily, but he’s still replaying the night in his mind, wincing at basically everything he’d said and done. There’s no way he’s going to get much sleep tonight.

And based on the tossing and turning coming from the bed, he’s not the only one.

-

When Alex wakes up in the morning, he has a disorienting moment where he doesn’t remember where he is, but he sits up and spots Aaron on the bed, and everything comes rushing back. The date. The disaster. The conversation with Aaron afterwards.

Alex groans softly as he rubs at his eyes, wishing he could erase everything that had happened. Instead he reaches for his phone, hoping to distract himself, but when he sees multiple notifications on his screen, worry starts to worm its way into his chest. Then he sees a text from John that reads, _‘Why didn’t you tell me about you and Aaron! Congrats!’_ and worry quickly morphs into panic.

Alex unlocks his phone and goes to Facebook first, where most of the notifications are coming from. Comments and likes from some post he’s been tagged in. When Alex finally sees it, he feels like his eyes are going to pop out of his head.

It’s a post by Eliza, reading,

_“So happy to be back on campus! Even happier to finally be able to spend some time with my girlfriend, Theodosia! We had a great time on our first double date with Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr. Name two cuter couples, I dare you.”_

Below the post is a picture of Theodosia and Eliza smiling into the camera, but beside that one is a picture of Aaron and Alex that Eliza must have taken when her and Theodosia were first coming into the restaurant. It shows him with his hands on Aaron’s arms, Aaron smiling up at him in what could be mistaken as a fond an infatuated manner.

Alex stares and stares at the photo, his heart doing strange things in his chest. Then he’s scrambling up and climbing onto the mattress.

“Aaron!” He hisses, slapping the sleeping man’s shoulder. “Aaron! Wake up! Wake up right now!”

Aaron groans, but then he’s sitting up quickly when Alex hits him again, limbs flailing in what Alex would usually consider hilarious under different circumstances. “What?” He grunts, rubbing at his face and blinking. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Alex shoves his phone into Aaron’s face as a response, and Aaron takes it from him, squinting at the screen.

Seconds tick by, Alex watching Aaron carefully as he takes in the picture. His face doesn’t change much, but that’s pretty normal. Eventually he hands the phone back to Alex, eyes unreadable as he stares at him.

“We’re fucked,” he mutters.

Alex is about to respond when Aaron’s phone starts to ring, making them both jump.

Aaron leans over quickly to grab it, mouth dropping open slightly. “It’s my uncle.”

“What?” Alex asks, more panic hitting him. “Oh my god, did he not-“ He can’t get the words out, his throat feeling tight. He can only watch with wide eyes as Aaron answers the call, bringing the phone up to his ear.

“Good morning.” He pauses there, licking his lips and nodding. “Yes, sir. Yes.” He stops again, clearly listening to whatever his uncle is saying as Alex is left to silently panic.

Did Aaron’s uncle not know he was bi? Was he going to be mad? Was something going to happen? Alex doesn’t know what he’ll do if he’s somehow messed Aaron’s life up even more. He’d never be able to live with the guilt.

“Yes,” Aaron says again, drawing Alex’s attention back to him. “Yes, I can do that. I understand.” He nods once, expression still unreadable. “Of course. Thank you, sir. Goodbye.” He hangs up, lowering his phone and staring at it, not saying anything.

“Aaron?” Alex prompts gently. “Are you okay? Is…is he mad? I mean, did he know about-“

“He knew,” Aaron says, cutting Alex off. He clears his throat and looks up. “Has known for a while. He’s okay with it. We don’t talk about it, really, but it’s never been a problem.”

Alex deflates in relief, letting out a long exhale. “Oh my god. Okay. Good. That’s good.” He smiles at Aaron, but Aaron just stares back, looking surprised and wary. Thoughtful. “Well what was the call about?” Alex asks, figuring there must be more to it to make Aaron look like that.

“He…” Aaron shrugs his shoulders. “He said it was okay.”

“What was okay?”

“That I was dating you,” Aaron tells him slowly, shock starting to creep into his voice. “He gave me his approval.”

“Oh.” Alex wants to laugh at the irony of that. That literally everyone else approves of them dating except Aaron. But he pushes that aside. “Well that’s…nice. Isn’t it?”

Aaron nods, something still off about his expression. “He said that he’d let me spend money without having to ask.” He swallows and looks closer at Alex, excitement starting to show in his eyes. “He said I would just have to send him monthly updates of my progress in my classes instead of twice a semester. But he said I could use money to take you out and…and that he’d still check what I was spending it on but I have the freedom to spend it.”

Alex watches him, his breath held. He’s not sure what Aaron is getting at, but he can tell that it’s going to complicate everything even more. He waits, still inspecting Aaron as his eyes flick around the room, clearly lost in thought.

“Alexander,” he starts slowly after a few more seconds. He locks eyes with him. “Can we pretend to date?”

Oh.

Alex can only continue to stare, his heart pounding. That sentence is so close to what he’s been wanting to hear. But it’s that pretend part that is making him hesitate. He knows that he’s the one who started the lie, but he’d never intended to go through with it. There’s no way he could. He likes Aaron too much to be able to do this.

“I-“

“Just hear me out,” Aaron begs, scooting closer to him, and Alex can already feel his resolve crumbling. “It’s…if it really makes you uncomfortable we don’t have to. But I…I’ve never been able to spend money like I want to. It doesn’t even have to be for that long! Just a few months tops. And I can take you out!” Aaron continues, smiling, and Alex knows he’s going to give in. “We can hang out and I can actually pay! I’ll take you to dinner, repay you for last night like I promised.”

Alex looks at Aaron, at his wide eyes and his nervous but hopeful expression, and how can he say no to that? “I…” Alex pauses and swallows, praying that this doesn’t backfire. “Okay,” he murmurs, smiling when Aaron reaches out to grip his hand tightly. “Okay, yeah.”

“Thank you,” Aaron tells him. “Seriously. Thank you. And you’re free to back out anytime, okay? Both of us are.”

Alex just nods, not trusting himself to speak. This could be a huge mistake. A huge, huge mistake. But Aaron looks so happy that Alex can’t find it in himself to regret his decision just yet. Maybe he can do this. Maybe he can fake date Aaron Burr without anything going wrong. Maybe he can fake date Aaron Burr without everything ending in disaster. 

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter lives up to what y'all have been waiting for.
> 
> And then fun is only just beginning. I've got a whole lot planned for this fic that is still to come. Thanks for sticking with it so far!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! Leave em here or on my tumblr @fanciful-follies.
> 
>  
> 
> :D


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my update schedule has become very random and I apologize
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! x

When Aaron gets back from the bathroom, having showered and washed his face, Alexander is still sitting on his bed, looking determinedly at the wall, his face pinched as he stares, clearly lost in thought.

Aaron shuts the door behind him gently, not wanting to surprise him. “Having second thoughts?” He asks, raising his eyebrows when Alexander jumps and turns to look at him with a startled expression.

“What?”

“Are you having second thoughts?” Aaron repeats slowly, moving to drop his pajamas into his laundry basket. “About pretending to date?” He turns to look back at Alexander, who is watching him silently, looking wary. “Alexander, it would be really helpful if you would respond.”

“I’m not having second thoughts,” Alexander says calmly, but his eyes are wide, and he looks unsure. He sighs when Aaron gives him a disbelieving glance and shrugs. “It’s just…weird. I don’t know.” He peers closely at Aaron. “Are _you_ sure?”

“You mean has my mind changed since I’ve been in the shower?” He teases, rolling his eyes when Alexander scowls. “No, Alexander, I haven’t changed my mind. I still want to do it.” He pauses, taking in Alexander’s still hesitant expression.

Aaron should have expected this. Should have known that Alexander wouldn’t want to waste his time pretending to date Aaron when he probably has other options. It’s clear the guy wants to date someone, and Aaron doesn’t want to get in the way of that. He probably _shouldn't_ , either. It's not really fair to Alexander.

Aaron had just been so excited after his uncle had called, which has never happened before.

He’s never been able to have that much freedom, that much control. And the sad thing is, it’s barely anything. Just his uncle saying Aaron could spend some money taking Alexander out. Which really means that Aaron can buy things, go out with his friends without feeling awkward when one of them has to pay for him. He has an actual choice in some matters. It’s been a long time since he’s felt like he’s had a choice. In anything.

But he should make sure Alexander has a choice, too.

“Alexander,” Aaron says, moving closer to him and taking a deep breath. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to. Would you rather tell everyone the truth?”

“No,” Alexander says quickly, looking stricken, but then he’s laughing, the sound short. “That would…not be fun.” He smiles up at Aaron. “I want to do it, too.” He still looks uncertain, but he doesn’t say anything else, so Aaron just nods.

“Okay. Well, are you ready to face our friends?”

“Do we have to?” Alexander asks with a wince. “Maybe we can just…hide in here for a few hours. Or a few days. I’m not in a rush.”

“I don’t have any food,” Aaron says sadly, looking around his room. “So if we stay here, we have nothing to eat. Plus I’m pretty sure Bellamy will come break down my door if we don’t meet them all for lunch. He’s been texting me non-stop questions ever since he saw the Facebook post.”

Alex groans long and low, but then he stands up, a slight pout on his face. “This is going to be awful, isn’t it?”

“Only one way to find out,” Aaron tells him bracingly, starting to walk over to his door. He pulls it open and walks out, Alexander trudging along behind him, looking forlorn and nervous. Aaron wonders if he should be nervous, too. They didn’t exactly talk things through. They don’t have a story except that their relationship is recent, starting after New Year’s. But hopefully that’s enough to convince all of their friends.

Based on the way Bellamy tackles him into a hug as soon as him and Alexander walk into the dining hall, Aaron figures that they won’t have to do that much to convince their friends that the relationship is real.

“I’m so mad at you!” Bellamy says as he pulls away, a huge smile on his face that contradicts his words. “I’m so mad at you for not telling me about any of this, but I’m also so happy for you that I’m willing to ignore my anger.” He hugs Aaron again, squeezing him tightly.

“Thank you,” Aaron manages to choke out, patting his friend on the back until he pulls away again, finally releasing Aaron. He feels a small twinge of guilt as he takes in Bellamy’s ecstatic expression. He hadn’t really thought about lying straight to his best friend’s face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” And he's sorry for lying now. But it's just easier this way.

“I forgive you. But you!” Bellamy turns to Alexander and points a finger at him, eyes narrowing. “How could _you_ not tell me? We’re roommates!”

“He’s your best friend!” Alexander argues, gaping at Bellamy and pointing at Aaron, who just laughs, amused at the exchange. “That’s not fair! What the hell?”

“He’ll forget it about it in a few days,” Herc says from their seat, smiling at them both when they sit down as well. “But really, I want to know all the details. How did none of us see this coming?”

“Speak for yourself,” Maria says from beside them, inspecting her fingernails before winking at Aaron. “I totally saw it. It was obvious. These two have been crushing for ages.”

Alexander splutters at that, and Aaron has to stop himself from saying that’s a lie. He just smiles and shrugs, grateful at least that not all of their friends are there. Eliza and Theodosia are nowhere to be seen, Angelica is gone, and Thomas and James are, too, so it’ll be less questioning. He hopes.

“You guys still have to tell us,” Peggy whines, leaning across the table. “It was already low of Eliza to tell us about her and Theodosia over Facebook, but you guys, too? C’mon. No fair. I want the whole story.”

Laurens and Lafayette nod on either side of Peggy, and then Laurens is pointing to Alexander, who gives him a panicked look. “I definitely need the whole story. Especially after having to listen and watch this guy completely-“

“It just happened!” Alexander half yells, making Aaron peer over at him. His face is flushed, and there’s a wild look in his eyes. “It…we didn’t really…it just happened,” he repeats weakly, looking at Aaron for help.

Here we go.

“He’s right,” Aaron says calmly, shrugging again. “Over winter break, we spent a lot of time together, and it just…happened.”

“That’s true.” Bellamy nods fervently, glancing around at everyone. “They hung out a lot. Alone. I just didn’t know you were falling in love,” he coos, and Aaron shoots him an exasperated look that just makes Bellamy laugh. “In all seriousness, you guys are cute.”

“Grossly adorable,” Maria agrees, then she’s smiling widely at both him and Alexander with a light in her eyes, causing Aaron to feel uncomfortable. This can’t be good. “And this is all perfect because now you can both sit for me!”

“Sit for you?” Alexander asks, looking confused. “What does that mean?”

Maria winks at him. “Just a small project I’m working on. I’ll give you the details later.”

“Great,” Aaron says dryly, and then he’s getting up to grab some food, needing a breather.

He didn’t expect everyone to accept the idea of him and Alexander dating so easily. It’s almost unsettling, in a way. Aaron thought he would be one step ahead of all his friends, would have the story under control, but he suddenly feels like he’s missing something and is more confused than before.

But he can do this. He wants to do this.

When he gets back to the table, Peggy is telling everyone about Eliza and Theodosia, and how upset Angelica had been at Eliza not telling them about her. At least Aaron can be thankful that Angelica is currently yelling at Eliza and not him. But then the conversation turns back to him and Alexander, and their disastrous double date.

“Who asked who?” Lafayette asks. “And how did you know Eliza was dating Theodosia when no one else did?”

“Well…” Aaron starts, unsure of what to say. He glances at Alexander, but he’s staring resolutely down at the table. So Aaron takes a deep breath. “I…well Theodosia is the TA for one of my classes, and we met that way. And then I…I ran into her at the café.” There, that isn’t technically a lie. “And she said she was meeting Eliza and I asked if they were together.” Well, that’s a lie. “And yeah.”

“So you just asked her right then?” Herc asks, looking surprised. “You were just like, yeah, double date with me and my new boyfriend. That takes some guts. Nice.”

Aaron smiles as everyone else laughs, hoping that’s the end of it, but then Bellamy is leaning across the table, catching Aaron’s attention.

“Me and Herc get the next double date.”

Aaron blinks at his friend. “Oh.” He should have expected this. “Well, I-“

“No excuses! We’re doing a double date. Alex, don’t you want to?”

Alexander gives Bellamy a weak smile, looking just as overwhelmed as Aaron feels. “Sure, I guess.” He looks at Aaron next, shrugging before turning away, a small frown on his face. “I’m…yeah. We could do a double date.”

“Don’t sound so excited,” Aaron teases, hoping to lighten the mood, but Alexander just gives him the same weak smile.

After about ten more minutes, Aaron can’t take any more questions, especially not when Alexander has apparently lost all capabilities to form coherent sentences or look like he’s having a somewhat good time. So Aaron stands up and makes up an excuse to leave, saying he needs to do some studying in the library.

“I’ll see you later,” Aaron says to Alexander, who had looked like he was about to follow. But Aaron needs to be alone to sort everything out in his mind. He does his best to push back the guilt that arises when Alexander slumps back into his seat.

“That’s no way to say goodbye to your boyfriend,” Laurens says from his seat, laughing when a couple of their friends wolf whistle. Then Laurens is raising his eyebrows at Aaron, watching him expectantly.

Aaron swallows and looks down at Alexander, who is looking right back up at him, eyes wide, his face an unusual shade of white. They hadn’t talked about this yet either. Hadn’t discussed boundaries or how they would handle PDA, if at all. But now all their friends are watching, and Aaron doesn’t know what to do.

But he quickly swoops down at kisses Alexander on the cheek, feeling his own face heat up when their friends cheer, but not loud enough for Aaron to miss the small squeak that leaves Alexander’s mouth.

“I hate you all,” Aaron grumbles as he pulls back, not looking at Alexander. Then he’s turning and walking out of the dining hall, ignoring whatever his friends are shouting at him as the doors close behind him.

-

He tries to study, but it only takes about fifteen minutes for the words in his textbook to start to blur in front of him, going out of focus. He can’t concentrate. All he can think about is how weird lunch was, how weird _Alexander_ was.

It really doesn’t seem like Alexander doesn’t want to do this, and after experiencing the reactions of their friends, Aaron isn’t exactly sure if he wants to, either.

He’d expected people to be surprised, doubtful, and Aaron had been preparing himself to have to convince everyone. But they’d all just…accepted it, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

And Aaron isn’t sure why that’s messing with him so much.

It’s just that Bellamy had been so happy, Maria so smug, Laurens and Peggy excited, and now Aaron is already thinking about what will happen when him and Alexander end their fake dating arrangement. Will it make things weird with all their friends? Or what if something happens and him and Alexander get into a fight? Aaron doesn’t want that to happen.

There are so few people Aaron feels close with, he doesn’t want to lose anyone. And now he doesn't know if this is worth it.

Aaron is so lost in thought that he almost doesn’t hear his phone ringing in his pocket.

He reaches for it, not really thinking about who it could be as he raises it to his ear, his mind still focused on the possible mess he’s gotten himself into. “Hello?” He murmurs, not wanting to be too loud in the library.

“Hey, it’s me.”

Aaron’s freezes, his heart stuttering in his chest. “Sally?” He glances around when his sister hums on the other end, needing to find a place to move to. He’s always taken aback whenever she calls, feeling like the entire world is ripped from beneath his feet. He hates feeling like that. “Hey,” he says as he steps outside, looking for someplace to sit down.

“How are you?”

“Fine,” Aaron says automatically, not really considering the question. He swallows. “How are you doing?” His heart starts to pound against his chest when Sally doesn’t answer right away. He finds a bench a few feet away and sinks down onto it. “Sally?”

“I’m fine, too,” she says after another long moment. “I’m…I just miss you.”

Aaron has to bite at his tongue to keep himself from saying what he wants to, from saying that it’s her fault that they’re both missing each other. “I miss you, too,” he murmurs instead, sighing softly when Sally goes silent again. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m just tired,” she assures him. “I just finished a shift, started wondering why we ever complained about Uncle Tim not letting us have jobs.” She chuckles after that, and Aaron huffs out a short laugh as well, feeling his lips curve into a small smile. “I called to hear about you, though. What’s been going on?”

Aaron doesn’t even know where to begin. He laughs again, shifting on the bench as he thinks. “Well, the semester just started, so, just getting back into that.”

“Classes are good?”

“As good as they ever are.” Aaron pauses there, wondering how much he should tell Sally, then he clenches his teeth. He never used to have to think about what to tell Sally. They used to tell each other everything. “I went on a double date,” he forces out after a few seconds, holding his breath as he waits for her reaction.

“What? With who? Was it nice? I’m so proud of my little bro right now! Give me details.”

Aaron laughs and ducks his head. “Well it…it was a surprise,” he starts slowly, laughing again. “Unexpected. I…I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to date this person, but…” He trails off, unsure of how to explain it all. Maybe he just won’t. “I don’t know.”

“Who is it?”

“His name is Alexander.”

“The angry one?” Sally asks, sounding pleased. “Nice! You never told me if he was hot. He is, isn’t he?”

“He’s…” Aaron trails off again, not sure how to describe Alexander. He’s definitely good looking. Long hair and dark eyes. The way he talks is nice, too, and Aaron likes the look he always gives whenever they’re arguing or joking around, and the way his eyes narrow with a determined light whenever he’s about to say something that Aaron just know is going to be ridiculous.

“Well I’m happy for you,” Sally says, making Aaron realize he’d stopped talking. “That’s great.”

“Yeah.” Aaron clears his throat, a small feeling of guilt seeping into his chest. He should tell Sally the rest, tell her the truth. But something inside of him is telling him no, telling him to keep it a secret. He can have secrets, too. “Uncle Tim knows. He seems okay with it. More than okay, actually. He’s letting spend money so I can be a good boyfriend.”

“He’s what?” Sally asks, voice suddenly sharp.

“I know,” Aaron says back, laughing a little. “I was surprised, too. But he said as long as my grades stay good and it’s not too much then I can-“

“Aaron, no,” Sally cuts in. “He’s just manipulating you. You can’t let him do that.”

“How is that manipulation? He’s not getting anything from letting me do this. Sally, he’s just being nice.”

“He’s not nice,” Sally spits out, her tone taking Aaron by surprise. “He just wants you to think that. Whatever he does is always for himself, Aaron, you can’t forget that. He doesn’t care, he just wants to make sure you like him enough to not up and leave like I did.”

Aaron blinks a few times, confusion clouding his mind. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand any of it. “Sally, I don’t-“

“He lost his job,” she tells him, making Aaron start in surprise. Sally laughs, but the sound is ugly. “Lost it months ago, months before I left, maybe even longer than that. I found out over the summer and confronted him about it. We had a huge fight. I wanted to know why he didn’t tell us, if he was just using our parent’s money for everything.”

Aaron stands up, needing to walk around as he processes all of this. “Is that why you left?”

“Part of the reason. He…Aaron, don’t you get it?” Sally asks. “That’s why he’s so controlling. I mean, he always was, but didn’t you feel like it got worse? That’s why he plans everything out for us, why he picked our majors and doesn’t let us spend money or make our own. He wants us to owe everything to him, for being our guardian.” She spits the last word. “He wants to make sure we’re choosing majors that are certain to get us good jobs. He desperate for us to make money to make sure he gets it. Aaron, you can’t believe anything he says.”

“No, no.” Aaron passes his hand over his eyes, shaking his head. “Sally, that’s…that’s insane. That’s not…” He takes a deep breath, trying to stop himself from freaking out. “He wouldn’t do that. He-“

“Yes he would,” Sally interrupts, her voice firm. “And he is. It’s what he’s always been doing. He doesn’t give a shit about us, Aaron. When I found everything out, he stopped pretending to care. And when I told him I was dropping out of college, that was the end. I had to get out. And I didn’t tell you so you wouldn’t have to see that side of him, okay? So he would treat you well until I could figure something out. But you can’t let him trick you! You can’t think that he actually cares.”

“Stop.”

“Aaron, I-“

“Stop!” Aaron yells, making a few people passing by him stop and look at him. But he doesn’t care. “Just stop,” he repeats, voice shaking. “I don’t want to hear this.” It can’t be true. “He does care. Even if it’s just a little, he cares.” Even as Aaron says the words, he can hear how weak his argument is. He doesn’t know what to believe. “He has to.”

“He doesn’t,” Sally says softly, her tone more gentle. “He’s never been there for us, Aaron, never been there for you, he-“

“And you have?” Aaron cuts in, his hand clenched in a fist at his side. “Where are you right now, Sally? Oh, that’s right, you won’t tell me! You’re saying he doesn’t care? Well at least he’s fucking _here_ , at least I can call him and he’ll pick up! It kind of seems like he cares more than you do!” He can feel the tears burning at the corners of his eyes. He hates all of this.

“Aaron-“

“I have to go,” Aaron tells her, hating how his voice cracks on the words. But then he hangs up, a strange feeling of satisfaction hitting him as he turns his phone off. At least Sally will know how he feels now, when she calls and can’t reach _him_.

He starts to walk, not really taking in where he’s going. But he needs to move, needs to do something other than just think about what Sally just told him. But of course it’s not that easy, and his thoughts start running a mile a minute.

He hates all of this so _much_.

He hates how Sally just throws information at him without ever really explaining, just expecting him to accept all of it, or to not be hurt by it. The idea that his uncle doesn’t care about them at all is overwhelming. Aaron had always thought the control had at least some concern behind it, his uncle wanting them to succeed and make their parents proud. But now Sally is telling him only selfishness is behind how hard their uncle pushes them.

Aaron exhales shakily, his throat feeling tight. He glances up to see Alexander’s dorm off to his left, and he changes his direction, knowing he should talk to someone and not just go back to his own dorm and sit alone in that tiny space.

He half jogs to Alexander’s room, wiping at his eyes before he knocks on the door, only having to wait a few seconds before it’s opening.

“Aaron,” Alexander exclaims, sounding surprised at seeing him. “Uh, hey. Hi. What are you doing here?”

Aaron shrugs. He doesn’t have a reason, not really. But then he laughs, the sound strange to his own ears, and he tilts his head as he looks at Alexander. “Do I need a reason to visit my boyfriend?”

Alexander’s face looks shocked at that, but then he’s rolling his eyes and stepping back for Aaron to walk in. “You’re so annoying.” He shuts the door behind Aaron and crosses his arms. “Seriously, what do you want?”

“Bellamy’s not here?” Aaron asks, ignoring Alexander’s question and looking around. “Is he with Herc?”

“Obviously.”

Aaron nods, bringing a hand up to rub at his nose as he sniffs, feeling weird and jittery. He clears his throat when neither of them say anything. Maybe he should just leave. He’s not entirely sure why he even came over, why it had to be Alexander specifically.

“Aaron?” Alexander asks, and when Aaron looks at him, he’s inspecting Aaron with narrowed eyes. “Is everything...okay?”

Aaron moves to sit on Alexander’s bed, looking down at his hands as he exhales slowly. “Sally called,” he says, scooting over when Alexander comes to sit beside him, staying quiet, giving Aaron time to tell him everything. “I told her about my uncle, about him letting me use my money.”

“You told her about us?” Alexander asks. “Or, I mean, about us fake dating?” He stumbles over the last couple of words, and when Aaron glances over at him, his face is slightly flushed.

“I didn’t tell her it was fake,” Aaron answers, shrugging his shoulders. “It just…seemed complicated to explain.”

Alexander snorts. “Complicated is an understatement.” He smiles when Aaron chuckles, but then his face grows serious. “You’re upset, though.” It’s not a question. “What happened?”

Aaron sighs and tilts his head back so he’s staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t even know,” he murmurs. “She just…started telling me I couldn’t trust my uncle, that I shouldn’t do this. That he doesn’t give a shit about me and is just using me.” He looks back down to see Alexander staring with his eyebrows raised. "She said that I shouldn't accept the money."

“That’s…a lot of information in one go.”

“Tell me about it.”

They both sit there in silence, Alexander looking pensive while Aaron just waits for him to say something. Alexander always seems to know what to say in these situations. Maybe that’s why Aaron came over.

“So do you…” Alexander pauses, shifting on the mattress and then taking a deep breath. “So is this you telling me you don’t want to do it anymore? Fake date me?” He smiles at Aaron, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Talk about a short lived relationship.”

Aaron laughs, bringing both hands up to rub at his eyes. Then he holds his head in his hands, thinking. He doesn’t know what he wants to do. There’s no reason for Sally to lie to him, not really, but he doesn’t want to believe her. Doesn’t want to believe that his uncle cares so little for him. It hurts too much. He'd been excited to do this, to just have fun with his friends and not worry about every little thing they went out to do.

“Aaron…” Alexander’s fingers wrap around one of his wrists, pulling his hand away from his face and gripping it, his own hand warm. His eyes are wide and sympathetic when Aaron looks at him. “You can back out if you want to, remember? We don’t have to do this. If it’s too much, if it’s confusing, we don’t have to. We can just tell everyone the truth.”

“I don’t know what I want to do,” Aaron sighs, knowing it must be a frustrating answer. He stares at Alexander, and then down at their hands. “Is it too much for you?” He asks, looking back up at Alexander’s eyes, remembering how flustered he’d been at lunch. “Do you still want to do it?”

Alexander opens his mouth, but then he pauses, a strange expression passing over his face. “It…it doesn’t matter what I want,” he says finally, voice tight.

“Hey.” Aaron squeezes his hand. “Yes it does. Either one of us can back out at any time, that’s what I said. So be honest, do you actually want to do this?”

“I…” Alexander looks at him wordlessly for a few moments, and then he laughs, the sound short and breathless. “I do,” he admits, shaking his head. “I’m probably stupid for doing it, but I…I want to. If it…” Alexander stops again, clearly struggling to get the words out. “If it helps you, then I want to do it.”

Aaron smiles at that, his chest filling with warmth. Why is Alexander so nice to him? “Okay,” Aaron says, nodding his head. “Then we’re doing this. Even if…well, this is probably an awful idea.” He laughs, and Alexander grins at him. “Like, this is…it’s so…” He searches for the right words but fails.

Then Alexander reaches out with his free hand, grabbing the Build-A-Bear he’d made over winter break from the mattress and giving it a squeeze, Aaron’s voice coming out from it.

_“This is so stupid.”_

Then they’re both laughing, still clutching at each other’s hands, and Aaron feels some of the worry leave him. He can do this. This is the right choice. Even if Sally doesn’t agree. Aaron wants to do it. Even if it’s all true, even if his uncle doesn’t care about him and is just using him, at least Aaron has some small amount of control, and least he’s doing this on his own terms.

And he knows one thing for certain, and it’s that one thing that is solidifying his decision, making him sure that it will turn out okay. He knows that at least Alexander cares about him.

He wouldn’t want to fake date anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to get one more Sally phone call in there before the fun of these two trying to fake date begins. 
> 
> Next chapter will give details on boundaries of this relationship, and very awkward attempts at attempting to appear like they are actually a couple. It's gonna be good.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or at my tumblr @ fanciful-follies.
> 
> Thanks! :D


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will probably start updating every Tuesday now.
> 
> Enjoy! x

It’s barely been three days, and Alex already feels like this is one of the biggest mistakes of his life. And that’s saying something. Like, really, _really_ saying something.

He’s argued with a teacher for a whole class period before getting suspended for three days. He's given a presentation that's sole purpose was to teach the class a topic correctly unlike his teacher, which he'd explicitly stated on the last powerpoint slide, which had given him detention for a whole week. He’s tried to fight kids twice his size growing up, too, going home with a split lip or a black eye. He’s done so many stupid things, but agreeing to fake date Aaron might just be the stupidest.

“We should probably discuss boundaries at some point,” Aaron says with an arm flung over Alex’s shoulders, holding him close and making Alex’s face heat up. But Aaron, as always, seems not to notice how much he affects Alex, and just keeps walking, steering them through the halls.

“Boundaries?”

Aaron hums. “Yeah. You know, what we’re comfortable doing when trying to sell the whole dating thing. PDA and stuff.”

“Oh.” Alex swallows and tries to push back the jitters starting to creep over him. He has no idea what he’s comfortable with. He’s never even had to think about PDA before. “I don’t really know,” he says eventually, glancing up at Aaron. “I mean, it’s not like our friends expect us to make out in front of them.”

Aaron snorts at that, and he peers down at Alex with a skeptical look. “Have you met Maria?” He asks. “She made us kiss at New Year’s, remember? And then at lunch that one day Laurens and everyone were basically chanting for us to kiss. I mean, are you okay with that? If you are then no big deal.”

Alex chews at his lip, trying to focus on not tripping over his own feet as he considers what he wants. Granted, the idea of kissing Aaron is not a bad one, it’s kind of the best, if he’s being honest. But the idea of it just being a cover, of it not being real…that isn’t so great. And the idea of all their friends watching is definitely not ideal.

“Maybe…maybe no more kissing,” Alex begins, trying to speak slowly and evenly. “I’m…I’m not really…I don’t want to kiss.” He looks back up at Aaron, holding his gaze, and Aaron just blinks once before nodding.

“Okay.”

Alex breathes out slowly and mentally tries to give himself a small pep talk. He can do this. It’s just for a few months, until the summer probably. Then him and Aaron will go to their respective homes and come back the next school year and spin some story about a mutual break up and still being friends. Or at least, that’s what Alex figures is going to happen. He definitely can’t keep this up for the rest of college.

“How long are we planning on doing this for?” He asks, starting to worry. What if Aaron wants to fake getting married? Oh god, he can't do that.

“I haven’t really thought about it,” Aaron tells him with a small shrug, like it’s a tiny detail and not a huge fucking deal. “We can figure that out later. But what about other PDA stuff? Like is this okay?” He nods down at his arm, which is still hanging across Alex’s shoulder. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so…” He starts to withdraw his arm.

“No!” Alex tells him quickly, trying and probably failing to fight down the blush that he feels spread across his cheek. “That…this is fine.” He looks away and licks his lips. “I don’t mind stuff like this. Just…kissing is my only no.”

“Easy to remember,” Aaron murmurs, sliding his arm more firmly over Alex’s shoulders. “Although I am surprised.” He glances over at Alex with a smirk. “Based on the way I saw you plastered all over Laurens that one time, I figured you’d be okay with it.”

Alex nudges Aaron in the side, scowling when all he does is laugh. “Shut up,” Alex mutters, but then he feels his lips tug into a smile. “It was a good kiss, okay? You can’t blame me. And you interrupted it. So thanks for that. My first kiss and you just barged right into it.”

“You were out in the open, anyone could have barged in. Pretty sure you scandalized everyone within fifty feet.”

Alex laughs at that. “Whatever.”

“ _Whatever_ ,” Aaron mocks, and then he’s laughing loudly as Alex shoves him away, a playful expression on his face that is so unexpected that Alex actually stops walking for a second. “What?” Aaron asks, still grinning, and Alex thinks that he’s never actually seen Aaron look so young. It makes his heart twist.

But Alex just shakes his head and looks away. “Nothing.” Then he’s stopping again, waiting as Aaron opens a classroom door for him so he can step inside, Aaron following him in a few moments later.

It’s the first LGBTQ meeting since the semester started, and Alex catches a few familiar faces as him and Aaron walk over to some free seats. Herc waves from the front, and Alex waves back before sitting down in a seat a few rows behind Peggy, John, and Lafayette. He ignores the wink John throws in his direction, and when the man wiggles his eyebrows, eyes moving between him and Aaron, Alex scowls and looks down at the ground instead. He knows John is just being supportive in his own annoying way, trying to show his excitement that Alex is happy and with Aaron.

But it just makes Alex feel weird, especially since he isn’t actually _with_ Aaron.

He’s agreed to doing this with Aaron, and he doesn’t regret it, not really. He’s okay doing it. But now all of their friends are involved and proud of them and it just makes Alex nervous and constantly on edge. He feels pressured. Pressured to really make it seem like Aaron and him are dating.

And he doesn’t know how to do that.

Alex jumps when Aaron nudges him, drawing his attention back, and Alex looks over to see Eliza and Theodosia making their way over to them, hand in hand. Alex can’t help but think if he had just waited another week to ask Eliza and Theodosia on a double date, he would have seen them here and known they were together, avoiding this whole mess of a situation.

But as always, Alex didn’t wait, he just leapt with no hesitation. And now it’s biting him in the ass, again, as always.

Alex does his best to smile as Eliza catches his eye, her and Theodosia getting closer. For some reason he reaches out for Aaron’s hand, taking it in his and squeezing, grateful at how warm Aaron’s hands are.

“Your hands are like fucking icicles,” Aaron grumbles, shifting in his seat, but he doesn’t try to take his hand back..

“Sorry,” Alex murmurs. “Happens when I’m nervous. They go all clammy.”

“As long as they don’t get sweaty.”

Alex is about to make some snappy response, but then Eliza is sitting beside him on his other side, and Alex gets distracted by the concerned look she’s giving both him and Aaron. She waits until Theodosia is also sitting to turn fully towards them.

“I just wanted to say how sorry I am,” she starts, making Alex raise his eyebrows. “For the picture,” Eliza explains. “I didn’t know that nobody really knew about you guys. I wasn’t thinking about your privacy when I posted the picture.”

“All she was thinking about was hoping to distract her sisters from the fact she’d been lying to them for the past few months,” Theodosia chimes in. “She figured if we announced two new relationships, not all the heat would be on us.”

Eliza frowns and swats at Theodosia, ignoring the disgruntled ‘hey!’ she gets in response. “I wasn’t thinking,” she says again. “I mean, I knew people didn’t know that you were officially dating, but I thought people knew it was coming, so I didn’t think the picture would make everyone get so excited or surprised. I should have asked.”

“We’re both sorry,” Theodosia adds, leaning so she can look at him and Aaron, too. “And we understand if you guys are mad.”

“It’s fine,” Aaron says after a moment, and Alex turns to see him giving Eliza and Theodosia a small smile. “Honestly, we should thank you. If you didn’t post that picture, we might not have ever told people. We weren’t exactly sure how to.” He laughs and squeezes Alex’s hand, reminding him to smile, too.

“Oh,” Eliza says, blinking at them. “Well, you’re welcome then!”

Theodosia rolls her eyes. “See how fast she gets over guilt. Ow!” Theodosia rubs at her arm where Eliza had just hit it. “You know I’m right.”

“All I know is that I’m just happy you two aren’t mad. Angelica is mad enough.” Eliza sighs, picking at the fabric of her dress with a small frown. “But she also sucks at holding grudges, even if she acts like she’s good at them. So I know it won’t last much longer.”

Alex gives Eliza a sympathetic look. “What’s she doing? Giving you the silent treatment?”

“I wish,” Eliza says with a laugh as Theodosia groans beside her. “She’s making me and Theo take her and Peggy out to dinner with us every night this week to fill them in on every single detail that we left out.”

Alex winces at that. At least no one is making him and Aaron do that. Yet. He wouldn’t put is past Bellamy. That guy is already talking Alex’s ear off about a double date. Alex is hoping if he’s vague enough in his answers that Bellamy will eventually give up, although that isn't likely. 

“The only good thing about that is it’ll give me time to charm the pants off both of your sisters,” Theodosia says with a grin, narrowing her eyes when Eliza snorts. “What? You don’t think I’m charming? Too bad I know that’s a lie. I charmed you, clearly.”

“You’re very charming,” Eliza assures her, sharing a smile with Alex before turning to press a kiss to Theodosia’s cheek. “Just don’t lay it on too much with my sisters.”

“Why? They’ll love me.”

“Your charm is only charming when you’re with me, with other people it’ll be embarrassing.”

“What! I am not e-"

Alex gets distracted from the rest of the conversation when Aaron tugs on his hand, making him turn to stare.

“Guess we got pretty lucky,” Aaron murmurs. “At least Angelica isn’t angry with us.” He gives Alex a small smile, one which he returns. “I think this is going to be okay.”

Alex nods slowly. He really hopes so.

The rest of their conversation gets cut short as Herc starts the meeting, making a few quick announcements and then moving on to asking for ideas for events to hold on campus. Usually Alex would contribute, would have about ten suggestions, but he’s been in a strange mood lately, not wanting to draw attention to himself.

About fifteen minutes later, Herc is calling for Maria to come up, and both Alex and Aaron sit up a little straighter at that. Alex has definitely come to know that when Maria is going to give an announcement, it’s always worth paying attention to.

“As you all know,” Maria begins, “Valentine’s Day is only about a month away, and I thought I would do a little art project, like I did for trans awareness month.” She smiles around at everyone, eyes landing on Aaron and Alex, which makes Alex groan. “I want to draw pictures of all the couples we have, if you are all comfortable with that, of course. I’d self draw them, and hang them up and give everyone copies. We can do little bios, too, cute stories of how everyone met.”

“This’ll be interesting,” Aaron mutters beside him, and Alex can only groan again in response.

“I’ll have a sign up sheet up here,” Maria continues, patting the table next to her. “So if you are interested, please pick a time to sit for a drawing. Thank you!”

The meeting draws to a close a little bit after that, Herc saying that they would stick around if anyone needed anything, but Alex is suddenly feeling an overwhelming desire to get out of there as soon possible.

“Let’s go,” Aaron whispers, standing up quickly, apparently feeling the same. “If we get out quick enough Maria might not notice us leaving.”

Alex stands up as well, giving a hurried goodbye to Eliza and Theodosia, who are giving him and Aaron weird looks, and then he’s pushing through the rest of the crowd, the door just a few feet away.

“Alex, Aaron! Wait!” Maria hurries over to them, excitement written across her face, an expression that Alex has come to be wary of, especially on Maria. “Did you two really think you were getting out of this?” She asks, one eyebrow raised.

“Get out of what?” Aaron asks, pretending like he doesn’t know.

“Sitting for my drawing!”

Alex feels his stomach drop, and he glances at Aaron, both of them locking gazes for a moment before looking back at Maria.

“Well-"

“I’ve already got a time set up!” Maria continues, ignoring Aaron’s attempt at an interjection. “This weekend! Tomorrow, preferably, although I might be able to make Sunday work. But tomorrow is best, around one? Does that work?”

“Do we have to?” Alex blurts out, mind already working up about five different excuses for why he can’t do it. Maybe he can say that he can’t sit for long periods of time, or that he’s self conscious about being drawn. That’s not exactly a lie.

But Maria just looks at him like she knows he’s already going to lie. “Of course you do,” she says simply. “If you think I’m going to pass up the chance to draw my best friend-“ she throws an arm around Aaron’s shoulders “-and his new boyfriend, then you are a complete idiot.”

“Maria,” Aaron starts, looking amused, but then he glances at Alex and pauses. “I don’t know…”

“Please?” Maria asks, lips forming a small pout, but her eyes are bright. “Please, please, please? It’ll be painless, I promise.” She turns her eyes to Alex. “I promise that if you do it and end up hating the picture I won’t use it in the collection.” She grins. “But you’ll love it, so, I don’t see that happening.”

Alex shifts on his feet, eyes darting to the floor as Maria and Aaron continue to bicker back and forth, but suddenly there’s a rushing sound in his ears, blocking out the conversation.

This is a bad idea. An awful idea. He can’t sit with Aaron for god knows how long, letting Maria draw them as a couple and then sharing the picture for the whole campus to see. For him to see. For him to see and hate because none of it is true. It’s like the universe is playing one big practical joke on him. How is he even going to do it? They aren't even a couple, how will they act like one?

“Alexander?” Aaron’s concerned voice brings Alex back, and he peers up to see Maria and Aaron staring, Maria looking amused and Aaron looking slightly worried. “Is it okay if we do it? On Saturday?”

Alex swallows, feeling any argument he could use dying on his tongue. He shrugs, shoulders slumping. “I…yeah, whatever. Saturday, sure. Just…not too long, okay? I have homework.”

Maria claps her hands and moves to throw her arms around Alex, hugging him tightly before pulling back. “Thank you, thank you!” She grins at them both. “It’s going to be great! And I’ll text you Saturday morning so you don’t forget!”

Alex smiles at Maria weakly as she waves and bounds away, and then silence is falling between him and Aaron, and for some reason, Alex finds that he can’t meet the other man’s eyes. He knows his face must show that he’s uncomfortable, but he doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to come up with some reason that isn’t the real reason.

“I should get going,” Alex mumbles, tapping his fingers against his leg. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.” He starts to move, but Aaron stops him, fingers curling around his wrist. “Aaron, I really have to go.”

“I can tell her no,” Aaron says. “She’ll give us shit for a few weeks but really, we don’t have to do it.”

Alex takes a deep breath and shakes his head, still not looking at him. “No, it’s fine. I’m just stressing about homework.” He finally peers up to see Aaron giving him a disbelieving look, which makes Alex step back and out of Aaron’s grip. He doesn't want to have this conversation. “Really, I don’t mind. But if I don’t get a head start on my work, I’ll just be grumpy tomorrow, and I’d really like to avoid Maria being mad at me.”

Aaron smiles hesitantly at that, and then he nods, but he’s still giving Alex a concerned look. “All right, well, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Alex gives him a quick nod before turning and hurrying out, just needing to be alone for a few hours. He needs to reset, needs to calm down and just think. He feels so stuck.

It’s harder than he thought it would be, pretending to date Aaron. He thought it wouldn’t be that bad, they would just hang out like normal, maybe spend a little more time together if anything, which didn’t seem awful. He likes that part. But it’s the way everyone looks at them, happy for them, excited, that is making it so hard. It’s how easily Aaron is adjusting to it, how easily they fit together.

But none of it is real.

Alex sighs as he walks, rubbing at his forehead as if that will somehow stop him from thinking about all of it too much. Aaron just seems so happy, and Alex doesn’t want to be the reason that stops. He knows Aaron wouldn’t hold a grudge if he backed out, but he would be disappointed. And then there’s everything with Sally.

Aaron hadn’t given him all the details on the latest call, but Alex knew it had shaken him. He’s stopped answering calls on his phone, has started to ignore them, and that concerns Alex. He feels like Aaron’s good mood is hanging precariously, and could fall at any moment. And there’s no way he’s going to be the reason for that.

So he just needs to buck up and do this.

-

Saturday comes way too quickly for Alex’s taste. He’d stayed up late Friday, hoping that would slow down time and give him more time to prepare for what Saturday would bring. But it didn’t work, and now he just looks tired which will make the day even worse.

But he still gets up and goes, which he counts as a plus. He’s still going to do it. He’s not going to let Aaron down.

When Alex gets to Maria’s apartment, Aaron is already there, sitting on the couch with a smile that makes Alex’s heart flutter. He hates that Aaron can do that so easily. It’s not fair. It’s infuriating. But he loves it. And hates it. Mostly loves it, though.

“Okay, sit, sit!” Maria tells Alex, ushering him over to the couch with a wide smile. “I kicked everyone else out for the day, so don’t worry about anyone barging in. And you guys can pose however, just keep it PG-13.”

Aaron laughs as Alex feels his face heat up. “Is that really necessary to say?”

Maria just arches a brow and sits down, her drawing pad across her lap. “You’d be surprised. I had Bellamy and Hercules here yesterday, I definitely thought I was going to have to leave to give them a moment.”

Aaron snorts. “Are you surprised?”

“Can’t say that I am.” Maria shifts in her seat and glances at Alex. “Alex? Do you want to sit?” She nods over at the couch.

Oh, right. Alex shuffles his feet and glances over at Aaron, who is also staring at him. He can do this. He can. “Yeah, sorry. I can sit, sure.” His feet still don’t move, and Aaron gives him a strange look, eyebrows pinching together. “Sorry,” Alex says again, finally moving. “I didn’t get a lot of sleep, still waking up.”

Maria just shrugs as Alex sits beside Aaron. “Get comfortable. You can sleep if you want, on top of Aaron even as long as it’s a nice pose.”

Alex laughs nervously at that, scooting further onto the couch but unable to look at Aaron. There’s a wide space between them, which he knows must seem weird. But he doesn’t know what to do. What’s a normal couple pose? He has no experience to draw from.

His eyes dart over to Aaron, wondering if he’ll know, but Aaron is starting to look a little lost and uncomfortable as well, and Alex swallows, his throat tight. He can already tell that this is going to be a disaster. But maybe they can sell it, maybe Maria won’t even notice. Maybe they can just get away with sitting side by side and-

“Is that those pose?” Maria asks, and Alex turns to see her looking at them with judgement written all over her face. “No offense, but that’s awful. It’s like one of those fancy but boring paintings of a king and queen who most definitely only had sex once to produce an heir.”

“Maria,” Aaron starts with a roll of his eyes, sounding exasperated. “What the hell? Come on.”

“I’m just saying! You look stiff. Get closer, cuddle up, do what you do when you’re alone and being grossly cute together.”

Alex hears Aaron exhale slowly, and he clenches his fists on his lap, wondering how strange it would be for him to just get up and run. He’s seriously considering it when suddenly Aaron is moving closer, their thighs touching. Alex clenches his fists even tighter.

“Alexander?” Aaron says gently, and Alex just nods his head even though he has no idea what he was going to say next. He thinks he hears Aaron sigh, and then there is an arm going across his shoulder, pulling him closer so he’s right up against Aaron’s side.

Alex swallows and takes a shaky breath in through his nose, trying not to freak out. But Aaron being so close and smelling so nice and feeling so warm really isn’t helping, and Alex can feel his hands shaking.

“Alex, your hands?” Maria says, drawing his attention to her. She glances down at his fists, still rigid on his lap. “Want to move them somewhere?”

Alex unclenches his hands quickly, rubbing his palms on his jeans. Okay. Right. He’s got this. He just needs to move his hands, put them…somewhere. Somewhere on Aaron. Touching him. He peers over at Aaron, who at least is not watching him, and moves one of his hands onto Aaron’s leg, resting it against his thigh. There. He did it.

Alex gives himself a small mental pat on the back, and then turns his gaze down to stare at the floor, trying to find something to think about for the next hour or so or however long this is going to take. He’ll just go over his reading in his head, that’ll distract him from the fact that Aaron is pressed up against him.

But the room is strangely quiet, and Alex can only focus on the sound of Aaron breathing beside him, and on the absence of sound coming from Maria’s direction. Alex glances up at her to see her staring at both of them, head tilting to the side.

“Are you guys fighting or something?” She asks, fiddling with her pencil.

“What do you mean?” Aaron asks back, sounding confused.

Maria gestures at them both. “You just look…awkward, I don’t know. Uncomfortable.” She narrows her eyes. “What’s going on? I mean, Alex looks uncomfortable just from putting his hand on your leg.”

Alex pulls his hand away from Aaron, feeling incredibly self-conscious. “Nothing,” he says more strongly than he intends to. “Nothing is going on.”

“Something clearly is,” Maria pushes.

“Nothing is going on,” Alex repeats, standing up and shoving his hands into his pockets. He lets out a short laugh. “Absolutely nothing.” He rocks back on his heels and tries to push back his growing panic, which is building in his chest and rising. “I told you, I’m just tired. Maybe we should reschedule.” He hears Aaron stand up beside him.

“That might be best,” Aaron agrees slowly, and Alex can feel his eyes on him, but he stares resolutely ahead. “Sorry, Maria.”

Maria stands up, too, giving Alex an inquisitive stare before turning to Aaron. “It’s fine. I’ll see if I can get Eliza and Theodosia today instead. Next weekend sound good for you guys?”

“Next weekend sounds great.” Aaron’s hand wraps around Alex’s elbow, giving him a small tug. “Come on,” he murmurs. “Let’s go. You can pass out for a few hours.”

Alex gives a jerky nod, his voice seeming to be frozen. He glances at Maria as Aaron pulls him past her, and he thinks she gives him an almost knowing, sad smile that makes his stomach drop. But then they’re outside, and Alex takes in a long breath.

“You don’t want to do this,” Aaron says, dropping his hand and stepping in front of Alex to look at him, gaze firm. “You should have told me.”

Alex frowns and crosses his arms over his chest. “Actually, I shouldn’t have told you, because it’s not true. I’m fine. I want to do this.” He grits his teeth when Aaron just looks at him. “I do. Just drop it.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Alexander.” Aaron reaches out and puts his hands on his shoulders, keeping him in place. “Stop lying to me!”

“I’m not lying!” Alex yells, embarrassed to feel tears burning at the corners of his eyes. “So just leave me alone, okay?” He tries to move, to get out of Aaron’s grasp, but Aaron doesn’t let him. “You don’t know everything,” Alex continues, voice cracking. “And you don’t know me. If I say I’m fine, then I’m fine! I want to do this. I can do this. I can-“ He breaks off, voice getting caught in his throat, and then a sob actually leaves him, and Alex feels shame rise up in him, and he-

Aaron’s arms wrap around him, pulling him in and hugging him tightly, tucking Alex’s head against his shoulder. And Alex doesn’t have the strength to push him away, so he sags against him instead, burying his face in his shirt in an attempt to hide the fact that he’s crying as best as he can. But he can feel himself shivering, and he wants to disappear, beyond embarrassed, but Aaron's arms are firm around him, and Alex has nowhere to go but forward, so he leans further against Aaron, gripping the fabric of his shirt in an attempt to ground himself.

He’s grateful that Aaron doesn’t say anything, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to speak if he did, that it would make things worse. Aaron just holds him firmly, and after a few minutes, Alex is able to take in a few, long, deep breaths, and he slowly feels the tears subside.

He pulls away with a sniff, rubbing at his eyes and not able to look at Aaron yet. “Sorry.” He clears his throat. “I don’t…sorry.” He takes a small step back, but Aaron moves his hands to Alex’s forearms, stopping him.

“C’mon,” Aaron murmurs, and then he’s leading Alex over to a curb, moving him until they’re sitting side by side. He takes a deep breath. “We don’t need to do this.”

“But-“

Aaron holds up a hand to stop him. “Just listen to me.” He looks at Alex from the corner of his eye before moving his gaze to his hands. “If this is making you feel like…like _this_ , then I don’t want to do it. I don’t want you to be upset. It’s not worth that.”

A small, spark of warmth fills Alex’s chest at that, and he gives Aaron a shaky smile. But then he thinks, moving his legs so their bending, knees pressed against his chest, arms resting on top of them. “But…but what if I want to do it?”

“Alexander, you clearly don’t, based off of what just happened.”

“You don’t even know what just happened.”

“Then _tell_ me.” Aaron turns a little so he’s facing Alex head on. “You need to tell me what’s going on!”

Alex hunches his shoulders as he turns away, trying to figure out what he can say, what parts of the truth he can tell Aaron. Obviously he can’t just blurt out that he has a huge stupid crush on him, but there are other things. Other things that are making this difficult and embarrassing.

“I’ve don’t know how to do any of this,” Alex says eventually, waving his hand in front of him. “I’ve never done it before.”

“Fake date someone? I would assume not.”

Alex rolls his eyes, but allows a smile to form on his lips. “No, not that. I mean, yes, but...I’ve never…I’ve never dated someone for real, you know that. So all of this…this couple stuff…” Alex trails off and shakes his head. “I don’t know how to do it. And it’s even more weird because…because it’s not real so we don’t do it unless we’re in front of someone and it’s…it’s just hard and weird and embarrassing.”

Aaron is silent for a few moments, merely watching him, but then he nods slowly. “Okay." He shifts, hands resting on the curb, and he tilts his head back. "Well, if you really do want to keep doing this, which I still don’t believe one hundred percent, then we obviously need to change some things.” He pauses, looking back over at Alex. “We could still just stop and tell everyone why we did this. Could say it’s cause my uncle offered to give me money. Everyone would understand.”

Alex shakes his head, knowing how John would look at him if they admitted it wasn’t real, knows how Maria would look at him, too. And he can only imagine how Bellamy would react; he’s been so excited for them both. That would just complicate everything even more.

“I don’t want to tell everyone,” Alex murmurs firmly. “I just...I don’t like everyone watching us. And I don’t…I just don’t know how to…how to date someone. I don’t want to look stupid.” Especially not in front of Aaron, but Alex doesn’t say that out loud.

“In my opinion, people usually look more stupid dating someone than when they’re single,” Aaron tells him with a shrug. “And if it means anything, I don’t think you’ve looked stupid.” He smiles at Alex for a moment. “And I swear, if anyone makes fun of you, I’ll be a good boyfriend and defend your honor.”

“Thanks,” Alex says with a short laugh, rubbing at his nose. “Sorry. I just…I just panicked, I don’t know. I feel better.” He smiles back at Aaron, really meaning the words. He’s glad that he can talk to Aaron like this.

“And I would never make fun of you,” Aaron says gently. “I mean, I _would_ , I’ve done it before, but not about something like this.” He pauses there, and looks down at the sidewalk. “We’re friends, Alexander. And I’m not…we’re friends. I…care about you.” He says the last part slowly, eyes still averted, and Alex’s breath stutters in his chest.

Somehow he always forgets just how nice Aaron is. He needs to remember that they are friends, even if that’s it.

“We could always practice, you know,” Aaron tells him after a few seconds when Alex stays silent.

“Practice?”

“Doing things couples do,” Aaron continues, and Alex feels his stomach flutter. “Just small things, and I’ll remember the no kissing rule. But…just…holding hands…cuddling.”

Alex feels himself flush. “Cuddling?” He says, aiming for a teasing tone. “Do you not remember the time you threatened to push me out of the bed if I cuddled you?”

Aaron gives him a dry stare and stands up, brushing his palms against his pants. “And do you not remember how you ended up cuddling me anyway, and remained safely on the bed?” He smirks when Alex scowls, and then holds out his hand. “I’m just saying. If we want to get this drawing thing over and sell it well enough to keep everyone happy, then we should practice. And it might help, make you feel less nervous.”

"You won't make fun of me?" Alex chews at his lip as Aaron shakes his head, and then he's reaching out, accepting Aaron’s hand and allowing himself to be pulled up. Then he grins, feeling a lot better than earlier. “Aaron, if you want a reason to cuddle, all you have to do is ask."

“Shut up,” Aaron says with a roll of his eyes, but then he intertwines their fingers. “I’m being serious.”

Alex pauses, knowing that Aaron really is being serious. He’s giving his serious look, which usually Alex finds hilarious and annoyingly cute, but not this time. He sighs, knowing that this is just going to make things more complicated in the long run. But now…the idea is just a little too tempting from him to let it slip by.

“Practice,” Alex repeats, trying to not let the idea of snuggling up with Aaron cloud too much of his judgement. But it does sound practical. Besides, maybe he’s been fighting this too much. He’s agreed to do this, and practice might make things a little easier. Plus he can’t stop thinking of Aaron saying he cares about him. Alex finds himself nodding. “Alright. Fine. Practice. We can do that.”

“Good.”

“Will there be a test?” Alex jokes, grinning when Aaron huffs out a breath and turns, starting to drag Alex after him. “No, really. Are we going to have a cuddling exam? I’ll totally win.”

“You don’t _win_ exams.”

“ _I_ do,” Alex argues, grinning even more when Aaron doesn’t respond. “And I’ll win this one. Just you wait. I'll be a cuddling master.”

As they continue to walk hand in hand, Aaron resolutely ignoring the rest of what Alex says just like old times, Alex feels his spirits lift, just a little.

Maybe, just maybe, this won’t be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. Now the real fun begins. AKA my favorite trope ever, the "let's practice touching each other so people actually think we're dating while one or both of us dies from the tension and pining going on". Also. A double date is in the near future.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or at my tumblr @fanciful-follies! Thanks! :D


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Tuesday! AKA time for a new update!

Aaron is in a café when he experiences a slight life crisis.

And it all starts, as usual, because of Thomas.

He’s just standing off to the side, waiting for his two coffee orders, when Thomas comes sauntering in. He spots Aaron almost immediately, a slick smile lighting up his face that makes Aaron consider almost leaving without his coffees. That expression is a never a good one, especially not on Thomas.

“Aaron,” Thomas drawls, slapping a hand onto his shoulder. “Long time no see.”

“I guess,” Aaron responds, giving his friend a weird look. “I mean, I saw you like two weeks ago.” He nudges Thomas’s hand away. “Are you waiting for James to finish his shift?”

“Yep, we got a hot date tonight.”

Aaron hums, not caring to comment, and breathes a slight sigh of relief when his order gets called, reaching out for the two coffee cups. “Well, I-“

“Two coffees?” Thomas asks, eyebrows raised. “Your caffeine addiction has really gotten much worse. You should try water. Or like…an energy smoothie. Those are better for you.”

“Both aren’t for me. One is for Alexander.”

Thomas’s smile is suddenly back full force, and Aaron takes a small step back. “So it’s really true?” He asks, leaning with one elbow on the counter, blocking Aaron’s escape route. “You and Hamilton? Like…you’re a thing? A dating thing? A romantic thing? A sexual thing?”

“Please don’t ever say ‘a sexual thing’ to me ever again,” Aaron grumbles. But then he takes a deep breath. “And yes, we are.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“No, seriously, why?”

Aaron huffs out a breath. He should have escaped when he had the chance. “Because,” he says firmly, but Thomas gives him a look, so Aaron keeps going, not really having a choice. “Because we _are_ , Thomas. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry you don’t like him, but I do. And he likes me, so.”

“ _Everybody_ likes you,” Thomas tells him, but Aaron just rolls his eyes, too used to Thomas being dramatic to put any merit to his words. “Honestly, anyone, you could date _anyone_ , and you choose Hamilton? I’m gonna need more of an explanation. Like…what’s he even like as a person? Besides short and annoying, obviously.”

“He’s…” Aaron pauses, trying to think of what to say, and then feeling a small stab of guilt at having to stop and think. He knows Alexander; he should be able to come up with something. “He’s smart. Really smart. And…funny, once he stops stressing long enough to make a joke. And…” Aaron shrugs. “Nice. I…he’s nice.”

Thomas stares at him for a long beat. “Huh. Smart, funny, and nice. Sounds like an online dating profile. Does he also enjoy long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron grumbles, looking away from Thomas. “Shut up.” He knows there’s more to Alexander than just that. He could give examples of how he’s smart, funny and nice, but he doesn’t exactly feel like sharing all of that with Thomas.

And then there’s the fact that Aaron is starting to realize he literally doesn’t know anything about Alexander’s life from before they met a few months ago.

It’s something that’s been bothering Aaron ever since Alexander broke down after their initial meeting with Maria. Aaron had been so shocked, so frozen, not knowing what to do and sort of moving on autopilot because of it. Alexander just always seems so _strong_. Sure he’s stressed and frantic at times, but Aaron never expected to see him like that.

It made him realize how little he knows, how little he understands about Alexander. Made him realize that he wants to know more, because, while it still sometimes surprises him, Aaron genuinely likes Alexander. And seeing Alexander freak out the way he did showed Aaron that Alexander doesn’t seem to know that, that he thinks Aaron will make fun of him, or be mean. They both don’t know each other.

He wants to change that.

“Well,” Thomas says, breaking Aaron out of his thoughts and straightening up, smirking at Aaron as if he didn't just make Aaron feel even worse about the whole Alexander thing. “Have fun with your smart, funny, and nice boyfriend tonight, Aaron. Meanwhile I’ll be spending time with my spectacularly adorable boyfriend.” Thomas winks, and then he’s brushing past Aaron.

Aaron turns, eyes landing on James emerging from behind the counter, smiling as Thomas bends down for a kiss. Then James spots Aaron, giving him a small wave before intertwining his hand with Thomas’s, both of them walking out of the café.

Securing both coffees in his hands, Aaron leaves a few minutes later, trying not to think about how weird this night is going to be.

They’re meeting with Maria for the drawing tomorrow morning, so they’ve both agreed to spend the night attempting to learn how to be a couple, or at least _appear_ like a couple. Aaron isn’t exactly sure how to go about it, but he knows he’s going to have to take the lead based on the ways Alexander has reacted to physical affection.

It’s almost funny, because it’s not like Aaron knows much more. Sure, he’s slept with someone, has more experience in that area, but he’s never exactly dated either. He supposes he almost got there with Thomas, but then that just became a disaster, so he’s not sure how much he can draw from that relationship.

It does help that he’s comfortable around Alexander; there’s no way this would work otherwise. He takes it as a good sign that he’s been able to sleep in the same bed as Alexander before, that doesn’t happen often with his friends, besides Bellamy, but they’ve known each other since they were kids. If he can sleep in the same bed as Alexander, he should be able to cuddle up with him on one.

He’s semi-confident that this night will go okay.

Aaron gets back to his dorm in about ten minutes, sets the coffee cups down and then just waits, knowing Alexander is going to get there soon. Sure enough, there’s a knock at his door a few minutes later, and he takes a deep breath.

Aaron goes to the door, pulling it open and then taking in the sight of Alexander on the other side. He looks disheveled, hair tied up haphazardly in a bun and one side of his shirt slipping from his shoulder. Aaron is about to ask what’s wrong, but then his eyes take in the glasses Alexander is wearing.

“You wear glasses?” He asks, only realizing how dumb of a question that is when Alexander gives him a dry stare in response.

“Very good,” Alexander tells him, walking in and dropping his backpack onto the floor. “That is what these rectangular things with glass in them are called. Glasses. And since they’re on my face, yes, I’d say it’s safe to assume I do in fact wear them. Very astute.”

Aaron moves to close the door, turning around slowly to face Alexander, who’s scowling down at the floor, hands shoved in his pockets. “I meant,” Aaron starts gently, sensing that Alexander isn’t exactly in the best of moods, “that I didn’t know you wore them. I’ve never seen you in them before.”

“Yeah, well…” Alexander raises a hand to fiddle with his glasses. “I got punched in the face a lot as a kid, got tired of having to buy new glasses.” Alexander shrugs. “So, I got into the habit of only wearing them when I’m alone. I figured I’d be safe wearing them here.” He meets Aaron’s eyes. “Unless you’re planning on punching me. Apparently it’s cathartic.”

Aaron stares at him, not exactly sure how to respond to that. He hopes Alexander is kidding, but there’s a bitterness to his tone that Aaron isn’t used to. “I’m…” Aaron trails off, and then clears his throat. “Sorry. I didn’t…”

“It’s fine,” Alexander says, cutting him off, shoulders hunched. “Just…whatever.” He sighs. “I’m being an ass, sorry.”

Aaron shrugs. “You’re not, it’s fine.” He chews at the inside of his cheek for a moment, thinking. “I, uh, I bought coffee.” He gestures to where the two cups are sitting on his desk. “So, if you want some…” He trails off as Alexander nods, already moving over to grab his cup.

“Thanks.” He takes a sip, running a finger over the lid. “Sorry,” he says again. “I’m just…stressed. Have an essay that isn't going well. Shitty excuse, but…that’s all I’ve got.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I just insinuated you would punch me in the face given the chance.”

Aaron shrugs, lips twitching. “Lucky for you I’m not easily offended. Or the type to immediately punch someone in the face when told I can.”

Alex snorts. “Lucky me.” He finally smiles though, but Aaron can’t help but notice that even that motion seems heavy. “Although I don’t know if I agree that you aren’t easily offended. I said one wrong thing the first day we met and, well, if glares could kill…” He takes another sip of coffee, smile just a little wider.

Aaron rolls his eyes, choosing to ignore the comment as he grabs his own coffee cup, taking a long sip. “I’m not very good with first impressions.”

“Neither am I.”

“Another thing we have in common,” Aaron teases, remembering how Alexander had blurted out how similar they were the first day they met, and then only being able to come up with having the same eye color.

Alexander must remember, too, because he ducks his head with a blush, and Aaron chuckles, glad that the mood has shifted to something more pleasant. Especially given what they’re about to do.

“So,” Alexander starts, shifting on his feet and taking a deep breath. “Uhm…how do we...how should we do this?”

Aaron laughs, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. “I don’t really know,” he admits. “But I…I thought, if you want, we can just watch something on my laptop and…wing it.” His face heats up at how dumb that all sounds, but Alexander is nodding, like it makes perfect sense.

“Wing it,” he murmurs. “I like that method. I’m good at winging things. Usually.”

“Well, that makes one of us.”

“Not a spontaneous kind of guy?”

Aaron shakes his head, setting his coffee cup back down on his desk and grabbing his laptop. “I’m definitely a fan of planning out every detail.” He moves over to his bed. “And then I go over those details about a hundred times.”

Alexander hums, moving closer. “I plan, too. But then I end up changing every detail and have a whole new plan seconds before executing it, hence the whole winging it thing.” He stops and peers at the screen of Aaron’s laptop. “What are we going to watch? What’s appropriate cuddling TV?”

“I’m afraid I lack that knowledge,” Aaron mutters, bringing up Netflix.

“What kind of prodigy are you?”

Aaron sighs heavily, ignoring Alexander’s chuckle. “We could do something from food network?”

“Chopped!”

“Do you have the hots for Ted Allen, too? Bellamy will be jealous.”

Alexander rolls his eyes, but he toes off his shoes as Aaron pulls up an episode, and then he just stands at the edge of the bed, fidgeting.

Aaron tries to ignore it, but Alexander just keeps standing there, not moving, and Aaron has no other choice but to peer over at him. “This isn’t going to work if you don’t sit down,” he says gently, trying to be considerate of Alexander’s discomfort. He knows this isn’t exactly a normal situation. “Alexander, we don’t have to d-“

“Would you stop saying that?” Alexander snaps, sighing and rubbing at his forehead. “I told you, I don’t mind. I’m just…nervous.” He lowers his hand and stares at Aaron. “And embarrassed.”

“I know. And I told you, I won’t tease you. Just…pretend I’m someone else!” Aaron tells him, hoping the strange expression that flickers across Alexander’s face isn’t a bad one. “That’ll make it less weird.” Aaron smirks. “Pretend I’m Ted Allen.”

“You’re the worst,” Alexander grumbles, but then he’s moving, starting to climb onto the mattress, forcing Aaron to rearrange himself to give him room.

Eventually, Aaron ends up with his back to the headboard, his legs bent slightly and spread, intending for Alexander to fill the space between them. And Alexander does, moving slowly and not looking at Aaron as he sits with his back to Aaron’s chest, his knees bent and feet flat against the mattress.

Everything is still for a moment, and Aaron thinks that Alexander might be holding his breath.

“Will you press play?” Aaron murmurs, still unsure what to do with his hands, so he keeps them on the mattress for the time being.

Alexander shifts forward, letting the episode start, and then he’s leaning back again, flush against Aaron and still very stiff. Aaron takes a deep breath, trying to figure out what will make Alexander relax. It’s not like he can bring out a puzzle for them to do.

“I’m sorry,” Alexander blurts out a few minutes later, as if he knows what Aaron is thinking. He twists slightly so he can look at Aaron, and his expression is pained. “This is awkward, isn’t it?”

“A little,” Aaron admits, but then he smiles. “Alexander, all of this is awkward. But we’re both doing it, right? And hey, I thought you were going to be the cuddling master? I thought you were going to win?”

Alexander laughs at that, giving Aaron a brief smile before turning around again, settling back against Aaron with a shaky exhale. “You’re right. Okay. Cuddling. I can do that. Get ready. I’m going to cuddle the hell out of you.”

“Can’t wait.”

It takes a few minutes, but eventually Alexander does relax against him, sliding down the mattress a little so the back of his head is nestled between Aaron’s neck and shoulder, his hair tickling Aaron’s skin. And Aaron, after some hesitation, wraps his arms around Alexander’s waist as best he can, keeping their bodies snug against each other. It’s not one hundred percent comfortable, but it’s not bad either.

“Can you see the screen over my head?” Alexander asks some time later, and Aaron snorts.

“I can, miraculously.”

“Is that an insult about my head size?”

“You’ll never know.”

Alexander shifts against him, grumbling under his breath. “I thought you weren’t going to make fun of me? Wasn’t that the deal?”

“Only when it comes to certain things.”

“I feel betrayed.”

Aaron laughs softly, bending his legs a little more in an attempt to get more comfortable. He can feel Alexander breathing, the rise and fall of his chest, and Aaron thinks it’s almost calming, finding himself breathing in time with him.

He focuses his attention back on the episode of Chopped, where the contestants have just finished the appetizer round and are getting judged. He feels his chest tighten as one of the chefs starts talking about how they’re competing for their mother, who passed away when they were a teenager.

Aaron thinks he feels Alexander tense against him, and briefly considers changing the episode, but that would require moving and then ignoring the reason why he changed it. So he stays still and doesn’t say anything, just tightens his arms around Alexander slightly. But then the silence becomes too much.

“You never talk about your parents,” Aaron hears himself say, not exactly sure why he says it. It just slips out.

“Neither do you.”

Aaron shrugs. “Not much to say,” he murmurs. “I don’t remember them.”

Alexander is quiet for a moment, doesn’t say anything, which Aaron is thankful for. He knows Alexander understands, understands that saying sorry or giving pity never helps. But then Alexander sighs. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember,” he says quietly. “Does that make me an awful person?”

Aaron swallows back the initial response he wants to say, that he would give anything to have a solid memory of his parents, something to hold on to. “I don’t know,” he answers slowly instead, treading carefully. “But…I know you aren’t an awful person. Sometimes it can be easier to not think about something. Sometimes that helps you cope.” He pauses, not sure how much he should say, or how much Alexander wants to hear.

“You always say the right thing and it’s not fair.”

Aaron chuckles, smiling into Alexander’s hair. “Like I said, I plan out every detail. Sometimes it pays off.”

“My mom was like that,” Alexander murmurs, and Aaron almost holds his breath, not wanting to interrupt or ruin the moment. “It used to drive me crazy.” He laughs. “I mean, if you think I’m paranoid now, you should have seen me as a kid. I had zero patience. But my mom, she had more than enough for both of us.” He trails off there.

“I wish I’d known you as a kid.”

“Trust me,” Alexander says, laughing again. “You don’t. I was not a nice kid. I was…I was a lot to handle. Probably too much for a single mom.” He pauses, and Aaron can see him twisting his hands together. “My dad left when I was ten, before I came to New York. I didn’t handle it well. But my mom never stopped moving, she kept going, kept me from doing anything too reckless.”

Aaron nods, chin bumping against Alexander's head for a moment. “That’s how Sally was with me growing up,” Aaron murmurs, swallowing thickly. “She was the popular one in school. I think the only reason I didn’t get shit constantly from classmates was because everyone knew I was her brother.”

“I’m glad to know we were both annoying little shits growing up,” Alexander teases. “I always…whenever I was having a bad day or thinking about my dad, I always referred to myself as shit, and my mom would get so mad, tell me that nothing that came from her could be shit except her own shit.”

Aaron laughs at that, the sound loud after speaking so softly. “I like that.”

Alexander hums, leaning a little further into Aaron. “Do you…do you really not remember anything?”

Aaron tilts his head back. “I mean, I was barely three when they died. But Sally was five, remembers more than I ever did. She would tell me stories of everything she could remember. She told me our mom used to sing to us all the time. That her favorite song to sing to me was You Are My Sunshine.”

“That’s nice.”

“Sometimes I think I can remember it. But I don’t know if I’m just making the memory up.”

They both fall silent after that, Aaron lost in his own thoughts, Alexander probably the same. Neither of them try to break that silence, and soon the next episode of Chopped is starting and finishing, and him and Alexander keep watching, still pressed against each other, breathing in time.

After another episode, Aaron feels his eyes starting to grow heavy. He nudges at Alexander, attempting to get his attention, but Alexander makes no response.

“Alexander?” Aaron says, moving a little so he can peer down, but then he sees that Alexander is already asleep, a small crease between his eyebrows as he breaths in and out slowly, glasses slightly askew on his face.

Aaron smiles, shaking his head as he carefully slips out from behind Alexander, chuckling when he just flops onto the bed and rolls over onto his side, still completely asleep. Aaron situates himself next to Alexander after turning off the light, staring at him and smiling at the way his glasses are smushed up against his face.

He reaches out to gently slide his glasses off, placing them on his bedside table before turning back and pulling a blanket over both of them.

He learned a lot about Alexander today, a lot of which had been a surprise. And it makes him want to know more, realizing again how little they’ve both shared with each other. Sure they’ve been friends for a while, but Aaron, if faced with the question, never felt like he could describe Alexander or tell people who he is.

It feels good, knowing that he’s getting a little closer to that, to understanding Alexander.

-

They wake up later than intended the next morning, only giving them about twenty minutes before they’re needed at Maria’s for the second attempt at the drawing.

Aaron is returning from the bathroom when he sees Alexander standing in the middle of his room, frowning and picking at his sweatshirt, his hair down now, curling against his shoulders.

“What?” Aaron asks, bending down to get his shoes on quickly. Maria will kill them if they're late.

“I smell,” Alexander says flatly. “I slept in these clothes. I don’t want to smell for the drawing.”

“No one is going to be able to tell,” Aaron tells him with a roll of his eyes. “It’s not a scratch and sniff. You’ll be fine.” He straightens up, exhaling heavily when Alexander continues to frown. “Fine.”

“Fine what?” Alexander asks as Aaron walks over to his closet. “What are you doing?”

“You can borrow one of my shirts,” Aaron says, grabbing a red sweater and tossing it over at Alexander, who catches it and just stares down at it, like he still doesn’t understand. “What? You don’t like my fashion sense?” Aaron teases, grabbing a jacket and slipping it on.

Alexander glares at him and then promptly turns, stripping his sweatshirt off and quickly pulling Aaron’s sweater on, turning back around with a slightly flushed face. “Do I look stupid?”

Aaron blinks at him, eyes tracking down his form. “No,” is all he says, not exactly sure why he’s suddenly smiling. Choosing to ignore it, he walks over to the door and holds it open for Alexander, figuring it would be best not to be late and stay on Maria’s good side.

They get to her place about ten minutes later and are quickly ushered in with the instructions to have their shit together and cuddle up on the couch.

Aaron and Alexander share a look before moving, Aaron sitting down first with his back to the arm rest, one of his legs outstretched and the other bent and dangling of the edge, the couch not as wide as his bed had been.

Then Alexander slowly sits, his back to Aaron’s chest like last night, knees bent and thighs almost touching his own chest. Aaron shifts one of his arms to lean against the arm rest, then moves his other arm to wrap around Alexander’s waist.

“Good!” Comes Maria’s relieved voice from across the room, and they both turn to see her smiling. “You guys look great. Awesome. All right just try not to move too much, okay? I’ll sketch the outlines as fast as I can. Oh, and try not to talk too much, it’s distracting.”

Aaron hears Alexander mutter something under his breath that sounds faintly like ‘torture’ and smiles, feeling relaxed and loose with Alexander pressed against him. It had been cold outside, and he feels much warmer now, even pulls Alexander a little closer.

“Where are your glasses?” Aaron asks, realizing that Alexander doesn’t have them on.

Alexander twists, giving Aaron a weird look. “I took them off, obviously.”

Aaron hesitates a moment, wondering if what he’s going to say will sound strange, but then shrugging. “You should wear them. I like you with glasses. And I promise I won't let Maria punch you if you're worried about that.”

Alexander blinks up at him, eyes wide, and then he licks his lips, giving a small nod before turning away and moving to unzip his backpack, pulling out a case and then getting his glasses, placing them back on and then settling back against Aaron.

“No moving,” Maria reminds them sternly.

“Sorry,” Aaron murmurs, not really feeling sorry at all, especially not when he sees the way Alexander is smiling, even if he tries to hide it.

Aaron keeps his arms loosely around Alexander’s middle, and at some point, Alexander’s hands move to cover Aaron’s, fingers smoothing over the skin and making Aaron smile, the sensation causing his hands to tingle. "Very daring of you," Aaron teases, voice low.

"If I'm going to win this cuddling exam," Alexander says, "then I've gotta do something."

Time passes smoothly after that, Aaron actually managing to drift in and out of sleep a few times, feeling content and comfortable. But Maria always calls his nameAnd Alexander manages to stay still for most of the session, only having to stretch out his legs a few times.

Before Aaron knows it, Maria is telling them they’re done.

“I’ve got the initial sketch,” she tells them as they stand up and walk over to where she’s staring down at her sketchbook. “And I think this is going to be amazing, if I do say so myself.” She smiles up at them. “Thanks so much for doing this!”

“Anytime,” Aaron tells her.

“Well, I should get back to my homework,” Alexander says, and Aaron turns to see him with his eyes still on the sketch. But then he moves them and looks at Aaron, expression tentative but hopeful. “I’ll…I’ll see you later though, yeah?”

Aaron nods. “Yeah. If…if you want, you can stop by my room whenever you need a break. We can go eat.”

“Okay,” Alexander says with a smile, rocking forward on his feet, eyes darting to Aaron’s mouth so fast that Aaron almost misses it. But then Alexander is leaning away and scratching at the back of his neck. “Right. Well…” he laughs breathlessly. “I’ll see you later then.” He gives a small wave to Maria before walking out, glancing back at Aaron briefly.

Aaron stares after him for a few moments, mind a little hazy. He’s not exactly sure what just happened between them, if Alexander was actually considering kissing him for a second. But it doesn’t matter, it wouldn’t have been real, anyway. Just a show for Maria.

“I should go, too,” Aaron murmurs, and is about to head out when Maria’s hand grabs his, stopping him. And he turns back, surprised to see her staring so seriously at him. Maria is rarely so serious.

“What?”

“Alex is really great,” Maria says, voice low, her eyes on his. “I hope you know that.”

Aaron swallows, his stomach churning. “I do.”

“Good.” Maria lets go and gives him a small smile. “Because you’re really lucky to have him.”

Aaron blinks at her, but then he nods, turning away and heading for the front door quickly, suddenly desiring fresh air.

As he walks, Aaron can’t shake the strange feeling that has settled over him. He can’t stop thinking about how easily he’s settled into this arrangement with Alexander. Or how Alexander had smiled at him, eyes bright from behind his glasses, or how Aaron’s shirt sleeves hung over his hands, or how comfortable Aaron felt with Alexander against him.

_“You’re lucky to have him.”_

With Maria’s words ringing in his head, Aaron finds himself wondering what it would actually be like to date Alexander, to date him for real. But then he quickly pushes those thoughts aside, giving himself a small shake. That’s never going to happen, anyway. He reminds himself of all the times Alexander has pulled away from him, how uncomfortable he’s looked when Aaron has put an arm around him or kissed his cheek, or how he made it clear that kissing for real is off the table, how reluctant he was to even start this whole fake dating thing.

Alexander has made it very clear that he’s not interested in Aaron that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A A R O N YOU ARE A FOOL. But he kind of made progress??? Very small progress??? Starting to maybe realize his feelings??? I'll give him props for that,
> 
> Next week, it's double date time with Herc and Bellamy. It'll definitely be interesting.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!!! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! So leave them here or on my tumblr @fanciful-follies 
> 
> :D


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! EARLY UPDATE!

“Are you okay?”

Alex jumps at the question, turning to look at Eliza who is staring at him with concern from across the library table they managed to grab a few hours ago. “Huh? I mean, yeah, I’m okay. I’m great. Why?”

“Your face is all pinched up, like this.” Eliza scrunches up her face in a very unattractive expression, making Alex slump down in his chair. “That’s not exactly an ‘I’m great’ face.” She smiles at him. “So?”

Alex sighs, fiddling with his pencil. “It’s just…”

“Trouble in paradise?” Eliza asks gently.

Alex laughs, unable to keep the sound in. “Not exactly.”

In fact, things with Aaron are actually going really well.

They’ve fallen into a weird sort of rhythm over the past week or so, ever since they did the pose for Maria's drawing. They get most meals together, study together; Alex even spends a few nights a week over at Aaron’s dorm room. Usually it’s because Herc is over with Bellamy or Alex is too tired to walk back, but still, Aaron lets him stay every time he asks

It’s nice, their rhythm. Alex likes it, he’s happy. More than that, he’s _comfortable_. He’s stopped freaking out so much about everything; not having the time with how much Aaron is around now. And Aaron seems happy, too, always smiling at Alex and being so nice. Sometimes he even seems like he's flirting for real when they're alone. And that’s what is confusing the hell out of Alex.

He isn’t sure if he’s imagining it, but he feels like something has shifted between them, something small but also something really fucking big at the same time. Alex notices it when Aaron stares at him a beat longer than usual, or when they’re cuddling or holding hands and Aaron will kind of stiffen up and then move away, looking embarrassed.

He’s acting like Alex did when they first started this whole thing.

“When did you know that Theodosia liked you?” Alex asks Eliza, hoping his tone is casual. “Like, when you two first met, when did you realize that she liked you?”

Eliza blinks at him, her expression a little surprised. “Oh. Well, I’m not sure, really. I mean, she did offer to buy me coffee after I spilled some all over her, so that was kind of a big sign.” She laughs, expression turning fond.

“Okay, but like, when did you know she wanted to _date_ you?”

“When she asked me.”

Alex groans and takes a deep breath, trying to not come across as too crazy. “No, I mean, like…how did you _know_? How did you know that she was flirting for real and liked you and wanted to be with you? How did you know to flirt back?”

Eliza sighs, resting her chin in her hand and raising her eyebrows at Alex. “I don’t know! I just knew. I guess…maybe when she kissed me for the first time?” Eliza gives Alex a strange look. “Is this just some weird way of getting me to tell you about mine and Theo’s first kiss? Alex, that’s creepy and wrong.”

“What! No!” Alex scrambles into an upright position, feeling his eyes go wide. “That is not what I’m doing! Eliza, I would never-“ He cuts off when Eliza starts to laugh, exhaling slowly when he realizes she was kidding. “That was mean.”

“You should have seen your face. You’re so easy to tease.” Eliza grins and flicks a piece of hair behind her shoulder. “And listen, I’m being serious with that answer. I knew Theo liked me and was interested when she kissed me for the first time. That and how she was always asking me to hang out were pretty good clues.”

Alex chews at his lip as he takes in that information. Him and Aaron have kissed before, but it had been at New Year’s, and only at Maria’s suggestion. It hadn’t been a real kiss, so Alex doesn’t think that he can count that as a sign Aaron likes him. They do hang out a lot though.

“Alex,” Eliza says gently. “What’s all this about? Is everything okay with you and Aaron?”

“Yeah. I…yeah.” Alex shrugs, knowing that he can't tell her what he's actually thinking about. “I just, sometimes I’m not…I just worry he doesn’t like me.”

“Hey.” Eliza reaches out to take his hand, giving it a squeeze. “I know the first month or so of dating is weird, especially when you haven’t dated a lot. Theo is my first girlfriend, and I definitely have those moments, too. Like…how can this wonderful person like me?”

Alex chuckles, squeezing her hand back. “Probably cause you’re pretty wonderful, too. A perfect match.”

“See,” Eliza tells him with a smile. “How could Aaron not like a sweet talker such as yourself? Trust me, he likes you. He talks more than I’ve ever seen him talk when he’s around you. And hey, you guys were friends first, right? Sometimes it’s easier to focus on that, to remember there’s a history behind the relationship. That helped me. All the romantic stuff will start to come naturally.”

“Yeah.” Alex removes his hand from Eliza’s so he can run it through his hair. Then he laughs. “We’re going on a double date with Bellamy and Herc tomorrow. Can’t get much more romantic than that.”

Alex had been sure that Aaron would find some way to get them out of the double date, but had been surprised when Aaron had agreed instantly, citing guilt at lying to Bellamy about their relationship as his reason.

Alex couldn’t care either way whether they go or not. It’ll be different with Bellamy and Herc than it had been with Eliza and Theodosia, especially since Alex isn’t trying to get with Bellamy or Herc. There’s no way this double date can be worse than their first one.

Plus, now that Alex feels more comfortable with Aaron, albeit a little uncertain about how Aaron is feeling, he’s almost excited for the double date. Maybe it’ll give him some insight on the whole situation.

Maybe it'll help him figure out if Aaron actually likes him.

-

“We’re going rollerblading?”

Alex shifts in the backseat of Bellamy’s car when Aaron asks that question, turning to look out the window. “Nice!” he exclaims when he sees the building they’re pulling up to. “I love rollerblading.”

“Right?” Herc twists in their seat to peer back at Alex, grinning widely. “It’s so fun. I did this awesome trick with Bellamy last time we were here. I like, lifted him off the ground and shit. I bet we can do it again.”

“We almost got kicked out,” Bellamy adds in, also smiling. “Apparently my skate almost hit someone in the head. Almost. No one got hurt.”

Alex chuckles, already looking forward to definitely being kicked out this time. He turns to Aaron, who is frowning out the window, looking less than thrilled. “You don’t like rollerblading?”

Aaron shrugs. “I’ve never done it.”

“Aaron has awful balance,” Bellamy says, laughing when Aaron scoffs. “It’s true. Remember that one time when you borrowed my Heelys and-“

“My balance is fine,” Aaron cuts in, crossing his arms. “Just not when I have wheels attached to my feet. I’ll just watch.”

“What?” Alex exclaims. “I don’t think so! No watching allowed, only moving!” He looks at Aaron imploringly. “Come on, that’s no fun. What kind of date just watches?”

“A kinky one,” Herc says, but Alex ignores them.

“I’ll teach you,” he tells Aaron, smiling when Aaron rolls his eyes, a sure sign that he’s going to give in soon, so Alex keeps pushing. “I’m a rollerblading _master_. You’ll be great after I’m done with you. Or, you know, you can just grab onto my arm the whole time and I’ll drag you around.”

Finally, Aaron laughs, uncrossing his arms and rubbing the palms of his hands over his jeans. “I’ll think about it.”

Alex leans back in his seat, grinning. He won. Aaron is totally gonna rollerblade with him.

They park and go inside, paying for skates and finding a place to sit down to put them on. Alex has to hold back laughter as Aaron frowns the entire time trying to put his rollerblades on. Eventually though, after five more minutes of waiting, Alex scoots over to Aaron and nudges him.

“You want some help?” He asks, moving in front of Aaron once he nods. “Are you really that bad at it? I mean, you never went rollerblading growing up?” Alex hums when Aaron shakes his head and shrugs. “My foster family would take me. I had too much energy, so they thought it was a good outlet.”

That gets a chuckle out of Aaron, and Alex stands up once he’s done getting Aaron’s skates on feeling proud at lightening the mood1. Then he holds out a hand, trying to look encouraging as Aaron takes it and pulls himself up, only stumbling a little. Alex bites at his lip as they slowly make their way over to the rink, stopping when Aaron gives his hand a tug.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he murmurs, expression serious, and Alex nods, stepping onto the rink while keeping his hand in Aaron’s. “And don’t you dare let go.”

It’s slow moving for a while, Aaron only moving a few feet over a span of minutes, his face lined with determination that Alex finds both hilarious and adorable. He almost breaks his promise and laughs when a couple of kids zoom past them, making Alex scowl, but then Aaron is glaring at him, and Alex swallows the laugh down quickly.

Alex is trying not to think about how nice this feels, holding Aaron’s hand and helping him, trying not to think about how good of a time he’s having. But then he remembers what Eliza told him, about not forgetting that him and Aaron were friends first. They can still have fun as friends. So Alex lets himself have a good time, lets himself smile at Aaron and not worry about the fake dating, which is slowly starting to feel a lot like real dating.

But Alex won’t think about that, not yet. Not until he’s _sure_.

“You’re killing it,” Alex tells Aaron once they’ve made it around the rink once. “Like, really. I’m in awe.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious. You’ve got a future as a professional rollerblader.”

“My uncle would love that,” Aaron grumbles, but then he half smiles at Alex. “Would you be my coach? Lead me on to the Olympics?”

“Sure. Then I’ll quit and enter the competition myself to beat you.”

“How cruel.”

Alex shrugs, looking around and spotting Bellamy and Herc racing each other. That probably won’t end well, for them or for anyone who gets in their way. Then he glances back at Aaron, who is watching him closely. Alex raises his eyebrows in a silent question, but Aaron just shakes his head, looking away.

They skate in silence for a while; Aaron only tripping once, which Alex counts as a success. He even has the decency to pretend to trip himself, although judging by Aaron’s unimpressed expression, he didn’t sell it very well. But it's the thought that counts.

“Sorry if this is annoying,” Aaron says, glancing down at their hands. “This probably isn’t how you imagined the day going.”

Alex laughs. “Well, that’s true. But it’s not a bad turn of events. Although I guess it was bad planning on our part to not ask Bellamy and Herc what they wanted to do today. We should have known.”

“Bellamy would have lied anyway, he knows I would never agree.”

“Are you having fun?” Alex asks, suddenly worried that Aaron is just waiting for this whole thing to be over. “We could always lea-“

“It’s fine,” Aaron assures him, a small smile on his face. “I’d admit it’s a little fun if I wasn’t feeling so self-conscious about clinging to you like a child.”

Alex laughs again, squeezing Aaron’s hand. “Here, let’s try something else.” He stops them both, grabbing both of Aaron’s hands and placing them on his waist as he slowly turns around, facing away from Aaron. “Hold on that way, and I’ll lead us around. You’ll look a little less ridiculous.”

Aaron is silent, and Alex worries that this is somehow too weird, but then Aaron’s hands press a little harder against Alex’s hips. “Okay. Not too fast.”

Alex grins, happy that Aaron can’t see how hard he’s smiling. And he’s sure he’s blushing, too, based on how warm his face feels. But he focuses on leading them both around the rink, skating a little faster than before but not too fast. He catches Bellamy smiling over at them, and gives him a little wave, which Bellamy returns before turning back to Herc.

Aaron doesn’t stumble again, in fact he seems pretty balanced and could probably skate on his own at this point, but Alex doesn’t say that when Aaron's hands slowly move to circle his entire waist, palms pressing against his stomach. He just grins even wider, wondering if Aaron can feel his stomach fluttering.

“Hey,” Alex starts some time later, smiling. “What would you do if I told you I don’t know how to stop?”

“I would hate you.”

“Well, good thing that was a joke then.” Alex slows them down, reaching out for the wall to grab onto, bringing them to a full stop right beside the exit. “You ready for a break?” He reluctantly steps out of Aaron’s grip so he can get out first, helping Aaron get out after. “My feet are killing me.”

“Poor you.”

“Don’t make me push you back out there alone.”

Aaron knocks his shoulder against Alex’s before moving to sit down on a bench, breathing out a relieved sigh. He starts to take off his skates, and Alex finds himself staring at his hands and the way his fingers move. Then he meets Aaron’s eyes, his face flushing at the smirk Aaron gives him. He thinks Aaron is about to say something when suddenly a phone starts ringing, breaking them out of the moment.

Aaron’s face falls, and then he looks down at his pocket where both him and Alex can see the screen of his phone lighting up, the ringing continuing.

“Are you gonna answer?” Alex asks lightly, biting at his lip when Aaron shakes his head. He takes a deep breath. “You know it might by S-“

“I know who it might be,” Aaron snaps, making Alex jump at the harsh tone. “I don’t want to talk to her.”

Alex holds up his hands. “Okay.” He peers at Aaron for a few more moments, watching his jaw tick, and then focuses on getting his skates off, trying to think of a way to move past this tense moment.

“Sorry,” Aaron mumbles eventually, and Alex looks back up to see Aaron looking down at the ground, his shoulders hunched. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.” He suddenly looks exhausted. “Myabe…I’ll ask Bellamy to drive me back, I’m not…” He trails off, and Alex feels like shaking him, wanting him to snap out of whatever this is.

He glances around as he thinks of a way to cheer him up, eyes landing on a photo booth at the other end of the room. Inspired, Alex stands up, kicking at Aaron’s foot so he’ll look up at him. “C’mon,” Alex tells him, nodding over at the photo booth. “I want a picture.” He starts to walk over, rolling his eyes when he hears Aaron grumbling behind him.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Aaron mutters, his elbow digging painfully into Alex’s side in the cramped booth as they both climb in. “This is ridiculous.”

Alex rolls his eyes again. “This whole day has been ridiculous. We went rollerblading, Aaron. Doing a photo booth picture is just completing the ridiculous cycle of the day. It’ll be fun.” He presses on the screen, choosing a border for their pictures.

“I don’t like taking pictures.”

“Get over it,” Alex says, scooting back when the countdown from ten begins. “Plus you’re getting grumpy, this will cheer you up. All right, let’s deadpan for the first pose. Should be easy for you, since that’s just your normal face.” He snorts when Aaron glares at him, which just proves his point. “Okay, don’t smile!”

The first picture is taken, and they have another ten seconds for the next pose. Alex turns to Aaron, who is staring at him intently. “Your turn, what pose?” But Aaron just keeps staring, so Alex shrugs. “I’ll do a hair mustache,” he says, pulling a strand of hair across his lip. “And you get bunny ears.” He slips his hand behind Aaron’s head and holds up his fingers, smiling just in time for the second flash.

“You’re actually enjoying this,” Aaron states, and Alex shrugs again.

“It’s fun. And like I said, you were getting grumpy, and this is part of my cheer Aaron up plan, and I plan to succeed so it would help if you participated.”

Aaron is silent, causing Alex to look over at him, blinking at the still weirdly intense expression on Aaron’s face. Then his lips are curving up into a small smile, and Alex feels his face flush. “You’re something else,” Aaron murmurs, shifting slightly, and Alex is starting to realize how close they are.

“Sorry,” Alex whispers, finding himself leaning in closer to Aaron without really meaning to. He swallows when Aaron laughs gently, shaking his head and reaching out to tuck a piece of Alex’s hair behind his ear, fingers warm against his skin. Alex thinks the third picture just got taken, but he can’t focus on anything except Aaron and how hot the booth is getting.

“Don’t be.” Aaron shifts again in his spot, eyes flicking down to Alex's mouth. “Can I…for the next picture, can I kiss you on the cheek? It’s not really a complete photo booth experience if we don’t do that pose, right?”

Alex opens his mouth to respond, but no noise comes out. He hates how smooth Aaron is, and the guy isn’t even trying. But Alex nods once, very slowly, and he closes his mouth as Aaron’s hand moves to the back of his neck. Then they’re both moving in, eyes fluttering shut.

Alex isn’t sure who does do it, who moves first, but somehow the angle changes last minute, and instead of Aaron’s lips pressing against his cheek, they move over an inch or two, brushing over Alex’s own lips, and Alex breathes in sharply.

Neither of them move away, they stay just as they are, lips barely pressed together in a kiss, but Alex feels lightheaded anyway. He thinks he feels Aaron’s hand press a little more firmly against his neck, the kiss becoming just a fraction deeper, and Alex lets his lips part just a little, heart pounding when Aaron hums softly in response.

Alex presses closer, breathing out in sharp bursts against Aaron’s mouth. His hand twitches at his side, and he’s considering lifting it to place it somewhere on Aaron, wanting to touch him, when there’s suddenly a loud banging against the photo booth.

Alex jerks back, face heating up immediately. He glances at Aaron, who is staring back at him with a slightly dazed expression. He’s opening his mouth to say something, but then there’s another bang against the photo booth.

“C’mon you two,” Herc’s voice calls. “We want to go get ice cream and Bellamy gets cranky when he’s hungry so I’d love to avoid that. Y’all can finish making out later.”

“We aren’t making out,” Alex squeaks, shuffling away from Aaron and then stumbling his way out of the photo booth so he can glare up at Herc. “We were just…taking pictures.”

Herc just raises their eyebrows at that, looking amused, and Alex scowls as they reach out a hand to pat him on the shoulder. “There is such a thing as multitasking. Don’t be embarrassed. You are two very attractive people with raging hormones. I encourage making out. Just not at this particular moment.”

“Duly noted,” Aaron’s voice says, and Alex turns to see him coming out of the booth. His eyes stay on Alex for a few seconds before moving to Herc again. “Go grab Bell. We’ll be ready to go in a few minutes and meet you outside.”

Alex swallows thickly as Herc walks away, leaving him and Aaron alone. He watches as Aaron turns away, grabbing two slips out of the photo booth slot, looking down at them. A few seconds pass, and then Aaron is facing him again, extending one hand, holding out one of the slips out to him.

Alex takes it, looking down to see the four pictures they took. The first two Alex remembers, the dead pan and the silly picture. But the last two he hadn’t been really paying attention to when they were taken.

The third picture is of Aaron tucking a strand of hair behind Alex’s hair, a small smile on his face while Alex just stares at him. Then the fourth picture…

Alex feels himself blush as he takes in the image of him and Aaron kissing, both of their eyes closed, Aaron’s hand at the back of his neck. Alex’s stomach flutters, and he’s tempted to lift his hand to press his fingers to his lips, to feel where Aaron kissed him, but he manages to refrain and saves himself the embarrassment.

He expects to feel upset or confused, but instead he just feels…tingly. It had been a good kiss. A mutual kiss. Just between them, with no one else around. That’s never happened before. It has to mean something.

“Sorry,” Aaron tells him suddenly, and Alex looks back up to see him looking at Alex with a guilty expression. “I shouldn’t have…you said kissing was off the table and I shouldn’t h-“

“You don’t need to apologize,” Alex cuts in. He clears his throat. “You, uh, you asked, and I said yes, so.” He doesn’t expand on the fact that it was initially supposed to be a kiss on the cheek. He still doesn’t know which one of them made the decision to change it to an actual kiss, but the fact that Aaron is apologizing makes it seem like Aaron chose to. “Really,” Alex continues, smiling, because he isn’t upset, not even a little, and he needs Aaron to stop looking so worried. “Stop freaking out.”

Aaron smiles hesitantly, eyes roaming over Alex's face. “I’ll do my best.” He nods his head over to the doors. “You ready for some ice cream?”

“The perfect end to our ridiculous day,” Alex says, starting to walk over to the doors. He makes it about three feet before he feels Aaron’s hand sliding into his own, intertwining their fingers.

Alex stumbles a little, the gesture taking him by surprise, but Aaron keeps walking and tugs Alex along, his hand warm.

Getting ice cream is pretty routine, although Herc does shame Alex for not getting sprinkles on his, and Bellamy somehow gets ice cream all over Aaron’s shirt at one point. But other than that, they have a good time, and Alex finds himself grinning widely for most of it.

And then they’re going back to Bellamy’s car, but before Alex gets in, Aaron calls his name, making him pause to look back.

“Do you…” Aaron pauses, hands in his pockets. “Do you want to stay the night? You can pick something to watch this time. I mean, if you’re not sick of me yet.” He smiles at that, but Alex notices the way he rocks back on his heels, eyes darting to the ground for a brief moment.

“I…okay.” Alex smiles when Aaron looks at him, expression pleased. “That’s…yeah. I’ll stay."

Aaron nods, stepping forward to open the door for him. “Okay, good.”

Alex slides in, feeling a little breathless as Aaron gets in beside him, still smiling as he shuts the door and settles against the seat, their thighs touching.

“Yeah. Good.”

They fall silent after that, Bellamy and Herc’s loud singing from the front of the car taking away any opportunity for more conversation. But Alex doesn’t mind. It gives him time to go over the day in his head, to go over the kiss, the invitation back to Aaron’s place to spend more time together.

His mind goes back to what Eliza told him earlier, and all of it is starting to add up. There’s a small spark of hope inside Alex, a spark that seems to be signaling that Aaron might be starting to feel differently about him, a good different. It’s clear they’re close friends, but Alex is beginning to hope that things might become something more between them. If things keep going the way they are, maybe what Eliza said will be true.

Maybe all the romantic stuff will come naturally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P R O G R E S S aren't y'all proud??? Good thing Alex isn't as oblivious as Aaron. 
> 
> Big things are happening in these next couple of chapters so get ready.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! So leave em here or on my tumblr @fanciful-follies! :)


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that's right, double update.
> 
> Enjoy x

Aaron sighs heavily as he glances at the clock in the café, drumming his fingers against the counter as he waits for Maria to come back. She’d seen him walk in and had immediately told him to wait before she ran outside, leaving him completely baffled with nothing else to do but wait.

It’s been about five minutes, and Aaron is considering leaving, but then the bell above the door jingles, and Aaron turns to see Maria coming back in and bounding over to him, extending her hand towards him and shoving a piece of paper in his direction.

“Left it in my car. But here! I finished it!”

Aaron takes the paper from Maria, his heart doing a strange sort of flip in his chest when he sees the drawing of him and Alexander on the surface.

“Do you like it?” Maria asks, practically bouncing up and down as she looks at Aaron, and Aaron nods, taking in how real it looks.

Alexander is leaning against Aaron’s chest, small smiles on both of their faces, and Aaron can’t help but smile now as his eyes land on Alexander’s glasses and the sweater he’d borrowed from Aaron that morning. He looks good. They both do. They look like an actual couple. They look…right.

He clears his throat and looks back up at Maria, trying to calm the strange buzzing under his skin. “It’s amazing, Maria, really. It’s…yeah.” He doesn’t expand on how warm it makes him feel, but he hopes she gets the message. “You outdid yourself.”

Maria claps her hands. “Oh, I’m so glad you like it. I couldn’t get your face down for _so_ long and I was debating changing Alex’s hair to like, cover your face or something, but then I finally got it and I’m pretty happy with it.”

“You should be. And thanks for not covering up my face.”

“Anytime,” Maria tells him with a smile, reaching out to take the drawing back. “I can make you a copy, if you want, since I’ll be hanging it up with all the other ones for Valentine’s Day. Do you want me to copy it? One for you and Alex?”

Aaron hesitates a moment, but then he nods, not able to hide how much he'd like his own copy. “Yeah, that would be nice.” He smiles when Maria beams at him. “Speaking of Valentine’s Day, you got any hot dates lined up?”

Maria snorts. “Oh please. I’ve got some hot hours to work lined up. Maybe I’ll convince a customer to buy me a drink or something crazy like that. That’s as close to a date as I’ll get. What about you and Alex? Got any Valentine’s Day plans?”

Aaron chews at the inside of his cheek, leaning against the counter as his stomach does another strange series of flips at Maria’s question. Do they have plans? _Should_ they have plans?

Ever since the double date with Bellamy and Herc, Aaron has been unsure of what’s going on with him and Alexander. They’d kissed. Not just that, Aaron had kissed him, had been unable to resist, had suffered some sort of aneurism and just kissed Alexander right on the mouth without thinking about it.

And it had been a good kiss.

It’s a kiss that Aaron now replays in his head over and over, picking apart each moment and trying to figure out what it all means. He can’t deny that he’s attracted to Alexander, that’s a glaring truth that’s been staring him in the face the past few days. So, yeah, he’s physically attracted to Alexander, but what does that _mean_?

Aaron refuses to let their relationship turn into what he had with Thomas. He doesn’t want it to just be physical, for it to end in them having a falling out. He doesn’t want to mess anything up. He doesn’t want to lose Alexander.

But he also doesn’t know what to do. He still doesn’t know how Alexander feels. Hell, he still doesn’t fully know how _he_ feels. Does he actually want to date Alexander? Would Alexander say yes to dating him? Or would that be moving things too fast? But then what if he waits too long to ask and Alexander moves on and Aaron realizes he does like him a lot and he let the opportunity slip by?

“Are you okay?” Maria asks, and Aaron startles in surprise, having momentarily forgotten that she was there. “You look like you’re dying.”

Aaron sighs, rubbing at his face. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

“Is that a no on Valentine’s Day plans, or?”

“I don’t know. I don’t…” He takes a deep breath. “Things have just been…I don’t know where me and Alexander stand right now.” He shrugs, fingers tapping against the counter again. “Things were…things were really slow, at first, and then they sped up, and now I don’t…I don’t know what he wants.” _Or what I want_ , Aaron adds silently in his head. This is a mess. He’s a mess.

Maria blinks at him, her eyes narrowing. “Why don’t you just ask him?” She says bluntly, rolling her eyes when Aaron just stares at her. “Aaron, honey, it’s not that complicated. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you make things very dramatic sometimes. All you need to do is ask Alex what he wants.”

Aaron scowls at the advice, wishing it were that easy. Granted, Maria doesn’t know the whole situation, so she can’t give the advice Aaron needs, but still. How is Aaron supposed to just _ask_? How does he bring up that he might want to date Alexander for real? How can he know that asking that won’t freak Alexander out?

Alexander hasn’t even mentioned the kiss since it happened. What if that’s a sign that it didn’t mean anything to him? What if bringing the kiss up makes things weird between them? Aaron doesn't want to risk that. 

“I don’t know,” Aaron mumbles, straightening up. “I’ll think about it.”

“Do more than think, Aaron. No offense, but you are super emotionally constipated. You never share anything, unless people drag it out of you. And Alex is too worried about offending you to ask anything, so.” Maria shrugs. “Ball is in your court, hun. Don’t mess it up.” She looks over his shoulder and then waves him away. “You’re distracting me from my duties. Go find your boyfriend and pour your heart out.”

Aaron sighs as Maria moves away, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walks out of the café.

Is he being ridiculous? Making things harder than they need to be? He doesn’t know. He’s just so bad at reading things, sometimes. It takes a lot of time for things to sink in, for him to understand them and then make a decision. It’s how he’s always been. He doesn’t like jumping into things.

And the idea of admitting how he feels, how he thinks he’s starting to feel, and Alexander not feeling the same way…Aaron isn’t sure if he’d be able to handle that. And on the other side of things, Aaron isn't even one hundred percent certain of his own feelings, and he doesn't want to lead Alexander on or anything. 

But maybe Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to take a chance. He could just casually make plans with Alexander, invite him over and then ask if he wants to go out and do something. Then, if it goes well, if they have another moment like they did in the photo booth, maybe Aaron will ask him, ask him to really date him.

Maybe.

-

Valentine’s Day comes around much faster than Aaron would like, especially since his confidence has been wavering every day about his decision to ask Alexander out.

Whenever they’re together, Aaron thinks more and more that Alexander only sees him as a friend. He makes no attempt to kiss Aaron again, or to touch him, and Aaron doesn’t want to push him by being the one to make a move. Maria is wrong; the ball is in Alexander’s court. It’s his turn to kiss him. That's only fair.

But Aaron still invites Alexander over to his room on Valentine’s Day. Sure it’s under the pretense of studying together, but still, at least he does it. At least they’ll hang out. And who knows, maybe something will happen and everything will just fall into place.

There’s a knock on his door around 8, and Aaron scrambles up from his bed at the noise, taking a deep breath before he moves to open it. He’s opening his mouth to say hello when he takes in Alexander’s full appearance; His hair is messy, eyes wild behind his glasses, and he’s holding about three textbooks in his arms, various papers crammed into them.

“I’m so stressed,” Alexander tells him, pushing past Aaron and walking inside. “Like, holy fuck, I’ve got some much to do and not enough time and I need you to handle my funeral details if I end up dying.”

Aaron closes the door and forces out a laugh, trying to not feel too disappointed. Alexander actually came over to study, to do work. Aaron definitely misread the situation.

“I was studying with John earlier,” Alexander continues, dropping his books onto Aaron’s bed and turning to face him. “For like, hours. And I feel like I got nothing done. I mean, John wasn’t exactly helping, he’s an awful study partner. But you, you can help me out. You are the perfect study partner.”

Aaron feels his stomach twist at that. Great. He’s Alexander’s study partner. Laurens, on the other hand, is not. Which means that they must not have studied much, had done other things. Aaron pushes down the wave of jealousy that crashes over him, and tries to smile over at Alexander.

“Well then,” he says, resigning himself to this night not going as planned. “Let’s get to studying.”

They work for about an hour or so, spread out on the floor. Alexander is intently focused on his work, muttering to himself under his breath every now and then. Aaron, on the other hand, is far from focused on his work, choosing to glance over at Alexander instead of his work for most of the time.

The way he chews at his lip as he reads is very distracting, and he’s wearing his glasses, and Aaron hates the way he feels himself grow warm from just staring at Alexander. He hates all of this. He hates how he wants to reach out and touch Alexander, hates how he wants to kiss him again, hates how Alexander won’t even _look_ at him, hates that he was stupid enough to think that Alexander liked him.

Maybe he should just end this whole thing, let Alexander date Laurens, since he seems like a better option than Aaron.

“I’m dying,” Alexander states some time later, groaning as he lets his head rest on one of his books. “Why did I choose to come to college? Let’s just drop out and go on a road trip.”

Aaron snorts. “Honestly, I’d take you up on that in a heartbeat.” He pushes his textbook away and rolls onto his back, the ground hard beneath him. “A road trip sounds nice.”

“Well, I’d actually hate doing that. No way I’m dropping out. I've worked too hard for that.”

“Way to crush my dreams.”

Alexander smiles over at him, moving to sit up and cross his legs, stretching. Then his smile falls a little, and he tilts his head as he looks at Aaron. “Would you really drop out?”

Aaron laughs, no humor in the sound, and he moves his gaze to stare up at the ceiling. “Well, if I did, I would have to travel to another country to get away from my uncle’s anger. I don’t have the guts to do it, anyway. So…” he trails off there, not even wanting to think about this.

But of course Alexander doesn’t drop the topic.

“Don't you like your majors?”

“Sure.”

“Wow that was convincing.”

Aaron shrugs. He doesn’t feel like convincing Alexander. He doesn’t feel like talking about this at all. He looks over when he feels Alexander’s hand on his shoulder, turning to see that he’s moved closer, and is looking down at Aaron with concern, inspecting him closely.

“You hate your majors,” he states, not phrasing it like a question. He blinks a few times, like he can’t quite believe it. “Why don’t you switch?”

“I’m almost half-way done. I don’t want to.”

“Aaron-"

“It’s not like my uncle would let me, anyway,” Aaron continues, cutting Alexander off. “You think he’d pay my tuition if I changed majors? He hand picked them for me.” Aaron swallows, his jaw clenching. “He would never let me switch.”

Alexander stares at him, then scoots even closer, tugging at Aaron’s shirt when he tries to look away. “Hey.”

“Alexander, I don’t want to talk about this, I-"

“Too fucking bad.”

Aaron jerks away from Alexander and gets into a sitting position. “Just stop! Why do you always try to get in my business?” He sees Alexander’s jaw clench, determination settling across his features, which just makes Aaron angrier. “I don’t want to talk about it!”

“Why do you let your uncle control so much? Why do you let him have so much pull over you?”

“Because I do!” Aaron shouts. “Because that’s what I choose to do and I’m sorry if you don’t like it, I’m sorry if Sally thinks I’m stupid for believing that my uncle is trying to help me! I’m sorry that everyone things my decisions are stupid!”

“Aaron-"

“You don’t know everything about me!”

“I _know_ that! That’s why I’m asking!” Alexander takes a deep breath and stares hard at Aaron. “I’m trying to understand. But I need you to explain.” He exhales and tries to smile. "I need you to _explain_ , Aaron."

Aaron swallows thickly, some of the anger dissipating under Alexander’s soft gaze, like it always does. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I was a kid! I didn’t…I didn’t like school for a long time. I was bad at it. And I didn’t have my parents and I-“ Aaron cuts off, his breathing coming a little too fast for comfort.

“Okay,” Alexander murmurs, getting onto his knees so he can lean closer and put a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, you don’t-“

“My uncle helped me,” Aaron says, breath catching for a moment before he manages to inhale slowly through his nose. “He got me on track. He told me about my parents, about what they did, and I…I decided I wanted to do that, too. I wanted to be like them.”

Alexander nods, moving to sit beside Aaron, his hand shifting to his back, rubbing soothing circles against his skin. “Okay.”

Aaron pulls his knees up to his chest, sniffing. “I thought choosing the majors they did would…would help, would make me feel closer with my parents, but…” he laughs, wiping at his nose. “But I hate my majors. And I hate that I hate them. And I hate-” He cuts off before he can finish the sentence, not wanting to admit it out loud, and Alexander has the decency not to ask him to.

“And you really don’t think your uncle would let you change? If you told him all this?”

Aaron shrugs, ducking his head and resting his forehead against his knees. “I don’t want to talk to him about it,” he mutters. If he does, and his uncle says no, then Aaron will know that what Sally said was right, that his uncle only cares about the money. He can't deal with that right now. 

“Okay,” Alexander says, his hand staying on Aaron’s back, silent for a few moments before clearing his throat. “Can I…if you want to tell me, I mean, sorry, I’m so nosy, but…if you could choose, what major would…what would you want to do?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Alexander sighs, and Aaron feels a stab of guilt. He knows he’s being a jerk, knows that Alexander didn’t come over to listen to all his problems, that it must be annoying he’s making this all about himself when Alexander is the one stressing about work.

“I…” Aaron exhales shakily, lifting his head to wipe at his eyes, but he doesn’t look at Alexander. “It’s stupid.”

“Unless you’re going to tell me you want to be a professional clown, I highly doubt what you want to do is stupid. Even then, I’d still support you. I would just pretend to not know you. Clowns freak me out. I'd support you from a distance.”

Aaron snorts. “I don’t want to be a clown, Alexander.”

“Good. Then tell me.”

Aaron takes a deep breath, peeking over at Alexander for a moment to see him smiling encouragingly at him. “I…just because I had a hard time deciding what path to take for a while, I just…maybe a school counselor…because…because if I had someone, a good counselor growing up, then maybe I would have had an easier time in school, or…or made a better choice about college majors.”

Alexander stares at him, not saying anything, and Aaron wants to curl up and disappear, knowing that it’s a stupid career. It definitely doesn’t pay well, and it’s not as impressive as going into law. He’s so stupid he shouldn’t have-

“That’s perfect for you,” Alexander declares, and Aaron looks back over to see Alexander nodding vigorously. “Yeah! You would make an awesome school counselor. Well, I don’t know how you are with kids, but you give the best goddamn advice. And hey!” He stares at Aaron in excitement. “You could do the puzzle thing with kids who are stressing out! Like, they could just come to your office and do a puzzle with you! Aaron, you’ve got to do that! Kids would love you.”

Aaron stares at him, hiccuping slightly as his heart pounds in his chest. He’s never told anyone that before, ever. Not even Sally. He’s never admitted it out of fear that it would sound stupid. But as always, Alexander surprises him. “You…” Aaron trails off, feeling too stunned to speak, but Alexander reaches out to take his hand.

“Aaron, you could do anything, but that sounds…like, I could totally see you doing that! That's perfect.”

Aaron’s throat tightens at the sincerity in Alexander’s voice, and he feels something inside him break open when Alexander smiles at him, and then he’s surging forward, pulling Alexander into a hug and burying his face against his neck.

He can’t believe how easily Alexander accepted that, how easily he’s always accepting Aaron. He’s always saying what Aaron needs to hear when he doesn’t even _know_ what he needs. It makes him crazy, makes him want to…

Aaron pulls away slightly, meeting Alexander’s eyes, which are full of so much emotion that Aaron’s heart stutters in his chest.

“You okay?” Alexander asks softly, and Aaron nods, hands shaking a little. “Sorry for making you spill all that. Told you I'm too nosy for my own good.”

Aaron shakes his head, lips twitching into a smile. He feels warm, and Alexander is so close to him, holding him, and Aaron can feel himself leaning in closer, seeking the comfort that Alexander always gives. “Alexander,” Aaron starts, his voice cracking. “I...” He doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it. He feels like he’s vibrating out of his skin. He feels...

He _feels_.

“You what?” Alexander murmurs, eyes soft as they roam over Aaron’s face, flicking briefly down to his mouth and making Aaron’s breath catch in his throat. “Aaron?” His voice sounds almost hopeful, and Aaron feels a thrill spark to life in his chest.

“Alexander,” Aaron says again, his voice barely above a whisper, and then he’s leaning in, closing the distance between them and kissing Alexander on the lips.

And Alexander gasps at the contact, lips parting, and Aaron kisses him even harder, needing him. He brings his hands up to cup Alexander’s face, holding him close. One of them angles their head, deepening the kiss, and Aaron hums against Alexander’s mouth, sliding one of his hands to the back of Alexander’s neck.

Then Alexander is parting his lips again, breathing heavily, and Aaron swipes his tongue over Alexander’s lower lip, unable to resist, wanting to feel, to taste. And Alexander makes a breathy sound in his throat, spurring Aaron to repeat the motion, and then Aaron is licking into Alexander’s mouth, shuddering when their tongues meet and feeling his skin heat up when Alexander moans softly.

And Aaron keeps kissing him, keeps coaxing his mouth open, keeps pulling those sounds from Alexander’s lips. It’s only when Alexander’s hand comes to rest on Aaron’s thigh, shaking, that Aaron realizes what they’re doing.

He moves away, their mouths making a soft smacking noise as they pull apart. They stare at each other, and Aaron is overwhelmed by a desire to kiss Alexander again when he takes in his flushed face and wet lips. But he drops his hands to Alexander’s shoulders instead, and pulls away a little more.

“Fuck, Alexander,” he stutters. “I didn’t…that wasn’t, I’m sorry-"

“Shut up,” Alexander tells him, and then he’s moving back in, kissing Aaron roughly as his hands move to Aaron’s chest, fingers tangling in the front of his shirt. “Keep kissing me, you idiot,” he pants against Aaron’s lips. “Don’t stop, please, just keep kissing me. You have no idea…you…I mean, only if you want, but I-“

“Shut up,” Aaron whispers, moving his hands to Alexander’s back and connecting their mouths again in a frantic kiss.

He doesn’t know who moves first, but somehow Aaron ends up on his back, Alexander on top of him as they keep kissing. Aaron feels Alexander’s glasses slip against his own face, and they break apart quickly to remove them and set them aside before diving right back in.

Aaron sucks in a sharp breath when Alexander bites at his lip, face heating up when he registers that he’s getting hard, his hips jerking up to rub against Alexander’s thigh without him meaning to, but Alexander makes an encouraging sound in the back of his throat, his own hips moving down to meet Aaron’s.

Aaron slides his hands up Alexander’s back, wanting to feel more of him, to touch every part he can reach, but his head is spinning from the way Alexander is kissing him, and he can’t do anything except kiss him right back. He moans into Alexander’s mouth when his hands move to Aaron’s face, fingers cool against his skin, and Alexander echoes the sound right back, his weight settling a little more fully against Aaron.

And Aaron feels completely surrounded by Alexander, feels him pressed against every part of him, feels his heart swelling with something that scares him and fills him with so much emotion at the same time. He can’t remember any other time he’s felt like this, has felt like someone understands him so well, has felt like he’s being _seen_.

Alexander’s thumbs brush over his cheeks, spreading something wet across his skin, and that’s when Aaron realizes that he’s crying.

“Aaron,” Alexander whispers, pulling away, but Aaron shakes his head, keeping his eyes closed.

“It’s good,” he promises, needing Alexander to understand. “It’s good, I’m good. I’m-“ He tries to breathe in, but it gets stuck in his throat, and more tears spill from his eyes. He feels Alexander kiss him softly, lips brushing against his own, and then against his cheek, and then Alexander is moving off of him to lay beside him, arms pulling Aaron against his chest.

And Aaron grips him tightly, probably too tightly, but he needs this. He didn’t realize how touch-starved he was until this moment, didn’t realize how much he needed Alexander to be the one to touch him, didn't realize how much he likes Alexander. He likes him, he likes him so much it hurts.

“Alexander,” he starts, taking a shaky breath. “Thank you.”

“For making you cry?”

Aaron chuckles, the sound wet through his tears. He shakes his head, not moving away from the warmth of Alexander’s neck. “Told you, it was good. I’m good. I’m…” He struggles to get the words out. “I needed this, needed…needed you, I…” He pauses again, trying to find the words, but then Alexander hushes him. “No, I need to tell you. I need-"

“Tell me in the morning,” Alexander says. “Tell me when you’ve calmed down.”

“But-"

“Aaron.” Alexander’s voice is firm, and his hands trails up and down his back, soothing him. “It’s already killing me having to wait till morning. Like, you have no _idea_ how much it's killing me to wait." He pauses to laugh, the noise vibrating against Aaron's ear. "But I think we need to. We need to both sleep, and be clear headed before we have this conversation.”

Aaron exhales, nuzzling against Alexander’s shoulder. “What happened to you being the spontaneous and reckless one?”

Alexander chuckles. “Don’t want to be reckless right now,” he murmurs. “Not with this…not with you.”

Aaron’s stomach flutters at that, and he presses even closer to Alexander, which for some reason makes Alexander chuckle again. “What?”

“Do you want to move to the bed?”

But Aaron shakes his head. Moving to the bed means letting go of Alexander, something he definitely does not want to do right now. He makes a displeased noise when Alexander moves away for a second, but then a blanket is being draped over them both, and Aaron hums out his thanks.

“Sleep,” Alexander whispers. “I’ll be here in the morning.”

“But you…you know what I...in the morning, you know what I want to say? What I-"

“Yes.”

“And you…do you, I mean, do you feel the same w-"

“Yes.”

That one word calms Aaron down so quickly that he actually feels his nerves slip away from every part of his body, leaving him relaxed, wanting to melt even further against Alexander. He pushes himself up for a moment, needing to kiss Alexander one more time.

And he does, lips moving against Alexander’s so perfectly that it makes Aaron want to do it forever. Kissing Alexander is warm and soft and _everything_ , becoming even better when he feels Alexander smiling against his mouth.

“Aaron,” he murmurs. “You keep doing that, and I will not be able to sleep, and will be a very cranky person in the morning.”

Aaron laughs at that, stealing one last kiss before pulling away, cuddling up against Alexander and breathing him in, letting his eyes slip shut. And Alexander holds him, fingers tracing small patterns on his back.

And Aaron falls asleep feeling more wanted than he has in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws confetti in the air* THEY DID IT Y'ALL. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation. So leave them here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies. :D


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update!
> 
> Enjoy x

The first few seconds after Alex blinks himself awake are disorientating, to say the least. He’s not exactly sure where he is, or how he got there.

The first thing he registers is that he’s on the ground, which is definitely weird, not to mention uncomfortable. The second thing is that there is something heavy and warm pressed against his chest that feels like a person, which is even weirder. The third thing is, well, that he’s hard. And that, embarrassingly so, is what makes him remember last night.

He remembers Aaron kissing him, remembers Aaron underneath him, remembers lips and hands and hips touching and _holy shit_ they had made out. Like, they really, really made out. Tongue and everything. They would have continued to make out if…

Alex peers down at Aaron as that thought trails off to see him still snug against him, face pressed against Alex’s shoulder, his brow creased. Right. Aaron had gotten worked up, had told Alex about what he really wanted to do with his life, and about how he felt like he couldn’t.

Alex shifts slightly, smiling when Aaron mumbles in his sleep. He reaches out to trail his fingers gently over Aaron’s cheek, remembering how his expression had changed when Alex told him he could see him as a counselor and helping kids…he’s never seen Aaron look like that before. So open and...and happy, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

And then somehow they had started kissing, Alex swept up in the sensation of it to even think about what it meant. Then he had felt Aaron’s tears, hadn’t understood at first what Aaron meant when he said it was good, that he was good. And Aaron had started to say something, about needing to tell Alex something important.

Alex had been so scared to let himself hope for this moment, but Aaron had kissed him again, so softly, and it was that second kiss before they fell asleep that made Alex know for sure that Aaron likes him. That he really _likes_ him. That he wants to be with Alex.

Minutes continue to pass by, and Alex is more than content to just stare at Aaron, still tracing his fingers across his cheekbone, a small part of him hoping that will wake Aaron up so that they can finally talk, can finally agree that they’re something more than friends. He’s been waiting so long, he-

Alex jumps when an alarm starts to go off, and it takes him all of three seconds to realize that it’s his, to realize that it’s his alarm telling him that he has class in half an hour.

“Fuck!” Alex shouts, sitting up and accidently hitting Aaron in the face, who yelps in surprise and stares at Alex with startled eyes. “Shit, sorry! I didn’t mean to do that. I mean, obviously. Sorry.” He scrambles over to his backpack, taking out his phone and shutting the alarm off. “I forgot I have class.”

“Right now?” Aaron asks, his voice still hoarse with sleep.

“In like half an hour,” Alex responds, turning back to see Aaron sitting up and blinking at him with a sleepy expression that makes Alex’s chest feel warm. Who the fuck has the right to look so good when they just woke up? “We’ll talk after though, yeah? That…you still want to talk, right?”

Aaron sits up a little straighter at the question. “Yes, I…yes. You really don’t have time now? It’s still half an hour.” His tone is hesitant, borderline worried, and Alex wishes he could stay, but he shakes his head.

“I left stuff in my dorm room that I need. I wasn’t planning on staying the night. And I really can’t miss class.”

Aaron nods, looking a little put out, but then his lips quirk up into a small smile. “Later, then.”

Alex nods, standing up as he crams some of his journals and folders into his backpack. “Yes, later. Like, _soon_ later though, I promise. Maybe we can get lunch? Just us? We can talk then?” He smiles when Aaron gives a nod of assent, running a hand through his hair as he looks around the room to make sure he isn’t forgetting anything. “Good. Okay. I’ll see you later.”

He’s got the door open when Aaron calls his name, so he turns back to see Aaron grabbing his glasses off the floor, getting up to hand them to him. But Aaron stops suddenly, hesitating. Then he smiles at Alex again as he continues to move forward, placing the glasses on Alex’s face himself, fingers tickling the area behind Alex’s ears as they move away.

“There,” Aaron murmurs, looking pleased with himself, probably because Alex is blushing. He can feel it spreading across his face. “Have a good class.”

“Yeah,” Alex croaks out. Then he gives himself a small shake. “I mean, thanks. You, too. I’ll…right, later. I’ll see you later.”

“Yes, that has been established,” Aaron tells him fondly.

Alex laughs, giving Aaron another smile before turning to walk out. But something stops him, and he turns again, taking a deep breath as Aaron gives him a questioning glance from where he’s leaning against the doorframe.

“Just…just don’t change your mind, okay?” He says softly. Then he presses his lips together, nerves fluttering in his stomach and he breathes in through his nose. “Not until we talk.”

Aaron stares at him for a long beat, not saying anything, but then he leans in slowly, kissing Alex on the lips and making his breath catch. “I won’t change my mind,” Aaron murmurs against his mouth, kissing him one more time before pulling away. “Even though you slapped me in the face.”

Alex scoffs. “Accidentally.” He grins when Aaron hums, tempted to kiss him again but knowing he already has to sprint to his dorm to grab his work and kissing Aaron will just distract him. So he bites at his lip and tears his eyes away from Aaron’s, giving him one last smile before finally closing the door between them.

He smiles the whole way to his dorm.  
-

His first class drags by, and Alex can’t stop himself from looking over at the clock every few minutes. He just wants it to be over. Wants to go have lunch with Aaron and have that talk.

He’d been too frantic when they first woke up, too focused on getting to his dorm and then back to class to really think about it fully. But holy shit him and Aaron are totally going to have the boyfriend talk. They're gonna get together. They're gonna _date._

Alex feels like he’s going to explode from happiness.

He’s basically waited an eternity for this moment, honestly never really thought it would happen. He thought Aaron either didn’t see him like that, or was too caught up in everything he’s dealing with to even think about it. But over the past week or so, things changed, and then last night…

_Last night._

Alex really enjoyed last night. He wants an immediate repeat of last night. Well, minus the emotionally draining conversation beforehand and then the tears after. But the between part of all that that, the kissing…well…Alex was _definitely_ a fan of that.

He lets his mind replay that part of the night for the rest of class, only noticing that it’s over when everyone else starts clambering out of their seats. And Alex jumps up quickly, shoving his stuff into his backpack and then practically jogging out of the door.

He barely makes it ten feet after that before his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out, a smile spreading across his face seconds later. It’s a text from Aaron, telling him that he’s already grabbed a table for lunch.

Alex walks even faster, never wishing for teleportation to be a thing more than right now. But he makes it to the dining hall about five minutes later, his stomach fluttering in excitement instead of nerves for once as he quickly grabs some food before looking around.

He spots Aaron a few tables down and bounds over to him. “Hey,” he says breathlessly, bouncing on his heels and feeling warm and fuzzy when Aaron smiles up at him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Alex gives himself a little shake. “Or…yeah. Sorry. I said that already.”

Aaron laughs. “That’s fine. Are…do you want to sit down?”

“Right.” Alex takes a seat, letting his backpack thunk to the floor as he sets his food down. Then he stares across the table at Aaron, his heart leaping in his chest. Why does Aaron have to look like that? “So,” he starts slowly, not knowing how to start this.

“So,” Aaron echoes, lips twitching up into a smile. But then he doesn’t continue, and Alex pouts.

“Are you trying to torture me on purpose?”

“Maybe. It’s fun.”

Alex scoffs and is about to respond when someone suddenly smacks him on the back of his head. He turns, scowling when he sees Jefferson smirking down at him, someone else standing beside him that Alex doesn’t know, but assumes is his boyfriend. “What the hell?”

Jefferson shrugs, already looking away from Alex. “Mind if we join?”

“Yes,” Alex bites out at the same time Aaron says no. He continues to scowl as Jefferson and his boyfriend sit down at the table with their food, acting like they aren’t interrupting the most important moment of his _life_.

Aaron throws him an apologetic look, and Alex gives a small nod combined with a shurg, trying to show he doesn’t mind even though he kind of does. He really wants to talk to Aaron. Like, a lot. He’s considering pulling Aaron away and talking outside but then Theodosia and Eliza are coming over as well, and Alex bites back a groan.

“Hey!” Eliza says, sitting beside Alex. “We saw you guys earlier, but you looked all ‘we’re on a cute lunch date’ and we didn’t want to bother you, but then James and Thomas sat down, so, here we are!”

Alex laughs, or he hopes it comes out as a laugh, but based on the amused look Aaron throws his way, it probably came out rather pained. But no one else seems to notice, and soon they’re all chatting and Theodosia is sliding a piece of paper into the middle of the table as they eat.

“It’s our copy of Maria’s drawing,” she says. “And like, damn, talk about talent. That girl has skills.”

Alex leans to get a better look, taking in the image of Theodosia sitting on a couch with Eliza’s head in her lap, both of them laughing and staring at each other in clear adoration.

“Adorable,” Jefferson says, giving it an approving nod. “James and I sat for one, too, but I was apparently too fidgety, and James kept sneezing, so Maria kicked us out.” He glares when Alex snorts, turning to Aaron. “Did y’all get one?”

Aaron nods, glancing at Alex and sharing a quick smile with him. “We did,” he murmurs. “Maria said she’d have copies for us soon.”

“She did?” Alex asks, not knowing this.

“I…I asked her for two, figured you’d want one, too.”

Alex beams at that, loving how flustered Aaron looks at admitting that. But then the moment is broken when his phone alarm goes off again, alerting him that he has ten minutes before his next class starts.

Fuck.

“I gotta get to class,” Alex says, standing up and grabbing his backpack.

“Alexander.” Aaron stands, too. “Wait.”

“I’ll come by your room after,” Alex tells him, fighting back a smile when Aaron nods quickly, looking eager. “Okay. I’ll see you guys later.” He considers leaning across the table to kiss Aaron, but decides against it, not wanting to hear what all their friends would say. Plus he totally chickens out.

His second class of the day pretty much goes the same as the first. It’s long, slow, incredibly boring. Alex knows that midterms are just around the corner and that he should be paying attention. But all he can think about is Aaron and his stupid face and his stupid smile. All he can think about is-

“That’s it for today, everyone,” his professor is suddenly saying, and Alex jerks his head up and glances at the clock, which is showing they still have twenty minutes left. “I know, it’s early, but I figured I should give you all as much time as you need for that paper due Friday.” He smiles at them all, but Alex feels his stomach drop.

He raises a hand, trying not to freak out just yet. “You…it’s due _next_ Friday, right?”

There are a few laughs at his question, and some of his classmates throw him sympathetic glances that make Alex’s blood run cold. Shit.

“Mr. Hamilton,” his professor says slowly, eyebrows raised, “the due date is this coming Friday. It’s in the syllabus. I suggest you take the extra time I’m giving you to catch up.” He glances around the room. “As you all should. Remember, it’s thirty percent of your final grade.”

_Shit._

Alex walks back to his dorm, and he feels completely numb. He can’t feel his legs, his hands, his face. It’s like he’s floating. But not a fun floating. He knows he’s going to crash at any moment. His heart is beating so fast.

He can’t believe he wrote the due date down wrong. How could he have been so stupid? If his professor hadn’t said anything, Alex would have been screwed. Would have gotten a zero, not having a good excuse except forgetting. A _zero_. He can feel his hands shaking just from the thought of it.

If he got a zero, his grade would plummet. This paper is thirty percent of his grade, for fucks sake. Even if he did perfectly on everything else, he’d get a C in the class. He can’t afford, literally, for that to happen. He can't get less than a 3.5 GPA.

He can’t lose his scholarship.

Once he gets back to his room, Alex kicks Bellamy out, figuring that he must look really freaked out for Bellamy to agree to leave so easily. Then he’s pulling out his laptop, opening up a word document and grabbing his notes and textbook, throwing it all on his desk and preparing for what is probably going to be the worst couple of hours of his life.

Time is always a weird blur when he works like this. It moves quickly, in a way, but then it also feels like it doesn’t even exist. Sometimes writing one sentence takes an hour, but other time Alex will get whole paragraphs down in a matter of minutes. Although this paper seems to be more of the one sentence per hour kind of paper. But Alex keeps going, keeps writing, not letting himself think about anything else. He doesn't think he could think about anything else, anyway. His mind is completely zoned in on this paper. He has to finish it.

Alex barely even hears the knock on his door some hours later, just continues typing away on his laptop. When he gets like this, everything else gets blocked out. He gets tunnel vision, not able to think about anything but his work. He likes it, though, it allows him to work his best.

It’s only when the knocking continues that he looks up, scowling at the noise. Who could be bothering him right now? He’s not sure how late it is, but he knows it’s late-ish, based on how dark it is outside now.

He’s about to go back to his paper when there’s more knocking, the sound louder this time, more insistent. Alex groans as he stands up, anger brimming under his skin as he stomps over to the door, pulling it open in a jerky motion. “What?” He snaps out immediately, not even waiting to see who it is.

And Aaron just stares back at him for a moment, looking surprised before responding in a hesitant tone, shifting on his feet. “Bad time?”

Alex takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. It doesn’t work. “Sort of,” he admits through clenched teeth. “Paper. Big one. I thought it was due next Friday, but it’s this Friday, meaning I have less than two days to write a ten page paper.”

“Ouch,” Aaron says, having the decency to cringe in sympathy. But then he continues to stand there, rocking back on his heels, and Alex just stares, his patience wavering. He needs to get back to work. “Uh, well, do you…do you have time at all to talk? I tried calling, but your phone was off. I just-“ He cuts off when Alex starts shaking his head. “Oh.”

“I really need to get this done,” Alex says, taking a step back and running a hand through his hair. Why would Aaron think he has time to talk? He can barely even write, let alone function. He has work to do. He barely registers the fact that Aaron follows him in and shuts the door. “I know I can get a good rough draft done if I stay up all night.” He moves back over to his desk. “Then I can edit tomorrow and make it a pretty good paper, maybe pull out an A.” He’s talking to himself, but Aaron still responds.

“Sure, sure,” Aaron says from behind him, his voice sounding strange, but Alex ignores it and sits down, eyes back on the words on his screen, giving his paper his full attention.

At some point he finds himself with three documents open, one for quotes he’s thinking of using, one for parts he’s taken out of his paper that he might want to put back in, and then one for his actual paper, which is stubbornly staying at around six pages despite how much Alex feels like he’s writing.

What if he doesn’t finish? Or what if he does finish and it sucks? What if it’s so bad that his professor just laughs at him and gives him and F? What if he gets kicked out for how bad it is?

Feeling antsy, Alex stands up, remembering that he has a bottle of water in his backpack, which is good since he feels slightly dehydrated and shaky. He turns around, starting to walk over to it, when he spots Aaron sitting on his bed.

“Oh,” Alex says, his voice coming out like a croak. He clears his throat. “I forgot you were here.” Why did he come over again?

Aaron looks down at his hands. “That’s always great to hear.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “You know what I meant.” He bends down to grab the water bottle, taking a long drink. “You can head out, you know. I’m gonna be working all night. No need for you to keep me company.” He can also feel an impending, full-blown freak out, and would prefer no witnesses.

“Oh.” Aaron’s face twists at that for some reason. “Right. Okay. I’ll leave.” He moves to stand up, and Alex sees his shoulders rise and fall before he’s looking up at him. “I…” He pauses. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”

Alex shrugs, taking another drink from the water bottle, his mind still throwing ideas around for his paper. “Maybe? I really need to finish this. Weekend might be better, if I’m not completely sleep deprived by then.” He shrugs when Aaron frowns, annoyed that Aaron doesn’t get it. “What? Sorry I can’t be on call 24/7.”

“I’m not…that’s not…that’s _fine_ , Alexander. I just-“ Aaron breaks off there, his jaw clenching. He sits back down on his bed with a weirdly determined expression. “I’ll stay, if that’s okay. I’m…I’ll just read or something. I’ll wait for you to finish.”

Alex narrows his eyes, not understanding why Aaron wants to stay so badly. But he just takes another drink of his water and moves back to his desk, sitting down with a heavy sigh as he looks at his paper, trying to ignore the growing pressure behind his eyes. He can do this. He _has_ to do this.

More time slips by, moving in fast bursts and sometimes crawling by, but somehow Alex manages to get to eight and a half pages, which he thinks of as a huge success. If he can manage one last push of energy, he can totally get to ten pages by tonight and then edit all day tomorrow. Or is it already tomorrow? He has no clue how long he’s been working.

“Alexander?” A voice asks from behind him, and Alex hums out a noise, moving his cursor to fix a typo he just spotted in the middle of a paragraph. “Why don’t you take a break for a few minutes?” The voice continues. “You’ve been working for hours.”

“No thanks,” Alex mumbles, trying to decide if he should keep the comma he put in the middle of one of his sentences. He thinks it works. He’ll keep it. He moves to the next sentence, thinking that it definitely needs something more. He glances at his quotes paper, letting his eyes read over some of them.

“I can take you to go get some coffee.”

Alex breathes out slowly through his nose, letting his eyes shut for a moment. Then he turns in his seat, opening his eyes to see Aaron still sitting there on his bed. He blinks at him a few times, half-wishing Aaron would just disappear. He can’t afford to get distracted. “Aaron, just go home. I’m fine.” He turns back around before Aaron can respond, going back to where he left off in the paper and now trying to think of a good topic sentence for the next paragraph.

But suddenly a hand is blocking the screen, and Alex jerks back in surprise to see Aaron standing beside him.

“Take a break, Alexander. Just a small one. I’ll take you to get coffee, we can talk, and then I’ll leave you alone, I promise.”

“No.” Alex shoves at his hand.

“But-"

“Aaron,” Alex says firmly, starting to type again, an idea popping into his head that he needs to get down before he forgets it. “Please just let me finish this. I’m so close.”

Aaron sighs. “I really need to talk to you.” He reaches out and places his hand on the top of Alex’s laptop, like he’s about to close it, but Alex knocks his hand away again. “Alexander, come on, I-"

“Stop.” Alex tells him, starting to type quickly, but then Aaron makes an impatient noise and grabs at his laptop again, his hand getting in the way of the screen. “Aaron, what the hell?”

“Just give me five minutes.”

“I don’t have five minutes!” Alex tries to knock Aaron’s hand away for a third time, but it’s gripping his laptop too tightly. “Let go. I’m not kidding around, let _go_.”

“No.”

Alex scowls and grabs the bottom of his laptop with both hands, tugging, but Aaron still doesn’t release it. So Alex tugs harder. When that doesn’t work, he starts to relax his grip, intending to stand up and face Aaron, but at that moment, Aaron tugs back, and the laptop slips from Alex’s hands, Aaron using so much force that it falls off the desk and clatters to the ground with a noise that makes Alex's stomach lurch.

They both watch in silence as the screen flickers before going dark.

No. No, no, no, no, _no_.

Alex doesn’t realize he’s saying that out loud until his voice is rising in pitch, and then he’s practically yelling. “No, no, no! Oh my god.” He can’t breathe. He can’t _breathe_. This is not happening. It’s a dream. It's not real.

“Alexander, I didn’t-"

“Shut up!” Alex hisses, slipping down to the ground and picking his laptop up, pressing the power button frantically and wanting to scream when nothing happens. “Fuck. Oh my god. Why did you do that? Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.” He puts a hand over his eyes, trying to keep it together, but he can feel himself trembling. “Fuck!”

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron says, and Alex finally looks up at him. “Alexander,” Aaron pleads, his face lined with guilt. “I didn’t mean to do that. I’m so sorry. I’m-"

“Why didn’t you just listen to me?” Alex demands as he straightens up, his heart pounding in his chest. “Did I not make it clear that this paper is important? That I need to finish it? Why don’t you ever fucking _listen_?”

Aaron stares wordlessly as Alex starts to throw some of his things into his backpack, cradling his laptop before putting that in as well, zipping his backpack up with a jerk. He can feel his hands shaking, and his throat is tight, eyes threatening to let tears escape. He can't believe that this happened. It's all ruined.

“Alexander,” Aaron tries again, but he snaps his mouth shut when Alex whirls around to face him.

“I’m so sick of this!” He shouts, not caring that Aaron flinches at the sound. He can't care about anything except the fact that his paper is gone. “I _always_ listen to you, I work so hard to cheer you up when you’re moping! Then I ask you for one fucking thing, to just let me _work_ , and you can’t do that! You made it about yourself, like you always do!” Alex grabs at his hair, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. What is he going to do?

“I can tell your professor what happened,” Aaron continues, stepping forward. “I’ll say it was my fault, get you an extension. I’ll help you re-write it!”

Alex laughs at that, the noise burning in his throat. “I don’t need your help,” Alex tells him with a sneer, swallowing tightly. “I’m capable of doing this myself, despite not being a fucking prodigy, okay? I’m not an idiot.”

Aaron blinks at him, and Alex glares right back, unable to think of a time when he was this upset. “I’m sorry,” Aaron says slowly, his hands clenching at his sides. “I just….wanted to talk to you.”

“I’m not your therapist,” Alex says. “I can’t just talk whenever _you_ want to!”

“I know that,” Aaron snaps, eyes flashing. “Sorry for thinking that us talking was important!”

“This _paper_ is important!” Alex snaps right back, hating that Aaron doesn’t understand that. “I could get a zero, don’t you fucking understand that? Don’t you get what that means?”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, just stands there, and that makes Alex laugh, the noise sharp.

“Of course you don’t,” he continues. “You don’t get what it feels like to have that kind of pressure hanging over you.”

Aaron frowns at him. “What the hell does that mean? I know what it’s like to feel pressure about grades.”

“No, you don’t! Not really! Sure, you’re uncle will make you feel shitty about it, but that’s it. Me, if I get a bad grade, even just one, well, I can say goodbye to my scholarship!” Alex feels his chest tighten at the words. “I can’t let that happen.” It’s going to happen. His laptop is broken, he didn’t have a flash drive, he lost the whole paper, he-

“Okay, Alexander, I get it, I-"

“No you don’t!” Alex shouts, throwing his hands up in the air. “No you fucking don’t! You’re rich, you could go to school for the rest of your life if you wanted to!”

“Stop _yelling_ at me, I-"

“I didn’t invite you over! You came on your own, uninvited, but I didn’t fucking _want_ you here, Aaron. Sorry I can’t deal with your issues right now, sorry that I’m stressed the fuck out and just wanted to work! Sorry that for once _I_ was making _you_ wait! Sorry that you messed everything up for me! God, why do you always _do_ this?”

Alex’s chest heaves after that, and his hands are curled into fists at his sides. He feels like he’s having an out of body experience. His head is spinning, and all he can think about is the fact that he has to start his paper all over. That he just lost all that time he spent on it. He’ll never be able to finish, he’ll fail, he’ll-

“Alexander.” Aaron’s voice cracks, and his hand rests on his shoulder, but Alex shrugs it off, blinking his eyes rapidly and turning away from him. “Please, just-“

“Go away.” Alex grumbles, grabbing his phone and wallet from his desk. “I need to go to the library and use their shitty computers and re-write everything I just did!” He slings his backpack over his shoulder and storms past Aaron, who is staring with wide eyes as Alex wrenches open the door. “Don’t even think about following me,” he says over his shoulder.

Then he slams the door, not looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops
> 
> y'all know the drill
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr if ya want @ fanciful-follies


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that's right, double update time.
> 
> It's kind of a filler chapter, but, sometimes ya just need those.
> 
> Enjoy x

Aaron stares at the door after it slams shut, the noise still echoing in his ears even though he’s sure more than five minutes have already gone by. He can still feel Alexander’s laptop slipping through his fingers, can still see Alexander’s face as he yelled. The anger, and how scared he looked.

And it’s all his fault.

Aaron didn’t mean for any of this to happen. He just wanted to talk, to finally tell Alexander that he wants to be with him. He’d been so happy that morning, so ready. But then Alexander hadn’t stopped by after his class, and Aaron had called and called, but Alexander never answered.

He tried to ignore it, tried to convince himself that Alexander was just busy. But then he started worrying, thinking that Alexander must be re-thinking everything, that maybe he doesn’t want to date Aaron for real. So Aaron had done what he thought was best. He went to go see Alexander.

When he found Alexander stressed and working on the paper, Aaron had been relieved at first, had felt okay knowing that Alexander had just forgotten and not changed his mind. And Aaron tried to give him space to work, but then Alexander worked for hours upon hours, not even _looking_ at Aaron. And it started to grate on Aaron’s nerves.

It had made him anxious.

Aaron knows it’s irrational, that it’s something he needs to work through at some point, but when people ignore him, he starts to second-guess everything. It’s been worse since Sally left, but he dealt with it as a child, too.

He used to crave attention, wanted it so much since his uncle didn’t give it to him. There was a hole that was never filled after his parents died. That’s why he depended on Sally for so much growing up. She was there. She picked him up when he was down, told him he was doing a good job, would play with him whenever he asked, which was all the time. She was patient with him, never telling him to go away or leave her alone.

It was always Sally who was there for him, and then later Bellamy, who barely left Aaron's side after they met. Aaron never had any other friends, not until college. And now Sally is gone, impossible to contact, and sometimes Aaron feels more on edge with every passing day, feeling so insecure about everything he does. So when Alexander ignored him, Aaron snapped.

And now he’s alone.

Aaron isn’t sure how long he sits there, but eventually light starts to seep through the curtains covering the window. He’s debating finally getting up and leaving when the sound of a key sliding into the lock reaches him, and he straightens up, heart stopping for a moment as the door opens.

Then Bellamy walks in.

“Hey,” Bellamy says, giving Aaron a wide smile after he closes the door. “Alex said you might still be here.”

“You talked to Alexander?” Aaron asks, his voice hoarse. He picks at his pants as Bellamy drops his stuff onto his bed, skin tingling. “When?”

Bellamy shrugs. “He texted me like an hour ago? Saying he would be working in the library all night and most of today, so I was free to come back to the room. Said you’d be here, too, if I wanted to hang with you.” Bellamy grins. “Which I always do.”

Aaron tries to return the smile, but he knows his lips don’t move. He just stares down at his lap and chews at the inside of his cheek, hoping that will distract him. It doesn’t.

“Aaron?” Bellamy’s voice is gentle, and Aaron hears his quiet footsteps approaching, and then the mattress is dipping beside him. “Hey…what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Bellamy grabs his hand, which had started to tug at his jeans. “Aaron.” He squeezes his hand when Aaron shakes his head. “What happened? Something with you and Alex?”

Aaron just shakes his head again, heart starting to beat rapidly in his chest. “I-I can’t.” He bites hard at his cheek as he takes in a shaky breath. He doesn’t know what to say. “You’ll hate me,” he murmurs, but he squeezes Bellamy’s hand back, seeking comfort.

Bellamy’s other hand comes up to his face, moving him so they’re looking at each other. “Aaron Burr, I would never hate you. Like, there’s nothing you could do that would make that happen. You could commit a crime and I’d still proudly say you’re my best friend and visit you every day in prison.”

Aaron chuckles at that, giving a small nod as Bellamy’s hand drops. Then Aaron fidgets, his chest growing tight. “I still think you’ll be mad at me.”

“Only one way to find out,” Bellamy tells him, still smiling even though his eyes are starting to show some concern. “Aaron, tell me what happened. Please.”

“I got into a fight with Alexander,” he says in a rush before he can decide against it. “I…I wanted to talk, but he was busy, stressing about a paper and I…” Aaron licks his lips, the scene replaying in his head. “I grabbed his laptop, and I didn’t mean to, but I…it fell and…” He trails off, shaking his head again. “And I messed everything up.”

“It was just a fight,” Bellamy says, squeezing his hand again when Aaron chokes out a laugh. “Really. Alex will forgive you. I mean, the laptop thing is pretty bad, I’ll admit. But he’ll calm down and know you didn’t do it on purpose. You guys will be okay. He won’t break up with you because of something like that. He'll get over it.”

Aaron flinches at those words, laughing weakly again and turning away from Bellamy, wanting to disappear. “That’s…well, that’s the other thing.”

“What?”

“We weren’t really dating.”

Silence follows his admission, and Aaron keeps his gaze down, unable to meet Bellamy’s eyes. He knows he shouldn’t have lied, that he should have told his best friend, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t want to explain or have to think about how stupid of a plan it was. And now Bellamy is mad at him, too, which Aaron knows he deserves.

Bellamy clears his throat after a few more seconds. “What exactly do you mean?”

Aaron pulls his hand out of Bellamy’s, feeling it starting to shake. He rubs at his face and tries to take in a calming breath. “I mean that we weren’t dating. It wasn’t real. We…the date with Theodosia and Eliza was this huge misunderstanding and then we…somehow it just happened and then my uncle, he saw and…and he was okay with it, he even…he said I could use money to pay for dates and so I…” Aaron takes another deep breath. “I made Alexander pretend to be my boyfriend for money.” Saying it all out loud makes him feel even worse.

Another beat of silence. “Well shit,” Bellamy exclaims, and Aaron finally peers over to see his friend staring off in the distance. “That is…okay. Okay, just gimme a sec.”

Aaron watches as he processes the information, his brows furrowing as he thinks. Then Bellamy is standing up and starts to pace back and forth, swinging his arms and muttering occasionally. Aaron would find it funny if he wasn’t so nervous.

“Bell?”

“I’m just…” Bellamy slows down a little, turning to look at Aaron. “But you two looked so…well, you were very convincing.”

Aaron nods, his chest tightening. “It...we kind of…” He trails off and shrugs, not knowing how to explain, but Bellamy stops his pacing and stares at Aaron, pointing a finger in his direction.

“Keep going,” he demands.

“Bellamy, I-“

“I’m not angry,” Bellamy tells him firmly, making some of the tension building inside Aaron relax just a bit. “But I want the details. I want to know everything.” Bellamy chews at his lip for a moment, his determined expression wavering. “I mean, if you want to tell me.”

Aaron chuckles at that, feeling a rush of fondness for his friend. “It just, something changed at some point, I guess. The whole fake dating thing, it just…”

“Became not fake?”

Aaron nods. “We spent a lot of time together because of it, and then I started seeing him differently, and I was pretty sure he liked me, and then after the double date with you and Herc, that’s when I really started thinking things were changing. And then we…a few days ago, we kissed and it…then we were supposed to talk and clear everything up but then…”

“The laptop incident happened.” Bellamy nods when Aaron shrugs, moving back over to the bed to sit beside him. “Well _fuck_.”

Aaron snorts, sighing as he brings a hand up to rub at his forehead. “Well fuck,” he agrees, letting his head rest in his hand. “Now I screwed it all up.”

“Don’t say that.” Bellamy nudges him gently. “I really don’t think it’s that bad. Alex will calm down. He’ll realize it was all a mistake. He’ll forgive you.”

Aaron shrugs, lifting his face back up and swiping his hand under his nose. “I guess.”

“And knowing Alex, I’m guessing he freaked after his laptop fell, meaning he probably yelled at you.” Bellamy hums when Aaron nods. “So I’m sure he has some things he needs to apologize for, too. It’s not all on you, Aaron.”

Aaron just shrugs again, not exactly sure if he believes that. He should have just left Alexander alone when he asked. Then none of this would have happened. “When he didn’t want to talk when I came over, I thought it meant he didn’t like me.”

“Aaron.” Bellamy slings an arm around his shoulders and pulls him close. “I don’t know how anyone could dislike you.”

“You have to say that. You’re biased as my best friend.”

“Meaning I have years of evidence to back up the statement,” Bellamy murmurs, leaning over to kiss Aaron on the cheek, making an overly loud smacking noise when he pulls away. “Seriously. Alex is crazy when he works. He threw a shoe at me when I came in during one of his cram sessions one time. It’s like a demon takes over his body when he’s stressed. He didn’t even remember throwing the shoe when he finally turned in the assignment. He’ll come to his senses.”

Aaron nods even though he’s pretty sure breaking his laptop will be a much harder thing for Alexander to forget. “Yeah.”

“Do I need to barricade him from the room again?” Bellamy asks. “Like…did he do something I need to beat him up for?”

Aaron lets out a short laugh. “No. No, you don’t need to do that.”

“I could talk to him for you?”

“I don’t know…” Aaron thinks about it for a long moment, but he really doesn’t know if that would help. He looks over at Bellamy, trying to focus on him instead. “So you’re…you’re really not mad?”

Bellamy smiles at him, expression soft. “No, I’m not mad. I’m…I’m a little hurt,” he admits, and Aaron winces. “I just…I want you to tell me things, Aaron. I can’t be there if you don’t tell me. And I…when you keep these secrets, I can’t help but think that I’m doing something wrong.”

“Bellamy,” Aaron starts weakly, a rush of guilt flooding through him, but Bellamy shakes his head.

“It’s fine. Just…tell me things, okay?”

Aaron nods, leaning further into his friend and smiling back at him. “Okay. I promise.” He pauses, something popping into his mind. “I uh, well, I guess I should tell you, me and Sally are kind of in a fight.” He smiles sheepishly when Bellamy glares at him.

“You’re a mess, Aaron Burr.”

“I know.”

-

Bellamy forces Aaron to go out to breakfast with him, taking him to some new restaurant because Aaron refuses to go to the café, not wanting to run into anyone he knows.

And Bellamy does his best to distract Aaron while they eat, and does a pretty good job. But they can’t hide away forever, and Aaron refuses to let Bellamy skip class on his behalf.

“But _you’re_ skipping classes,” Bellamy argues, a pout forming on his lips, and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“I don’t want to go,” Aaron retorts. “But I’ll be fine. Please, Bell, I don’t want you missing class. It would make me feel worse.” He looks over at him. “Seriously. Go to class. I can manage a few hours on my own.”

Bellamy narrows his eyes. “I have classes all day. That’s all day you’ll be moping in your room. I don’t think so. At least let me send someone else over to keep you company.”

Aaron shakes his head immediately. “No. I’d have to explain everything again. I don’t…” Aaron doesn’t think he could do that. It’s embarrassing, admitting the whole fake dating thing and all the lying he’s been doing.

“Do it for me,” Bellamy says, smirking when Aaron glares at him. “You owe me.”

They stare at each other as they walk, and eventually Aaron sighs, which makes Bellamy smile. “Fine.” He rolls his eyes when Bellamy cheers. “Maria,” Aaron continues. “You can tell Maria to meet me at my dorm.” He wouldn’t mind telling her everything. The only other option is Thomas, which Aaron refuses to consider. That conversation would be way too awkward.

“I’ll text her now,” Bellamy says as he pulls out his phone. “And now I will happily go to class.” He looks back over at Aaron. “But call me if you need anything, okay?”

“I will,” Aaron promises. “I’m just gonna walk around for a bit.” He’s not quite ready to go back to his room just yet, knowing that he’ll just be thinking about how empty it is without Alexander. Will just think about all the time they were in there, when they practiced cuddling, when they kissed…

“Get some sleep, too,” Bellamy tells him. “You look dead on your feet.”

Again, Aaron promises that he will, then him and Bellamy are parting ways.

He takes the long way back to his dorm, needing the fresh air, even if it is colder than it’s been the past few days. But it’s nice, in a way, the cold air against his skin. It keeps him from slipping too far into his thoughts.

Aaron hopes what Bellamy said is true, that Alexander will forgive him. But he isn’t sure. He’d been so angry, and Aaron knows how much his work means to him. He just hadn’t been thinking about it at the time, hadn’t remembered how hard Alexander had worked to be here, how much he needs those scholarships to keep coming back. And Aaron had acted like that didn’t matter at all, that his needs were more important.

And he didn’t know how much he’d been putting on Alexander, how many of his feelings and problems he’d been throwing at him without ever giving Alexander space to breathe or talk about his own problems. Maybe if Aaron had been more open, more willing to listen, Alexander would have told him how he felt a lot sooner. They might not be in the situation they are now.

Aaron gets back to his dorm about thirty minutes later, not really sure if he’s feeling better or not. He doesn’t feel awful, though, which is certainly an improvement from this morning. And he does feel tired. Maybe he’ll sleep the rest of the day and wake up with some kind of solution to this whole mess.

But then he walks into his room and lets out a startled noise, having to blink a few times to make sure he’s really seeing what he’s seeing.

“Hey,” Maria says, waving at him from his bed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“How did you get in here?”

“Oh.” Maria shrugs. “I kind of broke in.”

Aaron stares at her. “You broke in?” He stares at his door, wondering exactly what that means.

“Kind of,” Maria repeats, and then she’s sitting up and smiling before looking at him more seriously. “Bellamy texted me. Just said get to Aaron’s asap, S.O.S, and all that. So. Here I am.” She continues to watch him as he sheds his jacket. “What’s the emergency?”

“Bell didn’t fill you in?” He turns back to Maria, who shrugs again.

“He did. I just want to hear you say it.”

For some reason, that makes Aaron angry. His jaw clenches as he stares at Maria, who is staring calmly back at him. “What? You want to hear me say that I fucked everything up? Fine. I did. I fucked up. Happy? Going to lecture me about my shitty life choices? Well save it, I don’t need to hear it, I already know.”

“Aaron-"

“I don’t want to be yelled at anymore,” Aaron tells her, hating how his voice cracks over the words. “Just…please don’t, okay?” He hears Alexander’s words replaying in his head. “I know I fucked up, I know I’m an idiot, and that I’m selfish. I know that I always mess everything up! You don’t need to tell me.”

He turns away, wrapping his arms around himself and squeezing his eyes shut, hoping Maria will just leave. He shouldn’t have told Bellamy to text her. He shouldn’t have bothered anyone else. He should have just dealt with it himself.

He hears Maria stand up, and is waiting for the sound of his door opening and closing, but it doesn’t come.

“Aaron,” Maria says again, her voice closer. Her hand lands on his shoulder. “I wasn’t going to say any of that. I wasn’t _thinking_ any of that. Bellamy did tell me you and Alex had a fight, which we’ll discuss in a second. But Bellamy also told me about the fake dating, and about how you really like Alex. That’s what I wanted to hear you say.”

Aaron takes in a shaky breath, his anger deflating. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Maria puts her other hand on him and turns him around, smiling gently when he finally opens his eyes to look at her. “Sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out.”

Aaron shrugs. “Don’t be.”

Maria sighs and leads Aaron over to his bed, sitting him down before taking the spot beside him. Then she looks at him. “I knew, but the way. About the fake dating.”

Aaron jumps at that, staring at her with wide eyes. “What? How?”

“It was kind of obvious,” Maria says with a snort. “I mean, you’re an awful liar to start, and, well…” She hesitates a moment. “And Alex still looked at you the same way he always did after you guys claimed to be dating.”

“What does that mean?”

“Aaron, that boy has been in love with you for months, and it was tearing him up. It was written all over his face.”

Aaron turns away, his stomach twisting at her words. Great. Another thing to feel guilty about. He dragged Alexander along without realizing how he was feeling. How could he not have seen it?

Maria puts a tentative hand on his back, rubbing small circles against his skin. “Aaron, I’m not lecturing you, or saying what you did was wrong. I don’t think you knew what you were doing.”

“And that makes it okay?”

“It makes it less bad, I think. You’ve had a lot going on, and it’s made you more oblivious than usual.”

Aaron chuckles, letting his head rest on Maria’s shoulder. “Am I oblivious?”

“Incredibly.”

Aaron hums, letting his eyes close as he takes a deep breath. And Maria stays quiet, letting him fix the jumble of emotions in his chest and calm down for a few minutes. “How do I fix this, Maria? I messed up so bad.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Alexander hates me.”

Maria sighs, and then she nudges Aaron back up, making him look at her. “He does not hate you, Aaron. He’s upset. And he messed up, too, based on all that crap you were spewing a few minutes ago. And he’ll realize it and come knocking at your door and you’ll figure it out.”

Aaron looks down, inspecting his hands for a few moments. “But I don’t know how to figure it out. I don’t know how to apologize.”

“You’ll get there,” Maria assures him softly. “You guys will talk, and you’ll fix things, both of you will fix things. I’ll go to Alex myself and tell him the same thing. You’re both so stubborn, and both need a kick in the butt to get yourselves moving sometimes.”

Aaron smiles, nodding slowly, hoping she’s right. He lets Maria push him onto the bed, throwing a blanket over him and then scooting so she’s still sitting beside him.

“First,” she starts, “you need to sleep, cause yikes, you don’t look good. So, sleep first, forgiveness and shit later.”

Aaron shifts on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. “How long should I wait? To go see him?”

Maria makes a thoughtful noise. “For now, I would wait to see if he comes to you. He needs space. Needs to decompress and come to his senses. Seriously, he’ll come to you. I know it.”

“You know all,” Aaron teases, chuckling when Maria throws him an unimpressed look.

Then they fall silent, Aaron trying to let his mind relax so he can get some sleep. He does feel tired, but his thoughts are racing, mulling over everything and not letting him give in to how tired he is.

“Do you…” He pauses, picking at his bedsheets. “You really think he likes me?” He asks softly.

Maria peers down at him, looking surprised. Then she smiles and pats his leg over the covers. “Aaron, I have never seen someone look at someone else the way Alex looks at you.”

Aaron’s stomach flutters, and he gives Maria a smile, the first smile that has felt genuine all day. “Okay,” he murmurs, allowing a small spark of hope to flare up in his chest. He looks back up at the ceiling, and takes a deep breath. “I really like him, Maria,” he admits through a murmur, feeling his throat grow tight. “I like him a lot.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want him to hate me.”

Maria’s hand finds his, and she twines their fingers together. “He doesn’t. I promise. And he’ll tell you that, and you’ll see how much he likes you. And you’ll make him so happy when you tell him how you feel.”

Aaron nods, hoping he gets that chance.

“And I’ll lock you two in a room until you both admit how you feel if I have to,” Maria continues, giving Aaron’s hand a squeeze when he lets out a laugh. “Now sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Aaron squeezes her hand back, hoping the gesture conveys how thankful he feels, and how much he loves her.

It takes a while, but Aaron finally feels his mind slow down, and his eyes close, and then his breathing slows down as well, allowing him to relax. He drifts in and out of consciousness, never really falling asleep entirely.

He’s grateful that Maria is beside him, keeping her hand in his the entire time. But she’s not Alexander, and Aaron wishes she were, wishes that Alexander was the one beside him, that he was the one in his bed. Aaron needs him. He needs to get him back.

And he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as angsty as y'all were thinking, right? At least Aaron talked to people. His friends are the best it makes me tear up.
> 
> Next week, we get Alex's mopey chapter. Wonder who he'll go to for advice? STAY TUNED.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave them here or on my tumblr @fanciful-follies! :D


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No double update this week, so take your time with this one.
> 
> Enjoy! x

Alex’s hands are starting to cramp up, his back stiff, and his eyes are burning, but he can’t seem to close them for too long without feeling the urge to just keep them closed and sleep for hours. And that can’t happen. So he keeps his eyes open. Keeps working. Keeps pushing himself harder.

He doesn’t look at the time, not wanting to know because it will just stress him out even more. But he knows he’s missing his Thursday classes, has already missed them. He doesn’t care, though. He has to finish. He has to keep going. Has to keep going or else he’ll start thinking about what happened. What he did.

Every time he blinks, Alex sees Aaron’s face. His shock. His guilt. His hurt. All because of what Alex had said to him. What's worse is when Alex thinks back on it, the words that had come from him are a blur of sound that he can’t completely piece together. He doesn't remember what he said. But he knows it was bad, knows that he had been a complete jerk.

The thing is, Alex hadn’t even realized what Aaron meant by wanting to talk to him until after he had stormed out. It was only after he walked outside, the cold air hitting him, clearing some of his jumbled mind, that he realized they were supposed to talk about the whole fake dating thing, about them.

And his stomach had twisted at the realization, making him turn cold and queazy, but the weight of his laptop in his backpack had forced Alex to keep moving, had forced him to start thinking about his paper again, and about how his laptop was broken, that he would need a new one, which he can’t afford.

Then the panic had settled back in, and Alex had rushed to the library, grabbing a computer as quickly as possible and signing into his google account so he could get a document set up. He wasn’t making the mistake of losing it again. And then he worked. 

And he’s been there ever since, writing as fast as possible, doing his best to remember what he had written earlier. He hates working under stress, especially so close to the due date, but it also causes some pretty great ideas to get pulled out of his mind due to his desperation, and at this point he'll take what he can get.

Time moves by quickly, too quickly, and Alex doesn’t risk wasting any time by getting up to eat. He can’t take any breaks. Thursday afternoon becomes Thursday night, and Alex’s legs and butt are going numb from sitting in the same position for so long. But he keeps pushing.

He thinks that he’s getting pretty close to having a draft done when a hand lands on his shoulder, shaking him.

“Hamilton.”

Alex jumps at the firm voice, turning in his seat to find himself looking up at the very last person he wants to see.

“Jefferson,” he grumbles out, already turning back to focus on his paper. “Go away.”

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

The hand leaves his shoulder, and Alex is about to breathe out a sigh of relief, but then he sees Jefferson pull up a chair out of the corner of his eye, and he groans. This is not going to be good.

“I should be more clear. That wasn’t a compliment. You look like complete, utter shit. And you’re talking to yourself. People are staring. You’re scaring them.”

Alex scowls at that, peering around to see a few people nearby throwing his weird glances. Fuck. “Go away, Jefferson,” he says again. “I’m busy, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” Jefferson tells him, scooting closer with a smirk. “I’ve been here for a few hours, and I’m truly impressed by your dedication to shoving your face as close as possible to the screen without actually climbing into it.”

“Fuck off.” Alex starts to type, hoping Jefferson will get the message and just leave him alone.

“You need an attitude check.” Jefferson raises his eyebrows when Alex turns to glare at him. “Just friendly advice. Don’t go kissing your boyfriend with that mouth.”

Alex turns away sharply at those words, throat working as he tries to focus on the words staring back at him from the screen. That one word, boyfriend, is enough to make Alex’s chest tighten. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” he mutters, then he’s jumping again when Jefferson’s hand wraps around his elbow.

“What did you do?” He demands, not letting go even when Alex jerks his arm in an attempt to get out of his grip. “Hamilton.” His eyes are boring into Alex's.

“What?” Alex shouts, drawing more attention in their direction. “I’m fucking working, Jefferson. I don’t need you over here being an asshole, okay? Leave me alone. I need to finish this.”

“I’ll leave you alone when you tell me what happened. What did you do?”

“Shut up,” Alex snaps at him, feeling anger rise in him at the assumption that he’s the one who did something, even though it’s mostly true. “I didn’t do anything.”

Jefferson stares at him long and hard for a moment, then he’s standing, dragging Alex up with him and pulling him quickly outside, not even hesitating as Alex struggles against him, trying to get free.

“What did you do,” Jefferson repeats once they’re outside, fixing Alex with a cold stare. “Spill, Hamilton. What the hell do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend?”

“I mean that I don’t have one!” Alex shouts, throwing his hands up. “I mean that I got into a fight with Aaron, he didn’t listen to me, then he fucking broke my laptop, and now I’m here, without a boyfriend, trying to finish a paper that is worth thirty percent of my grade, okay? There. Now leave me _alone_.”

He tries to storm past Jefferson, but the man blocks his path. “That is not the whole story.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. “Bellamy sent a group text a few hours ago, saying ‘if any of you see Alex, pinch him super hard for me’ and he sent it to everyone but Aaron. So obviously, you’re leaving some things out. What exactly did you do that would warrant a hard pinch? Which coming from Bellamy basically translates to a punch in the face.”

Alex clenches his jaw, arms crossing over his chest. “What do you think I did? I yelled at him.”

“Why?”

“Cause he broke my laptop!”

“On purpose?” Jefferson asks, rolling his eyes when Alex just stares at him. “Did he do it on purpose?”

Alex swallows. “No.”

“Did he apologize?”

“Yes.”

“Then why the fuck don’t you have a boyfriend anymore?” Jefferson asks, one eyebrow raised. “Cause from what I’m getting from all this, that is entirely you’re fault.”

“How is it-“

“You got into a fight, Aaron accidentally broke your laptop and then apologized, and then you yelled at him, and now you’re here working like a maniac, so I’m assuming you stormed out after yelling at him and left him by himself to wallow in guilt, which is basically the worst thing you could do to Aaron.”

Alex falls silent after that, looking down at the ground and wrapping his arms a little tighter around himself. “I sent Bellamy after him,” he mumbles after a moment. “He’s not alone.” He glances back up at Jefferson, who is giving him an unimpressed look. “Would you stop? He’s fine. Bellamy smothers him in attention. He’s not alone.”

Jefferson sighs. “Do you know why Bellamy smothers him in attention?”

“Because that’s how Bellamy is?” Alex suggests, not understanding the question.

“Wrong. Because Aaron needs it.”

“What’s that supposed to m-"

“He’s attention starved, Hamilton. Will never admit it, but he is. So Bellamy turns himself into this annoying ball of energy and smiles and hugs whenever he’s around Aaron, because he knows that’s what Aaron needs. Why do you think the kid sleeps so goddamn much whenever Aaron isn’t around?”

Alex blinks at Jefferson, his words hitting him like ice. He always assumed that’s just how Bellamy was, that he got random spikes of energy and then crashed. But what Jefferson is saying make sense, and Alex hates that it makes sense, because it makes him feel like a piece of shit.

“I didn’t…” He trails off, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes, willing himself to not break down. Not in front of Jefferson. He needs to keep it together, needs to finish his paper before letting his mind think about this. “I didn’t meant to…to-"

“Well you did,” Jefferson tells him bluntly, no sympathy in his voice. “And now you need to fix it.”

“I…I will.” Alex shifts on his feel, biting at his lip. “But I…I need to finish this paper.” He hunches his shoulders when Jefferson sighs, sounding extremely exasperated. “I won’t be able to think about anything else until I do.

“How much more do you have?”

“I just need to edit it. Look for typos.”

“I’ll do it.”

Alex feels his jaw drop, and he stares up at Jefferson in shock. “Uh, what?” There’s no way he heard that correctly.

“I’ll edit it for you,” Jefferson says, his tone making it sound like he’s talking to a child, which makes Alex bristle. “And you are going to curl up in one of the library’s dirty chairs and take a fucking nap. I feel like passing out from just staring at you.”

“But-"

“Shut up, Hamilton. And let me edit it. This is the only time I will ever do something nice for you, so accept it. Cherish it. Know that I will use it as blackmail at some point later in life.”

That actually pulls a laugh from Alex, and he stares at Jefferson for a few moments before allowing his head to dip down in a nod before he can think about it too much. Then he’s following Jefferson back inside, letting the man push him into a chair, watching with only slight hesitation as Jefferson sits in front of the computer.

Alex watches him scoff, already highlighting something on his paper and changing it. Alex is about to push himself out of his chair and go over to stop him when his eyes blink once, twice, and then three times, his eyelids growing heavy within seconds. Maybe he’ll just rest for a few minutes, then he’ll go over. Yeah. Just a few minutes…

-

“HAMILTON!”

Alex jerks awake, legs flailing as he sits up. “Huh? What? What?” His eyes focus and he finds himself staring up at Jefferson, who is looking back at him in disdain, a small stack of papers in his hands.

“You have class in ten.” Jefferson holds out the papers, which Alex realizes is his paper. His beautiful, completed, ten page paper.

He grabs them, standing up quickly. “Thank you. Oh man, okay.” He looks around, going over to the computer and grabbing his backpack, which feels weirdly light. “Hey, where’s my-"

“I took your laptop to James,” Jefferson says. “He’s weirdly good with technology. Said he could fix your computer no problem. Which just confirms my suspicion that you are even more of an idiot than I originally thought for not going to see if it could be fixed earlier.”

Alex’s stomach twists, but he glares at Jefferson, trying to hide his feelings behind that. “I didn’t have time,” he lies, not wanting to admit that he hadn’t thought of getting his computer checked out. “But whatever. Thanks, I guess.”

“I did none of this for you,” Jefferson tells him, and Alex straightens up fully to look at him. Jefferson shrugs. “I did this for Aaron. And if turning in this paper does not calm you the fuck down enough to go and apologize to him, then I will make your life a living hell.”

Alex blinks at him, figuring it’s best to not ask for details on how he’d make that happen. So he just nods and slings his backpack over his shoulders, teetering on saying thank you again but ultimately deciding against it.

“I’ll talk to him,” he says instead, doing his best to ignore the nerves that flare up inside him at the prospect of going to Aaron and facing him.

Jefferson seems to sense his apprehension, because he just hums and looks disbelieving as he promptly turns on his heel, reminding Alex that he only has a few minutes to get to class. It would be incredibly embarrassing to be late turning in his paper, so he turns as well, quickly making his way to class.

When he hands his paper over to his professor, Alex expects to feel a wave of relief, but instead it’s like a crushing weight falls over him.

He walks slowly over to his seat, rubbing at his chest and trying to figure out why he suddenly feels like collapsing. He feels rush after rush of disappointment washing over him, along with the beginning prickles of panic crawling over his skin. Then it hits him.

None of this was worth it.

Working himself so hard wasn’t worth yelling at Aaron. Getting his paper done wasn’t worth putting his paper first and Aaron second. He made a mistake. Maybe the biggest mistake of his life, he-

_“You made it about yourself, like you always do!”_

His own words ring in his ears, and Alex drops his face into his hands, elbows resting on his desk. He can’t believe he said that. How could he say that?

_“Sorry that you messed everything up for me!”_

Alex bites back a groan, guilt and mortification slamming into him. He’s such an idiot. He didn’t mean those words. Aaron never makes things about himself, is always so hesitant to open up, is always there for Alex when he needs him to be. Alex has never had someone be there for him as much as Aaron is, not in a long time.

Aaron is one of the best things that ever happened to him, and Alex single-handedly threw that away.

The rest of class slips by, and Alex barely pays attention. He can’t think of anything except Aaron, and how mean he’d been, and how he could have pushed him away for good. Alex won’t be able to live like that. He can’t lose him. He tries to think of a solution, but his mind is being so slow, his lack of sleep finally catching up to him.

Once class is over, Alex stumbles outside, the sun reflecting off the snow making his eyes burn slightly. Why the fuck is the sun so bright? It’s like…personally attacking him. He needs to be able to see to walk. Or like…feel his legs. Alex peers down to make sure he still has legs. Yep. They’re there. They’re just…very wobbly, and not doing their job.

He looks around, trying to decide if he should go eat something or go to his dorm and pass out for hours. Maybe a whole day. Food is probably important though. He doesn’t remember the last time he ate, but based on the way things are starting to seem a little spinny, food might be a good idea.

Alex takes a few steps forward, trying to concentrate on where he’s going, trying to concentrate on not falling down, but he still manages to run into someone, knocking himself and them off balance.

“Sorry,” Alex mumbles, taking a moment to steady himself before walking forward again.

“Wait!” A voice calls, and Alex pauses to turn back to the person he’d run into, staring up at a some girl’s face that he’s never seen before. Or at least he doesn't think so. She does look kind of familiar. “Sorry,” she continues, holding out her phone to him, which is showing a pdf map of the campus. “I’m just...can you help me?”

Alex wants to say no, but he grunts out an affirmative and walks back over, staring at where she’s pointing.

“I’m trying to find this dorm. You know where it is?”

Alex nods, stomach churning a little. “Yeah, I know where that is.” It’s Aaron’s dorm. Of course he knows where it is. He’s been over there so many times. Slept there so many times. He loves going there. “It’s, uh,” Alex clears his throat and glances around, trying to focus. “Go that way.” He points ahead of them. “Then turn right after about…uh,” he squeezes his eyes shut, hoping that will stop his vision from being so fuzzy. “Just. Go right after a few minutes. Then you keep going, and it’ll be there.”

The girl stares at him for a beat. “But…how do I know when to turn right?”

“You just will.”

“I just will,” she repeats, raising her eyebrows in an a way that Alex swears he's seen before. “Great. Thanks for the stellar advice.” Her tone is dry and sarcastic, but Alex is too tired to care.

“Anytime,” he mutters, pushing past her and continuing on his way. Or trying to. He keeps stumbling over his own feet. And wow, things just keep on spinning. Alex lets out a weak laugh, letting the whole situation sink in.

He worked himself like crazy over this paper when he could have just gotten his laptop fixed. Or asked his professor for an extension. Aaron had said he’d explain everything, but Alex had shut him down, had yelled at him. Had said awful, awful things.

And now he’s turned the paper in, and has no boyfriend. He lost Aaron. He didn’t just lose him, he pushed him away, he fucked up so bad, he-

“Alex?”

A soft hand slides into his, pulling him from his thoughts and making him realize that he’d stopped moving, that he’d just been standing there.

Alex looks down at the hand in his, and then up, taking in Eliza’s worried expression swimming in front of his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she says slowly, her eyebrows drawn together as she inspects him. “Are you okay?”

Alex laughs at her question, his shoulders rising and falling in a quick shrug. He has no idea. He doesn’t feel okay. “I’m…” Alex swallows, swaying slightly, and Eliza’s hand grips his even tighter.

“Alex,” she says. “I’m heading to Theodosia’s apartment, why don’t you come with me?” Her voice is soft, but Alex can tell that her words aren’t really phrased like a question, so he nods, allowing Eliza to pull him forward.

He spaces out as they walk, trusting that Eliza will direct him and make sure that he doesn’t run into anything or trip. It seems like only seconds has passed when suddenly they’re stopping, Eliza sliding a key into a lock and then gently guiding Alex inside.

“Liza, hey, so - oh.”

Alex glances up at Theodosia’s surprised tone, blinking at her as her eyes move from his to Eliza’s, the two of them having a silent conversation that Alex clearly isn’t a part of. But then Theodosia is stepping forward.

“Hey, Alex.” She smiles at him, but it’s a smile someone gives a skittish animal, and Alex wants to be offended at that, but he's too tired. “Do you want to sit down?” She gestures at the small couch against the wall, and Alex nods.

As soon as he’s off his feet, leaning against the back of the couch with both Theodosia and Eliza standing in front of him with matching concerned expressions, Alex feels something inside him snap, and suddenly there’s a flow of words escaping him, and he can’t stop.

“I messed up. I messed up so bad and I don’t know what to do. Aaron hates me, he must hate me, I would hate me. I _do_ hate me. I fucked up. I fucked up and I lost him.” He manages a shaky exhale before continuing. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t…I don’t know. I hate not knowing. I hate _everything_.”

The words sound almost immature to Alex’s own ears, but he doesn’t know what else to say, or how to better explain his state of mind. Eliza and Theodosia are still standing there, staring, and Alex opens his mouth to keep going, to explain himself, but a sob escapes him instead.

Then he’s crying in earnest, tears spilling over his cheeks as he covers his face, hunching his shoulders in an attempt to make himself smaller, embarrassed that he’s having a breakdown in front of two people he doesn’t even know that well. They must think he’s crazy, must think he’s-

“Alex.” The couch dips beside him, and then gentle hands are touching him, pulling him until his head is resting on someone’s shoulder, cradling him against them. “Shh.” Eliza murmurs, one of her hands smoothing over his hair. “You’re okay.”

Alex shakes his head, his breathing coming too fast. “I messed it all up.”

“You’ll fix it.”

But he shakes his head again, moving to wrap his arms around Eliza, feeling himself shake as tears continue to slip down his face. It’s too late. It’s almost been two days. Two days since he yelled at Aaron, two days since he’s even seen him. Aaron has to hate him by now. It’s too late to fix anything.

He always does this, always pushes himself too hard, stresses himself out, twists and stretches himself thin until there’s barely anything left. Then he lashes out, becomes blind to other people, his mind unable to function correctly and think of anything but himself or what he’s working on. It’s a problem, he knows it is, he just always ignores it, thinks he’ll be able to conquer it the next time. But then it happens, and he’s helpless against it.

“I _yelled_ at him,” Alex whispers, his voice cracking. “I was so mean. I refused to listen, and then I…” he trails off, unable to admit out loud the things that he’d said. “There’s no way he’d forgive me.”

Eliza rubs his back, not saying anything, and Alex takes her silence as a sign of her agreeing with him, and that just makes him cry even harder, shoulders shaking. But then he feels the other side of the couch dipping, and he lifts his head to see Theodosia sitting there, a glass of water in her hand, which she extends towards Alex.

He takes it, hand trembling slightly as he brings the glass to his lips, taking a small sip. “Thank you,” he manages over a hiccup, sniffing loudly. He takes another sip, not realizing how thirsty he’d been. “Sorry,” he mutters seconds later, running the back of his hand under his nose as he clears his throat. “That was…sorry.”

Theodosia just shakes her head, placing her hand gently on Alex’s knee. “You don’t need to apologize. It’s okay.”

“None of this is okay.”

Theodosia smiles sadly at him. “Listen. I’m not trying to…lessen what happened, or make the situation seem not as drastic as it is, but I do think you might be…kind of overreacting.”

“Theodosia!” Eliza hisses, sounding embarrassed, but Alex pats her arm to signal it’s okay, that he isn’t offended.

“I saw Aaron in class,” Theodosia continues. “I’m his TA, right? And he…I mean, he didn’t look happy, but he didn’t look _angry_ either.”

Alex chews at his lip, considering the information as he sniffs a few more times, his nose already stuffy and clogged. “What…what do you think that means, exactly?”

“I think it means that you need to talk to him.” Theodosia gives him firm look when Alex pouts, scared at the idea of talking to Aaron. “He looks sad, Alex. Spacing out basically all of class. He sat in his seat for five minutes after everyone left just staring at his shoes until I asked if he was okay.”

“How is this supposed to make me feel better?” Alex asks, turning to glare at Eliza when she chuckles at the question.

“Sorry,” she says, trying to straighten out her expression. “It’s just, I don’t think Theo is trying to make you feel better, Alex.”

“You’re making me sound mean.”

“You are. But in a nice way.”

“Aw.”

Alex rolls his eyes at their banter, focusing on what Theodosia had said earlier, about Aaron seeming sad. Obviously he doesn’t want that, that’s so far from what he wants. But sad isn’t angry…and not angry means maybe willing to talk. Alex can work with that. Not angry is good. Not angry fills his chest with a small spark of hope.

He shifts in his spot, dislodging Eliza’s arms from around him.

“I should go see him,” he says, his voice raspy. “Right now. I need to-" He cuts off when Theodosia tugs him back. “What? You said I need to talk to him!”

“Not now, trust me.”

“Well when?” Alex squirms, tempted to just get up and run out. He needs to see Aaron. He has to explain and apologize and get him back and kiss him and date the heck out of him as soon as possible. He _needs_ him.

“Maybe after you sleep,” Eliza tells him. “No offense, but you don’t look great. I think you’d scare Aaron.”

Theodosia laughs when Alex scowls, standing up. “I’ll make you some grilled cheese.”

“She makes the best grilled cheese,” Eliza murmurs, smiling at Theodosia before turning back to Alex. “And hey, I really do think it will be okay. Aaron is kind. He’ll forgive you.”

Alex shrugs, exhaling slowly. “I just…I don’t want him to forgive me because he’s kind, I want him to forgive me cause he really forgives me. I want him to like me.” Alex’s breath catches in his throat. He can’t imagine what it would be like if Aaron didn’t like him any more.

Eliza takes his hand. “He does, Alex. He does. You just need to eat something, sleep, and then talk to him, okay? It’ll work out.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m a very optimistic person.” Eliza grins at him, squeezing his hand. “Plus I’ve seen you two together. You’re good for each other. You just…need to practice telling each other that.”

Alex swallows and nods, giving her hand a returning squeeze before letting go and wiping at his eyes. “Yeah.”

A few minutes later, Alex finds himself squished between Eliza and Theodosia with a plate of grilled cheese in his lap as they watch TV. Both of them occasionally throw a concerned glance his way, but Alex pretends not to see, and just keeps munching at the grilled cheese, shamelessly accepting Theodosia’s offer for seconds.

Soon after that he finds himself drifting off, eyes closing for longer and longer each time he blinks. He feels the plate being pulled out of his hands, wants to say that he’s still awake, but his mouth doesn’t open, and instead he allows himself to be pushed down until he’s lying flat on the couch, a blanket being thrown over him moments later.

It’s only when he’s blinking his eyes open in the darkness that Alex realizes he’d fallen asleep.

His head is fuzzy in a way that it always is after he cries, and he groans as he pushes himself up into a sitting position to look around. Theodosia and Eliza are gone, probably sleeping themselves.

Alex grabs for his phone, rubbing at one of his eyes as he takes in the time. 11:28. He slept for a good eight hours or so. That’s good. He feels more like a person. More like himself, which he hopes is a good thing.

He slips his phone back into his pocket and swallows, breathing out through his nose as his mind goes back to what Eliza and Theodosia had told him. Talk to Aaron. Fix things. That’s what he needs to do.

Alex taps his fingers against his leg, letting it bounce up and down as he thinks. 11:28…that’s not _that_ late. People are sometimes still awake at that time, especially on a Friday.

Aaron is probably awake.

Alex stands up, teetering back on his heels for a moment as he bites at his lip. Then he nods, eyes landing on the napkin on the coffee table in front of him. He fumbles into his backpack for a pen, scribbling out a quick note to Eliza and Theodosia before heading to the front door, pulling it open and stepping outside.

It’s cold, the wind whipping around Alex as he half jogs across campus, but he doesn’t care. He’s not going to waste another second moping. He has to see Aaron. He has to talk to him. He can’t just wait around for the best moment. Now is the best moment. Right now.

Alex bangs his fist against Aaron’s door, his heart thumping in his chest as he waits. Seconds pass by, and Alex raises his first to knock again, but then the door is swinging open, and Alex sways forward slightly due to the wind up of his knock.

And Aaron stares at him, eyebrows shooting up, mouth opening slightly, but no noise comes out, and Alex steadies himself, letting his hand fall back to his side.

They stare at each other, some of Alex’s determination slipping away and getting replaced by nerves. His eyes trail over Aaron’s face, taking in the bags under his eyes, his sweatpants and large sweatshirt making him look thin. Alex quickly moves his gaze to behind Aaron, the light of his laptop illuminating the room and letting Alex know that at least he hadn’t woken him up.

Then his eyes land on Aaron’s bed, noticing the pint of ice cream sitting there beside his laptop. Alex swallows, looking back at Aaron, who is watching Alex with a guarded expression, his fingers picking at his sweatpants as he waits.

So Alex swallows again. He just needs to get two words out. _I’m sorry_. That’s what he needs to say, what he needs to start with to open up the conversation. Clear communication. That’s what’s important. And apologizing. He needs to do that.

His eyes find Aaron’s, and his heart leaps into his throat as he takes a deep breath.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

… _fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Kudos are greatly appreciated, comments fuel my motivation. So leave 'em here or on my tumblr @fanciful-follies
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter, seeing as there was a lot of ground to cover. This chapter also kicked my ass, so I hope it reads okay.
> 
> Enjoy x

_“I think I’m in love with you.”_

Aaron blinks. Once. Twice. And Alexander remains where he is, standing in his doorway with his face steadily becoming more and more pale. And Aaron just stares, a strange static filling up his ears as his mind tries to catch up with what just happened, with what Alexander just said, with what is happening in general.

Aaron clears his throat. “You-"

“No,” Alexander interjects quickly, and then he’s swearing. “Fuck. I mean, yes. I – but that’s not what I meant to say. Or it was! But – “ Alexander cuts off, a laugh escaping him as he brings a hand up to his face. “Shit.”

“So…no?” Aaron tries again, his voice sounding a little wobbly.

“No, yes! Or…goddammit.”

Aaron watches Alexander struggle, feeling sort of like someone just tore the floor out from underneath him. He’d been half-asleep when the knock at his door had made him jump. He figured it would be Maria or Bellamy, so he’d gotten up. He never thought it would be Alexander.

And he never thought those would be the words he would say to him.

Aaron clears his throat again, figuring he should speak, and Alexander’s expression grows almost scared at the noise, and Aaron feels some of his inner turmoil dissolve. He doesn’t want Alexander to look that way. “Well, then what exactly did you mean to say?” He’s proud of how steady his voice is this time, which is the opposite of how he’s feeling.

Alexander chews at his lip for a few seconds. “Can…can I come in?” His voice is quiet, so quiet that Aaron almost misses the question. But then Alexander’s eyes flick to the room behind him, and then back up to Aaron, a hesitant hope in them that mixes strangely with the paleness of his face.

But Aaron’s legs don’t seem to want to work, and his eyes won’t leave Alexander’s face, the words he’d said starting to really catch up to him. He’s in love with him? What does that even mean? But then he’d said that wasn’t what he meant to say, so what does _that_ mean? Is he not? What-

“Aaron.” Alexander’s voice is gentle, and his hand finds Aaron’s, holding it loosely until Aaron focuses on him again. He’s smiling, but his expression is still startled, and his eyes are wide. “I promise not to drop any more bomb shells. I just…I need to talk to you, if…if that’s okay.”

Aaron swallows, looking down at their hands and then he lets his drop back to his side. He sees Alexander’s feet move back a step, like he's going to leave, but Aaron finally manages to nod, then he steps back and gestures for Alexander to come inside.

The door clicks shut behind them, but Aaron stays facing it for a few seconds, trying to prepare himself for this conversation. He has no idea what’s going to happen. Has waited days for Alexander to come see him, taking his friends advice to give him space, but he’s not sure if he feels ready. He already feels unsteady. He wasn’t prepared for it to go like this.

He turns slowly to see Alexander standing in the middle of the room, hands twisting in front of him. Aaron leans his back against the door and watches him, taking a deep breath. “Okay,” he murmurs, more to himself. “Okay.”

And Alexander nods. “I, uhm, I meant to say I’m sorry. I’m…for everything. For yelling at you, for saying what I did. I…” He trails off, and Aaron hears his breath hitch. “I didn’t mean any of it, and I know that doesn’t make it okay, or excuse it cause I still said it, but I…Aaron.” Alexander’s breath hitches again. “I’m so _sorry_.”

Aaron sighs, releasing a huff of breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. The sound is loud in the suddenly silent room, and Aaron walks over to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it and then staring at his hands for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. He hears Alexander take in a deep breath.

“Before you continue,” Aaron interrupts, keeping his gaze down, knowing that it will be easier to get the words out that way. “I…I’m sorry, too. I should have listened to you.”

“I should have listened to you!” Alexander argues, and Aaron can’t help but laugh.

“Maybe,” he says with a shrug. “But if I had just given you space, then we might not be in this situation.”

“Or I could have just taken a ten minute break.”

Aaron shrugs again, exhaling slowly as he glances up at Alexander. “I shouldn’t have grabbed your laptop. That was…I crossed a line.”

“Aaron, it’s-“

“It’s not _okay_ , Alexander,” Aaron cuts in, feeling angry for some reason. Then he lets out another short laugh. “I _broke_ your _laptop_. I ignored what you said about needing to work and then got in your space and-“

“- and accidentally broke my laptop,” Alexander finishes for him in a rush, his hands clenching at his sides as he stares down at Aaron. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

“But I still did it.”

“And I forgive you.” Alexander shifts on his feet, and he takes a small step forward. “I wasn’t exactly being nice. And…to be honest, I…I had forgotten what we were supposed to talk about. If…if I had remembered and not been so crazy I would have dropped my work immediately, Aaron, I swear, I-“

“But I don’t want you to do that!” Aaron tells him, standing up. “I shouldn’t have asked you to do that. You were right; I don’t understand the pressure you’re under. That paper was important.” He raises his eyebrows when Alexander mumbles something under his breath. “What?”

“I said,” Alexander starts, his face flushing, “that it wasn’t as important as you.”

Aaron pauses at that, lips quirking up into a small smile for a moment. “Regardless, I could have waited. The paper couldn’t. Did, uh, did the paper turn out okay?” He has to ask, has to know that he didn't ruin everything for Alexander.

Alexander nods, a strange look passing over his face. “Jefferson helped me. I know,” he adds when Aaron’s mouth drops open. “That was my reaction. He edited it for me and everything. And…” Alexander trails off, ducking his head. “And he got my laptop fixed. It wasn’t completely broken. Which just added to the long list Jefferson had of ways I’d fucked everything up.”

Aaron frowns when Alexander laughs. He doesn't want Alexander to think that. This is all such a mess. “You didn’t fuck everything up.”

“I fucked most of it up.”

Aaron shakes his head, taking another step forward to take Alexander’s hand, waiting until he’s looking back up at him to continue. “The fact that Thomas was helping you proves I messed up, too. He only did that to try and get rid of ways you could blame me.”

Alexander blinks at him. “Seriously?”

Aaron shrugs. “Thomas is a strange person, will do anything for his friends even if it's not exactly kind. He means well, though.”

Alexander snorts at that, but then a small smile plays at his mouth, and he reaches slowly for Aaron’s other hand. “Then…we both messed up?”

“I think that can be agreed upon.”

“And we both forgive each other?” His smile widens when Aaron nods, and he swings their hands back and forth. “We’re gonna be great boyfriends.”

Aaron takes in a slow breath at that, and Alexander’s smile falters immediately. “Alexander,” Aaron starts in a rush, “ No, I-“

“No, that’s fine,” Alexander says, his voice squeaking a little. He lets go of Aaron’s hands and takes a stumbling step back. “I shouldn’t have assumed. Obviously you don’t want to be my boyfriend after all that.”

“Alexander, that’s not what-“

“I get it,” Alexander continues, his eyes wide as he takes another step back. “I just threw a bunch of information at you and it’s freaking you out on top of how mean I was, and then what I said when I first came over was crazy and I-“

Aaron rolls his eyes and takes a step forward, not paying attention to the rest of the words coming from Alexander’s mouth. Instead he leans in and stops the flow of words with a firm kiss, his hands coming up to rest against the side of Alexander’s face.

“Will you just shut up for a minute?” Aaron murmurs against his lips, pulling away to see Alexander staring at him in shock. Aaron huffs out a small laugh before continuing. “I do want to date you.”

“Oh. Cool.” Alexander blinks at him, not seeming able to say much more than that.

“It’s just…” Aaron chews at the inside of his cheek, picking his words carefully. “What you said earlier, when you first came in, it-“

“Just forget I said it,” Alexander says quickly, his face flushing. “I’m sleep deprived, I’m-“

Aaron gives him an exasperated look, and Alexander snaps his mouth shut, expression sheepish. “I don’t…I don’t want to forget it, and you don’t need to be embarrassed. I just…” Aaron trails off for a moment, tilting his head as he looks at Alexander. “Can I ask you a question?”

“I guess.”

“How long have you liked me?”

Alexander groans. “Not that question. Any other question.”

“Alexander.”

“Ugh,” Alexander looks away from him, a distressed expression on his face that makes Aaron want to laugh, but he holds it back. “Just…for a little while. I don’t know. I don’t remember.” He purses his lips when Aaron makes a disbelieving sound, and then he moves his eyes back to his. “It’s embarrassing.”

Aaron snorts. “Alexander, I don’t think I’ll tease you for having a crush on me. The feeling is mutual. We’ve cleared that much up.”

Alexander stares at him for a few seconds before sighing, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Uh, well, I guess I first realized it when…when I got sick that one time, and you brought me soup.”

Aaron hums, letting that information sink in. That was months ago, back at the beginning of first semester. Had it really been that long? Had Aaron really not noticed? He tries to think back on all the times they’d hung out, trying to find signs in his memories, but it’s all too fuzzy.

“I told you it was embarrassing,” Alexander mumbles, and Aaron blinks at him again, noticing that he’s looking at Aaron with a pinched expression.

“It’s not,” Aaron tells him quickly, realizing that he’s been silent since Alexander’s admission. “I just…I didn’t notice. I had no idea.”

“Yeah, I know.” Alexander’s mouth quirks up into a smile. “You’re probably the most oblivious person I’ve ever fucking met.” He laughs when Aaron glares at him. “It’s true. It’s your one major fault.”

Aaron knows Alexander is teasing him, trying to make light of the situation, but he can’t help but feel bad. He’d dragged Alexander’s feelings through the mud without ever knowing, without ever thinking. And then he’d fucking made Alexander pretend to date him.

With a small groan, Aaron takes a step back and sits down on the edge of his mattress again. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what? Really, it’s fine, I never said anything, it’s not really your fault.”

“I should have realized,” Aaron says, shaking his head. “But I was self absorbed and never even thought…I treated you like shit.”

“No, you-“

“I was fake dating you for money,” Aaron continues, rubbing at his eyes. “I was basically getting paid for pretending to date you, while you got nothing.” Aaron presses harder at his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

Everything is quiet for a moment, but then Aaron hears the sound of footsteps, and when he looks up, Alexander is right in front of him, his expression soft. He reaches out slowly, both of his hands coming to rest on either side of Aaron’s face.

“You’ve had a lot going on,” he murmurs. “I’m not mad at you. I get it. You were not being self-absorbed. I never should have said all that stuff when we fought. It’s not true.”

“I should have noticed,” Aaron murmurs back, still feeling guilty. “When we started fake dating, everyone kept saying how much sense it made, and even then I…how could I not see it? I’m just…I _never_ see it. Even with Thomas, when we were…I didn’t see it then and I couldn’t even begin to think that he liked me, because nobody ever-“ He cuts off suddenly, realizing what he’d been about to say and how self-pitying it would sound.

But Alexander hums, his expression turning sad. He smoothes his thumbs across Aaron’s cheekbones. “I think you’d be surprised by how many people like you, Aaron. I think the whole campus probably has a crush on you.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, but his lips quirk up, and he exhales slowly, leaning into Alexander’s touch. “That’s probably an exaggeration, but I appreciate it.”

“Maybe.” Alexander shrugs. “But seeing how oblivious you are, I think you should trust me.” He smiles, leaning down a little. “But it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, cause you aren’t available for the whole campus to date.” He lips brush against Aaron’s. “Right?”

“Right,” Aaron whispers back, and then he’s angling his face up just a little, capturing Alexander’s mouth in another brief kiss. “I’m pretty sure my hands are gonna be full with one boyfriend.” He feels Alexander smile against his mouth, and he leans back in, kissing him deeply.

Alexander moves in closer, stepping between Aaron’s legs and moving one of his hands to the back of Aaron’s neck, humming when Aaron puts his hands on his hips. And Aaron parts his lips, feeling his skin tingle when Alexander tentatively licks across his lower lip. Then their tongues are meeting, and Aaron hears Alexander let out a soft moan.

“You taste like mint chocolate chip ice cream,” Alexander says as he pulls away, a smile on his face.

Aaron feels his face heat up, and he glances behind him at the pint of ice cream still sitting on his bed. He’d forgotten that he’d been eating it before Alexander had come over. “I…”

“You were pining.”

Aaron turns back to look at Alexander, who looks slightly smug, and Aaron can’t help but smile. “Maybe a little.”

“I was, too. My go to pining food was grilled cheese, though.”

Aaron chuckles, tugging at Alexander’s hips until they’re kissing again, slow and steady, like they have all the time in the world. And maybe they do now that all of the craziness is over. They’ll have time to figure everything out, time for Aaron to…

“What’re you thinking about?” Alexander asks, resting his forehead against Aaron’s as his hands move to his shoulders. “You look concerned, not a face I exactly want when I’m making out with you.”

“I’m thinking that…” Aaron trails off, shakes his head before letting out a small huff. “I feel like I have whiplash.”

“Oh. Is my kissing that good?”

Aaron shoves at Alexander, who just snorts. Then he takes a deep breath. “About what you said, when I first opened the door. It’s…I… I just…I need time to catch up, okay?”

Alexander had been staring at him with a scared expression as he spoke, but then his shoulders rise and fall, and a tentative smile plays across his lips. “Okay.” He nods. “Yeah, I get that.” He rocks forward slightly, and then back. “Do I get to ask when you started liking me?”

Aaron stares up at him, considering the question. “Is it a bad answer if I say I’m not sure?”

“Yes. Cop out.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, and then he sighs. “Well, I started…thinking about it during the drawing for Maria.

“Hm.” Alexander chews at his lip. “That wasn’t that long ago.”

“Hence the catching up.”

“Right, right.” Alexander nods, and Aaron can practically see him forming some kind of plan in his head. “Hey, lets go on a date.”

“Sure,” Aaron responds, figuring it’s about time that they go on a real date, where both of them are seeing it as that. It’s long overdue, especially for Alexander. “Just name a day.”

“Now.”

“Now?” Aaron repeats, leaning back further to get a better look at Alexander. Is he being serious? He looks serious. “You want to go on a date right now?” Aaron asks, wanting to make sure. And Alexander nods. “It’s midnight.”

“The perfect time,” Alexander says weakly, like he knows that Aaron doesn’t want to. “C’mon, please? We live in a college town, there are places still open. It’ll be fun.”

“Alexander, I don’t-“

“Communication is important, right?” Alexander interrupts, and Aaron just nods, a little taken aback by the question. “Right. And honesty. And I need to tell you that I am kind of freaking out that when we go on a real date you’ll realize you made a mistake and don’t actually like me so I will not be able to not freak out until we go on a date and me freaking out is definitely going to scare you away so we need to go on a date right _now_.”

Aaron blinks at Alexander, eyes roaming over his flustered expression, the pink tinge across his cheeks and the nervous glint in his eyes. Aaron sighs, looking down at himself, taking in the sweatpants and the chocolate stain on his sweatshirt.

“You look great,” Alexander tells him quickly, and Aaron laughs, knowing that he has no way to refuse. They could argue back and forth for a few minutes, but Aaron knows it would end with him giving in. Alexander is too good at arguing.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Alexander says, and then he’s beaming at Aaron and taking a step back, almost bouncing up and down. He claps his hands together, and Aaron can’t help but smile. “Okay! Awesome! I’m paying!”

Aaron watches as Alexander rummages around in his backpack, and stands up, going over to his closet to grab his coat. When he turns back around, Alexander is still smiling, but then he glances down at his backpack, and back up at Aaron.

“Uh, should I…I mean, can I leave my backpack here or?”

Aaron shrugs. “Leave it.” He pulls his jacket on. “You’ll be coming back, anyway.” He snorts at the ecstatic expression that spreads across Alexander’s face and walks over to the door, pulling it open. “Well, lets go.”

-

Alexander ends up taking him to a bar, and Aaron raises his eyebrows when they walk in.

“Trying to get me drunk?” He asks, smirking when Alexander scowls at him. “Too bad I ate so much ice cream that the alcohol probably won’t affect me.”

“We don’t have to drink,” Alexander tells him. “It’s a restaurant, too. They have really good appetizers. And hot chocolate.” He rubs his hands together and Aaron can see how red they are from the cold.

“I could have made you hot chocolate in my room.”

“Well I didn’t want hot chocolate until I went out in the freezing cold.”

“Well that’s your own fault.”

“Well you’re-“

“Alex! Aaron!”

They both look around at the sound of their names, and Aaron spots Maria standing up from a booth she’s sitting at. She waves at them, motioning for them to come over. So they make their way to her, and once they’re closer Aaron sees that Herc is there as well.

“Hey,” Aaron says, eyeing Maria warily. She’s looking between him and Alexander, a smile slowly lighting up her face. “Maria,” he starts, but she claps her hands together before he can continue.

“You two are on a date,” she states, crossing her arms with a smug expression. “I knew it. I knew you guys would make up.”

“Bell will be happy,” Herc chimes in, popping a french fry into their mouth. They smile up at Aaron and Alexander. “Congrats on getting over the first big fight.”

“The first?” Alexander asks, looking worried. “Will there be more?”

Maria and Herc share a look, and Aaron has to hide his smile behind his hand, pretending to cough. But Alexander glares at him anyway, and Aaron looks for a new topic of conversation.

“Is Bellamy here?” He asks as he slides into the booth beside Maria, Alexander taking the spot beside Herc, still frowning.

“Nah.” Herc shakes their head. “He’s tired, so I left him to get a good nights sleep. It’s just me and Maria tonight.”

“Herc was kindly listening to my rambling,” Maria says, resting her chin on her hand and sighing loudly. “I think I’m in love.”

Aaron raises his eyebrows, glancing briefly at Alexander, who is pointedly looking away, a blush on his cheeks. “In love?” Aaron asks, turning back to Maria. It’s been a long time since he’s heard Maria talk like this.

Maria hums in response, sighing again. “The girl of my dreams walked into the café earlier today. Or I guess technically yesterday now. It was love at first sight.”

“What’s her name?” Alexander asks.

“I don’t know.”

Aaron snorts, turning to the waiter who just stopped at their table and orders mozzarella sticks, smiling when Alexander orders a hot chocolate. But then he turns back to Maria, who is staring dreamily ahead of her. “Girl of your dreams but you didn’t get a name?”

“It all happened so fast. I wasn’t the one serving her, but I convinced my co-worker to let me clear her table. Then I worked my charm and sat down with her for a little.” Maria smiles. “She was funny. Dry sense of humor, like yours.” She winks at Aaron. “All I know is that she was visiting and was planning to visit someone. I convinced her to stay and chat with me, though.”

“And you never got a name?”

Maria shakes her head. “Biggest mistake of my life. Didn’t get a number, either.”

“Hwo tragic,” Aaron says, his tone sarcastic, but Maria just hums again, and goes back to staring wistfully into space, lost in her own world.

So Alexander, Herc, and him chat, and Aaron slowly finds that he’s having fun, and that he’s actually glad Alexander forced him to go out. The mozzarella sticks are good, too, although Aaron is sure that his stomach will not be happy with him in the morning.

But Aaron keeps catching Alexander staring at him, smiling at him, and Aaron thinks that an upset stomach is going to be more than worth it.

About an hour or so later, him and Alexander are walking back to Aaron’s dorm, snow swirling around them. There’s not anyone else out, and Aaron finds it nice. He likes campus the most when there aren’t many people around.

He peers over at Alexander, whose face is flushed from the cold. Aaron only hesitates a moment before reaching out for his hand, taking it in his and giving it a squeeze before chuckling. “Your hands are like ice.”

“My whole body is ice,” Alexander whines, and Aaron just laughs harder. “I’m dying, don’t laugh at me.”

“You’re dramatic. And whiny.”

“You like it.”

Aaron stares at him, holding his gaze for a few seconds before moving his eyes forward. “I guess I do,” he murmurs, and he smiles, seeing Alexander’s happy expression from the corner of his eye.

He never thought that he would be able to make Alexander smile so much, that he would be the _reason_ for so much happiness. There are still feelings of guilt at forcing Alexander to pretend to date him, and uncertainty that all of this is even real. But there’s happiness, too, and excitement.

He’s never had a boyfriend before. But he likes it. He likes that it's Alexander.

“So,” Alexander starts once they’re back in Aaron’s room, shifting on his feet. “It was a good first date?” His voice is hopeful, but also nervous, and Aaron shrugs his jacket off, staring at Alexander with fondness. “I mean,” Alexander continues, “obviously it would have been better if it was just the two of us, but also I like Maria and Herc so it was nice anyway, right?.”

Aaron walks over to him, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, loving the blush that spreads across his face at the gesture. Now he knows that all those blushes were for him. “It was a good first date,” Aaron tells him, and then he’s closing the distance between them and kissing Alexander, unable to resist any longer.

Alexander practically melts against him, his arms wrapping around Aaron’s neck, pulling him closer. And Aaron moves his hands to Alexander’s lower back, his hands sliding underneath his shirt and resting against his skin.

He moves forward, pressing Alexander against his door, parting his lips to deepen the kiss. He’d only gotten a taste of this, kissing Alexander, but now he can have more, he wants more.

He feels Alexander shiver against him as he nips at his lower lip, hands sliding further up his back. Then they’re kissing frantically, and Aaron licks into Alexander’s mouth, trying to pull more sounds from Alexander.

“Shit,” Alexander gasps out, breaking away, his chest heaving.

Aaron moves his lips to his jaw, kissing the skin there before moving to his neck. He works at a spot there, sucking, and almost laughs at the way Alexander jerks against him, a moan escaping him. Then he moves back up, kissing Alexander again.

But a few seconds later, Alexander nudges at him, and Aaron pulls away to see him staring with dark eyes, his face flushed.

“I…” Alexander breaks off, and Aaron sees him swallow and has to restrain himself from kissing his neck again. “Sorry, I just…”

“Too fast?” Aaron asks softly, and Alexander gives a small nod.

“Now I have whiplash. And it's definitely from the kissing.”

Aaron chuckles, leaning in slowly to kiss him gently on the lips one last time before moving his hands and taking a step back, giving Alexander space. “Sorry.”

Alexander reaches out to take his hand. “Don’t be. I…I just haven’t exactly gotten a lot of sleep or…or showered and like, don’t get me wrong, I totally want to make out with you and do more than that but I kind of feel like I’m going to pass out, so...” He trails off, looking embarrassed.

“Probably not the best time for a make out session then,” Aaron teases him, smiling as he takes another step back, tugging Alexander towards the bed. “We’re just gonna sleep,” he says with a laugh when Alexander gives him a look. “I’m tired, too.”

“Can I borrow something to sleep in?”

Aaron nods, and turns his back to clean off his bad, moving the empty ice cream container and closing his laptop. He doesn’t look as Alexander changes, not sure how comfortable he is with all of this yet. So he keeps his eyes up at the ceiling as he lays down, only looking when he feels Alexander crawling into bed beside him.

“So,” Alexander starts, lying on his side with an arm tucked under his head. “Are we…we’re dating now, right? Like, officially? I just want to be sure.”

Aaron turns over, mirroring Alexander’s position so they can stare at each other. “I’d say that’s a safe assumption to make.”

“So you don’t need to think about it?”

“No.”

“Cool.”

Aaron laughs at that, rolling onto his back again. “Cool,” he mocks, smiling when Alexander pouts before scooting closer, resting his head on Aaron’s chest.

“Now, the only question we have to solve still is what day to have our anniversary on.”

“What do you mean?” Aaron asks, letting his eyes close, realizing how tired he is. It’s been a long couple of days. 

“I mean, do we celebrate it as the day we went on the double date with Eliza and Theodosia or today? Both were very momentous occasions.”

Aaron sighs, having forgotten how talkative Alexander can be. “Does it matter?”

“Yes. What kind of question is that?”

“Why don’t we just do both days,” Aaron says, mostly to get Alexander to quiet down and sleep. They both need to. “Two anniversaries.”

“That’s awesome.”

“Totally awesome,” Aaron shoots back, his tone dry.

“You’re so mean.”

“And you need to shut up.”

Alexander laughs, and Aaron smiles despite himself, wrapping one arm around Alexander. “Well, you better get used to it. I’m your boyfriend now. I’m gonna be around all the time. I’m gonna be talking _all_ the time.”

“Lucky me,” Aaron murmurs with a sigh, but he pulls Alexander a little closer, letting out a slow breath as Alexander finally falls silent.

It feels so right, both of them lying there, curled up against each other. Aaron’s bed hasn’t felt the same since their fight. It was only a few days, but he’d missed having Alexander in his bed. Missed having Alexander around in general. He hadn’t realized how accustomed he was to Alexander being around until he’d left.

But now he’s back.

Aaron cracks his eyes open, peering down at Alexander, who seems to have fallen asleep already, his breathing slow and steady. Aaron smiles down at him, wondering how all of this happened.

“Lucky me,” Aaron says again, his voice barely above a whisper.

Then he closes his eyes, feeling warm and content with Alexander pressed against him as sleep washes over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F I N A L L Y
> 
> It should be smooth sailing for a bit now ;) hopefully. 
> 
> And HMMM wonder who that mystery girl was that Maria met :)))))
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation. Leave them here or visit me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies
> 
> :D


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the rating change, y'all. This chapter is mainly Alex talking about sex and then having it. If that makes you uncomfortable, I've marked where it begins and ends with a couple dashes (which fall with the chapter breaks anyway). And if you don't want to read any of it, I'll fill you in about any plot points during the end notes, so check those out.
> 
> enjoy!

Alex can’t remember ever being this happy.

The only thing that he thinks compares to this past week is when he’d gotten his college acceptance letters. But other than that, nothing else has been as good as dating Aaron has been.

He knows that they’re probably in the honeymoon phase or whatever people call it, where everything is new and fun but not realistic, but Alex doesn’t care, doesn’t even know if he believes in that. Everything _is_ new and fun, but it’s also real.

Aaron greets him with a kiss now whenever they see each other, they hold hands when they walk across campus, they joke and laugh and share this new secret smile that Alex can’t put words to but he loves. Everything is good. There’s just one thing that is troubling Alex.

Aaron hasn’t gone farther than kissing him.

It’s all been strictly PG between them, and Alex isn’t sure how to drop hints that he wants more. He also doesn’t want to just…pounce on Aaron, although he definitely feels like doing that sometimes if he’s being completely honest. He’s trying to be patient, to give Aaron time to catch up.

But he’s also horny as hell.

Even when he’s apart from Aaron, like he is now, studying in the library, his mind can’t seem to focus on anything but Aaron. He’s been in this strange state of bliss and growing frustration the whole week, so distracted by it that when he got his paper back from his professor with the note “besides the strange typo of every ‘as’ being turned to ‘ass’ your paper was incredible’, Alex couldn’t even be angry with Jefferson.

All of his thoughts are on Aaron.

“Are you even studying?”

Alex looks up at the question, meeting Eliza’s amused expression. He scowls. “Yes. Or, sort of.” Alex taps his pen against the table, and he shrugs. “I’m just not feelin it today.”

“Me either.” Eliza shuts her book and rests her chin in her hands, grinning at him. “So, everything seems really great between you and Aaron.”

Alex raises his eyebrows. “Are we gossiping?” He shuts his own textbook when Eliza nods, scooting his chair closer to the table. “Everything is good, really good. Like, things are better than they ever have been between us.”

“I’m glad you two talked things out.”

Alex smiles at her. “Yeah, well, you and Theodosia gave me some pretty good advice. How are you two doing?”

Eliza’s smile widens. “Great, as usual. Theo actually managed to charm both my sisters completely. We’re just trying to spend as much time together before she graduates.” Eliza’s smile falters a little, and she sighs. “I tried to convince her to fail a class so she’d have to come back next year, but she didn’t seem to want to do that, strangely enough.”

Alex chuckles, but he kicks Eliza’s foot under the table. “Don’t worry. She’ll visit you every weekend. I’ll drive you down to wherever she is myself if I have to. I’m your guys’s number one supporter. I plan on making a shirt.”

Eliza laughs at that, covering her mouth when a couple people turn to glare at them. “I’m gonna tell Theo about that, and she’ll actually buy you a shirt. Or knit you a sweater.”

“She knits?”

“Obsessively. I have a closet crammed full of scarves.”

“Nice.” Alex continues to tap his pen on the table, and he bites at his lip as he thinks. “Hey. Can I ask you something that might be kind of weird but I totally don’t mean it in a weird way? I don’t really have anyone else to ask.”

“Of course!”

“So like…” Alex leans in and lowers his voice. “Me and Aaron haven’t…you know, we’ve like made out and stuff, but we haven’t done more, and I was just…I _want_ to do more. So how do I tell him I want to…”

“Have sex?” Eliza finishes, smiling when Alex hushes her. “That is what you’re asking, right?”

Alex nods. “I’m sorry if this is weird, I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it. I can’t ask Bellamy cause he could tell Aaron, and then I’d feel weird asking John, and you and me are friends so I just…thought I’d ask.”

Eliza pats his hand on the table. “It’s fine, Alex. I don’t mind. And I know this might be a lame answer, but all you have to do is tell him that you want to have sex.”

Alex hunches his shoulders. “I don’t like that answer.”

“Alex…”

“What if he says no?”

Eliza gives him a look. “Then you don’t have sex.”

“I know that! I don’t mean I want to pressure him, I would never do that! I just…what if he doesn’t want to with me specifically?”

“Alex, he’s your boyfriend. And he’s had sex before, right?”

Alex scowls, remembering Aaron’s thing with Jefferson at the beginning of the year. “Yeah.”

“Then I don’t see why he wouldn’t want to with you at some point. You just need to ask him and have a conversation about it and – "

“I just thought I’d let you two know that everyone can hear you.”

Alex and Eliza both jump at the voice, and they turn to see Madison standing at the edge of their table, staring at them. Alex glances around, and sure enough, a few people near them are throwing strange looks their way, and others are packing up their stuff.

Alex blushes, while Eliza simply shrugs a shoulder. “We’re just talking about sex,” she says. “We’re not being explicit. It’s not like I asked Alex to give me every detail of his sex life.”

“There’d be nothing to tell, anyway,” Alex mutters, and Madison rolls his eyes, but then he moves to sit in the chair next to Eliza, fixing Alex with a look.

“I already overheard everything, so I hope you don’t mind me contributing to the conversation.” He pauses and waits until Alex nods to continue. “Have you ever had sex?”

“I don't need to a reminder that I'm a twenty year old virgin.”

"Twenty?" Eliza asks, eyes narrowing. "I thought you were nineteen?"

"My birthday was in January," Alex answers with a shrug, and Eliza laughs. "What? Why is that funny?"

"You and Aaron are creepily similar. His was in February, and he didn't tell anyone either. We've never celebrated his birthday with him. Anyway," she continues before Alex can comment. "There's nothing wrong with being twenty and a virgin."

“Aaron probably doesn’t want to rush into it,” Madison adds. “Especially since the last time he did he ended up fucking with my boyfriend’s feelings more than anything.”

Alex bristles at that. “Hey, that wasn’t all his fault, he didn’t mean to – "

Madison waves a hand dismissively in the air, cutting off the rest of Alex’s words. “You know his version, I know Thomas’s. I had to deal with endless nights of Thomas being unhappy, so I have to be a little upset. Yet here I am giving you advice, so obviously I don’t hate Aaron.”

“You haven’t given me any advice.”

“I agree with what Eliza said,” Madison says, and Eliza grins. “Just bring it up. And I can definitely confirm from what Thomas has told me that Aaron likes sex. Apparently he’s very good at it, too.”

Alex groans. “Okay, okay, we don’t need to get into that.”

“Just remember condoms,” Eliza says.

“And lube.”

Alex covers his face with his hands, feeling it heat up. “Okay, guys, I get it. I don’t need the safe sex talk.” He lowers his hands, biting at his lip again, eyes flicking between Madison and Eliza. “Where do you by condoms and lube?”

Madison chuckles, and Eliza tries to hide her smile, but Alex still sees it, and he ducks his head in embarrassment.

“Alex,” Eliza starts, her voice gentle. “I can go with you to get some. I need to pick up some stuff anyway. James, you want to come?”

Madison shrugs before Alex can voice how weird that is. “Why not? I need to pick up some Nyquil.”

And that’s how Alex ends up leaving a store about forty-five minutes later, a pack of condoms and a bottle of lube in his backpack. He’d made Madison go up to the cashier for him, shoving money into his hand and promising that he owes him one later. He thinks he saw Eliza recording the conversation on her phone, but she tossed her phone into her purse as soon as Alex turned to glare.

The three of them part ways after that, Alex heading to Aaron’s dorm. He’d gotten a text from Aaron asking if he wants to go out tonight, and Alex had said yes, hoping that they can have the sex talk as soon as possible. Hopefully they’ll go to a venue where it’s appropriate to have that conversation, although Alex isn’t sure what that venue would be.

They can’t really have it during a movie. Maybe over dinner would be good. Or he could just ask Aaron before they go out to talk. Yeah. That sounds good. He’ll do that. He’ll just tell Aaron they need to talk and lay everything out on the table.

He can do that.

\------

Alex knocks on Aaron’s door, rubbing the palms of his hands against his jeans to ensure that they aren’t sweaty. He’s still in the middle of giving himself a silent pep talk when the door swings open, Aaron standing there and looking so fucking good that Alex almost hates him.

“Hey,” Aaron says, as if he has no idea the affect he has on Alex. He just smiles and keeps standing there, looking so _good_. “I figured we could go out to eat and then – "

Alex surges forward, throwing his arms around Aaron’s neck and kissing him hard on the mouth.

And Aaron stumbles back slightly, making a surprised noise. But he doesn’t pull away. Instead Alex feels his hands rest low on his hips, leaning into the kiss, and a rush of heat flows through Alex.

He angles his head to deepen the kiss, shivering when Aaron’s lips part beneath his, making the kiss wetter, the slide of their lips becoming slick and fast. Alex tightens his grip around Aaron, trying to pull him closer, wanting to feel him pressing against his body. But Aaron’s hands stay where they are, and Alex wonders why he isn’t moving them when he suddenly realizes he still has his backpack on.

Alex pulls away quickly, his face flushing from arousal and embarrassment as he slides his backpack off, letting it drop to the floor with a thump. Then he stares at Aaron, taking in his dumbstruck expression with a hint of smugness.

“Hey,” Alex finally says back, then he’s moving back in, the need to kiss Aaron as much as possible overwhelming him.

This time Aaron’s hands slide up his back, holding Alex close to him, and Alex hums out his appreciation. The kiss quickly becomes frantic, making Alex feel dizzy, and he opens his eyes in surprise when he feels Aaron walk them both forward one of his hands leaving Alex’s back. Then Alex hears the door slam shut, and next thing he knows, Aaron is crowding him against the back of the door.

Alex gasps against Aaron’s mouth when Aaron’s hands slip under his shirt, his palms cool against Alex’s skin. He feels Aaron’s tongue dip into his mouth, tracing over his lips for a moment before brushing against his own tongue.

Alex repeats the motion himself, licking slowly into Aaron’s mouth, moaning when Aaron’s teeth graze over his tongue. He pulls away to catch his breath, but Aaron follows, still kissing him, and then he’s taking Alex’s lower lip between his teeth, tugging gently before finally moving away, letting Alex breathe.

They meet each other’s gaze, and Alex swallows thickly; Aaron’s eyes are dark and still slightly surprised, but there’s a heat behind them as well, and Alex is sure that he looks the same, if not even more disheveled.

“Hey,” Aaron says again, laughing a little. He moves his hands out from Alex’s shirt and puts them back on his hips. “That was a nice greeting.”

Alex moves his hands to nudge at Aaron’s chest, but he smiles, too. “Well, when you open the door like that…”

“Like what?”

“Like you did.”

“Alexander. I just opened the door. Fully clothed and everything, there was nothing seductive about it.”

“You’re very seductive,” Alex grumbles, blushing even more when Aaron smiles at him, looking pleased.

Alex reaches for him, tangling his fingers in the front of Aaron’s shirt and tugging him in, capturing his mouth in another kiss. This one is slow, but Alex can feel his toes curling in his shoes anyway, and all he can think about is getting more. More kisses, more of Aaron touching him, just _more_.

“Alexander,” Aaron breathes, pulling back. “What are you – "

“I want to have sex.”

Aaron blinks at him, mouth opening, but no sound comes out, and Alex stares, a pit of humiliation settling in his stomach. He shouldn’t have said that. He should have just given Aaron time or not brought it up ever or –

“Stop thinking what you’re thinking,” Aaron tells him, finally speaking. But his face is still clearly working through something that has Alex freaking out. “Alexander, I – “

“I didn’t mean that,” Alex says in a rush, letting his hands drop, wishing he could sink back into the wall. “Really, that was just…just hormones or whatever. We don’t need to have sex. I get it if you don’t want to have sex with me like obviously that’s – “

“Alexander.” Aaron cups his face, expression sobering a little. “Hey, I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t say anything,” Alex tells him weakly, but his heart starts to beat at a normal pace again.

“I’m processing.” Aaron lets out a soft laugh. “You’re too fast for me sometimes, okay? You just…you surprise me, you drop these bombshells and – “

“Sorry,” Alex cuts in, ducking his head, but Aaron immediately raises it again.

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m just saying, for the future, maybe we talk about big things together before deciding to put them into action.”

Alex nods. He can do that. He can start doing that right now. “Okay. So…do you want to have sex?”

Aaron sighs, leaning in to rest his forehead against Alex’s for a few seconds before pulling back. He takes Alex’s hands in his and tugs. “Come sit with me.” He leads them both over to the bed, sitting there and waiting till Alex sits beside him to continue. “I do want to.”

“Really?”

Aaron laughs, looking up from his hands to glance at Alex. “Yes.”

Alex smiles back. “Cool.”

And Aaron just snorts, looking back down at his hands. Alex watches as he takes a deep breath, having to bite his tongue to keep from interrupting. “It’s just that, uh, the last time I had a sexual relationship with someone it got messy, and I don’t want that to happen.”

“With Jefferson?”

Aaron nods. “I was only in it for the sex. I didn’t think about anything else. More than that, I didn’t think Thomas was thinking of anything else. Obviously things with us are different, but…” Aaron trails off there, and Alex sees him swallow.

“Aaron,” he starts after a few seconds. “I’ve had the biggest crush on you for months and I mean, well, that thing I said when we made up, that I, you know, that thing you need time to catch up on? Yeah, well, I said it, and I meant it.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “I’m not interested in just sex. I mean, I’m interested in sex, but also you! Sex with you, but also just you. Just you is good.”

“How flattering.”

“You’re welcome. And I mean – “ Alex pauses to take a deep breath. “It’s not just about sex for you, right? I mean with me? Cause we’re dating and – “

“It’s not just about sex for me,” Aaron says firmly, looking back at him. “Just you is good for me, too.” He smiles, leaning in for a kiss, letting it linger for a few moments. “But sex with you also sounds really good.”

“Yeah?” Alex asks, smiling when Aaron leans in to press a kiss to his jaw. Then he feels Aaron’s lips sliding down to his neck, and he inhales sharply when teeth scrape gently over his skin. “Aaron…” Alex gasps when Aaron starts to suck, and he angles his head to give him more room. “Are we…”

“Do you want to?” Aaron murmurs against his neck, hand reaching over to rest on Alex’s thigh.

“I think that’s been established,” Alex says back. He takes in shaky breath. “Do you?” He feels Aaron smile against his neck, lips pressing there again.

Then his hand takes Alex’s, guiding it to Aaron’s own thigh and sliding it up until his palm is pressing over the front of his pants, and Alex’s face heats up when he feels Aaron’s erection underneath his hand.

“I want to,” Aaron breathes out, his breath tickling Alex’s skin. Then he’s moving his head, looking Alex in the eyes.

They both stare, and Alex swears the room is suddenly ten degrees warmer; he can already feel his skin burning. He turns slowly on the mattress, giving himself a better angle. He closes the small distance between them to press his lips to Aaron’s, kissing him softly.

It’s slow for a moment, but then Alex rubs his palm over Aaron through his jeans, a thrill running through him when Aaron makes a quiet noise against Alex’s mouth, his hand moving to cup Alex’s face.

Then they’re kissing like they were when Alex first came in, fast and desperate, mouths open against each other.

Alex moves his other hand to rest on the mattress, holding his weight up as he kisses Aaron harder, letting out a soft noise as Aaron slides his hand to the back of Alex’s neck, the other going to his knee, squeezing before moving up to palm at Alex’s own erection that’s straining against his jeans.

“Oh,” Alex gasps, keeping his eyes closed as Aaron continues to move his hand, stroking Alex as best he can over the fabric.

Alex starts to breathe a little heavier when Aaron’s lips go back to his neck, tongue trailing over the underside of Alex’s jaw before he starts to kiss the spot right below his ear. Then Aaron’s hand slides up to the hem of his t-shirt.

“Want to take this off?” Aaron asks, tugging at the material, laughing when Alex scrambles to move so he can throw his shirt off, not even looking to see where it lands.

He has a brief moment of embarrassment, almost crossing his arms to cover himself up, but Aaron kisses him, hands sliding down Alex’s arms, that simple gesture calming his nerves enough to kiss Aaron back. “I, uh.” Alex pulls back and clears his throat. “I brought condoms and lube,” he manages to say, a blush spreading across his cheeks at the words.

Aaron blinks at him, and then he grins. “You’ve just been carrying condoms and lube in your backpack?”

Alex shoves at him. “Not like, all week!" There's no way he's admitting that he had Madison buy them and Eliza come along for support. "I just…you know, wanted to be ready. Shut up.”

Aaron’s smile widens for a moment, but then he presses his forehead against Alex’s. “That’s very responsible of you.” He presses a kiss to his cheek before standing up and going over to Alex’s backpack, which is still on the ground by the door.

Alex scoots back further on the mattress, watching as Aaron bends down. “Front pocket,” he says, smiling when Aaron grabs the condoms and lube and waves them in his direction. He feels his stomach flutter when Aaron sets them both on his desk beside the bed.

Then Aaron is taking off his shirt, and Alex focuses all of his attention on the newly exposed skin. Aaron is definitely more muscled than him, probably goes to the gym. Alex hates the gym. As Alex lets his gaze roam appreciatively over Aaron, he sees his hands drop to the front of his pants, undoing the button and tugging the zipper down.

Alex swallows thickly as Aaron pushes his pants down, stepping out of them and standing there in front of him in nothing but his boxers.

“Shit,” Alex mutters, feeling his heart speed up. His hands fly to the front of his pants, overwhelmed by the sudden desire to feel as much of Aaron’s bare skin against his own as he can. He’s got the zipper halfway down when he realizes he’s still wearing his shoes.

Aaron chuckles, stepping forward and taking one of Alex’s feet, unlacing the shoe before tugging it off and doing the same with the other. Then he’s helping Alex get out of his jeans, tossing them on the floor.

Alex reaches out for Aaron, letting his hands rest on his shoulders, feeling the skin there before grabbing at his biceps and tugging, pulling him onto the bed as he lays back, feeling his breath catch when Aaron crawls over him, legs straddling his waist.

Aaron traces his fingers over Alex’s collarbone, the sensation making Alex shiver. Then Aaron’s hands shift lower, smoothing down his chest, thumbs brushing over Alex’s nipples and making Alex jump at the feeling. Aaron’s hands only stop once they meet Alex’s boxers. Alex feels himself tense, and Aaron’s hands go to his hips, squeezing.

“As slow as you want,” Aaron tells him, and Alex nods. “Just tell me what you want, okay?”

“Kiss me,” Alex says, knowing he wants that, and Aaron smiles, bending down to connect their mouths.

Aaron’s tongue swipes over his lips, and Alex parts them immediately, hands coming to rest on Aaron’s back, feeling the smooth skin beneath his palms and loving every second of it as Aaron licks slowly into his mouth.

Alex gets lost in a haze of kissing, their lips moving effortlessly against each other, Aaron’s weight on top of him making Alex feel grounded and warm. Somehow they end up with Aaron’s forearms bracketing Alex’s head, his hips now slotted between Alex’s spread legs, grinding down occasionally.

Alex’s hands slip down gradually, pausing for a moment at Aaron’s lower back before moving down further, cupping his ass. And Aaron breaks the kiss, breath warm over Alex’s lips as he thrusts his hips down, eyes flicking to Alex’s when his breath hitches.

“You’re getting handsy,” Aaron murmurs, nipping at Alex’s lip. “Everything good?”

“More than good.” Alex squeezes with his hands, snorting when Aaron’s hips jerk forward, and then they’re both laughing against each other’s mouths, Alex’s laugh turning into a gasp when Aaron bends his head to bite at his neck, starting to suck what Alex thinks must be a third hickey onto his skin. “Fuck, that’s good.”

Aaron hums, rocking against Alex with faster movements, tongue soothing over the new bruise on Alex’s neck.

And Alex feels like he’s vibrating, the feeling of their cocks brushing over one another through the fabric of their boxers making him dizzy. It feels so good. He didn’t think it would feel this good. There’s a tingling starting low in his stomach, and he knows he isn’t going to last as long as he wants to.

“Can we…” Alex has to pause and swallow, his voice coming out hoarse. “Can we flip?” He asks. “I want to…to touch you.” Not to mention that he's pretty damn close to coming already.

“Pretty sure you’re touching me right now.”

“More of you,” Alex says, moving his hands to the hem of Aaron’s boxers to emphasize his point. He barely has time to blink before Aaron is pushing himself up and off of Alex, maneuvering them both until Alex is the one hovering over him.

“Go for it.”

Alex swallows again, situating himself on Aaron’s thighs and looking down at the smooth expanse of skin in front of him. He leans forward, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips before kissing his jaw, then moving down to his neck, peppering a few kisses there. He wants to linger, wants to give attention to every part of Aaron, but his pulse and mind are racing, and he can’t seem to slow down.

Next time he’ll go slow.

Alex lets his lips slide down to Aaron’s collarbone, kissing the skin before nipping at it. Aaron jerks beneath him, hissing, and Alex pulls away, face flushing. “Did I hurt you?”

Aaron shakes his head. “No. Just not as hard.” He raises a hand and cups Alex’s cheek, smiling. “You’re cute when you blush.”

Alex pouts, blush deepening, and Aaron laughs. But Alex ignores him, bending back down and kissing Aaron’s collarbone gently in apology before continuing on his path, hesitating for a brief moment when he reaches a nipple. But then he places a kiss there, too, smiling when Aaron moans. He kisses the other, letting his tongue dart out, and then he trails kisses down the rest of Aaron’s stomach.

His nose brushes over the trail of hair beneath Aaron’s belly button, and then he stops, breathing in and out slowly. He can see the outline Aaron’s cock underneath his boxers, the fabric tenting. He can’t believe this is actually happening.

Alex looks up and meet’s Aaron’s eyes. “I’ve never been this close to someone else’s dick before.”

And Aaron laughs, body shaking, and Alex glances appreciatively at his stomach muscles before moving his eyes back down. He puts his hands on Aaron’s hips, hooking his fingers under his boxers and pulling. He tries to say thank you when Aaron lifts his hips to help, but all of Alex’s attention is fixed on the new skin being revealed.

He places his hands on Aaron’s thighs, steadying himself as he moves to kneel between Aaron’s legs. His cock is longer than Alex’s, but about the same width, and he thinks he sees it twitch when he lightly scratches his nails down Aaron’s thighs.

He knows Aaron is watching him, waiting for him to do something, but Alex is suddenly hit by the fact that Aaron has done this before, probably has expectations. Alex on the other hand has zero experience. What if he’s bad at sex? What if he –

Aaron shifts on the bed, sitting up and taking Alex’s hands. “Alexander, you don’t have to – “

“I want to,” Alex cuts in immediately, staring at Aaron with determination. “I’m just not…you know, I’ve never…I don’t really know what to…”

Aaron cuts him off with a firm kiss and squeezes his hands. Then he’s backing up, stopping once his back is against the headboard. He tugs Alex forward, settling him on his lap. “You don’t need to prove anything. Just…whatever you want to do, it’ll be good, okay?”

Alex nods, biting at his lips as he lets his eyes drift back down to Aaron’s cock resting against his stomach. “Can I jerk you off?”

Aaron chuckles, hands coming to rest on Alex’s hips. “I’m not going to say no to that.”

Alex lets out a short breathless laugh, willing his hands not to shake as he smoothes them down Aaron’s chest again. He pauses, wondering if he needs to lube to make it more comfortable or something, but then Aaron is taking his hand again.

Alex watches as Aaron raises it to his mouth, confused for a moment, but then Aaron is licking over his palm, and Alex’s breath stutters.

“Oh,” he murmurs, jaw dropping slightly when Aaron slips one finger into his mouth, sucking.

He knows he’s gawking, but Alex doesn’t care, especially not when Aaron put another finger in his mouth, tongue sliding over the digits. He holds Alex’s gaze as he sucks harder, cheeks hollowing, and Alex squirms in his lap, bringing his hand down to squeeze himself through his boxers.

“Aaron,” Alex moans, squirming again, and Aaron lets his fingers slip from his mouth, smiling far too smugly. “Shut up,” Alex tells him, bringing that hand down to wrap around Aaron’s cock, smiling himself when Aaron gasps at the contact.

Alex peers down, liking the way his hand looks on Aaron’s cock. He squeezes gently, watching as bead of pre-come appears at the tip. Alex swipes his thumb over the head, noting the way Aaron’s hips jerk at that, and then he starts to pump his hand slowly, transfixed at the sight.

“Feels good,” Aaron tells him softly, leaning in to mouth at Alex’s neck, one hand coming to rest on his lower back. “Alexander…” He pants against his neck when Alex speeds up his hand, hips starting to thrust up into his hand. “Don’t stop.”

Alex can’t help but laugh at that, squeezing on an upstroke. “I have no intention of stopping,” he says, speeding up his motions even more, thumbing over the head of Aaron’s cock again, loving the small noises that are starting to escape from Aaron’s lips. “God…” He could do this all night. Maybe one night he will.

Aaron moans, teeth scraping over Alex's neck again. “Faster, Alexander, just…fuck.” Aaron pulls his head away from Alex’s neck, tilting it back so they’re looking at each other, his lips parted as he breathes heavily.

Alex jerks his cock faster, his other hand dipping lower, squeezing his balls gently and watching as Aaron groans, eyes squeezing shut. “You’re so hot,” Alex blurts out, meaning every word.

And Aaron lets out a short laugh, but then he’s inhaling sharply as Alexander's hand continues to move. “I’m gonna come,” he says, and Alex bites at his lip, watching Aaron’s stomach muscles clench as he tries to move his hand even faster “Alexander, I – “ The rest of his words get cut off with a moan, Aaron’s hips thrusting up once more into Alex’s hand before his whole body stiffens. And Alex feels his cock pulse under his hand, and then Aaron is coming, ropes of white spilling over Alex’s hand and onto Aaron’s stomach.

Alex strokes him through it, eyes darting between Aaron’s cock and Aaron’s face, wanting to remember every moment of this. But then Aaron’s hand is nudging Alex’s away, his chest heaving as he opens his eyes.

“Was that good?” Alex asks, needing to know.

“Yeah,” Aaron tells him through a laugh, reaching out to brush some of Alex’s hair out of his face. “More than good.”

Alex beams at that, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s neck and bringing him in for a kiss. And Aaron kisses him back for a few moments, but then he breaks the kiss and glances down, that simple action making Alex’s face heat up.

“Can I return the favor?” Aaron murmurs, smiling when Alex nods. “Switch spots with me.”

Alex follows the instructions, stomach fluttering with excitement and nerves as Aaron situates a pillow behind Alex’s back, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before reaching over for the box of condoms.

Alex watches nervously as he opens it, pulling one out before turning his attention back to Alex. And something must be happening on his face because Aaron pauses, and then leans in to kiss Alex on the cheek, sliding his mouth until its hovering over his ear.

“Can I blow you?”

Alex groans. “Fuck. _Yes_.”

He feels Aaron smile, then he’s focusing on the other side of Alex’s neck, nibbling and sucking and just driving Alex crazy. When he asks for more, for it to be harder, Aaron complies easily, biting at his neck and causing Alex to whimper.

Then Aaron starts to move down, trailing kisses down his chest and stomach, pausing to nip at his hipbones. Then he’s tugging at Alex’s boxers, and Alex holds his breath as the cooler air hits him. He exhales shakily when Aaron returns and wraps a hand around his length, moving his hand in long strokes.

The next few seconds are a haze of sensations that Alex gets lost in, but when he finally manages to focus again, Aaron is rolling the condom over his cock, situating himself on his hands and knees, bending down until his mouth is hovering over Alex.

“I…” Alex licks his lips. “I just need you to know that I’m going to come so fast.” He’s been on edge since they started, and there’s no way he’s going to last more than ten seconds with Aaron’s mouth on him.

Aaron grins at him, then he’s lowering his head and licking up the underside of his cock, making Alex grip the sheets on either side of him, a gasp already leaving him. Then Aaron’s lips are parting, and he takes Alex into his mouth.

Alex bites his lip so hard he thinks he tastes blood, but he can’t look away from Aaron as he slowly takes more of his cock into his mouth, tongue working against the underside in a practiced way that has Alex’s toes curling. Then Aaron sucks, cheeks hollowing, and Alex gasps loudly, having to remember not to thrust his hips up into the wetness of Aaron’s mouth. He manages to resist, and Aaron pops off of him, breathing in through his nose.

Before Alex can say anything, Aaron is back on him, bobbing his head faster and taking almost all of Alex’s cock into his mouth. And Alex is moaning, unable to keep the sounds in as Aaron continues. He reaches out, resting his shaking hands on Aaron’s shoulders, need to touch him, and that causes Aaron to hum around him.

“Fuck,” Alex groans, eyes squeezing shut for a moment, shuddering as Aaron gives a particularly hard suck, the resulting wet noise making Alex shudder. “Oh, god. Aaron. I’m already…I’m so close.”

Aaron pulls off again, taking in deep breaths. He makes eye contact as he sinks his mouth back over him, one of his hands coming up to grip the part of Alex’s cock not in his mouth, jerking him off in short movements.

Alex moves one of his hands back on the mattress, needing to steady himself. He can’t stop his hips from thrusting forward just a little, his entire body starting to burn up. He’s already opening his mouth to apologize, but Aaron just moves with him, sucking and then fucking _swallowing_ around him.

And Alex thrusts forward again, jaw dropping with a shuddering gasp as he shuts his eyes. “A-Aaron, I – _fuck_.” His orgasm races through him, and he comes into the condom with a drawn out moan, pleasure coursing through his veins as Aaron sucks him through it.

He still feels like he’s floating when Aaron pulls off, fingers rolling the condom off of Alex before his hands rest on his thighs, squeezing.

“You good?”

Alex hums, cracking his eyes back open to see Aaron staring at him, looking please. Alex snorts. “Don’t look so smug.” He rolls his eyes when Aaron just keeps smiling. “Or maybe you should. That was pretty great.”

Aaron chuckles, scooting closer and pressing a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “The feeling’s mutual.” He pulls away, eyes roaming over Alex before looking down at himself. “We should clean up. Then I’ll order pizza and we can just stay in. I don’t feel like going out anymore, unless you do?”

Alex shakes his head. “In sounds good. Pizza sounds even better.”

\------

Around half an hour later, Alex finds himself sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, dressed in a pair of Aaron’s sweatpants along with a clean shirt. He’s on his second piece of pizza and is in mid-argument with Aaron, who is sitting beside him while they watch Chopped on Aaron's laptop.

“I just want to know! I don’t get why you’re being so weird about it.”

“I am not telling you if you’re better at sex than Thomas,” Aaron says for the third time, his voice firm. “No matter what I say, it’s going to bite me in the ass.”

“I’ll bite you in the ass if you’re into that,” Alex says, smirking when Aaron chokes on his bite of pizza. “What? Jefferson never ate you out?”

Aaron manages to swallow, a hand on his chest. Then he looks at Alex, exasperation clear on his face. “Stop worrying about what I did and did not do with Thomas.” He sighs, a smile tugging at his lips. “All you need to know is that I’d rather be having sex with you, okay?”

“Aw,” Alex says. “You’re such a smooth talker. But be honest, Jefferson never ate you out? Cause I would totally be interested in trying that. We should probably go get tested so we can start doing more.”

Aaron groans, but Alex can still see the smile playing across his lips, so he kisses his shoulder, shifting so he’s on his back, resting his head in Aaron’s lap. “I think I’m really gonna like sex.”

Aaron chuckles, his hand coming up to run through Alex’s hair. “I’m glad.”

Alex sighs contentedly, feeling completely loose and relaxed for the first time in a long time. “Hey.” He tilts his chin back to catch Aaron’s eye. “I’m really happy.”

Aaron blinks down at him. “I’m glad,” he says again, voice soft. “I am, too.”

Alex grins. “So can I make this Facebook official?”

“That we had sex?”

“No! That we’re dating.”

“Oh.” Aaron looks back at his laptop. “I thought we already were, when Eliza made that post.”

Alex shakes his head. “Nope. She just tagged us. We aren’t Facebook official. I think we should change that.” He reaches for his phone. “Is that cool?”

“Go crazy.”

Alex pulls up his account, going to personal info and quickly scrolling to the relationship option. He adds Aaron’s name to it, putting the caption ‘finally making it official’ along with a winky face. “There. We are now in a relationship.”

“Glad that’s finally cleared up. I had no idea before.”

Alex pokes Aaron in the stomach. “Your profile is so lame,” he says, now on Aaron’s page. “You have like ten friends and no posts.”

Aaron shrugs. “I never got into it. Be glad I even have one. Sally isn’t on any social media.”

Alex hums, not really paying attention as he goes through all of Aaron’s info. His eyes stop on the date of his birthday, suddenly remember what Eliza had mentioned earlier.

“Hey.” He moves back into a sitting position. “How come you didn’t tell me about your birthday? It was in February.”

Aaron shrugs, taking another bite of pizza. “I don’t really celebrate my birthday. They weren’t that fun growing up. Usually just me and Bellamy going to some restaurant and ordering dessert.”

“That sounds fun.”

“Yeah.” Aaron shrugs again, then he peers over at Alex. “Don’t act like I’m the only one. I know your birthday was in January.”

Alex pouts. “Well I don’t like celebrating mine either.”

Aaron snorts, turning his attention back to the show, and Alex lies back down, putting his head in Aaron’s lap again. “We should celebrate them next year.”

Aaron peers down at him, silent for a few moments. Then he nods. “Sure.” His hand returns to Alex’s hair, fingers massaging his scalp, causing Alex to hum, eyes slipping closed. He yawns, and Aaron chuckles. “If you fall asleep, I’m not gonna be able to pull you onto the bed.”

“Mean.”

“Seriously, I’ll leave you on the floor.”

“I won’t fall asleep,” Alex mutters.

But he does.

And when he wakes up some time later, still on the ground, the room is dark and there’s a pillow under his head and something warm against his back.

Alex turns, blinking in the darkness, smiling when he makes out Aaron beside him, fast asleep. He snuggles closer, finding it hard to believe that he has these kinds of nights to look forward to every night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. For those of you who came straight here, basically all you need to know is that 1. When Jefferson edited Alex's paper he changed every 'as' to 'ass' just to mess with him. 2. Eliza and Madison give Alex sex advice 3. Aaron wasn't rushing the sexual part of their relationship cause he was worried about messing things up like he did with Jefferson 4. Alex and Aaron have sex 5. They cuddle and talk after, Alex makes their relationship facebook official and Aaron makes a comment about Sally not having any social media.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I managed to get this out on time but I DID so I hope you enjoy it. A lot goes on.
> 
> Warning for Aaron's uncle being a jerk.

 

When Aaron blinks himself awake, the first thing he sees is Alexander.

He’s still sleeping, hair falling across his face, cheek smushed up against the pillow, jaw hanging open as he breathes in and out. It’s not an attractive sight, per say, but it’s the sight Aaron has been waking up to for the past two weeks.

And he loves it.

Alexander has been spending most nights at Aaron’s. He’s half-moved in with a portion of the closet belonging to him now. He even keeps an extra blanket in the room, claiming that Aaron’s room is too cold. And Aaron often finds himself accidentally pulling on one of Alexander’s shirts or using his body wash, which he also keeps in Aaron’s room, and his grocery list of snacks has grown extensively.

But Aaron doesn’t mind.

He likes it. Likes having someone to talk to and spend time with. Likes that that someone is Alexander. Things have been nice, more than nice, and Aaron doesn’t remember the last time he felt so at ease.

The sex helps, too, of course, but it’s more than that.

Aaron reaches a hand out, slowly moving strands of hair off of Alexander’s face, smiling when he mumbles something under his breath, brow furrowing.

Aaron lets his fingers trail over Alexander’s jaw, moving down to his neck and ghosting his fingertips over one of the bruises he’d sucked onto Alexander’s skin the night before, the others hidden beneath the blanket, scattered across the insides of Alexander’s thighs.

Alexander shifts when Aaron runs his hand down his arm, muttering more words under his breath as he scoots a little closer towards Aaron, still asleep. And Aaron keeps smiling, wondering how all of this even happened.

It had all been so fast for him, the realization that he liked Alexander. It had sprung on him so suddenly. And then when Alexander said he was in love with Aaron, it literally felt like something crashed into him, throwing him off balance. Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that made him realize how little he’d been paying attention to the people around him.

And he wants to do better. He’s trying to notice things.

“What time is it?”

Aaron jumps at Alexander’s mumbled question, having momentarily spaced out. He stretches for his phone. “Almost eight.”

Alexander groans. “I have class at nine.” He burrows further into Aaron, burying his face into his neck. “How about I just don’t go? That sounds good. I’ll just skip it. Get notes from somebody.”

“You’ll go crazy if you do that,” Aaron tells him, chuckling when Alexander just groans again. “If you get up now I can take you to breakfast.”

“You don’t have class till ten.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“You could sleep for a whole hour more.”

Aaron hums, shifting to press a kiss to Alexander’s head. “Good point. I retract my offer.”

“Mean,” Alexander mumbles, but then he’s pushing himself up with a sigh, taking his warmth with him as he stands up, stretching and yawning. “Not that I don’t love having sex, but wow, I’m tired. Maybe we limit it to weekends or days I don’t have nine am classes.”

Aaron snorts. “Yeah, let’s see how long you can last.”

“Don’t be so smug,” Alexander shoots back, but Aaron can see him smiling. He walks over to the closet, rummaging around until he finds what he’s looking for. “Since you’re being a lazy shit this morning, can we get lunch together?”

Aaron nods. “That’s fine. I promised Maria I’d go over and see her later today, though. She wants to make me dinner.”

“Am I included?”

“Probably. She assumes we’re a packaged deal now.”

Alexander glances back at him after he throws a sweater on, grinning. “I like that.”

“It’s okay.”

Alexander scoffs, coming back over to the bed, bending down to press a quick kiss to Aaron’s lips. “You sure you don’t want to get breakfast?”

“I’m still gonna pass,” Aaron tells him, feeling sleep starting to crawl back over him. He reaches out to tug at Alexander’s sweater, recognizing it. “Hey. This is mine.”

“I know.” Alexander kisses him again before pulling back, moving to grab his backpack off the ground. “Text me when you’re done with class,” he says as he walks over to Aaron’s desk, grabbing a granola bar. “And I’m taking your last weird healthy snack bar thing.”

Aaron rolls his eyes as Alexander leaves, the door closing behind him. But then he smiles as he tugs the blankets back over him, snuggling down into the mattress and rolling over onto Alexander’s vacated spot. He’s comfortable. Happy.

He feels like he finally has a home.

-

They walk to Maria’s together around six, Alexander babbling on about something that Aaron nods along to, not really paying attention. In his defense, it can be hard to keep up with Alexander, and he likes to go through each detail of his day.

Aaron’s knock on the apartment door cuts Alexander off, and both of them stare as Theodosia opens it, smiling at both of them. “Hey!”

“Were you invited to the fancy dinner, too?” Alexander asks as they both walk in.

“Yep! Me and Eliza, but Eliza couldn’t make it. Angelica volunteered to come in her place. More for the food than the company, I think.” Theodosia shrugs. “I also think she likes me and wants to hang out with her sister’s cool girlfriend.”

“Don’t get a big head!” Angelica shouts from inside, and Theodosia laughs, walking with both of them out into the living room, where Angelica and Maria are waiting, bowls of pasta in their laps.

“Pasta is over there,” Maria says in greeting, waving her hand in the direction of the kitchen area. “We were gonna eat at the table and have wine but I got too lazy so now we are bumming it out over here. But don’t spill anything, Herc will kill you.”

Aaron and Alexander share a look before grabbing a bowl of their own, joining the rest of their friends on the ground.

“I haven’t seen you in years,” Maria comments as Aaron sits down.

“Don’t be dramatic. I saw you Monday.”

“And today is Friday.” Maria narrows her eyes at Alexander. “You’re hogging him.”

Alexander shrugs. “I’d say sorry, but…”

“They’re still in the honeymoon phase,” Angelica says. “Just wait a month or two. Aaron will be escaping over here all the time.”

“Hey,” Alexander comments, sounding upset. “How do you know it won’t be _me_ escaping here?”

“Cause you’re way more annoying.”

“What are you doing for spring break?” Theodosia asks before Alexander can respond, which Aaron is grateful for.

Aaron shrugs a shoulder, remembering the phone call he’d gotten a few days ago. “Going home. My uncle wants to see me.”

It had been a short conversation, his uncle telling him more than asking for him to come home. Aaron had barely been able to get a word in. So he doesn’t really have a choice, even though he’d much rather stay on campus.

“You’re going home?” Alexander asks, looking a little offended for some reason. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Uh oh,” Angelica murmurs, and Maria snickers.

But Aaron just shrugs again. “I didn’t want to think about it.” He shifts under Alexander’s gaze. “Sorry,” he says, realizing his mistake and what Alexander must think. “I wasn’t keeping it from you. I just didn’t want to think about it and then I forgot.”

An uncomfortable silence falls, but then Theodosia clears her throat. “Well, what are your plans for break, Alex?”

Now Alexander is the one who shrugs, glancing down at the floor, a frown on his face. “I figured I would just do whatever Aaron did.”

Everyone turns to look at Aaron. Everyone except Alexander.

“Oh.” Aaron stares at Alexander, guilt crawling over his skin. “Sorry,” he says again. “I didn’t plan to go home. It’s only for a week.”

Alexander looks up at him at that. “Can I come?”

“What?”

Alexander’s face takes on an expression of determination, which is never good. “I want to come.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I just invited myself, so I think I do.”

Aaron blinks at him a few times, trying to let all of this information process in his mind. Why would Alexander want to come? He’s made it clear that his uncle isn’t exactly a fun person to be around, and that things are always tense when Aaron goes home, especially lately.

“But…” Aaron trails off for a moment. “Why? I don’t even want to go. It won’t be fun.”

Alexander grins at that. “Sure it will. I’ll be there.”

“Alexander, I – “

“Aaron.” Alexander interrupts him quickly, rolling his eyes and looking frustrated. “Does it really sound that bad? Am I awful company? At least think about it.”

Aaron opens his mouth to respond, to say no, but then he pauses, considering everything.

Maybe it would be nice if Alexander was there. It would make the week go faster, and his uncle would be on his best behavior if Aaron has a guest. Also a week kind of is a long time to be apart.

“I’ll call my uncle tonight,” Aaron finally says, and Alexander’s face lights up immediately.

“Wow,” Angelica says. “I’ve never seen Aaron cave so easily.”

Aaron glares at her, ignoring Alexander’s snort. “Shut up.”

“Can you blame him?” Alexander asks, gesturing at himself. “I mean, look at me, how could you say no to this?”

“You’re just lucky Aaron is a pushover,” Maria retorts, throwing a wink in Aaron’s direction.

Now Aaron rolls his eyes. “How about we move on to another topic?” He frowns when Alexander gives him a pouty face, but doesn’t push him away when Alexander scoots closer and throws an arm around Aaron’s shoulders.

“Of course, dear.” He presses a loud kiss to Aaron’s cheek, laughing when Aaron crinkles his nose. “Maria, any news on your mystery girl?”

Maria sighs long and heavy, a wistful expression flowing over her face. “No. She hasn’t come back. We’re now star-crossed lovers.”

“I thought you didn’t even know her name?” Theodosia says, taking a bite of her food. “How are you lovers?”

“We’re lovers in my mind.”

Angelica laughs. “Kinky.”

Aaron cracks a smile at that, turning to look at Alexander when he gives him a small squeeze.

“I didn’t mean to trick you into inviting me,” he murmurs as their friends continue to talk. “If it’s going to be a difficult I don’t have to come.”

Aaron shakes his head. “No, I want you to come. It’s going to be difficult no matter what.” He gives Alexander a small smile. “You being there will help.”

Alexander grins. “Can I get that in writing?”

Aaron shoves at him, smiling when Alexander laughs and pulls him back in.

“You guys are cute, but please don’t start making out,” Angelica says, and Aaron turns to see them all staring at them.

He smirks at Angelica before turning back to Alexander, tugging him into a kiss. He smiles at the surprised sound Alexander makes against his mouth, and then pulls away, opening his eyes to take in the blush spreading across Alexander’s cheeks.

He loves making Alexander blush.

"How can I resist this face?" Aaron teases, pinching Alexander's cheek and joining in the rest of the laughter as Alexander's face flushes a deeper red.

-

A few days later, Aaron finds himself climbing out of Bellamy’s car, bags in hand as Alexander gets out on the other side. Then Bellamy waves them off, Herc shouting from the passenger seat for them to call tomorrow to make plans to hang out. And then they’re driving away, leaving Aaron and Alexander standing in the driveway as Aaron’s house looms tall before them, as intimidating as ever.

“How long do you usually stand here before going to the door?” Alexander asks.

Aaron knows he means it as a joke, but he shrugs. “Depends. Just a few minutes, usually. My uncle would come out to get us eventually.” He gives himself a small shake and steps over to the door, Alexander trailing behind him.

Aaron takes a deep breath before raising his hand to knock. There’s a few seconds of silence that seem to drag on, teasing Aaron by giving him a last chance to turn around and change his mind. But then the door is opening, and Alexander’s hand slips into his.

“Aaron!” His uncle exclaims, giving a toothy smile. “And you must be Alexander?”

“Yes, sir.” Alexander extends his free hand, which his uncle shakes vigorously. “Thank you for letting me tag along and stay over break.”

“Of course, of course. I would have offered before, but I wasn’t sure of your plans. And then Aaron didn’t say anything, so I just assumed you were busy until Aaron called back with a change of plans. But that’s Aaron for you, not always thinking things through.”

Aaron manages a tight smile as his uncle laughs. He glances over at Alexander, who looks uncertain, but when he meets Aaron’s eyes he also throws a smile on his face. He squeezes Aaron’s hand.

His uncle gestures for them to come inside, directing them to place all of their things against the wall for now, saying that he’s already got dinner on the table and doesn’t want it to go cold as they unpack.

“I haven’t had a home cooked meal in months,” Alexander says as he takes a seat beside Aaron. “This looks great.”

His uncle waves the compliment aside. “It’s not a big deal. I’m sure you boys deserve it, after finishing up midterms for the semester.” He peers at Aaron, who immediately feels his chest constrict. “Midterms went well?”

“Yes,” Aaron says, dipping his head down into a nod as he takes a bite of food. He swallows slowly. “They were mostly papers. I haven’t gotten the grades back yet.”

“So you don’t know if they went well?”

Aaron chews more of his food, trying to give himself time to come up with a response that will appease his uncle, but then Alexander is shifting in his chair and taking over the conversation.

“Believe me, if anyone did well, it’s Aaron. He studies like crazy. People don’t even believe I have a boyfriend cause they never see me and Aaron together since he’s always locked away studying.”

Aaron almost rolls his eyes at the exaggeration, but his uncle chuckles, so he rolls with it. “You’re one to talk,” he says to Alexander. “You text me at four in the morning asking me to edit your papers.”

“Well I can’t trust Jefferson to do it again.”

“What are you studying, Alexander?” His uncle asks, interrupting them.

“I haven’t declared a major yet, but probably politics and law.”

“A good choice.” His uncle nods approvingly, and Aaron exhales slowly through his nose. Maybe this whole thing will turn out okay. Alexander is doing a good job so far. “And what’s your family like?”

Alexander fumbles with his fork, and he shoots Aaron a quick, panicked look.

“Uncle,” Aaron starts, “maybe we can – “

“I asked Alexander a question, not you, Aaron.”

Alexander clears his throat when Aaron stays silent. “I’m actually a foster kid. I’ve been with my foster family for about six years.” He takes a sip of water. “My mom worked jobs here and there when I was a kid, mostly customer service, but she was very good with people. Everyone always stopped by just to talk to her and hear a story or two.”

Aaron puts a hand on Alexander’s thigh under the table, smiling softly at him when he jumps at the contact. “She sounds like you.”

“Please,” Alexander snorts. “I wouldn’t be able to keep a customer service job for a day. I’m too feisty.”

“That’s one word for it,” Aaron jokes, but then his smile falters when his uncle gives him a disapproving look.

“And how did you find yourself at Princeton?” He asks, eyes back on Alexander, whose face has taken on a pink tinge. “I mean, does your foster family pay tuition? Are they wealthy?”

Aaron feels his own face burn at the questions, wishing that he could intervene, but his tongue suddenly feels heavy in his mouth. He takes a drink from his glass as Alexander splutters.

“I…well, I mean, they…they pay for some, but I…I’m on a scholarship, so…”

“Ah.” His uncle gives him a thin smile. “I see.”

The conversation lessens after that, the occasional question popping up here and there, but for the most part it’s silent, tension in the air as Aaron focuses on staring only at his plate despite feeling both his uncle and Alexander glancing at him now and then. He just needs to get through dinner, then him and Alexander can escape into his room. He can make it.

“Well,” his uncle says after a while, putting his napkin onto the table and standing up. “I’m afraid I need to go into the office for a few hours.”

Aaron looks up at that. “The office?” So he’s going to work? He still has a job?

“Yes, that is what I said, Aaron.”

“What do you have to work on?” Aaron probes, needing more details, hoping for some kind of description that will prove Sally wrong.

“This and that, I won’t bore you.” His uncle smiles at them both, dodging the question. “I’ll be back late so don’t bother waiting up or anything like that. I probably won’t be here when you wake up either. Things are very busy.”

“What things?” Aaron asks, hoping to get a straight answer this time. He just needs to know that his uncle is still working, that Sally was misinformed about him getting fired, about him needing money, about him tricking them, about all of it.

“I told you, it’s very dull.”

Aaron stands up as his uncle starts to walk towards the door. “But – “

“Aaron,” his uncle snaps, and Aaron shuts his mouth immediately, looking down at the ground. “I won’t tolerate arguing, even if we do have a guest. Now, I’ll see you both later. Clean up the dishes, Aaron.”

Aaron keeps his eyes on the ground as his uncle walks towards the door, flinching when the sound of it slamming reaches him moments later. He stands still after that, mind racing as he thinks.

“What are you thinking?” Alexander asks as he stands up, voice soft.

Aaron takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “I’m thinking that my uncle has been lying to me for months. I’m thinking that Sally was right. And I’m thinking that I’m an idiot.”

Alexander gives him a sympathetic look, then he’s walking over and wrapping his arms around Aaron’s waist. “Well I definitely disagree with one of those.” He rests his cheek against Aaron’s shoulder. “You’re not an idiot.”

Aaron sighs, putting one arm around Alexander. “He’s not working.” Everything Sally said was true. And Aaron had just yelled at her. He’d messed it all up. “I should have noticed.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. You’re nineteen, Aaron. You should be focusing on being in college and your amazing boyfriend. The last thing you should be worrying about is whether or not your asshole of an uncle has a job.”

“I guess.” Aaron sighs again, dipping his head down to press a kiss to Alexander’s hair. “I don’t know. If I’d noticed I wouldn’t have fought with Sally. If I’d noticed I wouldn’t have brought you here to get hounded by my uncle or watch us have awkward conversations all break or give him a chance to tell me even more lies.” He feels like an idiot.

Alexander pulls away, tilting his head up to look at Aaron. “Hey. I’m glad I’m here, even if your uncle kind of sucks. I wanted to see where you grew up. And I’m definitely expecting to be able to see some baby pictures.”

“No way.”

“C’mon.”

“No,” Aaron says, laughing. “I don’t even know where any would be.”

“Liar.”

Aaron shakes his head. “My uncle didn’t take a lot of pictures when we were little. I guess there’s probably some baby ones somewhere, but…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m not really sure where they’d be.” He doesn’t want to know, either.

“We should look for them.”

“I don’t want to.” He doesn’t want to see baby pictures of him and Sally with their parents. It’s a life he never got to have. A life he doesn’t remember. A life he wants. “Let’s do something else.”

Alexander steps away from him, looking around with a shrug. “Show me the rest of your house. Tell me stories of young Aaron Burr. Or we can walk around the neighborhood. You can show me all the good hangout spots. Or the make out spots.”

Aaron turns to the table, grabbing the plates from it and walking over to the sink, feeling shaky all of a sudden. “Let’s just watch TV,” he says, hoping Alexander will get that he doesn’t want to do any of those things, that he doesn’t even know where those places are. “I’m tired.” He starts to scrub at the dishes, stopping when he hears Alexander sigh. “What?” He asks, a little harsher than he means to.

“Why are you being so closed off?”

Aaron turns back around to see Alexander standing with his arms crossed, looking upset. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t tell me anything,” Alexander says, and Aaron clenches his jaw. “I’m your boyfriend. And it’s like you don’t know that, cause you never talk to me.”

Aaron takes in a deep breath through his nose, not wanting to get into to any of this. Not now. Not here. Things are worse when he’s here, he never feels like himself. “You talk enough for the both of us.” He tries to move past Alexander, but he stops him. “Stop it, Alexander.”

“No.” Alexander fixes him with a firm look, his eyes hard. “Why don’t you let me in? I just want to know about your childhood, about you growing up, is that really so hard? That’s what normal couples do.”

“We’re not normal.”

“Aaron, come on, just – “

“You invited yourself here!” Aaron says, his voice growing louder without his permission. “I didn’t want you to come, remember? You did. So don’t get pissed at me for not wanting to go down memory lane with you when I didn’t plan for any of this.”

Alexander blinks at him, and then he looks away. “Fine. I’ll just go back to campus. Get an Uber. Have fun moping by yourself.” He walks over to where his things are resting against the wall, starting to grab them. “Tell your uncle I said bye.”

“Alexander,” Aaron sighs, the fight leaving him in a rush and being replaced by guilt. “Stop. That’s not what I meant and you know that.”

“Do I?” Alexander throws his jacket on, still not looking at him. “I don’t know anything about you, so that’s not true. All I know is that you didn’t invite me here and I’m clearly not welcome.”

“Stop,” Aaron says again, taking a small step towards him. “Alexander, please. That’s not what I meant. I don’t want you to leave.” He takes another step, reaching out hesitantly to take Alexander’s hand, which finally causes him to stop grabbing his things. “Can you just…can we talk about this?”

Alexander sighs, straightening up and glancing at Aaron with a cold stare. “If you want to, since apparently that’s how this relationship works.”

Aaron fights the urge to roll his eyes, and instead just pulls Alexander back over to the table, waiting until they’re both sitting down to say anything.

“I don’t like being here,” Aaron starts, noticing that Alexander isn’t looking at him again, but he pushes on anyway. He has to. “Coming back here makes me feel on edge. And that’s because I didn’t like growing up here. I didn’t like my childhood.” He watches as some of the tension in Alexander’s shoulders drops. “I’m not trying to say that I wasn’t lucky in some ways, cause I was. I always had money, was always comfortable, but I wasn’t happy.”

Alexander looks at him, expression softening a little. “Aaron, I –“

“Please let me finish,” Aaron interrupts, needing to go on. “Let me at least explain this all to you, since that’s all I can give.” He waits until Alexander nods to keep going. “I don’t talk about my childhood. The only reason Bellamy knows a lot about it is because he experienced it with me. Everyone else only knows about how controlling my uncle is, and my money situation. Beyond that…” Aaron shrugs. “I don’t talk about it.”

“But…” Alexander pauses, and Aaron sees him swallow. “I’m…don’t you trust me?”

“Yes. But I still don’t want to talk about it.”

Alexander shifts in his seat, frowning. But he keeps eye contact with Aaron. “So…so you don’t talk about it with anyone?”

Aaron shakes his head. “It’s not personal, Alexander, I swear. If there’s anyone I might ever talk to it about, it’s you, okay? But not now. I can’t yet. I just…it’s a lot for me to delve into, especially when it’s just sprung on me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No.” Aaron shakes his head again, giving Alexander a small smile. “Don’t be. I get it. I’m sorry. I know that…I know I’m not good at…at this.” He gestures between them. “I’m trying, though. I’ll keep trying. And I…” Aaron swallows. “I need that to be enough. Cause it’s all I can do right now.”

Alexander’s eyes trail over his face, expression unreadable, but then he smiles. “You’re doing great.” He lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “I’m still sorry. I didn’t meant to…you know, push, or whatever.”

“It’s fine,” Aaron says with a shrug, glad that Alexander looks like he wants to stay. “I like that you push.” He laughs when Alexander gives him an incredulous stare. “I do. I need it sometimes.”

“Well, you’re welcome, then.”

Aaron looks down at his hands, rubbing them together when they both fall silent. There’s still some tension in the air, but it’s better than before. Aaron feels like he can breathe.

“I can show you my basement,” he says, looking up at Alexander, who is still looking at him. “That would be a normal make out spot for couples, right? There’s a TV. We can watch a movie, or I guess not watch it if we’re making out.”

Alexander snorts. “You’re such a dork.” He stands up and holds a hand out to Aaron. “Let’s go.”

A few minutes later, they're cuddled up on his basement couch, the lights off. They do end up watching TV, but Aaron isn’t paying attention.

Instead he looks at Alexander, eyes roaming over his face, fixating on the small smile on his lips. He looks relaxed, looks happy. He accepted everything Aaron said so quickly after they talked. He’s accepted so much. Aaron wonders if that’s fair, that Alexander has to give up so much just to appease him.

“Hey.” Aaron nudges at Alexander, stomach twisting with nerves when Alexander glances at him, eyebrows raised in question. “I…this…I mean, this is…this is enough for you, right?”

Alexander just stares at him for a few moments. “Is what enough for me?”

Aaron swallows, struggling to get what he’s feeling formed into words. “Us,” he says. “Or me, I guess.”

“Aaron…”

“I know it must be frustrating that I won’t open up everything to you talk about certain things, and that it’s not fair. But I can’t change that. I just…I don’t want you to be unhappy because of me.”

Alexander shifts on the couch so he’s facing Aaron, and he reaches out to cup his face. “I’m not unhappy.”

“But you - “

“I’m not unhappy,” Alexander repeats firmly. “I _was_ mad, but you explained everything. I just didn’t understand before. But now I do. I get it, Aaron. Everything is fine. I understand and I’ll get over it.”

Aaron chews at the inside of his cheek, feeling his throat start to burn. “But I don’t want you to have to get over it. I just feel like you give up so much more than I do. And you give more, too.” He wants to be like that, wants to give Alexander things, wants to share things with him. "I feel like that's not fair."

Alexander smoothes his thumbs over Aaron’s cheeks. “Well you’re wrong,” he tells him with a smile. “You’re enough. No, actually I don’t like that. You’re way more than enough.” Alexander leans in to kiss him. “I know you haven’t said it back and you don’t have to, but I’m gonna say it. I love you. I don’t care if you don’t tell me about your childhood or whatever, cause you’re with me now. I love you, and everything you’re telling me now is more than enough.”

Alexander’s words hit Aaron with more force than he wants to admit. He grabs Alexander and pulls him into a hug, wanting to hide his face as he lets the words crash over him fully. He loves and hates those words. He hates that the words are so unfamiliar, but he loves that Alexander is the one saying them.

“Aaron…” Alexander holds him tight, and it’s only then that Aaron realizes how fast he’s breathing. “You’re okay.”

Aaron clings to him, nodding. “I know.” He is okay. He is. He lets out a short laugh. “I hate it here so much.”

Alexander chuckles, rubbing a hand across Aaron’s back. “Yeah. I can see why.” He rocks Aaron back and forth a little. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna try to talk to Sally?”

Aaron breathes in and out slowly, taking his time even though he already knows the answer. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He shuts his eyes. “If she’ll talk to me.” She might be angry at him. He hasn’t heard from her in weeks.

“She will.”

A few minutes later, Alexander goes to pull away, but Aaron holds onto him fast. “Not yet,” he murmurs, resting his head on Alexander’s shoulder, turning so his mouth is brushing against his neck. He thinks he can feel his pulse against his lips.

“Okay,” Alexander murmurs back. “As long as you need.”

Aaron holds on to him for longer than is probably comfortable. He can feel his own leg cramping up, but he isn’t ready to move. He doesn’t want to lift his head and leave the safety he feels when he’s wrapped around Alexander. And Alexander keeps his arms around him, staying quiet, which Aaron knows must be hard. But he doesn’t rush him, which is just another thing that Aaron loves about him.

Aaron moves closer, practically on Alexander’s lap, and presses a kiss to his neck, a silent thank you, and Alexander squeezes him in response. Aaron feels his heart stutter in his chest, lifting his head a little, eyes still closed, but he finds Alexander’s lips easily and kisses him.

It’s slow, neither of them moving to deepen the kiss, but Aaron feels his chest swell anyway. He loves kissing Alexander, loves feeling him beneath him or on top of him, loves the way he smiles and laughs, and even when he frowns because of the way his eyebrows furrow. He loves the way he rambles and talks to himself, even when it keeps Aaron awake at night. He even loves arguing with him, because Alexander is one of the few people that Aaron feels comfortable arguing with. There’s so much he loves about Alexander.

Aaron kisses him harder, trying to show that, knowing that he isn’t ready to say the words. But that doesn’t stop him from thinking them.

He’s in love with Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOO. They kind of survived the first night??? It'll be interesting to see how the rest of break goes. Next chapter will include more of Aaron's uncle, a shopping trip with Bellamy and Herc, and a surprising revelation.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or at my tumblr @ fanciful-follies!
> 
> ALSO, I'm taking my GRE tomorrow (graduation test) and I would love any words of wisdom/encouragement!!! Thanks guys! :D


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early update because I am off on vacation for a week!!!!
> 
> Enjoy x

The last thing Alex sees before he falls asleep is Aaron.

His jaw is clenched, brows drawn together, and his breathing is fast, uneven. Alex always thought that people were supposed to look more peaceful when they’re sleeping, but Aaron never does. He always looks tense, like he’s fighting with something.

Alex reaches a hand out, smoothing his fingers over Aaron’s forehead, trying to smooth away the lines there, but Aaron still looks distraught, and his breathing doesn’t slow down. So Alex sighs and tries to pull him closer, hoping the contact will give him some kind of comfort.

The couch is cramped, but Aaron had fallen asleep pressed between the back of it and Alex’s chest, and there was no way Alex was going to be able to move him. And he didn’t want to wake him up, not after the day they’d just had.

Alex has heard the stories about Aaron’s uncle, had thought he understood. But, as usual, he was wrong.

Aaron’s uncle isn’t what he’d been expecting. He figured he was just strict, overbearing. But there is something disconcerting about him, something that already has Alex on edge despite just meeting him. He can’t imagine what being in the same house as him for nineteen years would be like. And he should have realized that before pushing Aaron.

Alex would be lying if he said he didn’t still want to know about Aaron’s life growing up, cause he does. And not just because they’re boyfriends, but because he genuinely wants to know. He wants Aaron to trust him, to talk to him, to know that he can tell Alex anything. But Aaron doesn’t seem to know that, or at least not yet, which Alex knows he needs to accept and be patient about.

And he will. He just needs to remind himself that it isn’t personal, that he’s the first person Aaron will tell when he’s ready. And that’s enough. Alex hadn’t been lying when he’d said that. It’s more than enough.

Alex wraps an arm around Aaron and slides one of his legs between Aaron’s, trying to get comfortable. The movement causes Aaron to stir, and Alex freezes. But Aaron just lets out a soft sigh before settling back down, nuzzling against Alex and making him smile.

Sleep starts to fall over him, but Alex stays awake as long as possible, wanting to be ready if Aaron wakes up and needs something. But before he knows it, his eyes are closing, and he’s nodding off with an arm still around Aaron, holding him close.

-

The next time Alex is awake, the room is significantly brighter, and Aaron is still pressed against him, fast asleep.

Alex blinks, eyes roaming over Aaron’s face before squeezing shut as he yawns, doing his best not to disturb Aaron as he stretches on the couch, toes curling. He stays there for a few more moments, watching Aaron.

He needs to figure out what they’re going to do today. He wants to keep Aaron busy, wants to have him not worrying so much about being home. But he doesn’t know what’s in the area. He’s gonna need help.

Alex carefully extracts himself from Aaron’s grip, standing up with another stretch. He spots his phone on the floor, and bends down to grab it, going straight to his messages and finding Bellamy’s name to tap out a quick message.

_ <<< You and Herc good to hang out today? Not sure spending all day in the house will be fun._

He sends the text and then pockets his phone, yawning again. Coffee. He needs coffee. It’ll turn him into an actual person so he can think better, which he’ll definitely need to get through the rest of this week.

Alex briefly considers waking Aaron up, but then decides against it, figuring that he’ll be able to work out where the coffee is on his own. So he makes his way upstairs and into the kitchen, yawning loudly as he spots the coffee pot sitting on the counter.

He quickly finds the filters for it and fills the back up with water before pouring in the coffee gounds, inhaling and smiling at the smell. He loves coffee. Coffee is amazing. He wants to _be_ coffee.

Alex flicks the switch at the bottom and watches as it starts to brew, coffee slowly dripping down into the pot, and he wills it to go faster. Then the sound of quiet footsteps reaches him, but Alex doesn’t turn, figuring that it’s just Aaron.

“Hey,” he says. “I’m making coffee.”

“I can see that. I’m glad you had no trouble finding it.”

Alex spins around at the voice, stomach dropping a little when he sees Aaron’s uncle standing there.

“Good morning,” he blurts out, feeling his face flush. Shit. He should have waited for Aaron to wake up. “I’m sorry, I hope it’s okay that I helped myself.” He gestures at the coffee pot.

“Of course, of course. You’re our guest, help yourself to anything. Besides, Aaron sleeps in late. You don’t need to be inconvenienced due to his laziness.”

Alex purses his lips at the subtle dig at Aaron, but he shrugs it off and forces a smile onto his face, deciding it wouldn’t be worth it to comment. “Well, thank you.” He shifts on his feet, unsure of what else to say when Aaron’s uncle continues to just stand there. “Uhm, do you want some?”

Aaron’s uncle waves the offer aside. “No, no. I’m heading to the office soon. Things are very busy. I apologize that I’ve been in and out so much. I feel like that we haven’t gotten a chance to get to know each other.”

Alex shrugs, not bothering to say that he actually prefers it that way. “No worries.”

“I’d still like to talk to you. Aaron has never dated anyone before, you must be special.” Aaron’s uncle gives him a thin smile before walking to the table to grab his keys. Then he pauses and looks back at Alex. “Has Aaron mentioned his sister, Sally, to you?”

Alex blinks, feeling uncertainty flow through him. “Uh…” He’s not sure what to say, knowing that he’s in dangerous territory. “He’s mentioned her,” Alex says slowly. “And has alluded to some things, but that’s all, really.”

Aaron’s uncle hums, fingers tapping against his thigh. “Yes, well, I’m sure it’s a sore topic for him.” His expression turns sympathetic, but there’s something put on and fake about it that Alex doesn’t like. “She left, you know. Just packed up without a word over the summer.” A beat of silence. “She left because of Aaron.”

Alex narrows his eyes at the blatant lie before he can stop himself, but then he carefully rearranges his face into a surprised expression. “Really?”

“Sally has always been a free spirit, and she felt tied down here by her responsibility to take care of Aaron.” His shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “Apparently it got to be too much, so she decided to cut off all ties.”

Alex has to bite at his tongue to keep himself from calling out all of the lies Aaron’s uncle is trying to spread, knowing that everything he’s saying isn’t true, but he also doesn’t want to get into an argument and get kicked out.

“I’m sure she’s doing what she thinks is best,” Alex settles on saying, doing his best to not sound angry.

“Well, that’s a nice way of looking at it.” Aaron’s uncle smiles again. “But she abandoned her family. Now I’m all Aaron has, and I only ever have his best interests at heart. I’ll do whatever I can to make sure he’s successful, and that nothing gets in his way.”

The last few words are emphasized, and Alex’s jaw clenches at the thinly veiled insinuation that he’s in Aaron’s way. He would never get in Aaron’s way. His uncle is the only one in the way.

Alex opens his mouth to say something along those lines, but then there’s a shrill beeping noise, and Alex turns to see that the coffee is done brewing.

“Well,” Aaron’s uncle starts, and Alex glances back at him. “I’m off to work. Have a nice day.”

The door clicks shut moments later, and Alex continues to stand there, processing everything that just happened in such a short amount of time. Aaron’s uncle had straight up lied to him, and then had basically threatened Alex. Like, what the fuck? Does he think that Alex won’t go and tell Aaron all of this?

That thought makes Alex pause. He should tell Aaron, right? But what if Aaron starts to think that Sally really _did_ leave because of him? Alex doesn’t want to be the one to plant that idea in his head.

Swearing under his breath, Alex turns and gets on his tip-toes to grab two mugs from the cupboard, filling them both with coffee. Then he carefully makes his way back downstairs, mind still trying to come up with some kind of solution. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, Alex sees that Aaron is awake and sitting up.

“Morning,” Aaron murmurs, voice scratchy with sleep. He smiles up at Alex. “You made coffee?”

“Yeah. Here.” Alex holds out one of the mugs for Aaron and then sits down beside him, taking a sip from his own mug.

“Did you sleep okay?” Aaron asks. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep and force you to stay on the couch all night. I know it’s not exactly comfortable.”

“It was fine,” Alex assures him, and Aaron nods. “What about you? How did you sleep?”

Aaron shrugs a shoulder. “Better than I thought I would, I guess.” He shifts on the couch, eyes flicking over to Alex. “I like having you here.”

Alex can’t help but smile, relieved that he’s not being annoying or a burden. Sometimes he can’t tell with Aaron. But then he remembers what happened upstairs, the conversation with Aaron’s uncle.

Taking a quiet, deep breath, Alex peers closer at Aaron, noticing the small smile on his lips as he drinks his coffee, and the relaxed nature of his movements. He looks happy. Alex doesn’t want to ruin that. But he doesn’t want to keep things from him, either.

Alex opens his mouth, preparing himself to say something, but then his phone buzzes in his pocket, distracting him. When he pulls it out, there’s a message from Bellamy.

_ >>> I take it you met Aaron’s uncle? LOL. We can come pick you up in an hour. I feel a shopping trip coming on._

Alex snorts at the response and shakes his head. “Want to hang with Bellamy and Herc in like an hour?” He asks, looking back over at Aaron. “I texted him earlier, figured it’d be nice to get out of the house for a bit.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Alex nods, glad that it was a good idea that Aaron likes. He types out a quick affirmative text to Bellamy. “Okay, cool.”

Aaron hums, taking a long sip of his coffee before setting his mug down. “Was my uncle already gone when you woke up this morning?”

Alex swallows and stares down at his coffee. “Uh, he was just leaving when I ran into him, going to...work. He’s gone now, though.”

“Work,” Aaron mutters with a slight scoff as he stands up. “I wonder what he’s actually doing.” He sighs, but then holds out his hand to Alex. “We should eat and get dressed. Bellamy always shows up at least fifteen minutes earlier than he says and gets mad if I’m not ready.”

Alex hesitates a moment, wondering if he should still say something about the conversation. After a few seconds though, he takes Aaron’s hand and nods, letting Aaron lead him upstairs.

It can wait.

-

An hour later, Alex finds himself holding an armful of clothes as Bellamy chatters beside him, occasionally adding another item to the growing pile in Alex’s arms. But Alex isn’t really paying attention. He keeps looking over at Aaron, who is across the store with Herc, laughing at something they just said.

“He seems happy,” Bellamy says, nudging Alex and drawing his attention back to him. “Aaron, I mean. He looks happy.” Bellamy smiles “I think a lot of that is because of you.”

Alex ducks his head, letting out a short laugh. “I don’t know. Maybe.” He isn’t sure how to respond to that without sounding full of himself.

“Trust me. I _am_ his best friend, I would know.”

Alex laughs again. “Well, I do my best.” He glances back up at Bellamy, biting his lip as he shrugs. “I didn’t know how bad things were at home, with his uncle. I mean, how could I? He didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah, well, that’s Aaron.” Bellamy looks over his shoulder at Aaron and Herc, a small frown on his face. “He doesn’t like telling people stuff. He wants to work it out on his own. He thinks it’s easier that way. Or he just wants to ignore everything.”

“Yeah...we had a fight about that last night.”

Bellamy turns back, an eyebrow raised. Then he laughs, but it sounds humorless. “Must have been a night of fighting for couples everywhere.”

Alex shifts, his arms starting to feel heavy. “You and Herc fought?”

“Yeah.” Bellamy hangs up the shirt he’d been looking at. “They think I get too involved in…in yours and Aaron’s business.”

“What? I don’t think that! That’s – "

“I know you guys weren’t really dating before,” Bellamy interjects, and Alex freezes, surprise hitting him. “Aaron told me when you had that fight. And like, I’m really happy you guys are good now, I am. But I just…” Bellamy pauses and shakes his head. “I can’t help but worry.”

Alex glances around before bending down to place the pile of clothes on the ground, not wanting to hold them while having this conversation. “Bellamy, I’m not gonna mess this up, I swear. You don’t need to worry.”

“Well I still do. Apparently too much, according to Herc.” Bellamy’s shoulders slump, and Alex isn’t sure what to do. He’s not sure how close him and Bellamy are. Should he hug him? “I don’t think I’ve been giving them enough attention,” Bellamy continues, saving Alex from having to make a decision. “I don’t like fighting.”

“They’ll forgive you. You’ll make up. You two are like…couple goals, or whatever.”

Bellamy perks up at that. “Really?” He glances behind him again to look at Herc, and Alex chuckles at the smile that spreads across his face. “I like that.”

“Don’t get all weird.” Alex picks up the clothes from the ground, grunting at the effort. “Now come on, you have like one hundred things to try on and I am not about to spend all day running back and forth to find different sizes for you.”

“But that’s the point of this. We’re bonding. That’s why I went to Build-A-Bear with you so you could get Aaron - ”

Alex shushes Bellamy quickly, not wanting Aaron to overhear. “It’s a surprise!” He’d slipped away to buy Aaron a very belated birthday present, but Bellamy’s voice carries, and he doesn’t need the whole store to hear about it. “And how is what we’re doing now bonding? I’m just holding all your crap.”

“Also known as bonding.”

“But – “

“Don’t worry,” a voice says, and both of them jump to see Herc standing beside them, Aaron coming up moments later. “I’ll do it. He’s my boyfriend, after all.”

Bellamy blinks at Herc, and then bounds forward to press a kiss to their cheek, a hesitant smile on his face that grows stronger when Herc returns it. “Thanks, babe.”

“And that’s our cue to find something else to do,” Aaron says, wrinkling his nose at the display of affection, which makes Alex laugh. “What?”

“You make out with me in public and you’re turning your nose up at a kiss on the cheek?”

“Fuck off.”

Alex just laughs again, stepping forward to take Aaron’s hand. “We’ll hit the food court,” he says to Bellamy and Herc. “I’m hungry. Text when you’re done and we can meet up there.”

They part ways, and Aaron and Alex hit up the nearest Auntie Anne’s, both of them ordering a pretzel and a drink. It’s crowded, but they manage to find a table.

“I’m in heaven,” Alex says through a mouthful. “I could live off these pretzels. I could _marry_ these pretzels.”

“Chew with your mouth closed,” is all Aaron’s says back, and Alex ignores him.

“Are you gonna finish yours?”

Aaron snorts, but pushes the rest of his pretzel towards Alex, smiling when he tears a piece off and pops it into his mouth. “I know I’ve got it bad when I find you attractive when you’re stuffing your mouth.”

Alex chokes a little on the pretzel, feeling his face flush. He swallows. “Thanks, I think?”

“You’re welcome.” Aaron takes a sip from his drink. “So how was your first shopping experience with Bellamy?” He asks, eyebrows rising in amusement as Alex groans.

“I should have known he’d be a fashion diva.”

“If you call him that to his face, he’ll hate you. Trust me. Calling him a diva is like calling me a prodigy.”

Alex gently kicks Aaron under the table, smiling. “Well, calling you a prodigy ended up turning out okay. I got a boyfriend out of it.”

Aaron gives him a dry stare. “That’s not what got you a boyfriend, trust me.”

“So it was my good looks, then, right?”

Aaron rolls his eyes, but Alex sees him fighting back a smile. “Sure, let’s go with that.” He reaches over to take a piece from the pretzel, popping it into his mouth, glaring when Alex kicks him under the table again. “Stop it.”

“That’s my pretzel.”

“I gave it to you!”

“Yeah, so now it’s mine. You shouldn’t have given it to me if you still wanted it.”

Aaron gives an exasperated sigh, leaning back in his seat. “You are so lucky you’re hot.”

Alex grins smugly. “I know.” He pouts when Aaron kicks him under the table. “Hey! Sorry I’m confident in my looks. Don’t be jealous. I mean, you totally shouldn’t be cause...well, just look at you. Talk about hot. Like, if we weren’t in public right now I would totally get down on my knees and -"

He cuts off at the sound of someone clearing their throat, turning to see a woman with a small child next to her throwing him a stern glare as the child looks at him with curious eyes.

“ - and tie your shoes,” Alex continues quickly. “Cause safety is important and I don’t you want to trip.”

The woman rolls her eyes but turns back to her food, and Alex turns at the sound of Aaron laughing.

“That was great,” Aaron says, laughing harder. “I am honored that I was here to witness that. Like this whole break will have been worth it just for that moment.”

“Shut up,” Alex mutters, taking another bite of his pretzel as Aaron continues to chuckle. “We need to leave immediately. Let’s go somewhere else.”

Aaron gives him a fond look before looking around. “Want to go test out all the bath and body works stuff?

“Fuck yeah I do.”

-

They get back to the house around six, Alex feeling thoroughly exhausted. But Aaron is smiling as they walk inside, so it’s worth it.

“You gonna tell me what’s in that bag?” Aaron asks, nodding down at the bag Alex is gripping tightly in his hand.

“No.” Alex pulls it behind his back, chuckling when Aaron’s eyes follow it. “It’s a surprise. You’ll find out later.”

“Or I could find out now.”

“No,” Alex says again, shoving at Aaron when he tries to grab at the bag. Alex laughs and twists away when Aaron tries again. “It’s a present, that’s all you get to know. You’ll find out soon. Now go away so I can hide it.”

Aaron sighs. “Fine. It better not be something weird. Go put it downstairs and then we can order some take out for dinner.”

Alex nods before quickly making his way down into the basement, checking to make sure Aaron isn’t following him. Then he takes out the Build-A-Bear box and shoves it as best he can into the duffle bag that he’d brought.

Now he just needs to wait for the perfect moment to give it to Aaron.

When Alex walks back upstairs, Aaron isn’t in the kitchen. He walks down one of the hallways, hating how big and weird the house is. Most of the doors are closed, but one towards the end of the hall is opened, so Alex walks over to it, figuring it must be Aaron's room.

Sure enough, Aaron is inside, sitting on the bed and holding something in his lap.

“Aaron?”

He looks up at Alex’s question, expression a little unfocused, but then he smiles. “I found pictures.”

Alex blinks at him, and then looks back down at what’s in his hands, realizing that it’s a photo album. “Oh.” _Oh_. “Aaron, you don’t need…I mean, if you still don’t want to, we don’t need to look at them. I’m fine not looking, you don’t need to – "

“Alexander.” Aaron's smile widens. “I know.” He pats the mattress, and Alex slowly moves closer and sits down beside him. “I want to share things with you,” Aaron starts, looking down at the album. “And while I think my reluctance with some things is valid, some of it is just excuses.” He shrugs. “So I…I just thought, you know, you could look at this.”

“Are you sure?”

Aaron nods, peering over at him. “I thought about it, and if it will make you feel more comfortable or happy or whatever, then it’s not a big deal.” He pauses there, clearing his throat. “I want to share it with you, cause I…I care about you.”

Alex smiles at how flustered Aaron looks from saying the words. He leans in, making brief eye contact with Aaron before kissing him, eyes slipping shut. He brings up a hand to rest it against Aaron’s cheek, angling his head to deepen the kiss for a moment, breathing out slowly through his nose. Then he pulls away. “Thank you.”

Aaron smiles against his mouth. “You’re welcome.”

Then he’s kissing Alex again, harder this time, his hand resting on Alex’s thigh and sliding up, making Alex sigh and lean in even closer. He parts his lips, humming when Aaron’s tongue glides over his lower lip before dipping into his mouth.

Alex moans softly when Aaron’s hand slides further up, brushing over him through his pants before continuing up to slip underneath his shirt, palm cool against Alex’s skin, which is already starting to heat up.

“Aaron,” Alex breathes out, breaking the kiss and biting his lip when Aaron just moves his mouth to Alex’s neck. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“What am I doing?” Aaron murmurs against his neck, grazing his teeth over a spot beneath Alex’s jaw.

“Distracting me.” Alex pulls back even further, laughing at Aaron’s annoyed huff. “I don’t need to look at the photos if you don’t want me to.”

“I _want_ you to,” Aaron says, looking frustrated. He takes a deep breath. “I just…I think I’ll go order take out while you do. I don’t want to…you know…I don’t want to see them, if that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Alex drops his hand so he can take Aaron’s, giving it a small squeeze. “Yeah, okay. I’ll look at them and then come join you.”

Aaron nods, eyes flicking down to the photo album that he’d discarded on the mattress. Then he stands up, bending down to press one more kiss to Alex’s mouth before exiting the room.

Alex watches him go and then turns his attention to the photo album, picking it up and setting it on his lap. When he opens it, he's met with a collection of baby pictures, immediately making him smile. One page has the label ‘Sally’ at the top, the other ‘Aaron.” Alex snorts at a picture of baby Aaron wearing a onesie with giraffes on it. He’s definitely gonna tease him about that.

He flips through the album slowly, laughing out loud at some of the pictures, especially the one where Aaron and Sally are toddlers, and Aaron is sitting on top of Sally while she cries looking completely unaffected.

The pictures are cute, and Alex feels a warm feeling bloom in his chest as he continues. He’s so happy that Aaron is letting him do this, that he’s sharing these memories with him. He feels like it's a big step for them, that they're moving forward. It's sort of a milestone for their relationship.

As Alex keeps going, he realizes that Aaron hadn’t been kidding earlier; there really are barely any pictures of them after Aaron was a toddler. But Alex keeps flipping through, pausing when he finds Aaron’s graduation photos from high school. He smiles at how serious Aaron looks, flipping to the next page, and then stopping again.

Aaron is smiling in these ones, an arm thrown around a girl that looks so much like him that Alex immediately knows it must be Sally. It’s almost uncanny, looking at the two of them side by side.

Alex focuses more on Sally, taking in her long braids and bright smile. She looks familiar, which is strange. Alex figures it must just be because she looks like Aaron, but…

He stares closer at the picture, a cold feeling starting to crawl over him. Why does she look so _familiar_? Alex thinks back, wondering if he’s seen some kind of picture of Sally before. That _has_ to be it. But it’s not; he knows that it’s not. It’s something else.

A memory starts to surface, hazy, but it’s growing stronger, and Alex closes his eyes to think, to let the memory come back to him fully.

When it finally hits him why Sally looks so familiar, Alex feels his chest tighten, and his eyes fly open in shock.

The girl he’d run into all those weeks ago, the girl he'd stopped to talk to when him and Aaron had been fighting, the girl who’d wanted directions to Aaron’s dorm…

That had been Sally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> y'all know the drill
> 
> come scream at me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update before I go back to school :o
> 
> Enjoy x

The rest of spring break passes by without incident. But Aaron can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Sure, his uncle keeps himself scarce and gives Aaron and Alexander free reign of the house for the most part, but something in Alexander’s mood shifts without warning, and Aaron spends most of the remaining days trying to figure out what it is.

And Alexander always says that he’s fine whenever Aaron asks, that he’s just tired, so Aaron does his best not to push. But he always catches Alexander biting at his lip, brows furrowed as he stares off into space looking distraught. Then he’ll notice Aaron watching him, and quickly rearrange his face into a smile. What worries Aaron the most, though, is how quiet Alexander is.

He doesn’t start any conversations, and when Aaron does, most of Alexander’s responses consist of hums and grunts before he trails off into complete silence again. And whenever Aaron asks him what he wants to do, Alexander just shrugs, and then chooses to watch a movie or a TV show, which then consists of them sitting in more silence as it plays. Aaron doesn’t even think Alexander pays attention.

Aaron tries to tell himself it’s just the atmosphere of the house finally descending onto Alexander. He knows what it’s like, the tension and the stillness, so he can’t really blame Alexander. But he feels like there’s something more. He just doesn’t know what.

Even the car ride back to campus is quiet despite Bellamy and Herc doing their best to start some kind of conversation. But Alexander barely joins in, although he does crack a few smiles every now and then.

Aaron catches Bellamy staring back at them from the rear view mirror a few times, and Aaron just gives a small shrug when he meets Bellamy’s questioning glance. At least he’s not the only one who finds Alexander’s behavior strange.

He just hopes it passes.

“So where are we dropping you two off?” Bellamy asks as they get closer to campus. “The same place?”

Aaron glances over at Alexander, unsure of how to respond when Alexander says nothing. “Uhm, well, I’ll probably go back to my dorm to unpack.” He pauses there, not wanting to speak for Alexander, but also hoping he’ll want to come to his place, too. “Do you…”

“I’ll go back to mine,” Alexander says, his voice low. “I should unpack. And then I think I’ll just pass out for a bit.”

Aaron nods, turning to peer out of the window so Alexander doesn’t see the disappointment he’s sure is reflected on his face. Maybe Alexander just needs some space. They did just spend a whole week together without any breaks. It’s normal, probably, for him to be pulling away. Or at least Aaron hopes it is.

“Okay,” he says a few moments later. “Sure. We can meet up later. Maybe get dinner?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Aaron stares out of the window until the car stops outside his dorm. Only then does he turn to look at Alexander again to see him already staring back, biting at his lip again.

“Well,” Aaron starts, reaching to unbuckle his seat belt, suddenly in a hurry to get out. “I’ll see you whenever, then.” He moves to open the door when Alexander’s hand reaches forward and tugs at his arm, drawing Aaron’s attention back to him.

“Hey,” Alexander murmurs, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Aaron’s lips, then pulling back seconds later with an unreadable expression. “I’ll text you.”

Aaron nods, waiting a moment longer before opening the door and stepping out. He grabs his things from the trunk and then waves at the back of the car as he turns to head towards his dorm room.

He starts to unpack as soon as he’s inside, knowing that if he waits he’ll just never do it. But his unpacking consists mainly of him just tossing clothes onto the floor, his mind too focused on other things to really pay attention to his movements.

He just doesn’t know what went wrong.

Everything had seemed fine the first few days, more than fine after the small argument him and Alexander had. They’d talked things out. And then Aaron had fun, thought Alexander was having fun, too. Something obviously happened, though, and Aaron hates not knowing.

He tosses the last thing out of his bag with a sigh, flopping down onto his bed. He wishes he could just talk to Alexander about this, but he always says nothing is wrong. He could call Bellamy, but he’s probably tired from driving. And none of his other friends are back yet except Thomas, who Aaron is pretty sure doesn’t want to hear about his relationship problems.

Normally Aaron would talk to Sally, but obviously he can’t do that.

The last time they’d talked had been months ago. And Aaron knows it’s his fault that it’s been that long; he stopped answering unknown calls after their fight. But he knows Sally had been right about their uncle now, knows that he needs to apologize. He just doesn’t know how to get into contact with her, or how to even start the conversation.

He hates not knowing how to talk to his own sister.

Aaron isn’t sure how long he stays on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. But some time later his phone vibrates in his pocket.

He reaches for it, turning to the screen on to see a text from Alexander.

    _ >>> Hey. Not feeling up to dinner tonight. See you tomorrow, though._

Aaron stares at the text, disappointment and confusion settling in his stomach. He tosses his phone onto the mattress beside him, not wanting to look at it. Not needing to, either, since no one wants to talk to him anyway.

Sighing, Aaron rolls onto his side and shuts his eyes, hoping that if he just falls asleep everything will be okay when he wakes up.

-

The following day, Aaron finds himself sitting with Theodosia and Maria outside, Alexander having bailed on seeing him once again. But he tries not to think about, tries to focus on catching up with his friends instead.

“My break was just a lot of working,” Maria says with a shrug. “I made like, a hundred lattes.”

“Still no sign of mystery girl?” Aaron asks, sharing a smile with Theodosia when Maria lets out a heavy sigh.

“No. And I’m very distraught. Talk about something else.”

Theodosia laughs. “Well, my break was nice. I spent it with Eliza and her sisters at their house, which _damn_ , I think I got lost in it a few times.” She laughs again. “It was really nice, though. There was definitely a space of time where I thought me and Eliza not telling Angelica and Peggy about us was gonna mess things up, but things are really good now.”

“Aw.” Maria reaches out and nudges Theodosia. “Y’all are so cute.” Then she turns to Aaron. “And how about my other favorite couple? How was yours and Alex’s break?”

“Oh.” Aaron rubs the palms of his hands over his jeans. “It was good. Spent a few days with Bell and Herc.” He trails off there, not really sure what else to say.

“And your uncle was good?”

Aaron shrugs. “Sure.”

Now Maria and Theodosia share a look, and then Theodosia clears her throat. “Anything else happen?”

Aaron shrugs again, not knowing where to start. “I don’t know…Alexander has been kind of weird lately.” He might as well tell them, they can clearly see something is bothering him. “Maybe inviting him to my house was too much.”

“Well, if I remember correctly, he invited himself,” Theodosia points out.

“I know…” Aaron sighs. “I don’t know. I feel like he’s avoiding me. But he says everything is fine.”

“You have no idea what happened?”

Aaron shakes his head at Maria’s question. “I mean, we had a small argument about him wanting me to be more open. But we talked it out. That was the first day, and everything seemed fine afterwards. I even showed him some old baby pictures of me and Sally to try and make up for being closed off. But then he just got all weird.”

Maria taps her finger against her chin. “Maybe you were an ugly baby.”

Aaron rolls his eyes as Theodosia laughs, trying to cover it up as a cough seconds later. “Thanks, Maria.”

“I was kidding, babe, you know that.” Maria reaches out to pat his leg. “I’m sure you were adorable. Whatever it is, Alex will tell you eventually. That boy likes to analyze things until he explodes. The explosion will be soon.”

“I don’t like explosions,” Aaron mutters.

“Just try talking to him again,” Theodosia suggests. “Just like, clear the air, you know? Tell him whatever it is you won’t be mad, and then just sit there till he talks.”

“Will that really work?”

“It’s worth a shot,” Theodosia answers with a small shrug. “It’s what I would do.”

“Is he more talkative after sex?” Maria asks, and Aaron groans. “No, seriously. Go have sex and then talk about your feelings.”

“I’m not having sex with him when things are so weird!”

“Your loss,” Maria says, inspecting her nails, but Aaron can see her smiling. Then she looks up at him and winks. “Okay, I was kidding again. Probably not the best course of action. But seriously, just go talk to him. Tell him how in looovvveee you are with him and that you miss him, cause obviously you do, and then have a good ol’ heart to heart.”

Aaron lets out a long breath, tilting his head back to stare up at the overcast sky. “Yeah, yeah okay. I’ll try that.”

-

He goes to Alexander’s dorm a few hours later, having needed that much time to convince himself to go at all. He didn’t bother texting Alexander, was too worried that Alexander would have made up some excuse to not see him, and Aaron _really_ needs to talk to him.

He knocks on the dorm room door and holds his breath, praying that Alexander is actually there. The door opens a few seconds later, a slightly surprised Alexander staring back at him.

“Hey,” Aaron starts, shifting on his feet when Alexander just blinks at him. “Is it…can I come in?”

Alexander steps to the side. “Yeah, of course.”

“Thanks.” Aaron walks in, taking a deep breath as he does. Then he turns to face Alexander, who is watching him with a guilty expression. Aaron sighs. “We need to talk.”

Alexander ducks his head. “I know.” But then he goes silent, and Aaron sighs again.

“You’re avoiding me.”

“No.”

“Really?” Aaron raises his eyebrows. “So you’re not talking to me, not texting me, cancelling plans…but not avoiding me? Right. Makes sense.” He can’t help how bitter his voice sounds.

Alexander hunches his shoulders and mutters something under his breath. Then he walks over to his bed and sits down with a huff. “I know that’s what it looks like, but I’m not avoiding you. I mean, I guess I kind of am, but not…not for what you’re probably thinking.”

“And what is it that I’m thinking?”

“That I’m mad at you, that you did something wrong…you didn’t.”

Aaron stares at Alexander, takes in the dark circles under his eyes, the way his fingers are tapping against his thigh, the way he won’t meet Aaron’s gaze.

Aaron moves to sit next to Alexander on the bed, their legs touching. Alexander still doesn’t look at him. “Why can’t you tell me what it is?” Aaron reaches out and takes Alexander’s hand, squeezing. “You can tell me.”

Alexander lets out a short laugh and shakes his head. And Aaron watches him, trying to stay calm, to not let the silence freak him out. Alexander is always the one to open conversations, to talk things through. Aaron doesn’t know how. He’s not good at this. He’ll mess it all up.

“It’s just – “ Alexander stops as quickly as he started, shifting on the bed. “I’m just trying to…in my mind, to figure it out first.”

“Okay,” Aaron says slowly, understanding that. “But…can we not be together while you’re figuring it out?” He doesn’t know how to voice how much he’s been missing Alexander, how much he hates this weird distance between them.

“I’m sorry,” Alexander murmurs, staring down at his feet. “I just need some time.”

“So is that a no?” Aaron asks, feeling frustration start to seep into him. “You won’t talk to me and you won’t hang out with me?” He lets go of Alexander’s hand and stands up. “What’s the point in having a boyfriend if they won’t even fucking talk to you?”

“Aaron…” Alexander’s voice comes out weak, and when Aaron looks back at him, Alexander is finally staring back. “Please, don’t be mad.”

Aaron snorts. “Well it’s not like you’re really giving me any other option.”

“I know…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well…” Aaron shrugs. “So am I.” He stares at Alexander for a few seconds, but when it becomes clear that he isn’t going to say anything else, he clenches his jaw and turns towards the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Aaron, wait, please…”

“I’ll see you later,” Aaron repeats, twisting the knob and opening the door. “When you’re ready to talk.”

“Aaron, I – “

“I really don’t want to fight with you, Alexander. So I’m going to go for a walk.” He doesn’t wait for Alexander’s, response, just steps through the doorway and lets the door close behind him.

Once he’s outside, Aaron starts to walk with no destination in mind. He doesn’t care where he goes, just wants to walk around, wants to walk until his feet hurt and that’s all he can focus on. He wants to be distracted.

Alexander is always so good at getting Aaron to open up. Aaron feels safe with him, like he can tell him anything. So much of what’s bothering him is that Alexander doesn’t seem to feel the same way about him. And Aaron wants to be that person for Alexander. But maybe he can’t be, maybe he’s not cut out for that.

He used to be that person for Sally, though. They were that person for each other. Having a constant companion in Sally growing up made Aaron better, and he misses that, misses her. He feels like if he could just talk to her, he’d be able to fix everything.

When a raindrop hits his nose, Aaron ignores it, barely even feels it. He’s still thinking about how he can contact Sally. But then another drop hits the back of his neck, and then another on his forehead, and before he knows it, Aaron finds himself caught in a downpour.

After a few seconds he’s already drenched, but he pulls his jacket over his head as he jogs, looking for somewhere to take cover. He manages to find an awning a few feet away and ducks under it, bringing a hand up to wipe at his face.

Glancing up at the sky, Aaron lets out a short huff. Dark clouds are rolling in, and the rain doesn’t look like it’s going to stop any time soon. He’s trying to figure out what to do when his phone starts to vibrate in his pocket.

“Hello?” Aaron says into it, not bothering to check the contact, still in the process of blinking drops of rain out of his eyes.

“Hey,” Alexander’s voice says back. “It’s pouring rain out there.”

Aaron laughs. “Yeah. Tell my clothes that.” He shuffles out of someone’s way, keeping the phone pressed to his ear. “Is that all you called to say?”

“I don’t know.” Alexander pauses there, and Aaron waits, listening to the rain hit the concrete. “Do you want me to come get you? I could get Bellamy to pick you up.”

“I’m pretty close to my dorm. I can just wait it out.”

“Okay.”

The conversation stops again, and Aaron chews at the inside of his cheek, wanting to shout in frustration. He hates this. Hates how hard it is to talk to Alexander all of a sudden. “Fine. I’ll see you whenever, then.”

“Aaron, wait.” Alexander’s voice comes across strained, like he’s forcing himself to get the words out. “I’m sorry.”

Aaron sighs, tilting his head back. “For what?” Maybe Alexander will be more specific this time.

“For being…for being so weird, I don’t know. But I’m _sorry_. Are you mad at me?”

“No,” Aaron says after a few seconds. “I’m not mad. I’m…frustrated.”

“I know.”

“What happened?” He asks, needing to know. “Something happened over break, what was it? I know you said I didn’t do anything but I feel like I did! So just tell me! What did I – “

“You didn’t do anything,” Alexander cuts in. “I promise. It’s just me. I just…could you come see me? Again? I want to talk to you. But not on the phone.”

Aaron looks around, sheets of rain still pouring down from the sky. Of course Alexander would wait till now to talk to him when he was literally there not even fifteen minutes ago. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll come now.” He moves his jacket back over his head. “Do you have clothes I can change into once I’m there?”

Alexander laughs. “Yeah. I’ve stolen so much of your clothing.”

“Bastard,” Aaron shoots back, but he’s smiling. “Okay, well I’ll hopefully just be ten minutes.”

“You should wait till it’s done raining.”

“I’ll be fine.” He doesn’t want to wait. He wants to resolve whatever this is as soon as possible. He wants things to be okay between them again. He misses the way things were. “Can I get a clue as to what we’ll be talking about?” Aaron asks as he starts to walk, feet splashing against puddles of water.

“It’s nothing major, I don’t think. Just…something I realized.” Alexander clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I’ve just…I needed to think it over and how to say it.”

Aaron squints as he continues to walk, the rain coming down so hard that he almost can’t see a few feet ahead of him. “But we’re okay, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah we’re okay.”

Aaron feels some of the tension in his chest loosen, glad, at least, that this isn’t something about them. “Good.” He pauses at the crosswalk, standing a few feet back so the cars rushing past don’t splash rain water onto him, although it wouldn’t really matter; he’s already soaked through.

His phone vibrates in his hand, and Aaron pulls it away from his ear to glance at the screen. He’s getting another call.

Aaron brings it back up, heart speeding up. “Hey, someone else is calling me. I’m gonna answer in case it’s Sally, okay? But I’ll see you soon.”

“Aaron, wait! No, don’t answer, I need to – “

Aaron hangs up anyway, not wanting to miss the chance to talk to Sally if it is her. He accepts the other call and brings his phone to his ear again. “Hello? Sally?”

There’s a long beat of silence where Aaron thinks he hears static, but he’s not sure if it’s really just the sound of rain pouring down.

“Aaron?” A crackly voice says moments later, and he feels his face break into a smile. “Yeah, it’s me. Hey.”

“Hey,” he says back, glancing up at the streetlight to see that it’s still green, so he stands by the crosswalk and waits, stomach twisting with nerves. “How are you?”

“Good. I’m good. I’m…” Sally pauses. “I’m glad you answered.”

“Yeah…" Aaron clears his throat. "I'm sorry, for...for not answering earlier.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m used to your silent treatments, although this was definitely the longest. Not that I didn’t deserve it.”

Aaron sighs, tugging on his jacket to cover more of his head as the rain continues to pour down. “There was just a lot going on. Everything you said about Uncle Tim…I didn’t want to believe it. But then I went home for break and…”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron says again, blinking to clear his eyes. “I just…everything is so messed up. And I feel like there’s so much I don’t know still, and I hate that.”

“I definitely owe you a long overdue explanation,” Sally says. "And I'll give you one, whenever you're ready."

Aaron peers at the streetlight as he thinks. “You free to talk now?” He asks, watching as the light turns yellow through the sheets of rain. "Cause I really feel like I'll go crazy if I don't get the whole story soon." He takes a step into the street, figuring that he has plenty of time to talk to Sally before he gets to Alexander's.

"Now is good," Sally responds, sounding as relieved as Aaron feels. “Yeah, yeah I think that – “

The rest of what Sally says gets overpowered by the sound of someone shouting, and what happens next is a blur.

There’s a screech of tires, the sound of a car horn honking, another shout, and Aaron barely has time to turn before something slams into him, making the world go dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!!! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation!!! So leave em here or at my tumblr @fanciful-follies!
> 
> Also, only ten more chapters to go after this!!!! Buckle up and get ready!
> 
> :D


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday!!!!
> 
> Enjoy x

Alex gets the call from Maria.

He’d just been sitting in his room, wondering why Aaron was so late in coming over to talk when his phone rang, a teary Maria on the other end, talking so fast that Alex had thought at first that he had misheard her.

But then she repeated herself, the words ‘Aaron’ and ‘hit by a car’ ringing in Alex’s ears. He doesn’t remember if he said anything back. Just remembers how tight his throat had been, how hard it had been to breathe let alone speak.

The hardest part had been waiting for Maria to come and get him so they could drive to the hospital. He’d had to sit in his room, alone, with the knowledge that his boyfriend had been hit by a car. He didn’t even know how bad it was, but the frantic worry in Maria’s voice had him thinking the worst.

Even now, sitting silently in the passenger seat as Maria pulls into a parking spot, Alex is terrified of going inside, of what news he’ll hear when he does.

They walk hand in hand through the hospital doors. Maria does most of the talking, asking where they need to go to find Aaron. Eventually they’re directed into a waiting room, and Alex takes in the sight of all of their other friends gathered there already.

Jefferson and Madison are sitting side by side, Jefferson’s face closed off, eyes glossed over while Madison keeps shooting him worried glances. Eliza and Theodosia are next to them, eyes red and puffy. John, Laf, Angelica, and Peggy all look up when Alex and Maria enter, and Alex sees John start to stand, but Angelica pulls him back down. Alex sees Bellamy and Herc last, but when he spots them, his feet start to carry him over, and then him and Bellamy are hugging, clutching at each other for some semblance of comfort.

Alex can feel Bellamy shaking against him, so he holds him tighter, burying his face against Bellamy’s shoulder as he takes in his own steadying breaths.

“Do you know anything?” Alex manages to ask, his voice coming out scratchy and hoarse. “Is he okay? Can I see him? Is – “

“They won’t tell us anything,” Bellamy interrupts, pulling away and wiping a hand across his eyes. His face is splotched with red, eyes watery. “All…all we know is that he was unconscious when they brought him in.”

Alex feels his throat tighten even more. “But he…he was breathing, right?” He almost doesn’t want to know the answer, too scared to hear it, but then Bellamy nods.

“Yes. They didn’t need to do CPR or anything, but he wasn’t conscious. That’s all we know.”

“Well we need to go see him! We need to go get some answers! We – “

“We can’t,” Bellamy says, voice cracking. “I’ve already tried! I tried _everything_ , okay? They won’t let us see him, they won’t…they…” Bellamy’s face crumples, and Alex sees Herc stand up, wrapping an arm around Bellamy’s shoulders.

“Aaron’s uncle is on his way,” they say gently. “He’ll be an hour or so, but then he’ll talk to the doctor, and we’ll know more. We just have to wait.”

Alex scowls. Waiting is the last thing he wants to do. He’s opening his mouth to say that he’ll figure out a way to do something when Maria’s hand is slipping back into his.

“C’mon,” she says, tugging Alex towards some of the chairs, forcing him to sit down. “You’re worked up, you need to just sit for a little, okay?”

“Of course I’m fucking worked up,” Alex snaps. “My boyfriend got hit by a car!”

“So did my best friend,” Maria retorts, expression clouding for a moment. But then she sighs, and squeezes Alex’s hand. “Just…just…”

“I’m sorry,” Alex grumbles once Maria trails off, but she shakes her head and closes her eyes, falling silent.

Alex is silent, too, hand limp in Maria’s as he stares down at the hospital floor. He can’t do this. Can’t sit here and just wait for hours and hours to know if Aaron is okay. He has to know right now. He can’t just sit not knowing. This is his boyfriend, this is _Aaron_ , Alex needs to know.

He can’t lose him.

Alex’s breath catches at that thought, stomach lurching. He won’t lose Aaron. He’s going to be fine, he has to be fine.

Despite trying to tell himself that, all of the worst scenarios start to swirl inside Alex’s mind. He starts to think of what his life would be like without Aaron, of what it will be like if Aaron doesn’t make it, if he dies. That can’t happen. What if Alex doesn't even get to say goodbye? What if it's already too late?

“I’m going to go look for coffee,” Alex blurts out as he stands, not looking at anyone. He runs a hand through his hair, hoping it will hide the fact that his hand is starting to shake. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He starts to walk, thinks he hears someone call his name but keeps going, needing to move around, to do something, to not just sit and think and worry. It’s all too much, making his skin feel itchy and his head whirl.

Alex wanders aimlessly for a while, not really even looking for coffee. He’s too jittery as it is, coffee would only make it worse.

He just can’t stop thinking of the phone call. Of how helpless he’d felt when he’d gotten it. He should have been there with Aaron. It wouldn’t have even happened if Alex had just talked to him when he’d first come over. If they’d talked, Aaron wouldn’t have gone out for a walk, would have been safe in Alex’s room, not hurt like he is now.

Alex pauses, leaning against a wall to catch his breath. His heart is pounding uncomfortably in his chest. As he takes in a few deep breaths, he glances around and then immediately flattens himself further against the wall when a nurse comes around the corner jogging, wheeling a patient on a gurney quickly through the hallway.

Alex looks at the patient as they go, oxygen tubes in their nose, eyes closed, unmoving. His breath comes in short pants again, and he squeezes his eyes shut, Aaron’s face swimming to the forefront of his mind, replacing the patient on the gurney, _his_ eyes closed and _his_ face unmoving.

What if he’s really hurt? What if it’s bad? More than bad? What if he –

“Alex?” A soft hand slips into his. “Alex? Are you okay?”

Alex lets out a short laugh, opening his eyes to see Eliza staring at him with concern. “Define okay.”

Eliza gives him a small smile. “I know waiting is scary, but you shouldn’t go off alone.”

“I needed to do something. Just…just sitting there is killing me. Why won’t they tell us anything? I just want to see him, I just - ” He cuts off, biting hard at his lower lip to stop it from trembling.

“Come back to the waiting room,” Eliza tells him gently. “Come sit with everyone. I know it sucks, Alex, I know it’s stupid and frustrating, but for now it’s all we can do.”

Alex nods, knowing that she’s right, but also kind of hating that she’s right. He wants a solution to all of this, wants someone to tell him a way to get answers, wants everything to just be okay.

He tries to smile at Eliza, then takes a small step to the side, meaning to start walking back to the waiting room, but Eliza stops him, moving her arms to wrap them around Alex’s neck, pulling him into a tight hug.

And Alex relaxes somewhat, letting his own arms go around her, hugging her back. Alex thinks that just staying here like this would be better than sitting in that crowded, silent waiting room, and he almost opens his mouth to say that to Eliza when his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“Hello?” Alex says into his phone once he pulls away from Eliza.

“Aaron’s uncle is here,” Bellamy says quickly. “He just went into the room to talk to the doctor."

“We’re coming back right now.”

Alex and Eliza rush back to the waiting room, all of their friends looking more alert, sitting on the edges of their seats or speaking lowly to the person beside them.

“Do we know anything yet?” Alex asks, but Bellamy shakes his head.

“His uncle is still in the room talking to the doctor.”

Alex wrings his hands and turns, beginning to pace up and down the floor. He’s vaguely aware of Eliza moving around him to take her seat beside Theodosia again, but then everything else moves to the background, and Alex just focuses on pacing, on moving back and forth until Aaron’s uncle comes out.

He’s not sure how long it is, but eventually Alex hears footsteps, and he looks up to see Aaron’s uncle emerging from the hallway.

“How is he?” Alex asks immediately, Bellamy coming up to stand beside him. “Is he okay? Is it serious?”

“He is fine,” Aaron’s uncle responds curtly, starting to slip his jacket on. “His arm is broken, as are a few ribs. They were a little worried about a possible concussion, but that has seemed to pass as well.”

Alex swallows, the bubble of fear and tension inside his chest popping. He swallows and takes a few steps back until the back of his knees hit a chair. He sinks down into it, letting out a shaky laugh. “He’s okay.”

“He is.” Aaron’s uncle looks around at them all, and then away. “And now I will be getting back home. I suggest you all go about your own business as well, instead of fretting unnecessarily.”

“You’re leaving?” Bellamy asks, his voice hoarse. “You can’t leave! What if something happens? What if you need to be here! You live hours away, you can’t _leav_ e.”

“Aaron is fine, Jonathan. And I wasted enough time driving down here for nothing, so I – “

“Fuck you,” Bellamy spits, and Alex jerks his head up, mouth dropping as he stares at Bellamy. He thinks he hears Herc snicker. “That’s your response to your nephew getting hit by a _car_? That it’s this big inconvenience to you?”

“That’s not what I – “

“It _is_ what you said! It’s what you always say! Aaron is ten times the man you are, and you’ve been nothing but an ass to him for years!”

Alex watches the exchange with his mouth still hanging open, and then sees the way Bellamy’s hands are clenched into fists. Even though he agrees with everything Bellamy is saying, Alex stands up and walks over to him, carefully grabbing his wrist. It wouldn’t go over well if Bellamy punched Aaron’s uncle. “Bell, hey, it’s okay, you got your point across.”

“I haven’t even started,” Bellamy retorts, his eyes still on Aaron’s uncle, whose jaw is twitching. “You’re a selfish prick, and Aaron is gonna leave just like Sally did, because everyone can see what a piece of shit you are. You’re _nothing_. And you know what? I changed my mind. I _want_ you to leave. I want you to get in your car and leave and not come back here again, because Aaron doesn’t need you. You’re not his family. So fuck off.”

Aaron’s uncle blinks at Bellamy, his mouth a thin line. He stares for a few moments longer, the air tense, but then he nods once, turning on his heels as he heads for the doors, not looking back.

“Holy shit,” Alex states, returning his gaze to Bellamy, who’s breathing heavily. “I’m kind of attracted to you right now.” He glances at Herc, whose eyebrows are raised. “I mean, like….wow.”

“Too much?” Bellamy asks, sounding a little embarrassed, but Alex shakes his head.

“No, no! That was perfect.” He punches Bellamy gently on the shoulder. “And I’d expect nothing less scathing from the guy who once barricaded me out of the dorm.”

Bellamy grins at that, then looks around at the rest of their friends. “We should go see Aaron!”

“You guys go,” Angelica says. “There’s a lot of us, we don’t want to overwhelm him. You go, we’ll visit later.”

Bellamy nods, already starting to walk over to the room. Maria stands as well, following him, and Alex hesitates a moment before doing the same. But he pauses outside the door, and Bellamy turns to him.

“You good?”

“I…” Alex swallows, a sense of dread suddenly hitting him. “Just…you two go first, I…I just need…” He doesn’t know how to say it. How to say that he’s scared to see Aaron. He knows he’s okay, but what if he doesn’t _look_ okay? What if he’s all beat up and broken and…and _small_. He remembers how small his mother had looked when she’d gotten sick. She hadn’t looked like herself.

Bellamy smiles at him. “Hey. Take your time. We’ll see him first. Then you can have the room to yourself.”

Alex nods, grateful that Bellamy understands. He watches as him and Maria enter the room, closing the door halfway, making their voices somewhat discernable, although Alex doesn’t listen. He’s focused on steeling himself to see Aaron.

Not too much time passes before the door is opening, Bellamy and Maria stepping out, both of them with watery eyes, but looking relieved. Bellamy nods at Alex, and Maria reaches out to squeeze his hand.

“We’ll be in the waiting room when you’re done.”

Alex gives them both a quick smile before letting them pass. Then he steps into the room, breathing deep through his nose before letting his eyes slowly move up from the ground.

Aaron is propped up on the hospital bed, arm in a cast. His face is tilted towards the door, giving Alex a full view of the bruises and cuts that litter his skin. The largest one is one his forehead, and has been stitched up.

When the door closes behind him, Aaron’s eyes blink open, and after a few more seconds, he smiles.

“Hey,” he croaks out, shifting a little and wincing at the movement.

Alex steps forward, keeps going until he’s at the edge of the bed. Then he reaches out, fingers finding Aaron’s uninjured hand, comfort and calm starting to settle over him when he feels how warm Aaron’s skin is. He meets his gaze.

“You should have just told me that you didn’t want to come talk to me, instead of going and getting hit by a car to avoid it.”

Aaron blinks once, then he laughs, the sound soft and tired, but Alex’s chest swells anyway and he squeezes Aaron’s hand.

He starts to laugh, too, smoothing his thumb over the back of Aaron’s hand. At some point, though, Alex’s throat grows tight, and the corners of his eyes start to burn. Somehow he finds himself crying, still clutching at Aaron’s hand as tears start to slip down his cheeks.

Aaron murmurs something to him, but it doesn’t register in Alex’s mind. He just shakes his head and continues to cry, the reality of what happened, of what _could_ have happened, crashing down on him in waves.

“Alexander,” Aaron says, tugging at his hand. “Alexander, it’s okay. I’m okay. Look at me. Everything is okay.”

“I know,” Alex breathes out, sniffling. “I know, I’m being stupid.”

“That’s not what I said. Just…come on, sit down.”

Alex nods, letting go of Aaron’s hand so he can grab one of the chairs against the wall, dragging it over to the bed and plopping down onto it with a shaky exhale. Aaron takes his hand again, staring in concern, which Alex finds completely ironic.

“I just…” Alex pauses to clear his throat. “I keep thinking of how we were in a fight a-and…and how you were mad at me and how I was being so stand-offish and that’s how it could have ended between us and – “

“Alexander,” Aaron says again, voice firm. “Look at me.” He waits until Alex does to continue. “I’m okay. I’m here. And we’re okay, right? You said that on the phone to me. Everything is okay!”

Alex lets his eyes roam over Aaron’s face, taking in every detail. “Okay,” he breathes out. “Yeah…I know. I’m glad you’re here. Or, I mean, not here in the hospital, obviously, but…here.”

Aaron snorts, but then his smile softens the longer he stares at Alex. “Me, too.”

Alex returns the smile. “Did…did you still want to have that talk?”

“I do. But not now. I’m pumped up of so many pain meds, I feel pretty out of it. But…later.”

“Later,” Alex agrees with a nod, feeling somewhat relieved that he doesn’t need to have the conversation just yet. His mind feels too frazzled. “Am I allowed to sleep here?” He asks, not wanting to leave Aaron alone.

“I don’t think so,” Aaron tells him with a short laugh. “Only family can, if even them.”

Alex pouts. “But…you’ll be alone.”

Aaron smiles. “I’ll just sleep most of the time. Then you’ll visit tomorrow. Right?” Aaron’s voice is suddenly hesitant.

“Of course!” Alex blurts out. “I’ll come as soon as I can! I’ll bring all my work and just do it here, and I can skip a few classes to be here and I can bring you some things if you need it, and oh I can email your professors for you, if you haven’t done that yet, seeing as you won’t be able to go to classes for a bit, and – “

“Thank you,” Aaron interrupts, starting to laugh again. “That all sounds great.” His eyes trail over Alex’s face, and then he blinks, slow and heavy. “Don’t hate me, but I think I’m about to fall asleep.”

Alex squeezes his hand. “Do I need to get a nurse or anything?” He nods when Aaron shakes his head. “Hey…how’s your face feeling?”

“My face?” Aaron asks with furrowed brows.

“Yeah. Like…does it hurt? Can I kiss you?”

Aaron smiles at that, his chin tilting up. “Go for it.”

Alex stands up so he can bend over the bed, pressing his lips to Aaron’s in a gentle kiss, doing his best to not let his nose or forehead bump against Aaron’s face. But he keeps kissing him, deepening it just a little when Aaron hums against his mouth. Then he pulls away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he murmurs, face still just inches away from Aaron’s. It’s too tempting, so he leans in for another kiss. “Do you need me to bring you anything?”

“Headphones, maybe? So I can listen to music.”

“Your phone still works?”

“That, somehow, got out of this unharmed.”

Alex rolls his eyes, because of course it did. “Okay. Well I’ll be back as soon as visiting hours start with headphones, and with snacks! Can I give you snacks? Probably not, but I’ll bring some anyway. Maybe another pillow, too, those look gross. And hey, don’t scratch under your cast, I’ve heard that’s bad.”

Aaron smiles up at him. “Yes, dear.”

“Hey.” Alex feels his face flush. “Shut up.”

“I like you smothering me with attention.”

“I’ll smother you with a pillow if you keep teasing me.”

“Is that a way to talk to your injured boyfriend?” Aaron chuckles when Alex frowns. “Seriously, Alexander, I’m fine. Go home, go sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Alex chews at his lip, teetering back on his heels as he looks at Aaron. He doesn’t want to leave. What if something happens and he isn’t here? What if –

“Alexander, I’m _fine_. Besides, my ribs hurt from laughing, so you’d be doing me a favor.”

Alex sighs, but he leans back to press one more kiss to Aaron’s lips before finally taking a step back. “Okay…okay.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Alex agrees, walking to the door and looking back at Aaron briefly before finally leaving.

When he gets back to the waiting room, Bellamy, Herc, Eliza, and Theodosia are all still waiting for him, the rest of their friends having left.

“Hey,” Alex says when he reaches them, letting a smile spread across his face, and Eliza looks relieved.

“He’s good?”

“He’s good,” Alex confirms. “Sleeping. He said he’ll be up for more visitors tomorrow. So I’m just gonna go home and pass out and then bring some stuff to him tomorrow morning and spend most of the day here and – what?” He looks between all of his friends, who are giving him small smiles, and then Bellamy shakes his head.

“That all sounds great, Alex. But come stay with the apartment with us tonight. A lot of us are going to be there.”

“Laf and John are already rearranging furniture to make room for everyone,” Herc adds when Alex says nothing. “It’ll just be a giant cuddle pile, minus Thomas and James. They didn’t seem too keen on the idea.”

Alex hesitates with an answer, not really sure if he wants to do that. It’ll be a lot of people, and he’s tired, wants to sleep. “I’m not – “

“Come, Alex,” Eliza says, stepping forward to take his hand. “You shouldn’t be alone tonight. We’re just gonna eat some food and then sleep, nothing crazy. Someone will drive you back to the hospital in the morning.”

An hour later, Alex finds himself lying on top of a pile of blankets in the living room of Herc, Laf, and Maria’s apartment, smushed between John and Eliza.

Someone is snoring, the noise keeping Alex from fully falling asleep. So he just blinks up at the ceiling instead, willing time to pass faster so it’s morning and he can go back and see Aaron. He should have stayed at the hospital. Why did he leave? He could have slept in the waiting room.

“I can hear you freaking out from here,” a tired voice mumbles, and Alex turns his head to see John flipping onto his side to stare at Alex. “You need to sleep.”

Alex feels a stab of annoyance. He wants people to stop telling him what he needs. “I’m aware. Punch whoever is snoring and I’ll fall asleep immediately.”

“No way am I punching Angelica.”

Alex snorts at that, bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes. “Looks like I won’t be sleeping, then.”

John sighs, and then he’s sitting up, nudging at Alex for him to do the same, which he does with a grumble. Then John shifts behind him, crossing his legs. “Head in my lap, please.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“I’m aware. Do it.”

Alex lays back, his head resting on John’s lap. Then there are fingers trailing through his hair. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get you to fucking relax and go to sleep.”

Alex scowls, almost moving to get up again, but then John’s fingers move to his temple, massaging, and he relaxes against him reluctantly. “You don’t need to do this, I’m not a baby.”

“Alex, just shut up. It’s been a long day, I’m trying to be nice, which is rare, so bask in it.” His fingers go back to his hair, nails scratching at his scalp. “Besides, you being awake is keeping me awake. If it makes you feel better to think I’m doing this for me, then go ahead and think that instead.”

Alex chews at his lip, but then he lets his eyes close, focusing on the repetitive motion of John’s hands instead of his thoughts or the noises in the room.

He’s not sure how long they both stay like that, John’s hands never stopping, but at some point Alex feels his breathing even out and become slower, and he feels himself start to slip into sleep.

-

The next morning, Alex makes Bellamy drive back to their dorm before going to the hospital so he can grab a few things for Aaron, including the birthday gift he’d gotten for him over spring break. He was planning on a better moment to give it to him, but ultimately decides that now is as good a time as ever.

They get to the hospital around 11, Alex deciding to skip his morning class. Him and Bellamy both visit Aaron for a little, but then Bellamy ducks out about an hour later, leaving Aaron and Alex alone.

“I brought headphones,” Alex declares, tossing them onto Aaron’s lap. “Shit, sorry, did that hurt?”

“No, Alexander,” Aaron says with a roll of his eyes, but Alex can see his lips curving up into a smile.

“Oh, and here.” Alex opens his bag, drawing out the bear he’d stuffed inside this morning. “It’s a very belated birthday gift.” He holds it out to Aaron, showing off the tan fur and the clothes its wearing; a blue hoodie and jeans, with glasses hooked behind its ears.

And Aaron stares at it. “Is it supposed to be…”

“It’s me!” Alex wiggles the bear, and then sets it down on the bedside table with a laugh. “I have one that’s you, so I figured it’s only fair that you get one. Although Ham Bear doesn’t sound as good as Burr Bear.”

Aaron groans, but his eyes stay on the bear, and Alex smirks.

“I even put glasses on him, cause I know how into that you are.”

“Yeah, on _you_ , not a stuffed bear.”

“You like it, admit it.”

Aaron’s eyes flick between the bear and Alex. “Maybe a little.”

“You love it,” Alex says, bending down to kiss Aaron, feeling him smile beneath his lips. “Hey, would you totally hate me if I went to class this afternoon? We’re starting a new subject.”

“I would totally hate you.”

“Aaron.”

“No, Alexander, that’s fine.” Aaron stretches out on the bed, wincing a little when his arm bumps up against the table. “Go to class. I can manage for an hour on my own.”

“Are you sure?”

“ _Yes_.”

Alex stands up. “I’ll keep my phone on. So like, call me if you need something.”

“Yes, dear,” Aaron says, a smirk on his face.

Alex rolls his eyes, but he slings his backpack onto his shoulder and turns away to walk towards the door. But then Aaron’s fingers wrap around his wrist, and when Alex looks back, Aaron is still staring at him, but his expression has changed into something more serious. “What?”

Aaron licks his lips, mouth opening, but nothing comes out. Alex sees his chest rise and fall in a deep breath before their eyes are meeting. “I love you.”

Alex blinks down at him, stomach flip-flopping. “What?” He repeats, suddenly feeling unsteady on his feet.

“I said that I – “

Alex rushes forward before Aaron can finish, leaning down again to kiss him deeply, one hand resting on Aaron’s cheek as the other holds his weight up, not wanting to brush against Aaron’s ribs. “Say it again,” Alex breathes out, pulling back enough to see Aaron’s smile.

“I was trying to, but you cut me off,” he grumbles, but then his hand comes up to move a strand of hair off of Alex’s forehead. “I love you.”

Alex kisses him again. “You sound so good saying that,” he says with a smile of his own. “I love you, too.”

“Good to know.”

“No, Aaron, seriously.”

“I certainly hope you’re serious.”

“I am,” Alex murmurs. “I know I was acting weird earlier and that you probably hated me and I hate myself for making you upset and – “

“Alexander, stop.” Aaron shakes his head, looking both exasperated and immensely fond, which makes Alex’s face flush. “Later.”

Alex nods. “Okay. I’ll stop by again after class.”

“Sounds good.”

Alex grabs his backpack and goes over to the door, opening it. Then he looks back at Aaron, who’s already staring back. “I love you,” he says again, meaning it but also wanting to hear Aaron say it again.

Aaron smiles. “I love you, too.”

Alex grins back at him, and his heart jumps in his chest. He could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay progress but also *ominous music* how long will the good feelings last? (hint: not long)
> 
> as always, thank you for reading!!!! kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation (and would be super duper appreciated with this one, cause i start fall semester classes tomorrow and would love to be distracted by comments :D )
> 
> thanks again! follow me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if ya want!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another update!!!
> 
> Enjoy x

Two days later is when the boredom starts to settle in.

Alexander visits whenever he can, which is a lot, but he’s in and out most of the time, staying for an hour or less before having to head out again. And Aaron gets it, Alexander has classes, has things to do.

But he’s so _bored_.

Having his phone had helped for a bit, but Aaron had forgotten to ask Alexander to bring his charger, and his phone had died last night. Now he doesn’t even have a way to know when someone is coming to visit.

Aaron shifts on the bed and stares at the clock. It’s only a little after one. He just wants to be distracted from the ache in his body and the occasional, sharp pains in his ribs. Everything hurts, and he has nothing to think about except how much everything hurts.

He shuts his eyes and takes in a few deep breaths, trying to just not focus on it. He lets his mind wander, letting it go to the memory that it’s been going to whenever Aaron closes his eyes; it goes to him telling Alexander that he loves him.

Alexander had looked so happy that all of Aaron’s nerves at saying it basically vanished. He’s still a little unsure about whether or not he would have has the courage to say it if he hadn't full of pain medication, but he knows that he meant it, regardless of the timing.

After Alexander left, he’d sent Aaron about five texts all of which said ‘I love you!’ with various emojis. So Aaron’s glad that he finally said it, is glad that things between him and Alexander seem to be okay.

He knows that they still need to talk, that they need to get whatever was going on before out in the open, but Aaron has been putting it off, and Alexander has been letting him. He thinks that they both just want to pretend nothing is wrong for a little bit longer.

“You look like shit.”

Aaron opens his eyes, turning to the doorway to see Thomas standing there with three blue balloons in his hand. Aaron blinks. This is the first time he’s visited. “Hey to you, too."

“Courtesy of me and James,” Thomas says, tugging at the balloons when Aaron continues to keep staring at them. “I wanted to find ones that said ‘get better asshole’ but James thought it was in bad taste.”

Aaron chuckles at that, smiling as Thomas walks forward to tie them to the end of his bed. Then he’s straightening up and digging into his bag, pulling out a picture frame.

“From Maria,” he says, moving to set it on Aaron’s bedside table. “She kept forgetting to give you your own copy. Although you should know that yours is the only one to get framed.”

Aaron shifts so he can see it, smile widening when he takes in the drawing of him and Alexander from all those months ago, when they were still fake dating. “Well, we do look the best.”

Thomas just raises his eyebrows at that, angling the frame so it’s facing Aaron’s bed. Then Thomas sits, the mattress dipping. He doesn’t quite look at Aaron, and is silent for a few seconds. “You scared all of us, you know,” he says quietly.

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Thomas laughs, the sound humorless. He bites at his lower lip, and Aaron just watches, not knowing what it is he’s getting ready to say.

“I thought you did,” Thomas murmurs lowly, and Aaron sees him swallow. “When I got the call, that you stepped into the street and got hit, I thought…I thought that you – “ He cuts off for a moment, jaw tightening. “This year has been weird. You’ve been weird. _I’ve_ been weird. So I just…I thought you were struggling and I didn’t notice and that – “

Aaron reaches out his hand to rest it on Thomas’s leg, stopping him from continuing. “I’m not…I didn’t do that. I was being stupid, not paying attention, which shouldn’t be a surprise, I never do.” He moves his hand to cover Thomas’s. “You’re the one who always pays attention,” he continues softly. “I’ve been trying to do that more.”

Thomas blinks at him for a long moment, then he chuckles. “Yeah, well, you’ve got a long way to go.” He laughs again, and then clears his throat as he looks away. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, may I ask why in the fresh fuck you have a bear that looks eerily similar to Hamilton on your table?”

Aaron follows his gaze, snorting when he sees the Build-A-Bear Alexander had given him yesterday sitting there. “He made me get him one that looked like me, and for some insane reason figured I’d want one of him.”

“How…thoughtful.”

Aaron shrugs. “It is, in a weird way, for him at least.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Thomas looks back down at him. “So you two are going strong?”

Aaron dips his head down into a nod, fiddling with the blanket between his fingers. “I told him I loved him.”

Thomas blinks at him, then smirks. “Romantic bastard. When he first came to visit you?”

“Seemed as good a time as any.”

“You’re both very dramatic.” Thomas rolls his eyes when Aaron shrugs, and then he grins. “Speaking of dramatic, did Bellamy tell you about his little call out session with your uncle?”

Aaron groans. “He did.” He has no idea what his uncle is going to say about it the next time they see each other. But Aaron is glad he left. He doesn’t want him here.

“I recorded it on my phone, if you ever want to see it.”

“Thanks,” Aaron tells him dryly, although he is a little touched by the fact, and will probably want to see it once he’s feeling better. “And thanks for the balloons and bringing the drawing.”

Thomas shrugs. “Sure. Figured you must be getting bored of staring at the walls all day. How much longer are you in here?”

“Two more days, I think.”

“Well, I’ll visit more tomorrow, then.” Thomas stands. “I’ve got shit to do. But I’ll see you later.” He goes over to the door, pausing and turning back. “I’m glad you didn’t step out into the street on purpose,” he says, and then coughs into his hand. “Or…you know, I’m happy that you’re happy.”

Aaron smiles. “Yeah.”

Thomas’s eyes stay on his for a moment longer, and then he’s nodding, stepping through the doorway and closing the door with a soft click.

And Aaron stares at the door after it's closed, mind going a little hazy. He’s tired again. He always feels tired. But the good thing is that he can sleep whenever he wants while he’s here, and no one will judge him for it. So he lets his eyes shut, and sleep washes over him within seconds.

When Aaron wakes up the next time, he keeps his eyes shut, not quite ready to see the harsh glare of the hospital lights.

He’s vaguely aware of someone sitting beside him on his bed, their hand in his. He thinks it’s Alexander, at first, but when he starts to wake up more, he registers that the hand is smoother than Alexander’s. Smaller, too.

Aaron exhales through his nose, angling his head to face the person sitting beside him and trying to motivate himself to open his eyes. His eyelids feel heavy, though, and his ribs ache. He’s tempted to just fall back asleep.

But then the person on the bed shifts, and Aaron winces at the way it unexpectedly causes his own body to move. He cracks open his eyes, intending to tell the person to stop, but then he pauses.

Their outline is blurry, Aaron’s eyes not yet adjusted to the bright lights. All he can make out are long, dark braids. He blinks. Why is that so familiar?

“Aaron?” The blur asks, voice soft.

But Aaron just groans in response, and the person laughs, the sound so familiar but also not, making Aaron’s head spin in confusion. He brings up his good hand and rubs at his eyes, trying to get them to work properly.

“You’re really drugged up, aren’t you?” The person laughs again. “This is bringing back memories of that time you had your wisdom teeth out. You were so out of it, kept trying to convince me you were Spiderman.”

“Superman,” Aaron corrects, letting his hand drop back to his side. He feels the hand holding his squeeze tightly, and he winces. “ _Sally_ , that hurts, I – “ He cuts off there, eyes flying open when he realizes what he just said.

He turns his head, blinking rapidly at the person sitting beside him, heart stuttering in his chest.

“Hey,” Sally murmurs, a hesitant smile on her face, like she knows that Aaron must be internally freaking out. “I tried waking you up when I first got here, but you weren’t having it.” She shifts on the bed, and Aaron just keeps staring, feeling almost numb. “I would have been here sooner, but it took me a while to get a hold of anyone who could tell me where you were. I ended up having to call uncle Tim, and then he told me you got hit by a car and – “ Sally cuts off, mouth closing. She shakes her head. “And well, here I am.”

Aaron stares at her, his voice not seeming to want to work. Is she really sitting there? Or is he dreaming? He looks down at their hands, flexes his own for a moment before letting his fingers intertwine with Sally’s again. Then he looks back up at her, noting the way she’s watching him with a wary expression.

“Hi,” he finally manages to say, his voice coming out a little hoarse. He clears his throat, tries to say something more, but his heart is pounding now, the feeling of it bouncing against his ribcage distracting him. He’s still having a little trouble figuring out if this is real or not. He hopes it's real.

“Hi,” Sally says again, lips curving into a smile. She laughs after a few beats of silence. “You’d think we’d have more to say after more than ten months of being apart.”

Now Aaron laughs, the sound coming out raspy. He tries to push himself up, wincing as he does, and Sally unlaces their fingers so she can put both her hands on Aaron’s shoulders, steadying him.

“You’ll hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Aaron tells her, getting into a sitting position with only a bit of trouble. Then he goes back to staring at his sister, taking in every detail. It's been so long. 

The first thing he notices is how much healthier she looks. While there are bags under her eyes right now, she just looks…better. Happier.

Aaron pushes down the slight jealousy that rises in him, and finally smiles back. “You look good.”

“Wish I could say the same to you.”

Aaron snorts. “Yeah, well…” He trails off for a moment, mind latching onto something Sally had said earlier. “Did you really call uncle Tim?” He's curious, and it's a good place to start. He doesn't even know what to say to his sister, after all this time. He doesn't like that feeling.

“I did. I didn’t know what else to do. I tried calling you after the call ended so fast, but I’m guessing you didn’t have your phone on you for a bit.”

“Sorry.”

Sally shakes her head. “Not blaming you. You've got a good excuse. But yeah, uncle Tim answered eventually, after I left a message and then called again. He told me what happened, but wouldn’t say what hospital you were in. Wasn’t that hard to figure it out though.”

“So you came.” Just saying those words makes Aaron's stomach flip. He can't believe Sally is _here._

“I did.”

Aaron swallows, throat tight. He swallows again. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah?” Sally gives him a small smile. “C’mon. It’s not like I’d let my baby bro be holed up in a hospital without checking in.”

“I would have gotten hit by a car sooner if I’d known that.”

Sally stares at him for a long moment, then looks away with a sigh, her expression pinched. “Don’t say that, Aaron.”

“It’s true.” He picks at his bed sheets, eyes still on Sally, worried that if he looks away she’ll disappear. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

He takes a deep breath, the question he wants to ask on the tip of his tongue. “Then why did it take me getting hit by a car for you to come see me?”

Sally goes silent at that, still looking away from Aaron. She rubs her hands over her jeans, face tilting even further away so he can’t even see her expression. Then she shrugs.

“Sally…”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” she says, voice cracking over the words. “I know I fucked up. I fucked everything up. I didn’t mean to.” She turns back to him, eyes misty. “I was just…I was trying to make things _better_. I thought I was doing what I had to do, what would be best for both of us.”

Aaron tries not to scoff at her words. “How was you leaving what was best? It wasn’t. Not for me.” He can feel pent up anger starting to spill out of him, and he tries to reign it back in, to give Sally a chance to explain. He’s waited so long for an explanation. “I want to know why you did it.”

Sally’s jaw clenches, and Aaron watches as she swipes a hand over her cheek. “I just…I _had_ to go, Aaron. I was done following his rules. And I knew if I just dropped out of school and stayed in the area, he would try to bribe me to go back. He would cut off money. He would stop paying for your tuition. There would be _something_ he would do that would make me go back. So I left.”

“You could have brought me with you,” Aaron says bitterly, hating that Sally is making it out like he's some burden that she had to leave behind.

But Sally just shakes her head. “No. I didn’t even have a plan at first. I wasn’t gonna drag you along into such a mess. Besides, you like school.” She nudges Aaron’s leg with her knee. “You’re a nerd.”

Aaron doesn’t laugh. “I would have come with you.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t ask.”

“But that’s – “

 _“My_ choice. That was my choice. I’m sorry it hurt you, Aaron, I am. I know I could have done better, but I didn’t.” She reaches out for his hand again, looking relieved when Aaron doesn’t push her away. “I know you hate hearing this, but I did it for you, for both of us. I’m twenty-one in a week. I’ll get my inheritance. I’ll use it to pay for your college so you can move out and – “

“What?” Aaron interrupts, his heartbeat speeding up again at Sally's words. He can leave his uncle’s house? He can get out of his grip? “You…what? But you need money for yourself, you - ”

“That’s why I was gone so long,” Sally continues. “I had like…five jobs, Aaron. I saved up money for myself to use if your tuition is too much. Plus I figured you could come live with me during the summer and on breaks. I mean, I’m sure mom and dad left us a fuckton of money, but I just wanted to make sure that I could provide and – “

Aaron pushes himself forward, flinging his one arm around Sally’s neck. He hugs her tight, trying to slow down his breathing. He can't believe this is happening. He lets out a shaky exhale when Sally hugs him back, and he presses his face against her shoulder.

“Can I come live with you now?”

Sally chuckles, one of her hands rubbing Aaron’s back. “Not yet. You’ve gotta finish the semester, and I want to find a better apartment, which I’ll be able to do after my birthday.”

Aaron wants to argue, wants to say that he’d drop out right now if it meant he could go and live with her, if he could get away from his uncle. But he nods. “But as soon as the semester is over…” He trails off, unable to put into words how much he wants to live with Sally.

“I’ll already have a room set up for you,” Sally tells him, pulling back and smiling. “And any friends you want invite, there’ll be room. We can be the party house.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Let’s not do that.” His mind goes to Alexander, to the idea of them spending the summer together. “But…maybe a few people could visit.”

Sally claps her hands together, looking so excited that Aaron can’t help but laugh. “You’re friends are gonna love me.”

Aaron’s smile falters a little, and Sally’s expression does the same. “Sally, I – “

“Oh god. Your friends hate me. I mean, of course they do. I fucking left and made them deal with the consequences. Okay, well, if they come over then I’ll just disappear. You guys can have the place to yourselves, I’ll just – “

“ _Sally_.” Aaron puts his hand over hers. “It’s fine. They’ll like you. Well, I feel like Maria is the type to definitely chew you out when I’m not there. But once she does that she’ll like you.”

“I guess I deserve that.” She gives his hand a small squeeze. “But you and me…we’re okay, right?”

Aaron stares at his sister and chews at the inside of his cheek as he thinks. He knows things won’t just go back to normal, that there are still things they need to talk about, but for now…

“Yeah, we’re okay.”

Sally beams at him. “Good.” She glances around the room. “Once you’re outta here I’ll come take you all out to dinner or something. I plan on staying close. I can help you get situated in your dorm again, and - oh hey!” Sally reaches over to pick up the framed drawing on Aaron’s table, bringing it up closer to her face. “Wait, who is this?” She points to Alexander.

Aaron smiles. “That’s Alexander. My boyfriend.” He can’t wait to introduce them. He thinks they’ll get along pretty well. Maybe too well. He’s not sure how he’ll feel about that, actually.

“This is your boyfriend?” She jabs her finger at the frame. “This guy, right here, he’s the angry one I talked to on the phone that one time? You and him are dating?”

“Yeah?” Aaron gives his sister a confused glance. “What? Is there a problem?”

Sally stares hard at the picture for a few more seconds before lowering it, gaze moving back to Aaron. “I’ve met him.”

“What?” Aaron asks over a laugh, shifting on the bed in an attempt to get more comfortable. “You have _not_ met him.”

“I have,” Sally insists, setting the frame back on the bedside table. She bites at her lip. “It was months ago. I came to campus wanting to see you after you stopped answering calls. But then I got here and I got too nervous. I had no idea what I wanted to say to you, so I chickened out. But I ran into him, Alexander, when I was walking around looking for your dorm.”

Aaron blinks at her, the information taking longer than usual to actually register in his brain. He shakes his head and lets out another laugh, but this one sounds weird, echoey and hollow. She has to be wrong. “There’s…no, you can’t have met him. It must have been someone else.”

“Does he have a twin?”

“No,” Aaron says, his tone harsher than he means it to be. He can feel a weight starting to settle in his chest. Confusion. Panic. “But that can’t have been him. He would have…” Aaron trails off there, the rest of his sentence getting caught in his throat. Would Alexander have told him? Aaron wants to think yes, but now he doesn’t know.

“Maybe it wasn’t him,” Sally says lightly, smiling at Aaron with a furrow between her eyebrows. “I’m probably wrong. Let’s just – “ She cuts off when the door opens, turning around to see who it is.

And Aaron follows her gaze, his own landing on the doorway as well, just in time to see Alexander step in.

“Hey, I – “ Alexander cuts off, eyes widening as he takes in the sight in front of him. Aaron sees his eyes lock on Sally, face paling as she stands up, and then his eyes move to Aaron. “I – “

“This is Sally,” Aaron says, his voice coming out flat. His mouth feels dry all of a sudden. “But you already know that, don’t you?”

“Aaron, look, I – “

“How could you not tell me?” Aaron asks, something cold and heavy seeping through him. “How could you not tell me that you saw her, that you met her? How could not tell me that?” Aaron swallows after his voice cracks, pushing himself up with his good hand so he can look at Alexander better, so he can see the way the guilt is spreading across his face. “You knew, you knew for at least a week. Or was it longer? Has it been months? Has it – “

“It’s only been a week,” Alexander says quickly, taking a step closer, panic written all over his face. “A little more, but it hasn’t been months, Aaron, I _swear_. I was going to tell you! I was trying to tell you, but then we kept putting it off and I didn’t know what to do!”

“All you had to do was talk to me!” Aaron says, his voice rising. “All you had to do was tell me, ‘Hey, Aaron, you know your sister that has been missing for almost a fucking year? I saw her on campus.’ That’s it! That’s all, Alexander! It's easy!” Why do people keep doing this to him? Why do people keep tricking him into thinking that they care about him, and then turn around and lie to him?

“It wasn’t that simple!” Alexander says back, his voice starting to rise as well. “There was so much going on and you were angry with her!" He points to Sally, who is standing beside the bed in shock. "And I didn’t know I’d seen her until we were at your house and I wanted to tell you but what your uncle told me made me worry that – “

“What my uncle told you? You talked to my uncle?” Aaron asks, even more anger starting to crawl over him. “What were you doing talking to him?” What did his uncle say? Why did Alexander even talk to him? Why would he do that?

“I didn’t plan it! He came up to me that first morning, told me all this stuff about Sally leaving because she didn’t like having to take care of you all the time!” Alexander snaps his mouth shut after that, fear settling over his face as his eyes flick between Aaron and Sally, his chest heaving.

And Aaron leans back against his pillows, bringing up his hand to hide his face behind as he tries to take in deep breaths. That can’t be true. His uncle was just lying to cover up his own guilt. Sally didn’t leave because of him, not for that reason, at least, she’s told him that. She –

“Aaron.” Sally’s voice is gentle, and Aaron feels her hand take his, tugging it down. “Aaron, hey, come on, you know that’s not true. I told you it wasn’t, I told you everything. Aaron, calm down, it’s – “

“I don’t want to calm down,” Aaron snaps, and Sally’s hand quickly leaves his, her expression surprised. He looks at Alexander, whose eyes are watery. “I have nothing to be calm about. You lied to me. Why does _everyone_ lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie!” Alexander argues. “I just – “

“Kept information from me! I’m so fucking tired of people doing that! I hate it, I hate it so much.” Aaron presses his hand to his eyes, can feel it shaking against his face. “It makes me feel crazy.”

Silence falls after that, and all Aaron can hear is his own unsteady breathing. His chest hurts, and his throat is burning with how hard he’s trying to not break down completely. He thought he and Alexander agreed to be open with each other, that they’d talk things out. How could Alexander keep something so big from him?

“Aaron.” Alexander’s tone is pleading, but Aaron doesn’t look at him. “Aaron, please, I’m so sorry. I was going to tell you, that’s what the talk was about. But then all this shit happened and we put it off. Aaron, I was going to tell you. I know I should have done it sooner. I’m _sorry_.”

Aaron just shakes his head, not knowing what else to say, or what to think. Everything is so messed up. _He’s_ so messed up. It’s all too much. “But you kept it from me,” he murmurs lowly. “You knew how much it would mean to me to know Sally tried to find me, but you said nothing. I can’t…how can I trust you after that?”

“I’ll do better,” Alexander says, and Aaron looks up to see him with tears slipping down his cheeks. “Aaron, just give me a chance to explain more. I was trying to protect you.”

Aaron laughs at that, remembering how Sally had said that same thing when they’d first talked about her leaving. “I’m so done with people telling me that. It’s a shitty excuse.”

“Aaron…”

“Just stop. I can’t do this anymore.”

“What does that mean?” Alexander asks, his throat working as he swallows. He takes a step towards the bed. Aaron hears his breath hitch. “Aaron, please.”

“I want you to leave.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No, I – “

“I’m breaking up with you, Alexander!” Aaron yells, feeling as if something inside of him just snapped. “I don’t want you to be my boyfriend! I don’t want to see you anymore! You fucked up, okay? And I’m done.”

Alexander blinks at him, his chest heaving. “That’s not fair.”

“I don’t care.”

“What about what you said to me?” Alexander juts his chin out, jaw clenching. “You said you loved me. And I love you. We can work this out if you just let me explain. We’re not breaking up. I can fix it, Aaron. We can fix it.”

“I don’t want to fix it,” Aaron tells him, letting his eyes close. He swallows thickly before continuing. “It’s not worth it.”

“Aaron…” Alexander’s voice is strained. “Please let me fix this.You _love_ me, at least let me try.”

Aaron swallows, the action painful. “When I said that…the pain medication was too much. I wasn’t…it slipped out.” He bites hard at his cheek. “I didn’t mean it. ”

There’s only silence after that, and Aaron keeps his eyes shut, taking in deep breaths through his nose. He counts to ten and then opens his eyes.

Alexander is gone.

Aaron turns away from the empty doorway, something warm and wet slipping from the corner of his eye. He brings up his hand to wipe the tear away, angry that he’s even crying. He shouldn’t cry over this. Alexander clearly doesn’t care enough about him to tell him things. So this is good. Breaking up is good. Aaron doesn’t care either.

“Aaron.” Sally’s hand finds his again. “Don’t you think that – “

“Don’t,” Aaron cuts in, doing his best to hide his face in his pillow. “I really don’t want to hear your opinion right now, so just…don’t.”

Sally says nothing in response, but she keeps her hand on Aaron’s, squeezing, and Aaron focuses on his breathing, refusing to let himself cry.

But the tears come anyway, and Aaron wishes he could roll onto his stomach and bury his face in his pillow, but it’s impossible with his cast and his broken ribs. So he just hides behind his hand, trying to stay quiet, but a sob escapes him anyway, and more keep coming.

He hears Sally say his name again, but he shakes his head. The mattress dips, and Sally’s hand moves to his shoulder, trying to get him to look at her.

But Aaron just curls in on himself as best he can, body shaking with how hard he’s crying, hating how exposed he feels. And Sally keeps talking to him, murmuring low words of comfort that never click fully in Aaron's mind. But she stays, hand smoothing over Aaron's shoulder in long movements.

Aaron keeps his eyes closed, hating himself for how his mind already starts to wish that it was Alexander beside him, with his hand on Aaron's shoulder. No. He doesn't want that, he _doesn't._ He's done with people who lie to him, who make him feel so broken. He has to be done. He can't take it anymore.

He's so _tired_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst has returned
> 
> I know this chapter was a lot, lol, so I hope it flowed somewhat. And don't worry, there's gonna be a lot more Sally and Aaron talking things out in chapters to come. There's still a lot of pent up anger there.
> 
> And y'all know Aaron and Alex will talk things out, it'll just take a bit. Cause yeah Alex messed up but also y i k e s Aaron went a little too hard and was pretty unfair.
> 
> Hopefully they can work it out ;p
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! Leave em here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Alex's mopey chapter

After what happens, Alex goes back to the dorm.

He’s not really sure why. He should go somewhere else. Bellamy will be there, and he’ll take Aaron’s side. Alex will have to explain what happened, he’ll have to stutter through the story while Bellamy just stares, and then Bellamy will kick him out, will yell at him, will _hate_ him.

Just like Aaron.

Nausea crawls over Alex, filling his stomach and moving to clog his throat. He has to stop walking, leans against some unknown building and tries to catch his breath, but all he can focus on is the endless mantra of _‘Aaron hates me, Aaron hates me, Aaron hates me’_ running through his brain.

He messed up. He _knew_ he was messing up by not telling Aaron, could feel guilt stabbing at him as each day passed and he still hadn’t said anything. He knew that all he needed to do was say something and tell Aaron what happened. Sure, he might have still been mad, but this wouldn’t have happened.

They wouldn’t have broken up.

Or maybe they would have, if what Aaron said is true. If he really hadn’t meant to say what he said. If he never actually loved him.

Alex breathes in deep through his nose, eyes squeezing shut for a moment before he pushes himself off the building wall and starts to walk again. He thought he had more time. He thought that he’d be able to wait until Aaron was out of the hospital and feeling better before having to tell him that he’d seen Sally. Alex hadn’t wanted to have that conversation in the hospital with Aaron all banged up and grumpy.

But then Sally had just shown up, and how was Alex supposed to prepare for _that_?

He thought that waiting and thinking would be best, would help him figure out what to actually say before just blurting the story out. He thought he was doing something good by not just springing this onto Aaron like he always does with other important things.

He really thought they’d be okay.

Alex reaches his dorm room and slides his key into the lock, taking another deep breath as he steps in, ignoring Bellamy’s greeting and turning to face the door as he closes it, trying to give himself more time to avoid telling Bellamy everything.

“Alex?” Bellamy’s voice asks, concern already lacing his tone, making Alex even more nervous. “You okay?”

Alex turns to face Bellamy, wiping his hands on his thighs as he swallows. He opens his mouth to respond, but his throat still feels clogged up and tight, so nothing comes out. He clears his throat. “I…”

“What’s wrong?” Bellamy stands up from his bed and walks over to him, brows furrowed. “Alex? Did something happen? Is Aaron okay? Is – "

“He’s fine,” Alex interrupts, then a laugh escapes him before he can stop it. “He’s fine,” he says again, stomach lurching.

“Then why do you look so...not good?”

Alex crosses his arms over his chest and looks at the ground. He shouldn’t have come here. Bellamy is going to get mad. He won’t want to see him anymore, won’t want to be friends. “I…or, he… _we_ …” He swallows. “We broke up.”

Bellamy blinks at him, saying nothing, and Alex almost turns around and leaves, panic building, but then Bellamy reaches out and rests a hand on his shoulder. “Do you want to sit down?”

After a moment of shock, Alex exhales shakily and nods, feeling unsteady on his feet. He lets Bellamy lead him over to the bed, aware of the way Bellamy is looking at him as they both sit on the mattress. Alex stays silent, not knowing how to start, or what to expect from Bellamy once he starts.

“Guessing by the mortification on your face,” Bellamy says slowly, “I take it Aaron is the one who did the breaking up?”

Alex lets out another small laugh and nods again, bringing up a hand to wipe at his nose. “Yeah…”

“Is there…I mean…can I ask what…” Bellamy trails off, and Alex looks over to see him with a hesitant expression. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Alex chews at his lip, uncertain. “Will you get mad at me?”

Bellamy’s expression softens. “No. Scout’s honor.”

“Were you a boy scout?”

“Well, no, but the meaning still stands, I think. I swear, I won’t get mad. Unless you like…punched Aaron in the face or something like that.”

“No,” Alex murmurs. “No, I didn’t do that. I…I don’t even know where to start. It’s just…a big complicated mess.”

Bellamy snorts. “No offense, but most thing between you two seems like a complicated mess.” His smile falters when Alex doesn’t laugh. “Sorry, I…not the time.”

Alex takes a deep breath, trying to focus on the fact that Bellamy isn’t mad and not the topic they’re discussing. “It was…all those months ago when we had our first big fight, back before we started dating for real, I ran into this girl who wanted directions to Aaron’s dorm.” He pauses and runs a hand through his hair. “And I wasn’t even thinking about it, I was just so focused on what was going on with me and Aaron. I forgot about her as soon as I walked away.”

“Okay…”

“Then me and Aaron get back together,” Alex continues. “And it’s spring break and everything is good, and Aaron shows me some old family photos, and I see one of him and Sally at graduation and…and my heart stops, cause – “

“It was Sally,” Bellamy finishes, eyes going wide. “Holy shit.”

Alex nods, nausea rising in him again. “And I…I knew I should have told him right then and there, but I didn’t. Him and her weren’t exactly in a good place and his uncle had said all this shit about Sally leaving because of Aaron being too much of a burden and I didn’t want him to find that out if it was true.”

“But she would never – “

“I didn’t _know_ that!” Alex protests, voice cracking. He’s overwhelmed by the need to have to explain himself, to have someone understand his side of everything. “I’ve never met her. I know nothing about Sally! So I waited. I just wanted to figure things out before turning Aaron’s world into an even bigger mess.”

“So you told him today?” Bellamy asks. “And he broke up with you?” Bellamy sounds surprised, like he can’t believe Aaron would do that, and Alex grimaces.

“Not exactly. I…I didn’t tell him.”

“But then how…”

“It…today…” Alex runs his hand through his hair again, pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead. “I was still going to tell him, but I was waiting for the right time, but…Sally, she…she was there when I went to the hospital today.”

Bellamy stares at him for a long beat, then his jaw drops. “She…what?”

“She was there! I walk in and they’re both just staring and I panicked and Aaron just…just got so mad and – “ Alex cuts off, unable to talk about that moment again, to say out out loud all of the things Aaron had said. He jumps when Bellamy stands up suddenly.

“I need to go see him,” Bellamy states, taking a step forward but then stopping to look at Alex. “Or, no. I’ll stay with you.” He sits back down, but his eyes keep flicking over to the door.

“You can go,” Alex tells him, trying to smile but only feeling his lips twitch slightly. “I get it.”

“Alex, I – “

“Bellamy, it’s fine. You grew up with both of them. You haven’t seen Sally in a long time, either. Go.”

Bellamy stands up slowly, biting at his lip as he does. Then he bends down and throws his arms around Alex, startling him with the force of the hug. “I’m not mad at you,” he whispers. “And I can talk to Aaron for you, if you want, and try to – “

“No.” Alex pulls away from the hug and shakes his head. “Just…don’t. I really, uhm, I don’t want to…to bother him.” He also doesn’t want Bellamy to come back and tell him that Aaron refused to talk about it, or hear more of his words about how he doesn’t want to see Alex anymore.

“He’ll come to his senses,” Bellamy tells him firmly, stepping towards the door. “It’s just a lot all at once. He’ll calm down, and you guys will be okay.”

Again, he tries to smile, and he must succeed somewhat because Bellamy nods at him before opening the door and letting it shut behind him seconds later, leaving Alex alone in their room.

And of course that’s when he really starts to freak out.

He lifts his legs up onto the bed and then buries his face into his hands, taking in ragged breaths that are now too loud in the empty room. His mind is filled with nothing except the glaring fact that he lost Aaron, that he pushed him away, that he _hurt_ him.

Alex straightens up with a loud sniff and then shifts up the bed, pulling the covers over himself as he lays down. He just wants to sleep. Wants to sleep and forget about everything. Wants to forget about himself and about Aaron, about all of it. He can feel that he’s teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown, and he doesn't want to deal with it.

He tries to get comfortable, to let sleep wash over him, but he shifts and feels something digging into his thigh. Lifting his hips up slightly, Alex shoves a hand into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone. He’s about to set it off to the side when he hesitates.

Knowing he shouldn’t, Alex goes to his messages, Aaron’s name at the top of all of his texts. He clicks, letting them open so he can scroll back until he finds the string of messages he’d sent right after Aaron had said I love you.

He had sent Aaron a flurry of texts all saying 'I love you' with various emojis attached after the words. And Aaron had responded some time later with his own 'I love you, too, Alexander' that, at the time, had made Alex’s chest feel like it was going to burst.

But now he just feels like he’s caving in on himself.

The words in front of him start to become blurry, and Alex realizes that he’s starting to cry, a warm tear slipping over the bridge of his nose.

He rolls onto his stomach and buries his face into the fabric of his pillow, hoping that will somehow stop the rest of the tears from escaping. He tries to take in a deep breath, but the pillow sheet sticks to his mouth, and nothing but heat fills his throat.

With a groan, Alex tilts his face to the side, breath stuttering as he inhales. His phone is still clutched in his hand, and Alex is tempted to look at the texts again, to try and find some sort of answer in them. But his chest already hurts so much, so he turns his face the other way and closes his eyes.

A loud knock on his door makes Alex jump from out of his sleep some unknown amount of time later. He blinks a few times, taking in the darkness outside his window before anything else. He must have been asleep for a couple hours.

Another knock causes Alex to sit up, and he stumbles his way out of his bed and makes it over to the door, pulling it open.

“Oh,” is all he can say for a moment, eyes going wide as he takes in the large cluster of people outside his room. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi,” Eliza says, her eyes roaming over him quickly. “Sorry, we didn’t think you’d be sleeping already. We come with sustenance.” She holds up a pint of ice cream in her hand, and then nods her head at Theodosia, who waves a bag of chocolate. “Can we come in?”

“Uhh…” Alex doesn't understand why all these people are here, why they are here to see _him_ , and not Aaron.

“We brought movies, too!” Laf declares from behind Eliza, and him and John both hold up a couple DVDs. “Peggy and Angelica brought face masks.”

Alex blinks at the two girls, who nod, still feeling a little lost for words. “I’m…just…what?”

“Bellamy texted me,” Eliza explains, and Alex feels a flash of panic, but Eliza just gives him a kind smile. “You don’t need to talk about it. We just…figured you could use some company.” She shifts from one foot to the other. “Is it okay if we come in?”

“I don’t know if there’s enough room,” Alex finally manages to get out, and Eliza just rolls her eyes.

Then he steps back so his friends can file in, all of them smiling at him as they pass. Alex feels surprise hit him when Madison closes out the line, pausing in front of Alex, looking a little uncomfortable.

“I know we don’t know each other very well,” Madison starts. “So I hope it’s okay I’m here.”

“Oh, sure. Yeah.”

“Thomas would have come, but he wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea.”

Alex shrugs a shoulder. He doesn’t really know, either. It probably would have made him feel a little weird. Not that he isn’t already feeling a little weird. He hadn’t been expecting this at all, his friends coming over to be with him, to comfort him as a group.

That’s never happened before.

He stands off to the side as Laf, John, and Angelica start to rearrange the furniture so the two beds are pressed together, then lets his friends usher him up to the front, giving him the best view of the laptop that’s been set up on one of their desks.

“We’ve got a wide range of selection in terms of movies,” Eliza says as she bounces onto the mattress beside Alex. “I feel like you need a Disney movie night, though.” She holds up The Lion King and Mulan, grinning when Alex points to The Lion King.

“Hakuna Matata!” Laf croons as he takes the DVD from Eliza, slotting into the laptop.

“Here, Alex, scoot back.” Theodosia tugs at the back of his shirt, and Alex peers over his shoulder to see her holding a hairbrush. “I’ll braid your hair for you while we watch.”

“And don’t forget this!” John sits on Alex’s other side and holds out the small tub of ice cream and a spoon. “We had no idea what flavor to get, so we got a weird mix of vanilla, strawberry, chocolate and it looked like there was a fourth flavor, too.”

Alex accepts the tub of ice cream, holding the spoon loosely in his hand as he blinks around at all of his friends. “You guys…you really don’t have to…to – “

“Shh.” Angelica’s voice says from some part of the room, and then the lights are flicking off. “Just enjoy the movie, Alexander.”

Half an hour later, Alex’s hair is in a French braid, and has eaten almost a third of the ice cream in the carton. Angelica has shifted down in front of him to paint his toe nails, and Eliza is resting her head on his shoulder while Theodosia scratches occasionally at his back. All of that combined with Laf, Peggy, John, and surprisingly, even James, all singing along or quoting lines from the movie, has Alex feeling incredibly relaxed.

But then he looks around the room, taking in the faces of his friends, and feels something in his chest tug painfully.

He still wants Aaron.

He wants him to be here, to be next to him or behind him or in front of him, he wants Aaron to be _everywhere_. But instead he’s gone. He left. He pushed Alex away, forced him to leave, didn’t let him explain.

And Alex feels like he’s breaking apart.

He tries to keep it in, but a sob escapes him anyway, and Alex’s hand flies up to cover his mouth as he ducks his head, hoping no one will notice. But he feels Eliza raise her head, feels Theodosia’s hand slide up to his shoulder, squeezing. Someone murmurs a soft “Alex?” but he doesn’t know who, and that’s all it takes for him to start crying in earnest.

How could he let this happen? How could he mess things up again? Why does this _always_ happen? Is he really so fucked up that everything around him has to fall apart?

An arm wraps around him, and Alex leans into the hug, feeling himself start to shake. Someone else is talking, and another person presses up against him, but Alex can’t stop.

The worst part is that Alex knows all of this could have been avoided. He could have just told Aaron. But it’s more than that. He knows he could have explained himself at the hospital, could have calmed Aaron down and talked things through with him. But then Aaron had yelled and made him leave, had said he didn’t want to see Alex anymore, that he had never loved him.

Part of Alex wants to go find Aaron right now, wants to fix things, but there’s another part of him that is so angry, so hurt by what Aaron said, and that part of him wants to yell back at Aaron, wants to say that he doesn’t deserve that, that it’s not fair. If all of his friends are here, comforting him, telling him he shouldn't blame himself, then why doesn't Aaron feel the same?

It’s all so overwhelming, and Alex doesn’t know what to do. He feels like whenever it comes to Aaron, he’s clueless, always messing something up. He doesn’t want to mess things up anymore.

So he lets himself be held by his friends, lets himself cry into their shoulders, lets them murmurs soft comforts into the air, lets them be there for him.

It’s all he has.

-

A few days later, Alex gets the news that Aaron is out of the hospital.

Bellamy is the one who tells him, looking hesitant and worried as he does. Then he says that Aaron hadn’t wanted Alex to be told, still didn’t want to see him, but Bellamy had figured Alex deserved to know, anyway.

The worst part is, Alex isn’t even surprised. Aaron hasn’t contacted him in any way, it’s clear he’s not interested in reconciling. And Alex is disappointed and upset, is _angry_. 

He's been surrounded by his friends the past few days, has gotten hundreds of pep talks, of assurances that he didn't intend to hurt Aaron, that Aaron was reacting from the hurt that's been building all year because of Sally. But then why hasn't Aaron realized that? Why hasn't he come to get Alex? To apologize and make up and be with him again?

The only answer Alex can come up with is that Aaron doesn't care about him, that he was telling the truth when he said he didn't love Alex. So Alex should just back off, should just give Aaron what he wants. He knows that's what he should do, what might be easiest.

But Alex still finds himself walking to Aaron’s dorm one afternoon, a small part of him hoping that Aaron will let him in. Hoping that they can talk things out and be okay again. That’s all Alex wants; to be _okay_.

He knocks on Aaron’s door, heart beating a little too fast for comfort. “Aaron?” He calls out, figuring he should alert Aaron to the fact that it’s him. He knows it wouldn’t be good to surprise him.

There’s no answer.

Alex almost knocks again, but a split second later he decides there’s no point and turns to go. He’s rounding the corner when he’s suddenly face to face with someone else, almost running right into them but managing to take a step back just in time to avoid the collision.

He opens his mouth to apologize, but closes it when he sees who it is.

“Hey,” Sally says, looking surprised as she moves the plastic bag she’s holding from one hand to the other. “Or, I mean, sorry. I didn’t see you.” She shifts on her feet. “Were you visiting Aaron?”

Alex hunches his shoulders. “Tried to. He didn’t answer.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Well…” Alex shrugs and takes a step to his left. “I’m gonna go.” He moves around Sally and has one foot on the steps when she calls his name. He reluctantly turns back to look at her.

“Can we…” Sally pauses, moving a hand to flick a braid behind her shoulder. “Can I talk to you? About…well, about Aaron?”

Alex blinks at her. He can think of about a million other things he’d rather do. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” He can’t imagine it going well.

“I won't tell him about it.”

Alex snorts at that. “That would just make it worse.” He doesn’t need Aaron finding about some other secret, doesn't need to give him another reason to hate him. “I shouldn’t.” He watches as Sally takes a deep breath, torn between hearing her out and running.

“I really need to talk to you. I’m…I’m kind of floundering. I just need someone to catch me up on what’s been going on.”

“Ask Bellamy.”

“I need someone who doesn’t know me,” Sally continues, voice taking on a pleading tone. “Someone who will give me an unfiltered version of how Aaron has been doing.” She bites at the inside of her cheek, and Alex is struck by how similar her and Aaron are.

“Fine,” he says a few seconds later, fighting down the apprehension that’s still swirling inside him. “Yeah, okay. We can talk.”

Sally gives him a relieved smile. “Outside, maybe?” She steps past Alex before he can respond, going down the stairs and not even looking back to see if Alex is following.

But he does follow, lets Sally lead him outside of the dorm and over to a bench. They sit side by side, silence settling over them. No way is Alex going to start this conversation. He just sits and stares down at the ground, watches an ant crawl beside his shoe.

“I, uh…” Sally trails off and clears her throat. “I know me coming back here really fucked everything up.”

Alex looks at her and raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I don’t know. I think you coming back is probably the least fucked up thing you’ve done in a long time.”

Sally blinks at him, a rush of emotion flowing across her face. But just as fast, her expression closes down, and then she’s letting out a short laugh. “I suppose that’s true.” She looks away from him, face tilting up towards the sky. “I figured you’d hate me for coming back.”

“I don’t hate you. I’m not an asshole,” Alex grumbles, slouching on the bench. “Despite the perception you probably have of me.” He’s sure Aaron hasn’t been saying the greatest things about him to her lately.

“Well, I could say the same thing about myself to you.”

Alex peers over at her. “I guess. “ He swallows. “You said you wanted to talk about Aaron.” They might as well get this over with as fast as possible.

Sally hums. “He’s different than before.” She looks back down at him, her eyebrows drawn together. “I’m not…I feel like I don’t know how to talk to him. He just…sits there.”

“Yeah, well, a year of not seeing someone is bound to lead to some awkwardness.”

“Ten months,” Sally murmurs. “It was ten months.”

“Right.”

They lapse back into silence, and Alex tries not to squirm too much. But this is definitely uncomfortable and…and weird. This is his first time speaking to Sally. It almost feels surreal, since he’s gone the whole school year basically just hearing bad things about her and having to deal with the damage she caused.

“He doesn’t talk to me,” Sally says, kicking her legs out in front of her. “Or, I mean, he does. He’s not mute. But it’s…it’s different. _He’s_ different.”

Alex sighs, letting his eyes slip shut. He really doesn’t want to be here right now, talking about Aaron. It hurts, makes his chest clench. “He’s mad at you.”

“But I told him why I did what I did. I did it for him.”

“That doesn’t make it all okay again,” Alex tells her. “He has every right to be mad at you. I’m mad at you and you’re not even my sister.”

Sally is silent for a moment. “Has he talked to you about why I left since you last saw him or have…” She trails off there, like she realizes what she was saying.

Alex cracks his eyes back open and gives her a dry stare. “We haven’t been talking much lately, which I’m sure you know. He’s not exactly keen on seeing me.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s my own fault."

“But it’s not.” Sally straightens up on the bench, turning so she’s facing Alex. “What happened in the hospital, when he yelled at you, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s not like him. I’ve never seen Aaron like that. What he said to you – “

“We don’t need to go over it again,” Alex tells her quickly. “And I don’t know what to tell you. He got angry. It happens.”

“Not like that.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “What? You just expected him to be happy and completely forgiving as soon as you decided to show up? This year has been hell for him, okay? I only met him this year, so I’ve only known him like this, dealing with losing you. Clearly I had no problem with that, I dated him. But all of his friends talk about how different he is, how little he talks, how moody he is.” He stops there, noticing how watery Sally’s eyes are looking.

“Was it really that bad?” She asks, voice soft.

“Not all the time,” Alex tells her, biting at his lip. “I mean, I think he was always thinking about it, about you, but we all did our best to make him happy.” He pauses before continuing. “I mean, before I dated him, he had a fuck buddy who did a pretty good job of making him forget stuff.”

Sally gives him a look. “I definitely didn’t need to know that.”

Alex shrugs. “You wanted me to fill you in. Besides, they’re good friends still. He’s the one who picked Aaron off the floor one night when he was basically black out drunk and crying in the bathroom about feeling alone.”

Sally turns away sharply at that. “Okay, I get it.”

Alex feels a small twinge of sympathy for her, and searches his mind for something else to say. “He just needs time. Maybe…maybe a little bit of a push, too. He’s not exactly great at talking about feelings.”

Sally lets out a small chuckle. “Yeah, well, that runs in the family.”

“Why did you do it?” Alex asks, unable to resist and waiting until Sally looks at him to continue. “Why did you leave?”

“I’m twenty-one in less than a week,” Sally starts. “I’ll get money on my birthday, a lot of money. I had to leave until then. You’ve met our uncle, you know how he is. I knew if I just stayed while not following his rules that he’d do something to make me go back under his control. But now I’m out. And I can get Aaron out, too.”

Alex lets the information sink in, and he nods. “Good.” He blinks at Sally. "You still could have called more."

“I know I didn’t do it the right way. But I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared, so I ran. And like I said, communication isn’t exactly a strong point in my family. It just felt easier to avoid talking about it.” Sally shrugs. “I just thought that…that I could come back when I had money and surprise Aaron and everything would just fall back into place and we’d be happy.”

Alex smiles. If only things were that easy. "I get it. I get what it’s like to have a carefully laid out plan that may involve avoiding talking about something blow up in your face.”

Sally winces. “I’m…I’m sorry about what happened, about the things he said. I really don’t think he meant all of it.”

Alex doesn’t respond to that, tired of trying to make himself believe that Aaron didn’t mean to say what he did. He still said it. He said it and never let Alex defend himself or explain. He said it, and he hasn’t apologized or shown any kind of regret.

He thought that he’d be able to wait, to give Aaron time to calm down. But now? Now Alex feels tired, feels unwanted. Maybe he just needs to let go and move on. Maybe that’s what’s best.

“Anyway,” Sally starts, clearing her throat. “I should go check on Aaron.” She picks up the bag beside her. “I left to get him pain meds and a few more pillows for his bed, so.”

Alex nods. “Yeah. Right.” He stands up with her, hands shoved in his pockets. “Well…good talk.”

Sally snorts, her lips quirking up into a smile that is so similar to Aaron’s that Alex actually feels a sharp pang in his chest. “Yeah, good talk. Thanks, Alexander.”

Alex shrugs and turns away, suddenly itching to get as far away as possible. But before he even makes it two steps, Sally’s hand is on his shoulder, making him spin around.

“I’m…sorry,” she says, letting her hand drop back to her side. “For all of it. I know you don’t get it, what I did, but I am sorry for it. And for kind of messing things up with you guys. But I…maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Maybe,” Alex hears himself murmur, but the word tastes bitter on his tongue. He doesn't think there's even a maybe in his future with Aaron anymore. He gives Sally a brief smile before turning again and starting to make his way back to his dorm.

Once he’s a few feet away, he pauses, pulling out his phone. He opens up his messages, lip between his teeth as he thinks.

He pulls up the messages he’d sent to Aaron, the continuous string of ‘I love you’s’ and emojis, then Aaron’s responding ‘I love you, too, Alexander’ making Alex bite down even harder on his lip. His thumb hovers over the screen, and he listens to his heart pound against his ribs. 

His thumb presses down, deleting the messages. He blinks, and they’re gone, just like that. Alex stares a beat longer before putting his phone away, taking a deep breath.

Then he starts to walk, putting more and more distance between him and Aaron with each step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least Alex has his friends <3
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! Leave them here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now it's time for Aaron's angsty chapter.
> 
> Enjoy the early update! x

Aaron can’t sleep.

Not that that’s much of a surprise. He can’t remember the last time he got a full night’s sleep. It had to be before he went to the hospital, before the car crash. He’s been back in his dorm for a week already, so it’s been almost two weeks since he’s slept a whole night through.

He debates getting up, maybe grabbing some water or just walking around outside for a bit. But he knows that if he gets up, he’ll wake Sally up, and if he wakes Sally up, she’ll ask him a million questions and fuss over him until Aaron’s patience snaps and they get into a fight.

He knows this will happen, because it’s what has been happening for the past week.

Sally basically moved into his dorm room as soon as he got out of the hospital, claiming that she can’t just let him be alone in his single and waving off all his claims that Bellamy could just look after him. She’s set on being around at all times.

And Aaron isn’t sure how to feel about it.

Everything just feels off. He feels like he doesn’t know Sally. And he knows that she feels weird about it, too, can see her staring at him with her eyebrows drawn together and her mought tight. And the way she walks around or speaks to him…it’s like she’s scared of what he’s going to say. It’s starting to drive him crazy.

Aaron shifts on his bed and finally decides to sit up, wincing a little but managing to swing his legs over the edge of the mattress. He makes it across the room and over to the door, but then –

“Aaron?”

He sighs, moving his hand to the light switch and flicking it on. Then he looks back over his shoulder at Sally, who is sitting up on a slightly deflated air mattress, rubbing at her eyes. “Hi.”

“Where are you going?”

“I wanted to go for a walk.”

“In your boxers?”

Aaron shrugs. “It’s college.” People do weirder things.

Sally laughs at that, but then she’s pushing herself up and standing. “I’ll come with you!”

“Sally, that’s really – “

“I could use a walk, too.”

Aaron tries not to scowl. “I don’t need a baby sitter. I’ll come back, okay? I’m not you.”

Sally flinches, expression growing tight, and Aaron watches as her shoulders rise and fall. Then she’s bending down, getting her shoes onto her feet before straightening up. “You wanna go for a walk? Either I come, too, or you walk in circles around this room.”

“Whatever,” Aaron grumbles, throwing the door open and going out, not bothering to wait for Sally to catch up.

He tries to skip down the steps as fast as he can, hoping that somehow he’ll get far away enough from Sally that he can get some time alone, but he hears her footsteps rapidly approaching and huffs out a short breath when Sally shows up beside him, opening the door for him that leads outside.

The cool night air feels good on his skin, and Aaron manages to release a slightly pleased exhale.

“So,” Sally starts, and Aaron steels himself, recognizing that tone that means she’s about to talk about something he’s not going to like. “Have you heard from Alexander lately?”

Aaron clenches his jaw. “No.”

A beat of silence. “Do you think you’ll hear from him soon?”

“No.” Aaron tries to speed up, but Sally just does the same. He keeps his eyes on the ground, refusing to look over at Sally in case she takes that as permission to keep talking.

He hasn’t talked to Alexander in two weeks, hasn’t even seen him around campus. He knows that he came to visit that one time, had knocked on his door. But Aaron hadn’t wanted to see him. He still doesn’t want to.

Every time he even thinks about Alexander, his whole chest starts to burn, and that feeling spreads to his throat, making it impossible to swallow or even breathe. It’s like everything inside him is either going to overflow or get stuck with nowhere to go until he breaks apart.

He thought he could trust Alexander, thought that he knew him, thought that he cared, thought that he would never hurt him like this.

Alexander _had_ to know how much it would mean to him to know that Sally had come to look for him, or that she was okay and healthy and safe. But Alexander had kept it from him, had lied to him even though he knew how much Aaron hated lies and secrets.

It’s like everything thing in his life has been one big lie. His uncle has lied to him for years, has dug his hands into Aaron’s life and twisted it into what he wanted it to be. And then Sally left, giving no warning or explanation, taking her knowledge with her and leaving Aaron in the dark with nowhere to go.

And everything spiraled out of control. Aaron heard so many different versions of why Sally left that he didn’t know what to believe, and not even Sally would tell him the truth. She just called him out of the blue whenever she felt like it and would drop bombshells of information that only made Aaron’s head spin more.

Then there was Thomas, who Aaron thought he understood, but even that seemingly simple relationship had turned upside down when Thomas revealed that he liked him, that he had been hiding it in the hopes that Aaron would just see it one day and do something. But Aaron had just felt blindsided, and then he’d lost Thomas, had lost another person that he needed.

And then Alexander came along, and he was this ball of energy that Aaron had been wary of at first, but then became drawn to without him really even noticing.

Dating him had been the best part of Aaron’s year. He was someone to lean on, to depend on, someone who didn’t judge Aaron or make him feel on edge. Aaron thought they were in a good place, were on the same page, were being open and honest.

Clearly he’d been wrong.

Alexander keeping the fact that he’d met Sally from him had been the final straw in Aaron’s sanity. It had pulled the floor from under Aaron, had made him lightheaded from how much it hurt. He still doesn’t understand why he did it. Can only think that it’s because doesn’t really care, that he was going to leave Aaron anyway, that he was feeling too burdened by Aaron to keep being with him.

And Aaron couldn’t handle that happening, couldn’t handle that on top of the fact that Alexander had lied to him. Yelling at him had felt like an out of body experience, Aaron only returning to his body after he’d taken back those three words that had meant so much when Alexander said them to him. But Aaron knows now that Alexander can’t have ever meant them.

He wouldn’t have done what he did if he really loved Aaron.

“You going back to classes tomorrow?” Sally’s voice asks, pulling Aaron from his thoughts. “It’s been a good while, and you said you were starting to feel better.”

Aaron shrugs a shoulder, keeping his eyes ahead of him. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I mean, you probably shouldn’t miss too much, right? Not even a genius like you can make up two weeks.” Sally bounces her shoulder against his, and Aaron hears her sigh when he doesn’t respond. “Aaron, come on, you have to go back and –“

“Why?” Aaron cuts in before she can continue. “Your birthday was a few days ago, you have the inheritance. I don’t even get why we’re still here. We can leave, get an apartment.”

“You have to finish the semester, I told you that.”

“But why? I’d rather leave.”

Sally’s fingers wrap around his wrist, stopping him, and Aaron scowls but finally looks over at her, taking in the concern written across her face.

“You can’t just leave,” she tells him. “You have classes. You have over a month left. If you leave you’ll have to redo all of this semester’s classes.”

“And?”

“Aaron, _stop_ it!” Sally puts her hands on his shoulders, expression turning angry. “Why are you being like this? You can’t just drop out! You can’t leave!”

“Why not?” Aaron asks, tone sharp even to his own ears. “It’s what you did!”

Sally drops her hands at that, taking a step back from him. Then she stares, jaw tight. “This is different, and you know that. I left to find something better than what Uncle Tim was giving us. You dropping out would be messing up all the opportunities you have and – “

“What opportunities?” Aaron yells, not caring that they’re out in the open, not caring that other people can probably hear him. “You mean the great opportunities I’ll get from majoring in law and religion? Those great opportunities? Ones that I don’t even fucking want?”

“Aaron, what – “

“You actually think I wanted to major in those?” Aaron asks, his heart starting to pound. “You think I chose those? Come on, Sally. When have I ever shown a fucking interest in either? I only did it cause Uncle Tim told me to, because he said it’s what mom and dad would have wanted!”

Sally blinks at him, shock on her face. “But…but you never said anything, you…”

Aaron snorts, bringing up his one hand to scratch under his cast. “Yeah well, freshman year was a little too soon for me to really understand I hated it. And by the time I did, it’s not like I could call you.”

“Aaron, I’m – “

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Aaron snaps out, stepping past Sally and starting to head back towards his dorm. He never should have gone for a walk in the first place. “I mean, is it really that surprising that Uncle Tim just dug his fingers into another aspect of my life? He did the same thing to you. But now I’m done. So who cares if I go to classes?”

Sally catches up to him, hand slipping into Aaron’s uninjured one. “But you’ve been working so hard! Do you really want to throw that all away?”

“Throw _what_ away? I’m been working towards something I don’t want, Sally! I’ve been working towards nothing, I’ve done nothing, _I’m_ – “ He cuts off, throat suddenly too tight to continue.

He takes his hand from Sally’s and presses it against his chest, rubbing the heel of it hard right over his heart, which is thumping unsteadily. He feels his breath hitch, and he inhales deep through his nose, doing it again and again until his ribcage doesn’t feel like it’s vibrating.

“Aaron.” Sally’s voice is soft, hesitant. “Let’s go back inside, okay?”

Aaron nods, swallowing. He lets Sally guide him back to the dorm, his mind strangely blank and his eyes not able to focus on anything. It’s like he blinks and suddenly they’re right in front of his door, and Sally is gently nudging him in.

He kicks off his shoes and then collapses on his side onto the mattress, curling his legs up so his thighs are pressed to his chest. A cover is pulled over him, and he feels Sally wipe something wet from his face before moving away.

He slips into sleep almost immediately

-

The next morning, Aaron wakes up feeling more tired than ever.

Sally is already up, bustling around the room and putting Aaron's laundry away, which she must have done after Aaron went to bed last night.

“I’m gonna go out for a bit,” Sally tells him she's done, turning to face him. “I'll get some more groceries. It should only take me about an hour, and then I'll come back.”

“Will you?” He asks, unable to stop himself.

Sally grabs her jacket, her mouth a thin line as she tugs it on. She ignores Aaron's comment. “Have a friend over. I don’t want you sitting in here moping by yourself.”

Aaron says nothing in response, just stares up at the ceiling. He hears the door open and close, and he sighs, hand flinging out to find his phone on the table. Once he has it, he opens up the messages, struggling a little with only one hand, but managing it eventually.

His thumb hesitates over Alexander’s name, chest tightening, but he keeps scrolling, clicking on Maria’s and opening their messages.

_< << Can you come over?_

He’s about to set his phone back down, but then three dots appear at the bottom of the screen, Maria already typing out a response;

_> >> I come like the wind_

Aaron snorts, putting his phone down on the mattress before standing up to walk over to his closet. He grabs a pair of sweatpants, almost falling over in the process of pulling them on, and then makes his way out into the hall and to the bathroom.

A few minutes after he gets back to his room, there’s a knock at his door.

“I have arrived,” Maria says when Aaron opens the door, reaching out to pinch his cheek. “You look tired.”

Aaron ushers her in, closing the door and then shrugging. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Why not?”

Aaron is quiet at that, considering the question. Where to even begin? “I…”

Maria watches him struggle for a few seconds, and then she gives him a small smile. “Forget it. I’m sure there’s been a lot going on in there lately.” She taps his forehead. “Getting hit by a car, your long lost sister coming back, and then you deciding to – “ She stops there, fumbling a little over her words before closing her mouth, looking hesitant.

“Yeah,” Aaron mumbles, knowing that she had stopped herself from saying him deciding to break up with Alexander. “There’s been a lot.” He shifts on his feet, worried that Maria is going to start asking him questions about all of it, but then she just shrugs and goes over to the bed, sitting on it with a hum.

“Where is that sister of yours, anyway? I’ve heard so much about her and I still haven't met her.”

“She’s out,” Aaron grumbles, going to sit beside Maria. “Groceries or something like that.”

Maria looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “You don’t sound very thrilled to have her back.”

He winces. “It’s not…I am. I mean…it’s just…it’s weird.” He doesn’t know how to explain it. “I just thought everything would be….that when she came, things would be better.” Aaron doesn’t bother saying things aren’t better, he’s sure that much is clear.

Maria puts an arm around his shoulders. “It’d be kind of freaky if you and her were best friends as soon as she decided to show up. It’s okay to be mad at her still. Plus you two are in tight quarters right now.” She gestures around his room with her other hand. “I’m sure that’s driving you crazy.”

“You have no idea.”

Maria chuckles, giving Aaron a small squeeze before letting him go. “What do you require my presence for?”

“Just felt like having another’s presence,” Aaron answers. He chews at the inside of his cheek, still aware of Maria staring from the corner of his eye. He takes a deep breath. “How is…everyone?”

“Everyone as in actually everyone? Or everyone as in Alex?”

Aaron hunches his shoulders, looking down at his feet and not bothering to respond. He doesn’t know which he means. Or at least he knows which one he _wants_ to mean, which one would make him feel better, which one would mean he’s gotten over it, over _him_. “Just…everyone.”

Maria is giving him a look when he glances back over at her, but then she shrugs. “Everyone is how they always are. And the more specific everyone I know you want to ask about is also pretty much how they always are, if not a little more quiet.” Maria pauses for a moment. “He misses you.”

“I don’t care,” Aaron answers, each word taking a great deal of effort to get out of his mouth. “I don’t.”

“Okay,” Maria says gently, but her tone is laced in disbelief that just makes Aaron more upset.

He _doesn’t_ care. He can’t care. He’s about to explain just how much he doesn’t care when the door is opening, causing him and Maria to both look up as Sally enters, plastic bags hanging from her arms as the door shuts.

There’s a heavy silence as Sally just stares, her eyes not on Aaron, but past him, on Maria, and Aaron doesn’t understand the tension that has suddenly filled the room.

The mattress shifts as Maria stands, still silent, and Aaron looks over at her, confusion only growing when he sees the shocked wonderment spreading across her face. He can only watch as she takes a few steps forward, closer to Sally, who is frozen in front of the door.

“Mystery girl?” Maria asks at the same time Sally breathes out “Diner girl” and Aaron feels his own breathing stop for a second.

“What?” He starts, but neither girl looks at him. They only have eyes for each other. “What are you – “

“That’s her,” Maria interrupts, still looking at Sally in amazement, but Sally’s eyes flick to Aaron. “That’s my mystery girl.”

“Sally?” Aaron looks between them. “My sister is the girl you’ve been going on and on about, saying that you’re star crossed lovers?” He sees Sally grin at that, but Maria finally turns to look at him, eyes wide.

“Well fuck.”

“No.” Aaron stands up, feeling suddenly off center. “No, no, no. That’s not…but…” He trails off, and it clicks in his mind. Sally had told him she came to campus. He knows that. He just never knew the specific day, never knew it was the same day that Maria met that girl, that it was the same day him and Alexander officially started dating.

“Aaron?”

He looks up at the call of his name, taking in both Maria and Sally staring at him with matching wary expressions. It’s only then that he realizes he’s breathing too hard, too loud, and he has to blink a few times to re-orientate himself.

“You…” He feels himself laugh, doesn’t even hear it. His ears are clogging up. “You two _know_ each other?” He looks at Sally. “Did you go and meet all of my friends before deciding to bail again and not see me?”

“Aaron, that’s – “

“I mean, I know you like, hate me or think I’m a burden or whatever, but you really couldn’t find the time between asking my ex for directions and getting a cup of coffee at Maria’s diner and flirting with her to come knock on my door? Or just fucking _call_ me?” He presses his hand over his eyes, tries to find something to ground him in the dark, to pull him back in.

“Aaron.” Maria’s hand is gentle as it slides up to his shoulder, but Aaron flinches away anyway. “Aaron, take a deep breath, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

Aaron opens his mouth to laugh, but a groan comes out instead, turning high pitched at the end and Aaron presses his hand harder against his eyes before finally letting it drop, vision hazy for a few seconds.

“I can explain,” Sally tells him as he takes a few steps in her direction. “Aaron, please, just sit down. We need to talk. There’s so much that I – “

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Aaron says. He pushes past her, opening the door, but then a hand is on him, pulling him back.

“Aaron.”

“Don’t touch me,” he snaps, not looking back when Sally’s hand quickly releases him. “Just don’t…don’t…” He swallows past the bile rising in his throat, not understanding why everyone does this to him, why everyone just springs things on him with no warning, making him feel crazy.

He rushes out the door before Maria or Sally can say anything else, not wanting to hear about their first meeting, not wanting to hear about how Sally coming to the diner was the best thing for both of them, how Sally being back now is like a miracle for Maria, when for him it’s been nothing but hard.

He can’t take it anymore.

-

He’s not really sure how long he’s gone, how long he just wanders around campus until he feels like he has some semblance of control again, but when he finally makes his way back to his room, the sun is low in the sky and his legs are starting to ache.

Aaron slides his key into the lock and pushes the door open, hoping he’ll find his room empty. He steps in, blinking a few times when he sees Bellamy sitting on his bed, looking both relieved and upset. His eyes find Sally next, who’d been sitting by his desk but is now standing.

“Hi,” Aaron says, turning for a moment to shut the door. When he turns back, both Sally and Bellamy are still staring, and they share a look before Bellamy stands.

“Aaron, we really need to talk.”

“What is this?” Aaron asks, the doorknob pressing against his back. “An intervention?”

“If you want to think of it that way,” Bellamy says, taking a step closer to him and holding out a hand. “Or it’s just us being really fucking concerned about you.” He pushes his hand out further, watching Aaron carefully.

Aaron looks between them one more time before slowly extending his hand, allowing Bellamy to pull him over to the bed to sit down. Once he does, Bellamy and Sally step in front of him.

“I get that you’re angry,” Sally starts, ignoring Aaron rolling his eyes. “I do. I’m not trying to say that none of this is my fault when most of it is. But…you’re not even letting me try!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Aaron asks, already feeling defensive and on edge.

“Every time I try to have a conversation with you, you just snap at me and push me away or run out of the room!”

“You’re doing it with everyone,” Bellamy adds, worrying at his lower lip. “You did it to Alex.”

Aaron grimaces, his stomach lurching. “I don’t want to talk about Alexander.”

“Too bad,” Bellamy says back, surprising Aaron with how hard his voice is. “You didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself. You just yelled at him and then shut him out! That’s not fair.”

“I don’t need a recap,” Aaron mumbles, feeling anger and frustration starting to build inside of him. “I know what I did. And I know what he did! He lied to me, Bell! Was I just supposed to let that go?”

Bellamy stares at him, his expression tense. He takes a deep breath, the sound audible in the room. “You lied to me.”

“What does that have to do with -“

“You lied to me about Sally, about you and Alex fake dating, you lied to me so much this year.”

“But – “

“And each time I was upset,” Bellamy continues, his voice growing a little higher pitched, “but I let you give me your side, and every time I forgave you, Aaron. Every time.”

Aaron turns away at that, his throat starting to burn. “What do you want me to say?” He asks, each word heavy on his tongue. “That you’re a better person than me? That I’m a jerk? Fine. I’m a jerk. But at least I’m not a pushover that lets people walk all over them.”

Bellamy’s expression twists, and he looks away from Aaron, but not quick enough for Aaron to miss the tears welling up in his eyes, adding another stab of guilt to Aaron’s chest.

Sally steps forward and takes one of Bellamy’s hands in hers, her gaze going to Aaron, eyes wide and confused and just a little angry. “What is wrong with you?”

Aaron chokes out a laugh at the question. “What’s wrong with me?” He stands up, legs wobbling as he puts weight on them. “What’s wrong with me?” He repeats, voice shaking. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me! Why don’t you tell me? You must know, since you left. _You_ tell me what’s wrong with me that makes everyone leave!”

The heavy silence that falls after that makes Aaron realize he’d been shouting. When both Sally and Bellamy stare at him, he looks away, taking a few stumbling steps forward, planning to run, to get out of the tight space and find somewhere he can breathe, but Bellamy blocks his path, puts his hands on Aaron’s shoulders and then pulls him into a hug.

And Aaron clings to him with his good hand, feels his breath starting to come in short pants, unable to breathe normally. “Everyone hates me,” he murmurs into Bellamy’s shoulder, feels his friend squeeze him tighter. “That’s why everyone leaves.” It has to be. It's the only thing that makes sense. He's the common denominator in every instance. 

“You know that’s not true,” Bellamy says, his voice soft.

“Mom and dad,” Aaron starts, meeting Sally’s gaze behind Bellamy. “They left us. I don’t even remember them.”

“Aaron.” Sally steps closer, pausing when Aaron shakes his head frantically, looking torn. “They didn’t leave. They loved us.”

Aaron just shakes his head again, breathing becoming even harder. He keeps his eyes on Sally. “And you…you left me. I needed you and you _left_.” Even just saying the words hurts.

“I know, Aaron, I know. I wish I could have done it in a better way, I wish I would have explained everything to you, but I was so scared. It was easier to just run, and I am _so_ sorry. None of it was your fault. I left so we could be happier. I was always going to come back and get you. I would never leave you.”

Aaron watches as Sally reaches out for him, Bellamy letting go of him. He only hesitates a moment before flinging himself at Sally, a sob escaping him as she wraps her arms around him tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out. “I’m sorry for being so mean. I just…” He swallows over the lump in his throat. “I wanted you to feel as…as shitty as I did when you were gone. And I know that’s…that’s stupid and not fair but I – “

“It’s not stupid,” Sally tells him, her own voice shaky. “It’s not. I get it, Aaron. I get it and I’m so, so sorry. I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

Aaron feels his breath rattle in his chest, and he tries to nod, to say yes, but he feels so numb. “I know I should,” he whispers. “But sometimes it’s just…I get in my head and…and I don’t…” He shuts his eyes and tries to breathe. “This year has been…” He tilts his head to the side and opens his eyes to look at Bellamy. “Thomas was in love with me and then he left. And then…” He inhales, needing to breathe, the room starting to spin. “Then Alexander told me he…he loved me, but he lied to me and I…”

Bellamy’s face softens. “He does love you,” Bellamy murmurs. “He _loves_ you, Aaron.”

Aaron just shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut again, everything starting to spin too fast. Everyone who has said they love him has left. When he found out Alexander lied, he figured he’d be the next to leave. So he made it happen first. He was at the end of his line. He felt betrayed, angry, scared; he still does. It’s all too much.

“You could talk to him,” Bellamy suggests.

“He’d be willing to,” Sally says next, her hand rubbing at Aaron’s back.

Aaron keeps his eyes closed, rests his forehead against Sally’s shoulder. “I don’t know,” he whispers, his chest tightening in nerves. “I’m still…I’m still so mad at him and I…maybe it’s not fair but I…” He doesn’t know how to explain how confused he is whenever he thinks about Alexander.

“Okay,” Sally murmurs seconds later. “It’s okay. You can think about it.”

Aaron nods, trying to believe that she’s right, that it’s okay. But none of it feels okay. He doesn’t feel okay.

But he tries to push that all aside for now, tries to focus on Sally’s arms around him, a physical remind that she’s here. Tries to focus on Bellamy coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around them both, smothering Aaron to the point of it being almost uncomfortable, but he doesn’t care, not when it helps the mess in his mind clear just a little.

He has to focus on the people that he still has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is just one giant mess.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation! Leave em here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies! 
> 
> :D


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before reading this, make sure you read the chapter I added this past Sunday as well :)
> 
> Enjoy x

The rest of the semester passes by strangely.

Each day feels like it lasts an entire year, but then Alex blinks and there’s only two weeks left, one of which is finals week.

He’s been spending most of his time with his friends, flocking from Eliza and Theodosia to Angelica and Laf and then to Peggy and John. And of course there’s Bellamy and Herc, who have taken to spending more time in Alex and Bellamy’s room, and Alex knows it’s to keep him company. He’s even hung out with Madison a few times, much to both of their surprise.

It’s almost enough to make him forget about Aaron.

Almost.

“He’s doing better, you know,” Bellamy tells him one day, hanging upside down from his bed, not falling completely only because Herc has an arm secured around his legs. “Aaron, I mean.”

Alex hums, keeping his gaze on his textbook. But his eyes don't take in the words, and he taps his pen against the page before finally moving his gaze to Bellamy. “Better how?” He asks, kind of hating himself for wanting to know.

Bellamy shrugs, which looks strange upside down. “Just…working things out. Talking more.”

Alex can’t help but laugh. “Wow. That is a big achievement for him.”

Both Bellamy and Herc stare at him after that, and Bellamy lifts his hands out to Herc, who grabs them and pulls Bellamy back up into a sitting position.

“Has he reached out to you at all?” Bellamy asks once he's situated.

“No.” Alex looks back down at his book, trying to keep his tone light. “He hasn’t.”

Herc clears their throat. “Have you reached out to him?”

Alex closes his textbook with a snap. “No. I already tried. He’s not interested.”

“Alex, maybe – “

“No,” he says again, looking up at his two friends. “Just…it’s up to him now, if we talk. I…” Alex bites at his lip and shakes his head. “I tried. I’m not giving him more reasons to yell at me. If he wants to talk, he knows where I live.”

He stands up and grabs his backpack from the floor, sliding his textbook into it.

“Wait!” Bellamy flails on the mattress, frowning in Alex’s direction when Herc pulls him back against their chest. “You don’t have to leave! I’m sorry, I’ll stop pushing it.”

Alex rolls his eyes but then smiles at Bellamy. “You’re fine. I have plans to study with Eliza. Besides…” He peers over at them, spots Herc’s hand high on Bellamy’s thigh, looking like they want to slide it higher. “You two look like you want some alone time.”

Bellamy’s face flushes, and Herc grins.

“Alex,” Herc starts, making him pause by the door. “Really. If you want to stay, want to talk more, we’re both here.” They give him a small smile, one that Alex returns.

“Thanks. But really, I’m okay.” And he is. Or at least he’s starting to be.

He gives them both a small wave before exiting the room backpack straps digging into his shoulders. He jammed like, three textbooks in there.

As he walks, Alex can’t stop his mind from going to Aaron, as it still does when he allows it to wander without guidance. He’s happy that Aaron is doing better, of course he is. He doesn’t want him to _not_ be better. It just hurts a little, to think that he’s better without Alex there.

He doesn’t feel better without Aaron, not really. He misses him, despite everything. He can’t help it.

But he also knows that what Aaron said to him isn’t okay.

It had taken a lot of talking, a lot of crying, to understand that, to get to that point. Aaron going back on his I love you and basically kicking Alex out of the hospital room, refusing to talk to him or even see him, wasn’t fair.

He knows that now, knows he didn’t deserve that.

But sometimes the words still come up into Alex’s mind, making him doubt everything. Maybe it _is_ all his fault, maybe he messed up so bad that he somehow deserved being yelled at. Maybe he never deserved Aaron loving him. How could someone like Aaron love someone like him? He’d been stupid to think Aaron meant it, had been stupid to even be upset by finding out, had –

Alex gives himself a small shake, focuses on walking instead of the thoughts running in his brain, making his heartbeat quicken.

He’s okay. He is.

He makes it to Eliza’s apartment a few minutes later, knocking on the door and bouncing on his heels as he waits.

The door opens and Madison is staring back at Alex, and he pops a potato chip into his mouth. “Hey,” he says through his mouthful. “Wanna come in?”

“Oh, uh…” Alex stares at him. “I mean, yeah. I just…what are you doing here?”

Madison raises an eyebrow. “I was invited.” He pops another chip into his mouth, chews it and continues to look at Alex.

“Cool.” Alex rocks forward on his feet. “Okay, well, yeah let’s go in.”

He follows Madison inside, feeling slightly relieved when he sees Eliza sitting at the kitchen table with her books in front of her. He isn’t sure how he’d feel having a study session with just Madison for company.

“Oh good, you’re here.” Eliza looks up and smiles. “I need a distraction. I’m already at my study limit. Take a seat.”

Alex flops down, letting his backpack slide to the floor. “Where’s Theodosia?”

“Oh, she’s off visiting – “ Eliza cuts off with a slight stutter, eyes going to Madison for a moment. “Uhm, well, she’s visiting Aaron.”

Alex gives her a look. “Just saying his name around me won’t make me cry, okay? I’m fine.” He bends down to unzip his backpack and grab his notes, straightening up again to see Eliza and Madison both giving him doubtful looks. “Seriously, guys, I’m _fine_. Can we study now?”

Madison and Eliza both stare at each other again, but then they both get out their books, and Alex breathes out slowly through his nose as he grabs his glasses, pushing them up the bridge of his nose.

He manages about five minutes of reading before he’s pushing his notes away with a sigh, wanting to roll his eyes when he looks up to see Eliza and Madison already staring at him expectantly.

“Do you…” Alex takes a moment to swallow. “Do you know how Aaron is doing?” He knows Bellamy said better, but he wants to know more.

“He’s been spending a lot more time with Sally,” Eliza tells him. “So I think that’s a good sign.”

Madison hums. “He hasn’t been in classes much, though, from what Thomas has told me.”

“I’ve heard that, too. Oh, and Sally is dating Maria now.”

Alex splutters and stares at Eliza with wide eyes. “What?”

“Yeah.” Eliza shrugs. “Apparently when Sally came to campus, she went to the diner Maria works at and met her there and they flirted but never got names. Then they finally met again and basically hit it off immediately.”

“Damn,” Alex breathes out, leaning back in his chair. “That’s…wow.” He can’t help but think how weird that must be for Aaron, how frustrating. Like his sister barges back into his life, which has been pretty shitty, and immediately gets a girlfriend? Rough.

Alex frowns as another thought hits him. How is it that Sally coming back got her a girlfriend, but lost Alex a boyfriend? Sure, he played a part in it, but still. The universe has a weird sense of humor.

He drags his notes back over to him, not wanting to think about his whole situation with Aaron anymore. It’s all still so confusing and hurts too much, and Alex always ends up reaching the same conclusion;

That he misses Aaron and wants him back.

But he _can’t_ reach that conclusion. He can’t want Aaron back because Aaron doesn’t want him back. More than that, Aaron won’t even apologize to him, won’t admit that he messed up, too. If they could both just get there, to admitting they both fucked up…Alex thinks they could be okay again.

He gives himself another shake and forces his eyes to start to re-read his notes. Reaches out for a pen a few minutes later to underline as he goes, hoping the simple action of drawing a line under some words will somehow make him memorize and understand the information.

Eventually his mind does allow him to focus on his work, on his studying, and time passes smoothly for an hour or so, but then Alex can feel his wrist start to ache, and his vision is going blurry. Even worse, his chest is starting to tighten.

He pushes his notes away again, slips his glasses off and rubs at his eyes, taking a few deep breathes. But the tight feeling only grows worse, so he stands up, causing Madison and Eliza to both look at him.

Alex clears his throat. “Do you…you don’t happen to have a puzzle around, do you?”

Eliza blinks at him. “A puzzle?”

“Never mind,” he says quickly, embarrassment hitting him. “That’s…just forget it.”

“Alex, no, it’s fine. I can go look.”

He shakes his head. “No, forget it. Please.” He doesn’t want to do one anymore, doesn’t want to sit on the ground and think about the last time he did a puzzle, when Aaron had been there with him.

He hadn’t judged Alex for freaking out, hadn’t told him useless things like “hey, you’ll be fine.” He’d just grabbed a fucking puzzle and sat there for hours until Alex felt better again. Who even does that? Who –

“Alex?”

He jumps when Eliza’s hand rests on his shoulder, turning to see her now standing beside him with a concerned expression. “Sorry,” he murmurs, even more embarrassed to find his voice comes out uneven and wobbly.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

He laughs, the sound hollow. “It’s stupid.” He ducks his head, not wanting to have to look at anyone. “When…last semester, during finals and everything, whenever I was stressed I would go see Aaron and he’d calm me down. We’d…we’d do puzzles together.” Saying it out loud makes him feel even stupider. He glances back up at Eliza, who is staring at him in sympathy.

“I can go buy one,” Eliza tells him, sounding so sincere that it makes Alex’s heart twist. “It’ll only take a bit and – “

“No,” Alex says, laughing again and bringing a hand up to wipe at his nose. “No, that’s…don’t worry about it.” It won’t be the same, anyway. Alex knows that.

“Can I ask what may sound like a very insensitive, nosy question?” Madison asks from where he’s still sitting at the table.

Alex hesitates, but then shrugs. “I guess.”

“Why don’t you and Aaron just talk? Like I get it was a messy breakup, but…can’t you just call him? Write him a letter? Something?”

Alex bites at his lip, doesn’t know if he wants to get into this now, here. But then he meets Eliza’s gaze, which is so full of concern, and he feels some of his resistance start to chip away. Maybe he should talk about it. Maybe it’ll help.

“It’s just…complicated,” he starts slowly. “It’s not just…it’s not just the fact that I kept information from him. It’s…he said something and I…” Alex takes a deep breath. “I just don’t know if I can…or if I should…”

“You don’t need to tell us,” Eliza says gently, but Alex shakes his head.

“No, I…it’s fine. It’s just…" Alex's breath hitches, but he swallows past it, keeps going. "Aaron said that he loved me but then Sally came and we got in a fight and then he said that he never meant it when he said it and took it back and I don’t…I mean, if that’s true then…then I can’t – “ He doesn’t realize how fast he’d been speaking until he stops, bringing a hand up to press it against his chest.

Eliza slides her hand down to his, tugging at it and then intertwining their fingers together. “I had no idea,” she murmurs. “Alex, if I’d know he did that, I wouldn’t have pushed so hard for you to talk to him or make up or – “

“Don’t say that,” Alex tells her. “It’s not…I don’t want you to hate him. _I_ don’t even hate him.” He laughs again. “Maybe I should. I don’t know.”

A chair creaks, and Alex peers over to see Madison looking uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have asked. I knew that, and yet, I still did it.”

Alex chuckles. “No worries.”

“Maybe this is just me being too optimistic,” Eliza starts, and Alex looks back at her. “But…I mean, do you think Aaron really meant it? Or, I mean…do you think he meant saying he _didn’t_ mean it, if that makes sense.”

Again, Alex shrugs. “I don’t know. But…but even if…if he didn’t mean it, taking it back, it’s still…” He trails off, trying to find the words he wants to say. “It’s still really shitty of him.”

Eliza laughs at that, Madison’s low chuckle joining in. “That’s true,” she says. “Like…majorly shitty of him. Top tier shitty.”

“Yeah.” Alex gives her an appreciative smile. “It’s just…nobody ever…I mean, surprise alert, I didn’t exactly have friends as a kid. And my dad didn't stuck around, and after my mom died, it…I didn’t exactly hear I love you a lot.”

A heavy silence follows his words, and Alex shifts, feels his face heat up. He shouldn’t have said that. He just made things awkward. He –

“Alex.” Eliza’s voice is soft, kind, and she squeezes his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“I know things could have been worse,” he continues, on a roll now. “My foster family is nice, and like, I still live with them now and they always have a room for me and treat me well. But I…I don’t fit in. They don’t love me like a son, and I don’t blame them for that. I just…I feel like I’m always second best and I hate it.”

“Alex…”

“It’s…I mean, I’m not, trying to have a pity party,” he explains, still feeling awkward. “I just…I want to know why it seems like Aaron doesn’t even miss me, you know? Like…is it really so easy for him?” He feels his mouth twitch, feels his throat start to burn. “I get that I’m annoying sometimes, clingy, but I mean, I thought he’d at least miss me a little.”

“He does,” Eliza says. “He does, Alex, I know he does.”

Alex just shakes his head, unsure, wanting to believe her, but not. “I don’t know.” It doesn’t seem like Aaron loves him.

“You know you have us, right?” Eliza squeezes his hand again, gives him a bright smile. “You’ll always have us. You have friends now, friends that care about you. We love you.” She glances over her shoulder at Madison, who shifts in his chair.

“Oh, yeah.” He coughs. “I mean, we don’t know each other well, so…but I’m sure we’ll get there.”

Alex laughs, the first genuine laugh in a while, and he squeezes Eliza’s hand back. “Yeah, I know. I love you guys, too.”

Eliza beams at him. “Now come on, I think we all need a break. I’ve got cookie dough in the freezer and a giant blanket Theodosia knitted me that we can wrap all three of us in.”

Alex smiles back at her. “Sounds good."

-

Finals week comes and goes, and Alex know that he did well on his exams. More than well, if he’s not being modest, which he never is.

But there’s still a sinking feeling in his stomach as he packs up all of his things, not quite ready to leave for the summer. The only thing that cheers him up is the fact that he didn’t pack much in the first place. Watching Bellamy struggle to pack up all his belongings make Alexs very glad that he’s a light packer.

“So what are your summer plans?” Bellamy asks as he stuffs another shirt into his already overstuffed bag. “Got anything fun lined up?”

“Not really. Probably finding a job.”

“Nice. I lifeguard during the summer. But Herc is gonna come visit and they promised to swim when I work, which will be nice.”

“That doesn’t seem safe,” Alex comments, figuring that Herc will definitely distract Bellamy from paying attention to the other swimmers.

But Bellamy just shrugs. “It’ll be fine. You know, you could totally come visit, too.”

Alex opens his mouth, but then hesitates. He knows that visiting means he’d run into Aaron, and he’s still not quite sure that either of them are ready for that.

“Maybe,” he says eventually, and Bellamy nods, like he knows exactly what’s running through Alex’s mind.

“Well, just let me know.” Bellamy starts to tug at the zipper on his bag, cursing when it doesn’t close. “I need another bag.” He glances over at Alex. “When are you leaving again?”

“Soon, actually.” He checks his phone. “Angelica is giving me a ride, which I had to beg her to do, so I really can’t be late.”

Bellamy nods again, then he’s abandoning his bag and bounding over to Alex, wrapping him up in a hug that’s actually pretty painful, but Alex endures it, even pats Bellamy on the back a few times.

“Have a great summer,” Bellamy tells him, pulling away. “And like I said, come visit. Or I can come visit you!”

“Sure,” Alex says, laughing a little. “Definitely one of those.” He smiles and takes a step back. “I’ll see you around, Bellamy.”

Alex glances around the room one last time to make sure he isn’t forgetting anything, then he waves at Bellamy and starts to drag his duffle bag from the room, already kind of missing his dorm.

He’s barely made it out of the dorm building when someone calls his name, and he looks up to see John running over to him, a big smile on his face.

“Hey,” he says breathlessly once he reaches Alex. “You need help? I already dragged all my stuff to a car, so I’m a pretty experienced bag lifter.”

Alex snorts. “Sure, have at it.” He hands one bag to John, keeps the other in his own grip and starts walking again, the wheels of the duffle bag loud against he concrete. “How’d exams go?”

“Oh, you know.” John shrugs and makes a so-so gesture. “But I survived, so I’m counting it as a win.”

Alex hums in response, his eyes moving around the crowds of people also in the process of moving out. He knows it’s stupid, but he can’t help but hope he’ll catch sight of Aaron, that they’ll at least get to say goodbye.

It’s been hard enough not seeing him over the past month or so. He can’t imagine going three whole months without talking to him. Doesn’t want to imagine it.

Him and John reach where Angelica has parked her car about ten minutes later, and start to toss his things into the trunk. When they’re done, John pulls him off to the side, looking a little nervous as he shoves his hands into his pockets.

“So,” he starts. “I don’t know what your plans are, but, if you want, you could come stay with me for a week or whatever. South Carolina is pretty nice, and I know I’d appreciate the company.”

“Oh.” Alex blinks at him, a little taken aback. “Well, that’s…” He trails off and stares at John, remembering their first kiss way back at the beginning of the year, remembering the kisses that came after. But he also remembers wishing that he was kissing someone else, wishing that he was with someone else.

He still does.

“Alex?”

He blinks again, realizes he hasn’t given an answer. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to,” he says slowly. “But thanks.”

John gives him a steady look, like he knows Alex is just avoiding flat out saying no. But he smiles and shrugs a shoulder. “Fair enough.” He rocks forward on his heels, grins wide, and then presses a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “See you.”

Alex can’t help but smile back. “Fuck off, John.”

John laughs and shakes his head, but he turns and waves at Alex over his shoulder, and then is lost in the crowds of families throwing suitcases into cars.

Alex laughs under his breath, and then he turns, wanting to look back at campus before leaving, but when he does, he freezes.

Aaron is standing just a few feet away, looking right back at Alex with an expression of shock that quickly morphs into something else. Anger? Regret? Alex can’t tell. And then Aaron is turning away from him, starting to walk away, and Alex feels something inside him snap.

“Hey!” He shouts, starting to run. “Wait! Aaron!” His feet carry him closer, and he sees Aaron stop, sees his shoulders tense, and he turns again, facing Alex.

And Alex pauses in front of him, breathing hard, feels something coursing through him. He looks at Aaron, notices that his cast is off, watches his mouth open.

“I – “

“Were you really just gonna leave?” Alex asks, fists clenching at his sides. “You were just gonna walk away, after not speaking to me for over a month? You were gonna just let it end that way?”

Aaron blinks at him, his lips still slightly parted. But then they close, and Alex sees him swallow, eyes darting to the ground. He shifts on his feet, his deep breath audible even with all the people walking around them. Then he looks back up at Alex, eyes wide.

And there’s silence. He says nothing.

“What? You still have nothing to say to me?” Alex shakes his head. “You’ve had weeks and weeks to think of something to say, Aaron, come on. Come _on!_ ” He can feel himself losing control, can feel everything he’s been keeping in starting to come out. “Maybe an apology would be a good place to start.”

But Aaron just keeps staring, looking so helpless that Alex feels his chest clench, but he pushes that feeling away, refusing to feel sorry for him.

“I know I screwed up,” Alex continues. “I know that. But I also know that I did what I did because I didn’t want you to get hurt, because I didn’t know what would happen when I told you, and I was scared. I get now that I should have told you, that would have been better, but I made a mistake. And I think you know that, you _have_ to know that. I didn’t keep it from you to hurt you. I was trying to look out for you.”

Aaron looks away from him at that, jaw working. Seconds go by, and Aaron just keeps staring at the ground, his shoulders rising and falling with each deep breath. Slowly, his gaze returns to Alex, mouth opening again, but Alex rushes on, needing to say what he wants to before anything else can happen.

“I didn’t deserve what you said,” he gets out in a hurry. “At the hospital. When you said…when you said you never meant it, that you didn’t love me…I didn’t deserve that. I…I know you were angry, that you were probably in shock, but…it…I…” He trails off, has to catch his breath, has to stop his mind from spinning so fast.

“I know.” Aaron’s voice is low, hoarse, barely above a whisper, but it still makes Alex’s stomach flip. But then Aaron goes back to just staring, those two words seeming to take too much energy to get out for him to say anything else.

“Do you?” Alex asks softly. “Cause you took your sweet fucking time to finally come and tell me that. And if I hadn’t stopped you from leaving, you still wouldn’t have said it. And I needed to hear you say it, needed to hear you say it about two months ago.”

“I’m – “

“No.” Alex takes a step back, shaking his head. “I…I really thought I could do this, could talk to you. But it’s…it’s all such a mess and I don’t…I don’t know.” He tilts his head back. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” He breathes in through his nose, blinks at the sky. “You saying you loved me meant so fucking much. And you just…” Alex shrugs. “You just took it back so easily.”

Alex waits after that, waits for Aaron to say something. But he doesn’t. So Alex takes another step back, lets his head tilt back down, starts to turn away, to walk towards the parking lot.

A hand slips into his, tugging, and Alex’s steps falter.

He turns back to see Aaron staring down at their hands, like he’s just as surprised. They both stand there, waiting, and Aaron finally looks up at him, eyes searching. Alex can feel his hand shaking, and his own heart starts to pound against his ribs.

“Alexander,” he says, voice still low, cracking over his name. “I don’t know why I…” He stops, eyebrows furrowing, like he’s frustrated with himself. “I’m…” He squeezes Alex’s hands. “I’m sorry,” he breathes out. “I’m _sorry_.”

Alex stands there, his hand still in Aaron’s, the words washing over him, making him feel so much all at once that he’s almost dizzy because of it. He opens his mouth, but now he’s the one with words getting stuck in his throat, and nothing comes out.

And Aaron just nods, lips twitching. He lets go of Alex’s hand, clenches his at his side. He nods again, eyes still locked on Alex’s, but then he turns and starts to walk away.

And Alex lets him, doesn’t know what else to do, feels like his feet are glued to the ground.

All he can do is watch, Aaron getting further and further away from him with each passing second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like...they kind of made progress???? Like...a baby step of progress?
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies! 
> 
> :D


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! x

“Is there anything specific that you wanted to talk about today, Aaron?”

The question is one that Aaron is familiar with, seeing as it’s how Dr. Franklin starts every one of their sessions.

But still Aaron hesitates, shifts in the chair that always feels too big, and thinks. He’s sure there are things he wants to talk about, things he _should_ talk about, but he gets asked and it’s like everything flies out of his mind.

Even though it’s already been almost two months of Aaron going to therapy, he’s still not exactly sure how he feels about it. He started seeing one of the therapists in the college health center, which had been okay, and then when summer started, Sally had helped him find a therapist closer to where they live.

He’d skipped out the first few times, something holding him back from wanting to go. But then Sally had found out and drove him herself to each appointment, waited in the parking lot until he was done with promises of taking him out for food afterwards.

It feels somewhat normal now, like a routine, which Aaron appreciates. He likes having a routine, a structure to his day. And he likes having someone to talk to, especially someone he doesn’t know, who can’t judge him. Or at least not out loud.

“You just moved to a new home this summer, isn’t that right?” Dr. Franklin prods when Aaron continues to sit in silence. “How is that going? How are you adjusting to it?”

Aaron shrugs. “It’s fine.” He lets his hand smooth over the arm of the chair, the material scratchy beneath his palm. “I like it.”

“What do you like about it?”

“I like that it’s mine,” Aaron starts. “I like how it looks. I like that it’s just me and my sister.”

He can still remember the day that Sally drove him to their uncle’s house with Bellamy and Herc in the backseat, can still remember being unable to get out of the car, can remember watching from the window as Herc, Bell, and Sally all went up to the house.

They’d gone inside, and Aaron had just sat there, listening to his heart pound in his chest, counting to one hundred in his head and then starting over again, repeating this until they came back out again, boxes filled with Aaron’s belongings in their hands.

And then they’d driven back to the new apartment, just like that.

But Aaron felt as if a whole anvil had been lifted off his chest. He never has to see his uncle again, never has to talk to him or ask him for permission or anything. He never has to go into that house again.

“I just like it,” Aaron says, shrugging again, but Dr. Franklin nods, a smile on his face.

“That’s good. And you’ve been keeping yourself busy? Seeing friends?”

Aaron gives a half nod. “I see my friend Bellamy most days. And – “ He cuts off when his phone buzzes in his pocket. “Sorry…can I?” He gets out his phone when Dr. Franklin nods, heart speeding up a little when he sees it’s a message from Alexander, but then his stomach sinks when he reads it.

_ >>> Can’t talk today, something came up._

Aaron puts his phone away, tries not to think about the message, tries to not let it freak him out.

Him and Alexander have been texting a lot recently, they even have a day and time they both agreed on to just text back and forth until one of them falls asleep. When Aaron had first reached out, had sent Alexander a text that was so long it probably took him ten minutes to read, he never thought they’d get to where they are.

Sure, it took Alexander three days to respond to that first text, and their first few conversations had been short and awkward, but still. Alexander had agreed to talking, or to texting, at least. Which is a start. More of a start than Aaron deserves. And he knows it’s a lot for Alexander, that he needs time, so Aaron tries not to be upset that Alexander is skipping out on this week.

The sound of pages turning causes Aaron to blink, to re-focus on where he is, and he sees Dr. Franklin flipping through the pages on his clipboard.

“Last week you mentioned feeling uncomfortable expressing emotions.” He glances at Aaron. “Do we want to talk about that more today? How have you been expressing your emotions lately?”

Aaron sighs, feels himself sink further back into his chair, wishing he’d sink into it completely and disappear. “I don’t know. Talking, I guess.” He waves a hand in the air. “Communication and all that.”

Dr. Franklin nods. “Good, that’s good. There are other ways of expressing emotion, too. Through actions, for example. Are you expressing emotions through actions?”

Aaron wants to roll his eyes, but he stops himself, has to remind himself that this is good for him, that there’s probably a point to it that he’ll come to realize later.

He tilts his head back slightly as he thinks. “You mean like…doing nice things for people?”

“Yes, let’s start there.”

“I make coffee for my sister every morning,” Aaron says slowly, still looking up at the ceiling. “Does that count?”

“Of course. It shows gratitude, shows care. That’s a great example.”

Aaron shrugs. “I don’t think she really notices.” He glances down at Dr. Franklin, sees him raise an eyebrow.

“Try not making it one day. I think she would notice.”

“I guess.”

“Why do you make coffee every morning for you sister?”

Aaron considers the question, taps his fingers on the armrest. “It started as like…a peace offering, I guess?” He clears his throat. “I mean, we’d talked things out a lot, but I just…I thought…”

“That you should show her you forgave her?”

Aaron shifts in his chair. “Yeah.”

“That’s good, Aaron.” Dr. Franklin nods, smiles at him. “Words are important, but they need follow through.”

Aaron nods, thoughts going from Sally to Alexander, to their conversations through texts. “Yeah,” he murmurs, fingers still tapping against the chair as his thoughts start to turn. “I know.”

“Is there anything else you want to talk about today?”

Aaron squirms, bites at the inside of his cheek. “Is…how…are there better ways to show someone you care about them?”

“Better ways?”

“Better than coffee,” Aaron explains, not meeting Dr. Franklin’s eyes, already feeling embarrassed enough at asking. He probably sounds stupid. What kind of loser doesn’t know how to show someone they care about them?

“What do you think, Aaron?”

He can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes at the question this time, wishing he could just get a straight answer for once. “I don’t know.” He lets out a short huff of breath. “Just…doing things for someone? Like…being there.” He waves a hand in front of him again, hoping that will somehow convey what he’s trying to say.

“Being there is definitely important. But being there doing what, exactly?”

“I don’t know…stuff.” He tilts his head back to stare up at the ceiling, eyes tracing the lines. “Supporting that person. Talking to them. Telling them that…that you care and then proving it.”

“How do you prove it?”

Aaron keeps his head back, keeps his eyes on the ceiling. “I don’t know,” he murmurs again. “I don’t know.”

“There are hundreds of ways to prove it, Aaron. Just trying is a very important first step. Even if you miss the mark, people will see that you’re trying an appreciate it.”

“I just…” Aaron swallows around the dryness in his throat. “I feel like…what if I don’t deserve to try?” He looks back down at Dr. Franklin. “What if I already messed up so bad that I shouldn’t try because I don’t deserve that person forgiving me?”

Dr. Franklin blinks at him. “There’s a lot to unpack in there. Let’s start with your word choice of ‘deserve’. Why don’t you _deserve_ to try to earn forgiveness?”

“Because I messed up,” Aaron answers, thinking of how he’d yelled at Alexander, and then of how he said I’m sorry but then just walked away, still not explaining everything.

“So anyone who messes up doesn’t deserve a second chance?”

Aaron shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Let’s move to the other person, then. What do they deserve?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do _they_ deserve you trying to earn their forgiveness?”

Aaron opens his mouth, pausing as the question sinks in. “I…yes,” he says slowly. “They do, I guess. I mean, yeah. Yeah, they do.”

“Why?”

“They deserve to be apologized to. Because I hurt them. So I should…try for them?”

Dr. Franklin dips his head into a nod. “Good. But Aaron, you know _you_ also deserve to try. Just doing nothing isn’t fair to the other person or to yourself. You need to stop punishing yourself. We’ve spent the last month working through your anger at others, discovering it was misplaced, discovering the anger was towards yourself. That’s great progress, Aaron. But now it’s time to let it go, and work past all of it and let other emotions take its place so you and others can move on.”

Aaron chews at his cheek, brings his hands down to his lap and wipes his palms over his thighs. He knows it’s good, knows that he's made progress. But now that he knows he was mainly angry at himself for not trying harder with Sally, for pushing Alexander away, he just feels like he doesn’t deserve explaining himself. He hurt a so many people.

“I’ll try,” Aaron settles on saying, figuring it’s a good start.

His session goes on for about fifteen more minutes, and then Aaron is in the car, driving back home feeling both better but also more fidgety. He wants things with Sally and Alexander to be fixed right now, wants things with _him_ to be fixed right now. Usually he has no trouble waiting, prefers waiting, but he wants everything to be better as fast as possible.

Aaron gets home and kicks his shoes off, but then pushes them back over to the orderly line up of other shoes against the wall, knowing that Sally hates tripping over his shoes every morning. He hangs his coat up and then he heads down the hall, pausing when he sees Sally’s door is closed.

He knows that when it’s closed, that means Maria is over.

Otherwise Sally always keeps her door open, started doing it after Aaron asked her to. He’s prone to late nights of being awake and restless, and usually walks around the house when he can’t sleep, and he likes to walk past Sally’s room and see that she’s still there.

She’s been dating Maria for almost three months now, two of which had taken Aaron an immense amount of time to get used to. But to be honest, he kind of likes it now, likes having both Sally and Maria so close, likes seeing them both happy.

Aaron hesitates a moment before knocking, not wanting to disturb them but also wanting to see them.

Sally opens it a few seconds later, already smiling, and Aaron can see Maria sitting on the bed from over her shoulder.

“Hey,” Sally says. “How’d it go today?”

“Fine,” Aaron answers. His usual answer. He doesn’t like talking about everything he talks about with Dr. Franklin with Sally. He’s trying to figure it out first, before explaining it to anyone else. “How are you?”

Sally’s grin widens, and she lets out a small chuckle. “I’m doing pretty good.” She glances back at Maria, who makes an exaggerated kissing noise before winking at his sister.

Aaron forces himself to not look too disgusted. “Cool. I just…” He trails off, and then shrugs. “Thought maybe that you two would want to go do something? With me?” He realizes how unappealing that must sound to the two of them. “Or not. Sorry, I – “

“Sure,” Maria says, cutting him off. She stands up and walks over, slinging an arm around Sally’s waist. “We’re down. Where do you want to go?”

Aaron glances at Sally first, wanting to make sure that she’s okay with him interrupting their time together. And Sally just smiles at him, so he shrugs again. “I don’t know. Anywhere. I didn’t really have a plan.”

“Spontaneous,” Maria says with a hum. “I like it.”

“Let’s do dinner,” Sally suggests. “At that new Italian place. They do those awesome, endless breadsticks.”

“I’ll pay,” Aaron says in a rush, patting at his pockets. “Just let me go grab my wallet, it’s in my coat.”

He rushes back out to where he hung up his coat, grabbing his wallet and phone from the pocket. Once his phone is in his hand, Aaron remembers the text Alexander sent him, and opens up his messages. His fingers hover over the keyboard for a moment.

      _< << That’s fine. I’ll talk to you next week, then. Have a good night._

He pockets his phone and turns to see Maria and Sally walking out from the hall, both of them laughing, and he feels his lips curve up into a smile.

“Ready to go?” He asks, and they both nod.

-

“I’m just saying,” Maria starts, stabbing her fork into her pasta. “When you go out with friends, it’s like…a silent agreement that everyone shares their food.”

Aaron wrinkles his nose. “I don’t want your germs all over my food. You should have just gotten what I did if you want it so bad.”

“But I also wanted what I got.”

“Well, win some lose some, then.” Aaron smirks when Maria glares at him, and Sally just shakes her head.

“You two are something else,” she murmurs, but she smiles. “A good something else, though.” She laughs when Maria reaches out with her fork to take a portion of food from her plate. “You’re lucky I like you.”

Maria grins. “Oh, I know.”

Aaron watches them both smiling at each other and then glances down at his food. “You two are grossly cute.”

“Thanks, bro.”

“Don’t be jealous,” Maria adds, then she pauses and Aaron looks up to see her staring at him. “I didn’t mean that in a mean way.”

Aaron gives her a small smile. “I know.”

They all eat in silence for a little bit, but then Sally clears her throat, glancing at Maria quickly before moving her gaze to Aaron.

“So…so how have things been lately?”

Aaron raises an eyebrow. “Things? Things have been good.” He takes a drink from his glass. “I’m…what things do you mean?”

“Things as in Alexander.”

Aaron nods, knowing that’s what Sally was going to get at eventually. “We’re still talking and everything. Slow progress.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to push. But I know it’s my responsibility to…to reach out, or whatever.” 

Sally knocks her shoulder against his. “That’s good progress.”

“Yeah.” Aaron nods again, then he turns to look closer at Sally, taking a deep breath. It's so much harder to talk about these things outside of therapy. “And…we’ve made progress, right? You and me?” He fiddles with his fork, stomach twisting. “I mean, I…I know why you…everything you did, I understand now. And I…I know I messed up, too, and I’m sorry but I get it if you’re still mad and – “

“Aaron.” Sally puts her hand on his, squeezes it. “We’re good. More than good.”

Aaron swallows and nods, flips his hand so he can squeeze Sally’s hand back. “Okay. I…I love you.”

Sally smiles at him. “And I love you back.”

“Y’all kill me,” Maria cuts in, and they both turn to look at her. “But now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, how about we get some dessert menus? I mean, if Aaron is paying, I am not passing on dessert.”

Aaron and Sally laugh, and they flag down their waiter.

They get back home an hour later, and Aaron flops onto his bed, feeling comfortably full of ice cream. He grabs his phone and rolls onto his back, stomach fluttering when he sees that Alexander responded to his text from earlier.

    _ >>> Or we could talk tomorrow?_

Aaron stares at the message for a few seconds, then quickly taps out a response.

  _ <<< Tomorrow sounds great. I’m free whenever._

A few minutes later, Alexander responds.

    _ >>> Good. And I really was busy, btw. I wasn’t avoiding you._

_ >>> I like talking to you_

Aaron stares at the messages, a smile spreading across his face.

      _< << Me, too._

He swears when he realizes how that must sound, and quickly types out another response.

  _ <<< I meant that I like talking to you, too._

_ >>> I know, Aaron. Goodnight._

Aaron is still smiling as he texts goodnight back, feeling ridiculously happy over such a simple text. But he can’t help it. Not talking to Alexander for so long had been awful, and finally accepting that it was his own fault for all of that, Aaron had been feeling immensely guilty for months.

The fact that Alexander is willing to still talk to him, that he likes talking to him...it’s more than Aaron deserves.

-

“I can’t believe you still haven’t finished unpacking.”

Aaron glances over his shoulder at Bellamy, who is lounging on Aaron’s bed with one leg dangling off the side.

“I just haven’t felt like it,” Aaron tells him, not bothering to say that for the first month or so he was worried something would happen. That Sally would leave again or their uncle would somehow make them move back to his house. “But now I do.”

“Do you want us to help?” Herc asks from their spot at Aaron’s desk. “I feel bad just sitting here and watching.”

Aaron shrugs. “It’s fine. I like the company.”

Sally is out with Maria, so he;d invited Bellamy and Herc over, not liking when the apartment is quiet.

He turns back around, takes a few more things from the box in front of him before kicking it aside. Then he stretches up to grab the next box from his closet shelf, glad that it’s light as he sets it down at his feet. Then he freezes, still bent over it, blinking down at the contents.

“Aaron?” Bellamy’s voice asks from behind him. “Are you okay? You didn’t hurt your back or something did you? We can try and crack it. Herc is really good at that.”

“My back is fine,” Aaron murmurs, his own voice sounding fuzzy and far away. “I just…I forgot…” He trails off, and then jumps when a hand lands on his shoulder, Bellamy tugging him up into a standing position.

“What’s all that?”

“It’s…” Aaron swallows. “It’s, uh, some stuff Alexander got me and…just some other things.”

Herc stands and comes up behind them both, and then they whistle. “You have an Alex box.”

Aaron feels his face go warm, but he gives a small nod. He’d packed all the things that reminded him of Alexander into the box, hadn’t wanted to get rid of them. It was probably his subconscious telling him that he was the one messing everything up and would regret tossing everything.

He bends back down, takes out the framed drawing of him and Alexander that Maria did, and stares at it, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. How did things back then, when they were fake dating, seem so much easier?

Aaron sets the picture down gently, and puts the cat puzzle Alexander had gotten him for Christmas beside it. Next is the Build-A-Bear, glasses slightly askew on its face. Aaron fixes them, his throat growing tight.

“I really messed up, didn’t I?” He murmurs, moving his hands to hold the bear tighter. He squeezes, the fur soft under his hands, and then his breath hitches when noise starts to fill the room.

“You are my sunshine,” Alexander’s voice starts to sing from the bear, sounding slightly off tune and scratchy. “My only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.” He laughs then. “Sorry for ruining your favorite song. I don’t know how long these recording things last but – “ it cuts off there, and Aaron laughs, the noise becoming a sob a second later.

“Aaron?” Bellamy’s hand is back on his shoulder, but Aaron shakes his head, feeling overwhelmed.

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have been so mean? Alexander only ever did things to help him or make him feel better and Aaron pushed him away, yelled at him, told him awful things. Alexander will never forgive him. Aaron will never forgive himself. How can he? How can he forgive himself when Alexander did so much for him, only to have Aaron throw it all back in his face. How can they ever come back from that? How –

“I have to go see him,” Aaron says, his voice coming out shaky. “I have to go see him right now, I – “

“Aaron, hold on.” Bellamy stops him by putting his other hand on his shoulder, giving him a small shake. “Hey, just stop for a second. What’s going on?”

Aaron swallows, tries to take a deep breath through his nose. “I…the song, it…I told him my mom used to sing it to me when I was little, that it was one of the only memories I had of her. I told it to him months ago in passing. But he…he remembered and he…” He stops there, looks back down at the bear and his vision starts to go blurry. "He fucking made me a bear and sang me the song and I...I..."

He can’t remember the last time someone did something so nice for him. He can’t remember the last time someone listened to him as much as Alexander did, like _really_ listened to him. He told Alexander so much about his life, trusted him with so much, and Alexander always surprised him with how easily he accepted everything.

And now Aaron is holding this stupid fucking bear with glasses that is supposed to resemble Alexander but is just a slap to the face in regards to how little he really has of Alexander now. And it’s all his fault.

And he has to fix it.

“I have to go see him,” Aaron says again, looking up at Bellamy, who shares a glance with Herc. “I _have_ to. I’ll…I’ll call him first. I won’t just…just barge into his house.”

“Good plan,” Herc mutters, looking a little taken aback at everything going on. But they reach over to tug Bellamy’s hands away from Aaron’s shoulders.

Aaron’s hand immediately goes to his pocket, pulling out his phone. He stares down at the screen, tries to calm his nerves as he pulls up Alexander’s contact.

He answers on the third ring.

“Aaron? I didn’t know we were gonna be talking on the phone, I – “

“Can I come see you?” Aaron blurts out, all finesse thrown out the window. He holds his breath as he waits, Alexander silent on the other end. Fuck. “Or…I mean, not…not if you don’t…but I – “

“You want to come see me?” Alexander asks slowly. “Like…at my house?”

“Yes,” Aaron answers quickly. “I…I want to talk to you.”

“Well, I definitely hope we wouldn’t just be staring at each other.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, can’t help it. Alexander never changes. “Is…can I? It’s…I want to talk to you and explain…explain everything.”

“Explain everything,” Alexander repeats, and Aaron hears him sigh. “I’m not sure.”

Aaron bites so hard at the inside of his cheek that he thinks he tastes blood. He breathes in once, twice. “It’s…I get it if you don’t. That’s…yeah. I just…” Another deep breath. “We’ve been texting, and that’s…I’m so glad for that, Alexander, that you’ve given me that. And me coming over isn’t…it’s not just for me, it’s…I just want to…you deserve it.”

A beat of silence. “I deserve you coming over?”

Aaron swears. Why is talking about this stuff so much easier in therapy?

“No, that’s not…or yes. I mean, what I have to say, I think that…that you deserve to hear it because you were right and I…I just need to see you and tell you everything.”

Alexander is quiet. He’s quiet for so long that Aaron thinks he must have hung up. But then –

“Okay,” Alexander says, his voice soft. He clears his throat. “Okay, yeah. Come over. When…when do you think you’ll get here?”

“Three hours max,” Bellamy shouts suddenly, and Aaron jumps and turns to see him and Herc listening to their conversation with attentive expressions. “I’m driving him!”

“Bell, I don’t – “

“I won’t come in,” Bellamy adds, shaking his head. “That would be weird. But I’m driving you.”

Aaron blinks at him, but then nods. “Okay. Okay. Three hours, then. Is that good?”

“Yeah,” Alexander says, sounding a little breathless. “That’s…okay. See you in three hours.”

“See you in three hours,” Aaron echoes, and then the call is ending, and he’s back to staring at a dark screen, his heart pounding in his chest. “Holy shit.”

“We gotta go now,” Bellamy says, and he’s smiling. “We gotta get you to your man.”

Aaron laughs, feeling giddy and nervous and too much all at once. But he still shakes his head. “He’s not…don’t say that. I’m not trying to…I just want to apologize.” That's his only goal with this. To apologize to Alexander and make it clear that Aaron messed up, that he made mistakes, that Alexander shouldn't blame himself for any of what happened.

Bellamy opens his mouth to say something else, but then Herc is elbowing him in the side.

“That’s good, Aaron,” Herc tells him. “Really.” They glance at Bellamy, who is still looking excited, and they smile, too, looking back at Aaron. “And you know what goes great with apologies? Flowers. Everyone loves flowers.”

Aaron feels his stomach flutter at the suggestion, and his mind goes back to what his therapist told him, about ways to expression emotions. He nods. “Sunflowers,” he finds himself saying. “I…let’s get sunflowers.”

“Fuck yeah,” Bellamy whispers, and then he’s bounding over to the door. “This is my one chance to be the supporting role in a romantic comedy, and I am going to be great.” He catches Aaron’s gaze. “And you’re going to be great.” He points at Herc. “You’re already great. I love you.” His finger moves to Aaron. “Now come on, let’s do this.”

Two hours later, Aaron is in the passenger seat of Bellamy’s car, clutching a bouquet of sunflowers while a plastic bag full of sticky notes sits on his lap, the product of another spontaneous decision that Aaron will only execute if things seem like they’re going in a good direction.

The Build-A-Bear is on the floor of the car between his feet, just staring up at him, and whenever Aaron looks down at it and remembers Alexander’s voice coming from it, his throat starts to burn.

They’re almost at Alexander’s house, and Aaron can feel his nerves starting to hit him full force.

“This is a good idea, right?” Aaron asks, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of them. “And don’t just say yes because you’re living out your rom com acting dreams. But…is this really a good idea? Will it…will it just make things worse? Will it make him more upset?”

Bellamy hums, honks at the car in front of him and then swerves into the other lane. “I do think it’s a good idea, for a lot of reasons. Either you’ll apologize and things will work out and you guys will get back on track, or you’ll apologize and he’ll forgive you and you’ll be able to be at least just friends, or, worst case scenario, you apologize, he accepts, but he doesn’t want to see you.”

Aaron winces at that, knowing it’s a possible outcome, a valid one. He wouldn’t blame Alexander for not wanting to continue talking to him.

“But it’s a good idea,” Bellamy says, his voice gentle. “It’s closure. It’s you saying sorry and laying everything out on the table. That’s good, Aaron.”

He nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

Ten minutes later, Bellamy is pulling into the driveway of Alexander’s house, and Aaron tries to push down all of the nerves threatening to overwhelm him. He can do this. He _has_ to do this.

“You ready?” Bellamy asks, and he chuckles when Aaron shakes his head. “It’ll be fine. And if it doesn’t go well, then just send me an S.O.S text and I’ll be here as fast as I can.”

Aaron breathes out slowly through his nose. “Okay.” He looks over at Bellamy as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “Thanks, Bell.” He pauses a moment before leaning over to wrap his free arm around Bellamy, pulling him into a hug. “For everything. Just…thanks.”

Bellamy pats him on the back. “Any time. You know that.” He pulls away and smiles. “Now get in there. And good luck.”

Aaron nods, making sure he’s got a good grip on the flowers before exiting the car, grabbing the Build-A-Bear and the bag of sticky notes before closing the door.

Then he’s walking up to the front door of the house, taking another deep breath as he raises his hand to knock. He fights against every instinct telling him to run, to bail, and then Alexander is opening the door, eyes going wide when he takes in Aaron holding the flowers and bear.

“Hi,” Aaron breathes out, swallowing thickly as his stomach flutters.

“Hi,” Alexander says back, shifting on his feet. He stares, teeth worrying at his lower lip, and Aaron sees his shoulders rise and fall. “Do…do you want to come in?”

Aaron nods, his voice abandoning him for the time being. He takes what feels like his hundredth deep breath as Alexander steps to the side, keeping the door open for him.

And Aaron walks in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know time jumps can be frustrating, but if I wrote out every day of Aaron and Alex's summer, this fic would be 400k instead of 200k, so I hope this was still satisfying! 
> 
> Also I looked up the lyrics to You Are My Sunshine and some of the lines are weird BUT whatever. I've been planning this moment for months.
> 
> Next chapter will feature lots and lots of talking so get ready for that.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here or on my tumblr @fanciful-follies! :D


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! x

Aaron Burr is standing in his kitchen.

Aaron Burr is standing in his kitchen holding a Build-A-Bear and clutching sunflowers to his chest so tightly that Alex is pretty sure he’s going to snap the stems.

They’ve been staring at each other for a good solid minute or two, and Alex isn’t sure how much longer he can take the silence, but Aaron’s eyes are so wide and scared that he can’t find it in himself to push him to say something, no matter how much he wants to.

After another painful minute, Aaron finally clears his throat.

“I…” He trails off after the one word, and Alex can see him swallow. “Do you have a vase?” He asks weakly, waving the flowers gently as he looks down at the floor, looking disappointed, as if that wasn’t what he wanted to say.

Alex blinks at him, but he nods. “Yeah. I…here.” He holds his hands out for the flowers, and Aaron passes them to him, eyes back on his, and now Alex is swallowing thickly, nerves hitting him. “I’ll just…” He motions over to the sink, bending down to open the cabinets beneath.

He gets a vase full of water and then places the sunflowers in, fingers trailing over the petals before he turns back to Aaron, who is now watching him nervously.

“Thanks,” Alex says after a few seconds, gesturing at the flowers when Aaron keeps staring. “They’re nice.”

Aaron just shrugs, looking uncomfortable at the comment for some reason. “I just…I thought it…it just seemed right.”

Alex nods, not really knowing what Aaron means, but it is a nice gesture. He shifts on his feet when silence falls over them again. “Do…you can sit down, if you want.” He just needs something to happen, needs whatever is going to happen to happen now. He can't take anymore waiting.

Aaron’s face pinches at that. “I…could we go for a walk?” He licks his lips. “It’s uhm…” He laughs. “I’m really nervous and I need to move around.”

“Sure,” Alex says, smiling a little and feeling just a bit of the tension between them break at Aaron’s admission of how awkward this is. “Let’s go for a walk.”

A look of relief spreads across Aaron’s face, and he nods once before turning, taking a few steps towards the front door. But then he stops, turns back, and places the plastic bag he’s still clutching on one of the kitchen table chairs. Then he’s back at the door, holding it open for Alex to step through.

It’s warm outside, but the sun is getting ready to set, casting long shadows on the ground, and Alex stares at his as him and Aaron start to walk down one end of the street, his mind starting to spin a little too fast.

He still doesn’t feel ready for this, not completely, at least. Aaron calling had been surprising enough, but now he’s here, walking beside Alex and twisting his hands nervously in front of him, and Alex doesn’t know what to think of all of it.

Alex knows this is good, is even proud of Aaron for taking the step, but he’s so fucking nervous and on edge he kind of wants the talking to be done already.

He’d gotten so comfortable just talking to Aaron through text with space between them, with long minutes to read what Aaron said and then more minutes to think of a response. But Alex also knows that if Aaron weren’t here right now, if he hadn’t taken initiative, that’s all they ever would have had; conversations over texting.

And Alex doesn’t want that. But he also has no idea what to expect from all of this.

“I…” Aaron starts and stops, clears his throat, and Alex peers over to see him staring at the ground with furrowed brows. “I don’t know why this is taking me so long,” he continues, voice soft. “I thought…”

“It’s okay,” Alex tells him, shrugging. “Take your time.”

Aaron laughs at that, catches Alex’s gaze. “I think I’ve taken enough time, don’t you?”

Alex doesn’t respond, doesn’t know what to say, but his silence seems to be answer enough because Aaron just looks away and nods to himself, taking a deep breath.

“I know I’ve got a lot to apologize for,” Aaron says. “So I…I’m just gonna pick a place and start and then…and then keep going. So, I’m sorry for taking so long, for…for making you wait. This is all long overdue.”

Alex shrugs again, not knowing what to say, what to do. “I’m…I’m still a little lost as to what _this_ is,” he admits. “I’m…why now? Why…why did it take so long?” It takes so much effort to get the question out, to say it calmly, when he really wants to keep going, to keep asking it over and over again until Aaron understands how much it hurt him.

Aaron’s face twists at the question, and his shoulders hunch as they continue to walk. “There’s like…ten answers to that question. You know I’m…I’m not exactly quick with things. I process slowly and take my time.”

“It’s been like, four months since the fight happened,” Alex says, his voice coming out bitter despite his efforts. “That’s long, even for you.”

“I know,” Aaron murmurs. “And I’m sorry. And I…if you’ll let me, I really want to explain everything.” He casts a slightly guilty look in Alex’s direction. “I know I didn’t give you that, the chance to explain, but…” He trails off, looking awkward, but Alex nods.

“I know.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, worries at his lower lip for a few seconds. “I want to hear everything, though. I want you to tell me.” He has to know. He could be mean, could send Aaron away, could refuse to listen, but he _has_ to know.

Aaron is silent for a couple of minutes, and Alex lets him collect his thoughts, lets him get ready.

“I know I don’t need to tell you that this year was hard,” Aaron starts, voice low. “You saw enough to know that. And it’s…that’s not an excuse. I could have handled it better, _should_ have handled it better. Looking back on everything, I just…I wasn’t…” Aaron stops and shakes his head. “I wasn’t in a good place.”

Alex nods, knowing all of this, but he tampers down the impatience rising inside of him. He wants to interrupt, wants to ask questions, kind of wants to yell, but he knows any of that would mess up Aaron’s flow.

“Because of that,” Aaron continues, licking at his lips. “I wasn’t a good friend to anyone. I lied a lot. I was angry. At Sally. At myself - I was _really_ angry at myself. And I didn’t want people to know. I wanted to pretend none of it was happening. It felt easier that way.”

“I thought things got better once you told people,” Alex cuts in, unable to stop himself, and Aaron smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It kind of did. But it also…it made me think about it more. And I felt worse. Because now that people knew, it felt like I had to do something, had to fix it. But I…it’s like…I couldn’t. I don’t know. I didn’t want to have to fix it. I wanted Sally to fix it, for anyone else to fix it. I was…I was…”

“Being kind of petty?” Alex finishes for him, and Aaron stops walking, stares at him, and then laughs, the sound sharp.

“Yeah, yeah I guess I was.”

Alex gives him a small smile and shifts on his feet. “I just…I still don’t get why you’re telling me all of this now.”

“Because it…how I was feeling, how I was acting, it impacted everything, everyone. I _let_ it impact everyone.” Aaron stares long and hard at him, mouth thin. “I shouldn’t have dated you.”

Alex blinks at Aaron, takes a small step back and laughs, his stomach twisting. “Oh. Great. Thanks for coming all the way down here to tell me that.”

“Alexander.” Aaron steps forward, reaches out like he’s about to take Alex’s hand, but then stops, rubs his palm against his leg instead. “That’s not what I meant. I mean that…that I wasn’t in a place where I should have dated anyone. I wasn’t…there was so much I needed to work out, to understand, and I was so confused and angry that I could never seem to focus on anyone else but myself. And I know that’s selfish. And it’s why I should never have put you in the position I did.”

“And what position was that?” Alex asks, his heart pounding, anger still just beneath the surface.

“One where you had to deal with all of my shit,” Aaron tells him, exhaling slowly. “One where you had to always wait for me, put up with me, take care of me.”

“I liked taking care of you,” Alex murmurs before he can stop himself, feeling his cheeks heat up afterwards. But it’s true. He did.

Aaron’s eyes trail over his face, his expression a little shocked before it turns remorseful. “Well…either way, I shouldn’t have dated you when it was clear I couldn’t return the favor and take care of you. So I’m…I’m sorry, for that.” Aaron’s eyes dart away, and he ducks his head. “You deserve a lot more than I ever gave you.”

Alex sighs, looks down at the ground, too, his heart pounding a little faster in his chest. This is all overwhelming him. “I…” He sighs again. “It’s not like I gave you much of a choice in dating me. I basically threw myself at you and refused to let go.”

Aaron chuckles. “I didn’t want you to let go.”

Alex swallows, a lump rising in his throat, and he feels the corners of his eyes start to burn. He blinks once, twice, and then his vision is going blurry. “But you did,” he says, voice breaking, his anger starting to come through. “Cause you forced me to. How can you say that you wanted me to stay when you…when you…” Alex turns away from Aaron, brings his hands up to cover his face as his breathing grows unsteady.

All of this is so confusing. How can Aaron stand there in front of him and say that he never should have dated Alex, but also that he never wanted him to leave? How can he say that when he’s the one who broke it off? How can he –

“Alexander.” Aaron’s voice is low, closer to him than it was before, and it sounds unsteady. “Alexander, I know. I’m sorry. When I was dating you, everything felt okay. Everything felt normal...better. And I was selfish in never giving you that, too. But I…please don’t think that I…that I didn’t like dating you. I did, Alexander. So much. I don’t regret it. That’s not what I was saying. It was…it was the best part of my year. It – “

“But you broke up with me!” Alex cuts in again, his voice rising. He drops his hands and turns back to face Aaron. “I tried so hard, and if…if you liked it, if you liked _me_ , then why would you…” He shakes his head, can’t get the words out. “Why did you do that to me? You said that you never loved me, Aaron. Like I was nothing. And you said it so easily.”

Aaron stares at him, eyes wide and lost and too much. Alex turns away again, steps over to the street curb and sits down, feeling too unsteady on his feet.

He takes in a few deep breaths, tries to reel himself back in. He keeps his eyes cast downward when he hears Aaron sit down beside him, their shoulders brushing for a moment.

“Is it…” Aaron starts and stops, and Alex hears him breathe deeply. “Is it okay if I…if I try to explain that day to you?”

Alex is half tempted to say no, but he gives a jerky nod instead, knowing that they have to do this.

“I don’t…it’s not even a good explanation. I…Sally was back and I didn’t…I didn’t really know how I was feeling about it. I was still so mad. I was mad that it took me getting hit by a car for her to show up. It made me feel like…like I couldn’t matter that much to her, cause she had to know how much I was hurting before any of that, but she never came, never explained anything. So…so when you came in and everything came out, about you knowing and not telling me, I just…I don’t know. Something snapped.”

“Understatement,” Alex grumbles, and Aaron shifts beside him.

“When I said, what I did, I…I need you to know it wasn’t…it wasn’t true. I know that doesn’t make it better, probably makes it worse, but…” He trails off.

Alex peers over, takes in the way Aaron’s hands are shaking on his lap. Alex almost reaches over to cover them with his own. But he doesn’t.  
“Why did you say it?” He glances up at Aaron’s face, taking in the way his head is tilted up, staring at the sky.

“I wanted…I felt so tired of being hurt. And it did hurt, not being told, having another person I cared about keeping something from me. So I…I lashed out. I wanted you to hurt, too. Which I know isn’t fair, isn’t good, because you didn’t do what you did to hurt me. It’s…I’m not here to ask forgiveness for what I said because I don’t deserve it. But you deserve to be told, Alexander.” Aaron looks down at him, eyes watery. “I’m so fucking sorry. If there is anything I could take back, it would be…” He shakes his head. “It would be that because you’ve only ever…everything you did was to help me and I just…I just threw it back in your face, and I am so sorry.”

Alex doesn’t say anything. He moves his legs, hugs his knees to his chest, and thinks.

He’s honestly taken aback by how much Aaron has said, by _what_ he’s said. He thinks that it’s almost more than Aaron has ever said to him in one go before. It’s a lot to take in. He knew Aaron had been in shock that day, had been angry. But he never was one hundred percent sure if Aaron meant the words he said. Knowing he didn’t…it makes him feel better and worse at the same time.

Aaron had loved him. Alex meant something to him. But shouldn’t that have made saying those things to him even harder? Doesn’t that make it worse?

Alex presses his forehead to the tops of his knees. “I still don’t understand why you had to say it,” Alex says, his voice muffled. He clears his throat. “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me talk to you.”

“There isn’t a reason,” Aaron tells him, voice shaking. “I didn’t have to say it, Alexander. I never should have. And I…it took me longer than I want to admit to realize that. I was angry at you for a while. But I…I got help and I…I realized just how mean I’d been, how badly I treated you. And then I was so…I didn’t want to face it. I know that’s…that’s weak and unfair to you and I…I’m…”

Alex looks up, sees Aaron’s face turned away from him, sees his fists clenched on his lap, sees how hard this is for him, too.

“You’re here now,” Alex tells him, figuring he at least deserves to be told that, cause it is good. “So that’s…that’s something.” He straightens up more when Aaron stays turned away, his body still tense. “And I’m…I’m _glad_ you’re here.”

Alex feels a little jolt run through him at the words, not having realized how true they were until he said them. This whole thing is awkward and overwhelming, but it’s good, too. It's kind of been cathartic, yelling and crying and just getting everything out in the open.

 Aaron slowly turns to look at him, his expression disbelieving. “Are you glad?”

“Yes.” Alex rolls his eyes when Aaron continues to look doubtful. “What? You want me to _not_ be glad?”

Aaron shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“What did you think would happen?” Alex asks him, genuinely curious. “Coming over here…what did you think would happen?”

Aaron shrugs again, glancing away. “I…I thought that…that I would tell you all of this and that…that you would get mad, that you would tell me it was too late. And then I’d leave.”

“Is that what you wanted to happen?”

Aaron grimaces. “No, I don’t…I don’t know. It’s…it’s what should happen, right?”

Alex tilts his head, the question baffling him. “You want me to yell at you and send you away?”

“Seeing how much I yelled at you, I figured you might want to. And it's not like I don't deserve it.”

Alex frowns at that. “Aaron. I don’t want to be mad at you. I don’t want things to be like this. I don’t want you to…to be so…” He waves his hand, and Aaron blinks at him.

“So messed up?”

Alex sighs, throwing Aaron an annoyed look. “I don’t want you walking around thinking you deserve all this shit to happen to you because you were dealing with stuff and didn’t handle it in the best way.”

“Oh.” Aaron is quiet for a moment. “But…aren’t you mad at me?”

“I can be mad at you and still not be a complete asshole.”

Aaron actually grins at that. “Took me a while to understand that concept.”

Alex snorts. “Yeah, no kidding.” He stands up, stretches a little, and then looks down at Aaron, a question on the tip of his tongue. “You…you never really answered why you had to come see me now. What…what changed?”

Aaron stands up slowly, searching Alex’s face as he does. “I was unpacking. And I…I have a box of…of things from you or about you, and…and the Build-A-Bear you got me was in it. And I hadn’t really touched it since the hospital. But I…I squeezed it and…and I heard the recording and I…I had to come see you.”

Alex looks away, a little embarrassed. He’d forgotten about the song. He’s opening his mouth to say something when another noise stops him, and he looks back to see Aaron crying, his throat clicking audibly as he swallows.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out. “I’m so sorry, Alexander. You…you always listened and did so much and I never…I was so caught up in my life that I didn’t appreciate how much you did. And this…” He gestures between them. “This is all my fault. I messed it all up.”

“Aaron…” Alex starts, unsure of how to voice the fact that Aaron can’t take all the blame, but Aaron shakes his head.

“No, please, Alexander. You have to know that you didn’t do anything. You keeping that you met Sally from me, you did it out of concern. What I did was just out of anger. I…” Aaron’s breath stutters, and he raises a hand to wipe under his nose. “It’s my fault. But I need you to know that…that when I said I never loved you…I was lying. I _need_ you to know that, Alexander.” Aaron’s voice is desperate, and his eyes are wide, and Alex can feel his heart twisting in his chest.

“I do know,” Alex says gently, cause he does now. “But I need…I need you to know how much it hurt, how much it still hurts.”

Aaron nods frantically, and sniffs, the sound loud. “I know. And this…me coming here…I’m not expecting anything. I just…I needed to tell you everything. And how sorry I am. And just that…that you were right. I don’t want you to blame yourself for anything.”

Now Alex nods, and he kicks at the ground with the toe of his shoe. “Well, thank you.” He stares down at his feet for a few seconds, and then he takes a deep breath. “All things considered, that went pretty well.”

Aaron laughs, and Alex looks back up to see him shaking his head and looking somewhat relieved. “Speak for yourself. I was terrified.”

“That’s what made it so fun for me,” Alex says, but he smiles, letting Aaron know he’s only half joking.

They start walking back towards Alex’s house, night starting to settle around them, and Alex keeps peeking over at Aaron, still having to convince himself that this is actually happening, that he’s actually here.

“I am glad you came,” Alex tells him again, watching as Aaron looks over at him. “I want you to know that, too.”

Aaron keeps staring, stumbles a little on the sidewalk, but his eyes stay on Alex. “Thank you. I’m…that’s…I…” He mouths wordlessly, turning away sharply, but not fast enough for Alex to miss the embarrassment spreading across his face. His hands are shaking again at his sides.

Alex reaches out, fingertips touching the back of Aaron’s hand, his breath catching a little in his throat as he slips his hand into Aaron’s, fingers twining together.

Aaron stumbles again, his pace slowing almost to a stop, and Alex can see him staring at him in surprise from the corner of his eye, but Alex just keeps going, tugging Aaron along with him, trying not to smile too much at Aaron’s expression.

They get back inside, and once they do, Aaron hovers by the door, hands shoves in his pockets.

“So…so should I go?” Aaron shifts on his feet, eyes on Alex. “I mean…I didn’t really plan this out well.” He smiles, shrugging a shoulder. “I didn’t expect to get this far.”

Alex smiles back, and then he pauses, thinking about what should happen next, what he _wants_ to happen next.

He knows there’s more they need to talk about, but he just needs time to go over everything they’ve already talked about. There’s been a lot, and he’s not sure that more information being thrown at him right now would be good. He needs time to digest. But that doesn’t mean he wants Aaron to leave.

“Stay the night,” Alex finds himself saying, and Aaron’s eyes go wide, and he scrambles to clarify. “No, not like that. I…I just meant, stay. And…and we can talk more in the morning, if you want to.”

“I want to,” Aaron says automatically, sounding breathless. He takes a step towards Alex and then stops, hand going to his pocket. “Let me just text Bellamy and let him know.”

Alex nods, just stands there watching as Aaron’s fingers tap away at his phone screen, a slight smile on his face which Alex can’t help but track with his eyes. Then Aaron is meeting his gaze, and Alex jumps, embarrassed at being caught.

“Uh,” he starts, not really knowing where he’s going. Then he’s struck by a realization. “I really don’t have any food. For you know, dinner, or whatever. I mean, there’s some left over Chinese from last night you can share with me.”

“That’s fine,” Aaron assures him quickly, and Alex laughs.

“You’d say anything is fine right now, wouldn’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

Alex sighs, the sound long and drawn out and louder than he meant it to be. “I mean that…that you want to make up so bad you’re willing to say anything.”

Aaron gives him a confused look. “I’m…is that bad?”

“I…not _bad_. But…I just want you to be you.”

“Being me is what got us into this,” Aaron mutters, looking away from him. “So I don’t know if that’s the best way to do things.”

“Aaron.” Alex sighs again, not knowing how to get what he wants to say out. “I just mean that….you said that you were struggling with a lot and that it affected you, and yeah that isn’t an excuse, but I…I get it, you know? You weren’t acting how you normally do, you weren’t in a good place. But there were…you even said there were good times with us, right? So I think I can say that I do know you, and I…” Alex pauses, takes a deep breath. “I like you, and I still want you to be you and not just say things that you think I want to hear.” His mind goes back to something they once said to each other, months and months ago. “Just you is good.”

Even from where he stands, Alex can hear Aaron’s breath hitch.

“Alexander…”

Alex doesn’t know who moves first, but suddenly Aaron’s arms are around him in a tight embrace, and Alex’s face is pressed against Aaron’s shoulder, his eyes squeezed shut as his own arms come up to wrap around Aaron in return.

Then Aaron is laughing, the sound vibrating against Alex’s chest, and he pulls back to look at Aaron, who just shakes his head and brings up a hand to tuck a strand of Alex’s hair behind his ear.

“Between the two of us,” Aaron starts, voice a low murmur. “I think you’re the prodigy. I’m always trying to catch up to where you are.”

Alex’s face heats up at the compliment, but he keeps his eyes on Aaron’s. “Well, lucky for you, I have great patience.”

Aaron smiles, his face so close that Alex feels a little cross-eyed looking at him. “Yeah.” Aaron’s fingers brush over his cheek as he tucks another strand of hair behind Alex’s ear. “I am lucky.” Then he’s stepping back, a smile still on his face. “So, dinner?”

Alex gives himself a small shake. “Yeah. Okay. So…you actually want Chinese?”

“Yes, Alexander,” Aaron says, chuckling a little. “I like Chinese food.”

Dinner passes by quickly, and is actually a lot less awkward than what Alex had been fearing. They catch up.

He learns that Aaron has been in therapy for a few months, and that it’s been helping him a lot. That on top of moving out of his uncle’s house has seemed to make Aaron feel less on edge all the time, less paranoid, and more clear headed, which has helped in talking with Sally and spending more time with her.

And Alex is happy for him, he really is.

Alex tells him about his job at the bookstore in town, about how Eliza and Theodosia have come down to see him a few times, but other than that he’s just been letting the summer pass by.

They head upstairs about two hours later, Aaron taking the guest bedroom across from Alex’s room, and Alex shuts his door and immediately undresses and changes clothes before he flops down onto his bed, smashing his face into his pillow.

It’s been a long day. A good long day, but definitely a long _, long_ day.

Aaron said a lot, admitted a lot, apologized for a lot, and Alex appreciates it, but it’s still so much to take in, so much to go over in his mind, so much to forgive.

It’s not that Alex doesn’t want to forgive him, cause he does. A lot. And right now. But he knows he needs to slow down and think and make sure that it’s what’s best for him. Aaron said he came here expecting nothing from him, but Alex still feels like he needs to make some kind of decision before Aaron leaves, needs to get some form of closure that could involve ending things or starting over.

And the thing is, he isn’t mad at Aaron, not anymore. He gets it, gets lashing out at people when you don’t necessarily mean to. Alex has done it so much, has even done it to Aaron before, although not necessarily on the same scale of how Aaron did it to him.

Just knowing that Aaron didn’t mean what he said has pulled so much weight off of Alex’s chest. Sure, it still definitely wasn’t a great or nice thing to say, obviously, but Alex is glad Aaron told him the truth, is glad that Aaron knew how much he needed to hear it.

Alex sighs, rolling over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. He knows that Aaron doing this was a huge step, and he doesn’t want to just let it go to waste.. He doesn’t want to lose Aaron again, even if it’s just as a friend.

They’ve both messed up on varying levels, have done and said some fucked up things, but they’ve fucked up together, and Alex can’t imagine what his first year of college would have been like without Aaron, doesn’t even want to think about what the next three years would be like without him.

Just the thought makes Alex’s stomach flip uncomfortably. Yeah, Aaron messed up, Aaron hurt him, but he was also there for Alex. He was there for him in ways that nobody else was. He made Alex happy, too. Really happy.

Alex groans, bringing his hands up to wipe over his face, feeling fidgety all of a sudden. He lies there for a few more minutes before pushing himself up, only hesitating another second before standing and walking to his door.

He slips out into the hallway and then stops outside Aaron’s door, the light from inside showing from underneath the door. Alex raises his hand and knocks quietly before pushing open the door and stepping in.

Aaron looks up when he does, perched on the bed with a pen and something else in his hands that Alex only catches a glimpse of before Aaron’s stuffing it back into a plastic bag, looking embarrassed.

Alex raises his eyebrows. “What’re you – “

“It’s a surprise,” Aaron blurts out. “I…you’ll find out,” he mutters, looking disgruntled at being caught planning something.

Alex wants to ask more questions, wants to know what it is, but he eventually just shrugs and slips further into the room, shutting the door behind him before turning back to stare at Aaron.

“Is…” Alex pauses to lick his lips. “Can I sleep in here?”

Aaron blinks up at him, mouth hanging open. Then he composes himself and sits up straighter, reaching behind him to pull back the bed sheets. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

Alex nods, standing in front of the door for a bit longer before his legs decide to move, carrying him over to the bed where he climbs in beside Aaron, crawling under the covers and lying on his side.

Aaron peers back at him over his shoulder, and then he reaches for the lamp, switching it off.

Alex hears him moving around, getting under the covers. He has to blink a few times before his eyes adjust to the darkness, and he can see Aaron with his back to him, pulling the blanket over him.

Aaron starts to turn, intending to face Alex, but Alex reaches out and slides a hand up Aaron’s back, stopping him and feeling Aaron tense beneath his palm.

“Alexander?”

Alex hushes him and scoots closer, moving his hand so it’s resting on Aaron’s stomach, his back pressed firmly to Alex’s chest. And Alex breathes out slowly against Aaron’s shoulder, his nose brushing over the material of his shirt. He forgot how nice it feels to sleep with Aaron beside him.

“Alexander,” Aaron says again, and Alex can feel his stomach moving as he speaks. “Does this mean – “

“I don’t know,” Alex murmurs, cutting him off. “I don’t know what this means. Just…we’ll talk in the morning, okay? Let me just…have this right now.”

Aaron laughs softly, and his hand comes up to cover Alex’s. “I’m not exactly gonna fight you on that one.” His fingers trace small circles over the back of Alex’s hand. “Whatever you want to give, Alexander, I’ll take it. This is…you’re already more than I ever thought I’d get.”

Alex swallows, his throat tight, but he nods against Aaron, presses his forehead to his back and breathes in deep.

They don’t talk after that. They don’t need to. Alex is content to just lay there with Aaron pressed against him, their breathing synching up together, and the motion makes Alex’s eyelids heavy, lulling him closer and closer to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH TALKING. SO MUCH PROGRESS. And there will be even more next chapter. They still have lots to go over.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation, so leave em here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies!
> 
> :D


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me so long to write and I really hope you guys like it.
> 
> Enjoy x

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, the other end of the bed is vacant.

He sits up, slight panic filling him before his ears catch the sound of a shower running somewhere else in the house. Relieved, he lays back down, an arm curled behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling.

He can’t believe he’s actually here, in Alexander’s guest bed with the sheets warm and the feeling of Alexander wrapped around him still etched onto his skin. He never thought he’d get to this point, doesn’t really know what to do now that he’s here. All he knows is that he has to do _something_ , that there’s still more to say, more to show.

They’d talked a lot yesterday, and Aaron supposes it had gone pretty well. Better than expected, at least. And Alexander had let him stay the night, which he takes as a good sign. But there’s still so much more Aaron feels like he needs to say, needs to explain.

He just hopes it’s enough.

“Hey.”

Aaron pushes himself up into a sitting position, eyes going to the doorway and landing on Alexander, who is standing there looking nervous, but smiling.

“Hey,” Aaron says back, fiddling with the blanket. He swallows once. Twice. Feels suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that he’s sitting in Alexander’s bed, that Alexander is so close again, staring at him.

“Did you sleep okay?” Alexander asks when Aaron stays silent. “I know it’s not the comfiest bed…”

“I slept fine,” Aaron assures him quickly. He clears his throat. “Really well, actually.” Although he knows that had more to do with Alexander being beside him and not the quality of the mattress.

“Good.” Alexander shifts, hands tugging at the hem of his sweater, and Aaron catches the way his eyes keep flicking towards him and then away, only to return again seconds later. “Uhm…”

“Did you want to do something?” Aaron asks, figuring Alexander must have showered for a reason. “Breakfast? My treat?” He continues to fiddle with the blanket when Alexander just stares, panic settling over him again. “Or…I could go? If…I mean I get it if – “

“Don’t go,” Alexander blurts out, taking a few steps closer to the bed. “That’s not…no, I want you to stay.” He chews at his lip, eyes wide and uncertain, and Aaron can’t help but feel a little lost.

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“Can…can we just…stay in bed for a little bit longer?”

Aaron blinks at him, then he laughs, throwing a corner of the blanket to the side so Alexander can climb back in, which he does with a smile and a happy sigh, flopping onto his back beside Aaron.

“I can’t believe you showered just to be lazy,” Aaron teases lightly, smile widening when Alexander nudges him in the side in retaliation, happy that they’re at least at a point where they can joke around with each other somewhat.

“I felt gross. I hadn’t showered in a bit and you looked so - ” He cuts off quickly, face taking on a pink tinge that makes Aaron’s heart quicken its pace. “Well, you know. I just wanted a shower.”

Aaron nods, and then scoots so his back is against the headboard, Alexander tilting his head up to peer at Aaron from his position.

“So,” Aaron starts. “Did…did you want to talk more?” He stares down at his hands in lap after he asks, nervous and needing something to look at and ground himself with. He just keeps thinking Alexander will get fed up with him and tell him to leave.

“I’d like that,” Alexander murmurs, and then he’s pushing himself up to sit cross-legged on the bed, biting at his lip again. “Is, uh…where should we start?”

Aaron laughs, finding it funny that Alexander expects him to know. But then he takes a deep breath and shrugs a shoulder. “I…is there anything you want to ask me? About…about the stuff we talked about yesterday?” Aaron is willing to repeat anything he said, to apologize over and over if Alexander wants that.

“There are a few things,” Alexander says slowly, dropping his gaze and pulling at the blankets. “The…the day in the hospital. I guess I’m…I’m still a little confused about why you said what you did and why…why you just pushed me out and took so long to talk to me again?”

Aaron takes a deep breath, his head spinning like it always does when he thinks of that day. “There’s…” He pauses to breathe again, the sound too loud in the room. “There was just so much going on that day. It’s…Sally coming back so suddenly threw me off more than I thought it did. I didn’t realize how angry I was at her that day until talking about it afterwards. And then you came in and you and her knew each other, and…and even though I know this isn’t true, at the time I thought you two were like…in on it together, keeping stuff from me.”

“Aaron…”

“I know it doesn’t make sense,” Aaron continues quickly. “I know it’s crazy and – “

“It’s not crazy,” Alexander tells him, his voice firm, and Aaron looks up to see him staring back at him. “It’s not.”

Aaron just shrugs, not feeling up to arguing this early in the day. “And like I said, I was angry at myself, too. But I didn’t understand that at the time, I didn’t know where all of this anger was coming from, and I…I just directed it at you so that I…I had someone other to blame than myself.”

He looks away after that, shoulders hunching. He knows that this is all good to get out in the open, but at the same time, saying it out loud just makes it all sound worse, and Aaron can feel shame washing over him with each word.

“Okay,” Alexander says after a few moments, and Aaron looks up again to see him smiling, but his eyes are sad. “Thanks for telling me.”

Aaron gives a jerky nod, his throat starting to feel tight, but he swallows around it. “I know it was unfair. I know that…that I shouldn’t have treated you that way. I’m sorry.”

Alexander’s smile grows a little more genuine. “I know.”

“I never treated you the way you should have been treated.”

“Aaron.” Alexander sighs, and he shakes his head. “I appreciate you apologizing for when you treated me like shit, I do. But I…there were good times, too, right? Like…there were times for you when we were good together, weren’t there? Or…or was dating me really all bad?”

“What? No!” Aaron reaches out, grabs at Alexander’s hand and squeezes it, panic hitting him for the third time in ten minutes. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just…I know I wasn’t as good of a boyfriend as I could have been and I just thought that you were always wanting more and…and deserving more but I could never give it to you and – “

“That’s not true,” Alexander interjects. “I was happy with you. I was really happy, Aaron. Okay, yeah, there were some things I wanted to be different, like us sharing things and being open with each other or whatever, but…but it’s not like I always did that either. This can’t all be on you.”

Aaron feels his expression twist, and Alexander rolls his eyes.

“Are you forgetting how I basically told you nobody wants to be your friend a few weeks after we first met?”

Aaron grimaces at the memory. “No, but – “

“Or how I yelled at you when we had the fight about me needing to finish my paper?”

“That was my fault, too,” Aaron argues. “I didn’t listen. And I grabbed your laptop.”

Alexander waves his free hand in the air, dismissing what Aaron just said. “Whatever. My point is, we both fucked up, right? We’ve both said stupid shit.”

Aaron stares at Alexander, tries to understand where he’s going with this. “I mean, yeah, I guess. But…but you always apologized.”

“You apologized, too.”

“It took me four months.”

“I’m aware of that, trust me.”

“But…” Aaron trails off, mouth hanging open a little. “I don’t…” He snaps his mouth shut when Alexander laughs at him.

“You’re so dense. I’m trying to tell you that we can get past this if we both try.” He ducks his head, and Aaron feels his hand twitch in his. “I mean, if you’d want to do that.”

“Yes,” Aaron blurts out. “I…yes. I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

Alexander’s face is still angled downwards, but Aaron still catches the roll of his eyes. “I just told you that I want to, you idiot.” But then he looks up quickly, startling Aaron a little. “I have another question. You…you said before, yesterday, that when we first started dating you shouldn’t have, cause you weren’t in a place where you could take care of someone. Are…do you still feel that way?”

Aaron doesn’t respond right away, knows that he needs to think about that question and not just say yes because of how much he’s missed Alexander.

“I…” Aaron licks his lips, looks down at where their hands are entwined. “I feel better, and I…I want to keep getting better.” He figures he at least owes himself that, the recognition that he’s improving. “And I think I’m in a good place.” He pauses to swallow, looks back into Alexander’s eyes. “But I’m…I know that I’ve still got a lot to go, that there are things I need to work on. But I also…I miss you, and I…if we both want to, then I’d…I’d like to try being with you again.”

Alexander stares at him for a long time after that, minutes ticking by, but then his head tilts to the side, and he smiles a little. “I’d really like that, too, if you’re sure.”

Aaron breathes out sharply, not having realized he’d been holding his breath. “I…yes. Yes. I…” He has to stop and take a deeper breath, laughing a little at how shaky it is before turning serious again. “Okay. But you should know that I…there are still days where…where I’m not…where I get a little weird and moody and…” He shakes his head, embarrassed. “I need you to know that I’ve still got things to work on.”

“I know. I don’t expect things to just magically be fixed and for everything to be perfect.”

“I just…” Aaron squirms where he sits. “I just want you to know that there will be days where I can’t see you. Not just you! But…but anyone. Sometimes I just need to figure stuff out on my own.”

Alexander nods after a moment. “Okay. As long as you tell me when that happens, and you don’t just ignore me, then that’s more than fine.”

“I can do that.” Aaron smiles at him, feels his stomach do a little flip, complete with butterflies and all. He’s really in deep. “So…you…you really think that this – “ He gestures between them “ – will work?”

Alexander smiles back and shrugs, but his eyes are crinkling around the corners. “Not to be cliché, but we won’t know till we try.”

Aaron chews at the inside of his cheek, heart beating quickly against his ribs, and he takes a deep breath through his nose, tries to be rational. He opens his mouth to speak;

“Go on a date with me.”

Alexander stares, mouth dropping open. “W-what?”

“You said we won’t know till we try,” Aaron clarifies, speaking past his growing nerves. “So…so let’s try. Let me take you on a date.”

“…Now?”

Aaron nods, smiling a little. “Now. If…if you want to.”

Alexander blinks at him a few times, and Aaron is tempted to take back the offer, to say never mind, to just back out and leave, but then Alexander’s head dips down into a nod, and Aaron feels like he can breathe again.

“Okay,” Alexander says. “Okay. Yeah. We can…sure.”

“Breakfast?” Aaron suggests, standing up from the bed, feeling like he has to move around. “We could go to breakfast? My treat.”

Alexander stares at him for a moment and then chuckles. “Yeah, that sounds good.” His smile widens. “You’re just really hungry, aren’t you?”

Aaron feels his face heat up, but then he smiles and shrugs. “I am hungry. But I also want to take you on a date.” He holds out his hand to Alexander, offering to help him up, and Alexander keeps smiling as his hand slips into Aaron’s.

“Well then. Let’s go on a date.”

-

Aaron ends up having to defer to Alexander when it comes to choosing a place to go, seeing as he doesn’t actually know what’s around or close by. They end up going to the bookstore where Alexander works, a café attached to it on the inside.

He buys them both a muffin and coffee, and when he sits back down at the table once he has their orders, Aaron is somewhat surprised by how at ease he feels. Being out with Alexander, food and coffee between them, things just feel normal. Things feel _right_.

“Do you like working here?” Aaron asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

Alexander hums. “I do. It’s nice. Plus I get an employee discount. Although I’m definitely using that as an excuse to buy way too many books. What about you? You got a job or anything over the summer?”

Aaron laughs before he can stop himself, and he shakes his head. “No, no job. I…therapy takes up a lot of my time.” He looks down at his fingers wrapped around his cup. “But…but it’s good. I like going.” He glances back up, returns the smile Alexander is giving him. “It’s helped me think about a lot of things.”

“That’s good.”

Aaron nods, looks down at his fingers again and takes a deep breath. “I, uh…” He takes another deep breath, then opens his mouth to tell Alexander something he’s only talked about with Dr. Franklin and Bellamy so far. “I’m probably going to change my major at school, work towards becoming a school counselor.”

“That’s amazing.” Alexander kicks him gently under the table, and Aaron looks up to see him staring back seriously. “Really. That’s great.”

Aaron just shrugs, but he can feel the corners of his mouth curving upwards. “Yeah. It…I’ll probably have to take an extra year to get all the credits. So…” He pauses and clears his throat. “So we’ll probably graduate at the same time now.”

“Oh! That’s awesome, I – or…” Alexander’s face flushes and he busies himself with taking a sip of his coffee. “Not that…I mean it’s probably annoying to have another year but…I just meant that it’ll be nice that – I mean - ” He cuts off with a frustrated huff.

Aaron snorts into his drink and then lowers it, smiling at Alexander. “I know what you meant.” He fiddles with the lid of his cup for a few seconds. “It will be nice,” he starts slowly. “It’ll…it’s what I want, so…” He pauses to clear his throat. “And…I mean, it…it won’t be that annoying to do an extra year. And I…it’ll be nice, graduating together.”

Alexander smirks at him, and Aaron looks away, his face warm. “That might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

Aaron scowls, really hoping that isn’t true, but then Alexander smiles at him and shakes his head with a small chuckle, and Aaron feels his stomach flip again.

“Was there anything else you wanted to do?” Aaron asks, hating that he didn’t think any of this through. He doesn’t know where else he can take Alexander. He’s not good at being spontaneous.

But Alexander’s smile just widens. “Want to watch me browse for books for two hours?”

Aaron laughs. “Not really.” He stands up and holds out a hand for Alexander to take. “But I’ll do it anyway.”

“Again with the charm.” Alexander takes his hand, still smiling, and starts to tug Aaron towards the bookshelves.

Almost three hours later, Aaron’s feet are sore, and he’s tempted to just pull Alexander away from where his nose is basically shoved into a book and beg to go back to his house, but Alexander’s lips are curved into a smile, and he looks so content that all Aaron can do is shake his head fondly and continue to wait, watching Alexander’s smile grow wider, his eyes moving from the pages of the book to Aaron.

“Sorry,” he says with a laugh, shutting the book and putting it back. “I have a hard time shopping fast, especially with books.” He places the book back on the shelf, and then glances over at Aaron. “Growing up, I could never really have that many books. Money, for one thing. And then we moved around a lot, couldn’t bother to carry around a ton of books from place to place. Even when I lived with the Livingston’s, it took me a good year or two to realize I could have more than five books in my room.”

“Do you have a favorite book?”

Alexander shrugs. “When I was little, I had this book of short stories, like fairytales…I don’t even know who it was by. But my mom would read from it every night, so much that the pages started to tear.” Alexander shrugs again, the movement slow. “I lost it at some point.”

“I bet we could ask whoever is working now to find it,” Aaron says, glancing around for an employee. “I bet they’d have some kind of idea who wrote a book of fairytales. Or at least they could point us towards the section it could be in. Or I could do some research to try and find it and then buy it or buy a couple that it could be and – “

Alexander’s hand slips suddenly into Aaron’s, making him cut off his words. He blinks down at their hands, and then back up at Alexander, who is smiling softly at him, his eyes bright.

“Thanks,” he murmurs, thumb brushing over the back of Aaron’s hand. “Maybe another day.”

Aaron nods, throat tight as he swallows, stomach fluttering at the suggestion of another day, of more days to come of them being together.

Alexander must know what Aaron’s thinking, because his smile widens and he steps forward, face tilting up and making Aaron’s breath catch with how close they are. Then Alexander is squeezing his hand, and Aaron sees his eyelids fluttering shut, and then there are lips pressed to his.

Aaron’s heart pounds against his chest, and he holds his breath, scared that any kind of movement will ruin this, will break this perfect moment he never thought he’d have again.

The kiss is gentle, their lips just brushing against each other, but Aaron can feel warmth spreading through him anyway, and he knows his hand is shaking slightly in Alexander’s grasp, but he finds that he isn’t embarrassed, finds that he’s focusing entirely on the feeling of Alexander kissing him.

“It doesn’t work if you don’t kiss back,” Alexander whispers against his mouth, and Aaron blinks his eyes open to see Alexander smiling up at him, a blush painting his cheeks.

Aaron breathes out shakily, but he raises his free hand to cup Alexander’s cheek, sliding it slowly to the back of his neck so he can bring Alexander close again, their lips touching with such ease that Aaron almost convinces himself that they never spent time apart, never fell out of practice of doing this.

Alexander’s other hand comes to rest on Aaron’s hips, fingers curling into his belt loops and tugging, try to bring them even closer together, and Aaron kisses him harder, wants to kiss him for hours and hours, until the store closes and they get kicked out, and then kiss him even more once they’re outside.

But then Alexander is pulling away, a smile sill on his lips, and he huffs out a soft breath of laughter when Aaron blinks down at him, feeling dizzy in the best kind of way.

“We should get back,” Alexander murmurs, and Aaron feels himself nod. Alexander squeezes his hand. “We can…talk more at my house.”

-

The door shuts behind them with a quiet click, and Aaron feels nerves under his skin, but for once, they’re good nerves, nerves that he’s glad to have.

“So….” He shifts on his feet, peeks up at Alexander, who is watching him silently. “Did…what did you want to talk about?”

Alexander rolls his eyes, but he grins, stepping forward to throw his arms around Aaron. “I don’t want to talk about anything.” Then he leans in, kissing Aaron roughly.

Aaron stumbles backwards with the force of it, his back hitting the door, but he wraps his arms around Alexander’s waist anyway, holding him close.

One of them deepens the kiss, Aaron doesn’t know who, but suddenly they’re wrapped even tighter around each other, and Aaron is gasping as Alexander nips at his lower lip, heat rushing through him.

“Alexander,” Aaron says around another kiss, getting lost for a moment in the way Alexander’s lips feel moving against his. “Alexander, wait.”

Alexander pulls away, breathing heavily, his face flushed. “Sorry. Sorry, I – “

“No,” Aaron cuts in, moving his hands to Alexander’s hips and squeezing. “No, it’s okay.” He smiles and shakes his head. “More than okay. I just…I need to know if…are we…” He trails off, shaking his head again. “Do you want to date me? Like…uhm, officially?”

“As in facebook official?”

“ _Alexander_.”

Alexander snorts, but then his expression sobers, and he looks up at Aaron, biting at his lower lip, and all Aaron can do is wait.

A few seconds later, Alexander sighs, but his eyes stay on Aaron’s, and then he shrugs. “I really want to try, Aaron. I think…I think we should definitely try, if you want to.”

“If I want to?” Aaron whispers, and then he’s laughing, leaning in to rest his forehead against Alexander’s. “Of course I want to try, you idiot.”

Alexander laughs, too, and then falls silent, breathing deeply as they continue to just rest against each other for a few minutes. “I think we’re going to be okay.”

Aaron breathes in through his nose, mouth curving into a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so, too.” And he does. He pulls away to look closer to Alexander, moving his hand so he can brush some of Alexander’s hair off of his forehead. “I have something for you,” he says, suddenly remembering. “A surprise.”

Alexander arches a brow. “A present?”

“Of sorts.”

Alexander grins. “Nice. Where is it?”

“I need to finish it.” He nudges Alexander back so he can step around him. “And you can’t see it till I’m done. And…and I’ll need to put it in your room. It’ll take a little bit.”

“What the hell is it?”

Aaron shrugs, smirking. “You’ll have to wait and see.” He nudges at Alexander again. “Stay down here. I’ll be back.” He rushes upstairs before Alexander can say anything else, stopping in the room he slept in last night first.

He bends down beside his bed and grabs the plastic bag full of sticky notes with various words written across them. He didn’t get to do them all last night, but he got pretty far. It shouldn’t take him too long to finish.

Aaron slips into Alexander’s room and glances around at the walls, glad to see that there are no posters on any of them. He sits cross-legged on the floor and pulls out more of the blank sticky notes along with a pen, and then begins to write.

As he does, Aaron can’t help but notice how good he feels, how calm he feels. He really didn’t know how this was going to go when he came over, but it turned out better than he ever could have imagined, and he still thinks it’s more than he deserves.

But if it’s what Alexander wants, if Alexander wants him, then who is Aaron to argue with that?

Aaron finishes writing on all the sticky notes about half an hour later, and then he stands, observing the walls again to decide which ones he wants to use. He goes for the one across from Alexander’s bed, and then the one where Alexander’s desk is resting.

Sticking each note to the walls takes longer than Aaron wants, and it’s tedious, but once he’s done, Aaron feels satisfaction rise up in him, and he nods once to himself before exiting the room.

“You can come up now!” He yells down the stairs, and the sound of a chair scooting back and quick footsteps immediately reach his ears, and Aaron snorts to himself. “Don’t trip and hurt yourself.”

“Shut up!” Alexander calls back, and then he’s jogging up the stairs, a wide smile on his face as he pauses in front of Aaron. “So, where is it? Where’s my gift?”

Aaron shifts on his feet, suddenly nervous. “It…I set it up in your room.” He reaches out to stop Alexander when he takes a step towards his room, an eager look in his eyes. “Before you see it, I…I just want you to know that it…it’s not like, pressure, or anything. I just…it’s something I wanted to tell you, or…show you, I guess.”

“Okay?” Alexander says slowly, giving Aaron a weird look. Then he pauses, stares at Aaron for a few long seconds, then he steps around him, heading towards his room, and Aaron follows.

When Alexander steps in, he stops, and Aaron just stares at his back for a moment, needing to gather his courage before moving to step to Alexander’s side so he can see his face, which is shifting from confusion to surprise.

“What…” Alexander trails off, and he looks over at Aaron, eyes wide. “What is this?” He looks back at the two walls covered in sticky notes, and he reaches out a hand, fingertips brushing one of the notes.

“It’s…” Aaron trails off, too, and then shrugs, looking down at his feet. “I got the idea from my therapist. He…he kept talking about how there are so many ways to show…to show someone that you…” Aaron takes a deep breath. “That you love them, so I…this is…” He gestures at the walls, still looking down. “One wall is one hundred things that I love about you, and the other wall is one hundred different ways to say that…that I love you.”

His words are met with silence, and fear slams into Aaron, making him feel dizzy. What if Alexander doesn’t like it? He tries to breathe in deep through his nose, to slow down his rapid heartbeat, but it barely works, and the silence just stretches on longer and longer.

He forces himself to look up, to look at Alexander, and when he does, his heart almost stops.

Tears are slipping down Alexander’s cheeks, and his eyes are still wide, fixed on the walls covered in sticky notes. Aaron hears him swallow, and then he’s stepping even closer to the walls, plucking one of the notes off to read it, and he lets out a watery chuckle.

“You love my glasses?” He asks, turning to Aaron with a wobbly smile. “I knew you had thing for them.”

Aaron starts to breathe again, and he laughs, too. “It’s…” His voice comes out hoarse, and he clears his throat. “I just thought that this is something…something that you deserved to know, something that I wanted you to know.”

Alexander nods, his eyes glassy, and he looks back at the wall, laughing again and shaking his head. “Ways to say I love you,” he murmurs, taking another note off the wall. “You rock my world,” he reads, glancing over at Aaron, who feels his face heat up.

“I know it’s stupid,” he grumbles, trying to push down his embarrassment. “But when you come up with a hundred ways, some of them are bound to be cheesy.”

“A hundred,” Alexander repeats, shaking his head even more, but smiling so widely Aaron’s own mouth aches just from looking. “Aaron…”

“This isn’t to pressure you,” Aaron says again, needing Alexander to know that. “It’s…you don’t need to say it back, I’m not expecting you to say it back. I – “

“ _Aaron_.” Alexander reaches out with his hand that doesn’t have a sticky note in it, takes Aaron’s hand and squeezes it so tightly that Aaron almost winces. “Stop talking,” he whispers, and Aaron laughs.

“Sorry.”

“This is…” Alexander looks around the room, words seeming to fail him for a few seconds. “Thank you,” he finally murmurs, his gaze finding Aaron’s. “No one has ever done something like this for me.”

“I want to do things like this for you,” Aaron tells him, his throat growing tight, but he blinks back the tears starting in his eyes. “I want to be with you, Alexander. I want to make you happy. And…and I love you, and I know you need time, but I do. I love you. And I’m…I’m more than happy to be the one waiting this time. I’ll wait for as long as you need.”

Alexander stares up at him, his eyelashes wet, but then he smiles. He smiles so brightly that Aaron’s entire chest fills with warmth, and he thinks he might just burst open.

To keep himself from babbling any further, Aaron bends down, capturing Alexander’s lips in a gentle kiss that makes his skin tingle all the way down to his toes.

And Alexander presses up against him, his arms wrapping around Aaron’s neck, and he sighs into his mouth when Aaron presses his palm against his back, holding him close.

The kiss doesn’t go further than the soft press of their lips against each other, but it’s more than enough for Aaron. He’d missed this so much, missed Alexander so much. And now that he’s got him back, he’s going to make sure he never loses him again.

“I love you,” he whispers against Alexander’s lips, and Alexander responds with a smile and another kiss, his nose brushing against Aaron’s. “I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Alexander tells him, and he pulls away slightly, cupping Aaron’s face with one of his hands. “And I want you to be happy. And…I want us to be happy.” His thumb brushes over Aaron’s cheek. “And I think we will be.”

Aaron smiles, leaning down to press a loud kiss to Alexander’s cheek that makes them both laugh, and Alexander pushes him away, stepping out of his grasp entirely when Aaron tries to tickle his sides.

“Mean,” Alexander says over a laugh. “In retaliation, I’m going to read every single one of these sticky notes out loud. All two hundred.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“ _No_.”

“You love my hair,” Alexander reads, smirking over at Aaron with a new sticky note in his hand. “And aw, you love how I steal your sweaters, how cute.”

“Alexander.”

“On to the other wall, ways to say I love you…’You’re my better half,’ that’s so precious and true. And aw, ‘you light up my world’ that is almost too grossly cute.”

“I hate you.”

“Oh really? Cause I’ve got two hundred sticky notes that prove otherwise.”

-

Later that night, Aaron finds himself in bed with Alexander again, only this time Alexander is curled around his front, face smashed against Aaron’s chest, his arms woven tightly around him. And Aaron has an arm around him in return, and is content to stare down at Alexander’s sleeping face instead of going to sleep himself.

They’d decided Aaron would stay for the weekend, and then drive back home. Alexander would visit him at the apartment next time he has time off work, which should be soon. They’ll go back and forth for the rest of the summer, which Aaron is happy for. Now that he has Alexander, he doesn’t want to be apart. But he knows they need to take things slow.

Alexander shifts in his sleep, mutters something under his breath, and Aaron smiles at him, moves a hand to brush a strand of hair behind Alexander’s ear, loving the way Alexander follows the movement of his hand even in his sleep.

Aaron’s phone buzzing breaks the moment, and Aaron quickly grabs it to keep it from waking Alexander.

He glances at the screen to see a text from Sally.

_ >>> Everything still going okay?_

He blinks at the message, and then back over at Alexander, who is breathing in and out steadily, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Aaron smiles, too, and he looks down at his phone again, thumbs tapping out a quick response.

_ <<< Everything is perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY DID ITTTTTTTT I'm so happy y'all
> 
> Only two chapters left, and both will include time jumps. So get ready for that.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. So leave em here or on my tumblr @ fanciful-follies!!!!


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is two months overdue, but I hope it is worth the wait!

_~ Three Years Later ~_

“Alex! Alex, hey!”

Alex turns at the call of his name, a grin spreading across his face when he sees Eliza and Theodosia making their way over to him, nudging at some of the people making up the large crowd surrounding them.

“Congratulations!” Eliza tells him with a smile, wrapping him up in a quick hug that Alex returns, the fabric of his black gown fluttering at the movement. “How does it feel to finally have graduated?”

Alex laughs at the question, can’t help it.

He glances around him, at all the other students clad in their commencement gowns, varying degrees of excitement and drunkenness flitting across their faces. Alex’s own excitement is sober, not wanting to drink so that he could remember every detail about the day.

There had been a point in his life when Alex really thought he’d never reach this point, never get to have a college graduation.

“It feels pretty fucking great,” Alex says with another laugh, and Theodosia and Eliza beam at him. “Are you two gonna be at the dinner tonight?”

Laf, John, and Herc had all planned a big celebration dinner for whoever could make it, knowing how much it would mean to Alex to have the whole gang together for a night. It had been a long time since they’d all been together.

“We’ll be there. Angelica and I are dragging Peggy along, too, even though she hates the idea of being the center of attention for just a few hours. Too bad she’s got two overly proud big sisters who are set on bragging about her for a bit.”

“Just tell her I’ll steal all the attention,” Alex says to Eliza, smiling when she snorts in response.

“Oh, hey.” Theodosia reaches out and smacks him on the arm. “We ran into Aaron, he was looking for you. We’ve gotta head out, but we’ll see you tonight.”

Alex waves them off, and then he turns and looks around, wondering how exactly he’ll find Aaron in this crowd. He knew Aaron had wanted to talk to Sally after the ceremony, so Alex keeps an eye out for both of them, but after a few minutes, still has no luck. He’s about to reach for his phone to text Aaron when he sees him pushing past a few people, a smile on his face.

Even after all this time, Alex still feels his stomach flutter at the sight of him.

They’d been through a lot together over the past three years. Things were better between them in some ways, and harder in others. But they were more open with each other, actually listened and learned. After everything that happened, neither of them wanted to let the other go again, so they tried harder than they had before, and Alex knows that every argument and fight they’ve had since Aaron apologized to him have been leading towards making them stronger and happier.

And Alex is happy.

When Aaron reaches him, he cups Alex’s face and leans in for a kiss, which Alex returns enthusiastically, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s neck.

“We did it,” Alex whispers against his lips, and Aaron’s smile grows wider.

“Yeah, we did.” He pulls back slightly, staring at Alex. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Where else would I be?” Alex asks, chuckling when Aaron rolls his eyes.

“Can’t you just let me at least try to be romantic?”

“Sorry.” Alex bends forward and rests his forehead against Aaron’s shoulder. “I’m happy I’m here, too…with you.”

And he really is.

There’d been a point where Alex thought he might try to take classes over the summer or overload one semester so that he could graduate early, make up for the year he lost. But when he’d mentioned the idea to Aaron, Aaron had been quiet, barely saying anything, a sign that Alex now knows means that Aaron is upset, but restraining himself from arguing right in the moment.

The argument had come a few days later, when Aaron told him that he didn’t understand why Alex couldn’t slow down, that he thought Alex wanted to graduate together like they’d planned. And Alex had gotten mad, had accused Aaron of not wanting him to succeed, of trying to hold him back.

Aaron had left the apartment they shared for a few hours after that, leaving Alex alone with a sour taste in his mouth. He’d thought him and Aaron were past these stupid arguments, were past yelling at each other and then walking away.

But then Aaron came back, sunflowers in his hands.

He told Alex that he was upset because he didn’t know what was going to happen between them if Alex graduated before him and went to grad school or got an internship somewhere far away, that he was scared. But then he told Alex that he never wanted to hold him back, that he’d help Alex graduate early if it was what he really wanted and that they’d figure everything out along the way because they always do.

And Alex had thought about what Aaron said for weeks after that, had felt a pit of worry settle in his stomach at the idea of the two of them breaking up just because Alex wanted to graduate early.

He struggled with what he wanted to do, making pro and con lists and subjecting Eliza to several teary conversations on the topic before finally making up his mind.

He could deal with not graduating early. He couldn’t deal with giving up Aaron to do it.

Of course they still don't know what's going to happen next. Alex has an internship in New York, but now Aaron is the one who's uncertain of what he'll do, choosing between grad school or a job. Either way, he doesn't know where he'll end up, and the prospect of having to do long distance makes Alex uneasy.

“You still down to go to the party tonight?” Alex asks, pulling back so he can look at Aaron. “I know you weren’t super excited about it…”

“Sally is gonna be there,” Aaron says in response, shaking his head, but Alex can see the smile tugging at his lips. “We didn’t get to talk a ton after the ceremony, so she’d kick my ass if I tried to bail.”

“So Maria will be there too, then?”

“I’d imagine. Now that they’re engaged, they’re never apart from each other.”

Alex snorts at that, loving how hard Aaron tries to act annoyed by his sister dating one of his best friends, but Alex knows how much he loves having them both around so much.

“Have they set a date yet?” Alex asks. “My money is still on Herc and Bellamy for getting hitched first.”

Aaron just laughs and tilts his head back to look up at the sky. “You don’t know Bell. He’ll want an elaborate wedding that’ll take years to plan. Sally and Maria would probably elope if they weren’t worried about hurting my feelings.” He stops there, taking a deep breath as he looks back down, reaching out to tuck a strand of Alex’s hair behind his ear. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“Can we stick around a little longer?” Alex looks around them, feels his chest swell. “I kind of want to take all this in for as long as I can.” He looks back at Aaron to see him staring at Alex with a fond expression.

“We can stay as long as you want,” Aaron tells him.

He takes Alex’s hand, and Alex grins, twining their fingers together as they stand side by side.

-

The party is at a bar in town, and when Alex and Aaron walk in, Alex barely has time to blink before a blur is rushing at them, knocking straight into Aaron.

“I’m so proud of you,” Bellamy says from where he’s wrapped around Aaron, and Alex swears he can hear tears in his voice. “I’m sorry we couldn’t make it to the ceremony.”

Aaron pats Bellamy on the back. “It’s not a big deal. I’m pretty sure Sally recorded the whole thing, if you want a video.”

“I want you to re-enact it for me,” Bellamy tells him, pulling back to smile and then moving to hug Alex. “Both of you.”

“What is there to re-enact?” Aaron asks, rolling his eyes. “They called our names, we walked, that’s it.”

“Good luck talking him out of it,” a voice says, and Alex peers behind Bellamy to see Herc standing there, a fond expression on their face.

“We’ll re-enact the ceremony if you two re-enact your proposal,” Alex tells them, and Herc snorts and shakes their head while Bellamy’s face flushes, a smile spreading across his face. “Congrats, by the way. I haven’t gotten to say it in person.”

“Thanks.” Bellamy beams at him, and then glances at Aaron, who just raises his eyebrows, and Alex thinks he sees him give a slight shake of his head to Bellamy, who then clears his throat and rubs his hands together. “And since we’re finally together, I thought that now would be a good time to ask Aaron to officially be my best man, so, will you do it?”

Alex tries not to smile too much as Aaron blinks at Bellamy, amazed that Aaron actually seems to be surprised by the request. Who else would Bellamy ask?

“Oh,” Aaron finally gets out. “I…yeah, of course I will. That…yeah.”

“Awesome,” Bellamy says, and he actually fist pumps the air. “Another thing to cross off my bucket list.”

“Aaron being your best man is on your bucket list?” Alex asks, and Bellamy looks at him as if he just asked the stupidest question.

“Of course. And me being his best man is on his bucket list.”

Alex glances at Aaron. “You have a bucket list? I want to see it.”

“No.”

“What? But I’m your boyfriend.”

“So what?”

“I have to have some perks, one of which is seeing your bucket list.”

“ _No_.”

“But – “

Alex cuts off when someone yells something, and they all turn to see Maria running over to them, a wide smile on her face.

“My babies,” she cries out, and she holds out both arms to embrace Alex and Aaron at the same time. “All grown up now. I’m so proud.”

“You made it,” Aaron says, looking so happy that Alex actually feels his heart clench.

“Did you ever doubt that I would? I wouldn’t miss this for anything.” She lets them both go and then waves at Bellamy and Herc. “Hello to the other happily engaged couple. Hey, we need to take photos together! Where did my fiancée go?”

Alex is about to ask why the engaged couples need to take pictures when he catches Bellamy staring at Aaron again, who gives another quick shake of his head, his eyes flicking to Alex and then down to the floor.

“There she is!” Maria cries out, and Alex looks up to see Sally coming towards them, two drinks in her hands, one of which she hands to Maria. “I was just looking for you!”

“Here I am,” Sally tells her, and Alex feels a sarcastic retort on the tip of his tongue, but he bites it back, knowing how much Aaron hates it when him and Sally fight.

Alex knows he’s being bitter and petty, but there’s still a part of him that resents Sally for leaving Aaron the way she did. He knows it’s not his business, knows that if Aaron can move past it, then he should, too, but it’s hard.

Sally smiles at Aaron, and then looks at Alex, giving him a small nod which Alex returns, aware of Aaron’s eyes on him.

“Well, come on,” Bellamy says, reaching out to grab Herc’s hand. “Everyone else is sitting down already.”

They all head over to the array of tables that have been put together so that there’s enough room for everyone, and everything becomes a blur of bodies and loud voices as John, Laf, Peggy, and Angelica all get up to greet them while Jefferson and Madison settle for waving from their seats. Eliza and Theodosia join the table a few minutes later, and they all order what food and drinks they want.

Alex is two drinks in when he agrees to sing some acapella karaoke with John, and Angelica and Peggy join in on the second song. He tries to pull Aaron in, but he refuses, content to just sit and talk with Jefferson for a reason Alex can’t fathom.

Afterwards, Alex cuddles up next to Aaron as Eliza and Theodosia try to get a game of charades going. He shares a bowl of chips with Angelica and orders a glass of water. Aaron doesn’t drink anymore, and Alex doesn’t want Aaron to have to deal with him being drunk tonight. But then Jefferson asks a question that makes Alex wish he had just a bit more alcohol in his system.

“So what are you two planning to do now that you’ve graduated?”

Alex doesn’t answer, still feeling tipsy, not to mention that any question about future plans makes his stomach knot with nerves.

“Alexander’s been offered an internship in New York,” Aaron says when Alex remains silent, and Jefferson nods.

“And what about you? Have you found a school you want to work at as a counselor? Or are you doing grad school?”

Aaron looks down at Alex for a moment and then shrugs. “I haven’t decided yet,” he says, and Alex's stomach twists.

“But you’ll stay together?” Jefferson asks, and Madison nudges him in the side. “What? I’m just curious.”

“Yes we’ll stay together,” Alex snaps out, and he feels Aaron’s arm tighten where it rests around his shoulders. “We’re just…taking our time deciding certain aspects.”

“I got into a grad school in California,” Aaron adds. “But I’m waiting on some job offers in New York. So I’m…I’m just trying to decide where I’ll go.”

“Practical,” Jefferson says, taking a sip from his drink, and Alex rolls his eyes.

“Whatever you choose, things will work out,” Sally says from her seat, and Maria nods beside her.

“This guy’s just lucky I’ve got so much patience,” Alex says, laughing and patting Aaron’s arm, trying to lighten the mood. “I pined after him for months like some sad rom com character. It was embarrassing. So waiting for him to decide where he’s gonna go is like a piece of cake in comparison.” He tilts his head back to throw a wink up at Aaron, but then pauses.

Aaron is smiling, but there’s a tightness to his mouth that makes Alex stop talking and straighten up a little. But then Aaron just shakes his head and rubs his hand along Alex’s shoulder, so Alex lets whatever it is drop.

For now.

The party winds down pretty soon after that, with Peggy, Angelica, Eliza, and Theodosia all heading off to spend some time alone as a group. John and Lafayette head out next, followed by Jefferson and Madison, and then Herc, supporting a drunk Bellamy in their arms, says goodbye to Aaron and Alex before heading out as well.

“You two got any crazy plans for the rest of the night?” Maria asks Alex and Aaron, tracing patterns on the back of Sally’s hand.

“Sleep,” Alex says with a laugh, and Maria wiggles her eyebrows, which makes Aaron snort. “What about you guys?”

“We might walk around campus,” Sally says, glancing over at Maria. “She wants to show me some favorite spots, which we should probably do soon so I’m not sleepwalking the whole time.”

They all stand up at that, and Alex quickly finds himself getting hugged tightly by Maria.

“Congratulations,” she whispers in his ear, pulling away just in time for Alex to see Sally and Aaron hugging as well, hushed words passing between them.

Then Sally is turning towards him, a hesitant expression on her face, but then she smiles when Alex opens his arms for a quick hug.

“I’m glad you came,” he tells her, really meaning it.

“Me, too,” Sally says, and then her and Maria are waving at them as they leave.

“Ready to go?” Alex asks Aaron, who nods.

The drive back home is quiet, and Alex spends most of it with his forehead pressed against the glass of the window, the surface cool against his skin.

Aaron is still quiet when they get back to the apartment, unlocking the door and walking in without a word, and Alex lets out a slow breath as he follows Aaron inside.

“Are you upset about something?” Alex asks as he bends down to untie his shoes.

“No.”

He sighs but bites at his tongue, knowing that Aaron will tell him what’s bothering him eventually. It only slows down the process if he pushes.

When Alex straightens up and turns around to look at Aaron, he’s already staring back, a frown on his face that causes Alex to raise his eyebrows in response. “What?”

“I…” Aaron pauses and he rubs his palm over the front of his jeans. “What you said back at the restaurant…I…does it bother you?”

“I’m gonna need you to be a little more specific.”

“Does it bother you how long it took me to catch up with…with everything between us?”

Oh.

“Hey.” Alex steps over to Aaron and takes his hands. “You know it doesn’t.”

Aaron hunches his shoulders forward and looks away from him. “But you – “

“I was teasing you,” Alex says, not wanting Aaron to even start to go down the path he’s thinking. “And I’m sorry it came off weird. I didn’t mean it like that. Besides, I liked pining after you.”

Aaron gives him a skeptical look, but at least he’s looking at Alex again. “I just…I don’t want you to think that I don’t – “

“I don’t think that.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“You think that I think you don’t love me as much as I love you.”

Aaron’s jaw tightens at that, and his shoulders slump, and Alex has to force himself to not just outright tell him that he’s being ridiculous.

They’ve had some form of this conversation numerous times over the past two years, Aaron still so worried that he hasn’t made things up to Alex, that he hasn’t convinced him that he really cares about him, and Alex sometimes still doesn’t know how to reassure him that everything is okay now.

“I do love you,” Aaron tells him, his voice low, and Alex squeezes his hands.

“I _know_.”

Aaron stares at him for a beat longer, his gaze searching, but then he nods and squeezes Alex’s hands back. “Okay.” He bends down for a quick kiss and then pulls away to throw off his jacket.

They move into the bedroom, and Alex throws his wallet and phone onto the bedside table, Aaron closing the door behind him as he walks in.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Alex asks, hoping that they can talk about something else now.

“I did.” Aaron toes off his shoes and turns back to Alex. “I can’t remember the last time everyone got together. It was nice.”

Alex hums. “Herc and Bellamy seem happy. I still can’t believe it took them this long to get engaged.”

“They’ve basically been engaged ever since they met,” Aaron says with a laugh, and when he catches Alex’s eye, Alex thinks something in his expression changes, but then Aaron is turning around again to drape his jacket across a chair. “It was good to see Eliza and Theodosia, too. Things got so busy towards the end of the semester, we didn’t see them that much.”

“Why aren’t they getting hitched?” Alex asks as he flops onto the bed, stretching out his legs as he does. “Is it like…a middle finger to the system kind of thing?”

“I think they’re just taking their time.”

Alex nods, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He remembers how things between the two of them had gotten a little rocky when Theodosia had wanted to change jobs but Eliza didn’t want to move. They didn’t want to do long distance, either, too worried that things wouldn’t last if they did.

Alex swallows, that knot of worry from earlier tightening in his chest, and he tries to breathe through it.

The bed dips, and Alex turns his head to see Aaron sitting down beside him, his legs crossed. Alex shifts so he can place his head in Aaron’s lap, his cheek pressed against the fabric of his pants.

Aaron’s fingers start to run through his hair, massaging his scalp. “I’m proud of you.”

Alex grins. “Sap.”

“I don’t care, I am proud.”

“Well, I’m no prodigy, but…” Alex doesn’t even have to look up to know that Aaron is rolling his eyes. “I’m proud of you, too.”

Aaron chuckles. “For taking an extra year to graduate?”

“No, stupid, for giving yourself an extra year so that you could do what you wanted to do.” Alex nuzzles against Aaron’s leg, still smiling. “I can’t believe we graduated. I just…” Alex pauses and bites at his lip. “I just wish we knew what was coming next, you know?”

“What do you mean?”

Alex sighs, not sure if he should get into this now, but the conversation has already started. “I mean...we still don’t really know where we’ll end up.”

“New York. That’s where your internship is.”

Alex sighs again, louder this time. “I know that! I mean _us_. Where will _we_ end up? I mean…are you gonna come, too, or look for a job somewhere else or what? It’s just…you know, I’m just freaking out about it a little.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, so neither does Alex, just closes his eyes instead and tries to breathe in time with the movement of Aaron’s fingers.

He knows that things will be okay, that they’ve gone through too much to let distance get between them, but still…Alex can’t help but worry at least a little.

“I’ll just follow you,” Aaron finally says, making Alex’s eyes re-open. “I think that’s where my mind is heading.”

“Follow me?” Alex pushes himself up so he’s kneeling on the bed, staring at Aaron. “I don’t want you to have to do that. You should go where you want to go.”

“I am.”

“Aaron.” Alex shakes his head, frustration starting to mix in with the worry in his chest. “You should go where the best job takes you. You went through so much shit before changing your major. Go where there’s good schools. Don’t just follow me.”

Aaron stares at him, eyes trailing over Alex’s face. But then he just shrugs. “There are good schools in New York.”

“Aaron, you – “

“I’m telling you what I want, Alexander.” Aaron’s voice is calm, like he’s practiced this conversation. “I’m not…giving anything up by going with you. I’ll be able to find a job in New York.” He reaches out to take one of Alex’s hands. “I want to go with you.”

“But…” Alex lets out a breathless laugh, nerves tingling along his arms. “But what if you don’t find something? What if you follow me there and then resent me for it?”

“Alexander, I’m the one who brought the idea up.”

“Yeah, but I want you to come, too, and I don’t want to be the reason that you don’t get a job or the reason that – “ He cuts off when Aaron leans forward, kissing him gently before pulling back.

“I’ll get a job,” Aaron tells him, a small smile on his face. “And yeah, maybe it’ll take a while, but I don’t care. It’s what I want. And it’s what you want, right? So let’s just do it.”

“ I just…” Alex lets out a shaky breath, and he swallows a few times. “Are you sure? Cause I really don’t want this to be the reason that things get messed up for us, you know? Like…what a lame reason after everything we’ve done to get here. I just want you to be sure.”

Aaron stares at him, something unreadable flitting across his face. His hand twitches in Alex’s, and then he’s standing up, keeping his eyes on Alex’s. He smoothes his hands over the front of his jeans, and then one hand is digging into a pocket, and Alex hears Aaron breathe out slowly.

“I’ve been carrying this around with me for months,” Aaron says, removing his hand from his pocket with something clutched in his grip. “And I never knew when was the right time, and this still probably isn’t it…but…” Aaron trails off, his shoulders rising and falling as he breathes in and out, and then he’s getting down on one knee.

“Holy fuck,” Alex chokes out, his heart slamming against his ribs as Aaron holds out a small, black box, can see his hands shaking as he opens it. “Holy _fuck_.”

“Alexander,” Aaron starts, tongue darting out to lick over his lips. “I have never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“But…but I…” Alex closes his mouth and then opens it again, lets out a short laugh, embarrassed at the fact that his throat feels tight. “But I’m…I’m me and you’re you, and I…I don’t – “

Aaron laughs, cutting off the rest of Alex’s words. “I am me,” he says. “And you’re you. And we’ve had a good three years, right?” His voice goes higher at the end, and Alex nods quickly. “And…and I know I want another three years with you, and I’m pretty sure you want three more years with me. I mean, hopefully you want _more_ than three years, obviously, otherwise this whole proposal thing is about to be very awkward.”

Alex lets out a watery laugh, heat blooming across his face when he realizes his eyes have started to blur. “I can’t believe you right now, you bastard.” He wipes a hand under his nose. “Only you could do this spontaneously and still sound so fucking charming.”

Aaron shakes his head, a chuckle escaping him. “Is there an answer in there, between all of the swearing?”

“Aaron…”

“It doesn’t have to be right away,” Aaron says quickly, and Alex sees his throat work as he swallows. “We can have a long engagement, I don’t care about that. It can be five years from now. And this…this isn’t just to show you I don’t mind waiting for a job. This is…I love you, Alexander, and I want to be with you.”

Alex stares down at the silver ring resting in the middle of the box, and then back up at Aaron, who is watching him with such an open, nervous expression, making Alex’s heart clench.

“You haven’t technically asked me yet,” he points out, laughing when Aaron rolls his eyes. “Ask me.”

Aaron shakes his head again, but he’s smiling. “Alexander Hamilton, will you marry me?”

Alex pushes himself off the bed, and he goes to both knees in front of Aaron, taking in the way he’s staring back at him with wide eyes. “How could I say no to the prodigy of Princeton college?” He says, leaning in and wrapping his arms around Aaron’s neck.

“You asshole,” Aaron breathes out. “I take it all back. I retract the offer.”

Alex kisses him. “No you don’t.” He kisses him again, and feels Aaron lean into it, and then his arms are around Alex’s waist, and then Aaron’s tongue is licking across Alex’s lower lip, and Alex feels his heart skip a beat.

“Was that a yes?” Aaron whispers against his mouth before kissing him deeply, and Alex has to take a moment to breathe in a few times once he’s able to, which is a couple seconds later, having been too caught up in the feeling of kissing Aaron to even think about breathing.

“Yes.”

“Yeah?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Alex says again, and then Aaron is standing up, pulling Alex up with him and then kissing him roughly once they’re both upright.

Alex grabs onto the front of Aaron’s shirt for balance as Aaron takes a step forward, knocking the backs of Alex’s knees against the mattress, making him laugh. He just laughs harder when Aaron hushes him, nudging him back onto the bed.

Alex flops down onto it with a smile on his lips, watching as Aaron crawls on after him, lowering himself down and hovering over Alex with dark eyes.

“Are we going to have sex now?” Alex asks, shifting up so that his head is on a pillow. “Really? You propose and we immediately have sex? How unoriginal.”

“Would you rather do something else?”

“No,” Alex says, quicker than he means to, and he feels his cheeks heat when Aaron smirks at him. “Shut up.”

“Gladly,” Aaron murmurs, and then he’s bending down to connect their lips again, going slower than before, but Alex feels warmth build in his chest anyway.

They strip off each other’s clothing with unhurried movements, and Alex doesn’t even need to open his eyes to successfully unbutton Aaron’s shirt, and Aaron has him out of his pants and boxers in record time, and Alex shivers a little from the coolness of the air when Aaron pulls away to grab lube.

But then Aaron is back, lying between Alex’s legs and kissing the side of his jaw, making Alex sigh and then arch up a little when Aaron’s fingers, already covered in lube, slip down to open him.

Alex rocks his hips down a little once Aaron has two fingers in him, swallows down a gasp and reaches up to trail his fingers over Aaron’s cheek and down to his lips, laughing softly when Aaron nips at his fingertips.

“Hey,” Alex whispers, biting down on his lip when Aaron curls his fingers slightly. “I like you a lot, you know that?”

Aaron hums, shifts so he can kiss Alex. “I know.”

“You know? That’s your response? That’s – “ Alex cuts off when Aaron slips in a third finger, holds back a moan.

“I’ve hit my sappiness quota for the day,” Aaron tells him, smiling as he presses another kiss to the corner of Alex’s mouth, which Alex realizes is hanging open while Aaron looks far too pleased with himself.

“You like me, too,” Alex says, reaching down between them to stroke Aaron, lips quirking up when he hears Aaron’s breath hitch. “You’re not as subtle as you think. You love me.”

“I did just propose to you, so you’re deductive skills on that topic aren’t that impressive.”

Alex chuckles, jerks Aaron off with slow, tight strokes. “I’d be even more convinced of your undying love if you’d hurry up and get your dick in me.”

Aaron lets out a short laugh, bends down so that his forehead is resting on Alex’s shoulder. “Alexander Hamilton, destroyer of romance.”

“Well I’m _trying_ to be destroyer of this d-“

“Shut up,” Aaron breaks in, but Alex can feel him laughing against him. Then he’s pressing a kiss to Alex’s shoulder, and another right below his collarbone, then he’s kissing up his neck and over his jaw until he reaches his mouth, kissing him deeply.

Alex opens his eyes, not having realized he closed them, when Aaron pulls away to move onto his knees. Then he’s slowly pressing into him, one hand on Alex’s thigh while the other rests on Alex’s stomach.

Aaron rocks his hips gently, eyes on Alex’s face as he squeezes his thigh reassuringly, a gesture that reminds Alex so much of their first time that Alex can’t help but smile.

“C’mon,” Alex urges him, breathing in deep when Aaron grips his other thigh as well, spreading his legs even more and speeding up slightly, sending sparks up Alex’s back. “Fuck…”

Aaron moves Alex’s legs so they’re wrapped around his waist, and then his hands are on Alex’s hips, pulling him forward to meet his movements, and Alex grips the bedsheets on either side of him, sweat already starting to build along his hairline.

He gets a little lost in it after that. Aaron’s hands on his skin, the sounds filling the room, the small sparks of pleasure running through him, Alex gets lost in all of it until he feels a heat low in his stomach that makes him squirm on the sheets and tighten his legs around Aaron.

“Aaron,” he breathes out, reaching down to stroke himself and whimpering when Aaron smacks his hand away. “Please.”

Aaron stops his movements momentarily, lets go of Alex’s hips and changes position so that he’s holding himself up over Alex, his arms on either side of Alex’s head.

Alex moves his hands so they’re resting on Aaron’s back, slides them lower as Aaron starts to move again, his thrusts coming harder than before, making Alex gasp.

Lips find his neck, and Alex turns slightly to give Aaron more room, squeezing his eyes shut as Aaron times a particularly good thrust at the same time he bites down at the skin above Alex’s collarbone.

“ _God_ ,” Alex moans out, feeling his toes curl. He laughs breathlessly when Aaron licks over the bite mark. “I hate how good at this you are.”

Now Aaron laughs, pushes himself up slightly and reaches behind him so that he can hike one of Alex’s legs further up where it is wrapped around him, changing the angle and making Alex’s vision blur. “No you don’t,” Aaron tells him, his own voice breathless as he continues to move.

Alex reaches between them again, strokes himself quickly and breathes out in short gasps. “I’m gonna come.”

Aaron leans down and kisses him slowly, and then he’s pulling away, looking down at Alex, watching with his lips quirked up, and Alex almost feels himself go a little cross-eyed with how he’s trying to look at every part of Aaron’s face at once, trying to take all of it in.

“Kiss me again,” Alex tells him, and Aaron does, pressing their mouths together so sweetly that Alex is almost embarrassed at the noise that escapes him, but then Aaron is speeding up his thrusts, and Alex barely gets in three more strokes before he’s arching up against Aaron and spilling over his own hand and stomach.

He’s aware of Aaron letting out a soft huff of breath that turns into a long groan, and then feels his hips stuttering against Alex, and then there are lips pressing against his mouth, then his cheek, then his jaw.

Alex feels light and loose as Aaron rolls off of him, pressing another kiss to his cheek before getting up from the bed. Alex mumbles something about helping clean up in a second, but then Aaron is already back, wiping off his stomach and pulling a clean blanket over him.

“You’re useless after you come,” Aaron tells him as he climbs back onto the bed beside Alex, his boxers back on.

Alex just hums. “Better get used to it,” he says, stomach fluttering a little at the words, at the idea of them getting married. He turns and wraps around Aaron, opening his eyes so that he can watch his hand trace patterns over Aaron’s chest.

“I guess I’d better,” Aaron responds, and he reaches for Alex’s hand, intertwines their fingers, and Alex smiles as Aaron smoothes his thumb across Alex’s skin.

“Wait!” Alex sits up quickly, looks around them, and then swears.

“What?”

“The ring!” Alex says, and he yanks his hand out of Aaron’s grip when he continues to just look up at Alex in confusion. “The engagement ring.” Alex wiggles his fingers. “Where the fuck did we put it?”

Aaron blinks at him once, and then he’s springing up out of the bed. “I had it before we – “

“Before we had sex, yeah, I know!”

“Well it has to be here somewhere.” Aaron looks under his pillow, swears when there’s nothing there and then looks under the covers. “Hey, get up. Move!” He shoves at Alex, who grumbles but stands up, grabbing his boxers from the floor and pulling them on.

“Okay, we just gotta calm down. I mean, it can’t have disappeared.”

Aaron nods, but then he laughs. “This is ridiculous.”

“Well, now we know. Propose, put on the ring, and _then_ have sex, in that order.”

“It’s not like we get a redo.”

“Says who? We make our own rules.”

Aaron laughs again and shakes his head, but then his hand is shooting forward towards the bed. “Got it!” He holds up the black box and opens it, sighing in relief as he pulls out the ring. He crawls onto the bed, and gestures for Alex to climb on as well.

Ales does, his heart beating quickly against his ribs. He kneels in front of Aaron, who takes his hand, slipping the ring onto his finger slowly.

“There,” Aaron says, his voice soft, and they both look down at Alex’s hand, the silver band making him swallow thickly.

“So…you’re _sure_?” Alex asks, nerves making his hand shake a little, and Aaron squeezes, his hand warm in Alex’s.

“One hundred percent.”

"Cause you know how annoying I am," Alex continues. "And you're gonna have to deal with that for a whole life time, for like...I don't know, probably sixty more years."

"Well when you put it like that..."

"Hey!"

"Alexander." Aaron cups his face and kisses him softly, and Alex exhales shakily once they part. "I want to marry you, okay? Nothing is gonna change my mind."

Alex nods, leans in for another kiss. "Okay," he murmurs, and Aaron smiles at him, tugging him down seconds later so that they're lying down on the bed, facing each other. "Did you really have this for months?" Alex asks, looking at the ring on his hand.

Aaron hums. "I did. Bellamy and Sally knew I was planning to do it."

"So _that's_ why Bellamy was looking at you like that all night."

"Yep," Aaron says with a laugh. "Honestly I'm impressed he didn't let the secret out. If I didn't ask you soon, he probably would have done it for me."

"That would have been something. Hey, am I supposed to get you a ring, too?"

Aaron shrugs. "I don't know. If you want."

"Do you want one?"

Aaron is quiet for a few moments, and Alex watches his face, watches his lips form a small smile. "That would be nice."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Alex smiles, too, and he moves closer to Aaron, wraps an arm around him and presses a kiss to his chest. They lie there in a comfortable silence, Aaron's arm coming up to wrap around Alex, his palm running up and down Alex's bare back.

"Hey," Alex says a few minutes later, an idea popping into his head. "We should make this facebook official."

"No way," Aaron responds. "Sally will murder me if she finds out through facebook. Bellamy will, too. They'll murder me together."

"Fair enough..." Alex trails off, but then he pushes himself up on one elbow, another idea hitting him. "Okay, well then let's call everyone! Right now! We'll call and let them know and then we can put it on facebook!" He starts to lean over Aaron, reaching for his phone on the bedside table, but Aaron stops him.

"Alexander, wait! What're you doing?" His hands come up to Alex's sides, tickling him and making Alex double over with laughter. "C'mon, stop it!"

Alex pauses to catch his breath, now straddling Aaron, his hands resting on his chest for balance. "I want to tell everyone," he says, a wide smile on his face. "I want everyone to know."

"Everyone _will_  know," Aaron tells him. "Tomorrow, okay? I'll help you call everyone."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Alex smiles, can't stop his eyes from going to the ring on his finger. He smoothes his hands down Aaron's chest. "I'm really happy," he whispers, and Aaron runs his hands up Alex's thighs.

"Me, too."

Alex bends down and kisses Aaron slowly, their lips moving together with ease, and he rocks his hips down, smirking when Aaron breathes out sharply at the movement. "Round two?" Alex asks, nipping at Aaron's lower lip and rocking down again.

"Needy," Aaron breathes back, but he moves his hips up to meet Alex's next thrust.

"Good thing you've got great stamina." Alex sucks at Aaron's jaw for a few moments, continues moving against Aaron as he does, and then he pulls away, glances down at Aaron and cups his face. "Hey," he murmurs. "We're getting _married_."

Aaron stares up at him, one of his hands coming up to trace the edge of Alex's face before moving it down to put it over Alex's hand, his fingers finding the ring and smoothing over it. "We're getting married," he echoes, saying the words like he can't believe it.

Alex bends down and kisses him again, rough and heated. He licks into Aaron's mouth, caresses his cheek, lets their lips slide together. He tries to put all the happiness he's feeling into the kiss.

And from the way he feels Aaron smiling against him, Alex knows that he understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been planning this chapter for so long, and I really hope you guys like it! I know time jumps can be frustrating, but it was time for these boys to get some happiness, and I hope I conveyed all the work they've been putting into their relationship the past few years.
> 
> One more chapter to go! :) Should be up in a week or two.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, and thank you for being so patient as I got this chapter ready! Kudos are greatly appreciated, and comments fuel my motivation! Let 'em here or on my tumblr @fanciful-follies.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On January 8th, 2017, the first chapter of this fic was released. One year later, we’ve reached the final update. I have never dedicated so much time to one piece of work before, and I truly, truly hope that everything that I’ve put into it reflects in the writing. As always, there are things I’d change in it, things I wish I had put in, things I wish I could take out. But overall, this fic has easily become on of the favorites I have ever written, hence the ridiculous word count lmao.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck with it for so long, and thank you for leaving me the best comments, and thank you for motivating me to keep going! 
> 
> One last time…enjoy x

~ Five years later ~

When Aaron steps into the apartment, he immediately stumbles and then curses loudly, not even having to look down to know that he just tripped over Alexander’s shoes.

Alexander is always leaving them there. Somehow, his shoes are there when he’s not even _in_ the apartment, as if he purposefully kicks them in front of the door before going off to work, just to annoy Aaron.

He considers shooting Alexander a frustrated text, but then remembers that he forgot to refill the coffee pot for Alexander this morning, so he figures he should let it slide this time.

Aaron toes off his own shoes and places them against the wall, dropping his briefcase beside them seconds later, relieved that it’s finally the weekend.

He’s been working as a high school counselor for the past four years, and he never thought that he would enjoy a job as much as he enjoys this one. Sure, there are days that suck, days where the kids he’s working with seem like they want to be anywhere but sitting in his office talking to him, but Aaron feels like he’s helping them, even if the kids don’t necessarily seem to care at times.

Alexander had been almost more excited than Aaron when he got the job, probably relieved that Aaron found something to do after agreeing to follow him to New York. Aaron never admitted it, but he found Alexander’s excitement over the whole thing to be endearing, making him even more proud to have gotten the job.

Aaron shakes his head fondly at the memory, and then makes his way over to the kitchen, gathering various ingredients from the pantry, remembering that he’d planned to make pasta for dinner.

He’d discovered that he really liked cooking after moving to New York. Alexander’s internship, which later turned into a job, required him to work late hours, leaving Aaron to fend for himself for dinner. And it had frustrated him having to have microwave meals all the time because he hadn’t wanted to order in food for just himself.

So he started experimenting with cooking, failing spectacularly at firsts but luckily being able to hide those failures from Alexander since he got home well after Aaron had disposed of the disastrous food.

But then he’d started to get the hang of it, and was excited to reheat the food for Alexander when he finally got home to see what he thought of it. And to Alexander’s credit, he was a very enthusiastic fan of Aaron’s cooking, and usually declined any suggestions of going out for dinner, preferring Aaron to make something instead.

One time, for Aaron’s birthday, Alexander had attempted to make him something, and even to this day Aaron doesn’t know what it was supposed to be, only knows that it came out a rather disgusting color and had a strange smell. After that, Alexander refused to cook himself, embarrassment reddening his face whenever Aaron brought it up.

The door opening causes Aaron to glance up, smiling as he watches Alexander step inside.

“You’re home early,” Aaron says, leaning forward on the counter. “Dinner isn’t even ready yet.”

“Dinner? Not ready?” Alexander kicks off his shoes before turning to smile at Aaron. “What kind of husband are you?”

Aaron snorts at that, and then he turns, grabbing his wedding ring from beside the stove, having taken it off while he cooked.

He slips it back on, running his finger and thumb over the smooth surface, still finding it hard to believe that him and Alexander have been married for almost two years. There was a time where Aaron couldn’t even imagine this sort of life happening to him.

“So today wasn’t too busy?” Aaron asks, turning back to check on the pasta. He figures it must not have been since Alexander is home so early. That’s a rarity for him. Usually he’s late.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Alexander’s voice is suddenly closer, and then Aaron feels arms wrapping around his waist. “Maybe I just missed you.”

Aaron snorts again. “Right.”

Alexander laughs, then presses a kiss to Aaron’s neck before releasing him. “Fine. It was a slow day. But I am home early, so that should be what we’re focusing on here. Want me to set the table?”

Aaron hums out an affirmative. “You got tomorrow off, right?” He asks Alexander, looking over his shoulder just in time to see Alexander nod.

“I did. And Sunday, too.”

Aaron is surprised at that, and it must show on his face because Alexander rolls his eyes as he finishes setting the plates on the table.

“I am capable of taking days off,” he tells Aaron, his voice coming out as a grumble. “I just enjoy my job.” He pauses there, glancing over at Aaron. “But I know this weekend is important, so I took both days off.”

Aaron hesitates a moment, but then he smiles. “Thank you.”

Alexander smiles back, and then throws a wink in Aaron’s direction. “Thank me later tonight, especially since we won’t be having the apartment to ourselves the next few nights.”

Sally and Maria are coming down for the weekend, bringing their baby, Zahra, with them. Aaron and Alexander haven’t seen them since Zahra was born, which Aaron thinks is inexcusable, especially since they’re Zahra’s godparents.

“It’ll be good to see them,” Aaron says just as the timer on the oven goes off. He picks up the pot and goes over to the sink pouring the pasta out into the strainer, and when he turns back around, Alexander is giving him an amused look.

“Just good?” He says, his tone light and teasing. “You’ve been talking about it for the past couple of weeks, Aaron. I was worried you were going to self-combust because of how excited you’ve been. You even bought a crib for Zahra to use while they’re here.”

Aaron feels his face heat up, but he just shrugs. “They’ve been so busy ever since Zahra was born. And Maria was hell bent on making sure Sally rested after the birth that I wasn’t even allowed to visit. I just…it’ll be nice to see them.”

Alexander’s eyes crinkle around the edges as he smiles at Aaron. “It will be nice.”

They sit down to eat, both of them silent for a while, but then Alexander lowers his fork and taps it against his plate, causing Aaron to glance up at him.

“Have you heard from Herc or Bellamy lately?” Alexander asks, his tone casual.

Aaron shrugs. “I mean, just texts from Bell. But no calls since the last time. Why?”

Now Alexander shrugs, but he’s chewing at his lower lip, looking thoughtful. “They…are they still thinking of adopting?”

“I think so. They’ve wanted to for a while now. Everyone has baby fever lately.”

Alexander makes a strange noise, and then he’s taking a large mouthful of food, and Aaron just stares and shakes his head before going back to his own food, wondering why he finds Alexander attractive even with his bad table manners.

-

Later that night, their legs are intertwined under the covers for warmth, both of them too lazy to get up and put clothes back on.

Aaron has his eyes closed, feels like he’s right on the edge of sleep, but Alexander is pressed up against him, his breathing soft, and Aaron finds that it’s almost too quiet for him to fall asleep without Alexander’s usual snoring, the absence of it making it clear that Alexander is still awake.

Aaron can also tell that Alexander is still awake because of how still he is. Usually he’s rolling around or kicking his feet under the covers in his sleep. Aaron waits a few more minutes before turning onto his other side so he’s facing Alexander, and he reaches his hand out in the dark to find Alexander’s hand.

“What are you thinking about?” Aaron murmurs, and he hears Alexander breathe out slowly, his fingers tangling with Aaron’s.

“It’s nothing,” Alexander says, but his words come out slow, and his tone is higher than usual, a sure sign that he’s lying.

“Alexander.”

“I just…” Alexander sighs again. “Do you…have you ever thought about having kids?” He says it in a rush, and Aaron has to wait a few seconds for the words to actually register in his mind.

Once they do, Aaron sits up, turning the other way to switch on the lamp beside the bed before turning back to Alexander, who is staring up at him with a flustered expression, and something must be showing on Aaron’s face because Alexander groans.

“Don’t get all serious,” he says, waving a hand in the air. “Just…just turn off the light. Forget it. I don’t want to – “

“Stop talking,” Aaron tells him, his head feeling like its spinning. “We…we need to talk about this.”

“You do realize that you just told me to shut up, but also keep talking, right?”

“ _Alexander_.”

“Okay!” Alexander says, his voice loud, and he sighs another time. “Okay.” He pushes himself up so he’s sitting as well, and he gives Aaron an apprehensive look.

Aaron swallows, his throat dry, and he just stares at Alexander for a few moments, trying to figure out where to even start. “Do…so, do _you_ want to have kids?”

Alexander chews at his lip, gaze darting from Aaron’s face down to his hands. He shrugs one shoulder, and he starts to pick at the bedsheets. “I mean, I don’t want to _not_ have kids. I just…haven’t you thought about it?”

Aaron opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Nothing comes out because he doesn’t want to say no, doesn’t want to admit that he hasn’t thought about it. But it must show on his face because Alexander is looking at him again, and his expression twists.

“Right. Sorry. I was stupid to assume that – “

“I haven’t thought about it,” Aaron cuts in, scrambling to fix the situation. He takes in a deep breath before continuing, trying to pick his words carefully. “But…but not because I don’t want to. I just…I just haven’t thought about it.”

“Oh.”

“We’ve had so much going on,” Aaron continues, desperate to make Alexander understand. “Moving, getting jobs, getting married.” He reaches out to take Alexander’s hand, squeezing it. “Things have been busy. And I haven’t had time to think about it.”

Alexander nods his head, but he’s still chewing at his lip, still looking up at Aaron with nervous eyes. “Can you think about it now?” He asks weakly.

Aaron laughs, can’t help it. Does Alexander expect them to come to a decision right now? When he hasn’t even thought about it? When he has no idea if he could even handle it? When he has no idea if he’d even be good at it?

“I…kids are…kids are a lot, Alexander. A lot of work.” He should know. He deals with them every day. Deals with their emotions and their tempers, watches them leave his office in anger on most days, not ready to open up to him.

“I know that. I’m not stupid.”

“I didn’t _say_ you were stupid.”

“You insinuated it,” Alexander snaps, and then he brings his free hand up to his face, rubs at his eyes. When he lowers his hand, his expression has softened. “Sorry. I’m…I’m just nervous.”

Aaron sighs, reaches out to run his thumb over Alexander’s mouth, pulling his lower lip away from where his teeth are still chewing at it. “Why are you nervous?” Aaron murmurs, moving his hand to cup Alexander’s cheek.

“Because I want to have a family with you,” Alexander says softly. “And I’m worried you don’t want to have one with me.”

Aaron feels his heart clench at that, and he drops his hand, grips at the fabric of his pajama pants instead, fighting back the anxiety that is beginning to claw at him. He doesn’t want Alexander to think that. Doesn’t want him to think that Aaron doesn’t want a family with him. That’s not it, that’s –

“I’m…” Aaron stops, swallows around the tightness in his throat. “I’m not hesitant because of you. I’m hesitant because…because I…” Aaron stops again, his chest seizing for a moment, and he breathes through it. “I’m hesitant because of _me_.”

Alexander’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

Aaron laughs again, but this one comes out more choked. “I mean that I…that I don’t think I can be a dad.” The words burn on their way out of his mouth, and Aaron pulls his hand out of Alexander’s, starts to pull away entirely, overwhelmed with a need to escape, to hide, to –

“Hey.” Alexander’s voice is gentle, and his hands reach out, stopping Aaron’s movements. “Aaron. Look at me.” He’s smiling when Aaron turns back around. “You help kids every day at work. You’d be a great dad.”

But Aaron shakes his head. “That’s different. That’s…most of the kids don’t even _like_ me.”

“I don’t think that’s true at all. You’re a counselor for high schoolers, Aaron, they aren’t exactly the most expressive bunch. They like you more than you know.”

“Maybe.” Aaron shrugs, and then keeps his shoulders hunched up. The whole idea of raising a child, of being responsible for their well-being, it terrifies him. “I just…I don’t want to mess them up.” He glances at Alexander, lets his shoulders fall, breathes out shakily. “I don’t want to disappoint them.”

Alexander stares at him for a beat and then shifts on the bed, moving so that he can wrap his arms around Aaron’s shoulders. “Hey,” he murmurs into his ear, rubbing small circles against Aaron’s skin. “That’s not gonna happen.”

“It might,” Aaron says, blinking his eyes rapidly in the hopes it’ll keep the tears back. “What if I do something wrong? What if I hurt them and then they have to deal with that for the rest of their lives? I can’t do that. I can’t. I – “

Alexander shifts again so that he’s straddling Aaron, pulling him even closer, and Aaron buries his face in Alexander’s shoulder, breathes in and out with the movement of Alexander’s hand, still rubbing slow circles onto his back, feeling silly at having reacted this way.

“If you aren’t ready,” Alexander starts, “then that’s okay. That’s okay, Aaron.” He laughs quietly, but Aaron can feel it. “I understand. I didn’t have a stellar example of a father figure growing up, either. I get it. I didn’t mean to spring this on you. We have plenty of time to wait. And…and if it’s too much, if you really don’t want to, then…then I understand. But you don’t need to answer right now.”

Aaron nods against him, breathes out slowly. “Okay.”

Alexander pulls back, stares down at Aaron and brushes his fingers over Aaron’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to make you upset,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Aaron tells him, placing his hands on Alexander’s hips. “I’m…it’s a conversation we should have. One we should _keep_ having.” He leans forward to kiss Alexander. “I want to talk about it more, okay? I…it might not seem like it – “ he gestures at his tear stained face “ – but I do want to talk about it again.”

Alexander chuckles, but he bends down for another kiss. “Good.”

They get back under the covers, Alexander’s back pressed against Aaron’s front, and now Aaron is the one who can’t sleep.

He’s not upset, not really. He’s just surprised. He never thought that Alexander would be thinking so much about raising a kid with him. And now of course there’s a part of Aaron that feels terrible for not thinking about it, but he tries to push that feeling away, reminds himself that Alexander hadn’t been angry with him about it.

And it’s not that Aaron doesn’t like kids, or that he doesn’t want to raise one with Alexander, it’s just that he really had never sat down and thought about it. Things have been so good with Alexander, better than good, and Aaron spent most of his time thinking about that. Alexander has made him happier than Aaron ever thought he would be.

“Alexander,” Aaron murmurs, tightening his arm around him a little, and then pressing a kiss to his shoulder when Alexander hums in response. “Just so you know, I think that you’d be a great dad, too.”

Everything is quiet for a moment, but then Alexander’s hand comes up to grab at Aaron’s hand, squeezing.

“I love you,” Alexander says, his voice soft and coming out as a mumble, clueing Aaron in that he’s practically asleep already.

Aaron chuckles, pressing another kiss to Alexander’s shoulder before closing his eyes and letting sleep wash over him.

-

“Did you pick up your shoes from in front of the door?” Aaron calls out the next morning, wiping down the kitchen counter as he peers around the room for anything else out of place. “I don’t want anyone tripping over them.”

Alexander groans from where he’s seated on the couch, sipping on his third cup of coffee. “Yes, Aaron, I picked them up the first time you asked me to.”

“That’s shocking,” Aaron grumbles under his breath, moving to toss the paper towel he’d been using into the trash. Then he goes over to where Alexander is, straightening the couch cushions before bending down to pick up some books lying on the ground, glaring when Alexander laughs at him. “What?”

“Zahra isn’t even three months old, Aaron,” Alexander tells him. “It’s not like she’s gonna be running around the apartment.”

“You never know,” Aaron says, placing the books on a shelf.

“Well, in this case, I think I do know.”

“Where did we put that gift we got for Zahra?” Aaron asks, disregarding whatever Alexander had just said. “The clothes for the Build-A-Bear we got her when she was first born? Did we put it in the closet?”

He doesn’t wait for Alexander to respond, just walks into the hallway and opens the closet doors, gazing at the cluttered mess inside. He sighs before standing on his tiptoes to grab at a couple of the boxes resting on the shelf at the top of the closet.

Aaron kneels down to open the first box, ready to discard it when all he sees are some old journals, binders, and notebooks, but then something makes him pause.

A yellow piece of paper is sticking out of what Aaron first thought was a binder, but now he sees that it’s actually photo album.

Curiosity piqued, Aaron takes the album out and opens it, heart jumping when he sees what’s inside.

The yellow sticky notes from all those years ago are placed in the clear pockets of each page, and Aaron feels himself smile as he reaches out to run his fingers over the surface, remembering how nervous he’d been that day, going to see Alexander. They’ve come so far since then.

Aaron flips through each page, shaking his head in amusement at some of the things he’d written on the sticky notes. He’d had no idea that Alexander had kept them, had just assumed Alexander threw them away at a certain point.

When Aaron gets to the final page, he’s surprised again to see some copies of photos from their wedding, the first one showing Sally walking Aaron down the aisle, just as he did for her at her wedding. The second photo is of Aaron and Alexander’s first kiss as a married couple. And the last one is a photo that Maria took.

It shows Aaron reclining on a bench that had been outside of their venue, his back pressed to the armrest, one leg stretched out along the surface, while the other leg hangs off. Alexander is leaning against him, back pressed to Aaron’s chest, and his head is resting on Aaron’s shoulder, tilted so that he’s looking up at Aaron, both of them laughing at something that Aaron can’t remember.

But he does remember how happy he’d been in that moment, re-creating that memory from college when they had sat for Maria’s drawing in the same position. But that had been back before they really knew how much they meant to each other, so re-creating it when they were together and married had been a perfect addition to their wedding day.

Being married has been a learning curve for Aaron, and he’d be lying if he said there weren’t ever any bad days. Him and Alexander work together well, but there are times where they clash, too. But they always come back from it. And Aaron wouldn’t want to be fighting or arguing with anyone else. They’ve built a good life.

Aaron chews at the inside of his cheek, rethinking that in his mind. _They’ve built a good life_. It almost surprises him how true that phrase is, not because he didn’t think that he could have that with Alexander, but because it happened so fast, and it wasn’t even something that Aaron was necessarily thinking about when they were together, building something stable.

Their relationship is something that Aaron feels like he can fall back on no matter what. He’s more than just happy, he’s comfortable, he’s confident in what he means to Alexander, and in what Alexander means to him.

And now Aaron can’t stop himself from thinking about how all of that bodes well for them being parents.

When the topic was first brought up the previous night, Aaron really hadn’t been sure what they’d be like as parents, having never considered it before. With his uncle being the kind of guardian that he was, Aaron always swore to himself that he would never act the same way.

And with everything that went on with him in college, his lashing out and his anger, Aaron also swore to himself that he wouldn’t ever put himself into a position where he would hurt someone else because he wasn’t in a good mental place. He’s been working so hard to make sure that he’s ready for whatever big life change comes up. And this life change, the possibility of raising a kid, it’s something that Aaron refuses to mess up.

The doorbell ringing causes Aaron to jump up, and he decides he’ll look for the baby gift later, choosing to run to the door instead, wrenching it open with a smile already on his face.

Maria has her arms around Aaron immediately, pressing a loud kiss to his cheek before pulling back with a wide smile. “Hey, you.”

“Hey,” Aaron responds, laughing and then stepping back so she can walk in.

Sally follows moments later, a matching smile on her face, and a baby carrier in her hand. She squeezes past Aaron and hands the carrier over to Maria before turning to Aaron, wrapping him in a big hug.

“How’s my baby bro?” She asks, squeezing him hard before letting go to look at him. “You look good.”

“You look great,” Aaron tells her, relieved to see that she doesn’t seem to be too exhausted from travelling.

“Doesn’t she?” Maria quips, throwing a wink in both of their directions. “Come say hi to your niece,” she says to Aaron, bending down to pick up Zahra from the carrier and holding her securely in her arms as Aaron comes over.

“She got big,” Aaron says, reaching out to tickle Zahra’s cheek, which causes her to wave one of her fists in the air, but she breaks out into a big smile, making them all laugh. “How has she been? A lot of work?”

“You have no idea,” Sally tells him with a small groan. “I’ve forgotten what sleep feels like.” She reaches out to run her fingers through the small curls on top of Zahra’s head, smiling up at Maria. “But she’s worth it.” She peers back over at Aaron. “Where’s Alex?”

“Right here,” Alexander says, walking into the room. “Sorry, I was finishing up cleaning some things, just to make sure Aaron’s head didn’t explode.” He grins at Aaron when he scowls. “So your guys’ trip wasn’t bad?”

“Uneventful,” Sally says, all of them walking further into the house. “Zahra cried for a lot of it, but that just means she’ll sleep easier this afternoon. So I guess I can’t be too mad at the fact that Maria sang the whole way down.”

“I told you, it helps me focus while I drive.”

Aaron snorts at the disbelieving look Sally shoots in Maria’s direction. “Well, come on, I have lunch basically ready, if you guys want to eat.”

About fifteen minutes later, all four of them are seated around the table, Zahra napping in the crib in the guest room.

“I still can’t believe you know how to cook now,” Maria says, sounding impressed as she takes a bite of her food. “Like…remember that time you asked me how to make soup? You’ve come so far.”

“He asked you how to make soup?” Sally asks, snickering when Aaron from groans across the table. “Oh man, that’s good. I won’t be forgetting that any time soon.”

“Shut up,” Aaron grumbles, stabbing his fork into the pasta he made. “I can make soup now, and a lot of other things, that’s all that matters.” He looks over at Alexander, raising his eyebrows at him in a silent gesture for support, and Alexander quickly swallows his food, coughing into his napkin for a few seconds.

“Oh, yeah, I mean…Aaron is a _great_ cook,” he says, laying on the compliment a little too thick, and Aaron sees Maria and Sally smirk. “Like…five star material. There were some…interesting dishes at the beginning, but…” Alexander trails off and then nudges Aaron’s shoulder with his. “Well, he cooks for me every night, so, I’d say that’s pretty great.”

“Y’all are adorable,” Maria says, shaking her head.

“Have you heard from Bellamy lately?” Sally asks, effectively changing the topic, which Aaron is grateful for, his face having started to grow warm from all the attention. “He called us a week or so ago, but he was just yelling about something and then hung up.”

Aaron chuckles at that, taking a sip of his water. “That was probably about him and Herc deciding to move to New York this summer. We got a call, too, but I managed to get him to stop shouting so I could actually understand.”

“That’s great! Shit. You must be so excited.”

Aaron just shrugs in response, but he can’t help the smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth. He is excited. He can’t pretend that he hasn’t missed Bellamy a lot. This is probably the longest they’ve ever been apart. That combined with Thomas and James moving to Virginia has had Aaron feeling a little lonelier than he’d like.

“They’re gonna move into a place after Eliza and Theodosia’s wedding,” Alexander tells Sally and Maria. “So, this summer will certainly be interesting. Bellamy has already threatened to make every Friday night a board game night, and he wants bi-weekly dinners.”

“That sounds nice,” Sally says softly, catching Aaron’s eye and giving him a small smile. “It’ll be good to have them here.” Her smile widens. “Now I can get updates from him about both of you.”

After lunch, Sally opts to help Aaron with the dishes while Maria and Alex go to check on Zahra.

“So,” Sally starts, wiping at one of the dishes. “You never told me how you were doing.”

“I’m good,” Aaron tells her with a shrug, rolling his eyes when she gives him a long look, like she doesn’t believe him. “Really, I am. I’ve…I’ve been good for a while, you know that.”

“Are you still doing phone calls with Dr. Franklin?”

Aaron nods. They talk every other week for about an hour. There’d had been a section of time where Aaron had tried to find a local therapist, but had no luck in finding one that had worked as well as Dr. Franklin did, so he reached out and they easily set up a schedule that suited them both.

“Really,” Aaron says, smiling at Sally. “I’m good.”

“Good,” Sally tells him gently, and then they’re both drying off their hands, and Sally turns to look at him, chewing at the inside of her cheek. “I’m…I’m glad we could come down to visit.”

“I wish you’d visit more,” Aaron says, the words slipping out before he can really think about them. “I’m…I mean, I know you’re busy. You have a baby. And it’s hard to travel, it’s just that I – “

“I’ve missed you, too,” Sally interjects, reaching out to take one of Aaron’s hands. “We’ll try to visit more. It’s just been a lot lately. You guys are always welcome to come down to us, too.”

Aaron shrugs. “It’s hard with Alexander’s job. I made him get this weekend off, and then he took another weekend off next month for our anniversary, so I doubt that he’d want to take more time off any time soon.”

“Your anniversary?” Sally asks, her brows drawing together in confusion. “That’s ages away, isn’t it?”

Aaron chuckles. “Our wedding anniversary is ages away, yeah. But we celebrate the one where Theodosia and Eliza took us out on that disastrous double date that started everything.”

Sally lets out a loud laugh at that, and then she’s shaking her head. “Maria’s right, you two are ridiculously adorable.” She squeezes Aaron’s hand. “I’m glad you’re doing so good, Aaron.”

Aaron squeezes her hand back, his throat feeling a little tight, and then he’s leaning in to hug Sally again. “We’re both doing good,” he murmurs, knowing that she must feel the same way about that as he does.

He never thought that things would turn out this way, that they’d both be together again, that they’d both be married, that they’d be away from their uncle and be surrounded by people who care about them.

“Yeah,” Sally says, her voice sounding watery. She pulls back and smiles at Aaron. “I think we’re both kicking life’s ass pretty good.” She chuckles when Aaron rolls his eyes again, and then she’s giving him another look, this one making him groan, because he knows that she’s about to ask him for a favor. Her eyes go all wide whenever she’s about to.

“What is it?” He asks, figuring they should just get straight to the point.

“It would be super awesome if you and Alex could keep an eye on Zahra for a bit while me and Maria take a nap.” Sally reaches up to pinch his cheek. “Like, you’d definitely get some points in the best baby brother category. Plus Zahra loves you, so I mean, saying no would just break her heart.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron says, but he can feel himself smiling. “Of course we’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Thank you, thank you!” Sally clasps her hands together and sighs. “She won’t need to be fed for a bit, so don’t worry about that. Honestly she’ll probably just sleep most of the time.”

Aaron nods and then follows her down the hall and into the guest room, where Maria and Alexander are talking in hushed tones, peering down at Zahra as she continues to sleep soundly in her crib.

“Nap time?” Maria asks in a whisper, her face breaking into an expression of relief when Sally nods. “Bless you both,” she says to Aaron and Alexander, and then her and Sally are slipping from the room.

Once they’re gone, Aaron goes over to the crib and slowly picks up Zahra, cradling her in his arms, almost holding his breath as he does, worried that something so simple as breathing might disturb her. But she doesn’t stir or cry, just keeps sleeping soundly, her lips moving occasionally.

He moves them over to the small futon on one end of the room, sitting down. He can’t help but smile when a small sound escapes her, something between a sigh and a gurgle, and Aaron reaches out to push a stray curl off of her forehead.

“She has so much hair,” Alexander says softly from beside him. “Did she have that much hair when we saw her last?”

Aaron laughs. “Probably not.” He watches as Alexander sits down next to him on the couch, his movements slow as if he’s worrying about disturbing her, too.

Aaron shifts on the couch and then holds out his arms. “Do you want to hold her?”

Alexander nods, his eyes wide, and he stays completely still as Aaron gently places Zahra in his arms. Then he’s just staring down at her, eyes roaming over her face, and Aaron smiles again, a warmth blooming in his chest.

“She’s pretty,” Alexander murmurs, and Aaron hums in agreement. “I mean, all babies are like…cute, right? Or at least that’s what people always say. Personally I think babies are kind of weird looking at first, but she’s pretty.” Alexander looks up at Aaron, a blush spreading across his cheeks and making Aaron realize that he’s still smiling warmly at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” Aaron tells him, his smile only growing wider. “I just love you.”

Alexander’s blush deepens, and he peers back down at Zahra, who is still soundly asleep. “Your uncle Aaron likes to tease me,” he tells her. “But he’s not as funny as he thinks he is. I’m the funny one. That’s why I’ll be your favorite uncle.”

Aaron snorts. “Yeah, she obviously finds you hilarious.”

“Shut up.”

They fall silent after that, both of them watching Zahra as she sleeps, her face scrunching up every now and then.

Aaron glances up when Alexander starts to hum under his breath, and he sees him smiling down at Zahra, rocking her with slow movements, and Aaron feels something in his chest swell.

“You’re good with her,” Aaron murmurs, and Alexander looks over at him, a smile still on his face.

“I think it’s safe to say that between the both of us, if we ever adopt, our kid is probably gonna be spoiled as hell.”

Aaron laughs, and then moves so that he has an arm around Alexander’s waist before bending so he can rest his head on Alexander’s shoulder. He takes a deep breath. “ _When_ we adopt, you mean.” He feels Alexander jump a little beneath him.

“You…what?”

“There’s more we need to talk about,” Aaron continues, needing to make sure that Alexander understands that. “It…it probably won’t be soon, but I…I mean, it would be nice to…to have kids.”

Alexander is quiet for a moment, and Aaron worries that he’s somehow changed his mind about the whole thing, but then –

“Kids? As in plural? You really have been thinking about it.”

“Not right away,” Aaron says with a short laugh, wanting to also make that clear. “I’m sure our hands will be full with one kid. But… I just, siblings are good. I’d want them to have a sibling. I…” He trails off there for a moment, swallowing. “I just…I always tell the kids who come to see me how important it is that they have some kind of foundation in their life that…that they can depend on, you know? They need something to fall back on. And I…I think that…that you and me are a pretty strong foundation, so…so I think that our kids could depend on us.”

Alexander hums, and then jiggles his shoulder. “Hey, look at me.” He looks at Aaron for a few seconds once he lifts his head, and then he leans forward to kiss him gently on the lips before smiling at him. “I meant what I said last night. You’re going to be a great dad.”

Aaron ducks his head, almost shrugs, but then he stops himself, lets the compliment rush over him, feeling excitement prickle under his skin instead of nerves.

“Who are we gonna name as the godparents?” He asks a few moments later, and Alexander makes a thoughtful sound.

“My vote is for anyone except Jefferson and Madison.”

“Hey!”

“Okay fine,” Alexander relents. “Maybe Madison.”

“Jefferson would be so offended.”

“My one goal in life,” Alexander says with a wistful sigh, and both him and Aaron laugh. Then Alexander shrugs, catching Aaron’s eye. “I mean, Eliza and Theodosia were there for us through some much shit, so, I think that asking them to be there for our kid would only make sense.”

Aaron smiles at that. “Yeah, yeah I think so, too.”

“Oh man, and we’ll get to decorate a nursery room. I know how much you love furniture shopping. This is gonna be awesome.”

“You can’t choose the paint colors this time,” Aaron says quickly, remembering the horrendous green color they’d first had for their kitchen before Aaron finally snapped. “That is my one condition.”

Alexander shoots him an offended look, but then he just sighs, the sound over-exaggerated. “You’re no fun. But fine. I accept. And hey, you know what else is awesome? This is going to be great timing with Herc and Bellamy moving here. Their kid would grow up with ours.”

“That would be nice,” Aaron says. “I’d want them to have their own Bellamy.”

“It’s looking like our kid is going to have a pretty great support system.”

“Our kid,” Aaron murmurs, liking the way that sounds, and Alexander laughs and kisses him again.

“We’re gonna be great parents,” Alexander tells him, grinning wide. “I mean, our story alone is going to make the best bedtime story.”

“What do you mean?”

Alexander stares at him as if he just asked the stupidest question. “The story of how we fell in love! It’s legendary. No other parents will have such an epic story.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“It’s true,” Alexander says, and he peers back down at Zahra. “I’ll prove it. Once upon a time, there was a handsome, intelligent man named Alexander Hamilton. He went to a fancy institution called college, where he met a prodigy named Aaron Burr. Aaron fell in love with Alexander’s charm and wit instantly.”

“I don’t think that’s how it went,” Aaron says, his lips quirking up when Alexander just shrugs.

“You tell it, then.”

“From what I remember, Alexander was head over heels with Aaron from the start, but Aaron took a little longer to realize he’d just met the man he was going to marry.”

“In fact, Aaron found Alexander very annoying,” Alexander says, smiling when Aaron laughs.

“And Alexander _was_ annoying,” Aaron cuts in, laughing again when Alexander makes a sound of protest, “but Aaron came to appreciate that about him. In fact, Aaron came to appreciate everything about Alexander, and realized his feelings for him after they began to pretend to date each other.”

“The most trying time of Alexander’s life,” Alexander adds with a serious tone, but his eyes are bright and playful. “But then Aaron confessed his feelings for Alexander, and everything seemed like it was going to be perfect.”

“But then their tempers got the best of them,” Aaron says, eyes on Alexander’s as he continues. “And they fought with each other. But Alexander came to Aaron and apologized, and Aaron did the same, and they finally went on their first real date.”

“And everything was magical for a while. But then Alexander learned a secret, a big secret, and he was scared to tell Aaron, but the longer he kept it to himself, the farther away he was to telling Aaron about it, too scared that Aaron would leave him if he found out.”

Aaron swallows, and he reaches out to run his fingers over Alexander’s jaw, still hating to think about this part o their life. “And then Aaron got injured, causing his long lost sister to come back to take care of him. When he found out that Alexander had known that his sister was back, that she had tried to find Aaron, Aaron got angry. He was angry at his sister and at himself, but he took it out on Alexander, because it was the easier thing to do.”

Alexander leans into Aaron’s touch, gives him a small smile that, even after all these years, assuages any feelings of guilt Aaron still holds with that memory. “And Alexander was sad. And Aaron was sad, too. They were apart for a long time.”

“But Aaron realized what he had done, and how wrong it was, so he went to Alexander and apologized.” Aaron tucks a strand of hair behind Alexander’s ear, pausing to take a deep breath. “And Alexander forgave him.” Aaron smiles, then, mind going back to the photo album in their closet. “Then, to show his love, Aaron wrote Alexander two hundred love letters.”

Alexander grins at that, a blush rising on his cheeks. “And they agreed to be together, to work hard to fix what had been broken. And they did.” He pauses, and Aaron sees him swallow. “And then, years later, Aaron asked Alexander to marry him.”

“And Alexander said yes.”

“And they got married,” Alexander says, eyes moving over Aaron’s face, as if he still can’t believe that to be true. “And they love each other.”

Aaron nods, finding that his throat feels too tight to speak. He kisses Alexander again, giving himself time to recover from whatever had just overtaken him. “I love you,” he whispers against Alexander’s mouth.

“I love you so fucking much,” Alexander responds, laughing softly when Aaron shakes his head fondly.

“I feel like we missed some important parts of that story.”

Alexander shrugs, smiling widely. “Good thing we’ve got plenty of time to perfect it then.” He looks back down at Zahra, and Aaron does, too, leaning his head on Alexander’s shoulder again, feeling warm and content.

They stay like that for a long time, leaning against each other and watching Zahra sleep. Then Aaron feels Alexander turn slightly, and he presses a kiss to Aaron’s temple.

“I know what part of the story we forgot,” Alexander says, and Aaron just hums in response, nuzzling against his shoulder. Alexander chuckles, adjusting Zahra in his arms. “The most important part,” he starts, voice gentle, “is that Aaron and Alexander lived happily ever after.”

After a moment, Aaron adjusts so that he can press a kiss to Alexander’s neck. “Happily ever after,” he echoes, the truth of those words making him smile.

He’s never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just like that, the story comes to an end!
> 
> Honestly this last chapter could have easily been 30 pages with all the stuff I wanted to add in there, but I think that the parts I chose close out the story in a good way, and I really hope that you guys liked it, because I loved writing it.
> 
> As of right now, I’ve got nothing new coming soon, BUT there are things in the works, like a Treasure Planet hamburr au, a Burramy au, and I’m sure I’ll be doing some one shots every now and then. But before any of that can happen, I’ve really got to focus on my thesis and getting grad school applications done.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments fuel my motivation. Leave em here, or come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies.
> 
> Again, thank you all so much. It's been quite the journey.

**Author's Note:**

> Only Alex would freak out so much about getting into college a year late. And shoutout to @simply-a-story-teller for helping me out with everyone's majors and the papa john's joke!!!! :D
> 
> But whew, ok, I tried to cram a lot into this first chapter, but ones to come probably won't be as long, except maybe for Aaron's first chapter. Thoughts? Are you intrigued? Did you like it? Are you ready to begin this new journey?
> 
> Kudos are greatly appreciated, and, just so you know, comments are the fuel to my motivation. Leave them here, or at my tumblr [fanciful-follies](http://fanciful-follies.tumblr.com) or, if you want, send comments to both places.
> 
> Seriously, I love feedback.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! :)


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